If you dig into the past of a Sociopath, and look at his childhood, almost always there will be an unhealthy relationship between the male sociopath and the mother. I was often told (and didn’t listen) – but did teach my daughters…. ‘if you want to know how a man will treat you look at:
a) How your partners father treats his mother (what is their relationship like?)
b) What is your partners own relationship like with his mother?
The childhood relationship between mother and son are two important developmental processes for a male, and when it is not ‘normal’ or ‘healthy’ you are at risk of meeting a partner who will be abusive towards you, later in the relationship. Either, physically, mentally, sexually and/or financially.
Why is the relationship with the mother so important?
The first relationship that we ever have in life, is the relationship that we have with our mother. In pregnancy, even in the womb, we are connecting with our mother. This article from BBC advises how as early as 3 months before the end of pregnancy, we can hear our mother whilst in the womb http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-21572520
Other reports go further and suggest that the baby can in the womb be able to recognize love, happiness, sadness and stress. http://www.ehow.com/about_5393861_emotional-development-baby-womb.html#ixzz2Yv6BJsvm
It might appear that I am going off tangent. I have been (fortunate) to meet more than one Socio/Psychopath and all of their relationships with their mothers were not normal or healthy. None of them had ‘respect’ for their mother. A number of times, there had been abuse of the father towards the mother in childhood, or the mother was neglectful because of her own circumstances. I strongly believe that these very early relationships between child and mother, particularly with boys and their relationships with their mothers can strongly affect their cognitive developmental learning and how they later treat their future partner. It is the message that is received in childhood
1. How to treat a woman
2. Respect for a woman
3. Intimacy in the relationship
Observing the father as role model in childhood
Whilst the mother is the first ‘relationship’ that the sociopath develops in life, the father represents the first ‘role model’. How the father treats the mother in childhood, and the messages that are received from observing that interaction is important.
When the father is abusive towards the mother, when there is neglect, lack of respect, abuse, these are the first lessons that the sociopath learns about how to treat a woman.
When the mother herself, is cold, uncaring, emotionally disconnected, selfish, and the sociopath is striving for the mothers attention and or love, these are the messages that the sociopath understands about how to have a relationship with a woman.
Sociopaths and sex
Sociopaths despite contrary opinion, DO feel a connection during sex. It is during sex though, that you will see the other side. What the Sociopath REALLY thinks of women. Sociopaths can do the following:
- Have rough sex
- Talk degradingly towards you
- Role playing which is ‘off key’ and doesn’t appear right
Remember that for the Sociopath two things are important
- Being in control (including, ownership and possession)
Sex can easily achieve both of those things. Which can give the sociopath the ultimate high.
Sociopath mind switch during or after sex
Whilst ownership, control and winning are important to the Sociopath, as well as fulfilling narcissistic need for ego supply, you will see a switch in the sociopath mentality which can make you feel degraded. At first, to woo you into bed, the sociopath will be
If the sociopath was sleeping with you as a final time (in their mind) – as a final score of ownership, before departing your life for good, you could hear the sociopath:
- Asking questions about previous relationships, making comparisons, and saying – no wonder ex left you….
- Calling you names like slut, whore, cheap, easy, nasty etc
- False accusations about your self worth, leaving you feeling degraded
What is really going on?
This sudden switch, can be very hurtful. The Sociopath has often put in a lot of energy to woo you and seduce you, and now they have changed and their reactions make you feel worthless.
Does the sociopath hate me?
It’s not really about that. Remember that the Sociopath is:
- Compulsive pathological liar
- Lives for the moment and doesn’t make long term plans
- Devious and manipulative to get what they want
- See’s others as merely as players in their game of life
The sociopaths real thinking of women
When the male sociopath puts the female victim down, and degrades you after sex, what he is really saying is how he feels about himself.
He does think these things, but they are not literally directed towards you. Although it does feel this way. This sense of hatred, is directed elsewhere in his past. Having sex with you, he achieves the ultimate high of winning and control. Then the reality of what he really thinks of women sinks in.
Additionally, the sociopath doesn’t want you to go off with anyone else. Putting you down, ensures that your self esteem is kept low, so that you will not feel confident enough to leave. Deep inside himself the Sociopath is weak and has low self esteem, although he displays no fear, and is outwardly confident, charismatic and cocky. But beneath that outside sheen lies a man who does suffer with insecurities (which is why he is so good at playing victim).
The final act of sex with you
As the sociopath can see you as something that they own, a possession or an object, they might lure you back, or sleep with you one last time before discarding you altogether. At this point, you could be reeling, why did he do this?
Quite simply, because he could. And because the sociopath always has to end things his way, on his terms (its all about control). By sleeping with you one last time, in the sociopaths mind he is discarding you in his own way (which is how it makes you feel afterwards). This is a cold, calculated, deliberate act on the sociopaths part. To deliberately discard you.
Remember that the sociopath doesn’t think about YOUR feelings, or YOUR welfare. it is simply ‘what is in it for them’
Having sex with you in this way, can also been seen as an act of ‘punishment’, if they knew that source of supply was coming to an end, or you were just ending the relationship. In this circumstance, they would woo you, and lure you back, sleep with you only to walk out of the door, right afterwards. Almost always they have another source of supply lined up.
What makes sociopaths good in bed?
It has been reported that sociopaths are often good in bed, why is this?
- The ability to mirror you
- The ability to be what you want/need
- High sex drive (will never say no)
- High stamina (can go for a long time)
- The ability to role play (this is second nature)
Sex to most normal people, is a connection of two people. Either, ‘in love’ or ‘in lust’. The sociopath can experience lust (moreso than most other people), but it is the ability to be able to ‘mirror’ and be the perfect person, that creates (in the victims mind) that special connection. This is something that can be really confusing when the relationship ends -and also devastating when the sociopath then belittles what you thought was an incredible connection. You can wonder was ANYTHING real?
The connection that the sociopath felt with you, at that time, was real. For them it was real. They usually enjoy sex, it is the ultimate control and way of possessing someone to the exclusion of others. Of course they enjoyed it. In fact a lot of sociopaths enjoy it almost too much, and want to share this skill with as many women as possible!!
Sexual patterns and the relationship with the mother
It might have seemed that I had gone off on a tangent, describing first of all the relationship with the mother, the father, and then talking about sex. But it is all interconnected. To discuss the male sociopaths attitude towards women, you need to understand why this is related to childhood, and attitudes that were formed in childhood through
- The first relationship the sociopath had (with the mother)
- The first role model witnessed (with the father)
These first role models in life, in childhood can form strong beliefs and attachments which can continue to replay throughout the sociopaths adulthood. It can set up opinions about worth.
What were your experiences? What was the sociopath in your life relationship like with his parents?
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