Biggest fear for a sociopath -well there are two!

Sociopath’s fear two things

Sociopaths do not have much fear. This is simply because they do not really care about anybody but themselves. They thrive on finding your weaknesses and therefore exposing your fears (although you will not be aware of this in the beginning when you are disclosing your fears to him) when he is playing Mr Perfect, and Mr Soulmate and Mr love of your life.


But sociopaths do fear. They fear two things.

1. Fear of losing control

One of the biggest fears for a sociopath is to lose control. Press their buttons, take away their control, and you will see the mask slip, and the melt down occur. A sociopath needs to have control over everything and everyone. Oh yes, they will pretend to be very laid back, life and soul and relaxed, but underneath this exterior is a simmering desire for control. The one thing that will make a sociopath ‘lose it’ is for them to lose control. They will do everything to keep control.

2. Fear of exposure

The second thing that a sociopath fears is exposure. He fears that people will find out who he really is. He will go to great lengths to cover for himself.  A sociopath is capable of compulsive pathological lying, manipulation and deception. He will go to great lengths and be very creative to hide his real true self.

If the relationship has finished, and he fears that you will expose him. He will do all that he can to instil fear into you, so that you will not expose him. He will tell lies about you, conduct smear campaigns, make threats against you, and will even stalk and harass you. He will make out to others that you are crazy. He does this so that if you do report him to others they will not believe you.

Sociopaths do not fear much. But they do fear those two things.

  1. Fear of losing control
  2. Fear of exposure

Things that the sociopath will do to prevent exposure

  • Move to a different location
  • Compulsive pathological lying
  • Manipulation and deception
  • Being secretive
  • Wearing a mask, and creating a false persona
  • Smear campaigns and lies against you

Things that the sociopath will do to prevent losing control

  • All of the above and (additionally)
  • Isolate you
  • Feed false information
  • Gaslight you

You need to be aware of these two things. Because he will go to great lengths to ensure that he does not lose control, or get exposed for who he truly is. He will not care who is hurt in the process. Protecting himself, and his own needs, is most important of all. A sociopath only truly cares for his/herself.

Why do sociopaths fear losing control?

The sociopath fears losing control, as it is the one thing that keeps him focused.  Because the sociopath has a lack of life plan and goals in his own life, he needs to control your life. Remember that the sociopath sees YOU as the source for supply, ordinarily a person provides for themselves, and if they are generous, they provide for others too.

A sociopath is different to this. To him you are the source for his own supply, so he fears losing you, and therefore losing his supply. Which would mean that he would need to start again. This is why the sociopath tries to retain control at all costs. You will notice the things that he will do to keep control. He will say things which will hold you back, or keep you attached to him (see above),  he has to keep control of you, to have any sense of control over his own life.

To the sociopath, they see you as somebody that they own. Not only, that they own, but additionally, you are a part of them. This is why they feel jealous, possessive, paranoid, because they fear  losing control.

Why do  sociopaths fear exposure? 

Sociopaths fear exposure because they are accepted by people because of their charismatic charm. This is how they win people over,  by manipulation, compulsive lying, and deception. They are  chameleons and are capable of being anything to anyone, dependent on what the person wants. The sociopath is the master of illusion.

If you were to expose him, he would lose control, and wouldn’t be able to deceive other people, others would be suspicious of him, and if things were not to work out with you, he would find it more difficult, or more work, to find an alternative source for supply.

The sociopath likes the easy life. To live off of others, to get things for free, to have others do the work for him, and provide his supply. If you were to expose him, he would lie, and would discredit you, say anything about you, to remove the likelihood of being exposed. He would say things like ‘you are crazy’ or anything else that he could say, to show himself in a good light, and you in a bad one.

It is never a good idea to expose a sociopath. As the outcome would be lies, smear campaigns, and it would be your own good name which would be ruined.

It might be a temptation, if he has gone off with someone else, to expose him to  the next person to ‘save her’ but this would likely backfire on you. As the sociopath, in defence of himself, would only say the most awful things about you. Whilst the sociopath does fear exposure, it is probably not a good idea to actually do this, as the sociopath would retaliate,  it really would backfire on you and cause further damage to your own life.

Copyright  © 2013

116 thoughts on “Biggest fear for a sociopath -well there are two!”

  1. Short and to the point but you are right: They fear losing control and being exposed for their true selves. My S would often say he had a thick skin and nothing phases him in life. He was content to “just be” and angrily asked why I helped others when they needed an ear or other assistance in life. He simply had no empathy for others. When I asked him how he felt about something he would respond, “I hate talking about feelings.” It was always about him and his needs–Always!!!!. It’s best to avoid these disturbed people at all costs.

    1. Yes. agreed. It is ALWAYS about them. How they feel. What is in it for them.

      In their world, it is like nobody else actually matters. Mine used to say, if I ever raised something he had done ‘oh I don’t want histrionics’….. he could do what he liked. But he hated losing control more than anything. 🙂 thank you for your comment.

      1. I went out with a woman for a year from Cleavland and she gave me a lot of stories to get money and ride’s she is self centered before I broke up with her found out that she got caught for welfare fraud I turned her in to the Bank /welfare /Equifax her credit was gone for 7 years with welfare fraud now she has. scammer on her Credit History she is never going to have Credit for the rest of her life and she has no idea who turned her in Lol

  2. You just described my ex and what is happening to me to a “T”. He is losing control and doing everything in his power to keep it. He has lied about me saying Iam mentally ill, a drug user…totally untrue. Said I took the stole the kids’ college funds which I proved to be untrue, but still, he has spread these rumors about me to anyone who would listen, and since he moved us to this small town where I know hardly anyone, many people have believed him.
    Hos own daughter has told people things he has been doing to her when he has her for visits, but he has twisted everything and no one believes her either.

    1. Oh I am so sorry to hear what you are going through. It feels like an ever ending endless nightmare. The ruining and the smear campaigns the lies about you. Is just so awful. And often this happens when you have been isolated from other people. He will do all that he can to keep himself from a) losing control and b) being exposed for who he really is. I guess if he is father of your child, it is difficult for you to establish total no contact with him? I am so sorry to read what you are going through for sure he sounds like a sociopath. These people are just not right in the head 😦

  3. I just recently had a relationship with a man who did the “smear campaign” thing with me. He told my circle of friends that I was “psycho” but I’m glad he’s gone. I’ve left all that circle of people to stay away from him. I never want to go through this again.

    I have a long line of predators behind me. I have to make some major internal changes and address my wounding before I do more damage to myself.

    No more relationships with men for a while. I have much work to do on me.

    1. Yes I am at that stage too. 3 men pretty much took my world down, one after the other like a domino effect.

      But i guess the beauty is, that it removes those who are not genuine friends.

      That feeling of ‘betrayal’ is one of the worst feelings in the world i think.

      1. I agree on what you said about betray. But ya know, there is one way to think of it. Being betrayed by someone who was originally a fake is better than being betrayed by someone of value. Just my opinion 🙂

      2. That is an interesting thought. I think though because they are compulsive pathological liars, you can fall in love with the fake….. and charismatic types are so charming, you would never see the bad side until the end was near.

        I read once that the most important thing in a relationship is ‘how the person makes you feel about yourself.

        That’s the thing, if you are with a charismatic type, they can make you feel amazing — from start to finish. It is only when the end is in sight do you have any idea at all.

        The distempered type is different, as they are more sadistic and narcissistic so the experience was probably not a good one from start to finish.

        With the charismatic one….. it can be difficult, as you are in love with a persona that has been created… that doesn’t exist.

        But yes, I do agree with you, it does hurt more when you are betrayed by someone of value!! definately, I think that the beauty of the ending with the sociopath, as long as you find out what it is… and can find support, is that it is the ONLY time that there are other people you can talk to who know exactly what you went through….. like you all dated the same wrongun 🙂

      3. The wrongun is right! Another opinion I have is whenever you break off all contact with a sociopath, just think of what you’ve been missing when the two of you were together? Peace of mind, no more time wasted on listening to pointless lies, freedom, and the list goes on 😉

    2. I recommend 3 books: Psychopaths and Love by A.B. Admin,Women Who Love Psychopaths by Sandra L. Brown, and Psychopath Free by Peace. These books are very helpful in gaining insight into our wonderful traits as empaths but how they can become a liability in the hands of a psychopath. I have not had a romantic relationship for the past year as a result of the trauma from a psychopath. I think it’s better to cultivate healthy friendships where you can build that trust again.

  4. I am so relieved I have found this blog. I thought I was going crazy and I am so thankful to know I’m not alone in overcoming this terrible terrible lying man. I have only been discarded by this individual a few days ago. The whole year we were together, I always had a gut feeling that something wasn’t quite right. He was a narcissist and misogynist. The way he spoke of past girlfriends was atrocious. It was always their fault. He complained of loneliness and being in exhile

    1. The psychopath I was involved with “prayed” for me. This is like Ted Bundy praying for his victims and their families. If it wasn’t so sick, it might be funny (but isn’t). I am just so relieved to have this monster OUT of my life.

      He contacted me about 6 months after we broke up, and wanted to suck me back in again. I wouldn’t buy it. He got “in touch” with his feelings…what feelings? This man couldn’t understand my anger, or anyone else’s anger at his vicious behavior.

      My mantra is “never again.”

      1. Mine said he prayed to find me likening it to a triad of very turbulent situations in life…the first praying that his father survives cancer during his childhood, second praying for a child when his wife couldn’t conceive and third, finding someone to spend his life with also insistently saying that he had waited a long time for “me” but apparently not long enough as I began to call him out, roasting him over the fire he had gathered enough wood for. Enough gimmick to have you convinced that this was something worth investing time and energy into developing…until you find another woman in his phone and he continues down a myriad of deception confirming details that he is a liar, fraud and cheat with the intent of grifting along unsacthed. He never prayed for me to arrive in his life but preyed upon me…never again!!!

    2. I ended the relationship with mine 3 months ago. He was FURIOUS. I was called every name in the book. He smeared me all over social media. He’s responsible for my dog being gone. I don’t know if he killed her or gave her to someone. But after threats of killing me & her….I did a background check on him. He’s not a nice person. I’m so glad he’s out of my life.

  5. I am so relieved I have found this blog. I thought I was going crazy and I am so thankful to know I’m not alone in overcoming this terrible terrible lying man. I have only been discarded by this individual a few days ago. The whole year we were together, I always had a gut feeling that something wasn’t quite right. He was a narcissist and misogynist. The way he spoke of past girlfriends was atrocious. It was always their fault. He complained of loneliness and being in exhile. He was estranged from family members without explanation. Yet I was the exception. I was his queen. I was the one. I was his world. I was the air in his lungs (sicko). At the end he sent me lyrics to a Henry Rollins song “Liar saying he loves it! It’s the definition of sociopath. I nearly gave up everything for this man. Everything. I feel the fool right now. I just feel for whoever the next victim is.

    1. Your welcome Jaq, I think it is a process, coming to terms with what they are. Often they have manipulated and conned. SO you are left with your brain in a fog. Apart from that they can be charismatic and charming, so you wonder if they really are a sociopath? You reason that they are sometimes so nice and caring – and – helpful!!! , they can’t be surely?

    2. Omg…… I am listening to that song Jaq….. how very very true!! How just lack of remorse guilt or shame, to send that to you, and how hurtful!!! Yes, if he identifies with this, I see sociopath too!! 😦

  6. Angry Ignorant or Crazy? Yes that is a given remark of the Sociopath. Anyone who projects those three statements is actually exposing what they really are. They have a motive because they are desperate for validation. They use ‘shaming’ another from their envy in order to rid what they know can expose them and who has courage. They will hide behind images such as military and garbage talk military (Exhibits) but act military pride when it will entitle them to acclaim or personal gain. They are a dishonor to real military hero’s that sacrifice in silence. Do not Pity anyone and you have a right to stand your ground.

    Holly M Colino

  7. Anyone who Demonizes their ‘opponent’ exposes their malice. Demonizing is petty name calling such as calling one an ignorant, angry or crazy. Those individuals carry suppressed rage and take that rage out on victims who are alone and they will also apply passive aggressive behavior. Holly M Colino

  8. I’ve never been formally diagnosed with ASPD but fit nearly 100% of the characteristics of somebody with Psychopathy.

    I understand from reading everything on this website that you don’t believe that I am even human. If I was capable of feeling anything stronger than some apathy towards that comment it’d certaintly be more of the flashes of sadness I get when seeing somebody take my entire life and my life experience and call me a monster, all because of how I was born.

    I know you all don’t want to feel anything but contempt and hatred for me because of the men and women in your past who weren’t able to suppress themselves from harming you but reading others call me a demon truly does hurt – it almost hurts as bad as when I stare into my girlfriend’s eyes and tell her I love her and her knowing that my love for her will never be the kind she has for me.

    I never asked to be this way.

      1. No I do not. When I was young I would act viciously and quite horribly to people. I don’t willfully bring harm to others anymore because I know that it’s a poor economic choice.

        My reputation would suffer infinitely more than my conscience over something I did.

        I realize that this sounds cruel. I never, ever, have true violent urges. I’ve never even came close to having to repress a physically harmful action but my ability to express any type of care to other people exists only up until they no longer can give me anything.

        I’m not parasitic though, if I may say so. I always return the favor because again, I’m not parasitic. I know that my standing would suffer if I was just a leech off of other people. But I would if I could, because it’s calculatedly the best option.

        I love my current girlfriend and in fact, I told her very early on that I am nearly positive that I am psychopathic. I explained the love I feel for her, I explained how she will never be first in my life – but will always be second, and how she has a duty to herself to never allow me to disrespect her and further explained that is because if I disrespect her once – I will slowly lose the high amounts of respect I currently have for her.

        I posted my comment because I am not like many of the men and women people I’ve seen spoken about on this website. They have to have a low intellect to be acting that way. I am extremely high functioning but recognize that I am a ‘broken’ person and I have been trying for years to learning how to properly treat people. Unfortunately, this doesn’t mean I am doing it out of the goodness of my heart. There is a selfish, ulterior motive behind me wanting to be perfect but it’s not malicious. Selfish to myself, not malicious to other people .I know that you all view me as a monster, but I’m working with everything I have to still leave a positive impact on the world.

      2. My ex sociopath wasn’t violent either. I quite liked him really. But he was a parasite. For sure. I don’t hate him, I just don’t like the way that the pattern in his brain works, and how he always causes carnage. At least you are trying, I have witnessed my ex ‘try’ but unfortunately the same pattern repeats over and over.

      3. As far as the parasitic aspect goes, I’ve always had an insatiable desire to provide for my inner circle.

        I would be crossing a personal boundary to use others for anything other than company.

    1. I have to agree with you that you are correct about it being in your nature but you do have a choice. Its all fear based and instead of being a person who truely loves your nature in all aspects is to devour and you cannot even help yourself. It is very very sad and destructive not even for the girl your about to really really hurt badly but also for yourself the sickness just gets worse and worse. Your not the demon but demons do run your life and most sociopaths are not even aware that demons run their life thats why it gets worse-no god no glory I feel bad for your girlfriend who will go through sheer hell being with you and I feel bad for you because you are trapped in hell and will never know the way out unless by miracle god show you- goodluck

      1. Demon: a cruel, evil, or destructive person or thing.

        Yea I would say that fits quite perfectly, I do not understand this modern conception of changing accurate words in some fear of offending someone. A Demon would more accurately describe them than a human would.

        Our very idea of what it means to be “Human” is based around cooperation, compassion, and empathy. Those are the ideals we try to adhere to as the best shining example of what we are.

        How can someone without a “Moral Compass” or “Empathy” a person incapable from learning from previous mistakes only skilled in avoiding the consciences, be considered “Good”

        So why not just call them what they are “Evil” unless you wish to change the classical definition of “Evil”, then it would be a politically correct farce not to apply this term to them.

        Possibly you worried about hurting them, you’d have a better chance of hurting a rock.

    2. Tyler,

      I want you pray and ask God and Jesus Christ to come into your heart and give you a new heart and a new mind. A heart to be able to love and to love others purely. I know you are not a monster and the only answer that can help you is Jehovah God and Jesus Christ.

      You may not believe in God but I want you to try him and pray that simple prayer. I know without a shadow of a doubt he will answer. Just Try him. You have nothing to lose but everything to gain.

      God bless you! I want you to know that he loves you.

    3. Hi Tyler, its sounds like you have enough intelligence to understand right from wrong? Is it as simple as choosing? For instance I stole as a child and got caught. If I didn’t would I have developed a behaviour trait where I would gain by a dishonest action? I never stole again and learnt to gain in other more rewarding healthy ways. What do you think?

    4. Really,and write now your not lieing,or trying to manipulate people on nere,who have been badly hurt?
      You write about ,it’s not my fault,I didn’t ask to this….
      You say you feel,…really…..your skills can not be trusted,people just like you have said the same things over and over and over again only to play the game again regardless of how badly you hurt another.You take and take and take..until there’s nothing left for you to feed off of.Because you know you just crushed us,and dismantled our inner self.we are left with questioning our self. About being crazy,or blaming our self for the pain we feel.How messed up is that…..

    5. Well obviously your showing strong characteristics of admitting !!!!! So by admitting says a whole perspective on your personalaity . These people don’t take responsibility for there actions. You reverted back to our pasts which are all different but very similar. Either you’ve caused this pain and you don’t know that it hurts people. But I’m not buyin that Or your acting second hand to another person . Or you have some other agenda. But these are real experiences . Other people are facing if you feel you fit that description get some help and recognize the strength it’s taken to acknowledge that but I don’t believe you . I think your on the sight your herring real pain folks are going through and your just peeping tomming or fishing for some form of answer go to a support group that supports sosiopath activities and don’t play victim . Everyone was given a choice free will . If someone feels there a danger to society like your self who says you fit the profile then help yourself to help others and get help express your ways and maybe your one in the acception but the definition is clear they must not be exposed thereworst fear . So it’s possible your speaking of a loved one that you no fits and your not the profile or you’d never admit it .

    6. Cute Attempt, but you aren’t possible of feeling pain in your girlfriends eyes, that would require empathy which you don’t have.

      Now lets apply your own cold hard logic to the situation we find ourselves in. We have 4% of the population causing 99% of the worlds atrocities. If you isolate the problem to the individual, at look at solely from a aspect of criminality, than it seems like a small problem. When you see the effects of these individuals on others however and you have all of societies problems.

      1 in 5 CEO’s fall within the Psycho,socio, narci, line which is all the same disease actually just expressed differently. Brain Scans have shown reduced capacity in the brains of all those afflicted, showing a clear physical correlation between what we thought were separate disorders, which we now know are clearly linked , and NOT MENTAL but physical disorders. It’s nature not nurture that creates a sociopath, abuse does not create a sociopath.

      So the CEO who decided to kill 5000 villagers in third world country to save dumping costs, or the pipeline spill that was caused by under budgeted equipment, or the bonzi scheme that bankrupted families?

      Do you think these were caused by sociopaths or empath? You know as well as I do this was all caused by sociopaths. Literally every horrible thing that happens in the world can be traced back to a sociopath. From the recent shootings, to governmental corruption, to our economic, and environmental crisis. All sociopaths who put themselves first over others.

      Now for a sociopath in ultimate power facing multiple crises by 4% of the population, the answer would be quick and obvious, with cold hard logic.

      So why shouldn’t I treat you the exact same way you would treat me? I should ignore all of that because you were born different, just like you would say, How is that my problem? However all the bullshit your kind causes me because you were born “Different” is a big problem for all of us.

  9. I certainly have a psychopath in my life, who has virtually ruined me thru his lies. This man raped and beat my children and I and despite being up on charges of rape and assaults he has his new girlfriend, family and many others believing I am crazy and a liar.

    Even the bruises and grazes which 6 independent people including a Dr, authorities and teachers have seen are according to the psychopath ” made up and false”

    Many professionals have no idea how to diagnose a psychopath or sociopath. He lies and lies and makes out he is a gentle calm loving person. His current girlfriend is completely fooled by his charm.

    Hoping that justice prevails and this creep is put in prison where he belongs

    1. Oh survivor, what hell you are going through. I cannot even begin to understand your pain. Not only for you but also your children. I know how the pain was for me, but I had no children with the sociopath. Your comment, I so wish I had a magic wand to change things for you. I can only hope that there is justice. I can say that I do understand, I believe you that you are not the crazy one. I understand how it feels when someone lies and does a smear campaign against you.

      1. The smear campaign done thru solicitors has been horrible. He has many people believing I am crazy. I have had to go thru psychiatric evaluation thru the court. He has put in over 15 applications against me and its still going after leaving him 4 years ago.

        He has child protection believing I am crazy so they won’t even properly investigate. My child was returned with extensive unexplained bruising and they believed his ” I don’t know how it got there” because the child is lying and the mother is a liar.

        He still continues. He even has convinced the family court that the rape charges and assault against a child charges will be dropped quickly. Police will not be dropping the charges and state that he is is psychopath.

        He denies everything and says it didn’t happen. It is awful.

      2. And you are the same person who wrote that you also have PTSD too? Some comments touch my heart so much. I want to send you a hug. Do you have support? In terms of friends/ family? Aragh I so understand. Right now I have been going through a serious trigger for the last week. PTSD is not crazy, its a normal reaction to a very abnormal event. You know what I did (it sounds silly) but when I had nowhere else to go, when I could take no more, I prayed, I asked the universe to please help me!! It worked too. Sending you a huge huge hug, as I really do understand 😦 although I so wish I didn’t.

    2. I’m dealing with one psychopath/sociopath right now for straight three months. Slowly exiting from the hell. All the descriptions about them fit perfectly. Mine will take a little time to hide in his shell, think of a new trap n came back to eat me alive again n again until it became obvious n I exposed him. He was raging. From then on after being exposed, he has no guts to b involved with me anymore. Kept reading up on how to protect urself, ladies.

    3. I agree that’s so awful!!!! I’m sorry for your pain I’ve been dealing with one myself it’s pretty complicated I’m still in my divorce and I don’t want to give to much detail until my divorce is final . But if exposeing him fails then electronically cut of everything go ghost for awhile find content in your happiness and keep the faith. It’s easier said than done there’s wounds but don’t give up there’s a man out there he’s wanting to be loved just as much back as you want and wants the peace your searching for to share with you . I’m sure you know this but he’s never ever going to change he’s driven his ways into his nervous system it’s like when someone trains for something well he trained his will to hurt others unfortunately we are targets to our past loved ones reaking havoc . Cut the chord sever it let the burden go there’s future we’re there’s a breath there’s hope hold on to that . Your not alone . Your not alone !!!!! Thankyou for sharing soon I’ll be able to express more ! Expose ! But for the safety of your family walk away and have faith God will restore you with a newness of life show no contact with this individual he will sit alone in his mysery if he was bad to you I guarantee he’s not good for another and all the light will shine on his lies . But be comforted don’t focus on him. That’s wat he wants you to do to know he’s got a form of control take it away walk away . This is so bad I’m so sorry I can really relate to some of this stay strong

    1. Survivor,
      I urge you to pray, something like this will destroy you as I have seen it happen many times. His type are filled with all things evil and vile and they seek to kill the good in others.
      Pray (keep in mind that prayer is as simple as a conversation) so that the drama of being entagled in battle with soneone like him, doesn’t kill you. You have one life, do all you can to preserve it.

  10. Try the PTSD workbook. You need to get a very good psychologist who specialises in PTSD. I have support but the psychopath has more support because in his eyes he never did any of that. The one charge he pleaded guilty to he says he just pushed me. Forgot about the strangulation and throwing furniture bit though

    1. Ugh I am sorry that you have been through and are still going through this. I really hope that there will be justice for you soon. What is the PTSD workbook?

  11. Most certainly are. Been going on for 5 years. I am so broke and yet he mysteriously comes up with more and more money to lodge more court actions. I have a link on fundme for donations for legal help but it appears no one wants to help. I can’t reveal my name or my children’s as I would be breaking the law as there are criminal charges laid and a family court matter on foot.
    The book is called the PTSD workbook by Mary Beth Williams.

      1. limited but I do have support from rape services, psychologists, TRUSTED friends ( I emphasise trusted) family. A lot of people do not understand the mental anguish unless you have PTSD, they also dont understand how it feels to be told by others that despite the bruises and also the grazes and concrete independent evidence, that the psychopath says and convinces others that you are a liar and that you are making it all up.
        These people then become victims in their own way and also join in on the smear campaign. The truth always comes out but it takes a long long time when the court system is involved and as mentioned before on this blog the sociopath and psychopath love to control the victim through the legal system and the legal system supports them in doing it.

      2. Yes. I want you to know that I really do understand PTSD survivor. I am not a person who talks about triggers when I don’t really understand what it is. In fact, people who claim they have PTSD with no diagnosis, can annoy me. Simply because it dumbs down how awful it is to live with.

        How it can feel when you have those triggers. My PTSD wasn’t caused by a sociopath. My daughter died at full term pregnancy due to hospital negligence, and I then experienced a week ordeal – where I felt sexually abused by people responsible my my care over a 3 day period, then another 3 days spent with my dead child bleeding from every orifice, each night she went to the fridge and came back cold the next day. Her father left – without warning 6 days later, went on his holidays never spoke to me again. From love to nothing.

        I spent so long trying to understand why why. Then I met a distempered psychopath who used my dead daughter to manipulate and abuse me. After that came the charismatic sociopath (who mirrored me and pulled me partially out of trauma) – but emptied my bank accounts with theft and fraud, fake jobs, and the most incredible lies.

        So. I really do understand it has impacted my life massively.

      3. Thank you so much for recommending the PTSD workbook. I have just looked it up on amazon it looks perfect. Thank you. I will order it.

      4. No problem, use in in conjunction with your psychologist as it is very very confronting. I have not made it past the chapter on triggers and today I am being triggered left right and centre.
        Not a good day 😦 Keep smiling and hope things look up for you x )

  12. Sociopaths are so convincing. At first it’s hard to imagine this charming, kind, generous, funny, and “deep” person as a monster.But in one deadly blow, they can reveal their “true” selves, and leave you so disoriented, hurt, betrayed, and angry. Fortunately, my affair only lasted 9 months…long enough to do damage, but not permanently. Once the light was on, I
    could see through the disguise, and that was it. I cut it off cold turkey, and am now detoxing from this emotional vampire.

    This man was very seductive; he was such a wonderful father, but loving fathers just don’t do what he does; exploits, dehumanizes, degrades women, solicits prostitutes,gambles away his kids’ college education, all at the same time coming off as so “spiritual.” Sociopaths are wolves (or monsters) in sheep’s clothing.

    More later…

    1. You are so right about the image of being a spiritual being hiding a monster. I dated a woman for 4 months and she was a definite sociopath. She claims she is a metaphysical guru/shaman and kept telling me she was so in love with me and I told her I did not believe that. I started realizing she did not care if I was running out of money and that she just wanted her bills paid. Never mind I could not continue to take care of her and myself at once in two different households. She was so angry that she accused me of abusing her and threatening her when it was actually the other way around…she was lifting me up and dropping me again and again with words and would not let me out of my room one day holding me by my arms against the door after a disagreement which I would always leave the house to let things die down. She even tried to get me drunk and sexually do things to me. If I ever told her no she would try to harm me in some way. There are legal issues which she controls as she is depicted as a victim and I am the disabled party who could not harm a fly. She kept bringing up my personal assets in court and we were not married. We are lesbians living in Florida. I kept asking the judge what was the point of the comments…there was none.

      I have cried for the past 9 months because she depleted me emotionally, spiritually and financially. I feel I have nothing left to give in terms of love. I am terrified to trust anyone. It was such a deceptive process. 4 of her kids don’t speak to her, but she has the youngest one and i am sure she behaves just like her, very deceptive. It’s scarry to see. She was lying to a grant funded program about me and creating stories so they can feel sorry for her and help her financially (christmast list). I think a few of them were thinking something wasn’t right because she kept getting left off the list and she was pissed. I told her that I wouldn’t give her anything either because she did not seem to be a poor person in terms of her furnishings in her home.

      Anyway, even with doubt I enjoyed her affects though fake for a time and yet because of her false accusations I am affraid to ever see her again. It is creepy that she has purposely made her presence known twice and I guess after reading this sites comments it is to create fear in me to not tell what she did to me. I wish I never met her I a afraid to go out and to things. I spent the first two months after dealing with her in my house paranoid about her trying to harm me because she could not control my finances or me.

      I can say the experience has made me very nervous and caused me to loose a lot of weight (45 pds) as I had never felt such pain thinking I loved someone who never love me and who did not care about the things they accused me of. I still only eat once a day.

      I hope everyone has learned there lessons in being extra cautious

      1. Hi kico welcome to the site! 🙂 Remember sociopaths are very messed up people. yes this hurts…. of course. But they feel nothing. They desperately try to find something…. and never do. So they become angry with you. Yet again you are another person that they feel… nothing with…. you are free…. you have the ability to love and feel…. whilst she will go on…. seeking for what she will never find. because the love that she is seeking is the self love….. that she does not have…. and because of that you will always be the winner…. can you see?

      2. My sociopath told me I was “a burden,” and I rushed him into a relationship. We were platonic friends for a year, and I deliberately avoided getting involved with him because he was unstable. My ex-boyfriend is an addict (pot, sex, gambling, nicotine, junk food), and was unemployed for the 6/9 months we were involved. It is a great relief to be done with him…whew!

      3. Hi kiko Gosh I know you posted that awhile back but your sharing your feelings were genuine. But I really hope that things turned out and you’ve began to trust again. That’s so hard I know what it’s like to know the feeling that a person you love is not capable of loving back . The person they show is not who they are later . You have a heart of gold and I’m sure you overcame that ! I’m just starting to do more reading and sharing but this struck a chord and I could feel your pain . God
        Bless you

  13. Why in the heck would anyone that dates a socio “not” want to get back into a relationship with a normal person??? I cannot understand that!!! I think just being around a normal man, that says and acts, well – normal – would be like taking a drink after walking 100 days in the desert. My Gosh, it would be like recharging your batteries…just to know normalcy, intimacy – that the real world exists, that people are good, you just came across a bad one, …come on…it isn’t YOU – it’s THEM – it isn’t a reflection of who you are – it’s their problem, their issue, their baggage, their brokenness…don’t take it personally, don’t internalize it and don’t own their problem for them – it doesn’t matter what they said/did/claimed/lied about – it’s all bs. Don’t let these empty vessels have an ounce of credibility – they don’t deserve it. …and anyone that listened to their bs…well, laugh in their faces – they’ve been made out to be the ultimate pawns by the socio – here’s what you say to yourself (for those that have had “friends” bsed by a socio) —Thanks, socio – you cleaned my house out for me, took out the trash, – weeded out the weaklings …I knew it needed to be done, I was just too lazy to do it myself!!!

    1. Hi Jetta

      Whilst I appreciate what you say, one can only truly understand the reasons for not dating others after seeing a socio/psychopath. I am still healing from the damage he has done and are petrified of dating another man like it.

      In addition to this, my former psychopath has been arrested and we continue to be embroiled in the legal system. It’s also recovering from the effects that they leave behind such as eroding your self esteem, amongst other things. In my case I have PTSD and that can take a long time to recover even with proper treatment.

      One day I hope to find a decent man, I know they exist, But I am very cautious after what has happened to me. It’s not a case of just jumping into a relationship again, it’s learning to not date that type again

    2. Every one has to experience there life I did and that doesn’t mean that they won’t trust I no there’s good woman with good hearts and the lady’s are just expressing there pain it’s a support group! You could be a little more sensitive to the situation. People are people everyone’s different. There’s no room for pushing the healing process at your pace dude lay off


    1. You have a lot of anger. This started off as a personal blog (my sociopaths were male) so I was writing of my experiences. If you look (before shooting your mouth off) you will see that all posts from after the first 2-3 (started in Feb 13) – are written in gender neutral terms.

    2. Hi Dyke I am new to the site going through the stages of recovery from being with a sociopath I am a women and do agree with you that women can be sociopathic just as much as men can. I heard a story from a friend who dated a man who went out with a sociopath women who threatoned him so many times to take his life then hers and he had the hardest time getting rid of her that he became paranoid to leave more than a few blocks from his house for almost a year. Its really scary and creepy for either a man or a women to experience this and I feel bad for either sex who has encountered being with sociopath having the experience myself it is almost truely unbelievable what happens before you know it you are in nightmare deperately tyring to get out. They rape and try to steal your very soul I am strong so I will be ok and I have very supportive family I feel bad for people who do not get the same support beacsue they maek it very hard to escape their reality of hell.

    3. There both doing the same wether one more than the other there still both involved there just might be more women in here . I don’t think it’s anything do do with haters or hating on men at all !!! Let’s not get it twisted I was abused by a woman I’m a man . I took no offense to any of there sorrows . It’s not battle of the sexes ! You’ll see more men will be willing to open up more in the future. Some men feel a loss of self worth when I feel enlightened from this were I choose to grow not hold it in and hide it . It’s just there’s more women in the room that’s all

  15. I am just starting the divorce process and thru counseling learned all of my fear and self esteem issues, yo yo weight over the years are related to my sociopathic husband. We just had our 18 yr anniversary. Last year I went thru drug rehab by his side and this year I found the drugs again and also the phone bill with hookers all over it. He will not admit to anything and acts like I am the crazy one telling friends and his family that I am the liar. The list is too long to explain all the ways things I have helped to support his business and this family over the last 18 years. I stopped working 6 years ago to be a stay at home mom and we now live in a city that is away from my family and hard for me to find work. So I am isolated and have a large gap in employment to contend with. Addiction runs in his family, he just seemed to hide to so much better. I too have lost a lot of weight 54 pounds. Have trouble sleeping and eating. I’m going to counseling but have a deep fear our children will have to live with him eventually. I will not be there to protect them and he will be doing the drugs again and god only knows about the hookers. I feel like I don’t even know who he was. I’m screaming on the inside. How could I not know!!! I’m an educated person. The legal system is stacked against me. It makes you feel hopeless. All of the stories on here have helped me as well. They are very similar to mine.

    1. Never give up. My psychopath is just realising his lies eventually catch up with him. Don’t stress about the gap in employment, provided you aren’t on drugs is a good thing. Try to get out and run with the kids.
      Hang in there cause once he understands the legal system he will use it against you. Get and use every bit of evidence you can.
      Best of luck xx

      1. I would agree about not stressing about a gap in employment to raise your children (very honorable reason to be out of workforce, and most people know it’s anything but easy). To shore up your resume though, I would recommend you Google search free online webinars in your field of interest and add a handful of the most useful, current webinar topics to an “Additional Studies” section of your employment history. Research online job descriptions in your target job category to figure out what skills are most desirable, then study those via the free webinars. There’s more than one way to be up-to-speed to be ready to work again. Also, if you have done any volunteer work, blogs in your field, etc. add a section for it in the employment section.

  16. Hello!
    I am 18 and for my whole life I have been in a custody battle, and my father and most of the adults on his side of the family are sociopaths both men and women. I agree with most of your post, but I feel there is something to mention that a lot of victims either don’t really talk about or miss. Sociopaths aren’t evil. Well, I guess it depends on what your definition of evil is. Sociopaths are completely human, but they are empty vessels. They are not some superior or Satan incarnate force. If you ever read Dante’s Divine Comedy or the movie 7even, it makes more sense. Sociopaths because they are empty don’t feel emotion, so they try to fill that void through sex, alcohol, money, or people.

    I revealed my father and my family’s condition. Well the first thing my father did was lock me up in my room and refuse to feed me, and he would come in every 30 minutes to yell at me, manipulate me, or even physically hurt me. He would try a variety of things from love to hate to comfort to anger. One minute he would say I was pure evil, and then he would cry and say he loved me and that he didn’t understand why I was doing this to him. The weird thing was though was his eyes. Although his facial features showed emotion his eyes were dead. One time I was walking around the house because he was making my little sister sleep with him, and I always had this sick feeling that he was sexually abusing us. Later I started to remember that he did, but I was trying to listen for any noises and get food. He caught me. He had his door open with the light on in his bedroom and only his underwear on. He gave me this deadly but at the same time void/dead glare. His eyes said I know what you think I am doing,and basically looked like he was going to kill me. Then he slowly closed the door.

    He wasn’t the only one who was manipulative. Most of the adults did the same thing. I mean it was my grandmother’s idea not to feed me. Some even did this publicly at my school. He even had the school spy on me. They would notify him if my mom brought me food. Of course, he was even worse. I would remain stoic and silent with no emotion, not even tears. After a year, he finally let me go because it was his last ditch effort at trying to manipulate me. I mean he still tries to through text or my mom or my sister. A lot of the family members still try to.

    My main point though was not to vent, but to say that sociopaths true desire is to feel emotion ironically. I know it doesn’t seem like it, but it is what I found to be true. And really it is sad, and sometimes I feel sorry for him. Now don’t mistake this for excusing for his behavior or that I have any hope that he will change. Sociopaths don’t change. Just know that they are human and know that you shouldn’t fear or stay angry or plot revenge against them because they have nothing. They are desperate humans who probably been through excuse my language shit and they have nothing to lose. You have everything to lose. I also disagree though that we shouldn’t reveal them because we should. My sister is still suffering from him and that side of the family. There were times that I thought I was going to die, and I don’t want my eleven year old sister to ever feel that way.

    Many children are suffering from no one protecting them. The courts use these situations to gain more money, and they have the same idea. “Let’s not get he/she angry! Give he/she what he/she wants.” Bullshit! Victims should stop being victims and actually protect others from Sociopaths. Victims should have protected me, and they should have definitely protected my sister. I have told so many people my story and no one ever wants to talk or listen about it. God we should be fighting for our God forsaken rights to be happy and as humans who are capable of empathy we should protect others from these traumas.

  17. I lived with a Sociopath that monitored me from day 1, accessed email accounts, fb and stalked me. He told me he could read minds. I’m positive friends are now helping with a smear campaign. They’re not friends so they’re going to be cut. I have friends (trusted) that aren’t interested in the smears or him and the ones helping him. Decent real friends will always support. I’m apparently crazy and have psychological problems. I’m an empath and feel people see me as a vulnerable target. The opportunists out there preying on good, decent, caring, empathetic people. I’m not stupid though and smear away but it will come back to bite him one day soon as he’ll never get a reaction from me.

    1. Hi Charlie, welcome to the site.

      It is difficult being an empath as you feel for people no matter who they are, or what they do. It is just the way that we are. It is rare that I have met someone that I couldn’t understand or see behind their behaviour. I really feel for you, as the smear campaigns are the worst, and defending yourself against lies, is an awful feeling. Like being stabbed in the heart and the back at the same time.

  18. Disgruntled and in Despair when you Escape.

    No they can Do no real harm. Only a fool follows the Sociopaths lies. Only a fool would put Faith in a person who spreads negativity about others like it’s there job. You are in control and there need not be emotional pain.

    Many of them do get arrested.

  19. These people (sociopaths) are getting blown out of proportion.

    They are weak cowards. Yes they fear what others think about them and they fear loosing control. All they can try to do is spread rumors. Only fools follow and often at least one starts catching on and will become an informant.

    You on the other hand, if tactical, will have evidence to support what you expose about the sociopath and evidence to support that they lied.

    With that being said; you may have the ability and newsworthiness to Publicly expose and pursue charges.

  20. A poem about my sociopath/psychopath Hi i am Michelle #+*# .I fantasize I’m a powerful witch.
    But really deep within I’m just a chicken shit sick little bitch and only practiced at the art of deception to avoid detection .
    But that’s only a minor glitch as you will see !
    I am the self-made consummate victim and you the villain.
    I loath myself so all must pay ! I feel so empty but yet full of hate
    I am just an empty shell but will tell you I’m great.
    I lie I cheat and steal with the greatest of ease like a slimy eel.
    if you’re my mate you will ask far too much
    of my arrested child like state .
    you must be a fool
    if you think you are of any use to me other than a tool .
    ill pry and manipulate my way into your heart
    and suck your soul dry for i have not one myself
    and ill blame you for all my evil ways it will always be you !
    never me . If I say “I love you ” translation “you have something I need or want nothing more ” If you ever see behind my mask of sanity
    then watch out you should not have done that !
    and how dare you try and call me on my bullshit
    I will act so in dignified like a rat at the drop of a hat
    and go into the wildest rage , even tho I just turned some trixxxs to get my fix . Once i even got paid 40 bucks to pee on some guy
    while i left my infant in his crib a couple floors down
    no big deal we lived in the good part of town
    new Westminster ,
    oh there is so much more but you don’t want hear it
    trust me I’m a pig and up for any gig I’ve even pulled a train
    if there was something small to gain
    and it would fill my rig ! Ain’t that classy , yep that’s me
    just ask around the seedier parts of town
    I am legend I have no bounds !!!
    I will try and destroy you and stab in the back
    then paint you black
    never to your face ,
    well sometimes i will in a psychotic rage while professing I’ve turned a new page !
    No one is safe not even my son . I’m such a disgrace !
    I will threaten to run him and i into a pole
    so we could always be together and get my way ,
    as opposed to see him happy
    and doing well away from my evil toxic spell
    (what is that not a good Christmas tidings ?
    It shows my devout love wouldn’t you do that to show it ? ) what a beautiful reunion after 4 years away I don’t know why he does not come more often And want to stay . I even tried to falsely accuse his father of molesting him , that did not work cause he ran away from me , beat down and tired of my shit to live with him right into the hands of a monster but really it was all me but that ill try and cover by saying he is gay , I always have an answer for Everything I believe it so should you !!! Once In a church stairwell I shit in a plastic bag and showed it to my Forman , “look what you made me do ! And was fired from Ansan Oh well their loss they where just assholes like all the rest that fired me in disgusts and mistrust , did they not know I require and should have my own porta potty on site , it’s my favourite place to hide from prying eyes to puff and snort and get into full distort . Ta da out comes super woman the pride of all my employers
    Im so sick you can’t even imagine ,
    You measly mortals !
    Projection and deflection is all part of my game
    while I’m dolling out fear blame and shame .
    I pretend to be human through mimicry and trickery
    I fake i have true emotion
    but that always turns into a full blown commotion . I will pretend to be your dearest trustworthy friend , sell you drugs then turn you in , I always get a kick out of that little trick ,and I win cause it takes the heat off of me Hehe I’m a rat a snitch the ultimate two faced bitch !
    I can turn on a tear although not sincere
    and make you go “Awwhh dear ”
    and as quick as it will appear I will be at the helm ready to steer.
    And if I feel you’re not quite convinced
    I can even make my bottom lip quiver
    and that should surely send a shiver
    down your spine and to your core
    but i have no worries I’ve done this many a time before
    and ill laugh cause you’ve just been had !
    and ill even throw in a sniffle at just the right moment
    that took some effort and a while to learn ,
    cause i sniffle a lot and its not from snot
    its for another reason that i get from pleasin
    and it gives me a bit of a burn but that’s not of consequence
    cause it gets me so hot and ready to trot and on my game !
    Thank you ,thank you I would like to thank the academy ,
    Me Myself and I
    For this oscar for best drama queen of this century
    I have no real talent but that I can disguise
    because I know how to use guys ,
    a con you may say that’s right you are all just my prey .
    Really try not to take it personally
    its all just part of my pathology
    I have done this to all before you and will to all after you
    till my last breath .
    I pretend to be sorry and sincere but really it all has to be all about me .
    If I say I give you my love you better hope you wore a glove !
    Ill tell you I’m Heathy even tho Im not
    but who cares its your problem now !
    I deceived you its your fault you stupidly believed me .
    I think I’m so smart but Really I’m just a bitter stupid tart ,
    a narcissistic sociopath abomination you could say !
    but its your fault I warned you all with my shitty ways and power plays ,
    but i convinced you you needed to play .
    I’m a hopeless case can’t you SEE !
    but please waste your time on me .
    I am a cold blooded reptile a chameleon of sorts
    with worse poisons and venom than a deadly snake
    and when I bite my victims they will go into shock
    and never have suspected it,
    cause I was sucking their cock

    the ultimate predator I am ! As miss Jekyll & Hyde
    I rage like rabbid animal that should be locked in cage
    Maximum security for all of eternity
    Its the only thing really safe for the rest of humanity .
    I want to die but i don’t have the guts
    so instead I kick everyone down and in the nuts !
    I know I am hated for the evil I’ve done
    I feel their ghosts expecting a reckoning and waiting
    in the dark patiently and it will come for sure
    cause for me there is no cure .
    ‘ so I cry wolf when none are around
    to stupid to understand I look like the clown !
    I know its really sick but it usually does the trick
    Blame blame blame
    I’m just the poor psychopath who else can I blame
    and try and shame !
    I love causing people pain it’s always to my gain
    and gives me the power to feel sane .
    To keep me off your back cut me some slack
    to consume some crack ,
    meth or whatever and ease my hidden pain
    remember I have other pawns to please to keep them on their knees
    it’s all about keepin control as I’m puffin from my bowl
    knowin just the right amount of my minimal self to dole out
    to keep them in control and attract is a fine balancing act
    all tried true cause it will work on you too
    Hehe . You really should at all cost refrain from trying
    To peek inside my brain that will only be the binging of your pain
    and launch another covert attack behind your back
    that i have been doing all along,
    basically since We first met , But i mix it with some glee ,
    so it makes it hard to see !
    Do you believe in monsters ? I’m here to tell you yes they are real
    And you better believe I am the real deal
    and if you doubt it you will see and be my next meal.
    So please buy my crap so I can spring my trap
    And if you treat me like gold i will know you are primed for my scold
    I can spin a web lies and deceit thicker and quicker than cotton candy at a fair
    to keep you off your feet ,And feeling total despair
    For I am a queen with a scheme a virus a prioress a purveyor of all that’s unhealthy darkness and doom so lets go spoon
    that will make it all seem alright for its your nite to Be with me
    Ill throw you a small bone slink off of my throne
    and into my true position of power so I can easily and totally devour
    your soul hehe . you can never win so just except the spin .
    I will tell you I’m your baby doll
    while in the same breath setting you up for a fall .
    I am vulgar crude rude and vile
    what else would you expect from satans child . It’s
    not that I’m real good looking I’m not !
    or have great cooking its a smoke and mirrors illusion
    that I believe you will need to feed
    so with a sleazy smile a twitch of my lips a wiggle of my hips
    that sometimes will beguile
    at least for a little while
    and a promise of pleasure look is usually all it took
    to sink my talons and hook.
    I am a seething fire breathing modern day Jezebel
    straight out of hell .
    I will not appreciate you any more if you do any nice
    or just try to suffice or help me out of a jam
    cause watch out BAM , I will devalue ,
    discard your efforts behind your back
    and even right to your face you’ll reel from that attack ,
    for how can I play the victim if i showed some grace ,
    but ill keep it all just the same cause you are to blame .
    I have never taken any responsibility for anything
    for that would add legitimacy to all of this .
    Have you ever seen a three dollar bill ?
    Yes a phoney that’s me but ill trade you one for a chonie .
    Ill never let you relax as you will always feel me trying to cover my tracks
    its really quite plain it’s all part of the game
    to make us the same insane
    and if you try and escape my metal rape
    then will begin my campaign of smear .
    I’ve loaded the deck and cast my toxic spell
    you’ll be lucky if you can murmur “What the hell ” watch out for my pit
    I am A fem fatale or of that kind of sort as history calls it ,
    Its really just for sport a game to cause pain .
    I will threaten you with legions that i do not have !
    really I’m an army of none it’s all just fluff and a bluff
    I have no friends cause I’ve fucked them all over
    and who needs them any way they just piss me off and are a nuisance
    with their whining and wants .
    And if i sense you are getting wise and have allies that will listen
    and advise rest assured I will stir up some shit and sever those ties
    in a web with plenty of lies
    I will have got to them long before you with your S.O.S call in distress
    Dint you know a apex predator always separates its prey from the rest
    of the flock ? And I am the master and I’m in it to win it !
    and you’ve never dealt with anything quite as special ,
    cold and bold and as evil as me
    it will be so astonishingly hard to believe and fathom
    the depths of my trickery you’ll see hehe.
    If i have my way and don’t get caught
    ill make it so you are never heard from again washed away
    like a turd in a swamp
    I’ve done that before But shush that’s another real big secret
    but like a cat I always land on my feet for 20 + years
    I’ve gotten away with that hehe .
    I do have fears cause over the years
    my looks have defiantly diminished
    can I still hunt with only a cunt ?
    thats all i can offer , only druggies ,boozers and losers might bite
    not much to profit ,
    much like Charlotte I sit in my web a bed ,
    And will just fade away while playing the perfect harlot.
    I pray but to who I’ve play both sides so who will listen
    now I’ve sold my soul
    And now I’m nothing but a pathetic ugly little troll .
    I hope its all not finished . Ive wasted my life but have pasted that price
    on all of you. Well enough about me thats part of the list
    you get the jyst and some of you have already figured it out
    it pegs me to a tee ,
    a parasite a tick a flea a vamp a tramp on a uncontrolled feeding spree
    of the backs of society much like a scabie a cancer a blight
    you cant really fight or see
    and if your smart you’ll be on the next flight away from me
    and my plight of toxicity and free. ! thank heavens I’m somewhat of a rare anomaly. And when you emerge from the fog ill have you so exhausted and cut down like a log , shell shocked from all the toxicity .
    And ill say ha ha honey wasn’t that funny
    it made me laugh to see and inflict you with pain do you want to play again ?
    Its all part of a riddle a dilution designed to cause confusion
    that will have you stuck in the middle somewhere
    between tomorrow and yesterday
    thats why i do it and i know you will still want to screw it ,
    all the while thinking I’m capable of change if you just give more ,
    chasing that elusive pie in the sky that does exist within me
    but occasionally ill show you a glimpse at the right Time all nice with a shine
    You poor thing you must so tired an weary
    for a second ill pretend to care and from this point on
    it will get quite scary opportunistic and terroristic ,
    I have you hooked hehe . so tell me a only a little about you ,
    cause i don’t really care its only about warfare ,
    its all i will need so i can plant my seed.
    I have the ability to read people like a book and present my self
    as your fairytale for a while
    but that with soon become your worst fucking nightmare of epic proportion !
    My greatest fear and need
    is to hide and not be discovered
    for then how would i feed if they ever recovered .
    But i like attention its part of my plea
    but that draws attention kinda a paradox you see
    What can I do but sit in fear when the end draws near
    this is my big secret not yours Everything is mine
    and i want to take to my grave
    and if you have put it all together
    and have gotten away
    I will even have the audacity to say
    good luck finding someone that can love
    And treat you as good and as much me !
    good lord you could only fucking hope not
    even tho we are somewhat rare.
    please don’t tell anyone cause I need to feed !
    and i already know I’m in for some real hot and Nasty weather
    I’m so sad and empty , God , lucifer is there anybody out there for me.
    NO But I will see rest assured it will not be full of glee , for I have not one
    Redeeming quality with in me . Now that I’ve told you who I really am this should be my Eulogy hehe

    The End

  21. I have always heard sociopaths do not experience fear. I know for a fact that is BS. Most are cowards. The only people they will take on in a physical confrontation are the ones they perceive as weaker or when they have access to a weapon such as a gun or knife. That is a coward where I come from.

    1. I don’t know Jim…… would that not go along with who they are, they would avoid confrontation, so not to get caught? Most live behind a mask and they can fake fear.

  22. Just seen the latest ‘photo of him on Facebook and have to say he looks dead already, just hasn’t stopped breathing yet. But I live in hope.///////

      1. I agree. I have two Uncles and one of them is a narcissist and the other is a sociopath. Both of them are intelligent, but the narcissist feelings can easily get hurt and the sociopathic Uncle doesn’t have feelings and doesn’t give a crap about anything. The Sociopathic Uncle is more shrewd and can outthink the narcissistic Uncle anyday…The Sociopathic Uncle is basically Satan the Devil himself and can easily influence and manipulate the narcissistic Uncle which is his Brother.

  23. After a 8 year marriage, I was destroyed during the divorce, I’m ruined financially and socially. The smear campaign enlisted my own family to turn against me. The entire community here is convinced that I abused her, which is far from true. There are public court records that show her manipulative behavior that no one will look at.

    Her first ex-husband had to pay for a kid that visually isn’t his for 18 years, 16 after their divorce. She has slandered him as well and tells a story that is far from true. She did that to humiliate and degrade him. She was attempting to get pregnant when I was ready to leave her as well.

    The family of hers are all disordered. They all work together to punish anyone who knows what they are. I have seen her kid do the same thing to people she has worked with. They are very good liars, very controlling and domineering and completely full of shit.

    I have paid the cost, yet they do not stop. I know why. I know the methods that these women use to control their husbands. It is reprogramming/brainwashing whatever you want to call it. They use conditioning methods involving sex to break a man down. Shrink4men has a excellent article detailing this process.

    As a man, I am not believed to be the victim. She cries fake tears, puts on the pity play and everyone believes her. I am the real victim. I have been in trauma therapy for two years now, after one year of CBT which got me out of the marriage. I have done nothing but try to improve my life, improve myself, work on my areas of issue. People have seen me change, yet don’t believe their own eyes when they hear her story.

    This has gone on for close to two years, I am socially destroyed and people keep on piling more accusations. The worst is those who do her dirty work. Sitting for dinner and having people give me dirty looks at a restaurant, people I’ve never seen before or met.

    The smear campaign is no joke. It will never end. I have faith in God, that’s the only thing keeping me alive at this time. I’m so broken.

    1. Hi I know that you think that it will never end. It will one day. Pray for her to move onto someone else. Maybe move out of the city. I know it can really mess your head up (read my posts about ruining and smear campaigns) being falsely accused. I thought it would never end, and it would never stop. It did stop once I no longer had what he wanted from me (money).

  24. Thanks for this article, I need a bit of advice in a special situation. I’ve been dating a sociopathe girl (19 I’m 22) for 4 months. It was intense, and it went too fast, but I started realizing too soon about some hints, I just covered it up to myself because I’ve always had that small ray of hope popping out time after time. Because I’ve seen her in very weak situations where she didn’t knew how to manage me, and I know that she knows that I’m naturally kind. But there still is that touch of evil always wanting control over me, that’s why I broke up the second time too. After the first break up she tried so hard to take her revenge, but she ended up with me leaving her and blocking her in all kinds of social media.

    But the only thing I still have from her is her tumblr. It’s been a month since the breakup, and I’m living a hard temptation oscillating between “forget her for ever” or try to tell her what you really think about it, so I’ve been checking her tumblr sometimes seeing her share quotes like “i Miss you” etc… “Could tou tell me why tou left me”, because I left without telling any hint just a simple ” I’m not good with you” and she ended up injuring me with bad words (no response from me since). I didn’t left her with no reason, I’m conscient of her disease (because it is one), but I feel empathy and pity for her, I know she’s got -what I call- “bright période” where she seems to sincerly fight her dark emotions (rare periods though). So I feel like she owes me explanations about my feelings, I really want to tell her that she’s got a real problem and I could help her out (I’m not playing heroes, it’s just that I know her so much that I can show her the light if she follows every single thing I say), I want to tell her what I feel about her “madness” and how much I suffered because of it. And sometimes I find myself just thinking about me sending a long message that I’ve prepared along a month, and her telling me some other bullshit in the “I don’t need your help”-style.

    I’m doing Well with myself, the only remaining bug is : I just got some guilt laying in my surface about leaving with no explanation, and some untold truth. And sometimes I feel she could be a great person if she works on herself (despite the fact that I konw that it’s almost impossible to change that kind of people, given that this mind standard is in their source code since childhood).

    I hope I’ve been clear enough, thanks to the site and its kind community.

  25. Tyler “it would be calculatedly the best option” next comment “it would cross a boundary to use people for anything other than their company” Which ? I’m so glad I can spot you vermin now

  26. and what would a SP do if his mask falls? if relatives and friends of the victim start to find out who he/she is?
    would he/she be extremely angry against everyone?
    would he/she lie even more to reassure he/she is the right one?
    would he/she finally appologize?
    would he/she disappear?

    1. If the mask falls, likely you would see the narcissistic rage. About the only time they allow the mask to fall, when they lose control. Often this is when they feel that they are losing control of you. Then you see the ranting, shouting, the colour drains from the face. Eyes are dark black. At this point they are out of control (search narcissistic rage on this site).

      When the mask has slipped and the narc rage occurs this is the ONLY time that you see the truth. They are too angry to cover it. No wouldn’t be lying, as that is a mask. Not apologising they are angry. Yes, could disappear, but usually narcissistic rage.

  27. Or do a magical disappearing act like they do. Get them thinking everything is great and you are fully on-board with their lies and scams then pull the rug out and BLOCK THEM FOR NO REASON and keep it that way. LOL.

  28. My first ever post, on any blog, bear with me…..
    Okay, I have recently left a 14 year relationship/marriage with a physcopath, reading through many, well mostly all, the posts I have had a feeling of concern, and worry. It feels that sociopathy is not being described, it worries me that it has become too quick to label someone with such personality disorders, I am puzzled by people having very brief relationships, couple of months and feeling confident that this person had a specific personality disorder, there are lots of dysfunctional relationships, extrememly unhealthy, but this is a very different issue. It was years before i began to notice that i was possibly dealing with more, than the idiot or asshole that we have all met, I also had two long term unhealthy, violent and horrible partners, but they were not a physcopath, like my husband, it is very very different, and in my experience, took a very long time for me to realise, Just to say, Im not stupid or naive, I have had a colourful life and have as a result, streetwise in my bones, the last half of my life has been complete opposite, raising a family and having a great career, and as a proffessional working with homeless, addiction and mental health, am pretty clued up regards being able to be quite self supportive and good self awareness etc, it was honestly one of the craziest things because it can be so amazing for so long, we were best friends, so in love, and the small nutty things he occasionaly did, i saw, but really not red flags as to what could be under the surface, i mean, you are just not thinking about stuff like that, who does, its way off the spectrum of thoughts in a new exciting relationship and youre madly deeply in love, he faked for years, the faking giving affection, kept it up for years, the long chats, would do them, resentfully, fake being upset, they know very well how to imitate appropriate behaviours, my end story after many years of emotional agony is i finally fled six months ago, five months ago i found a marriage certificate in his name on the internet, he denys any knowledge, at this point, i would never have an expectation that he may admit, as i have the certifiecate in my hand, says he has reported it to the police as someone must of stolen his ID, so my marrigage is not legal, and bigamous, am left with no family, either side, one side walked because i took him back after a two year affair, and the other side because he has convicnced them im on drugs, im crazy and have mental health,, poor him, you get the picture, I have ptsd, no money, kept him for ten years, have very bad days still and really struggle with so many things, very very damaged, and feel it is important to really try to keep the blog to the correct content, because i really wanted to find identification and its frustrating when youre feeling so desperate and need to read something to help, and then find quite different, trying to be polite and respectful here, without meaning to offend anyone at all, people basically moaning about shitty relationships, and being mean by calling them physco,s.

    1. While I appreciate your point of view. While I may have written with humour. I was severely traumatised when I began writing this website. By the end I was so psychologically damaged that I couldn’t speak or even string a sentence together. What is it exactly that you don’t agree with? As diagnosed psychopaths comment on this site. Have agreed with with I have written. I also have PTSD. Have been diagnosed severe chronic. I have lost everything. He faked everything to manipulate and control me. Even today 4 years later my life is ruined. I have found it almost impossible to rebuild the damages done to my life. Financially career socially every single area of my life. I even had to move home. Mine could fake victim so well to lies that tears would roll down his face. When he was faking something his accent would change. He was a pathological liar. Everything was a lie. What part do you not relate to? He finally left me alone after he threatened to kill me. So I tried to take my life and services got involved. Police would be at my house for perhaps 3 times a week. The threats the ruining the smear campaigns the Jekyl and Hyde personality it has left me struggling to trust anyone.

    2. So. If you have been with a diagnosed psychopath. Can you tell me what content is wrong on this site? How do you think it is ‘inferior’ to your experiences? Why is it diagnosed psychopaths who have used this site do not say the same (apart from the I love you post) which they dispute. But .. I would be interested to understand your point of view.

    3. The query U have doesn’t make sense to me…U question whether JUST an asshole or whether a true psychopath…in order to LEAVE the relationship…it REALLY doesn’t matter. A VERY MALE Asperger’s Friend once stated to me..(& they DO have feelings & exper guilt like anyone – yet find emotions hard to read from others due to their disorder)…Is he being an ARSEHOLE? Then LEAVE!
      STOP the benefits-of-the-doubt…trying to explain WEIRD, even CRAZY behaviour….even Dr Phil (from Oprah) has said STOP the benefits-of-the-doubt in bad unhealthy relationships. STOP self-sacrifice unless U are into masochism…& ACCEPT there ARE people that are DANGEROUS to your mental well-being…personality disorder or NOT.
      A TRUE FULL-BLOWN PSYCHOPATH…will have a lovely dinner with U, laugh with U…yet crush ur skull that SAME night as U sleep with NO CARE…then go do the SAME the next week for the thrill…that’s the serial killers. SOCIOPATHS are on the SAME spectrum (just a little less so & cleverly evasive of jail)…easily BORED & love chaos or drama to stir SOME emotion as they just don’t have the ability to FEEL & are ENVIOUS others can experience happiness or gratitude for the simplest things..that’s what pisses them right off. Just as autism has a spectrum from brillance of memory to being completely incompacitated to connect with others – there is STILL NO science to prove EXACTLY what is going on in the brain…except there are possibly missing neurones in certain areas (esp associated with empathy showing on MRIs) or TOO MANY in areas causing chaos…so the brain does not function normally compared to most.
      Point being…we KNOW as ex-partners of SOCIOPATHS…the exact SAME behaviours…SO similar…we could almost DECLARE we were in the exact SAME relationship….that’s a recognised personality disorder…so LEAVE!
      Even blogs of ppl with SOCIOPATHY trying to RESTRAIN their impulsivity…say LEAVE & DON’T trust them….coz many are very high IQ & tricksters (so good con-artists)…yet NO emotional IQ. NOT ALL their fault BUT sadly can’t be fixed if you are hoping for more. And as Sam Vaknin classes it…MALIGNANT HOPE.

  29. Hi, Have been ill, alongside some fresh stalking, so sorry, havent gotten around to reply, Firstly, I was very very upset and worried when i found your blog and wrote it out, and i can see from your replies that feel a little hostile, that you are upset, reading back through, I can see that im not really clear, what i was referring to was the responses, not the post, the post was very helpful, when i am softening, or need to be reminded, i google to remind me and to re focus, so yes, what i found disapointing i suppose, is like many other sites, I find bitter and resentful people who have been hurt, making a huge statement, or a diagnosis of their partner, sometimes after a couple of months, and personally, it feels like a generation of ‘too quick to label an asshole’ with serious conditions, when A, you just cannot be sure after a short time, even a year or so i would say is not long enough to be really sure, so many people are dysfunctional, have issues but not of this type, or just plain horrible, and i find it frustrating as i am completely isolated with no proffessional help or social circle, so when im looking it is a serious need for help, and when i find posts where it just seems like people lashing out, it makes me feel that if you are in fact dealing with the ‘real deal’ there is a danger that if everyone bands around the narcissist, or sociapath word, that we will not be taken seriously. I have really found, both online and in the real world, that so many women claim the ex was a narcissist, its just ridiculous, my journey has been long and weary, seven years in, a relate counseller told me what he was, and i was sent away to study and educate myself as to what i was dealing with and how to manage a very dangerous situation, it takes time and effort to truly arrive at that place where you absolutely know, as you have said, they are so clever and can take many years before the mask slips, so yes, I wasnt referring to you, and was just feeling annoyed and that was the night that i thought i would voice my feelings, not sure why but there you go, mentally i am not at all well and every day is different, but because of what i have said, i tend to not speak to anyone in social circles because its another word these days, heard all the time, by scorned women, and i feel that i just sound like another bitter person, which is not the case. Hope i have explained, maybe you identify with what i have said? Many thanks….

    1. You don’t need to explain anything to me. I hope that this is a safe place, where you can express your feelings. This website is slightly different to others, in that I (or as far as I know from when I was writing) it was written while I was in the relationship. I loved him a lot. but couldn’t change him. I understand what you are saying, about feeling bitter, I think that is a normal part of the healing process. I know how hard it can be to open up and talk to people, when we were shut down for so long, minimised, and even isolated too. I can recommend professional therapy if you can afford it. It can really allow you a sounding voice, in a safe place. Without any judgement at all. I can assure you, that I wouldn’t judge you. Please dont judge yourself 🙂

  30. Best learning material about the corrupted politicians is to know mental illnesses well. All about different kind of narcissists, covert, overt, malignant.. psychopaths.. and what not.
    Their behaviour patterns in relationships, triangulation, projecting, mirroring, gaslighting, crazy making, flying monkeys.

    We can see it all happening in big stages. Main stream media tells narcopaths facade story, while only minority suspects what is going on behind the masks.
    That all is SO gonna change soon. ❤

    This kind materials about PD’s also tell us how to get rid of them. We have tools like gray rock and no contact.

    And what is most important, at least for me I think, now that I know about them and have went through relationship that almost destroyed me.. I don’t fall again to same traps.

  31. Positiveagirl, thank you so much for one of your comments above, where you state they are looking, frantically for “something,” but never finding it. As they have NO self love. Simplest and deepest way I’ve ever heard it put. I’ve been ‘infested’ with these THINGS for most of my life…but my God, I’m going to move on. They are simply not ‘quite’ alive. xxx

  32. 1. I’ve had control of some since the moment I’ve met them til now still, even after cutting ties with them. They SAY I have no control over them anymore, but actions speak volumes and still to this day show the exact opposite of their proclamation of being free.

    2. Exposure is not a fear of mine. I’ve been “exposed” and it’s never believed. My whole life’s front of being a good whole-hearted person makes people deny anything bad said about me right away. This has never been an issue for me. In fact, it 90% of the time backfires on the person doing the accusations and makes them look like the “bad guy” they’re trying to make me out to be.

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