You can NEVER trust a Sociopath! Not ever!

I know, this probably seems like a very obvious post. Sociopaths are the least trustworthy people in society. They would screw over their grandmother if they thought their was something in it for them (and then blame the good guy) getting some sick pleasure out of it.

Truth does not exist for sociopaths

Trust does not exist for sociopaths

Knowing this, the sociopath will do all that they can to gain your trust. To groom you (a bit like a paedophile grooms its victims). They will be all that they can be, as helpful as they can be, and will seem like your best friend, and the answer to all of your prayers. They listen intently to everything that you say. Watch your body language carefully, and all of your interactions.

Everything is going along very very smoothly. At least it is, when the sociopath wants something from you, and you are being source for supply. However, when source for supply is coming to an end, they will suddenly change persona. Will deliberately engineer situations to cause stress. It is quite ridiculous really.

My last sociopath had been out of my life for quite a while. I had been focusing on my own life. Working hard. Not really thought about him too much, I had been too busy. A couple of weekends ago, we had contact, and decided to go to a festival. (I know, I know)…. of course, that weekend he actually spent some money woo… which lasted a day, and therefore meant that I felt responsible for him financially until he was paid. (how do they do that?)

To show just how much he had ‘changed’ he went on and on about how he was fine going out with me, and wasn’t his usually obsessive, possessive self (previously, I couldn’t use the loo or go to the bar, without him being attached to my side). This time, he was cool. And we had fun(well sociopaths can be good fun – at least until the negative crazy side shows).

During the next week or so, he lived a great life. Ate good food (all at my expense as he had no money), and couldn’t be more helpful. The day before his payday he deliberately engineered an argument, to cause stress and tension.

Then the mask slipped…. I was suddenly back in a nightmare. I had stupidly left my computer downstairs whilst I took a shower. He was around…. so, of course he had gone into my things.

I don’t know why I had been so absolutely deluded, that during our time apart, that he would change.  I hadn’t known that he had done this. The irony, was that morning I wrote the post about sociopaths and their use of social networking. I was writing in past tense about hacking computers, phones etc etc…. not knowing that this was exactly what he had been doing. He went home and I went into town, and of course he read my post.

After this, a different man was in front of me. The smiling charming man had vanished. In his place was a psychotic crazy loon. His facial features had changed. The colour had changed in his face, his face was tight with tension. Of course, he knows, what I know, as he has read my blog. And me being me, I say what I think. So I told him that he looked like a pscyho loon, and that he was almost scaring me. His eyes were on stalks. I knew that look, and I knew that despite all of my knowledge, when he was like that, pretty much anything could happen. This was again time for the narcissistic rage.

It has been really hot here in the Uk over the last week. So the french doors were open into the garden. He knew this, and started yelling at the top of his voice so that the neighbours could hear. Next came the raging. it was clear that he had been into my computer and reading my personal information. As he was ranting things that he could never have known, unless he had hacked my personal information (but that doesn’t matter in sociopath world). He was on a mission.

Do you know how I felt during this time?

Image

Each of those pegs reflected a part of me. A part of my life. A part of my world. And bit by bit, he was hammering me into the ground. I started to feel drained, weak, exhausted. He went home that night. I went to bed. Next morning he was back, I hadn’t got up early, but clearly he had, as he was outside the house, shouting, yelling and throwing stones through the window. He was back for round 8. I didn’t have the energy to fight.

There, was another person in front of me. The mask was now gone. Truthfully, he had had to tolerate being around me for a week or so, just to eat. I could see he was bored. I was busy…. but he had to tolerate it, just to get what he wanted …. free things.

Now, to get out of the situation. He was threatening me. Shouting and yelling, hammering me into place. So I had no strength left to fight back. There were constant accusations of things that I hadn’t done. Someone wrote on my Page for this blog on Facebook that not all guys are bad, so he wrote back, that I had a good man thank you very much!! ….  (seriously he did)

The lunatic had definitely left the asylum again. I felt tense, I felt stressed, I felt in danger (he isn’t physically violent), but in danger for what he was going to do to me, and my life.

He threatened to contact people. The threats kept coming and coming. He knows that the person that I was with before him, was an absolute psycho who  I met when I was grieving my daughter, and traumatised with severe chronic PTSD. So I yelled at him – STOP… STOP…. you are behaving like (the ex guys name) STOP…. you are triggering me. I felt traumatised. I felt like I was once again behind a glass wall. I went still, stared into space.

He stopped. Which just goes to show, that sociopaths CAN choose what they are doing. Even in narcissistic rage. He knew that by mirroring me, he had helped to pull me out of the trauma that I was stuck in, for which no therapy had worked when I met him. And this, was something that he was proud of. He always took pride that for all his bad things, he wasn’t as bad a psycho as the last one. (who would have taken great pleasure in seeing me in pain).

It wasn’t that he didn’t want to see me in pain. It was more that he wanted to be seen as the good guy and not as bad as the last one. He left and went home after another day of drama. Which was almost constant. And the phone calls were relentless.

I felt sad that I had forgotten, that whilst I can love unconditionally some people are so crazy, they can’t help themselves. I felt sad that he had once again used me as source of supply, then engineered a fight and tried to emotionally destroy me to get out, once he didn’t need the source of supply.

I could only laugh when he said

Yes,  but you don’t understand, the last week or so, I didn’t have any money or food, but now I do, I can be in my own place. I don’t need to be here.

I had to admire his honesty. He had just put me through hell, and I was feeling broken. Why not just walk out the door? I guess the sociopath needs to ‘kill’ metaphorically, what they are using as source of supply, before they can just walk. Or maybe, he genuinely believed that I was doing something against him.

It did make me think of one thing. Fortunately I understand sociopathic behaviour, so I was able to see it for what it was. What he was doing was EMOTIONAL ABUSE. I  told him so. Of course he did the whole

  • Everybody says
  • It’s all you
  • I am going to ruin you/destroy you
  • I am going to contact x y z
  • I am going to report you
  • You won’t get rid of me

You know, all of the usual. I wanted to write this post today, just to say, that if you do have a temporary relapse –

  • NOTHING will change – the sociopath CANNOT change
  • Anything that the sociopath learns about you WILL be used against you
  • You will go back to DAY ONE of recovery (like smoking when you have quit)
  • That more carnage will be brought into your life

I think the most important thing that I learned from this was, that the sociopath who wrote to me and said – we can CHOOSE to be like it (destructive) – was telling the truth. As when I was broken, and warned him that he was triggering my PTSD. He DID stop.  He continued later, but he did stop, and it wasn’t as relentless and mentally abusive as before.

So, Sociopaths CAN choose to be the way that they are. They CAN choose to stop. Just that most of the time they won’t. As –

  • Winning
  • Being in control

Is more important. The sociopath has to win, and has to be in control. At all times. Even when they are in the wrong, they still have to win, and be in control. Nothing is ever their fault, and when you are being accused of something that you hadn’t done, and being relentlessly pursued, after being groomed – you can feel like you are having a nervous breakdown. The sick things that he threatened to do, were once again quite unbelievable.

One thing that did interest me, was how his facial features changed again. I know, just by looking at his face when he is on psycho meltdown. His eyes are on stalks and are cold, hard and staring, the colour almost drains from his face, and his face looks tense. You can feel the tension in the air. It IS scary.

This is how it really is, being with a sociopath. No matter what they say, they won’t change. They have this deep desire to be in control. To own and possess you.

If you fail and you relapse. Don’t give yourself a hard time about it, or beat yourself up. Just get back up the next day, and start the No contact again. I wanted to write this, so that those who are thinking about it, know the reality NOTHING WILL CHANGE – in fact, after the peace and silence – it can feel worse, once you are being mentally berated. It DOES feel like being hammered into a hole, and it is so draining. I felt exhausted, and did feel like I was losing my mind.

He left, and went home….. it is now 12.25am as I write this. It’s been hot this last week, I sit writing this my garden lit up by candlelight, sat at my table in the garden. I feel peace. I feel serene. I feel calm. The sociopath always – after a short time, brings carnage into your life, threats of smear campaigns, tension, drama, negativity. You will hate yourself whilst with the sociopath. There might be silence once the sociopath is gone,  but it is a peace within.

Nobody else can make you happy but you. Happiness is always an inside job. Follow your heart, and follow your dreams. Be yourself. You will NEVER be yourself when when the sociopath, just who the sociopath moulds you into. The relationship with a sociopath is an abusive relationship. Because of their desire to control and to win. You are worth more than being someone else’s puppet. Find the beauty within you. And if you make a mistake, don’t beat yourself up about it…. we all do it.

If you have just came out of the relationship – forgive yourself. You can never change the sociopath, or anyone else. But you CAN change you!

Expecting normality from the sociopath…. is really…. like trying to hammer a square peg into a round hole! You won’t achieve it…. instead you will feel like you are being hammered into a hole. Never lose your identity for anyone. Never change who you are for anyone. Be yourself. Love yourself – your worth it!! 🙂

sometimes you need to

279 thoughts on “You can NEVER trust a Sociopath! Not ever!”

  1. Mines also came back two days ago. My intuition is screaming RUN….why cant I? After no contact for two and a half weeks. We went to the Movies last night… he wined and dined. Even cried… I told straight out he’s a socio. But if a I believe this..why am I back dealing with him?

    1. I can promise you this vctory, the same thing will happen again. As they just cannot help themselves.

      They love the challenge to seduce you, to win. To regain control. And will be so lovely, romantic, caring, helpful.

      It really does, come as quite a shock (despite all you already know) – when the mask slips and once again psycho loon is in front of you.

      What I have found most disturbing – is how the facial features the eyes especially change. it is like a different person in front of you. That is the point. YES you can care about the other side. But it is the pattern in their brain, the damage that they can do. The ruining the nasty things, which are beyond – wow just beyond anything. That jekylle and and hyde. I promise you, it will go the same way.

      This is with a guy who knows what he is, who gets it. He knows I know too…. but that other side, the dark side is always there.

      1. So Im sleeping with the enemy, basically. Yes positiva, his whole look and eyes change from angel to demon, back and forth. And i found out he’s up to his no good self AGAIN. He put his hand on the bible and lied. I found text in his phone indicating contradiction.This guy is looney. when morning comes… I will resume no contact. AGAIN… *SIGH* Looking at the text to the OW made me go back down memory lane. He is doing exactly what he did in the honey moon stage with me. I now know its a huge possibility he was cheating with more than on woman when he was with me.

      2. Its crazy huh? And no matter what you do, you can never make sense of the nonsensical. It doesn’t matter what you offer the sociopath, it will never be enough. When that face changes…. that is when you are in danger, and you need to RUN!! Cos next will always come RUINING…. 😦

    2. Omg,, I thought I was the only one on this site making a fool out of her self. I took mine back into my life as well, he was just released from prison I guess you can say right now its the honeymoon stage, we went food shopping and he filled up fridge, freezer everything, but he always did that, we hsd fun, lets face it I love and missed him. But I even tild him this morning if you think your gonna start your shit I will throw you right out, ya know that feelung mind games for no reason, stress, the fog stating. Thaats when he will have to leave. Right now Im enjoying him. Lets see how long this lasts. Please feel free to comment to me please, I need feedback people. Love an Peace!!!!!

      1. Awww bewildered. I do truly understand. As yes, they can be fun. its great that he filled up your freezer – (mine would eat all my food)… then leave.

        You have to remember if he is filling up your freezer he is seducing you, trying to lure you in, win you back. The same character is there underneath, he is just hidden right now behind a charismatic mask. Just remember that.

        At some point test him – refuse to give him what he wants, or threaten to remove source for supply. And you see what will happen…. read the post the confusion of kindness…..

        Remember that they CAN be kind and helpful and lots of fun – but almost always there is an agenda. They come with one, and leave with one too…. the same pattern WILL repeat. As they repeat the same pattern over and over.

      2. I know Positiva, Im going to enjoy him as much as I possibly can. Im aware of the assesment, seducing, gaming and ruining, when things start heating up he will be the first one out of the kitchen. Peace and love

      3. Well already there were 2 red flags….. Guess this is gonna end sooner than I thought.. So instead of of fighting and bringing up The ole I know your lying scenario Im asking him to leave xause Im just starting to feel a little uneasy and its time to nip it in the bud. He will go in peace, we have a restraining order so he wont wanna go back to jail. It was nice whike it lasted.

    3. Victory, Im glad Im not alone, I took mine back is well. A fool in love I guess you can say. Well when it starts to become foggy and I become stressed, oh believe me after 25 yrs. I’ll know when its comin, its definatly comin that much Im sure of. Enjoy it while it lasts…

      1. Bewildered…. one thing I forgot….as I had EXACTLY The same attitude…..

        The ruining, smear campaigns, he is in your house, and can learn information about you, find out any weaknesses, he is learning you again. At the end comes the ruining and smear campaigns, threats and abuse, and that is a nightmare that is hard to switch off. Remember….

        I know you are in the land of delusion that he is feeding you, right now, you have what is the ‘good’ side. And this is what creates ADDICTION and DEPENDENCE to him!!

        He is, by being, fun, useful, helpful, creating (without you realising) dependence and addiction to him. It feels good, because right now you are getting your fix…..

        Remember the drill

        Assessment
        Seducing
        Gaming
        Ruining

        Remember that their abuse is so subtle. Yes you will notice it, and it will be evident being away for such a while. But…. when you try to leave and are faced with threats to ruin you, smear campaigns and all the nightmare hell on earth….. you will think OMG what have I done, and realise that in terms of getting away from him you have to start from day one… Only it might be worse (if he isn’t in jail).

        Anyway I know that this won’t change a thing. Continue to post here, even if you are with him. This site is called dating a sociopath – for a reason 🙂 … I did it many times, far too many!! Nothing ever changes. I know that, and you do too…..

        Sometimes it can take a few rounds for our hearts to accept what our heads already know!! 🙂

      2. Why is it the we believe these people? I am a strong successful girl. I just don’t understand how I have done the things that I have and gone through what I have (been exposed to things that I never would have in my life because I led my life to not go through my house being searched, courtrooms, etc).
        He loves me SO much! He’s handsome, tall, sex was like nothing I have experienced.
        Why do we not see it when everyone who loves us does?

      3. So a little over a month it lasted with mines. We broke yesterday and even in that month we took a 4day breakup? Lol its crazy. I started no contact today. He sent bible scriptures. I ignored. He’s back w/ the other woman. I was bitching too much about him still having ties with her. Haha.. he still says Im his future wife, he loves me BUT im leaving him no choice but to learn to love someone else. He’s dumb as hell.

  2. I am so glad you shared this. As your friend on FB, I have sensed something was going on with you but chose not to be nosey. I knew you were open and honest enough to eventually share if it would make a difference. I unfortunately know how you are feeling and felt but am so glad you are smarter and more aware than I ever was. You’re a beautiful and caring person. 🙂 XOXO

  3. Its all a process, as empaths, we naturally believe in second chances, and naturally want to see the best in people. Time and time again. And its totally worth exploring when they engineer the perfect story or set or circumstances to make you believe it could be true.

    Example: After a month of no contact with my soc, we met up to get coffee. He was now suddenly extremely fit, claimed to work out all the time (and appeared he did), was tanner, changed his physical appearance, and told me about how good he felt spiritually and how he finally “got it” (all the things I was urging him to explore within himself to free himself from the pain and anger he was holding onto). He even went as far as to tell me he has a few job opportunities lined up in the state I am in the process of moving to. How fucking convenient! Which I later find out from a third party source is a complete fabrication. Surprise, surprise.

    Something happened though. I spent about 3 hours with him. Over coffee. I missed him so much. I was entranced by him. Yet I couldnt BELIEVE the amount of pain and discomfort I felt immediately after. As well as the next day. Physical discomfort. It was unlike any other pain I had felt when I reconnected with an ex. I knew something wasnt right.

    The next day I told him that the reasons we hadnt spoken previous to this for a month were still very real (me catching him cheating on me) and that I was unsure how much I wanted him in my life, if at all, and I needed space. He said he udnerstood and that he would stop contacting me (although he didnt completely stop. I had to stonewall him). And then I find out days later, after having a massive breakdown and literally asking for an “act of god” to pul me through this, that he had been cheating with NUMEROUS women, not just one. Numerous. Countless. Disgusting. And I havent confronted him about it or spoken to him since. I mean, really though, whats the point? I dont need to hear anything from him. Just myself.

    But you are absolutely right. even a brief lapse of judgement will be such a harsh reality check because not only do they not change, but you are on the defense and aware of who and what they are. Its a harsh realization, but you also do bounce back quicker. Im a firm believer in you will keep finding these life lessons until you learn everything you need to, in all the different ways.

    My other thought is, its been a few weeks. No contact. Im feeing good again. At peace. strong. etc. No contact at all from him though. Maybe he really is gone for good? Over it? Done with me too? I mean, I know this sounds petty, but I want to be the one done with HIM, not the other way around? (Silly, I know). No contact at all from him though. Thoughts?

    1. Thanks GL, really good points. Also useful for me, as it reflects how I feel. With regard to him, remember he loves to do the ‘silent’ treatment, thinking you will miss him, for when he wants to waltz back into your life (which they often do). Am pleased to read that you are doing so much better 🙂

      1. Thanks! Yeah I feel a trumendous weight lifted and an unfamiliar quiet in my life. Its good though. I find myself not having to change songs on the radio due to a heart wrenching pain in the heart or stomach. Its a weird feeling. I have a first reaction to avoid or have aversion to anything that reminds me of him, but when I do slip and come in contact with something that reminds me of him (a pub we would frequent, his favorite thing on the menu, a joke we laughed at, a song we both loved,) I find myself just contently smiling. Not “resisting” wanting to text him, not missing him but distracting myself. Its as if he truly has faded away and I dont have to just pretend and force him out. You know?

        Regarding you and your process, its refreshing to know that we are all still here together, in this together, to help one another. You have helped so many people in a tremendous way, probably more than you will ever get to know or understand. What a blessing to positively impact so many people on a daily basis.

        So, I think I speak for most, if not all of us, when I say that we are absolutely here for you to listen and talk, judgement free, ready to gently remind you of the same things you very well know, and gently remind all of us daily, and so grateful to have an opportunity to do so, since you’ve helped so many of us. We’ve got you :), for those moments where you may also slip.

    2. Stay strong, NC!
      Move forward, stop waiting & wondering, that is what he wants.
      Clear your heart, it takes time but, I know how you feel 😉
      When you love someone it’s hard to let go.
      Remember if he truly loved you he wouldn’t have cheated on you.
      Real love will come, just let go of his hold on your heart.
      You deserve better, believe it ;0)

      PR X

      1. Thank you! I agree. Not worth it, but still curious. You know? Just a thought. I hope you are doing well!

    3. I can totally identify with your desire to be the “dumper” rather than the “dumpee”. I feel bad enough thinking that I “let” a jerk treat me the way this one did for so long (4 years) and every day I realize more and more crap that he did, that I was in denial about. Like thinking his constant online flirting and emotional affairs with co-workers didn’t include any physical sex with these women. Yeah right! I still catch myself feeling like a fool for being sucked in by his lies! Then to think that, on top of all that, HE was the one who discarded ME???

      Among all the bad things I’m remembering and realizing, there are also many good things. I’m realizing how strong I have been, both to survive the abuse and to overcome it. To have the power and the wisdom to walk away – yes, I was the one who told him that I was no longer putting up with his crap and that it was over. But no matter who initiated the “official” breakup, I’m out of there, and that’s what really counts!

      My humiliation is gradually being replaced by pride for myself, and anger towards him. And I’m doing fine on my own. I have good days and bad days, but I’m here: not needing him to validate me anymore, not needing booze and meds to get me through the pain anymore. Because there’s a lot less pain, now that he’s almost completely out of my life!

      Now I have very little contact with him. I’ve blocked him from my Facebook, and I refuse to keep checking his profile like I used to. But when he does call me, each time just reinforces the fact that I made the best decision of my life by excluding him from it! I no longer care if he calls, or if he is done with me… I am done with HIM.

      1. Good for you!

        And good for you for cleaning up the booze and meds! I have found many vices but really worked through the pain (the years past discard) by sitting with the pain and moving towards it, and through it, instead of away from it. Really works, although it isnt pleasant at first. So, good for you!

        Yeah, the dumper/dumpee thing is definitely an ego call. And I do know that. But part of me just wants to “stick it to him”, and really, its impossible to! Because he has already pulled one over on me 5 times before/during and after that so he cant possibly be let down, he cant possibly be disappointed, he cant possibly be any of the things we would HOPE he is when we walk away, because he already has too many irons in the fire and has too many other sources of supply to turn to. So, in a normal world, yes, it makes sense to be the dumper or dumpee…but even if I claimed the “dumper” victory, he still has the “well I’ve been sleeping with someone else this whole time!” card…which I cant really trump. So, you have the right idea. It truly doesnt matter. As long as I’m off his disgusting list.

    4. The relapse is probably the hardest thing to understand and forgive yourself for. Reading blogs like this in moments of weakness helps it to pass though. (Both for the happy relapse and the angry relapse.)

  4. Actually, there IS one thing you can trust about a sociopath – you can always trust them to make you feel like crap!

    I’ve been gradually withdrawing from my ex-nutjob starting before I actually left him. For me it was safer, because he IS physically dangerous as well as extremely mentally dangerous. As I got used to being on my own I started to notice that every time he contacted me, I always felt bad afterwards. “Bad” as in “he’s done it to me again, made me feel bad about myself or reminded me of the crap he put me through”. It was like the hangovers I used to get when I drank to escape the way he made me feel, while we were together. In fact, I’m struck by the similarities between my struggle to give up alcohol, and my struggle to detach myself from the sicko.

    The most recent incident happened last week. He phoned and asked how I was doing. I made the mistake of telling him I’m short of money this month because I didn’t get a monthly tax refund I had budgeted for. Did he offer to help in any way? Of course not!

    He started haranguing me about having too many pets, especially a kitten I had bought shortly after we split up, because I had given him one of my cats who (for reasons unknown to me) bonded with him and was happier at his place. While we were together, ex claimed to love my pets – every day telling the animals he loved them, but never saying those same words to me! For at least 10 minutes I was lambasted about the cost of feeding them, vet bills, etc. but the main focus was the kitten! I was made to feel ashamed for having the kitten, and guilty for putting these poor animals through the hardship of my not having the money to care for them, even though I had enough food for them to last the month and none of them needed to go to the vet! And of course this tirade was framed as “I’m just saying this because I’m concerned!”

    After a day of feeling like crap and punishing myself, I started to see the real motivation behind ex-nutjob’s ranting. He knows that the only human contact I have besides him is my therapist. He knows that my pets are the only “family” I have. I think he’s angry and jealous that I’m able to rely on them for companionship, and not him! The kitten is a big kick in the ego for him, because by getting a new pet I’m moving on with my life,

    From this incident I’ve learned one thing: if a sociopath asks “how are you doing?”, DO NOT tell him anything important – especially problems. They don’t care about you, or your problems. All they care about is using whatever they know about you, to inflate their pus-filled ego by controlling you and making you feel worthless.

    1. 100% spot on cattiput. It is like we have dated the same man. What I find incredible is how they can fake so very well to be absolutely sane. They will always use anything that you confide in them against you. Not if…. but when….

    2. Yes, they feed on your emotions & love the fact that you care so much for them but, to them you are disposable.
      It’s really hard to believe that someone you care about has nothing but disdain for you 😦 especially when it ends 😦
      The sociopath throws people away at a whim when they’ve had enough but, sometimes they haven’t finished so, they return to taunt you & so the gaming continues.
      Finally you realise but, with that realisation comes the full extent of the abuse & that is what is so devastating,
      The Sociopath really is a complete waste of space.
      Clear them out of your space & watch how much love & energy flows in, it’s amazing ;0)
      It’s like when the cloud passes the Sun & then the Sun shines brighter.
      The Sociopath is the cloud, they block the sun but, once passed , the illumination is brilliant.
      It just takes time ;0)
      Be Happy ;0)

  5. Despite all you know and understand, I can understand how easy it is to get trapped back into their world.

    With everything I’ve learnt from this site and others, I still find myself looking down to the driveway to the front gate (I live on a farm), quietly hoping to see her car pull up, even though I know that will only happen if there is something she needs from me and that it will all go to hell as soon as she has it.
    It scares me that despite all I know and understand, that I still carry this little flicker of hope that things could change and that this seed would probably be my downfall, growing and being able to be exploited given a little cultivation.

    I read an article a few days ago about em-paths and after reading that wondered whether, its not the sociopath that we have to be strong against but rather ourselves. I wonder whether it’s us, always looking at the good and overlooking the bad, hoping for the best or making excuses for their behaviour.

    I was watching Batman Begins (yeah nerd alert) and a few of Henri Ducard’s quotes really resonated with me in regard to being in a relationship with a sociopath “Criminals thrive on the indulgence of society’s understanding.” and “Your compassion is a weakness your enemies will not share.”

    Yet, even being forewarned with this information and thinking, I understand how easy it would be to fall straight back into the trap of fulfilling whatever role they have in mind for us and can only hope and pray that when the time comes, we can have enough strength to stand.

    Thank you for sharing your stories, after life with a sociopath, I’ve come to learn many of us have no one left with whom to share what we go through or how we feel and thank you for creating this safe place where we can all share and support each other.

    1. I think also (depending on the sociopath) they do all have their own personallities – of who they are. The last one I was with. Is in his heart, a nice guy. its his brain that really does not work properly. That makes him paranoid, destructive, He does have good points. As I wrote in this post, when he knew he was affecting me, he did stop. It does make me wonder do they just choose to be that way? Some are just bad, but most do have good qualities, he did. A lot of them. But the bad, was so bad, I felt engulfed, and the threats to destroy me, was horrible. Why turn against the person who helps you? It really makes no sense to me.

      1. I understand how you feel, how confusing it is. We perceive these great qualities in them and love them for these qualities and expect that if they care for us also that they feel as we do. It’s confusing when the switch flips and their actions go contrary to how we feel.
        I’s a testament to how great a person you are, that you give a second chance and are able to focus on the good.
        My dad used to say “hope for the best, prepare for the worst”. Unfortunately it seems you can’t even hope for the best when dealing with a sociopath as (from what I’ve learned anyway) they don’t experience relationships like others. It’s heartbreaking.
        We’re here for you

      2. I used to make ex-cuses for my ex. I could see for myself that he was screwed up and had an ugly childhood, and this was reinforced when I met his family. I have written a theory about why sociopaths are the way they are, and why some of us fall so hard for them, but it’s long and I won’t go into detail here. Suffice it to say that becoming a sociopath is an unhealthy way of coping, and it’s a symptom of the emotional destruction they suffered as children.

        A sociopath may be nice underneath, but we must never lose sight of the fact that they’re damaged goods, and they damage those around them. We may feel sorry for them, but, rest assured, they are NOT CAPABLE of feeling sorry for us! They are also not capable of reciprocating emotions such as love and devotion. That’s why it’s so easy for them to turn against people who try to help them. They honestly don’t believe they NEED you or your help, because neediness is weakness to them. They refuse to “need” – instead, they just TAKE – believing they have every right to take whatever they please from an inferior, giving nothing in return.

        So why did your ex stop his abuse when you told him it was hurting you? Two reasons: first of all, every puppet master knows that if he yanks the strings too hard, they’ll break. Secondly, by comparing him to another sociopathic ex, you forced him to face up to the biggest lie sociopaths tell themselves: the “I’m a good person and can do no wrong” lie. He saw the similarities between himself and the “bad” ex he supplanted, and couldn’t handle it.

        Sociopaths are so threatened by being compared with a previous lover, that they use the same comparison as one of their favourite weapons against their targets. Whenever I confronted my ex with evidence of his cheating (a cardinal sin, in his eyes), he compared me to his “crazy” ex who was “always” accusing him of the same thing.

  6. Hi Positiva,
    It’s hard breaking the addiction to the Sociopath & like an alcoholic, you have one drink, just one & BAM! Your back to the vicious cycle of dependency on the Sociopath.
    It’s so hard to break co-dependency which they have programmed you to accept.
    They use your emotions against you, put your heart & head in conflict so, you can’t think straight because that fine balance is once again thrown off.
    Keep up the good work, as you are a Beautiful, Caring person 😉
    The Sociopath knows this, that’s why he finds it so easy to play with you.
    You have given him all the ammunition & he loves shooting you down.
    Fortunately you keep getting up 😉
    You are on the journey back to you, don’t give up ever.
    You are real & authentic, don’t let him use You against You anymore.
    Be Brave, you can break his hold, it just takes time & energy, something we don’t always have,
    We are here for you & with you. Walking right beside you ;0)
    Forgive yourself for being duped.
    Do not forgive or forget what the Sociopath has done because, that is another thing they rely on.
    Our forgiveness lets them back in sometimes.
    Nurture yourself & walk your talk, only you can change you.
    Remember you are a conduit to us all in our recovery as well as your own.
    You are fabulous 😉
    Take care, be happy, really happy not just pretend ;0)
    You have the power!

    Love
    PR xoxo

    1. Thanks Pheonix, I don’t have dependency on him. There are things about him I do genuinely like as a person. It is just his crazy head, the constant accusations of things I haven’t done. The snide comments. The jealousy, and using information against me when I want to walk away, then the threats of smear campaigns. His good side is very good, but his bad side is very bad. I like him – I just cant cope when he is hammering me down, it makes me feel terrible. LIke i have just had the life sucked out of me. I feel like yelling (and do sometimes) why cant you just be normal? But he can’t. That whole deluded state of mind…. they really can’t change. And they can’t stop using everything that you entrust them with, against you. Unfortunately :(I

      1. Hi Positiva,
        It may not be dependency but,he still has a hold on your heart otherwise you wouldn’t have let him back in to hammer you again 😦
        I now how hard it is to separate what you like about him from what you loath. Eventually one outweighs the other & it’s usually the latter.
        You are right they do ‘suck the life’ because they ‘suck at life’.
        Take good care of yourself & thanks for sharing.
        You have given all of us a voice & a refuge, you truly are wonderful.
        🙂

  7. Thanks for this post,i really needed it fir some reason i did call the man i fell hard for that turned our to be. A sociopathic. Scammer,a sweetheart scammer.i blindsided myself 2 days ago at work by calling him,.i. spoke to him for a few minutes,but regretted it because then i only kept thinking about him,and he had ruined my life already,why do i want to talk to him? And so tonight, i wanted to call again,but i saw your email first and i read your blog about not to ever. Go back they never change,and what you said once really resinated with me when you said when you were little you believed in santa,but just because you remember how that made you feel doesnt mean you can believe in him now and he will be real.i know this. Guy has to be a sociopath,he really sucked me in,and crushed me,its so hard to let go because he days he still loves me and wants me back,he wants to pay me back.but i know its a lie.

    1. If you mean pay you back financially, they never do. In fact they get off saying that they will pay you back, and you waiting for the money – but it never materialises. They love to stall for time. Thanks for your comment. I had debated whether to write it…. but thought it might be the right post at the right time for someone. Realistically we all have good points and bad. Sociopaths too can have good points (this is what causes the confusion)…. but the bad points are absolutely destroying your life (or threatening to do so) that isn’t love 😦

      1. Nikki: I just read your post. And I think everyone here would feel tempted to see if the soc ( or sob) will change. Unfortunately we all know the truth. Our hearts want to believe it can happen, but our hearts can be deceived. We have to think with our heads. I saw a movie tonight called” the way way back”. Go see it. I think many of us will relate to it. Pay special attention to Allison janney’s character and what it means to be happy. And GL- I feel for you. I have inklings of the same thing with my soc but don’t even want to delve. Just pick up the pieces the best way you know how and let’s all keep walking. I am reminded of a line from” perks of being a wallflower”-” we accept the love we feel we deserve”. Well ladies, we deserve better.

  8. I did this yo-going for five years its painful but now you’ve learnt a lesson the hard way….you can never just be friends with them. They will ask that of you to stay in your life and use you and so they can keep you trained !
    It’s been 14 months for me now, my ex lives one road down from me, I ignore his whole existence. If I pass he in the street I cross over and don’t give give him the satisfaction of being noticed, he still shouts abuse in the street but I don’t react….to me he is dead.
    Sarah
    Btw. The eyes out on stalks lol that sounds like my ex in fact the whole story sounds like we’re talking about the same person.
    I really can’t stress enough about hobbies, being creative will keep your mind too busy to allow them back in.
    (I design and knit using a knitting machine)

    1. Well we were friends on/off after we split anyway. This blog started when he was in my life daily. It is just that he hadn’t been so much, so i really noticed the difference this time. The massive shift. it wasn’t a shock or anything that I didn’t already know (in jan he came to my house, stayed for a week, wouldn’t leave my side) then left and said – ‘but my boiler is fixed now so I can be at home I have heating’!! lol you can’t make it up. It is just the repeated pattern of behaviour. I wrote it here, not because I was upset, but as it had just happened I thought I would, in case it serves to help someone else.

  9. Every post you write describes my ex so accurately. The staring, cold, psycho eyes…oh my God. These people are all the same aren’t they? They all have so many characteristics in common. I almost feel sorry for him, rather than being interesting, different and unique like other people he is just part of a whole group with the same behaviours and characteristics. Sociopaths will never be unique, happy people who grow and learn through life like we will. Sad.

  10. Sociopaths are simply leading you up the garden path for their own entertainment. The things you take seriously and the things you feel are nothing more than a joke for them. It is impossible to communicate with them because they choose to hear only the words and not the music. Communicating with them will drain you of energy, reveal your weaknesses to them and your distress will be a source of cheap entertainment to them. It is a game to them, like watching a soap opera. And then they get bored, they will switch it off and go away. Because your life and your emotions were nothing more to them than a curious tv programme that they can watch until something else needs to be done. As long as you hope they will act like a human being, you are limiting your life. Think of it like trying to make gold out of lead. It will not happen. The great breakthrough is not around the next corner. There is no change imminent, however the sociopath spins the story. He is treating you as a game and your emotions as a joke to fill his downtime.

  11. Wow I hope you can help with this one, I can never escape mine emotionally and I always hope he has learned. My son showed signs at the age of around one, he did not want to bond. Throughout elementary school he was always in trouble. At age 9. He stole my money bought a realisftic bb gun and survival equipment and went into the woods, he was arrested. I continuously lost jobs and places to live for he was continuously stealing etc. I put him in therapy and hospitalized him twice. When he hit about 12 he stole and then would cry to the victims telling them I did it. When he hit around 15 he started to blossom to this charming gorgeous young man who was extremely popular especially with the ladies. Everyone liked him. I was convinced he was changing, but the fraud, and even stealing several motorcycles from his best friend ( no one knew till years later) his sister got him a job and he stole a truck that was used on his bosses property and not fully insured, then took off. His sister could not believe it, till later. He told me he wanted to be in the mafia, I did not believe this, got hooked with them in Mexico at 18, stole from them, was kidnapped and forced into working for the Zetas, vicious killers, I am told as a hit man to pay his debt. Since he’s a gringo but spoke Spanish thoroughly. He was their asset. Now he disappeared, was seen alive hiding a year ago. Do I try to find him? Could he of learned his lesson, I know he’s homeless but does not contact me, he also I am told came here to rob me years ago ( possibly kill, not sure ). No one wants him around, but what if he contacts me and says he’s changed. He’s 30 now.

    1. Hi mom, what a heartbroreaking story you have to tell. You must have so many mixed emotions. The love that you obviously feel for your son, and the heartache for the abuse that you have had to endure. I am so sorry for what you have had to go through.

      I guess, right now, you don’t know whether he is alive or dead? If he has disappeared for a year ago?

      What an awful dilema to be in. I am sure that if he wanted to contact you, he would, I assume that he knows how to do this, or to contact family members?

      You must take care of yourself, and your safety first. You say that you were not sure if he wanted to rob you or kill you? As a mother, that must feel – well, devastating, and also frightening too. As well as confusing, as a mother we are have it in us to love our child unconditionally.

      If he contacts you, and says that he has changed. If he is a sociopath, it is unlikely that he has changed. Could be turning up for further source of supply. I think that it is important in terms of family – that if you wanted contact with him, to enforce very strict boundaries, to protect yourself. To not allow him to abuse you further (as he could if he had that opportunity). I know general advice is to walk away and have no further contact, but that is very difficult to do if you are a mother and this is your son, no matter what he has done. The best that you can do in this behaviour, is to make it clear that you love him, but you do not love or accept the behaviour. That it is the behaviour and not him that you have the issue with. Remember that this is a default (I call it that, as the repeated patterns did seem that way to me) in the brain, because of this there is unlikely to ever be change.

      It might be best to just leave it, and if he does contact you. To be very strict with rules and regulations, put very firm boundaries in place, and ensure that you are the person who is in control, as you know the sociopath can very easily take over your life.

      If you want to know where he is, and is he safe and well, is there a way for you to find out this information? For example by hiring a private detective? This (might) put your mind at rest and offer you answers..

      1. Thank you for responding. Sine 2008, I had thought and was told he was already dead. Then found out he was alive 1 1/2 years ago. I also learned he was constantly moving and hiding due to having a mafia contract on him. But also, he had a church help to remove all his horrendous tattoos. The person. Who last heard from him has not heard from him either. My daughter and his brother want straight no contact with him. My husband , his step father wants nothing to do with him as he has cost my husband well over 20k in the past rescuing him from one thing or another. Always life or death things. Icant report him missing in case it puts him in danger, but if he is killed he will become an unknown victim. The reason I don’t know if he had been at my house to kill me, was he came while he was still active with the Zetas, waited till my house was dark and tried to trick his way inside. Then someone spray painted my curb with red paint. I had also received a call from Mexico, demanding ransom. That was a week before he had been at the front door trying to change his voice and trick my husband to open it. He has two children, there had also been a contract on his 2 yar old daughter when they could not find him. Sorry this is so painful, I love, fear, miss, question my sanity, wonder if I am too blamed, though his natural father was also a psychopath, but he did not know him. What I always wondered was how someone could feel no loyalty to anyone, even if he shows some caring for them

      2. I just experienced a relapse but am grateful for now I have seen the truths and have let “the Demon” know I have uncovered his fabricated cruel lies. I have discovered that almost 100% of what he says is not only false, but even insignificant things are twisted. Now that he knows that I know what he is I believe he will move on because he won’t be able to use his tactics on . Any attraction that there may have been has turned into repulsion. There is no soul only survival instinct (like a hyena) I have uncovered lie after diabolical lie, more than I could have imagined. Someone comented earlier about the spaths of logic, and why would they take 1 when they could have 100? The illogical behavior and inconsistencies were what made me curious. Nothing made sense. I am free and armed with experience and and knowledge!!

  12. I have been dealing with a soc for almost 5 years. I met him (he told me he never came up to girls, I was the first one) He is tall and handsome (best sex I have EVER had) sweet, charming and a gentleman. Even putting the napkin on your lap when you went to dinner. He was a Sgt with the Sheriff Dept. He went from being my Knight in Shinning Armor to my worst nightmare.
    I was there for him for everything he needed. He got arrested for shop lifting (of course it was a mistake!!). I bailed him out believing it was a mistake (he had his daughters with him). Stood by him helping him get the best attorney (loaning him the $. He was put on unpaid leave) while waiting for his trial (which I think he loved the attention and thought the news cameras would be there at court because it was in the papers) Then got arrested again for shoplifting (a year later) while we were in court waiting for a trial date for his first. My home was searched twice. I was invaded and embarrassed with my neighbors and family.
    Then realizing he was addicted to RX drugs (which he blamed for his reason for stealing) Oh yeah he proposed to me with a huge diamond ring.
    He was so drugged out that he was staying in his car because I wouldn’t let him in my home (he had moved in with me).
    Before rehab his parents dis-owned him (even wrote a letter to the judge asking him to give him the strong sentence he could). They even took him to court to get a restraining order because he called his mom to tell her he was molested by his dad at the age of 7 (grinding on him). I loaned him $$ to fight that too.
    I was loaning him $ to pay his bills because I was going to get paid back (and I did for some at the time but think it was all a part of keeping me for his needs knowing he would still need me)
    I thought he would OD. It came to the last day to pay his ins or he would lose it forever. I paid it and drove him to rehab (of course there is a lot that went on as I could seriously write a book!)
    He charmed everyone in rehab. I looked for a sober living. Killed myself taking care of this man while he would love me then break up with me a million times over. Girls, girls, girls always fell for him. He would act innocent only to torture me with them.
    Acting like he loved me SO much. Promising me the best life ever for doing what I did for him.
    I have been on a roller coaster of he loves me to he’s gone. Over and over. Blocking me, ignoring me to cruel awful texts.
    Then he loves me again.

    The first of the year we broke up. I last 6 weeks with no contact. I mistakenly looked on facebook and he was posting things he knew would hurt me.
    I called him to ask him to block his fb like he always had. He sucked me in by saying “I was asking god for a sign” and you called.
    Said how good he was doing etc etc. Said all the right things and got me back. Only to crush me with a girl again. We would have a beautiful day and he would cause a fight and leave. Then send me screen shots from other girls.
    There is so much more.
    Now he is gone again with crushing me on his way out. Video taped me broken and crying then sent it to me.
    I FINALLY saw and GOT IT that this man has no conscience at all!!!!

    Now he’s posting on FB that he’s in Vegas winning all this $$ with pics. Just exposing only that for me to see.
    He owes me $$ and he won a lot. But I can’t contact him because I know that why he’s posting it is to hurt me.

    I just want to stay strong!! HELP

    1. We hear you & share your pain. Mine is a Commander in the Fire Dept,same,same,same.
      They are emotional vampires these Soc’s & do an enormous amount of damage so,keep reading the posts, do all the healing recommended,get support from people you trust. You don’t deserve this, none of us do ;(
      It’s happened & now we will try & help you find your way back 🙂
      Believe in yourself, we do 🙂

      1. You have no idea how reading these posts have helped me. I have been reading for a couple days.
        What a posted was such a tiny amt of what I have gone through.
        I’ve kept him away. But still believing this man I love was in there and he would get better.
        I let him in again after 6 weeks of not seeing him. He kept saying how we need to see each other to “bond” again.
        Thank god it happened quickly. He swore he hadn’t had any contact with any girl for 3 weeks. A girl texted him while we were in bed and I watched him delete it. He talked his way out of it and I let it go so we could have a chance and his words would be true.
        Only to have the girl text him in the morning after we “Made Love” the night before.
        He told me that he was still contacting them because he wasn’t sure he wanted “US” AGAIN!!!
        I broke down crying my eyes out to which he video taped it.
        Sent it to me later in the day like I was the wrong one.
        He did even realize watching it how he absolutely broke my heart.
        How can a person watch what he video taped and not be crushed that he did that to someone who loves him and he says he loves?

      2. He can do it because he doesn’t care & enjoys your pain 😦
        He is a very sick person to treat you so horribly & his cruelty & callousness shows you just what a low life he really is!
        Please try & stay strong and have no contact as it will only give him further opportunity to harm you more 😦
        You can do this & we are hear & we are all at different stages but,one things is for sure,
        YOU ARE NOT ALONE 🙂
        Take care, stay strong, it does get easier believe me 🙂

      3. I wouldn’t agree that all sociopaths enjoy your pain (unless exacting revenge). Distempered ones, yes, they are sadistic. Charismatic sociopaths are more opportunistic, selfish, destructive, impulsive, and can cause such carnage 😦

  13. Not all sociopaths are evil. I’ve developed a keen understanding of morals, and while I don’t feel them, I still stick to them. I’ve also recently gotten over my fear of being “discovered” and have managed to tell many family members and.. friends. However, I’m still consumed with the boredom. I’m sure those of you that are sociopaths understand what I mean. Which is why I’m here. Seeking others and the possibility of interesting conversation.

    1. I have read about code of conduct that sociopaths can try to keep to to keep themselves out of trouble. I personally do not mind sociopaths posting here. (some do as you can see), as it is the truth that sets you free. I can’t guarantee such a warm welcome from other victims however.

      1. If I wanted a warm welcome, I wouldn’t admit to being a sociopath. I do find it odd that people tend to treat sociopaths with the same fear and animosity that “vampires” or “witches” were, during the Dark Ages. In all of my searching online, everyone says things like.

        “Sociopaths can NEVER be trusted!”

        Or..

        “They enjoy your pain and will always hurt you!”

        While there are some out there that do those things, my own personal opinion is that they aren’t fully sociopathic. A true lack of emotional connection doesn’t create narcissism. That is caused by the strong desire to feel more special, or more powerful than those around you. Full sociopaths have a keen understanding of logic, even when it comes to self analysis. With that logic, comes the understanding that we are different from normal people, and that, to blend in, we need to act as normal as possible. All the time.

      2. You paint it in such a positive light. It isn’t the fact that you have no empathy and have to blend in. It is the lies, the deception, the manipulation. The playing Mr Nice Guy, when realistically as soon as an opportunity arises, you cease it. It is the sense of betrayal that people feel.

        If you are so confident that you are not this bad person, why do you feel the need to ‘blend in’…. other people with other personality disorders don’t do that? They simply explain the disorder. So why the need to hide who you are?

      3. I didn’t fully understand who I was until the last 6 months. I’ve always known I was different, and particular things that made me different, but I never had a name for it. Recently, I’ve decided not to hide who I am. I’m open and honest about it. I have a moral code that I stick to. It involves not hurting people, emotionally or physically, except for instances of self defense. I don’t feel empathy, but I show consideration for other people’s feelings.

    2. Nathan, Its nice to have you on here. Mostly because I think there would be a handfull of us who would love the chance to pick the brain of a sociopath. And, its nothing personal against you (for me anyway) but rather just hits close to home with most of our situations. But, if you feel comfortable talking about it, there are a few things I am curious of.

      First, i understand you say you respect a code of conduct and keep other peoples feelings in consideration. So, excuse me if this is a ridiculous question. But, do you ever cry? Do you ever feel sadness? Has anyone ever hurt you so much, to your core, that you want to run away and escape this pain, but find out that even when you stop running, its still with you?

      Has anyone ever betrayed you so deeply, where you looked them in the eye and honest to God trusted them, not out of “naivety” but out of believing they were who they said they were, and then find out that they simply are not that? And again, not because you warped them to be something else in your own head, but because they actually lead you to believe, confirmed you to believe and TOLD you to believe a different set of circumstances?

      Have you ever been so shattered to the center if your being, by another human being, that you needed help from anyone at all who would listen, to talk you off a ledge of depression, pain and misery?

      Or, more directly, has anyone else ever pulled your shit on you? pulled the rug out from underneath you? left you empty handed and bewildered? Has anyone ever fooled you and made you believe the right choice is simply never to connect or trust again?

      Just curious.

      1. Just noticed your comment on here. And I’ve cried once over the last several years. It was at my uncle’s memorial service, and I made myself cry for my cousins and aunt to see. And I don’t generally feel emotional pain, just an overwhelming frustration at people acting illogically.

        Now, having said that, recently I was making an attempt at having an honest open relationship with a girl. I was focusing on not manipulating her, and not becoming her “prince charming”. Just trying to be myself. Which isn’t easy, because as a sociopath, I don’t have a distinct personality. But I digress. The girl I was dating turned out to be a sociopath, and not like myself. She was manipulative, and controlling, always doing what she wanted, regardless of the consequences, and always trying to place the blame somewhere else. I saw through it pretty fast, but stuck it out in the relationship anyway. She cheated on me, and it ended pretty fast. Looking back, I chide myself for being stupid and sticking it out, but that’s the only “feeling” I have about it.

      2. That is interesting Nathan, thanks for sharing. Do you not think that sociopaths act illogically though? I have found that my ex often acted illogically (it might have made sense for the short term) but his long term planning just was absent.

        Like over the long term he could have had 100, but he was happy that he just got 1 – it was that kind of logic, which to me, seemed quite bizarre. What is that with the inability to plan long term?

      3. Most sociopaths, and I really do mean 99%, are unable to focus on anything except their ability to get what they want in every situation they’re in. They have enough logic and intuition to assess a situation, and determine how to use it to their immediate advantage. But.. this kind of gets down to some of the root issues of being a sociopath.

        Boredom. Pure utter boredom. Without emotions, life is simply existence. We’re constantly looking for something to give us that “rush” that makes you feel alive. Finding someone who can challenge you, on a mental level, or a situation that requires your full undivided attention, these are the things that make a sociopath feel alive. Impulse “paths” find that rush from manipulating people around them, and controlling people and situations. They have no inhibitions, and see no reason not to control themselves. Logic “paths” see the self destruction at the end of the Impulse’s choices, and avoid that as much as possible. We’re still bored, but unwilling to destroy ourselves for that brief rush.

      4. Its almost like tunnel vision….and I also wouldnt use the word intuition with a sociopath, although I cant step inside your experience. Intuition is an internal movement of feeling or energy that empaths experience life through. If a sociopath had intuition, he would probably get a sense that sticking his ____ in someone elses _____ would end horribly for at least one person involved. But he isn’t intuitive to situations, other peoples thoughts, wants and needs. Just his own.

        I find a lot of your comments interesting, but contradictory to what the textbook soc would be. I know not every human being can fit a DSM-IV diagnosis or fit into a category, but some of the discrepancies would seem to instantly rule you out.

        Particularly your curiosity for understanding anyone else’s experience with sociopaths and the immense pain, hell and whatever else we have all gone through because of it.

      5. “But he isn’t intuitive to situations, other peoples thoughts, wants and needs.”

        Actually, that’s what gives sociopaths the ability to manipulate and control people. Being able to determine their wants, needs and thoughts allows a sociopath to be the most charming and charismatic, the perfect soulmate, and to use all of those things against the person. Intuition is not the same as empathy.

        And, as far as the “textbook path”, it’s not surprising that I don’t fit that. You don’t really ever hear about “paths” like myself, because we don’t usually show it. Some people break addictions. It’s not easy, and there’s always the urge to go back to it. But those paths like myself, usually just blend into society and, aside from being successful and smart, never stand out as being different from the people around them.

      6. There is another sociopath who posts here (JK) he is diagnosed and says that he is disempathetic sociopath so he has limited empathy for those people close to him. he says that he tries to stay on the straight side but that it is not always easy.

      7. I guess my point is, intuition is not the right word, but matching and mirroring, rather. Reason being, intuition is feeling and energy based, and matching and mirroring is based on information, actions, behaviors etc. It isnt hard to become someones prince charming when you take good notes, get the feedback you want from situations to calculate your next move…but if its intuition you are going off of, it seems as though you would sense when something is wrong, too. Such as me deflecting my soc, through his relentless contact had responded to my words and perceived emotions, even though I was in full contact with his other woman and seething, disgusted and “done”. If he was intuitive instead of just matching and mirroring whatever bullshit information I was giving him, he would have had a pretty good idea that we took his game and spun it on him.

      8. In that case, we seem to be using the same word with different definitions. I gather information on everyone. Walking through the mall, I end up building mini profiles on everyone I see. It’s just how my brain works. I don’t use that information, just gather it. I could tell when a previous ex was upset simply by the way she’d word a text. She got fairly frustrated with me over that, because she could never pretend to be happy. I’d always pick up on her body language, and her wording, little changes in her mannerisms. That’s what I was describing as intuition. And no, I didn’t use those things against her. I could’ve, very easily. But I chose not to.

        And as far as your ex goes, there is such a strong desire to “win” in the Path, that they’ll deny losing and prolong the situation just to see if there’s any possible way they can change the outcome so they’re still on top. It’s not surprising that, after he’d been outed by both of you, he was still trying to pull something off.

      9. @ Nathan;

        “When you remove emotion from your thought process, you’re left with pure impulse, or simple logic. Most sociopaths choose impulse. It’s easier, and more “fun”. I use logic. I realize that, online, people can say whatever they want. I found this site by searching for more information on sociopaths, and decided to add my own personal experience. You can choose to accept it, or deny it as you wish. Some of us know how to control ourselves, and that’s all I was saying.”

        Pure impulse in no way is relative to simple logic when ONLY applied to spaths, thus this is yet another LIE you are wilfully attempting to spin. If you are a spath, and you think you are able to think in a logical way, then that DEFINITELY makes you the very BEST at your horrid craft.

        I realize that, online, people can say whatever they want. – And that is precisely what you are doing, so so what?

        I found this site by searching for more information on sociopaths, and decided to add my own personal experience. – You are looking in the wrong place if you are looking to find people just like you. You are a male spath, and a very good one at it you lying scoundrel.

        You can choose to accept it, or deny it as you wish. – LOL, you now I wish don’t you?

        Some of us know how to control ourselves, and that’s all I was saying. – P’s A you do.

        Now how easily did I find you to pick to bits?

      10. For starters, I was saying pure impulse and simple logic or completely different. Without emotion, you base your decisions on one of the two. So we are actually agreeing on that.

        I am an “spath”, and I am able to think logically. Not a contradiction.

        There was no attempt at being a “lying scoundrel”. I’ve been open and honest about myself. I understand that you’ve had some very bad experiences with spaths before. Lot’s of people have. If you have any questions about the mindset, I’ll answer them to the best of my ability.

    3. 1.) Do not engage a sociopath.

      2.) Do not believe a sociopath when he says he has a moral code. It’s YOUR moral code he is projecting in order to gain your sympathy and trust.

      3.) When a sociopath tells you he wants to help you understand him, he’s actually saying to himself, “If I gain their trust by seeming like a helper and a savior, I can learn more about what makes these non-sociopaths tick so I can be better at fooling and manipulating them.

      4.) Never praise a sociopath. All you’re doing is giving them an ego boost and acknowledging that they have succeeded in duping you.

      5.) use your powers and strengths of empathy and compassion to understand each other. We already know how sociopaths operate. They’re textbook, boring and predictable! Nothing more to learn from them.

      Namaste! XOXO

      1. Lol. I don’t know am not a sociopath!! …. I really have no clue about that one. Have only heard them playing victim, fake tears. Never really seen one healing,they are usually causing carnage, or faking to help someone else to heal (that was my experience anyway).

        Oh I just read that again. My comment meant from the victims point of view. Accepting it, moving on from it, letting it go.

      2. I’m in private groups, and it’s not easy for them to pose as victims unless they learn how to pose as victims by befriending us in the first place. I’m honestly against any type of engagement. I know you come from a very different approach and I respect that. I’ve just seen the carnage they leave behind on message boards and blogs and private FB groups because we THINK it’s manageable. I’d rather cut ’em off at the knees right from the start. 🙂

      3. Thats cool, as long as there isn’t bitching about it in ‘private groups’ and victims coming here and kicking off. I have enough on my head right now.:)

      4. Yes. Unfortunately that happens. I’ve removed myself from some groups because my anxiety has been elevated over nonsense and a sociopath. Hehe! As much as we want to think a private group is great, everything in moderation is best. Everything can be a trigger. 🙂

  14. I think it is really important to remember that those parts of the socio that you like, the parts that keep you coming back, that is the LIE and him/her FAKING a persona. The real them is the monster. They aren’t people who just need love and help to become a perfect partner. They are predators to run from. I also don’t find it helpful to think of them as having a mental illness (particularly as I work in mental health). People with a mental illness don’t deserve classification with socios because mental illnesses can be treated and socios just ARE, this is them, this is all the personality they have – qualities stolen from other people form the superficial persona and the rest of it is just abuse and game-playing made flesh. The parts of them that you like? That will be stuff they’ve nicked from previous victims – and if you have any doubt of that, stick around for long enough and you’ll hear your own words and qualities being trotted out for their next victim.

    1. You are right Karen, but I do think it is mental illness. I know when I had severe chronic PTSD, there were some similarities. The things that they do are crazy and against their own life. It does affect their family, friends, everything. I saw it as a mental illness, but one that there is no treatment for. The repeating patterns of behaviour, and just how destructive they are. If you watch they repeat the same thing over and over, like robots. Compare to other victims, it is like they all dated the same person. That to me, is in the brain. You are right though they play victim, these are not people who can be helped 😦

      1. Well it’s listed as a personality disorder in the DSM, and personality isn’t meant to be illness. It’s just how you are. Some sociopaths are incredibly successful and not destructive to their own lives, whilst others (like my ex) are destructive mostly to themselves – I think it all comes down to how well they can control certain aspects, like impulsiveness. My ex was extremely short-term in his thinking – and so has ended up wrecking his life. Other socios don’t do that – they are able to strategically plan long-term. They are also able to use extremely sophisticated ways of destroying people. Socios come in all ranges of intellect (even though they all THINK they are clever!) and range from those thrashing around at the bottom of the pile like my ex (limited range of behaviours, limited ability to control himself, little forward planning) to those at the top of big business and running countries, leaving a trail of destruction of their ‘enemies’ behind them because they are wily, strategic and change their strategies to suit their ends. Oh, when they show themselves, they all act the same. But the cleverest, most dangerous socios never show themselves in public, you’d never see them shouting and banging down doors. But they may well drive their victims to such behaviour. I count myself lucky to never have crossed one of these. Crossing a dumb one was bad enough 🙂

      2. Hi Karen,
        Unfortunately I got the high functioning one 😦
        I don’t think any of us get off lightly with a Sociopath 😦
        Have a look at http://www.psychopathyawareness.wordpress.com
        It has some excellent articles, I am reading about cognitive dissonance, & have noticed a few other people here might benefit from reading it as they are sea-sawing back & forth with the Sociopath in their life.
        Take Care, Be Happy & thanks for sharing 😉

      3. Tho me using the DSM is a bit of a cheat cos I don’t rate it – mainly because I think ‘mental illness’ is a medicalisation of human distress (bit of a Szasz and Laing fan). In the case of most people diagnosed, they are themselves distressed. In the case of socios it is the people around them who are distressed 😦

    2. I agree totally with you Karen, they are not mentally ill but, their brain wiring is askew to the rest of us including the mentally ill. I have heard the same words & qualities as you said, which was very confronting especially coming from the OW. Mine gave the same gifts, lines etc…the pattern was exact & he gleaned loads of info from me to use to charm the next & the next……..& on it goes!
      At least I educated him in good ways, as I have very good taste 🙂
      Except in Men obviously!
      LOL
      Thank you 🙂

  15. I just had a relapse myself. I’ve been putting off reading your blog because I have been so ashamed and embarrassed of my relapse. (So glad you used the word “relapse” as well, because that is exactly what it is.) I’ve been meaning to write my own blog post on my relapse but I haven’t really wanted to express what happened yet. This is my favorite post of yours because I can relate to almost every word you said. Thank you for sharing this. It’s nice to know (in a way) that even a person with strong knowledge of sociopath behavior can still slip into their traps and it’s not just me being weak.

    1. Thanks Virgo, that is why I wrote it. It is reality, and I know that many people go back. It is an addiction, and sometimes it can take a while to quit. Sometimes they make your life so difficult that it is easier to stay. Sometimes they promise to change, or you are lured back by remembering the good times. It’s a journey of recovery. And each time you do leave you get wiser next time around when they repeat exactly the same pattern again (and they will). Not if – but when.

  16. Why we learned only the “hard way”? He used me, now he says he doesn’t love me. I feel like a rag, but still wishing he will change.

    1. It’s like being on the end of an uncontrollable bungee cord you bounce back and forth, until one day you really wake up and sever the cord. You hit the ground with such force and its hard to recover but once you’ve finally cut that cord for good, life becomes amazing and you find yourself again…your real self (not the person you were manipulated in being) and realise how strong you are.
      You are a survivor 😉

    2. Hi Wish 😉
      Read up on cognitive dissonance there is a great article on psychopathyawarenesss.wordpress.com you might find it helpful?
      Your not alone,stay strong 🙂

    3. I am sorry that you are hurting Wish, but you are wishing for something that is not possible. Sociopaths do not change, because they follow the same patterns of behaviour over and over. They are impulsive and they therefore cease opportunities they are users taking what they want from people and using them as source of supply. They destroy people when they have had enough of him. You cannot change him – but you can change you!!

    4. Don’t believe anything he says even when it is an insult. They can’t be honest and they do not know how to have even a serious honest discussion about feelings. Something nice they told you, ises, compliments insults, nothing is true, it is only part of their attempt at manipulation and control of you. Be happy that it is over and do not take to heart any insults, they are about the spath not you. I know my spath has very low self esteem at the core and strives to make others feel bad trying to feel better.

      Both compliments and insults are lies. Whatever he says is whatever suits his agenda at the moment. Not about any real faults that you have. Also this person is not who you thought you were giving your love too. There are men out there that will not treat you t way. Don’t expect them to take things as romantically as fast and they will NEVER ask to borrow money. A man that tells you an unbelievable story about an emergency where he needs you to give him money is a red flag!!!! As soon as you hear this stop giving any information about funds or emotions. Get

  17. All of your stories make me feel like I’m not alone. I met a wonderful guy 2 months ago on a night out. We went on a first date and it felt like we were soul mates. As it progressed, I realised that I was cooking dinner for him, collecting him, driving him to work. He gave up smoking but then started “borrowing” mine. All the time. He maintained that he was very insecure and had no self confidence, but acted extremely cocky and arrogant.He always had to be right and if he had a point to make, he would literally not let up until I accepted or admitted defeat. It all culminated last Saturday over a ridiculous argument, and at the end he called me damaged goods and made me feel as small and insignificant as humanly possible… Is this a sociopath?

    1. Was he a compulsive pathological liar? Was he deceptive? Was he one thing whilst doing something absolutely different behind your back? Did he try to destroy you. Did you feel like you were owned and possessed and controlled? Was he very charming and charismatic?

  18. I lived with a sociopathic female for 11 depressive years of my life. I have walked away, but because we have children, not so forever can I.

    I have a brother who is an unconvicted rapist, he lies, he is not a man of his word, he has 5-sons who he has failed dismally to be a father to, and is also a selfish acoholic, the booze is his one and only vice, nothing else matters in his life than where his next drink comes from, am I describing a socio/psychopath here.

    I have a nephew who shows classical signs of being a SPATH. He is a PATHOLOGICAL LIAR, he is man NOT of his word, he physically and verbally abuses both his wife and six children, and he cares (and only in an ordinary fashion), only for and about one person in his life, HIMSELF.

    Until I met my nephew I failed to believe that spaths were genetically engineered to be so. However I do now believe differently, because his very own father is a spath, and who knows, maybe even his father was before him, and so on down the line.

    My ex suffered horrible abuse of her at the hands of her father primarily, mind you her mother failed to prevent such type of abuse of at all, oddly or maybe even correctly, she HATES her mother, and LOVES her father.

    Her father was and probably still is a woman basher, both physically and emotionally. He said a few things when in my presence that confirmed my ex’s story of him.

    Is it possible that my ex’s father is also a spath? He lies to his wife whenever she asks where he has been for too long at time, he was unfaithful to her in that he slept with her sister, he is a cheat, he sexually abused at least three of his 5 children when they were children, and his unhealthy vice is gambling, which btw was and still is my ex’s vice too.

    I have ranted for way too long now, so I will such here. I look forward in advance to any or all replys to this comment, and thank you.

  19. I’m sorry I failed to address the post didn’t I? I have read this article before, and on that occasion I was informed that it was spoken of on behalf of and not by a sociopath.

    My ex fails to acknowledge that she is a sociopath, and given that she is female, until conviced of being otherwise by one or multiple others of this type, then I am unable to believe that this is a factual account given by an actual sociopath, I’m sorry, but that’s the way I look at it, and so will be.

  20. Nathan, Its nice to have you on here. Mostly because I think there would be a handfull of us who would love the chance to pick the brain of a sociopath. And, its nothing personal against you (for me anyway) but rather just hits close to home with most of our situations. But, if you feel comfortable talking about it, there are a few things I am curious of.

    First, i understand you say you respect a code of conduct and keep other peoples feelings in consideration. So, excuse me if this is a ridiculous question. But, do you ever cry? Do you ever feel sadness? Has anyone ever hurt you so much, to your core, that you want to run away and escape this pain, but find out that even when you stop running, its still with you?

    Has anyone ever betrayed you so deeply, where you looked them in the eye and honest to God trusted them, not out of “naivety” but out of believing they were who they said they were, and then find out that they simply are not that? And again, not because you warped them to be something else in your own head, but because they actually lead you to believe, confirmed you to believe and TOLD you to believe a different set of circumstances?

    Have you ever been so shattered to the center if your being, by another human being, that you needed help from anyone at all who would listen, to talk you off a ledge of depression, pain and misery?

    Or, more directly, has anyone else ever pulled your shit on you? pulled the rug out from underneath you? left you empty handed and bewildered? Has anyone ever fooled you and made you believe the right choice is simply never to connect or trust again?

    Just curious.

  21. You can NEVER trust a Sociopath! Not ever!

    I whole heartedly agree, albeit I am too slowly learning this the hard way lol.

    And btw, my spath nephew’s name was NATHAN, he now goes by the name of Nate, lol, but way too LATE!!!

  22. @ Nathan – You typed/said this about you and others just like you.

    Full sociopaths have a keen understanding of logic, even when it comes to self analysis.

    I’ve got BAD news for you, spaths are considered to be illogical thinkers ONLY, you are a very very very MENTALLY ILL individual, however, if you sincerely believe yourself to be a logical thinking person, you CAN’T be a spath at all.

    1. I think Sociopaths have very good minds. They are intelligent. But they do things which are really illogical, repeating patterns of behaviour over and over. Even though the outcome is the same. …. insanity – repeating the same thing over and expecting different results! 🙂

      1. When you remove emotion from your thought process, you’re left with pure impulse, or simple logic. Most sociopaths choose impulse. It’s easier, and more “fun”. I use logic. I realize that, online, people can say whatever they want. I found this site by searching for more information on sociopaths, and decided to add my own personal experience. You can choose to accept it, or deny it as you wish. Some of us know how to control ourselves, and that’s all I was saying.

      2. I think a wrote a post on this somewhere, about the thinking when there is no emotion. Emotions can hold people back, as they are focused on how they feel. Sociopaths (almost always) exploit others emotions, because they can. (or at least the ones that I have met have.

        DId you always know that you were a sociopath – or have some idea?

      3. Hi Positiva,
        I think Nathan is just playing mind games with us, just my opinion.
        I don’t want to play.
        None of us would be here looking for support if it wasn’t for a Sociopath so, I am not interested in his insights as there is plenty of info on it elsewhere.

      4. I’ve known for a very long time that I was different. My parents had no idea how to raise me, or talk to me when I was little. When my dad would yell at me, I’d give him a blank stare and not say anything. He tried many different way to “crack” me, and force me to lose control and who emotions. I didn’t feel anything though, and so I didn’t show anything.

        And Pheonix, if you don’t wish to speak to me, that’s your own choice. I won’t try and force conversation on you.

      5. And its a little unusual to hear that someone was attempting to “Crack” you and get you to “lose control”, yet you felt nothing. Once you know how a soc works, its quite easy to get them to freak out. The mask always slips at some point or another. And when it slips, usually rage is felt or shown. At least, thats been my impression of it.

      6. As I’ve said, there are different kinds of sociopaths. Impulse paths are prone to rage fits and tantrums. I’ve NEVER been that person. I have a spike of anger, that I analyze fairly quickly and discard it if it’s at all irrational. Most of the time, I never even change my expression when I experience them.

      7. I have experienced 2 people that I have had to deal with who show definite sociopath behavior. 1 is educated and appears to have intelligence and the other one is uneducated and appears to have really good skills in cunning, but if he were intelligent he would be able to respond better to my questions about detail inconsistencies. Instead he vanishes off the radar during a supposed emergency instead of confirming a simple fact. Then when he pops back up, now it is a comment like “you are wasting time just do what I told you or forget it all and lose my number”. Oops seems like he wasn’t able to continue his game due to failure of intelligence.

    2. I find it hard to believe “impulse” is not at all related to an emotional process. Maybe its an inconsiderate emotional process, but there has to be some sort of feeling, aside from logic that makes an impulsive decision…because if it was all just logic, could we call it impulsive? Impulse to self-serve or instant gratification…gratifying how? It just seems to me that if they do not have these emotions, how can they crave certain things? Even if it is just a sex addict moving from partner to partner for their own personal enjoyment…doesnt it make them “feel good” to have that conquer? Just thinking out loud here…

      1. Posted this higher up, but I think it’s an answer to your questions.

        Most sociopaths, and I really do mean 99%, are unable to focus on anything except their ability to get what they want in every situation they’re in. They have enough logic and intuition to assess a situation, and determine how to use it to their immediate advantage. But.. this kind of gets down to some of the root issues of being a sociopath.

        Boredom. Pure utter boredom. Without emotions, life is simply existence. We’re constantly looking for something to give us that “rush” that makes you feel alive. Finding someone who can challenge you, on a mental level, or a situation that requires your full undivided attention, these are the things that make a sociopath feel alive. Impulse “paths” find that rush from manipulating people around them, and controlling people and situations. They have no inhibitions, and see no reason not to control themselves. Logic “paths” see the self destruction at the end of the Impulse’s choices, and avoid that as much as possible. We’re still bored, but unwilling to destroy ourselves for that brief rush.

      2. Sorry for playing 20 questions or devils advocate. Just a lot I’ve wanted to clear up. I appreciate it!

      3. There’s no need for you to apologize. I volunteered myself to be interrogated.

  23. As I’ve said, there are different kinds of sociopaths – a LIE told by you know now who.

    Impulse paths are prone to rage fits and tantrums. This is more true about male spaths than females, so again you are incurate, thus this is another LIE you have told.

    I’ve NEVER been that person. Regardless of whether you have or not, males are naturally wired to defend themselves both physically and mentally if needs be, so for a third time now I have exposed yet another LIE of yours.

    I thought you was good, but no such word can, and will ever; be said of you I’m afraid for you, and happy for myself to say.

    Now you PSYCHOPATH, take me on for a change, because well equipped to WHIP you I am!!!

    1. There is no “taking you on”. I’m not here to argue, or debate with you. Anyone reading through my comments can discern for themselves if I’ve been telling the truth, or trying to be misleading. And you haven’t pointed out any lies, which leaves me with the conclusion that you’re attempting to troll me or provoke an emotional response. Further replies would be a waste of time and effort on my part.

      1. @ Nathan – There is no “taking you on”. I’m not here to argue, or debate with you. Anyone reading through my comments can discern for themselves if I’ve been telling the truth, or trying to be misleading. And you haven’t pointed out any lies, which leaves me with the conclusion that you’re attempting to troll me or provoke an emotional response. Further replies would be a waste of time and effort on my part.

        LMAO, you are GUILTY AS CHARGED THEN, because this is the NATURAL reaction of a psychopath believe me if you care to. There is only one person between us who is trolling on here, and you will find him when you next look in a mirror at, and yes I know, you fail to own such a thing do you?

  24. @ Nathan – You have read me wrongly chump, and you very well know it don’t you? I am a psycho analyser you see, and have been employed in this way for 46-years-plus.

    Correct you LIAR, it takes very little time for me to know what I am looking for in people, and in you you invited me to look and touch, and HAPPILY accommodate you I have, and will continue to if you continue to allow me to, and you will will you?

  25. If anyone else has any serious questions of me, please post them in Reply to me, and I’ll address them. I choose not to pollute this with name calling and accusations. If you choose to believe the worst about me, that’s your choice, but it shouldn’t consume the conversations of people who take this matter seriously.

    1. Nathan I aksed this ne before with no reply, if you don’t mind me asking…………have you ever in your life come anywhere close to feeling what you percieve as ‘love’ was there ever anyone special in your life whith whom you could be yourself,,,,,and if so, please could you explain how it felt ‘ from your own thoughts and feelings’,,,,, many thanks

      1. Before I answer this, understand that I’m talking about extremely rare instances. This isn’t something that happens regularly at all, and it’s even more rare with the impulse paths. But yes, sociopaths can develop very strong attachment and commitment to a person. It’s a form a love, but not the way that normal people see it. I’ve only experienced it once. It tends to be very fragile though when it happens. She broke up with me because she was scared at how fast I was able to bypass her guardedness. After that initial breakup, I never felt the same way about her. If it’s tended to, it can develop into a very strong connection. But sociopaths will see all your faults, all your flaws. Lying to a path is kind of pointless. However, due to the extreme likelihood that sociopaths will just be using you, I would say it’s probably safer to assume that they never fall in love.

      2. @ Nathan

        If anyone else has any serious questions of me, please post them in Reply to me, and I’ll address them. I choose not to pollute this with name calling and accusations. If you choose to believe the worst about me, that’s your choice, but it shouldn’t consume the conversations of people who take this matter seriously.

        Well said you admitted to already being… SPATH!!!

        Why would, or even should; victims of your type; now stand up and listen to you in any particular way as being a so called nicer one of them all (classical male spath behavior displayed by you again)?

        You are a classic SPATH, you are now looking exclusively for sympathy, and are rightfully so not getting it.

        You are a human COBRA, you will dance to any tune that you know you will benefit from RIGHT? And by the way, you are a SNAKE IN THE GRASS of any kind.

        I’m a male, and read you like a brotherly book I can, and now have. You shouldn’t be allowed on this site because it is YOU that POLLUTES it. Male spaths HATE confrontation from the same sex as, they COWARDLY target the weak and vulerable i.e. females, and of no particular age, they would even steal baby food out of it’s mouth in order to be fed first, RIGHT again SPATH, that is what you DO!!!

        If I was to be found in your neck of the woods you know what I would do to you don’t you? What you NEED to understand spath is that whatever he/she “says about of others” is in fact 100% found in him-her/self alone.

        I am a male, and the only male type who REFUSES to fight me back in any way is? LMAO, you got lucky with your so called logical thinking answer again didn’t you?

      3. I gave you my email Roy. It’s got my name on it. I’m not avoiding anything, I just think that everyone else here should be spared your rude and excessive behavior.

  26. Honestly, I feel sorry for Sociopaths…even though I would never let them know that. I dont think having the ability of feeling any real or sincerely honest and true emotions would be “liberating” but extremely lonely and meaningless. I wish there was a medication or cure to help these monsters of people.

    1. They are just empty shells, took mine back 5 days ago after a yr of being apart, he was in jail, already seen 2 flags OOPS, he gotta go,, if I start feeling uneasy he gotta go. Hes assesing and seducing better to get rid of him before he games and ruins.. Now he will get the rug pulled out from out outta him, Im so happy for this site it made me really look for the red flags. f

    2. It’s true. There’s almost no chance of a sociopath ever ending up happy. Excited by a challenge, or a rival maybe, but that will quickly fade leaving them in the same state they were in before.

      1. Then you know what to expect. Once he’s assured himself that he still has control over you, and that, no matter what he does, he can always get you back, he will leave again. He will never return to you permanently. It’s simply reassuring himself that he’s “still got it”.

  27. @ Luxia Newmar.

    Honestly, I feel sorry for Sociopaths…even though I would never let them know that. I dont think having the ability of feeling any real or sincerely honest and true emotions would be “liberating” but extremely lonely and meaningless. I wish there was a medication or cure to help these monsters of people.

    There are a handful of religious denominations who think, and who knows; maybe rightfully so. that SPATHS of either gender were sent to Earth by the DEVIL to do His DIRTY work. If true, and logically; up until now, I have been unable to dispute this belief, then feeling sorry for them is their ruse to taking you down, and to the depths of HELL just where they themselves have come from, and will no doubt return to when there time is done here.

    If you are of the DEVIL, then the things that supposedly are found lacking in your character are normal to. Godly creatures are the only one’s who are able to enjoy sincere emotions, Devilish creatures are unable to do so because it would go against there inheritance, as well as their faith in Him.

    If of the DEVIL, then 100% BAD is what you are.

    If of God, then 85% GOOD is what you are.

    If of God, and you are on a higher plain than just being good, then 13% is what you are.

    If of God, and you are on the HIGHEST plain as then 2% is what you are.

    Correct, their are significantly more devilish peopel in this world than there are angels, however being out numbered in this way is not at all bad, because if it was, then more angels would be sent here to balance the ledger, you see, BAD has a rotten smell, and it becomes very distinctive when you have built up your immunity to it.

    Nathan is seeking pity, he craves it as if in a Godly way, however, because the Devil put him here, it will be the Devil that ends his ROT here. Don’t be fooled by his light, as it is mere reflection of some others healthy light instead of.

  28. @ Nathan

    I gave you my email Roy. It’s got my name on it. I’m not avoiding anything, I just think that everyone else here should be spared your rude and excessive behavior.

    Yet another classical fob off by you of me. Apart from your BAD self Nathan, nobody else on here agrees with you, and do you know why that it? Yes of course you DON’T!!!

    Pheonix Rising said this about you on – July 23, 2013 at 3:54 am

    Hi Positiva,

    I think Nathan is just playing mind games with us, just my opinion.
    I don’t want to play.
    None of us would be here looking for support if it wasn’t for a Sociopath so, I am not interested in his insights as there is plenty of info on it elsewhere.

    You see you EVIL spath, I have not been alone in quickly being able to understand why you are here. The DEVIL sent, and ultimately it will be a Godly person on here who get rid of your, and I agree with you, the sooner that happens the better it will be for us, LOL, but not you.

    1. Hey, if you’re just going to openly rip someone apart and degrade them can you maybe do it privately in an email? These forums and blogs are for support and moving in a positive direction in life, not degrading and “hate bombing” someone else. Sociopath or not, everyone on this planet is deserving of common decency and respect. And if you are so disgusted and disturbed by it, you can simply not reply. Consider the “no contact” rule, maybe?

      1. I didn’t come here to read rubbish from a SOCIOPATH !! its the last thing I want to read!

      2. I know how you feel Tina, however, the damage has already been done, as he has lured us into his web. I know a RAT when I smell one, I had 13-years of it before I allowed her to leave me for the last time, this spath however is a male spath, and one although I have met similarly before, definitely not in the same way as.

        He attracted himself to me, and because I know what to expect with him, it is me and not him who really owns the web he in fact attempted to steal from me. While ever he is here, so too will I be, because in a sadistic way I enjoy playing with him as much as he enjoys playing with the female prey now of his on here.

        He’s a RAT fullstop, and he will never be anything but, because he was BORN in such way as.

        And btw Tina, your name is spelt Teena as well, which is the Godly one and which is the Devilish one do you think? Your name is Godly did I hear you say? Correct you are young lady, correct you are. The abuser of me was Teena (it is the ODD one out, and if odd then WRONG also), what a remarkable coinsidence that is agreed?

        Just as coincidental is the fact that I have a male nephew who is a spath, and yes of all things his name is NATHAN too.

    2. It’s your choice to believe what you want of me. And you can slander me all you want. It makes no difference to me. To Gaslighted, and Positivagirl, if you have any more questions or information you want from me, my email is nathanadamo@yahoo.com. I know the claim will be made that this is another clever ruse to lure you into a trap. If you feel that way, don’t email me. Simple enough. As for Roy, I happen to be a Christian, which is the basis for my moral code. If God hadn’t given me constant guidance, I doubt I would be anything different than an impulse path. But He has, and I’m saved through His grace alone. Just thought I’d let you know.

      1. Hi Nathan, thank you for your posts. I think I understand better now about impulse and logic paths that you talked about. So it’s actually impulse or logic, “emotion” or “illogical” sociopath behavior is actually impulse caused. I have a few questions if you would still like to answer. Do you prefer to be in the company of sociopaths like yourself or people who are not sociopaths? When you say that you control well the bad impulses, which kind of impulses in your case, is it the impulse to be dishonest, to lie, to disrespect, impulse to addiction, if so to what kind of addictions? Also, are any of your parents sociopaths as well?

      2. The only reason I would want to spend time with another sociopath, would be the challenge involved in seeing if I could out think them. As I stated, my ex was also a sociopath. She was constantly trying to play mind games with me, and would get angry when I would call her out.

        The “rush” a sociopath gets from manipulating people, or exercising control over them, is the closest feeling to being “alive” that a sociopath gets. It’s like a powerful drug. It’s addicting. I even go through mental “withdrawals” on a regular basis. But I know that it’s not worth it in the long run.

        No, neither of my parents are sociopaths. They’ve been married for 28 going on 29 years, and are still very happy together.

  29. Shocked at this whole page- and that you broke the cardinal rule of NO CONTACT after all your preaching to us victims. And shocked at some of the other stuff on here – its triggered me !! Probably never coming back here AGAIN! TOTALLY DISGUSTED!

    1. I’m sorry darling, if it was anything I typed here, then sincerely I now apologise to you, In saying that, IT has triggered me too, and who’s exclusive fault is that I wonder, his ALONE only? He shouldn’t be allowed to further comment, but he is, and while ever his messages come to my email account, then respond to them in which way I will continue to I can assure both him and you.

    2. Triggered? By what?

      This site says ‘the truth will set you free’ I write the truth. i don’t mind if sociopaths write here. If you want a sociopath bashing, hating website, there are plenty of them out there.

      Personally I think that knowledge truth and understanding will set you free.

  30. Girl, I’m so sorry you’ve been suffering.
    @Nathan
    Thank you for your honesty and insight. I found nothing inflammatory in any of your comments. In fact, you have been a fine example of your Faith.
    m<3

    @ Roy- “Beware that, when fighting monsters, you yourself do not become a monster… for when you gaze long into the abyss. The abyss gazes also into you.”
    ― Friedrich Nietzsche

    1. Thank you. If you have any questions, let me know. But also, there’s no need to say those things to Roy though. He’s doing what he believes to be right. Too many people these days are afraid to take a stand on anything.

    2. There are many distinct differences between female and male spaths. My ex was a female spath, she fed me healthily so as to ensure the that received maximum benefit from me before it turned to crap.

      The male spath never feeds you healthily because all he has to offer is crap fullstop.

      I have a nephew who is a spath. On three separate occasions now he has borrowed $2000, $3000, and $3400, true he thinks I’m his bank, so how you think he reacted towards me when I said that the last two loans were way over due, and that until he paid them back to me I would no longer be his bank?

      The psycho went troppo, and instead of taking it out on himself or me, he instead chose to punish his children in that he now tells his mother that he no longer wishes for me to have anything to do with them, and naturally I was, and still am, furious; because of ALL my family members; I am the only one that NEVER abuses them in any way whatsoever..

      Only a psychopath would react this way, because males of will NEVER challenge in any way males that are not of. His name is of course NATHAN!!!

      If Nathan here is to be believed, then quite simply he cannot be a spath. We are programmed in such a way that we relate to one another in a spath way, however, you know if you are a spath or not by being able to understand right from wrong, and live your life more in a right way than wrong.

      The key elements of a spath are these, it will only sincerely, and in selfish way, care about one person in life, itself.

      It is a pathological liar, even to itself, it does this by avoiding reflections of itself in a mirror, because it does know that it’s life experience is unhappily led, and live with itself it is able to because of only.

      It will have more than one unhealthy vice (my ex is a gambler, a drug user, a cigarette consumer, a sex addict/promiscuous (she proudly will tell you, even if you didn’t wish to be told as much; that she is bi-sexual, and prefers having sex with her own kind rather than the opposite), a don’t care to be obese woman, a heavy drinker/bordering on being a alcoholic, and a mother who exclusively puts her own wants/needs before the safety of her children.

      Female spaths eat you from the inside out, they attack your heart first, and when they are done, they leave it in an almost irreparable state of being. It is a near death experience that they ultimately mentally scar you with (in this instance at least this was my own personal experience).

      Male spaths eat you from the outside in. And because of this, they know that when your heart is exposed, then gently massage it they will until you can just about take it no more.

      Male spaths operate differently to female spaths in that HE will always look back over his shoulder at you, eagerly awaiting your repair so he can weasel his way back into your life again.

      Female spaths don’t look back over their shoulders, as soon as they are done with you, then quickly onto their next victim they move. They will only reacquaint with past victims if they sense that there is again something of relevance they can STEAL from you (this happened to me at least times before my relationship ended with her).

      The one key element that both types of spaths share; is that they both know how to identify with a person who genuinely is LOVING/LOVABLE by nature, as it is the one thing that they both desire to be but NEVER will be able to.

      1. I don’t see why Nathan isn’t a sociopath Roy. Sociopaths can be helpful, for no other reason than to fulfil their own ego and narcisstic supply.

      2. Utter Nutter go away.
        Negative,negative,negative.
        I will not respond so,don’t bother trying your tricks!

      3. LOL, I’m a nutter no? Correct, you tried to project yourself on to me, and I have thrown it back from once it came, and to it’s rightful owner… YOU!!!

        It’s said that being spoken of as a champion is one thing (POSITIVA is a champion only of this site), but being spoken of as an angel, well that is a dead set wrong thing to do, and in due course you forked tongue daughter of Lucifer you will find this out for yourself.

      4. Remember trc who I had to block. Well, Roy is trc using a different IP, (But the same email that he sent me rants from) so he is blocked! 🙂

      5. So is he mentally ill, a sociopath in disguise or just a troll looking for attention?

      6. I think he is more than a troll looking for attention. However, I can’t really comment on his mental health. The facts are, came here, posing as a victim, then started attacking posters. So was blocked (after a warning by email). I blocked his IP address. So, he started to log in at college.Again, posing as a victim, only to change and then start posting similar hatred. Those are the facts, I will leave the conclusions to you 🙂

      7. Just out of curiosity, was there a particular poster that set him off the first time, and was it a sociopath?

      8. I can’t remember to be honest. He just changed from victim needing to support to ranting about how all sociopaths had been sexually abused in childhood. Was very strange.

      9. He seemed to be accusing me of a lot of the things he was trying. Claiming I was on here looking for pity, when he was the one saying he’d had 3 different sociopaths take advantage of him for years. I’m more inclined to think he’s a sociopath, trying to play his “game” on here, and that my arrival to the forum threatened him in some way, which is why he attacked me.

      10. It takes a monster of superior kind to identify with same type as, but of inferior kind, however, on this occasion my being a monster of the former kind is no longer required of me to now be.

  31. I have to add that …yes.we have all been involved with disordered people, the ones who are/were in our lives right up close to us physically and mentally. Yes they all have a lot of the same traits. We all know that by now!
    We also know there are lots of sites we can read, others we can join for support, etc.

    I have been reading the above posts too.

    we have one who claims openly to be a sociopath, and whether or not we believe his answers,,,,if they help some poeple to understand better,,,then I see nothing wrong with it. He has not in my opinion (from an outside view) berated, abused, or sidetracked anyone who wishes to read his answers, either with verbal abuse,,or sickly talk, only answered as he sees it himself.

    We also have another one who claims to be trained in psychology, and who seems to think that words such as ‘my love’ ‘my darling’ etc should be used to address people who have already been manipulated into oblivion, and says openly that he is a man, and women are weak …..My sociopath speaks to me in this way ALL the time…..sickly.

    Also, not everyone is religious, we are not on this site to discuss God and Satan, neither of the two were ever proven to be human beings, and therefore should be left out of this!

    As for triggering, we all have the choice to turn our computers off.

  32. I need to ask a question with the relationship I was in. I know without a doubt that he is a Sociopath.
    He did borrow money but seemed to pay me back sometimes leaving himself w/o $. Although he didn’t have a need for $ at the time due to me taking care of him and where he was staying working (sober living/rehab)
    He would use mind games for me to yet again borrow $. Ruin my b’days total of 5 in a row. But then after he ruined it he would buy expensive gift (I just wanted him).
    Was this just all a part of his “game” and “Control”?

    1. I can tell you right now, the birthday ruining was absolutely a mind game. He’d ruin your birthday, a very important day for you, and then give you a gift to “make up” for it. He was simply testing you, to see how much you were under his control. The fact that he was able to get away with it 5 times in a row, means that, not only were you under his control, but also he KNEW it, and relished “yanking your leash” on a regular basis. The money was probably the same basic “game”.

    2. Hi Kat, yes…. by buying you gifts he was luring you back in, and leading you to believe that he has ‘changed’ is becoming the person you wanted. Although the one that I was with, was parasidic and the most tight person I have ever dated.

      Don’t be confused by these opposing actions. It was absolutely part of the game he was playing, to lure you in and once again control you!

  33. @Nathan….. Thank you SO much for your honesty. I worked on keeping him away this year until “he changed first”. The past month he has been working on me hard with getting a great job, going to make a ton of money, take care of me for the rest of my life, etc etc. He told me he had a job offer out of the country and we had such little time before he left. How he didn’t want to take it if it affected us.
    I ended up seeing him after 6 weeks. I will leave out all the details because I am sure you know the game.
    Ended up ripping my heart out with his lies. Then taping my breakdown and sending it to me like I was the one who was wrong. A girl was texting him and I caught it after he swore to me he had NO contact at all with any girl. Then he blamed me why he was because I wasn’t given him what he needed.
    I thank him for that morning (I made love to him the night before which killed me to let him after what he did to me) because I saw like a lighting bolt went through me that he has no conscience at ALL. How anyone can break someone heart like he did mine and not feel bad.
    Actually send me the video!! Because I was holding on to his backpack so he wouldn’t leave and would tell me the truth. I think he was trying to set me up.

    This site has helped me beyond belief. It finally gave me the answers I have been searching for.
    Why or how I could allow someone to do this to me. I am a smart, attractive, financially stable girl with great friends and family.
    That I allowed him to do to me what he has done and what he put in my life with his drug addiction and illegal actions is frightening to me!!

    1. Just understand one thing Kat. He will be back, and it will only be for one reason. To reassure himself that he still has control over you, and can still push all of your buttons that let him back in. He will say all of the right things, make all of the right promises, and probably even act like he’s been through some huge life changing event. It’s all just to see if he can get back into your head.

      My advice, don’t talk to him. Don’t acknowledge his existence. But, don’t hide from him. If you hide, he knows you’re weak, and it just makes it more challenging and exciting for him. If you think or act like you can talk to him and not let him back in, it just makes it easier for him. Don’t read his messages, don’t answer the phone if it’s him. If someone else asks you about him, a mutual friend, he’s probably using them to get information about you. Don’t talk about him, and be careful with what you say about yourself. He’ll literally be looking for any “chink” in your armor to exploit. It’s not going to be easy. Once he realizes that you’re ignoring him, he’ll probably get a friend to tell you how depressed he is because you won’t speak to him, complete with talking about suicide, and nothing worth living for because you’re the love of his life. Just be ready for that, and know that it’s all part of his “game”.

      1. If you have any more questions, just ask on here or send me an email.

        Also, if you want me to analyze him further, send a link to his facebook, or just write a detailed description of him, looks and personality. I’ll see what I can come up with.

      2. Nathan, can you stop offering people here to email you. I don’t mind you commenting. But offering your email address and private consultation isn’t needed. Thanks 🙂

      3. But I do agree, that you do have the ability to check out people like some secret spy. Its a spooky thing really. But one other thing that we do know is that sociopaths are manipulative and deceptive, pathological liars too. I don’t mind you commenting on posts, but please don’t offer people to email you, if that is ok? Thanks 🙂 Just be out in the open and above board. I ask that for the safety of people who use this site.

        Expecting sociopaths to not read here, or comment (there are lots that do) – is not realistic.

      4. I have written about all of this. What do you think though about why you all behave the same like robots, all acting the same, following the same pattern of behaviour. How is that possible? Where is the freedom? The individuality if you are all the same? I don’t mind you posting comments here (as I haven’t other sociopaths) as long as you open and respectful to other people here. I would prefer that than a sociopath posting here posing as a victim…. that is far more dangerous.

      5. Understood. I’m also considering refraining from posting anymore, as some people are obviously, and understandably bothered by my presence here.

      6. You are ok Nathan. I don’t have a problem with it. Just keep it on here, and not by personal email. You are not the first sociopath to post here (not even the first today, others are on other posts). I believe in the truth. And as long as you don’t cause trouble and speak the truth that is fine by me. This site is called ‘dating a sociopath’ not I hate all sociopaths 🙂

      7. The reason sociopaths are almost unanimously the same in actions is actually quite simple. People with strong emotions are driven by their emotions. Love.. power.. money.. fame. They seek those out, in their different ways.

        Sociopaths are all driven by the same thing. When someone steps out and challenges us, on a mental level, it’s pure adrenaline and excitement. The easiest way to find that “rush” is by seducing someone. Since sociopaths don’t understand Love, it’s the challenge of simulating it, over and over again. Different people expect Love to take different shapes. So each girl you meet is an opportunity to try and create something you’ve never seen or felt before. It’s like playing a game, that you don’t know the rules too. You have to learn a new set of rules with each girl. Once you know those rules, you always win that game. There’s no thrill anymore, so you move to the next “game” to play it, until you win.

      8. Wow, good answer, and it makes sense too. I have heard that sociopaths find Borderlines very difficult to handle as their emotions are so changeable. Challenging but very difficult both are dramatic. I guess that answer shows why so many are unfaithful, they can’t tolerate boredom. I hated being ‘seduced’ I found it really creepy, and also really obvious. Like some cheesy guy from the 1970s walking in with a rose in his mouth. I guess sociopaths like the challenge of the chase.

      9. Just remember one thing Kat. He will be back, and it will only be for one reason, and NO it won’t be this one: “To reassure himself that he still has control over you”, it will only be because he thinks you will shelter him again.

        For pete’s sake Nathan I know you aren’t a spath already, but you still carry on here as if you are an expert when quite clearly you are no such thing.

        He will hang around for as long you allow him to, it’s has nothing to with power of control over you, because when the time is ripe to do so, he will simply walk away from you, and who knows, maybe forever as you so wish for it to be true?

        Power/control only exists between two like unhealthily minded people, and not one over the other.

        @ Nathan
        He will say all of the right things, make all of the right promises

        What right things exactly will he say?

        All of what right promises will he make?

        You see Nathan how deluded you are in thinking that you are something that you prefer to be but are not? You have spent too much time here already, and quite honestly, MALE spaths don’t operate in the same way that you do, and for bad reason.

        This place would expose them, and although one or three of us here have questioned you re you merits of being a spath, I for one am no longer able to.

  34. @Nathan……as much as I would love to know about him I don’t think it will suit my needs right now. I would think if I still could be with him and I cannot as he has not and will not change as much as I would love that.
    I thought he truly was the love of my life and visa versa.
    Just any input into the mind of why Sociopaths do what they do.
    Just today I drove randomly down a road that I saw him sitting parked at his therapist. I actually was suppose to go with him. He can sound so humble and own what he has done. I have heard him own it. He does it in a way that makes you feel badly for him.
    He’s made up girls and FB accounts with girls to make me jealous. Now he truly has girls. When he made them up he didn’t have a car. Now he does and pretends he has it all together and is starting his own security business and is actually charming enough to have real people think he’s the best!!
    It’s so hard!! He lost everything due to his drug use. I put him in rehab and was the only one there for him (everyone distanced themselves from him after his arrest for shop lifting….twice!!) He was a Sgt with the Sheriff’s dept. Got fired but was able to retire. He’s in his late 40’s and it’s easy for him to get girls because he is tall and good looking and seems to be SO sweet.

    1. Kat, stop deluding yourself. He is deliberately feeding you this. Its all rubbish. Just as the sociopath creates a mask of illusion in the relationship they do the same after you have split. Its all mind games as far as they are concerned. As long as you watch what he is doing, you are still playing the game (they love the attention too)

      1. As I’ve stated before, he is simply trying to reassure himself that he has you under his control. If you give him any leeway, he’ll come back to you, but only until he gets bored again. Which he will, because once he has you back, the challenge is no longer present.

        You really need to understand that sociopaths can, in a very short amount of time, learn enough about you so that they know what to do or say to get passed your guard. The fact that your resisting him just puts you higher on his “target” list. And trust me, he’ll know if you’re still checking up on him. And with that knowledge, comes the certainty that he can get you back if he plays your “game” long enough.

  35. Positivagirl……Do you realize how important and helpful this site is for people like me. I’ve been searching for how and why I could have done this to my life!!!
    I needed answers to why I did this. This site has provided it to me.
    I am beyond thankful!!

  36. oh also ‘Dating a Sociopath – a site for recovery and healing” WHAT A LOAD OF RUBBISH! You should hang you head in shame.

    1. If you have nothing nice to say then move on!
      I will not respond so, don’t bother with a comeback.
      Negative,Negative,Negative!

      1. There has GOT to be a block function on this site…

        and yeah, it is for recovery and healing, not madness and hysteria. Wrong blog, Tina!

  37. Nathan

    I have always been confused as to whether mine actually went on a mission to crucify me just for the hell of it. Right from the start I would get texts which I knew were not meant for me, but he always had an explanation which I couldn’t argue with.
    He often said things to me which didn’t refer to me eg: have you cut your hair again? when I hadn’t but I knew his other interest had.

    Is it normal to obliviously be totally mixed up with which person you are actually talking to, or is it likely that those things are done deliberately to cause confusion?, this happens to me almost every day with him,,,, far too many times to be co-incidences.Even repeating an unbelievable explanation over and over when he knows I didn’t believe it the first time. I mean, why not think of a different excuse!

    And also he is now going through the ‘leaving me alone’ for two or three days again and coming back as though it didn’t happen, and with a stupid excuse……..gaming? or literally just becaus e he has other things to occupy him and can do without me for a while?

    1. YES the leaving you alone for a few days then coming back is absolutely a game. It is to control you. So that you wonder what is going on. You feel like he has abandoned you which makes you feel bad (if you feel that way) – personally (we split more than a year ago -just had a battle after that),…. so when he left i was relieved more than anything.

      It is all a game with him. Waiting for you to break down, or contact him. Why not use this time to rebuild you, to move on from him?

      1. Hi Dorena,
        As Positiva said, stop letting him play the mind games & sever the heart connection & set yourself free 😉
        Be Brave, there is a better life beyond the Sociopath’s grasp 🙂
        Take care,
        PR x

    2. From your description of his actions, I’d say he was bored and decided to see how much he could get away with. Sounds like he wasn’t even trying to hide it, because you weren’t giving him any reasons to be discreet. He’ll keep pushing the boundaries as far as you let him.

      My question for you is this, knowing he’s a sociopath, and that he’s only using you, why are you letting him come back?

      1. Nathan I stay with him becasue i fell deeply in love with him, try to understand him, and have tried for the last two years to understand/beleive thaqt he does theses things becasue of a deep insecurity, . I have forgiven so musch, let so many things go, tried to do it to show I am loyal to him,,,,,adn yes,I am addicted to him, very probably to the point of Stockholm syndrome.
        I have had, and let slip so much pain, adn I am scared to death of the pain I know I will feel when I let him go.
        I can’t be any more honest than that.

      2. @Dorena,
        I’m going to be blunt and honest and logical with you. You can feel a lot of pain and leave him now, or you can feel even MORE pain and stay with him until he gets bored and leaves, which will absolutely crush you.

  38. WOW Positiva, you deserve some respite so, take a break from all of this & get into your own healing. I think people sometimes forget that you have been traumatised & are only blogging to help & understand & learn.
    I appreciate all your comments & am aware you yourself are on a healing journey from an evil Sociopath 😦
    We support you & I for one am grateful I found you but, look after yourself. You are number one & we want to lift you up not crush you 😦
    Get some well earned rest & take a break from all this.

    Love & gratitude always to you 😉
    PR
    XOXO

    1. Just a bit of a tough time for me right now phoenix. Actually these comments do not make sense. Tina was attacking me calling me a fraud etc?? Duh, its a blog what is there to be fraudulent about?

      Its a tough time for me, as legal case surrounding my daughters death is just coming to an end (hopefully) which has brought up a lot (hence my lack of posting) It has really re-traumatised me. My brain and head is swimming with it right now. But…. this too will pass. PTSD its a pain to live with 😦

      1. OMG! Positiva you are truly amazing & don’t forget it 🙂
        I am here for you as you have been here for me & am sending you all my strength & love at this time 🙂
        You have made a big difference too me in my quest for answers & peace.
        Your friendship from afar has been inspiring 😉
        I hope you get some peace & I know your a wonderful mother in life & forever & always will be.
        Stay strong, we love you 🙂 Big sqeezy hug coming your way, remember to breathe like the healing exercises recommend.
        Your a survivor like me & you can do this 🙂 🙂
        PR
        xoxo

      2. You are lovely Pheonix, always so full of positive energy. You always bring so much help to people on this blog. Thank you for all of your time and energy, and especially recently as I haven’t been able to post as much. Thank you.

      3. Your Welcome 🙂
        Just take care of you please 🙂
        You’ve shared so much of your energy just remember to focus on YOU.
        I for one would not have come so far so quickly without you & Paula but, we sometimes need to stop & move on even from posting….move to the healing, less remembering the bad stuff because that keeps the Soc’ thriving in our thoughts!
        Time to heal for you now, we will be okay, you have done so much.
        Take a break, your allowed,
        Go Placidly (Desiderata) xoxo
        Your my ANGEL POSITIVA 😉

      4. Yes, the Tina comments are still there. Made me feel bad for you, Positivagirl, cause this is a great site, and being open and honest about your experience is the most helpful, generous thing you can do. Thanks for all of it. Wishing you the best for your legal case.
        Katalina

      5. Honesty is what makes it real. Some days I miss the sociopath/narcissist/whatever-he-is so bad… not the lies and the mind games, but the intelligence, I really miss the brain. So it is very very helpful to be reminded, frequently, why to keep the wall up.
        Much peace and rest to you,
        K

      6. I agree with you. I go from missing what I thought we were. Why I went through all I did for the happy life he swore that he would give me.
        This site helps remind me.

      7. Yes, and I think that is good to be honest. If I just wrote they are all monsters we all hate them, it isn’t realistic. At the end of the day there are lots of things that were good often. Even if it is just how incredibly ridiculous they were. Sadly, the bad outweighs the good. The troubles outweigh to pluses, and it is just not worth the drama. I wish I could take away the bad…. and keep the good. But again, this is not realistic.

      8. Hi katalina4,
        I thought so also,re missing the intelligence but, now I think that was part of the control & lies & manipulation.
        Whilst he was intelligent in a street smarts way & life experience way, I often said things/words to him he did not understand so, I educated him!
        I wonder how much intelligence was gleaned from others that he mimicked over a lifetime so,that he appeared smarter?? I am not denying he was smart but, more in a self serving way etc…especially where money was concerned.
        I completed an Advanced Diploma in Business Management for his credentials which he then read & was very impressed. He used me for this because he was too lazy or couldn’t do it?
        He would have sucked up all my intelligence & always said I was smart but, that I need to use my smarts more???
        He always used me for working stuff out for him etc…& sex of course & conversation.
        He used to let me prattle on because he said he liked listening to me speak etc…
        Was I just entertaining? Or was I a challenge? I was never ruined by him just gamed endlessly to the final discard because he got caught & exposed by the OW…I was still useful obviously til then?
        I met the OW & she said I was the one he got all the technical info etc…from & she wondered who was behind that (me)….she knows he’s a Soc & is staying…my use by date expired when she found me!
        Who cares, I am smarter now, that’s all I know 🙂

    1. Ah that didn’t make sense. I was responding to Tina, but deleted her comments as she was attacking me, calling me a fraud etc.

      Why on earth I would write a blog for free…. to be a fraud, I have no idea, fraud of what? If i were a fraud, I would hardly have people added to my real facebook account where I post my real information. No it wasn’t directed at you, i had deleted her comments.

  39. “you are a very very very MENTALLY ILL individual”

    “Now you PSYCHOPATH, take me on for a change, because well equipped to WHIP you I am!!!”

    “Spoken by a true MALE spath, I can assure you.”

    “You are a classic SPATH, you are now looking exclusively for sympathy, and are rightfully so not getting it.”

    “Nathan is seeking pity, he craves it as if in a Godly way, however, because the Devil put him here, it will be the Devil that ends his ROT here.”

    “You see you EVIL spath, I have not been alone in quickly being able to understand why you are here.”

    “For pete’s sake Nathan I know you aren’t a spath already, but you still carry on here as if you are an expert when quite clearly you are no such thing.”

    “You see Nathan how deluded you are in thinking that you are something that you prefer to be but are not?”

    1. LOL, you just passed the spath test, and congratulations to you.

      When it comes to mind games being played by Nathan, you will never run into anyone better than me at it, get it?!?!?!

  40. – Attacks someone he considers to be a threat.
    – Claims to be an expert on the matter.
    – Switches the name calling when it doesn’t work.
    – Tries to take a moral high ground for everyone else to see.
    – Switches name calling to try and remove any credibility from perceived threat.
    – Attempts to escape trap, when contradictions are pointed out.
    – Verbally attacks anyone who doesn’t automatically accept his position of authority.

    1. LMAO, most of us are sociopathically inclined because we know right from wrong, and will do wrong from time to time, non-sociopaths are more right than their sociopathic brothers/sisters who in comparison are rarely so, if ever at all.

      You misread my approaches towards as being sociopathic when in fact they are eye for an eye respsonses instead, that’s right, you know not the difference between do you?

      More relevant to revealing me to be someone like you are characterist in the following of:

      Check all that apply to you or that you agree with.

      • You break laws (even big ones).
      • You don’t have a problem lying to get what you want.
      • When you say you’re sorry, you usually don’t mean it.
      • You have a love / hate relationship with your parents.
      • You don’t like to joke about yourself – or when people joke about you.
      • You’ve lied to people just to see if you could get away with it.
      • You have a fairly high IQ.
      • You often act before you think about the consequences.
      • You got in trouble a lot when you were a kid.
      • You are secretive.
      • It’s hard for you to be loyal.
      • You don’t think in terms of “right” and “wrong.”
      • You have been cruel to animals.
      • It’s hard for you to empathize with people’s problems.
      • You don’t really have any plans or structure in your life.
      • You break people’s trust
      • You are a pyromaniac-fire starter.
      • You have at least one strange, overwhelming phobia.
      • You are very good at manipulating people and situations.
      • You are almost always bored.
      • You have cheated a lot on past partners.
      • You see people as your pawns.
      • Your relationships tend to be short.
      • You have trouble holding down a steady job.
      • You have been addicted to drugs, alcohol, sex, or gambling (with peoples lives too)

      Only one of these points can be found in me (point 7) in comparison to you, so how many do apply to you?

      I am considered to be a 4% at risk at being like you, which of course means LOL, I am nothing at all like you. If 15+ apply, then a dangerous spath is what you can consider yourself to be.

  41. My ex spath called me last Friday after some 8 months of no contact. During that time he had no information about me, but I knew a lot about him because when he dumped me, I was in such pain that I gained some hacking knowledge and got remotely into his computer. Although he was changing his mail passwords regularly I was using a kind of a back door to his account and I could get into it even without knowing his current password. It was emotionally very hard for me to keep watching the real him – he is very active with email as sociopaths are so good with words… so I knew about all his current games with many women… I even made some “tests”… I would change a letter or a number in email address of these women in his Contacts and open that “new” similar yahoo or email address and than I would “take over” the conversation, so actually it was me that he was emailing to…. sadly, he showed to be textbook spath. It’s amazing how insightful they are into different kind of people, their personalities…. I would have never guessed things about him without this, lets say, “irregular” insight.

    Nathan, you asked the other woman here, if she knows he is a spath, why doesn’t she leave him (mentally/emotionally) ? I was also asking myself that question, because although I saw and knew the real him, I still felt strong emotional connection to him… then I kind of saw similarity between his addictions (to manipulation, nicotine, internet porn) and my inability to leave him mentally and emotionally behind although I knew (saw it all in black and white) what a negative thing he is – yes, it came to my mind that I got addicted to him. I don’t have addictions (at least that I know of) like I don’t drink, smoke, not having problems with weight, I don’t have problems with responsibility etc so it never before occurred to me that I could actually have an addiction too… so just a few days before he called I ordered a book How to Break Your Addiction to a Person By Howard M Halpern. It has good reviews so I think it would be good to read it. I also realized that all the most beautiful feelings and thoughts that I had about this man, love and devotion …. which he saw as “being needy”… were just poured towards the wrong person, who was a master to disguise himself as a “right” person for all that but actually was not capable of either receiving or reciprocating the same. And then it occurred to me, why would I rip my heart because of that. It has no sense…

    When he called, it was from unknown number so I picked up the phone without knowing I it would be him. Few days before this call, I saw in his Sent Items that he tried to send me an email which said : ” I hope you are well. It doesn’t pass one day that I don’t think of you, what you do… Part of me died since we went our own ways. I hope we can talk sometime.” But, the reality was that all this time he was pursuing many women, even did online dating – I saw some hundred mails he sent on Pof, okcupid, hi5 etc… and even just few weeks ago he sent an email to his sister where he mocked about me – comparing me to his sister’s dog Sidney, because that dog always jumps on him, snuggles… I was thinking – well, he is right in a way, they say no one can be devoted as a dog can…

    So, I picked up the phone… he said : “Hi, it’s (his name)”. The silence…. I must say I felt terrible, almost without breath. I felt myself as those Dead from Lord Of the rings, I felt that I was dead and I answered “why are you calling?” My voice sounded monotonous, I guess it reflected the state I was in… He said: “Just wanted to say hi, to see how are you doing” I couldn’t answer how I was doing, it had no sense to answer… so after silence I said back in same monotonous dead voice:”how are you doing” It seemed it made him feel uncomfortable and he said “I shouldn’t have called, I apologize, bye.” I answered: “Bye”… although my heart screamed his name but I didn’t let it out. That night I felt bad, sick… next day I went to the sea, first time this year, warm sea, the sun… I talked about it to my friend… and I don’t know what was it, the sun, the sea, the call that previous night… but I suddenly felt revitalized…like I finally got my closure… I don’t know what but a shift happened that I if not completely, but got free from this “connection” to him. He changed his email in the meantime, so it feels good that I can’t follow him anymore, because it was becoming a bad addiction too.

    Sorry for a long post, but I feel that sharing truth on this post is good for all. Like positivegirl says, truth will set you free. Who knows maybe it will free some of the sociopaths too…. my ex spath used to say: “It is all to protect myself”, sometimes I think even this lack of emotion trait… is it because of the fear of being hurt? I mean look at us here, trying to survive, bleeding hearts…is it that some souls get so frightened on some level that there “exclude” emotions and act in all that way… to protect themselves?” There is some Buddha saying… if you are afraid of the fire, jump into the stove.

    Nathan, a question if you don’t mind. You probably know the book Without Conscience… and that spaths are considered to be “without conscience”. However, while monitoring and testing my ex spath it seemed to me like he had conscience but like he manages to quiet it down or I would say, manipulate his own conscience like he does it to all other people, and finally to himself too. What are your thoughts about conscience?

  42. Sorry, I must have clicked the wrong Reply button as my post ended somewhere up, so I’ll post it here in the main thread. Positive girl, you can delete it from up there.

    My ex spath called me last Friday after some 8 months of no contact. During that time he had no information about me, but I knew a lot about him because when he dumped me, I was in such pain that I gained some hacking knowledge and got remotely into his computer. Although he was changing his mail passwords regularly I was using a kind of a back door to his account and I could get into it even without knowing his current password. It was emotionally very hard for me to keep watching the real him – he is very active with email as sociopaths are so good with words… so I knew about all his current games with many women… I even made some “tests”… I would change a letter or a number in email address of these women in his Contacts and open that “new” similar yahoo or email address and than I would “take over” the conversation, so actually it was me that he was emailing to…. sadly, he showed to be textbook spath. It’s amazing how insightful they are into different kind of people, their personalities…. I would have never guessed things about him without this, lets say, “irregular” insight.

    Nathan, you asked the other woman here, if she knows he is a spath, why doesn’t she leave him (mentally/emotionally) ? I was also asking myself that question, because although I saw and knew the real him, I still felt strong emotional connection to him… then I kind of saw similarity between his addictions (to manipulation, nicotine, internet porn) and my inability to leave him mentally and emotionally behind although I knew (saw it all in black and white) what a negative thing he is – yes, it came to my mind that I got addicted to him. I don’t have addictions (at least that I know of) like I don’t drink, smoke, not having problems with weight, I don’t have problems with responsibility etc so it never before occurred to me that I could actually have an addiction too… so just a few days before he called I ordered a book How to Break Your Addiction to a Person By Howard M Halpern. It has good reviews so I think it would be good to read it. I also realized that all the most beautiful feelings and thoughts that I had about this man, love and devotion …. which he saw as “being needy”… were just poured towards the wrong person, who was a master to disguise himself as a “right” person for all that but actually was not capable of either receiving or reciprocating the same. And then it occurred to me, why would I rip my heart because of that. It has no sense…

    When he called, it was from unknown number so I picked up the phone without knowing I it would be him. Few days before this call, I saw in his Sent Items that he tried to send me an email which said : ” I hope you are well. It doesn’t pass one day that I don’t think of you, what you do… Part of me died since we went our own ways. I hope we can talk sometime.” But, the reality was that all this time he was pursuing many women, even did online dating – I saw some hundred mails he sent on Pof, okcupid, hi5 etc… and even just few weeks ago he sent an email to his sister where he mocked about me – comparing me to his sister’s dog Sidney, because that dog always jumps on him, snuggles… I was thinking – well, he is right in a way, they say no one can be devoted as a dog can…

    So, I picked up the phone… he said : “Hi, it’s (his name)”. The silence…. I must say I felt terrible, almost without breath. I felt myself as those Dead from Lord Of the rings, I felt that I was dead and I answered “why are you calling?” My voice sounded monotonous, I guess it reflected the state I was in… He said: “Just wanted to say hi, to see how are you doing” I couldn’t answer how I was doing, it had no sense to answer… so after silence I said back in same monotonous dead voice:”how are you doing” It seemed it made him feel uncomfortable and he said “I shouldn’t have called, I apologize, bye.” I answered: “Bye”… although my heart screamed his name but I didn’t let it out. That night I felt bad, sick… next day I went to the sea, first time this year, warm sea, the sun… I talked about it to my friend… and I don’t know what was it, the sun, the sea, the call that previous night… but I suddenly felt revitalized…like I finally got my closure… I don’t know what but a shift happened that I if not completely, but got free from this “connection” to him. He changed his email in the meantime, so it feels good that I can’t follow him anymore, because it was becoming a bad addiction too.

    Sorry for a long post, but I feel that sharing truth on this post is good for all. Like positivegirl says, truth will set you free. Who knows maybe it will free some of the sociopaths too…. my ex spath used to say: “It is all to protect myself”, sometimes I think even this lack of emotion trait… is it because of the fear of being hurt? I mean look at us here, trying to survive, bleeding hearts…is it that some souls get so frightened on some level that there “exclude” emotions and act in all that way… to protect themselves?” There is some Buddha saying… if you are afraid of the fire, jump into the stove.

    Nathan, a question if you don’t mind. You probably know the book Without Conscience… and that spaths are considered to be “without conscience”. However, while monitoring and testing my ex spath it seemed to me like he had conscience but like he manages to quiet it down or I would say, manipulate his own conscience like he does it to all other people, and finally to himself too. What are your thoughts about conscience?

    1. @ Caerra.

      Spaths, so long as they are not physical killers of, do have a conscience, it’s just that we non-spaths are only, at most, 4% inclined not to have whereas they are more 96% not to have.

    2. There’s a very common theory that Sociopaths are created from their past, and psychopaths are born. Based on that assumption, there is a possibility that your ex could have been trying to silence his own conscience. And if that’s true, then every Sociopath out there is one healthy relationship away from letting go of their emotions and becoming a good person. However.. I think we can all agree that’s NOT a healthy approach to a sociopath.

      For me, I don’t feel the difference between right or wrong, and there’s a constant pull to see what I can get away with. But I do my best to resist that pull and to stick to my moral code.

      I’d say it’s the difference between having a GPS in your car, and using a map. One is constantly notifying you of direction changes you need to make, and the other is only any good when you make yourself stop and look at it. If you never look at the map, then you can drive anywhere and just enjoy the ride.

  43. @Nathan – your comments here are very interesting. I am curious – what is “in it” for you to post here? Does it alleviate some boredom?

    1. Curiosity brought me here. I’ve spent a lot of time reading about other people’s personal experiences with sociopaths. Roy’s antics held my attention. He challenged me. Blatantly. And, I’ve won. Once I noticed that some people have a slightly misinformed opinion of sociopaths, I decided to stay and volunteer myself for questioning. There’s nothing so much “In it” for me, but it keeps my mind occupied. The more occupied my brain is, the.. well.. less bored, I am.

      1. I do find you all, and your conversations on here interesting. I know my kind has a well deserved negative reputation, but honestly I see sociopathy as a hammer. If used to strike nails into wood in an organized fashion, it can be highly beneficial. If used against someone’s head, it can be highly damaging.

        So, I’m also trying to focus more on being a non destructive sociopath. Which is why I stated who, and what, I was from the start.

      2. If you know you are a sociopath Nathan is there nothing you can do to change?
        There were times that my soc would have clarity and say how selfish he was and how he lacked empathy. How he needed to work on this and that. But then he would just hurt me again. Look me straight in my eyes and lie!! Besides being a soc he was a cop for 22 yrs.
        I just cannot understand how you can be SO loving and express your wrong doings then BAM rip it away!!

      3. yes they WANT to change Kat, often. (when it suits) but they can’t. They cant due to poor impulse control, opportunistic nature, failure to learn from the past, and that whole repeated behaviour that they do over. I know that you want hope…. but lets face it, it isn’t just that HE does the same things over and over, but he repeats the same behaviour as every other sociopath in the world, so what does that tell you? There are some who ‘manage’ their behaviour but they still relapse.

      4. As a sociopath, I can tell you this. If it wasn’t for my Christian faith, I would be NO different from the rest of the sociopaths that you all have dealt with. Not trying to get preachy, but it’s a simple logical fact. Without the knowledge that there is a God that will hold us accountable for our actions, there is no chance a sociopath will ever change. Human rules and laws are simply challenges for us to be smarter, sneakier and more clever. And will always been seen as exactly that.

      5. Having said that about my faith, I will now say this. Sociopaths will never be a normal person. I will never feel emotions the same way that you will. I will always be one step away from letting go of my code and going back to being a predator.

        So, if you tell your “path” that you want them to go to (insert generic religious service) with you, and that it’s a requirement, or they even think that you’re trying to get them to change, they may become the most fervent believer you’ve ever seen. But it’s just an act. Don’t fall for it!!

      6. The ONLY thing about my Code that is different is this. No one, and I mean NO ONE, had anything to do with me wanting to change myself. It was all my own decision. If anyone else had been involved, then I can tell you that the change would be fake and temporary. My point being.. YOU CAN NOT CHANGE HIM.

      7. Nathan,

        it is good if you manage to follow what Christian faith says (don’t lie, steal, cheat, kill etc…. the 10 commandments) even without “feeling” that it is wrong if you do something against these “rules”. Christian faith gives good directions how to live, but, in my opinion it doesn’t give good explanation why is it so, nor good “tools” to help a person to really “feel”, “live” and “know” these “rules”. Hinduism and eastern religions, in my opinion have better approach with their emphasis on “oneness” … so person is made to understand how we are all one, so when you deceive the other person, you actually deceive yourself… so realizing that could be a ‘cure’ for a sociopath. By reading about these kind of spiritual knowledge you would most likely not be able to really change in sense like having the enlightening moment (That’s really true!) but it probably could make some impact on your beliefs… In the end, what could really make the change, maybe that you try spiritual rituals which work on “higher” levels … like trying to get healing from Akashic records, something that would open or repair your heart chakra… I believe that anything is possible, if we really want to…we need to be persistent and search for remedies for ourselves.

      8. @caerra,

        I actually tried something like this with mine (heart chakra opening exercise) and he went from what appeared to be an extremely calm state to sobbing in the middle of the exercise. Didnt look “fake” to me, but who knows. sure looked like he felt something in that moment. And it did seem as though he ‘got it” and wanted to change.

        But he always went back to his gamey ways unfortunately

      9. @gaslighted,

        I tried it too (the exercise to open Akashic Records) maybe a week ago, for the first time. I had no idea would anything happen, but I felt for so long that I am struggling because of my ex spath so I wanted to ask for help. So I did the “procedure” … I kept expecting to “hear” some message or “see” some guides or Masters but nothing… than I took the book and read through some of the questions I was supposed to ask… like what is the obstacle to my healing about this and this situation etc…. I still sat for a few moments… than I felt how my heart started to warm, it was such heat, my heart was glowing. I never in my life felt something like that. I then took the book again and randomly opened the page… about Addictions to people… than I realized I became addicted to my spath and that is why I was feeling so hard… interesting thing is that, few days afterwards I went to the sea and felt so much better and it’s been a week since than and I really feel like that addictiveness disappeared… I feel better and somehow different, like I let it go… we will see 🙂

      10. It’s funny, cause I find hanging out on these sites pretty gosh darn boring – I do it out of necessity, to understand and get past something in my life. But it’s not like it’s actually fun.
        One of the things I get hung up on is a kind of existentialist dilemma – if sociopaths exist, what is their purpose? One spiritual leader I went to said it is to teach us discernment (ie, to learn to identify and stay away). And reading Kevin Dutton’s The Wisdom of Psychopaths, I got the impression that the Cluster-B’s may be the descendants of warrior culture in a way – the cold lack of empathy is what makes it easier to be a successful warrior – why many successful business people, politicians, lawyers, surgeons, etc, are sociopaths.

      11. @Caerra The point you seem to be missing is that sociopaths don’t feel. It’s not a choice we make, to subdue our emotions. It’s simply a lack of them. Even with my one ex that I “loved”, it wasn’t the same as what everyone else describes love as. There wasn’t any warm fuzzy feelings, it was just a desire to work through problems and be openly communicating in an honest way.

        @Katalina I’ve read up a lot on that very topic. Christianity, and many other religions, state that everything happens for a reason, so sociopaths exist for a purpose. One interesting theory I heard on it stated that sociopaths show up in greater numbers when the world is headed for dark times. Because we’re not burdened with emotions, we are the ones to “carry” humanity through the darkness.

      12. Sociopaths BRING darkness into peoples lives. They don’t carry them through anything, they stamp on them, chew them up and spit them out!! 🙂 🙂

      13. @Positivagirl, You clearly misunderstood what the theory was implying. It wasn’t saying that sociopaths carry humans through dark times, it was implying that sociopaths carry the human race through dark times. Part of being a sociopath is an extreme survivalist attitude. No matter what the situation is that we’re in, whether we caused it or not, we will take advantage of it and turn it in our favor.

        Now, in all of your individual experiences, it’s been a very destructive and selfish experience. But that doesn’t mean it’s the ONLY way that attitude works. Looking back through history, into people’s personal lives, I’m inclined to believe that a lot of “heroes” in the past had sociopathic tendencies.

        The point of that theory, which isn’t fact, just someone’s conclusion from research, is that sociopaths carry the human race through dark times. Does that make more sense?

      14. The last sociopath in my life has actually done more good than harm to my life. He helped to pull me out of trauma (by mirroring me). So many things it would take too long to write.

      15. @positivagirl – There is one sensation I remember feeling while interacting with the guy I was seeing. When we were talking about our childhoods, and I told him some of the stories of the way I grew up, stories that usually shut people down, make them stop in their tracks and say, Holy Shit, he reacted entirely differently – he just complained about how he grew up being so totally insufferably bored.
        It was a moment that showed a) his lack of empathy, b) his inability to respond appropriately, ie talking only about himself without first responding to my story and c) his boredom.
        But in a funny way, I also found his lack of empathy somewhat liberating – I didn’t feel like I was being “the heavy” by telling a terrible story – he wasn’t weighed down by what I was telling him, and I felt almost more free of my own past than I have in a long time.
        There was something so utterly practical about it. Survivalist, yes. Emotions can drag you down.

      16. @positivagirl – wrote previous comment before I saw your comment about “mirroring” and it helping you with trauma. Very interesting. Would love to hear more about your thoughts on that – is it material worthy of a post maybe? I know for myself I am not very interested in leaving behind an experience and just saying, Oh that was terrible and I’m such a victim, without learning anything from it. I always try to find what was positive or what was learnt.

  44. Is it true that sociopaths have been sexually abused? Is this what causes this? My ex told me early on when we me how his dad sexually abused him at the age of 7 by bumping and grinding on him in bed. I always wondered why he told me that after a couple dates. It of course made me feel really special as he said he only told me.

    1. Hey Kat,
      It’s funny but, my Soc never mentioned being abused but, that he became sexually active at 7 & was fully active by 12.
      I was horrified but, he said he needed sex from a young age?
      I wonder if abuse from someone older might have triggered him or maybe he was born with a huge sexual appetite?
      He was always saying he needed a lot of sex but,when I couldn’t supply he would say he was strong enough to wait & that he wasn’t like other men who thought with their D#@Ks!! Obviously as I have now discovered, that’s exactly what he thinks with!
      He is a charismatic Sociopath so, believes his own lies & has proven to be a contradiction of all he espouses to people.
      I had been with him (we did not live together) for 10 years so, he was treating me like a mistress really. He only discarded me because he was exposed to me by the OW that he had moved in with! I was always in ‘gaming mode’ apparently & he hadn’t finished with me.
      I was a challenge for him I think as I am fairly strong if you push my boundaries too far etc…I would never choose him over my kids but, he tried to compromise me with them on numerous occasions but, my instincts to protect them were stronger (thank god) although he did cause problems for me with my daughter as she didn’t like him. I kept them separate so, I would never choose him over her. I have a great relationship with her & thankfully I was smart enough to keep my life with him away from my kids. I suffered but, they didn’t 🙂
      Stay Strong Brave Kat & be happy it’s our only revenge 🙂

      1. Thank you Pheonix….Mine to had a huge appetite saying how often he “b-off” day and oddly for 20-30 mins at a time which I am not a guy but find that weird. I would tell him he makes love to himself!
        He’s had many partners before me and knows what to do which I think in part kept me with him.

        My kids liked him at first until his stories became lies and he was arrested for shoplifting (he was a sheriff) and it was in the papers which was totally mortifying to my kids. So I too kept our relationship separate thinking he would change and everything would be ok.

        I gave this man almost 5 years but I could easily see 10 if I were to still do what I was doing. I have always been a strong girl but he was able to always break through.
        Reading about him via this site finally broke through to me!!

        He’s using FB to get me like he did when we broke up in January for 6 weeks….it worked as I called him (in Feb) to ask to block it like it was before and he did exactly what Nathan said he would do.
        How much he had changed….life changing as Nathan said

        Now he’s trying again saying he’s doing and going all these places on his FB.
        I will not ever contact him again!!! It will never work on me again!!!
        I wrote off the money he owes me but I do have some things of his that have a little value that I am going to sell to get some money back.

        I went out last night and finally felt free to actually give a guy my #. I could never do before because I had to be true to him and it wasn’t worth the drama it caused.
        Although he went on dating sites and make women fall for him. He would send me screen shots that he manipulated as these girls were falling right into his “game”. He would ignore them and they would ask, why aren’t you responding? I hope your ok etc
        but showing me was to show me how he wasn’t responding to them because I meant so much to him.

        I feel so sorry for the women past and in the future that he will hurt.
        I had wanted to warn them all but it doesn’t matter anymore.

        I will just lose more of myself to him if I did and I want my life back

        Big hugs!!!

      2. Thanks Kat,
        I am focusing on healing & not what makes the Soc tick because I get it all now & my answers are within me. 🙂
        It’s been fascinating reading etc…& I have shared & learnt so much here 🙂
        I don’t like the Soc’s on this blog as they are getting their jollies out of our pain & misery caused by their fellow Soc’s.
        I don’t need a Soc’s insight or comments as its all just a joke to them & more gaming of a wider audience! 😦
        We are here to support each other & find our healing path, at least that’s my intent 🙂
        So keep happy & loving etc…because they (Soc’s) can never feel our joy of release from them 😉

        Love to all the survivors here & forgiveness to all the Soc’s because you can’t forgive yourselves!!

        PR 🙂

      3. Omg..if I had a dollar for every time he would show me all the girls trying to reach him but “im not responding to any of them!!”…I would be rich.

        Unfortunately, he never was the sharpest crayon in the box and didnt think I would think much further into it. For instance, for a female to even be over extending herself into your life, you must have said SOMETHING for this situation to arise. But he doesnt think like that and actually thought I would believe that he is that desirable and THAT attractive that woman would just throw themselves at him. Sorry, thats not how it works!! Just makes no sense…

  45. Is it true that sociopaths have been sexually abused? My ex told me early on (first couple dates) that his father at the age of 7 had hump/grinded him in bed. That I was one of the only people he shared this with. At the time made me feel close to him.

    1. I was never sexually abused. My parents didn’t abuse me in any way, actually, although my dad and I had many rough years while I was a teenager. Looking back, I realize that his frustration and anger wasn’t at me, but my lack of any kind of emotional response. As I said before, he would try and “crack” me, get me to yell or scream about what was going on inside me head, because he couldn’t read me at all. But it never worked, and it was very frustrating for him.

    1. @Kat, Because there’s nothing “broken” in us. We can modify our actions, as I have chosen too, but there’s nothing to fix. Our brains work different than yours. I’ve chosen to have a code for numerous reasons, but even I don’t think I’m “broken” or “damaged”.

      1. I have read a lot of sociopaths who keep to a code to keep themselves out of trouble. However, with poor impulse control, and the opportunistic mindset that you have, it is often not long, before the same pattern is repeated. I would imagine that most people who are not like this, would indeed see this as ‘broken’.

      2. @Positivagirl, I understand why a lot of people think we’re “broken”. It’s the same reason why people on this forum think that sociopaths enjoy the pain and destruction they cause in relationships. But those are both misconceptions based on your emotional way of looking at us.

        It’s hard, especially when you’re still feeling the pain, to try and understand how someone could do those things to you. You would only ever THINK about doing those hurtful things to someone you really hated, and you’d probably never follow through. Therefore the sociopaths just relish causing pain. But that whole concept is based on emotion. It’s based on what you feel. Sociopaths just don’t care if they cause that pain to you. It has no more effect on them, than swatting a fly does to you.

        And as for myself, I’ve been sticking to this code for a couple of years now. I have brief relapses, because I’m not perfect and I do make mistakes.

      3. I think it depends on the person. The last one I dated, didn’t enjoy seeing people in pain. I would say at it’s worse (actions), there was no register at all of how I felt. He couldn’t comprehend my feelings, or why. Instead it was focused on him. It wasn’t that he enjoyed my pain, he wasn’t like that (unless a narc rage, when it was deliberate, as I had done something)…. but then I wouldn’t say enjoyment from that, it was impulsive. If that makes sense?

      4. @Nathan – the code you have chosen is partly related to your Christian faith?
        What is faith about / where does it come from, for a sociopath? I thought sociopaths were very hard science kind of people….
        Also curious about how a sociopath would respond to art / music / literature / movies – if you do not feel, what do these things do for you?

      5. @Katalina4, Without getting into the details, or turning this into a “sermon”, I spent a lot of time researching different religions, including evolution. Christianity is the one that made the most sense. And, like all of the rest, it’s faith based. Faith is believing without seeing.

        Now, art can be impressive if the person has skill. Most forms of modern art have very little effect on me though. Abstract art is the same way. I don’t understand how splashing various colors on a canvas takes any skill. My brother is very artsy though, and when he draws pictures, it’s amazing how realistic he can get them to look. I find that impressive.

        I like movies, and will watch just about any. Horror, comedy, love stories, action adventure. If I’m going to be completely honest though, action movies tend to leave me feeling a little depressed at the end. I can’t help but wonder how people are supposed to go back to their regular lives after doing something so exciting.

        Now, music. I listen to upbeat music. Doesn’t matter what genre, as long as it’s got a “happy” sound to it. It puts me in a good mood. I like it music. Right now Pour Some Sugar On Me, by Def Leppard happens to be one of my favorites.

      6. So you have moods – happy and depressed are both states you experience.

        Believing without seeing – you are saying you found Christianity to be more logical than evolution, therefor easier to “believe” in, if all are weighed as equally plausible possibilities?

      7. @Katalina4, Yes, that was what I was saying. But I won’t get too involved in WHY I believe that on here. I have no problems discussing it, but others might be irritated by the conversation, and I’m not here to cause problems. Just to answer questions.

        And I guess you could call it that. Music is about the only thing that makes me “happy”. And depression is something that I think all sociopaths feel to a certain degree. Especially when we’re really bored.

  46. Thanks for being honest Nathan

    Last year I had very minimal contact all through the summer, this all going on while I was nursing my mother, who then passed away, he would only contact me every three days, and that would just be to say he was thinking of me, missing me and loved me. At the time it really hurt, he wouldn’t find time to talk, only text, so as well as having grief to deal with I also became very paranoid that he was seeing someone else, Likely, or could he not handle my problems??

    Also, I had a smear campaign of sorts from him just before he moved on to another place of work.I want to try to avoid this again.

    What is the best way to end this?? what words do I choose which may soften the blow??
    I have had all this for a long time,,I don’t thinnk I can have it affecting my work aswell.
    Many thanks

    1. “what words do I choose which may soften the blow??”

      He’s clearly harassing you and adding complications to your life. Why would you care about “softening” the blow? Your fastest option would be to get a restraining order on him. It’s also probably going to have the best results.

      And the disappearing for days while you’re nursing your mother is quite possibly him being jealous of your time and attention NOT being on him. So he’d disappear and then tell you how much he misses you to try and get you to focus more on him.

      1. Nathan, so in regards to my soc and his lack of being there for me with my mom and her stage 4 cancer when I needed him so badly but he wasn’t here for me yet helped his ex move a bed and other thing non eventful things (his ex was finally nice to him after she started $$ from him). In the years of helping him through saving his life so he didn’t OD and his legal battles he never was there for me. He had the words always but never the actions.

      2. Nathan do sociopaths have bad memories or just forget the lies you told?
        After mine backs off for a day or two, he comes back wiith really stupid excuses, but usually he or someone in his family has been ill, so ill that he couldn’t be ‘left alone’,,,,,,of course I can’t contest these excuses and he knows it.
        This has me feeling like I’m dealing with a sickly child, he has even told me he is ill and so wont be able to contact me for a couple of days!
        I’m not sure if he is sociopath or BPD, he certainly has the childish traits, the back and forth,in fact he has all of the traits on the list.

        He keeps me at a distance constantly and he seems to be going round in a circle with his behaviour every few months eg: he has sent me a picture of a soft toy telling me who gave it to him etc,,,,,,,,,,only to get the same picture a few months later saying someone gave it to him recently.

        I’ve had an excuse which was something that wouldn’t happen often, only for him to use the same one,again,a few months later,in fact,used it at five or six monthly intervals,,,what’s that all about??

        He stares into space when he lies to me, amost like he is ‘telling himself’ the story, or trying to rmember what he told me,,,like self talk,,,,is this a norm?

        I swing between thinking he is sociopath/ BPD,or just a very sick player.

        And last one for now,,,,,,,,,,, is it right what they say,, that every woman they engage with has exactly the same behaviour in the end,,,or is there usually someone who can level them out?

        I suppose the difference between BPD and sociopathy is that fear of abandonment,,,,,,otherwise both BPD and sociopaths fear exposure??

      3. @Kat, Very literally, helping you with your mom was not something he saw as beneficial to himself in any way. Helping his ex, probably ended with him getting some sort of sexual gratification. All of your help over the years has left no “debt” or gratitude imprinted on his mind. He got help when he wanted it, and that’s all that it was to him.

        @Dorena, That doesn’t sound like any of the sociopaths I’ve encountered, myself included. I remember a lot of things. It’s part of the reason why people tend to be weak to us. Once we know your thought patterns, what to say and do to make you forgive and let us back in, we don’t forget it. I would say he just doesn’t care to make up a new lie since you still accept the old one, but it’s the “staring off into space” that isn’t normal. Sociopaths look you dead in the eye and tell you lies that make you believe them.

      4. Thank you Nathan. And you are correct in regards to them being able to look you straight in the eyes and lie to you like it is the truth!!! That was the last time when he broke me down so deeply. He lied straight in my eyes with all the feeling as if he was telling me the truth!! Then I watched him not care at all how his lie broke me down and my heart. To videotape and then send it to me was something that will never register in my mind how someone could have no conscience at all of hurting a person who has done so much and loved you so much. He always had the words. He just never had that follow through. Only to get me back which this year I told him he had to show me first.
        Now we are over over over and I will never, pray to god, let him back in.

      5. @Kat, The videotaping thing is rather curious. Sociopaths don’t relish the pain they cause, they simply don’t care about it. That honestly sounds like someone who enjoys causing pain. A trait very common in psychopaths. Different mindset, although the two often get tossed around as interchangeable.

        In fact, my hyperlogical, and relatively calm, thought process sometimes fits in more with the psychopath profile than sociopath, depending on who’s profile you use to analyze me. Although, I never killed any small animals, and in fact, I like animals. Dogs and cats.

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