Reason to be happy – The relationship is OVER!!! 🙂

Peace

 

Silence can be painful at first. Especially if you have been in a relationship with a disordered person. They are dramatic, selfish, and totally self focused. Every day there is constant drama.

When the sociopath leaves, especially if there is sudden discard, you can feel that sense of silence. This can be painful.

What I want you to remember, is that there is peace in silence.

The pain that you feel is the hurt, leaving your body…. in peace and silence you can heal. Do not be afraid of silence, or let thoughts overwhelm you…. try to keep busy.

Time

Now you have time, so much time, it might feel difficult, and lead you to thoughts of your ex. A good idea is to fill this time, with positive loving things for you. Even if your world has been smashed to the ground.

• What do you want to achieve with YOUR life
• See the beauty outside
• Do you have a bike (even a pushbike) …. that buzz as you ride downhill and feel the wind in your hair
• Writing is good therapy. Get your thoughts out there
• Find others who understand, who have been through the same thing. Talk, talking is healing, and you will heal each other
• Would you like to learn a new skill? – What? What are you waiting for? If you don’t have money – online courses. You can always learn new things for free
• Write lists, and cross things off on your list. Small things you want to achieve, make one long term goal
• Look on the internet for things that make you laugh – comedy – youtube – find humour, even for 20 mins a day
• Indulge yourself, candlelit baths, a nice meal
• No MORE stalling for time, wasting time, going round in circles….. you are free!!!

What is important is that you fill your time with things that make you smile. NOT with thoughts of the sociopath (apart from reading to understand) it is important that you move forward – not backwards.

The most important thing about time – is to stay with the present. Right now. As right now is all that you have control over.

Freedom

Yes, whilst you might be feeling that ‘space’ in your life.If you were cruelly discarded, you might have thoughts that overwhelm you.

The truth is… you have been let out of your cage. The chains are broken. You are FREE!!!

Freedom means

• Freedom to do what you want
• See who you want
• Live your life your own way
• Not be controlled or dominated
• Not be hurt
• Not be put down
• Make your own dreams and plans, without fear of someone else belittling you, or putting you down
• Freedom to spend your own money, the way that you want
• Make your own plans for the future – do you want to travel? Where would you like to go? WRITE IT DOWN… it can happen!!
• Life is an adventure. There is a whole world out there, now you are FREE to find what you are looking for.
• Freedom is liberating – YOU just need to free your chains from the past – let it go… the best is yet to come!

Live for LOVE not in FEAR

The sociopath is very good exploiting your weaknesses, and your emotions to control you. This works by the sociopath focusing on your fears. You have been living your life in fear.

At first when the relationship ends, you still have fear

• What if he returns
• I am scared, I have lost everything
• Believing the negative things that he has said, how you are worthless
• Fearing the future
• Fearing what his next move will be
• Fearing he is right – where are all the people in your life? …. maybe he is right?
• Focusing on the past and loss – rather than focusing on today, and building a bright new future

Living in love is

• Appreciating all the things you still have in your life. At the very least you are alive, it is beautiful world out there, and you are part of this world.
• Feeling that love in your heart, for all the things that you have. Even if they are small things – if you have good health you CAN get out there. So use your legs, and walk
• Feeling love and compassion for others
• Self love
• Seeing the beauty of the world

Fear is paralysing. Freedom is liberating.

You are so much better without the sociopath in your life. Freedom is just a feeling…. but it is an amazing feeling when you embrace it.

Change can be scary. But it is needed. If someone is not treating you right, or valuing you, that person needs to leave your life, to allow new people into your live who will love and value you.

Peace and silence – time – Freedom – changing our thinking from fear to love…. these can all be scary things when you have been in an abusive relationship. You have been dominated and controlled. You are NOT alone, I for one am right there with you.

You can do this, you can rebuild. You can build a new life. You can have a brighter future than what you have experienced in the past.

You can never change the sociopath  – but you CAN change YOU!! 🙂

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