As already discussed, the most important thing to a sociopath is control. A sociopath values control above all else.
Confusion
Your head is probably reeling at the end of the relationship. You feel confused. You have been brainwashed, lied to, deceived, and manipulated. Sometimes for a considerable time. Whenever you felt close to the truth, you were told that you were crazy or paranoid. At the end of the relationship, you no longer know what is real any more, and you can question your own mind.
A sociopath will rarely leave your life quietly. At the end, despite the relationship has ended because of their own bad behaviour, the sociopath will take this a step further, just to make sure that the relationship is over.
They will now use information that they gleaned from you during the assessment stage, when he learned of your weaknesses. Personal information that you gave when you trusted, what felt like your perfect man, your soul mate will now be used against you. It is the ultimate betrayal and worse is that he will weave a grain of truth, with a web of lies to discredit you.
Anything negative that you have previously told him. He will now use against you. He will do this, to portray you as an unstable, immoral, untrustworthy and dishonest person. A person who is not capable of rational thought and he knows that if he does this, if you tell others about him, your judgement will be questioned.
The sociopath is very sly and deviant, he will use information, which is already known about you, from perhaps previous events in different circumstances, and will use this, with a thread of truth to make his stories believable to others. He mixes lies and a thread of truth with such convincing skill, that to object would make you out to be the liar and crazy one. He knows this, and this is part of his agenda.
Smear campaigns
Using information that you have entrusted him with, he will start what is known as ‘smear campaigns’ against you. He will lie about you. Send emails about you. He will do anything to ruin your good name, and therefore discredit you, and your credibility. Your mind is already reeling, and life appears to be getting worse.
His objective is to isolate you further, and to stop other people finding out who he really is. He also will boomerang back into your life, whenever he suspects that you are moving on.
The reason that he does this is because he fears losing control. Remember that sociopaths are actually very weak people.They are reliant on living behind a mask and of people thinking that they are different to who they really are. He has to find some way of silencing you. At worst, he could kill you. But most sociopath’s wouldn’t do this, and are not capable of this. So instead he tries to silence you some other way.
He operates on fear. By trying to install fear into you. By threatening you. He threatens to report you to authorities. He is now wielding his power over you. Already your life is ruined and now he is threatening to, or actually ruining your life further.
Bombarding
You might, at this point, wonder when this is going to end? He might bombard you, but not in a positive love bombing way this time. It will be bombarding of texts, emails, and if you ignore him, he could show up at your house, yelling outside. Remember this is his need for control.
Theft
At the end of the relationship, he might also steal items from you. Usually it will be possessions that mean a lot to you. Things that you have emotional attachment to. There is no reason for this, other than ‘he can’ and ‘he will’ and his need for control.
When he has taken your possessions, he will use this to be able to keep in contact with you, promising to return your goods. But he never will. He makes false empty promises, which can keep you hanging on a string but keeps him in control.
Leaving a sociopath before he has a new source of supply, is not easy. The best way to do this, is to establish no contact, and to have no further contact with him.
Remember there have been victims in the past before, and he moved onto you. So, he will also move onto someone else. Be prepared to let it go, ride the storm. Look up forums for support, where there are others who have been through the same.
If you feel strong, and he is not violent, and no contact is not working, if it is making things worse then consider following the advice on this post. I would only advise this when no contact is impossible https://datingasociopath.com/2013/03/08/how-to-get-even-with-a-sociopath/
This is only for when No Contact is not working, and is spiralling out of control (is probably not advisable if children are involved).
See also: https://datingasociopath.com/2013/03/15/how-to-recover-from-dating-a-sociopath/
And https://datingasociopath.com/2013/03/15/sociopath-and-establishing-no-contact/
Remember:
- The sociopath is merely trying to use fear to control you
- The sociopath is trying to regain control
- Speak to those close to you at the end of the relationship and warn
- Try to follow advice in recovery and No contact posts
- Go careful how you react as this can and will be used against you
- This will NOT go on forever
- Speak to advice and support services in your area for abused people
- You are not paranoid, this is real, and this is happening to you. Only share what is happening to you, with those you trust (or the sociopath will make you out to be crazy)
- Do not give the sociopath further information to use against you
- Do not show fear – no contact is almost always the best reaction
Dating a Sociopath 
Just read this one ! Frighteningly accurate . Almost blow by blow word perfect down to the theft of highly personal items from me including every scrap of i.d. I had , car log book , mot , car insurance certificate , passport , driving licence , chequebooks , birth certificate , debit card readers , sunglasses , lenses ……. Aaaaaarrrgghhh !!!!! The list is endless ……….
Scary how the patterns repeat, I know…. I think there is another on the same subject. How they use other people to abuse you too, while coming up smelling of roses themselves 😦
Its so incomprehensible how they ” confide ” in people months before hand how badly you are treating , using & abusing them .,…… Yes THEM !!!!!!
Setting you up like a kipper whilst telling you 20 times a day how they love you & how great you are .
Mine would send me so many texts in a day I could hardly use the phone , it was a joke in the end, they would come through one after the other. ..,,,,
I …. L…..O……..V…….E ……….Y……..
Well you get the rest after another 20 , single letter texts. You think its quite sweet at first until you have it every 5 minutes and it starts driving you up the wall.
Peace & Quiet from it finally …….
Nick
this is so true. we have went through a horrible experience with a sociopath next door to us. our lives are ruined. they did things to us that were horrible and we also lost our dog and still don’t know how she died. he was evil and hurt so many people. everywhere we go now people will not come near us because they are afraid of him doing it to him. I just prey his kids get away from him…. my wife is in a terrible mental state from it. and she is the most happy and bubbly person you would ever meet…
😦 is he still lliving next door to you?
No we finally moved away from him.
Smells familiar. We are still together, though reading this website is scary. For me the smear campaigns started during the relationship. He has accused me of infidelity numerous times, and he says that the people (who I’m accused of being with) told him themselves what had happened. Until now I believed him (that they backed up his fears). Now I wonder if he has completely made all of this up to make me feel guilty (even though I never did anything). At least if I find out it is all lies, then in a way it is a weight off my mind – that people didn’t tell nasty lies to him about me, and that I am not crazy!
What’s said here is the straight up truth. Being a victim myself, I can’t applaud this information enough. Everything said they will do on this site is what they will do. It’s almost like reading a people-friendly textbook. Word for word – it’s what they do.
This is SO true and has made me feel so much better after the breakup. He would constantly tell me he loves me, etc, texting me obsessively despite trying to establish boundaries, etc. He spent the entirety of the relationship obsessively making sure that I wasn’t telling friends about the intimacy in our relationship, but I found out later that he was spreading those same details to our friends behind my back. I was blown away and felt so betrayed. Also, the bombarding is pretty true, too. He sent me a huge text a couple weeks after our breakup (trying to play “nice” and say what a great experience it was to date me, etc.) and then tried to contact me through a friend he called by having him put the phone on speaker while I was there. Then, when I started telling my friends the truth about our relationship that he had tried to lie about and cover up, I heard from friends that he was threatening to contact me again. One friend even advised me to block him on every media site. I will never deal with a crazy relationship like that again.
I am considering leaving my husband, but he is highly successful, charming, and put together on the outside. I am scared he will get vindictive and try to pull my life apart. We have three children and I want full custody because his affection and behavior are so unpredictable and I just don’t want my girls around him when he is being crazy. They can spend time with fun dad but I don’t want them to have to go stay with him when he is being manipulative dad. Is it realistic to get full custody? Does anyone know? How can I make a judge understand my circumstances when my husband looks perfect on paper? If I have to go into a dual custody situation I feel like it is better for me to stay married. At least I can always be there for my kids and try to protect them…. Do sociopaths love their children?
I feel like my husband is a sociopath, but somehow he sees that there is some darkness in him. I think he tries to battles it on one level, but can’t seem to fully see it or get away from it. It’s like an ugly demon living inside him that takes over. The whole thing is heartbreaking. For me, for him, but especially for my kids. Horrible.
Dear Hope… I am so sorry about your situation. Completely understand your it. Very hard to deal with a SP who is highly successful, has a career and comes off as perfect, charming, etc. on the outside, but is cruel, manipulative, etc. on the inside. I especially feel for you having children with this man and them having to suffer the repercussions. Stay married if you can stand it till they’re up and out of the house or go off to college. This way you can protect them, be there for them, etc.
I dated a man very similar to your husband. Financially successful, charming, smooth as can be and in some ways didn’t fit the mold of the victim playing, lazy, lying good for nothing persona.
But he was a sociopath nonetheless as he was a man without a soul, empathy or the ability to truly care and love anyone. He was quiet, would volunteer and help those less fortunate as he knew this made him look good to those he wanted to impress. But underneath any positive, loving behavior was all for show so he could come off as a really nice guy.
He ended up walking out one morning. Cool as a cucumber. Hadn’t a clue he was going to leave. No honest reasons were given and wham, somewhat disappeared. For awhile. Then he kept trying to contact me. I had had enough and wanted no part of him. Blocked him from social media, phones and email.
That worked for awhile. He’s now back in town and has been on a charm offensive with my social circle and they haven’t a clue as to his true character. I never bad mouthed him publically. Only shared the truth with a couple of good friends. So they all think he’s ‘such a nice guy’… Kinda burns me up. But then again, they’ll learn the hard truth if they let him into their lives.
Anyway, I wanted to respond to you specifically because I can relate. Most posts here are about sociopaths who don’t work, are moochers to the enth degree, are braggarts and/or drama kings and queens. Mine, for the most part was not. He was a pretty quiet guy but financially successful (for a good portion of the time. Has since gone done hill and now struggles), charming as all get up, good looking and came off as a real sweetheart.
He has since dated several women since our split. I pray that he marries one of them and exits my town and life for good. Since his return I’ve managed to avoid any real contact, but if he doesn’t get out of Dodge soon, it’s bound to happen. My plan is to smile, say hello and then walk away and not engage whatsoever.
Good luck on your journey with your SP husband. I truly hope he doesn’t hurt or your kids to the point of no return. Hang in there and maybe the author of this site will give some words of advice to help you through things.
Im so glad i found this site,it took me six years to work all this out i feel great now i know
Welcome Bryan 🙂
Just wondering Has anyone encountered an alchoholic sociopath ?and what were your expriences ?
No but alcoholism and drug abuse can take you around crazy cycle. Dont know what sociopath would be like, would imagine they would rage and struggle to keep the mask up (what happened when mine drank). He would become violent the mask was down.
You left out one of their dirty tricks. After the unexplained discard, mine suddenly began calling the police on me every time I turned around.
Oh, my gosh, yes! My ex N discarded me in the worst way, stealing every single thing I owned, including my ID, clothes, underwear… EVERYTHING. I had nothing but his car, which I drove in order to escape. I’d given up my home in order to move with him across the country. So I was homeless. He called the police in every state from AR to CA to report I stole his car. I got pulled over once, and the officer checked out my story, and was very kind. He said car wasn’t stolen because we were ma rried. When ex learned that, he started calling police on me for all kinds of bs. Nothing was true. The judge in divorce court believed every word he said, though. They are the worst people in the world, and they are all the same.