Mirror Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?
In the very beginning things feel extremely promising with the sociopath. But you will not know why.
You have met what appears to be the person of your dreams. He appears to be everything that you ever looked for in a man. What you do not realise, is that this man has already assessed you.
He has assessed you by
- What you say
- Body language
- Talks of needs and wants
- Information about your life
- How much do you have to take?
- Do you have what he wants?
- What is the support in your life – and what opposition would there be to achieve his objective?
In the beginning the sociopath will ask a lots of questions? You were flattered that he seemed to know and understand you so well? How he knew you like nobody else, this has to be a soul mate connection – right? He is just like you….. and has same values, same goals, and seems to have similar to offer as you.
The sociopath is a predator and has the ability to read a person better than anyone Despite his warm charismatic extererior, behind this lies a cold calculating mind, not inhibited by emotions. The sociopath will do lots of things to assess you, and to decide what you are worth, and if what you have to offer is what he needs. To the sociopath, a victim/target is no more than a tool to be used.
He is the slick, smooth salesman, and will assess you, for what you want, what you need, will mirror back to you, and then ‘sell’ you exactly what you want. Its the ultimate deception. The sociopath is expert at selling himself, to be exactly what you want and need.
The assessment and how they mirror you, will depend on what they want from you.
If they need money? They will ask
- “how much is your house worth”
- “how much do you earn”
- “do you have any debts”?
From an early point, the sociopath is assessing you. He does not want you to be suspicious (who wants to be with a free loader) and so he will counteract these questions with outright lies
- “I own a house, its rented elsewhere, its worth xxx”
- “I earn xxx” (usually a ridiculously high amount)
- “I work as x x x” (a job which will match your professional level)
- “I have no debts, never got into debt” (giving the illusion of financial stability).
Of course these are all all lies, the lies are designed to ‘match’ you and to sell you what you are looking for. This is all part of the strategy for him to be the ‘ideal man (or woman)’ . These lies will lure you into a false sense of security. You will feel that you have met someone who is
- Just like you
- Holds the same values you as you
- Has the same interests as you
- Likes you for all of the values that you hold
He will offer you, whatever you are ‘advertising’ as lacking in your life
- If you are lonely – he will offer companionship
- If your ex was unfaithful or you were hurt in the past, he will sell himself as a person from long term stable relationships
- If you need money, he will tell you that he has financial stability, a good job etc
- If you are seeking stability, he will present himself as a stable person
- If you need fun and excitement, he will be fun and exciting
Whatever you want and need – the sociopath will be keen to provide it.
Assessing and then being who you want, is called mirroring
A sociopath will mirror you Which means that he will reflect back to you, exactly who you are, or even who you think you are. He positively enforces your good qualities, or what you perceive your good qualities to be. He will not mention your bad points or your weaknesses. You might assume that he is so blinded by love, that he hasn’t noticed your weaknesses. But he has. He will test you for weaknesses, then store your weaknesses in his mind for a future date.
By mirroring you, naturally you will assume that you are with someone that you
1. Feel safe with
2. Can trust
3. Someone similar to you. Similar values, goals, and long term life outlooks
We all like people who are like us. People who reflect us.
A sociopath will affectively mirror you, both in the assessment stage, and throughout the relationship. They will continue to mirror you, until they have used you for all that you are worth.
This gives the false illusion that you are with someone who is special. Someone who is just like you, who is a soulmate, and someone that you have known for a considerable period of time, it feels ‘comfortable’ and it feels ‘right’……
If you have met somone, and the relationship has progressed extremely quickly, and you have been swept off of your feet. That this person feels ‘perfect’…. just take a step back, and remember that perfection does not exist. It s a mythical tale, real relationships take work , effort, and adjustment. No two people are identical, not even identical twins, so what are the chances of meeting someone almost identical to you in this life? Really? It is not very realistic, do not let your heart run away with your head. Stand back, and think, what do I REALLY know about this person? What is verified? How much of this is real?
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013
Photos: stock images
15 thoughts on “How does the sociopath assess his target? – Assessment and Mirroring”
boy did i get used. we were first intorduced by common friend. -kind of a blind date. i introduced myself, then we went for a surf,had a minor chat after. said she was not interested. no big, just made a new friend. about a year later we had a chnace meeting at a stop sign( now i am not so sure that it was an “accident” that we met like that.) anyway, she seemed very happy to see me and gave me a big hug. hey let’s get together for a surf or something. we did-and rode horses which was her big thing-horses. said she had been back home in oz watching a surf movie that i was in. odd, because i was not surfing, i was working on some famous surf family’s cattle ranch. said her and little nephew watched it over and over. she commented that when she saw that she had “better have another look at this guy” she was all hot to trot, while i was easing into the getting to know her/dating thing nice and easy. she use to get peaved by that. it soon become VERY obvious we had a whole lot in common.almost too much . we use to joke that we were long lost twins.within 3 months wwere living together and engaged. it felt right, comfortable,safe. i will say when oi proposed she did mention she was tired of waiting for me to and was ready to aske me herself.(hmm, really? that’s a bit odd) so from january until december of that year we had ana amzing relationship that many appreciated and envied.total soulmates.then her adult son moved in with us. we agreed he had to do two things- follow our ruls and eventually get a job. he (a real obvious sociopath) was soon in trouble with the law, refused to work(he is above that)and constantly broke our rules. the worsthing is she would not do a thing about it. no consequences,etc. i bought all the food and household items-she would sneek stuff out to him. i’d ask her not to do that, if he needs tp, soap, crackers, whatever, he can get a job and buy his own. after tow years of yhis i told her i though t she was using me. well, she convinced me otherwise. all the while i’m thinking why is he a priority over me in this situation? if i meant that much to her i should have some priority here. nope. all about what she wanted and rhe kid. every once in a while i would have to get on her to straighten the kid out-remind of rules and boundries. she didn’t like that. needless to say the wedge between us increased, yet no changes. this led to a lot of stress, frustration and definitely messed up our sex life. all this time ( almost 6 years now) she has been going to school, earning a bs and masters degree. when we met she did not work, saying her parents gave her a 100,000 to come to california and go to school. she also said they were filthy rich and we would never be detitute. huh? i have a secure job, not too worried about being destitute.tuns out she has been taking out student loans to survive on. when they ran out , she did get a job for 3.5 years teaching horseback riding.this brings us back to the movie deal. she loves horses and ranch stuff. so when she saw what i was doing i think that’s when the light went on-ah, look what he can supply me-horses, famous surfers, surf spots,etc. “better take another look at this guy” so it looks like she targetd me, assessed, mirrired, used me for her and her son’s meal ticket and ultimately-when she got her masters awarded her in july, i had nothing left to offer. i provided horses, surfboards, trucks, trailers, fixed up our “nest” etc. we were inseperable. yes, things had gotten strained but we still had that connection i had been dealing with a bck issue for a year-she use to call me old/useless; lie to rineds about why i wasn’t at this function or that one. in august she headed to oz (as usual) to visit her fmily. i get an e-mail stating that’s it. she is not coming back. devestating for sure . left me with a house i can’t afford on my own, pets, horses, all her personal stuff, etc. and her son.also, she walked out on her significant student loan and credit card debts(apperently she walked away from 30k credit card debt when she came to california. no big deal, only dings you for 7 years. i am sure she already has a new “target” as she has no job. no money. i just don’t get how people can do this…
Hi what makes you think that she is a sociopath? as it does sound quite normal for a mother to protect her son and to look out for his interests? I don’t think too many mothers would like another man disciplining her son. That is normal maternal protection (I would think). Sociopaths are compulsive pathological liars. They wear a mask of deception. display anger and rage only when they feel that they are losing control – otherwise are masked by charm and charisma and down right lies – to get what they want. It is only later that the truth is revealed and you realise that everything was a lie – and they show absolutely no guilt remorse or shame – for ruining your life.
she lies all tHE time-especially TO HER PARENTS. I HAD NO PART IN DISCIPLINING BHER BOY(WHO IS 27) we agreed he had to follow house rules- no parties, weed, late night stuff, and get a job to start supporting himself. she let him do whatever, get arrested for stealing? no big deal. drive wthout insurance-no big deal. constantly come in between 2-4: am-often bringing people over from club, waking me up. I worked she didn’t for a long time. bottom line there is -and I kept telling her- this is putting a wedge in our relationship. he shouldn’t have even lived with us for that long. she would sometimes have that weird, blank stare-very much like the masks you have on your site. she manipulated everybody, deceptive. not responsible at all with 4, credit cards. used me as meal ticket and supplier unitl she got done with school. she left us all hanging….when I was severly injured and unable to walk she showed no sympathy at all. in fact she got mad and would call me old and useless. she never went to market or prepared meals during that time. just stayed out and ride her horse until 8-9pm.
I found your website today and I felt its worth reading from beginning. Thus, I have started from your first blog.
Sociopaths are everywhere, I have so far had plenty of experiences, I believe this experiences usually happens with people who are honest. As the saying goes “honest trees are cut first”.
People who are true and honest with their life and actions, should be really careful when interacting with external world. Never take blind decisions, wait for a while, do analysis with your logic mind with the help of your consciousness. Always keep three things in mind:
and then JUDGMENT.
The nature itself is mystic, its not what it shows itself to us. So do human beings, they show different forms, in other words to identify the core nature of a human being is really difficult. How you perceive people around you should be always backed by logic and analysis!!
Example: you may go to a party, some stranger would come and say to you I am a millionaire, now there are two ways here i) Believeing blindly that he is a millionaire and getting fooled later ii) grinding him up for a while with questions related to his business, see what he is wearing, how he is drinking, what kind of food he is ordering, what kind of people he has around him and so on. By the time you would have come to know who he realy is!!
2. I feel the honest people should device their own techniques or protection shield from these advantage taking sociopaths!!
1) When I was doing my master studies, one of my classmate came and introduced himself, later we became good friends, he started taking me out to pubs on weekends, I used to spend the whole weekend taking rest in my place since I was drunk. He introduced me to few girls, sometimes they used to come and spend whole night in my room. I started drinking regularly and even I started to smoke. Now my studies, my projects all got pending day by day. Finally I needed up with poor grades with incomplete project.
Later I realised it was a pure trap to bring me down, since I was in my professors list for PHD studies!! He succeeded in completing the project with good grades and ended being the only candidate who got selected for PHD studies.
B) I joined for an internship in a company and my performance was at its peaks. Thus my supervisor offered me 2 years further contract upon completion of internship. Suddenly after few days the whole mentality of my project mates changed towards me, there where gossips all around saying that I was sleeping with prostitutes, they looked after such that I could not survive in the company, mentally I got unstable, I quitted the company after three months.
Later I came to know, The company wanted me to lead the project in the future!! It was my supervisor itself who played the game, he didn’t wanted to see me above him, thus he and his team made sure to make me quit the company.
These are just few examples.
Now, I have learned the art to survive, don’t give space to everyone instantly, it doesn’t matter even if you end up alone, don’t give up, stand there and fight for you place. Believe me you will survive one day.
Don’t let anyone take advantage of you, all people are not sociopaths, but there are few people who are honest and its difficult to find them!!
Hi GK (I changed your name for your own protection)
You might think that you could grill somebody to find the truth, but they are incredibly manipulative, clever, and prolific liars. They will go to great lengths to ‘prove’ that their lies are the truth. For example, my ex, faked that he was a great father, that he saw his daughter every other weekend, and that the mother was dying of cancer. To achieve this, he set his alarm on his phone to ‘ring’ as a ring tone, and then had phone conversations in front of me, to his daughter, mother of his child. On the phone in front of me. Would have telephone conversations with people in front of me. I wasn’t stupid, but his ability to deceive, and to use tools to enable him to deceive is beyond what you could possibly ever imagine.
This is why they are so convincing. He then later faked that he had jobs. He was in a strange city, it was raining outside, he had no car, and knew nobody in the city, yet he would leave the house at 7am daily and not return until at least 5.45pm each evening to give the illusion that he was at work. He would call during the day, updating on his day.
If pushed with suspicion, he would become angry, the evidence was there in front of me. By then they have moved close into your space. The strongest person in the world, would never know. I would look more crazy by not believing? It is twisted and very clever, if you read through this site from the start, and I am aware that this is the first post, those posts written in 2013, were either as it was happening, also while my brain was in trauma. Monitoring and writing observations and details, that not many would observe, as at the time I had no emotional connection.
Thank you very much for the reply and the feedback.
Yes these people are masters when it comes to their profession, mostly its the people like you and me who end up as a victims. Every sociopath will have a purpose, how to identify there purpose is the biggest question.
Now am in the stage, which you were in 2013, am slowly trying to gather myself to become normal again.
1. I never allow anyone to judge about me [I always keep my weakness and strengths as a secret].
2. I do self analysis, and try to make the changes where ever possible to my life according to my own judgments.
3. Advice is a form of hypnosis, I never blindly take advices, I do analysis on the incoming advices.
4. I never move with any stranger instantly, I always put them on analysis mode until my consciousness says they are genuine, but still I get fooled!!!!
Sociopaths are not just limited to relationships, they are every where:
Life has become a living hell for honest, well mannered and true people. Its deception everywhere, I have suffered a lot. All they know is to suck the blood out of the honest people, make their life miserable and see them suffer. These people are self centred human beings they don’t care what happens to others.
I will keep reading your blogs whenever I find free time, I hope they will help me all the way to lift myself up. I appreciate your efforts and guiding us all here.
“Honest, well mannered and true people need some kind of tools to protect themselves”
Thank you also GK 🙂
I request you write a book in the future, explaining how one can protect themselves from these sociopaths in all fields of like.
Yes this is my plan gk to get this work into a book. Oddly i returned to him in 2014 became totally brainwashed. We split in jan 2015 and it was this site that would undo the brainwashing and mind control. I know it works. Am currently working on getting the work into a book and then hopefully getting a publisher.
I would say, you have taken a good decision by becoming a free bird. When your actions and thoughts are good you will always find a way out. Am pretty much sure your book will get published one fine day and am gonna buy it. All the best 🙂
thank you again,
Have a good day.
Hi, after doing a bit more analysis, I have found that I have incorporated a few sociopath tendencies unknown to me!!!!!! I will work in the future to get rid of them!!!!!
my question is, what makes a person develop these tendencies?
is it society?
I believe that psychopaths are born that way. Sociopaths are created usually within childhood due to environmental factors.
And also there are sociopaths who are woman as well. I have seen many men suffering.
As a child its the thought process that should be taken care of.
According to me the fundamental Building block of humanity is thought process, I mean how we think, this has to facilitated by culture, society and family. If the Culture, Society and family itself is corrupt, obviously we see sociopaths and all kind of weird human beings.
when I mean:
am not referring to any religion or caste or creed.
According to me:
should be built/backed up by moral values, capable to initiate the good thought process into human beings. Thats the only way to evolution I believe!!
The work has to be done from ROOT LEVEL, preventing the sociopaths doesn’t solve the problem I believe, there will be more and more and more in the coming future.