There are no mistakes in life – what did you learn? Or how did it change you or your life?

I probably haven’t lived the easiest of lives, yet I am a firm believer, that everything in life happens for a reason, for our higher self, and our greater good.

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I believe that the things in life, that are the most difficult to overcome, to even start to see a light at the end of the tunnel. Those things, for which you feel there is no end. One day, there will be an end. After healing, you will look back realising that you have a far wiser head, than the one that went into the relationship with the sociopath.

Sometimes in life, you have to experience what you DON’T want, to know what you do want

It is difficult, to aim for things. To build new goals, and have focus in life sometimes. How can you know what you DO truly want, when you don’t know what it is you really don’t want?

Sometimes in life, we need to meet the illusion. Someone who comes into our life, and represents everything that we do want, and then to experience that was all a lie, to witness the difference. To discover within ourselves, what we are searching for and to learn to trust ourselves. There is no greater teacher, to trust help you to learn to trust yourself, than the liar.

You feel disillusioned, struggle to let go of the ‘dream’ that you were sold in the beginning, where everything felt so absolutely perfect. You had no idea that later, that perfection would melt to lies, deception, control and betrayal.

You want things to go back to that honeymoon period. The time of lies, deception and seduction, as often, this is where, for perhaps the first time in your life, you discovered what is that you thought you really wanted.

It can be difficult to come to terms with the reality that it was all a lie. An illusion. Where do you go from here? How do you heal the sense of betrayal and deception?

The magic?

You realise, that the secret of true happiness, was within you. It was always within you. The sociopath was a mirror illusion of you. Representing all of your hopes and dreams and everything that you wanted. Β The ‘mirror reflection’ of you.

Now that you have seen what you wanted. Do not pine after the sociopath, as often they will happily sell you back your dreams again (through seduction techniques), instead, focus on you. Start looking for what you REALLY want in life.

You cannot change the sociopath, Β but you can change you. Now that you know what is important to you, go find it. Find your own inner happiness. Nobody else can make you happy, Β but you.

Realise that the sociopath wasn’t the person of your dreams, but merely showing you what your own dreams were, and what it was that you were looking for, seeking in life.

Now that you know – what are you waiting for? …….Don’t look backwards, look within…. and there you will find what you were searching for all along.

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80 thoughts on “There are no mistakes in life – what did you learn? Or how did it change you or your life?”

  1. Sometimes we don’t need to look, what’s destined for us is already there, by allowing discernment to lead the way we will become part of our real purpose. To love and be loved is the greatest gift in life and in that 1 in 25 of us the odds of being favoured is worth the smile I get each morning wen I prepare a meal for my family as a single parent. Nothing quite like a hug from a loved one…here’s one just for you, for letting us know there is hope

  2. Hi Postivagirl,

    what I learned from my two Sociopathic experience with a boyfriend and best friend who were narcissistic Sociopaths is that everybody makes “mistakes” on some level indeed, but the difference between us normal people and them is the fact we learn from our mistakes and pains. And realize when we were wrong and what not to ever do again, yet the Sociopath continues to go about things the same way throughout life and never learns from his\her errors. They may very well know what they are doing is bad…but the Sociopath simply does not care. And this is when you want to feel sorry for them and take care of them and show them the correct way. But you can’t as they never ever change….due to the fact they lack a real conscious. Resulting in them not being able to feel any true type of human emotion such as guilt, compassion, love ect. It’s really quite sad actually as they never will experience a “normal” healthy life. But there really isn’t anything you can do. There is no helping the Sociopath become a better person…period! All you can do is focus on you and try to heal.

      1. Exactly!! I love that quote =)
        I have learned that I really need to built my self love..that is ok to be with me myself and that I need to let my instincts guide me instead of the illusion tricks.. you see, most of us really did see it..we told ourselves..this is too good to be true and we ignored the flags..cos we wanted that fantasy love.. but I knew very well..that something was not right..that there was lies..lies I could not prove..therefore that lack of prof made my wanting to feel good stay longer.. ( cos they know how to make you feel like you are flying for a while..like you never did fly before ) but the fall is so deep…
        I am learning to respect myself and more than anything..is honesty what I seek most! I will not let someone abuse me again.
        And that I will not allow contact from this person . They are not trustworthy .

    1. I see my reality in your words, but there is such an endless pain inside of me, a fear to let go. I now know the truth, but dont seem to be able to process it in the sense that he is really “damaged” and NOTHING will chamge him. Its so painful to see how many yrs andnunconditional love you gave to someone, only to be made feel worthless and almost crazy bcs I wanted basic thingsin life, like what we can do tomorrow. In 9yrs, with all the amzing momentsi had, i have never felt in peace, i never felt safe. Soooo many lies, so much drama, so many times (all the times to be exact) left down, no empathy, so why am i soo dependent??? Brought me nothing good, but i seem not to be able to conceive my life without him, even when i know he only does me bad.
      Its almost funny, sick in a perverted way, that i am perceived as a highly intelligent successful woman, and i allowd this man to bankrupt me and to take my sould and self esteem away.
      Im trying to get help from people like you, so that i find guidance and strength to move on. I soo much need closure. I want my dreams back.

      1. Hi Miriam, hang in there. It is because you stayed for 9 years that nothing changed!! Your life stayed the same. I would say of the victims that I have met, most are intelligent women, and many also were successful too. I know that you feel pain, and I can feel that too from what you write. I just wanted to say that where you are now, is NORMAL I was there too, as was every other victim. The truth is that you have been emotionally abused.Even if at times, with their charismatic charm, it didn’t feel that way. Held captive and prisoner to someone else, their needs wants and wishes.

        9 years is a long time, so be realistic with your recovery. Even a healthy relationship would take a long time to heal from after 9 years, that is almost a decade of your life. And likely you cannot go back to where you were 9 years ago. So you have to build a new you!! πŸ™‚

        You really can do this. Establish no contact. Focus on you, and take one day at a time. When you just make today good, You can make the future good πŸ™‚

      2. I have to work with him as well, so no contact is not possible….
        Ive started the process of looking into changing jobs but i have a really high position so it will take time. That will also lead me to have to change country, so im some how afraid…

      3. OMG! That would be so hard Miriam, working with him etc…
        Hang in there, we are here to listen & support you as best we can.
        Your never alone πŸ˜‰
        PR x

    2. Hi Luxia,

      I have always been obsessed with ‘The Wizard Of Oz’ & it dawned on me recently that I have been trotting along the yellow brick road looking for home, a brain, courage & heart, only to get to the Emerald City & find that the Wizard wasn’t real & that I possessed all of the things I was looking for!
      Weird how a childhood favourite can translate so poignantly into real life πŸ™‚
      Like Dorothy, I had it all along & just needed to believe πŸ™‚
      The Sociopath is the Wicked Witch always trying to hurt us & we know how she ended πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
      Time to go home to ourselves, with heart, brains & courage πŸ™‚

      1. I wish this blog had a LIKE button!! πŸ™‚ Very well put!! πŸ™‚ I like the wizard of Oz analogy too….. and the emperor and his new clothes πŸ™‚

      2. Sorry for the late reply Pheonix Rising. And wow, I have been obsessed with the land of Oz all my life as well. And yes the Witch of the West was indeed a Sociopath! And I like to think the Ruby slippers were/are a metaphor to Dorothy’s soul and life. If the Witch did get the slippers she would gain all power, control and destroy Dorothy. That’s what a Sociopath wil do if you let them!

      3. I agree Luxia newmar,

        I will see you somewhere over the rainbow, with a heart, a brain & courage & I’ll be wearing the ruby slippers with you πŸ™‚

        No Soc’s in our way up high πŸ™‚

        Love & Light to you always,

        PR xoxo

    3. Your post it good. I felt that way for so long. I thought I could walk my friend through his ways and teach him, pray with him, love him, and be the person who was going to lead him out of the darkness that he is in. But I had to accept that my hands cannot accomplish this. God is the only one who can change a heart of such a person and His reasons for not doing that are beyond my comprehension at this time. So with great pain I have let go and continue to trust Gods plan and reasons. God has showed me that I am capable of loving the unlovable and I have compassion for the lost. God sees and knows my heart for this person and it wont go unpunished. Vengeance is mine says The Lord. He will take care of it his way. And if he chooses to change the heart of my friend some day then I would be joyful as well. In the meantime it is te for me to abandon my effort and forgive the unforgivable as Jesus has taught us and shown us.

      1. Nothing you can do or say can change a thing Michelle. That would be the same with the rest of the human race too. We can’t change other people. We can only change who we are.Our own response, and be responsible for ourselves.

        In fact the loving and helping the sociopath will make things worse, as they will just take advantage of this and play victim …. its a never ending circle. Until you say enough I am taking care of me.

    1. Thank you for the truth. I agree. You learn and you move forward. Thanks for putting it so eloquently.

      Tracey Richards On Jul 27, 2013 4:09 PM, “Dating a Sociopath” wrote: > > bettywins3 commented: “Thank you” >

  3. So true!! I learned valuable lessons from my spath. 1. Trust your gut. I am extremely hard headed that I ignored my gut and instead played detective and finally saw the proof that I needed to confirm he was cheating on me. My gut knew all along yet I’m so stubborn I had to have solid proof. Never again. 2. When someone’s words aren’t being backed up by their actions, Don’t waste your time on them. They are showing you who they are. Believe their actions, not their words. 3. Life is too short chasing someone who treats you like crap. Know your worth and don’t accept anything less. It’s hard but you gotta know when to walk away.

    1. Lenore, this happened to me too, my gut told me right from the start that things he said didn’t add up, but he spent so long telling me that he coudn’t understand how someone so stunning wanted HIm,,,,,,,,,that I just passed it off as him wanting to impress me,,,,,which turned around to me being the one who had to reassure HIm all the time. Also I thought he may just be over flirty with others to make me jealous (becasue of his insecurities)……….I know,,,,,,,stupid of me! But when the backing away started happenening,,,,that’s when I played detective too,,,,,,not to catch him with another woman,,,,but to catch him going through my belongings,,,,,,,,which I confirmed,,,,but in on the bargain,,,,,,,,,,, I also found I had been right,,,,,,,,,,my gut had been right.

      One of my favourite mottos has always been ‘actions speak louder than words’,,,,,,,,,so shy,,,,,,,,why did I pass off all his actions which made me suspicious ??……totally blindsided and manipulated,,,,,me,,,a very confident,,,,,don’t take any crap woman (usually),,,,and I never have,,only from HIM!

      He actually told me in the beginning,,,,,,he got all his much needed confidence from ME,,,,,,,it gave him the feeling of being more ourgoing and powerful!!.

      Playing detective for me, broke my heart in the end,,suspecting is one thing,,,,but hearing them together,,after refusing to believe what you SAW, and felt……….well it just totally devastated me into a very deep shock, and before I could recover from the shock, he had manipulated me back in convincing me I had been wrong.

      Our gut instincts are there as a defense system, like animals,,,,,,,,,,they know when there is a predator in the vacinity.

      I so wish I had listened to mine.

      1. Ditto Dorena,

        Over the weekend I found a letter I wrote 5 years ago about how my Soc was making me feel at that time etc…
        All the red flags were there & yet I went another 5 years 😦
        Funny how I found it, after I put some Spiritual Archangel cards that I just purchased, to help with my healing away in my bedside table & the letter was tucked away in the drawer & I had forgotten all about it?
        Obviously my guides needed me to find it right then & there…Wow!!
        My first reading using my cards was also a revelation πŸ™‚
        Took me a long time to get the message but, I have got it know πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

      2. Yes, that’s a good analogy for our gut instincts!

        PR-funny how you look back and it’s just smacking you in the face. I remember re-reading a journal I kept and the last entry about him shocked me, it stated, “Although he thanked me a lot, I feel used.” And he was totally using me! When I read that, the hair on the back of my neck stood up! I knew it back then, everything: the cheating, him using me, him not genuinely caring about me but yet, I ignored all the signs and still wanted to try to make it work. I even said in there one of the times he disappeard, “He’s probably over there laughing at me, knowing he was able to fool a girl like me”. I’m sure he was!

        I am now coming to terms with the “Why did I put up with that?” I too, am the type not to take any crap from anyone, yet here I was chasing after him almost begging for a relationship and for our “seduction phase” to never end. I know and understand now why I was allowing such treatment.

        Now, because of this wonderful blog, I have learned about “soul ties” and will be disconnecting his as I feel like the reason I cannot let him or the memory of him go is because of them. I am looking forward to it!!!

      3. Hi Lenore,

        Thank you & I am also cutting those ‘soul ties’, & thank god it’s over & I’ve learnt a valuable lesson πŸ™‚
        I need to believe in myself & trust my gut & if I’m not happy then don’t just sit back & take it,
        get out & move on & be happy within πŸ™‚

        Freedom,peace,love & good health to you Lenore πŸ™‚

        Love PR xoxo

  4. The sociopath identifies your needs and vulnerabilities. Then they make false plans and promises, some minor things and other more major plans. At just the moment they sense you have relaxed and are happy, they will pull the rug out from under you (often at extremely short notice). When you express upset, they will say that the problem is that you are too demanding and it is your fault that they can’t do it. Or they will simply say that no such plans were ever made and that you are mad. Further protest will lead to all sorts of accusations from which you will try and defend yourself. This will detract from the original behavior from the sociopath, which will be forgotten. And so the merry go round turns and turns…..until you realise that this person’s words and actions will never match up. You are wasting your time to even engage with a sociopath. It will take all your mental resources but will be light entertainment for them.

    1. Nova, you hit the nail right on the head.. wow.. even when I had letters of promises, he even said he never promised when we would actually do these things.. just a endless amount of lies and empty promises..

  5. What I’ve learned from my soc:

    1) trust your gut..especially when you are THROWING UP because its so strong. Trust your intuitions and energy no matter what. It knows reality beyond logic.

    2) I believe in having standards, but to hold them a little closer for a while. Meaning, there is no need to confess or share everything I “Love” and what I expect in a relationship right away. Take more time to watch and observe without reacting. I have found myself guilty of steering relationships just based on my positive or negative feed back, so it takes longer to discover when something is truly wrong. However, if you take everything at face value you can misinterpret much. Don’t give someone the keys to your soul. See if he naturally has them, first.

    3) if you catch them in one lie, there are likely 10 more you still don’t know about.

    4) how he courted you, and how he regards his relationship with you, is how he regards them with all women. So, if he’s using terms like “I don’t care if its wrong, I feel entitled to you”, run. Because he has said it before and will say it again to someone else.

    4) they are truly doing the best they can. Which is actually sad. Not saying its good enough, but it really is all they are capable of today, tomorrow and always.

    5) will never give closure or give you concrete answers, designed to lead you to jump to conclusion, which means the blame is all on you for where the relationship goes from there. Fine. Be bold. Make those judgement calls. You aren’t wrong.

    6) I would trade some of the “smoke and mirrors” and excitement for some stability, love, honesty and long term planning. Can’t build a family when dad wants to be an astronaut one week and a rocket scientist the next.

    7) there’s more good sex out there. Not to worry.

    8) if someone ever makes you afraid for your personal safety, even for a minute, fight back or file a ppo. There’s not another human being on the planet that should take away your sense of security.

    9) if he did it to her, he will do it to you.

    10) I’ve learned that I truly do want love and affection. And someone to share dreams for me. I had never had that before. And it was an incredible illusion. And it was everything I thought I wanted. So, striving to find the more realistic version.

    11) that i have a lot of self love and acceptance I need to work on

      1. Hi Positiva,

        Great Post πŸ˜‰

        Together we are supporting & helping each other towards the light πŸ™‚
        Oprah & Deepak Chopra are launching a 21 Day Spiritual Challenge next week 5th August & as that is the date of my 50th Birthday, I consider it a huge sign so, I have registered to participate online πŸ™‚
        I wanted to share this with you because it’s a sign for me I am sure πŸ™‚
        I think it’s a good sign for all of us πŸ™‚
        Reconnect to ourselves has to be a good thing.

        I forgive the Soc’s because they are unable to forgive themselves!
        Such a waste of life they are & I FEEL sorry for them.
        Only a true heart can break & as the Soc on this site says, they are never broken.
        Can’t break something you don’t have!
        They read our stuff here & feed off a supply to ease their boredom.
        Please stop asking them why etc…they are continuing to abuse us for their own purpose!

        All our lives are worthy of better people, experiences & love.
        Keep connected to good souls, we are all here πŸ˜‰

        Light & Love to all the survivors of these heartbreakers/timewasters.

        PR
        xoxo

    1. Ditto GL you nailed it!
      Keep focusing on you, you are fabulous that’s why the Soc was attracted to someone they will never ever be!
      Stay Strong, be brave, most of all be YOU πŸ™‚
      PR xoxo

  6. OMG! I have been looking at this website for exactly two weeks. I was being depressed and watching tv on a saturtday night instead of being out having fun. I swear, something in my head said to google the word sociopath. .. I read a couple other websites before hitting on this one. I have been reading it every night ever since! He had most of the soc qualities, but reading this website hits everything dead on! I was so weak today, wanting to call him, missing the good times…then I looked on here…you all, esp Pheonix, GL, Nova and Lenore put everything in perspective again. Thank you all, I will go to bed with a better attitude tonight.

    1. We are all here for you Monica πŸ™‚
      Stay strong, it’s taken a brave girl to get this far, you will be okay with help,answers & support πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚

      Love
      PR xoxo

    2. Monica B, ditto here. This guy made me feel like he was the answer to all my dreams. Found out that he not only had a wife (had claimed he was a widower) and kids and had lied right from when his birthday was to where he lived and worked and family life. For the last 3 months or so I have been scarred to find out that people can be such pathological liars and had left it at that.

      On Thursday (3 days back), something compelled me to look up psychopaths and it led me through various sites and finally to this. To say that I am reeling with all this information is putting it mildly. And, that it is almost hilarious in a distorted/twisted psychopathic way how scarily identical these nut jobs are!

      So the only way to understand why we would do this random arbitrary search is that there was a bigger power out there looking out for us. I had almost gone radio silent the past three months trying to understand how someone could lie but today on reading this site it all makes sense, it is who they are. And it is scary to see how many of us didn’t acknowledge when our gut said something was wrong about him/his actions.

  7. There are so many things I’ve learnt looking back and from reading things like this blog. I’ve learnt what is important to me in a partner and I’ve learnt what I need to watch for, signs of things I don’t want in a relationship.

    More importantly, for me anyway, I’ve learnt where I need to improve, vulnerabilities that can be exploited and that walking away isn’t weakness but rather can be the course of wisdom.

    Unfortunately, there are also lessons I’ve learnt that I think I need to let go of. Qualities that I once held dear have been challenged and exploited and I am having to fight against myself not to shelve them because they may make me weak and susceptible.

    Qualities such as compassion, forgiveness, selflessness, all the good qualities that are exploited by socs, these are not weaknesses. The harder this world fights to rid us of these qualities, the harder we have to fight back and the more important it is for us not lose them and become jaded.

    1. Thank you Electrik, I think that I realised that all of my life, I had expected the be all and end all of life to end in a ‘happy relationship’ I was therefore expecting someone else to make me happy. When the truth was, the happiest that I ever felt, I was capable of doing just by myself. Only I could make me happy. A positive relationship was a bonus from that. Thank you for the nomination!! πŸ™‚

    2. That’s an awesome statement..I wanted to date me…lol..it’s so funny but true…they mirror us and that’s why we love them so much…we are loving ourselves

      1. Yep they mirror us because they are the exact opposite (opposite’s attract!)
        Positive attracts Negative OMG!!!
        How awesome are we that they have to mimic & mirror us
        to keep us.
        Sometimes when my Soc’ was tired etc…& not ‘ON’, he was intensely boring & needy to the point I often wondered what I saw in him (even when I was with him!).
        I am not needy nor boring that’s for sure πŸ™‚
        Nor am I short,fat & balding….I am tall, lean & have a mane of hair LOL πŸ˜‰
        He even proclaims he’s Italian when in fact he was born in England!!!
        I am a proud Aussie πŸ˜‰

      1. Don’t know, I’ve never seriously been asked to have empathy for something so I’ve just assumed because I’ve never felt it I don’t have it. I don’t think you can fake a brain scan though

      2. Also “selective empathy” is something you mocked and yet the research is showing it’s possibly a thing

      3. I have to admit, I don’t understand. Either you have empathy, or you don’t?

        If going ‘into character’ maybe the brain DOES change at that time. I know that my ex, when he was telling lies about different places etc. Not only would his persona change, his accent would change to reflect the area where he was living at the time. He had thrown himself so far into character, that whatever personal he was assuming at the time, including the accent, was coming through.

        I am sure that empathy can be faked, I have seen it, even the fake tears….. whether that would affect patterns in the brain though, I don’t know…. but why not Sociopaths can lie and pass lie detector tests???

      4. Hi Positiva,

        Re JK’s post….Soc’s definitely act empathetic when it suits & they change voice patterns as you also noticed as mine did also.
        I cannot imagine not having empathy & fear as an emotion it’s really rather sad because if you think about it, it’s like being dead inside, what a hellish existence.
        Soc’s have to try & create situations to stimulate a sensation within themselves.
        Always having an agenda to accomplish & fulfill a desire, what a horrible existence.
        They are like actors really, always acting like someone they are not….sad 😦
        Unfortunately we suffer for their inadequacies & shortcomings for being their targets etc…
        I am glad I am not a Sociopath πŸ™‚

      5. Lie detectors aren’t very effective in the first place, even world experts struggle to get them accurate and anyone can learn to fake them, you just have to control your body whereas I have never heard of someone deceiving a brain scan. They were not going “into character” though, in fact I struggle to see what advantage they got from answering that way.

        @Pheonix – again faking the body’s actions is much easier than faking a brain scan, I bet if it had came out the other way you would be discussing a brain scans validity btw, why don’t you try and change your accent then try and change which part of your brain is thinking and stimulate intentionally a part of the brain which you presumably don’t know which part but still get it right, (I think changing your voice is a lot easier). On the other hand if you were a socio you wouldn’t care about it. Personally I think It’s impossible to tell who of us is the better off, I would like to get rid of the boredom but I don’t want to gain the pain you lot feel.

      6. JK I never mentioned faking a brain scan???
        Anyway I would rather feel pain & love & be full of empathy rather than boredom & playing with peoples emotions to relieve my boredom.
        When I’m bored I do something proactive not negative, I don’t deceive & manipulate or hurt people.
        I would rather be an empath with pain & all, not a bored Sociopath!
        I don’t’ wish to debate with you, as I’ve stated in previous posts that I have no desire to have any further association with Sociopath’s.

      7. The entire thing has been about the brain scan showing actual empathy/fake empathy.
        I don’t massively want to debate you but not because I don’t want to associate with you (I’m still failing to see your guys attempt at moral high ground there).
        I try and be proactive for the record.

      8. Jk, my only point is none of us would be on this site if we hadnt had the misfortune of being involved with Sociopaths. The trauma, damage etc that Soc’s inflict just to relieve their boredom is discusting.
        I am here for support & shared experiences with other sufferers of Soc/narcs not Soc’s amusement or input.

    1. Cool, do that instead of talking to me (you replied to me first after all) and insulting me for something someone else has done to you. While Positiva has a website dedicated to truth I will be discussing the truth rather than just what I want to believe.

  8. Hi Positiva
    What a fantastic support this blog is. Having recently left a sociopath, and had child with said sociopath, I have heard, via child, he is moving in on parishioner using our child as a way of making contact as she has child of se age. I just wondered of these types ever fail to hoodwink someone? Do they ever fail to catch their prey?

    1. Hi Breakfree. The sociopath follows this pattern

      Assessement
      Seducing
      Gaming
      Ruining

      So, I would imagine, that during assessment stage the sociopath would make the decision whether to move onto seducing stage. I guess if seduction didn’t work…. they would move onto another victim.

  9. Having recently lefta sociopath I have heard he is now making move on someone else under the guise of a friend for our child. I was wondering if these people ever fail or are they so in tune with a vulnerable person that they don’t? My sociopath is a vicar and he is using his position as he did with me. I left 2 children because of him and I just hope there is some sort of payback.

  10. Positve girl you are brilliant,and it was an act of God that i ever fell upon this blog of yours thankyou from the bottom of my heart.

  11. Mmm, I fail to get this piece; completely any way. It’s title is “There are no mistakes in life – what did you learn? Or how did it change you or your life?

    I disagree that we fail to make mistakes in life fullstop, simply because accidents in one’s life do in fact happen. Be it mistake or accident, I know I have learned most from them.

    And given that I avoid making the same mistake twice, then a more healthy and wiser person I think I have naturally become because of.

    Re having made the mistake of becoming involved with a sociopath in the first place, and what I have learned most from it – I will never make the same mistake twice re ever becoming involved with one, because very well equipped I am now to see one when I do as much.

    1. What I mean Tim, is that I believe that there are no mistakes in life. Everything happens for a reason, often for your greatest good, even if you cannot see it at the time πŸ™‚ This is my own personal belief.

  12. On Facebook this morning, the quote: “There is no greater teacher, to help you to learn to trust yourself, than the liar”…
    So true, I found, cause you can usually FEEL if something is wrong, even if you’re not sure why, and then when you find out, you realize that sensation of something being off, was about the lie…

    1. Absolutely Katalina. I was writing. I could see it, sense it, I KNEW it…. i was writing about it in a diary. Yet, I chose to ignore my own senses, and instead I put my trust in someone else above myself. I believed the liar, believing what I wanted to hear was more important than listening to myself. Reading those diary entries from them, I was 100% accurate. Yet I chose to ignore. So the biggest lesson I learned was to learn to trust myself. The liar will do anything to protect the lie.

      1. Isn’t it funny how a few of us have written in diaries etc…ages ago that we knew etc…but, still we stayed?
        I found something I wrote 5 years ago & I wasn’t happy then & stayed another 5 years because once he sensed my unease he upped the love bombing again & yep your next post just came!
        We really are all in sync πŸ™‚
        I haven’t read it yet but, I already know what it’s going to say πŸ™‚ lol

  13. Thank you for this post. You have put into words where I am at in my journey.. I have re-read this several times and reference back to it when I need comfort.. Thank you..

  14. This is another such a good, awesome post. I agree with everything what you wrote and I was lately having kind of same thoughts too… in one documentary I watched … one Tibetan monk said: “Sometimes our greatest enemies are our greatest teachers”… I am also realizing more and more lately what a beautiful person I actually am (I know it sounds funny:) but it seems sometimes you have to see what the evil, the wrongdoer really is so to better see what the opposite of that you are and now I even more appreciate the light of truth and love which reigns in me and I will stick to it even more. The sociopaths are the evil, the wrong, they are the lie, the disrespect, the hurt,cunning, manipulative creatures and once identified, they should be kept at distance. If you interact with them they will just play the game of manipulating and hurting you.

    1. Yep you nailed it Caerra & you are beautiful πŸ™‚
      We are the light, the Narc/Soc’s are the dark 😦
      Keep the faith, we are all tapping into our higher power now so, bring on the light πŸ™‚
      Shine brightly & they will be driven away from our glare πŸ™‚

      1. @Phenonix Rising
        Thank you πŸ™‚ I agree. I find it very helpful to read all the comments too. As spath ex victims we can really relate to each other so much. I agree with so many comments here too and find it so helpful:)

  15. Thank you so much for this. I’m still trying hard to forgive myself for being so fooled and trying to mourn the dream of what I thought was real. I fell hard and finally felt like “this is it!” This is MY turn. And the mirroring is exactly right.

    I guess I just feel so emotionally violated and physically sick. That’s the hardest part. I want to get back to normal and I feel such a combination of emotions–wanting to get even, wondering if I can ever trust someone again, and afraid I’ll end up running into yet another sociopath.

    1. Hi CC thank you for your comment!! How long ago did you split?

      I think that the way that you feel is normal. If you read the 5 stages of grief and the healing process, you can see that it is normal to go through a lot of emotions, just like a bereavement. As the person that you were dating was not real and true to you. This mask of deception can be difficult to come to terms with.

      The advice I can give is to take time out to centre yourself, to love you. Treat yourself like your own best friend. Take things one day at a time. Set yourself long and short term goals

      Read my posts in the healing and recovery section – (at the top) especially

      Finding the person in the mirror
      5 stages of grief and the healing process
      Grieving the person you thought they were
      From victim to survivor

      As you read it should provide some healing. There are also posts there about avoiding meeting another, and also trust after dating a sociopath

  16. To be strong even when you’re feeling weak, not to ever make any life choices, make personal commitments while you’re grieving, Sit back and look in when meeting someone new, when red flags pop up dont convince yourself is just a parade going by , adhere to the rule of 3 no matter what, not everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt, when you find yourself playing detective in a relationship, get out and start looking in. When someone threatens suicide if you leave them , its better to call them on it and walk away then to live your life as a prisoner of threats….

  17. “when you find yourself playing detective in a relationship, get out and start looking in”.

    Amen. Words of true wisdom, to many unanswered questions and secrets–make no delay-walk away. Fast.

    EL

    1. Indeed, you are never a participant in the life/relationship of a sociopath, we are merely pawns in the game. Never knowing what is truly happening , before, during or after.

      1. Not at all…. anyway we can light a bulb and help others to see clearly? have at it… Id never mind.

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