Female sociopath

As I am female and hetrosexual, most of my post are written using the context of ‘he’ although as many male readers understand what I write can equally apply to female sociopaths.

Today I wanted to write a post about female sociopaths.

What is the difference between male and female sociopaths?

Honestly? The most obvious answer is SOCIETY. That is the biggest difference. Historically, men were expected to pay for everything. So, for the female sociopath  life was relatively easy. Which is probably why most respected pieces of work, say that there are less female sociopaths than male.

But lets look at this from a realistic point of view. From a historical point of view and from the role of men and women historically in society. Historically:

  • The man went to work and supported the woman
  • The man was the provider
  • The woman was known to be more manipulative and emotional than the man

This is a role reversal from men in society and what the expectations are of them. Men are supposed to be the breadwinners, to keep their woman.

If you look at it like that, female sociopaths have had it relatively easy. They are protected by society, and old fashioned values and what is expected from men and women in a relationship. Imagine that for a woman, her source of supply that she needs is a roof over her head, and money?

It is relatively easy to win that from a man. Nobody would bat an eyelid at it. After all, she is doing what keeps a man happy. Offering him sex, using him for his money. Getting free food and free accommodation. She is set up for life and has a free meal ticket.

Reverse this situation. The man moves in with a woman, fakes his credentials, and ultimately  the woman ends up paying for the man. This is more horrifying to society than what the female counterpart is doing. But is it really?

What do female sociopaths do?

  • All sociopaths have a high sex drive – so she will use sex as a tool to lure the man in
  • She will play victim to her past
  • She will be looking for a rescuer (to pay for her)
  • She will offer a bright and amazing future to her male counterpart

The sad truth is, both parties can be happy. A man sees it as his role to provide for his partner, or at least many have been brain trained historically that this is the right thing to do. The gaslighting, can just be viewed as ‘female manipulation’. Men are grateful to have a woman that constantly demands sex. And the male counterpart feels that he has a ‘trophy  wife’ on his arm. After all they are so charismatic, and get on with everyone, so popular, everyone else wants her….. men love to have something which is seen as ‘special’, something that other people want.

So, where does it all go wrong, with the female counterpart, and why is not reported as much?

It goes wrong when the female counterpart runs off with someone else. Or after she has the children kicks the man out, keeping the  house and children and everything in the house. If she is really lucky if she has done her homework well, she will also get maintenance payments from the man.

But nobody objects to this, after all this is what the man is supposed to do?

This is the main difference between male and female sociopaths. Society is what makes it different. Expectations within society of the male and female role. Of seeing the male as the provider, and the woman as nurturer, after all, we know that sociopaths can be very charismatic. And can play the role of  ’nurturer’ and ‘carer’ very well indeed.

The male feels that he has nobody to talk to about this. After all. He has been played, financially it has cost him a lot. And his ‘perfect woman’ is now off doing her own thing. Society encourages this.

If the male is upset and hurt, the female sociopath will use this against the male, he is the bitter ex. He should get over it.

It is more shocking when a woman has been conned by a male sociopath, as society sees it as unnatural. Afterall the man should be paying for the woman, treating her as a princess.

The female sociopath relies heavily on sex as a seduction and offering the trophy wife status to the male. Which males, wanting to impress buy….

There is little difference between the male and female types. This is why I write about sociopaths in general, and for ease of writing I use the word he. It is simply easier to write.

What do you think? Are there any males reading this? Do you agree with this? Or am I totally wrong?


291 thoughts on “Female sociopath”

  1. This is exactly what happened to me. I married a high functioning sociopath, she is a registered nurse, the most cold calculating person I have ever met. She conned me into being a house husband giving up my job and caring for her 6 yo daughter who I loved as my own. So many red flags I ignored. I was asked to leave once her daughter was able to look after herself at age 16 loosing my tools , pets car and struggling at 55 to find enough employment to keep me from homelessness.

    1. Am sorry you have experienced this too Ashlee 😦 Do you agree, that female sociopaths are pretty much the same as their male counterparts, the only real difference is that it is more hidden because of expectations in society?

    2. Ashlee, I just ended a relationship with a female sociopath, and fits the description to a “t”. This wackjob wanted me to fund her life as well as her kids’ lives at no cost to herself. I said no. Her kids are also tweeked and are, at the very least, narcissists. She pressured me for a while to “buy a place,” (“We can do this together!”) but I relented and am glad for it. Her and her life are a drain. The troubling part is that she knows this but doesn’t care. For awhile I thought it was lack of pride or ability. Now I realize that she is a parasite and comfortable with it. She comes from a wealthy family, lives off her mother, collects welfare, and likes to say “I’m having a SUPER DAY.” She has no real human conscience or emotions, so why would she care if her kids are screwed up, that she is a parasite, and an immoral Piece of Dirt. NOne of that matters to her. I started seeing the real side of her when I started standing my ground. The only thing that exists behind her veneer is a Godlesss loathing, diseased energy that she projects onto the world around her because she despises the world for having that which she views should be hers by mere virtue of her birth. There are a few adjectives that could describe her, but none would do true justice.

    3. She just asked you to leave?

      surely there is more to it.. If she was that Dominant a person and you were the main carer wouldn’t “your” daughter miss you?
      Perhaps you saying ‘her’ daughter says a lot more about your role than you think.

      I am a single parent and have looked after my daughter since she was 4..
      It’s my ex who lost out.. You can’t rewind time and when a child has grown up she’s bonded with the parent she/he has spent time with.

      Yes there are women that are just as self fish as some men are. They want to live ‘Life’ and have ‘Fun’.
      But I think most women get ‘broody’ some time in their life and the typical family role does come ‘naturally’ to more women than most men.

      Saying that, I definitely think men make better single parents than most women do. Simply because kids listen to deeper ‘male’ voices more and perhaps men are not as dependent on emotional attachments and can be the one in control a lot easier.

      Divorce is easy if you can avoid the ’emotional’ desire to get back at/hurt your ex. The family court can give you DIY divorce packs

      If you hire a lawyer, then you invite the devil into your home..
      The only winner is the lawyer..Judge court etc.

      You do know that if the marriage lasted more than 5 yrs you have rights to 50% of the marital property. Ie. the house etc..
      If your err her daughter is 16 then she can live with who ever she wants and visit.

      1. “I definitely think men make better single parents than most women do. Simply because kids listen to deeper ‘male’ voices more and perhaps men are not as dependent on emotional attachments and can be the one in control a lot easier.”

        “f you hire a lawyer, then you invite the devil into your home..”

        And the wisdom just keeps coming…

      2. LOKI.

        I WILL SAY THIS ONCE TO EVERYONE. Talking to anyone in your support network – friends, family, etc. who DO NOT understand TRULY what a sociopath is IS a waste of time. Stop now. You will only be speaking in detail about a situation that you were involved in that others will dismiss in a single line, like “well it was a bad relationship”, or “are you still talking about this?”, or “that sounds crazy!”, “well what was your part in it?”. Your friends and family will grow exhausted by you. it’s been 3 months for me and for the first 2 I had no Idea she was a female sociopath (these women are difficult to detect by most people because they are likable, however even your closest friends won’t tell you they don’t like her out of respect for you AND then you wonder why some of your friends don’t want to hang out anymore – and so does she – BUT SHE IS FULL AWARE that women are jealous of her and SHE LOVES the attention for it).

        Anyway – use this forum or others. If anyone knows of other forums please post them I would like to tell my story to the community of people on the web who GET IT. And for all the madness and insanity, in the end for her toCHANGE was harder than CONTINUING to live as she had and manipulate another situation with man to achieve the unborn baby and marriage so desperately wants now that I ALMOST gave her.

        Thank god a friend came to me and gave me information that when i approached her she denied coldly and then dumped me the next minute. Sociopaths EVENTUALLY cannot take being called out for their lies, I have super high standards for honesty in relationships – AND my instincts pick up on deceit. I am also gullible as ever and that I something I told her on day one, and to respect it. She just looked at me with a smile…. and stared…….

        the sociopath stare, I was amused – i thought “wow i just said this important statement to her and she’s saying nothing back and staring at me with that grin. wow – how interesting, I’m curous – what is that??”

        i would comment on the stare for over the 2 years and she acted dumb about it. wouldn’t have anything to say… Often i would see out of the corner of my eye her just staring at me while i was nearby and i avoided looking – sometimes i felt like a bastard, “why aren’t i giving her the love and attention she’s giving me” – even i would resist her demands for constant attention eventually. The rejection drove her insecurities thru the roof – BUT what she didnt realize is that the pathological lying drove me to become distant. In turn …..

        Soon to be a distant memory… IS IT OK FOR ME TO NOT EVER WANT TO SEE HER FACE AGAIN? I want to delete all the photos. Not for hatred, BUT because I don’t ever want to think about her in any other capacity than “I have compassion for you. I am sorry that your abusive childhood and sexually abused adolescence happened to you. I hold your parents responsible, they were teenagers when they had you. It is not your fault. Good Luck to you.” I will wait until a year or two to discard the pictures… I she told me endlessly that i am her “soul mate” and “we would grow old together”. I can only imagine her new BF after a few weeks now from our split is LOVING the attention and her never-ending SEX drive. Who wouldn’t. captured the next victim.

  2. Hi,

    This is a very interesting article. After reading this article I definitely believe this concept exists. I have recently been finished by a woman after a 4 year relationship, her moving on to a new man which she had cultivated at work. I just feel like I was abused especially towards the end. She showed many of the traits of having a sociopathic disorder, very high sex drive, history of predatory promiscuity behavour, fixation on sex and teenage boys, using men for her own ends.

    1. this is a female sociopath, and an example of why all men should view all men should view all women as sociopaths until they show definite proof they are not.

      this is not a criticism of women or society alone, but of the fact when we like someone, we lose our ability to see people as they are. men and women both do this, but in our society women are a prised commodity and men are lucky to have one interested in us. There is no arguining against that.

      This is why the host, female sociopaths who pretend not to be (all of them of course) will turn on a person who is critical extremely viciously.

      But watch this and tell em what you think.

      P.S. you will always observe sociopaths will block other people, blaming them, in order to protect their own viciousness. The ironically named “positive girl” is text book in this regard. But maybe she won’t block this and allow other views than her be heard. I doubt it. But she is on my dangerous people to watch list now, so blocking me will do no good… in fact it will only draw attention to her disingenuous and callus nature.

      don’t say anything personal here, she will use it against you if you even barely critisize her.

  3. Hi Positivegirl, great article.

    I myself am a female sociopath and saw a lot of truth in your words but a lot of what you say does not apply to me personally. I will agree that when the game is on the woman has it easier but when society clicks on it is a lot more difficult to get around the problem because it is all the more shocking when it is a woman. People are a lot less forgiving of us when we do get caught.

    I have no interest in finding a man to take care of me and give me money, I can do these things for myself whilst giving the impression that I am a moral person that is not a user. I find going to work so much easier than the housewife role, I detest being in that situation.

    I will sheepishly look at the floor if anyone asks about the relationship to manipulate people into thinking I am a victim whist at the same time refusing to accept if someone tries to buy me a drink. My favorite impession to give is strong woman, confused.

    What I look for in a man is excitement and adoration. I like them to be like lapdogs. I want to destroy all aspects of thier life so that I am all that’s left and the centre of their world.

    I don’t like them leading thier own lives. I will engineer situations until I am entirely in control and then spend all of my time paranoid that they will tell someone that can see me for who I really am.

    I am violent and volitile, but only behind closed doors. I enjoy watching men cry because they do not understand what is happening. I like watching them flinch if a good looking woman comes on the tely and smile all the more if they know I would do her too. I do have a very high sex drive but hide it well from society because, again, I want to give an impression of being normal.

    I am a sexual predator. I am guilty of drugging men that act as if they might say no and pressurising them… I don’t like taking no for an answer. I love it all the more if they are unexperienced and I can be the teacher. Nerds are the best, always grateful for taking their virginity and oblivious to what’s going on. Don’t get me wrong, dangerous men are my favorite thrill, I love when they think they are in control.

    I like women too but am just a little too afraid of that female intuition that would get in the way of my plans. I have seen the film Monster (ggod to watch if you are interested in female sociopaths) and know that could have been me if I had just a little less fear of the law.

    I cannot bear responsibilities. Outside of the houe I will conform and do a good job at my employment but it is just for impression management. I detest housework, children, compromise… All the tings that are expected from a good little woman.

    The funny thing is women are always telling me that they wish thier son would get a nice good girl like me and even try to set me up with them. It might be my big blue eyes and long lashes.

    I am a home wrecker. If a woman sees me for what I am or is a threat in anyway I will make it my plan to sleep with her husband. Even a small offence like getting too close to me or wanting to spend time with me can have repercussions if it is not what I want.

    I do not regret many of the things I have done but I reget that I am this way. I envy your empathy. I would give up all of my thrills to be the sort of person that can relax with no mask. I am just a shell. >>>>>> A shell with a pretty exterior and no chance of ever changing. <<<<<<

    Thank you for the break from pretense, and guys, I hope this helps you to ruin the plans of my fellow female socios.

    1. Hey Femme,thanks for your comment, but also your honesty, it is appreciated. I am sure that if proper research was carried out that the figures for female sociopaths would be far higher than is currently recognised. I think it is hidden more because of society and expectations of the male/female gender role in relationships. Thanks 🙂

      1. you should be ashamed of that response, if a male had come on and said the same, you would block and delete the comments or attack.

        This is misandry at its worst/best!

      2. nice deflection! it was a valid point! stop being dismissive of others feelings… she is an abuser and you thank her, I complain and you attack!!!!!

    2. thank you. You remind me a lot of my own x-girlfriend. I am, as she perceived a “dangeroud man.” I’m not, but could be. I am attractive, I was a combat swimmer (search & rescue) in the Navy, an all-American football player, musician & artist. She found these things very stimulating and thought they were a visa for her to say and do whatever she wanted. Over 10 months I realized that she methodically analyzed these positive aspects of my being and assessed what weak points existed & then play off them to put me down.

    3. thank you FemmePath. You remind me a lot of my own x-girlfriend. I am, as she perceived a “dangeroud man.” I’m not, but could be. I am attractive, I was a combat swimmer (search & rescue) in the Navy, an all-American football player, musician & artist. She found these things very stimulating and thought they were a visa for her to say and do whatever she wanted. Over 10 months I realized that she methodically analyzed these positive aspects of my being and assessed what weak points existed & then play off them to put me down.

    4. Hmm?

      If FP is a real she devil then I’m a strong believer in What goes around..,
      Karma etc.

      Ps The book The SheDevil is a funny book on how a wife gets her own back on this site’s male and female typical ‘Socios’.

      Not an easy route though. involves a fire, drugging toddlers, fraud, robbery, surgery, kinky Judge and a FemmeFatal editor…

    5. Thank you for your comment. I am struggling to get away from my sociopath ex girlfriend right now, and your honesty was a huge eye-opener. I have a couple of questions: Do you know that you are not able to feel true love? If so, does it make you sad? Do you think that you will be able to live a happy life? I ask this because right now I am in a stage of mourning for Sarah what she will never be able to find. I don’t want her to live an unhappy life without love. Any insight you have on this would be extremely helpful.

      I am also wondering what makes you move on to the next person? My ex is dragging me through legal battle after legal battle and I don’t know what I can do to get her to finally leave me alone? I have cut off contact, which is what everyone recommends. Does the person cutting off contact with you really affect you in a way that makes you realize its time to move on to the next?

      Thank you in advance.

    6. that is not true. females who commit immoral or criminal acts never get punished as badly as men.As for honesty, a sociopath should never be praised for honesty, as it always comes from self interest. This person is clearly playing a game and is probably not a sociopath. “I do not regret many of the things I have done but I reget that I am this way.” No sociopath would feel that, they would say it, but not feel it. This inward critical reflection and regret, is not that of a sociopath.

      A sociopath never does anything for anyone else’s benefit. She sound more like a sadist to me.

      Don’t indulge her.

      1. I appreciate your insight on that. One of the most common mistakes I’ve seen from many of the posters on here is that they believe all socios are pathological liars who lie about everything, even knowing they’ll get caught. While its true a sociopath will lie to their benefit, they’re just as likely to tell the truth if that suits their purpose. Sometimes a liar is just a liar, sometimes a cheater is a cheater, and sometimes an intense person is just an intense person. Notice I’ve made no judgement one way or the other.

      2. Sociopaths are pathological liars. They lie more easily than telling the truth. Even when they do start off telling the truth they degenerate quickly into lies. Sociopaths feel safer behind the lie and the mask of deception. It is where they hide.

      3. There is some truth to this Dustin. What I have experienced though is that if they ARE telling the truth, they will ALWAYS show (ram down your throat) the EVIDENCE that they are telling the truth…. look, see…. lol 🙂

    7. If that was really, seriously, written by a female…I truly feel sorry for every guy who came into your claws. Yet I doubt that you would or could be that honest. SP also lie to themselves, they do not see themselves as in error, but the opposition usually. Yet a very very good description of a hard core female SP… 😉

      And, IF it was really a female who wrote this: although I do not believe in ‘karma is a b**ch’, here I would wish for it. Destructive to the core and only victims and emotional destruction in the path.
      No offense… 😉

      1. PS. My post is referring to the initial disturbing post from FemmePath btw. No offense to everybody else.

  4. Hello,

    I’m a male who is about five months past extracting myself from a relationship with a female who demonstrated sociopathic behavior, if not an outright sociopath. We weren’t married (although I was making plans to ask her this summer) but had lived together for over a year, and dated for four before that, each living on our own. Back in March, I found out she has been seeing another man on the side, for “hooking up” while I travelled for work (an occasional necessity for my job). Sometimes she even made plans to see him and lied to me, saying she was with family or friends. How do I know all this? I accidentally saw one of his text messages one saturday, when she left her phone out in front of me. I looked at it expecting it to be her girl friend, who we expected over, and who frequently got lost on the way to our place. I confronted her, wanting to know who he was, and she lied, saying he was some weird guy friend from college. Her friend showed up, and they went out together, but unconvinced, I went through her old cell phone and found a year’s worth of dirty messages and plans between the two of them. I tried to give her a chance to come clean, but she continued lying, until I presented her with the evidence. To be clear, before any of this occurred, I trusted her entirely and HAD NO CLUE THIS WAS HAPPENING! She confessed to seeing this other man on and off, for most of our relationship. She said she liked the attention. I threw her out at that point, even though she was crying and begging me not to end things. How could I not? She had be lying to me for almost six years.

    Five months later, I’ve cut off all communication with her. Her phone number is blocked, as is her email addresses. I can’t help thinking that the last six years of my life was a lie. My friends have told me not to look at it that way. That she likely loved me when she was with me, but I can’t wrap my head around that. We frequently had problems, usually stemming from our sex life, and would fight about it. They tended to involve her inability to get aroused or lack of needing sex very often. I had blamed myself, since this was also my first serious, adult relationship (I had dated a few women before her, but they never lead to anything serious), and would eventually assume I needed to be more patient. Now I realize it was that she was being fulfilled elsewhere. That also leads me to wonder, if she just wanted to be some guy’s “sport fuck” (please pardon my language), why lead me on with the pretense of a real relationship? There were plenty of times where she could’ve got out, clean! I would’ve never suspected! I paid most of the bills, bought most of the food, and owned most of our furniture. I also lavished her with nice gifts, and like I said, was planning to ask her to marry me this summer. Boy do I feel like a damned fool…

    1. At least she wasn’t a Bunny boiler! Plenty of them around.

      It’s proven women go for the ‘Bad Boy’ image. Next time talk more to your gf about her sexual feelings.. if they feign disgust etc then dump them.. Not worth it.

      Women do tend to go off sex with men they feel comfortable with.
      Trick is to keep the spark alive.
      and not blindly trust.

    2. McC, I’m glad you didn’t marry her and ended up in a worse fix. I’m curious…how could you not have an feeling that she wasn’t cheating on you? I ask this because my ex dumbed me for someone who is attached. I’m trying to figure out how they get away with it? I know it was easy for me to catch on to my ex because he was protective of his cell phone. I’m an independent woman who’s fairly educated and independent and never ask a man to pay for my expenses. This is one of the things my ex felt intimidated about me. I would like to know; why did you think she was worthy of being your wife despite all the signs? I ask this question because I struggle in dating to lead to long-term. I’ve seen go from me to a conniving woman only to ask for me back.

  5. I think that you are aiding them by using “he” instead a of gender neutral term. If all we ever hear on the Radio is that Honda’s break down, it’s just a matter a time before we all believe it’s a problem with Honda’s. Yeah it’s easier to write about by using “he” but in matters like this it only adds to the problem.

  6. John W
    It is just so perfect! Like it was a screen play or a movie. It reminds you of the Sting or the Hustler. You now realize you have been bamboozled. Finally, all the pieces fit together. Thank God! It now makes perfect sense out of a life that made no sense for years and years.
    Your analysis Positivagirl is right on with just a few exceptions in my case. Sex was great before we were married. Once we said the “nuptials” my sex life was over. I was never to be part of her sex life again (27 years). I traveled a lot in my career so you can fill in the details yourself. Whenever I suggested “whoopee” she had more excuses than the Carter pill thing. She made me feel guilty about the sex thing. I do not know how, but I was the bad guy, the pervert for wanting “it” all the time.
    Regarding being the “bread winner”, once my career took a slide down a slippery slope our marriage was over. She filed divorce soon after. She got everything the house, my daughter, etc. In the final separation hearing I was told by the judge that my wife filed divorce because financial pressures on the relationship. Gee that is funny. I don’t remember that being part of “for richer or poorer, ….” or that you can sleep with any man you want as long as your hubby does not become wise.

    1. Hi John, thanks for your comment and welcome to the site 🙂 You know sometimes you have to lose everything to rebuild your life the way that you want it…. but I know what a price to pay 😦 at least knowing the truth – it allows you to move on with your life…. and rebuild!

      1. positivegirl.

        I just found this forum and I am here to stay for awhile – I just became aware of that my breakup with my ex-fiance on Nov. 1, 2013 (5 weeks) ago lived in her her sociopathic world. The environment I moved my life to was foreign to me, a new city, an extremely beautiful, but insecure and abused woman who adored the crap out of me to the point of – “ok don’t you have something productive you can do right now?” Who doesn’t want to be love bombed on all the time. I have been scratching my head for 3 months – I mean I know that I made some mistakes, and looking back she was never there for me as a companion which brought up neglect issues in me. In the end I was to blame for it all when I was there to help her from the start – emotionally. “Nobody knows this about me” sort of past history abuse, with PLENTY or holes and “i don’t remember” blah blah. This girl is smarter than she made her self out to be. In the end, 180 degrees, later after being idolized, then devalued, and finally discarded and told to get out (mind you I am 1,000 miles away from my home and about to fill a 16′ Budget truck ALONE after heart surgery 3 weeks ago (she fell in love with her new boyfriend a week after our split and a week before my surgery – that had risk of death). I received text messages and phone calls on the days she would go see hime for the first time – I HOPE THAT HELPED HER LIE TO HER CONSCIOUS AND TALK TO ME TO FIND SOME ISSUE IN ME TO MAKE IT OK FOR HER TO RUN OFF WITH D.W. – I would continue to call her out for her narcissistic lies – showing evidence to eventually be told that i am harassing her. Well I did move to this country for her, I am not broke, I need help getting home, I have heart surgery take care of, Im kicked out to the other property she rented for me but has cut off the $$ to pay… And the day before surgery texts me “I’m sorry things didn’t work out, i love you” talking about my surgery all while she’s driving back from work and straight to his house only to take him the the NIN show that we planned and have a night of sex and drugs. LOL – I cannot be surprised. I was that guy when we met – And she was such an angel – “she doesn’t do this very often” – Sociopaths. I don’t feel sorry for you, I have compassion – In a way I wonder if the conscious choice to use tactical skills developed when they were children to defend themselves and also get the necessities they want like food, affection – as they grow up the learn to use manipulation to attain what they did not get LOVE. Do they love themselves? I don’t think so.

  7. A Poem For A Female Sociopath: Good Riddens!

    I don’t understand how a person like that has led such a charmed life, as she takes what she likes.

    It was always that way, up til this very day. Pleasantly humming as she gets away. After all she has done, a conscience she has none.

    And she’ll never be sorry because she is empty. The void will grow stronger. The days will grow longer, and little rose ashes will burn her own bridge.

  8. I agree with it all . For me ( and several other of her previous victims ) the thing that stops us all dead in our tracks attempting to recover our cash is the female sociopaths willingness at the drop of a hat to make false rape or assault charges up . Once you learn that they have done this previously without a care in the world , it makes you realise how utterly vulnerable you are . It doesn ‘t matter whether you can proove money transfers or anything else . Once the false accusations start coming , you have a major problem . In my book at least the female can be far more dangerous

    Five or six years into our marital bliss (I try not to be sarcastic but it is my way of healing) I was offered a promotion requiring relocation. It meant the end of the extensive travel I had been doing for years. Thinking that this would help our relationship, I accepted the offer immediately without even consulting with the “little women”. Little did I know the “little women” was happy as a clam at high tide whenever I was out-of-town, oh how digress. Let’s get back to the story.
    The new position required horrendous overtime at the start. I worked an untold number of 100 weeks under significant pressure. One morning I woke up and my vision was blurred. I could not even see across the room. That day I made an appointment with a local practitioner who came highly recommended by my new co-workers. That night I called the “little women” and informed her of my situation. Note we were in the midst of the relocation. We had just bought a new house and we were waiting to close on it. The “little women” remained in our home in Richmond, VA.
    My appointment with the Doctor was devastating! His initial prognosis was that I had a disease where the nervous system deteriorates in 3 to 6 months and you die. No cure, no hope. He scheduled an appointment for me with a specialist to confirm his beliefs. Coincidently the next day, the “little women” was scheduled to fly to our new location for the weekend. In anticipation of her visit I purchased a medical book to read up on this disease. The disease was described pretty much as the Doctor had told me.
    Upon picking the “little women” up from the airport, I told her what the Doctor had said and I gave her the medical reference book to read. She completed reading the medical reference and closed the book. She then looked at me and said “I guess I’ll just move back to Richmond then”. No tears, no cries for a second opinion, no statements like “we will fight this together”, just a clear and concise itinerary for her future without me. As this point you our probably on the edge of your seat waiting for what my response was. It was short, I said “what did you say” as if my ears had deceived me. At that moment she knew she had made a huge blunder and said “nothing, forget it”.
    Not the tiniest bit of empathy! She was only concerned about herself. Obviously, I did not know what this meant at the time. It would take me another 15 years to finally figure it all out. This is only 1 of many “shock & awes”. Each of them is as haunting as this one. I dare say without the internet I would probably still be in the dark. She destroyed my life but I finally figured it out. Most might think that it is not much of a consolation but it is to me. I dearly loved the “little women” and understanding allowed me to let go of a relationship that never, ever existed but in my own mind. Are you in a similar situation, well run, don’t walk! Leave everything behind if you must but get away as fast as you can.
    Oh, by the way the Doctor was wrong, it turned out to be depression (body and mind in a “no win” situation) probably caused by numerous emphatic injuries inflicted by the “little women” and stress.

    1. Keep on chipping away John . Brick by brick . I don t know how you stood it for so long . You must have the constitution of an ox .

      8 months was enough to seriously cause me financial & health problems and work out something was drastically wrong with the ” little woman ”

      Keep on going , just try & do simple routine things . Training with a couple of my mates kept me sane until I could work out what happened . Find something that works for you

  10. What a find this site is and while full recovery will take a lot more time I can at least start the end of blaming myself. Most details seem to matter little as they just echo everything I have read. She came on hard and strong, got what she wanted (Millions made from the sale of an internet business I founded) and when I had nothing, left and was on to her next target. 5 years of torture and the effects still shake me to my core 2 years after I filed for divorce and attempted to regain any sense of self-worth. Loneliness, humility, guilt, shame… And that is just the good days. All the signs were there… beauty, insatiable sex drive, praise, passion, never ending lies, cheating, stealing and of course without ever once a true display of live. I don’t have much contact as she moved on when I became penniless and so there has never been a need for her to keep the con going. In fact she wants little from me other than to believe her life is perfect now.

    But I have read little about the wreckage done to children destroyed by this and in regards to  “fairness”, it PALES in comparison to what I went though. I opened the door, invited her in and ignored early warning signs and concerns from astute family who were onto her from day one. My seven year old daughter from a previous marriage, fell head over heels for her pursuit of deception and to this day, can’t understand these adult behaviors. My daughter fed into the same trap I did and also thought, with all the innocence of a child, she was being loved by this manipulating woman. I accept that life is not fair but the hurt, anger and guilt for my child that I feel is probably one reason why I still am struggling after so long. I also had another daughter with her who is now almost three and I wanted to inquire about a sociopaths eventual fate. Her biggest fear that I know of is growing old, and losing her good looks. 5-10 years from now will fly by. We have split custody and she rarely spends time with the baby, allowing her mother to do most of her parenting responsibility but she will parade the child around and make a big fuss (if anyone is watching). Is that just part of her cover, as there is no real target? She also suffers from substance abuse addiction (but would NEVER consider a 12 step program) and claims God and her faith have made her current life of sobriety “Just perfect”. Also, drinking for her is okay now and then as its not a Hard Drug (her belief, not mine). I am concerned for the child we share. What is most likely going to happen when her looks are taken? How does this usually play out? Addiction might take her first, she has a very long criminal record, and I’m very worried for the baby still caught in the middle.

    Thanks again for being my miracle today and every person who has been affected by this will be in my prayers for a full recovery and a return to the happiness and beautiful life that was intended.

  11. i had a female sociopath experience, she was on the job. she came after me with a plan to steal property or to gain position of power on the job or to just show others she could control me so she thought. her motives became very cloudy when she found out i started taking notes on her behavior and words and everyone around her. the contradictions i saw from the get go and also the disrespect for my beliefs and my house. she would not be on time and would disrespect my schedule all the time. her lies became more and more steady when she found out i studied body language. she had to lie all the time so her body language would not reveal the lies. it was over after the 2nd week but because i had to work with her she would use triangulation with others to get her foot back in the door. she would be in the real nice phase for about 2 weeks at a time then she would revert back to her games when she thought i believed her again. i never believed her by the way! i did hope she would change and get better but she only got worse. her words were always opposite of her actions. she tried to provoke me many times to get me fired or get me to get angry to go to jail, after she found out i knew what she was and was exposing her slowly over time, but neither of them i let happen.
    she is a master manipulator and she uses 3rd parties to do her dirty work so she looks clean. she has a ahab as a boss so she can get by with anything and i call it the jezebel spirit that controls her. she wants power at all cost. she tried to belittle and to tear down when she saw i was stronger than she ever expected. she had no clue that i had the knowledge in advance of her kind and she was not prepared for me showing her my notes and all the proof that she was a player and a sociopath. i even put it in her face and she still thought she could win her game. she did not win her game but after i finally left work i am sure she is trying to make others think she won the game. i left the job because i was tied of seeing her face and i was tied of the ahab letting her keep doing her dirty work and causing strife and confusion. the motive i discerned from her was this! 1)power trip 2)control 3)image in front of others 4)her insecurities are so deep she has to mask it to herself lying to her own self. 5)i think she wanted her x and another guy to fight so she could get custody of her children again, maybe someone would go to jail or get hurt and she would have her children. not because she loved her children but because of the money supply they would bring from the state. 6)she even admitted being a player when she was younger.
    note: they always reveal what they are with little weird comments that o not make any sense whatsoever. i call it a glitch in the matrix. they reveal by weird little comments they have evil intent and then when you say something like “what did you just say” they laugh it off and say they were just joking. they will always speak dirty jokes and say weird ad odd twisted and perverted things. their evil heart has to reveal what they are inside it has to come out of their mouth sooner or later. if you want to know more about them just study the jezebel spirit and and you will see the root.

  12. I fell for a woman I strongly suspect is a sociopath when I was just learning about myself. It almost ruined me but at the same time her criticism of me made me want to be more. I actually kind of suspect i might be a sociopath too.

    Anyway, we were together for years and I always suspected she was cheating and sleeping around. She is definitely one of the most beautiful women I have ever dated and I have dated some gorgeous girls.

    When we met I had the suspicion that she was seeing a few men at the same time, it turned out she hadn’t broken up with her “violent” boyfriend at the time her and I started seeing each other, and one night it slipped that she had also been sleeping with a guy named kevin.

    Anyway, we broke off and got back together. 3 years later we were going up and down. I was paying for her studies, she claimed to be near broke. In one month it came to a head. I heard rumors of people seeing her on Cocaine in bathrooms, handing her number to other men while we were out, etc.

    One day she just came to me and told me that she had accepted a job in Dubai and was leaving at the end of the month. She immediately broke it off and even had another date for her farewell 2 weeks later, inviting my group of friends to see her off.

    Oddly we kept seeing each other on and off. It screwed with my head for years. I always believed I would one day marry her. Recently we had coffee again and then went on a date. Somehow it just seems transparent now. I can see her saying things to bait me. She’ll feed me information about other men that are “friends”. Tell me how other men are more attractive, wealthier, better in bed, how she travelled to spain for 5 days with a famous dancer. – i just kind of suspected that my feeling this was to “bait” me was just my jealousy. I assumed she just admired these guys.

    Once apparently she bragged to a friend saying “let me show you what I can make him do” – she then came to me and told me that some boy had groped her and slapped her. I chased him away to be the alpha i felt she needed, poor chap jumped over a fence.

    When we broke up, that week she brought a guy to the place myself and my friends hung out and it ended in massive fights.

    It just all seems to me that this was a game for her. I have a lot to thank her for though. I had a seriously bad childhood and was never really driven to do anything with my life.

    After her I got 3 diplomas and want to do an MBA. I am now disciplined in my spending and have goals for a few businesses.

    Oddly I created the desire and practice to win her back, apart of me is saying “in 2 years you will ask her to marry you and she will never be able to turn you down” – but 60/70% of me hopes I never really do that.

    After our recent discussions I just know that she has a history of men with ups and downs, intense break ups. The odd thing is the celebrities and successful people that she has dated dont keep her around.

    Does it sound like she is a sociopath? The story is a little one sided, but when i think of my contribution to our relationship it includes building a home, paying for everything, driving her everywhere…I sacrificed a lot. And she did say she wanted to get married.

    It kinda all makes sense, but if its true I feel for her. Her family was great and I owe her a lot. Nuts or not it comes down to “would I let her help me raise my daughter” – the answer is no. Not with her moral compass – sociopath or not. I would rather marry outside of love than raise kids in that kind of household.

    1. Hi Crux, thank you for sharing your story and welcome to the site!! 🙂 You know that the way forward – for your own sanity and peace of mind – is No contact…. to establish it and keep going…..

    2. Crux, man! Run like h___ in the opposite direction!
      The fact that you are still wondering if your ex is a sociopath, or if you are just too sensitive, reveals that you are still under her spell.
      DO NOT ask her to marry you! Instead, work on raising your healthy self-awareness to a full 100%. Consider getting some counseling to find out why you were, and still are, drawn to her in the first place. When your own wounds are healed, you’ll be better able to have a healthy relationship with a mentally and emotionally stable woman.

  13. That’s pretty spot on. It makes you think how many men go to their graves not even realizing their “soul mate” never cared a bit for them. So much of what a female sociopath “gets” is seen as what a woman should get and a man provide. So their actions are camouflaged. When you, as a man, realize the truth and are on the angry end of a female sociopath…. there are few clear things you can point out. They are almost always believed and even suggesting they are a sociopath or that they put themselves ahead of their children makes you look bitter and nasty.

    Your own solicitor will even be on their side at times. People will ignore an obvious track record of lying and keep believing her. You see this in munchausen by proxy, which only really gets serious as a mothers word is seen as golden. That all mothers put their children first.

    If a man gets angry, which she will enjoy doing then play the victim, people view it much worse than if a woman does. If she gets angry the man was picking on her. If she takes your child from you, leaves the country, lies about you… and you send abusive texts… all people will focus on is your reaction.

    As men tend to be the more “pro active” ones in the mating game, they are just happy with a lot of attention and love, easily taken in. Whereas women tend to be more selective and also used to advances and flattery from men, so they aren’t as swayed by it. A man will have to recieve a hell of a lot more lovey dovey texts than a woman before they say…. this is a bit much.

    The worst is, for me anyway and I doubt I am alone, loving your child and knowing you x doesn’t. Them using your child to hurt you which hurts your child. The mother almost always is the main guardian and can mess around access your child has with you on a whim, for revenge or whatever reason she wants. They will justify this with the most horrible things, like they worry about the child’s safety around you…. this make her look even better as it is perceived as her being a good mother.

    It is utter hell. She can do almost anything … even when it’s overt, she gets away with it.

    In my case, 6 years of I love you and you’re so great, constant texts, sending me knickers on valentines day even when we were not romantically together, …. then, an apartment she can bring a man back to, a text from a guy who like her, next day I am demonised and the new man is moved in. Sleeping over, with my sons knowledge and introduction, building furniture with her dad for his room..ALL THIS WITHIN 3 WEEKS! I don’t see my son for eight months. By the end of the year she is 3 months pregnant and living with him.Engaged. No one bats an eye. And that’s just the start.

    1. I feel bad for all you boyz. Im a Sociopath woman and you can blame yourselves for falling into our trap. Start thinking more and less with your dick. Ive read all of these comments and im all of the above. I wreck lives for a living. But im also very sick (mentally ill) and it is what it is. Karma has paid me a dear price but i deserved it. Im still doing it to this day. Be careful and if you stay away from me you’ll stay out of my “Trap.” Good luck.

      1. ” I feel bad for all you boyz. ” empathy? Or just to set us up for your subsequent attack? “you can blame yourselves for falling into our trap. Start thinking more and less with your dick”

      2. @Using people
        Since you know the steep price of your actions, do you ever consider doing something differently, you know, just out of curiosity to see what happens? If not, it’s quite paradoxical for you to blast men for thinking one way, if you can’t similarly change your way of thinking to decrease repurcussions to your own actions. Maybe identifying with single-mindedness is what attracts you to a certain type man. Sounds like the same boat to me…

  14. Hi Posativagirl,

    I think you are generally right that female and male sociopaths share most of the key underlying characteristics. They share the “what” of sociopathy (male and female socios have no conscience) and they also share the “how” of sociopathy (they are able to lie, manipulate and maneuver because they have no concrete sense of self, no self-concept like a normal empath does).

    There are a few things that can help men avoid sociopath women, however. And these bits of advice – litmus tests, really – are worth sharing to protect the well-meaning, genuine men out there who want to build real relationships and strong families.

    First, Martha Stout is right that all sociopaths leverage PITY to disable a victim’s rational faculties. But female sociopaths seem to overdo this, and it’s a tell you cannot miss in hindsight. Instead of saying that she got out of one bad relationship, it’s that she has “always” met the wrong men or “always” been treated poorly in some specific fashion. In short, the pity play is dramatic and will tend to leave you wondering why this person hasn’t made positive changes on her own.

    Second, female sociopaths always have ENABLERS. If you read ME Thomas’s book Confessions of a Sociopath, you might miss this. But she always has people around her she can count on to validate her intelligence, cunning, and devil-may-care way of manipulating the world.

    Third, female sociopaths DEFLECT ACCORDING TO A DEFINED PATTERN. If you bring up a problem, a female sociopath will follow a protocol (specific to her) that can be understood once you’ve experienced that pattern a few times. One that I knew would always follow this sequence when challenged: (1) Emote Puzzlement – (2) Ask Many Questions – (3) Feign Confusion About Solution. This is just one example, of course. Each sociopath has her own protocol.

    So if you think you’re dealing with a female socipath, ask yourself the following:

    – Does she overdo appeals for pity?

    – Are there clueless “friends” around her that she appears not to fully endorse or approve of as equals that you know are useful to maintaining her self-image?

    – When challenged, does she do anything and everything to avoid handling the issue like an adult (i.e., appropriately and in a timely fashion)?

    To my way of thinking, 2 or more yes answers to these questions proves you have a sociopath on your hands.


    1. Great comment Logan, and a lot for me to think about as well. I am sure that there will be people who find your comment of use to them. I don’t know a massive amount about female sociopaths, as I am not one and would never date one. I haven’t worked with one (that I am aware of) not a diagnosed one (although I have worked with diagnosed males). I really should read Martha Stouts book. I have heard a lot of good things about it.

      1. No worries at all, I hope it helps. Anyone who has follow up questions can post them here and I’ll do my best to reply.

        Men really don’t have anywhere to turn until it’s far too late. We have everything working against us – our personal pride, the hope that it will work out with the woman we love, and society’s general hostility toward allowing us to confront our feelings and deal with them head on.

      2. We do have quite a lot of male victims of female sociopaths that post on this site. I would say ratio is probably 85 – 90% female to 10 – 15% males who post here. So any help for male victims, is so welcome. Thank you! 🙂

  15. Yes, I agree there are many female sociopaths. I’m not a guy but I am a female who was a victim of a male sociopath; whom I believe left me for a woman who’s clearly a sociopath as well. When he broke up with me after I let her know about me being with him, I had texted her to apologize about they way she had found out the truth about him. This woman had the nerve to tell me she wasn’t mad at me. That she was playing him and she is engaged to get married to someone else. Then, she called me and bragged about him giving her money and buying her stuff. When I heard this, I started thinking what kind of person she must be. I kicked into investigative mode and background check her through the use of her phone number. I was shocked to find out this woman was already married and I felt like a fool; I was played by her and my boyfriend. I called him up and told him he was garbage and she is a liar as well as a cheater like him. He allowed this woman to call and text me from his phone to leave harassing messages. I would fire back at her but it was fueling both of them with power. So, I stopped responding. So, I’m convinced she is a sociopath as well. Is it possible for fellow sociopath people to date each other? I believe he’s already cheating on her now because she started going through his phone late at night. She reads my old emails to him and started again sending harassing messages saying “You still texting my man? Haha. Move on you fat bitch.”. I called him and told him about her sending messages through his phone. I told him if he doesn’t stop her that I will file a harassment compliant with the police. He apologized and she hasn’t contacted me any further. So, are they two sociopath people dating each other?

    1. Do you know for sure it was her contacting you. Not him faking she was doing it through his phone. Also if it was her, you don’t know what lies he has told her about you (he definitely would of) he might have been lying to her, saying you were trying to break them up. Or that you had said things about her. Socios love to play people off against each other.

      1. look, again, blame the male? but you attacked me for advising caution in advise mildly suggesting exactly what you did here???? what is your problem with men?

      2. Where would you get the idea that I have an issue with men? The only one with an issue with gender on here, is you. You are not even particularly good at deflecting. I suggest you take time out and chill and stop making wild accusations that simply have no bearing on reality.

      3. well, have the decency not to delete my posts, the honesty, and let you subscribers decide. you wi=on’t here from me again unless I am addressed. I was open, honest and male, which are not welcome here… no, it’s not just me.

        be honest and say no men in future.

      4. Why I don’t want your negativity here. That is my right. As this is my site. The reason for it. Is because this is a place for support, not attacking people. I won’t tolerate you or anyone saying that all women are dishonest and your hatred you posted. If a female posted attacks and hatred I would also challenge that too.

  16. Yes, I know it was her because she has contacted me through her phone. She knows the truth clearly because the night I was with him; she kept calling as well as texting asking why he wasn’t answering her calls. I played it cool the next morning; while he was taking a shower, I called her from his phone leaving a message stating he didn’t answer the phone because I’m here. I even put my bra in one of her boots that I found in his closet. So, she knows the truth without a doubt. However, in regards to me knowing its her calling me again and not him, I know his sleeping patterns. The calls would only occur on the weekends (that’s when she visits him) between the hours of 12am to 2:19am. Then, being that she would not get a response from me on his phone, she would text from her phone. Even, copied my email from my ex’s phone and send an email from her phone. Lastly, this woman has no class and her dialect is ghetto style. I can tell the difference in the writing and my ex doesn’t stay up that late at night. Heks 57 years old and don’t have the energy. LoL! Also, she’s done the same action before calling me. I answered one time and she started cursing at me; like the tramp she is. It doesn’t because she’s a liar and a cheater like him. I found that out by checking her out.

  17. Hi Positivagirl, Yes, I know it was her because she has contacted me through her phone. She knows the truth clearly because the night I was with him; she kept calling as well as texting asking why he wasn’t answering her calls. I played it cool the next morning; while he was taking a shower, I called her from his phone leaving a message stating he didn’t answer the phone because I’m here. I even put my bra in one of her boots that I found in his closet. So, she knows the truth without a doubt. However, in regards to me knowing its her calling me again and not him, I know his sleeping patterns. The calls would only occur on the weekends (that’s when she visits him) between the hours of 12am to 2:19am. Then, being that she would not get a response from me on his phone, she would text from her phone. Even, copied my email from my ex’s phone and send an email from her phone. Lastly, this woman has no class and her dialect is ghetto style. I can tell the difference in the writing and my ex doesn’t stay up that late at night. Heks 57 years old and don’t have the energy. LoL! Also, she’s done the same action before calling me. I answered one time and she started cursing at me; like the tramp she is. It doesn’t because she’s a liar and a cheater like him. I found that out by checking her out.

  18. Here is a great example of a sociopath. Watch the questioning by the prosecutor. THe sociopath, always blaming others, look at her, constantly excuses …. trying to present herself as good looking, clever “compound question” …. big ego, it dominates her. The prosecutor is excellent, he destroys her…. with her help.

    Her tactics, probably worked very well in relationships…. but with a professional prosecutor where she can’t do that, in a court room with rules, sociopaths hate rules they think they are above rules. Rules they must follow are repulsive to them.

    If you find a clear case of wrongdoing by a female and you confront her and you seem to be constantly led on tangents, subject changing and your mind just getting scrambled. That is a sign. If you lose your temper and YOU end up apologizing, watch out.

    In this documentary, particularly when she is on the stand being grilled, watch how she always diverts blame, watch how she tries to dominate. Ego and indigence at having to obey rules or standards are tells of all sociopaths, but as it is harder to see female ones, watch out for these very closely.

    In an argument, get your point very clear. Insist on it being addressed, don’t get sidetracked. Stay very controlled and calm and in control. Don’t be aggressive or emotional. Disregard tangents, if they are valid say you can discuss that after but you want this one thing cleared up first.

    THis is very angering to a sociopath. They will get angry or shut down/leave. This was the case with mine. Backed into a corner when they can’t escape an issue. They can completely flip out, as a tactic and genuinely in anger at you having the control and the cheek to expect an answer.

    It is my view that female sociopaths are very common. I have known on male and one female. When it hits you or you find out they were up to something and it didn’t effect how they talked to you etc. It is shocking. The sociopath is where you end up when nothing else explains their behaviour usually. Then as you look at things, the fog lifts and the truth becomes very clear/

  19. Thank you PG for creating the forum : ) Very interesting sin’t it? To see one in action. She is a classic, not as clever as she thinks she is, which let’s us see how one operates.

  20. oh my word. It just hit me how hard it really must be for men that have dated female sociopaths. It may be harder for men than woman. and Im also happy,im not a female sociopath. you men….you are the salt of the earth for putting up with these seductresses(sp)…..wow.

  21. thanks for saying that bobble. the trouble is, we can never trust any woman again. It is a terrible situation. All women appear exactly the same, not from persecution, all women behave like sociopaths. They may not be, but it is impossible to tell.

    More-so maybe, once you start to like a woman, you have gone to far and can’t trust your own perceptions. It is very hard to think ill of someone you love. You just cannot do it.

    If you cannot go through the “getting to know you” stage and naturally fall in love, can you at all? It takes a long time to see if a female is a sociopath… that kills things before they start.

    Add to that the fact that if you do fall for someone in that period you won’t be as able to see it, and if you do it will be very painful. The only answer is to completely reject romantic love. For yourself, my parents are very happily married and get on amazingly well and not in a boring way, they still really enjoy each others company, chat, laugh, and all the rest.

    It could happen, but even if a woman is not a sociopath and you have a child with her… most use your child to hurt you and everyone sides with the woman regardless of what she does. Come on, Sharon Osborne said it was “marvellous” that a woman cut off her husband’s penis, and the whole panel laughed and joined in.

    I went to court with my sons mother, she was being investigated for child abuse with her current boyfriend, but I called her a slut and a bitch… so that meant I would lose.

    I see this is down to feminism and in part human nature to see women as good and in need of protection. But it is wrong and the next time someone asks “where are all the good men gone” remember this.

    Never again will I see women the same again, not just because of her, whom I actually set apart from others, but the women around her, the school, the psychologists, the state.

    If a man asked me, I would say never trust women. I know there are women not like this, but the risk is too high. If I said to you “one in ten of these parachutes will not open” would you jump?

    Date one, your heart is broken, have a child with one and have it ripped out and know your amazing little child who loves their mother so much, is not loved in return.

    1. This is so sad…It truly is…I believe love is always “worth it”…and now that you are educated on what sociopaths are and do, you are much more likelier to see threw them. Love is so beautiful and I will never give up on it. I’ve been involved with two of them and my mother is one also. I have to keep believing that one day I will meet a good soul and we will grow in love together. I mean after all, isn’t that what life is all about? I would hate to not have any hope in love. I’m sorry you went through so much with your ex and I hope you heal to a point where you can give love a chance again. That was a great analogy with the parachutes and I can totally see what you saying…but we are talking about love here and you are still breathing after the path. Good luck Daniel and thank you for your comments here. Thanks Pgirl for your site too. This place is so validating and helps me get through the day. Hugs to you all.

      1. thanks shannon, but I would be jumping with my son. I will not expose him to that. he has enough to deal with. the fact we are talking about love, and it’s power,and the very high chance of being abused, not even by a sociopath, in a world where men are bad and women are good, is exactly why I cannot even consider it. In a non misandry filled world, where lying mothers are seen for that, maybe …. but that is not the world we live in. maybe when feminism is exposed, things will be different. thank you for your kind words, maybe you should take some action in the bigger picture? no man can risk loving and having a family and see it as a reasonable option in the state we are.

  22. Wow, while I know I am not this way (I am female). I understand why men or women for this matter can feel this way when coming out of relationships with people who have personality disorders, and or other issues (my ex is also an addict/alcoholic/gambler.). The healing process takes time. First you really must heal and love your self before you can, even take on a relationship with someone else. Daniel, I truly feel your pain with your child. My ex does everything he can to turn my children against me. I do my best to not “offend” my children about their father, (he is a louse, we all know, they know it too). But it’s the only father they have. I just know my boundaries, and I make him follow the court order. End of discussion. But it doesn’t stop your heart from hurting. I know it’s sounds stupid, but time really does heal. Best wishes and prayers.


    1. normaliboring.. the fact you say ” I understand why men or women for this matter can feel this way ” means you actually don’t understand at all. I know you are being kind, but you haven’t the first clue. Family court allows every woman to be a sociopath, an abuser and more, it doesn’t allow a father to call her a bitch. That is the reality. We live in a society where you cannot spot female sociopaths as female behaviour is expected to contain almost all sociopathic traits, men do not have this nor should they. It is not an equal proposition, society cheers men being kicked in the nuts and beaten and taking their children and money… that is the way it is. There are not two sides to the coin. You will find a good man in all likelihood, the same does not go for men finding a good woman. Look around, men worldwide are rejecting marriage, chivalry and women… why? because of feminism, law, double standards … we are honest, women are, in the majority, dishonest.

      1. Now you’re on the opposite extreme of this issue. You can’t generalize men are honest and women are, in the majority, dishonest. It just isn’t true. In your case, you encountered circumstances where the rule maker didn’t dig deeper. That is all. Sometimes, that happens. Sometimes, it can happen to women in reverse. It depends on a person’s predispositions. Try not to make a societal case out of your personal experience though, even if you sympathize with others who share similar experiences. You’re not helping a thing (including yourself) by calling women dishonest. I know I am not dishonest. I can’t be the only one here who isn’t.

      2. justagirl… the whole point of the article, is what I am saying. If I am the opposite, what am I the opposite of? the issue you say.

        My view is my view, it is always useful for people to speak honestly. Otherwise we seek out echo chambers where we will only here the same view!

        One fact, men have much more to lose in marriage than women. One irrefutable support of this is what men have to lose is far more than women do. As the piece states it is difficult to spot female sociopaths because that behaviour is hidden by social norms of gender.

        My point is not personal, I found out about how bad it was from personal experience. But I always view my ex as a sociopath, not as a woman. My experience of life, crime and punishment stats, media representation etc. confirmed that whether a woman is a sociopath or not, she can behave like one and no one bats an eye. As PG says in her piece.

        Your rejection of reality, is personal and subjective, not mine. If you can make a case make it, saying I am wrong is your opinion, not fact.

        To be fair, I was blunt, but also to be fair, you ignored my situation an put you view, as the view.

        Look at this and think how you would feel living in a world where this was the norm, except against women! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VKgwczruOSQ

      3. “This is sexism and hatred towards women. Again. You couldn’t help the same pattern repeating Daniel could you. Same pattern always repeats.” the only patern repeating here is your misandry and viciousness if you see male comments you don’t like. If a man talks about you saying “he” all the time, you attack, if a man talk, even in line with this article against how women are har to spot you attack, you even start using what I have said here to suggest I am the sociopath when you are the one who changes from friendly to vicious with a click of your fingers…. and so personal and hurtful!!!

        your own words “This is sexism and hatred towards women. Again. You couldn’t help the same pattern repeating Daniel could you. Same pattern always repeats.” The only pattern is with you, EVERY TIME you get annoyed you turn vicious and there are no holds barred! you have no feeling, you have to to do that! you need complete gratification and compliance.

        You are a sociopath, this is your killing jar.

      4. The Same pattern does repeat with you. You started attacking posters and saying all women were dishonest. I have never once said anything derogatory about men. I wouldn’t either. It doesn’t reflect my views.

      5. Oh Daniel, I am sorry you don’t understand, as I have been fighting for my children, my younger 2 currently and my older 2 for over 20 years, and being called a “bitch and a slut” where the least of his offenses. The court is fully aware, as I file contempt charges on everything he does, not in compliance with his court order. “But I am trying so hard to be a good dad”, (awarded him 10% more custody, oh I was upset, he’s a druggie/alcoholic and drives drunk, really!) I wasn’t aware it was so difficult, when my ex sat there in court professing “the children are your life”. Because for me, I am the same “mom” since I was 16. For him it’s about money, and trying to control and posses me, which I am like good luck, bucko! He is about to discard girlfriend/wife #3 so the children will be in this hand, again. I am afraid you don’t realize your ex is using the child as a pawn. The children will get older and get sick of the game too. My son is getting there, my daughter still wants daddy to be the greatest ever. It’s very painful to watch. As I know, he loves no one. She will hate him one day, which really hurts me for her. I don’t want her to have anger for him. I want her to understand he is who he is, unchangeable. I hope this helped a little.


      1. by the war justagirl, you have completely ignored FemmePath who says “I am violent and volitile, but only behind closed doors. I enjoy watching men cry because they do not understand what is happening” and “What I look for in a man is excitement and adoration. I like them to be like lapdogs.” and goes on to say “I am guilty of drugging men that act as if they might say no and pressurising them… I don’t like taking no for an answer. I love it all the more if they are unexperienced and I can be the teacher.” but that matter not a jot to you! me saying men are more honest than women is what get your back up!

        You, have just proved me right!!! But you will never accept that as women like you never can. I am talking about you when I talk about honesty and why men should avoid women, you have no sense of fairness, or even objectivity!

        A woman saying this doesn’t eve register, but a man saying men are more honest than women does!!!! are you serious?

  23. posgirl, the misandry on this site is not helpful. If you want to thank female sociopaths …. you don’t know or don’t care about them. that completely nullifies everything you say and reinforces the article you wrote to the degree it could be taken as saying men should view all women as sociopaths.

    Please don’t block, delete or attack .. it would be a bit much after thanking a female sociopath politely for talking about raping and abusing men.

    My god, what is wrong with women? It appears you expect decency but beyond that have absolutely no sense of it.

    1. Out of interest Daniel, you say that your ex is a socio. Yet you have so much hatred. Rage and bitterness hatred witnessed by a socio. Why are you unable to fight to get access to your child in court? As if your rage bitterness and hatred is akin to what you display here. It does make me wonder, who was the victim?

      1. that’s nasty pg, especially considering how welcoming you are to a sadistic sociopath. why do you always play the man not the ball in these situations?

        “It does make me wonder, who was the victim?” this comment is extremely nasty, why would you turn on me, again, so quickly. Emotion and anger, are not hatred. Most people understand that.

        You really are a sexist aren’t you. I made valid points and you go for the throat. our whole comment os so nasty and cold and you turn on a dime when you need to against people. That is the sign of a sociopath.

        You know I have been through hell, you sypathize when agreed with, but the moment you see something you don’t like you turn extremely vicious!

        This is the second time. I have opened myself up here, even after your first attack, I let that go… but you stick the blade in so fast… I thought it before, but your reaction to me talking about the focus only on male sociopaths, then you response to female sociopath, the your response to my anger at an attacking post at me, you constant blaming others when contradicted or aggrieved.

        Are male victims welcome here at all, female ones are, female sociopaths are…. have you ever thought you might be one?

        will you delete me now, keep up the attack on someone who thought this was a safe place even after already being attacked? If you cannot understand my upset, it’s not hate and in fact is pretty much in line with your article, what does that say?

      2. Daniel, you wrote that women are dishonest. I have never hated men. Or inferred that all men are like a sociopath male (or female). This site is not focused on any gender. It was written as a blog TO my ex. That is why earlier posts are ‘he’ I have already explained this to you. In this thread alone you have been insultive and attacking to two other members.

  24. justagirl…
    >>>It’s “Jusagurl”, actually…
    One fact, men have much more to lose in marriage than women. One irrefutable support of this is what men have to lose is far more than women do. As the piece states it is difficult to spot female sociopaths because that behaviour is hidden by social norms of gender.
    >>>Wrong again. It is not irrefutable that men have more to lose than women. In fact, I’ve only been with two men out of a dozen who made more than I do, and that’s for starters. I have more accomplishments, more connections, a child. If you want to start generalizing, most men don’t raise their children, the women do. That means most of those we date have a lot more free time (aka: less responsibility) and don’t understand what it takes for us to even make plans with them.
    My point is not personal, I found out about how bad it was from personal experience.
    >>>That’s what I said, Daniel, it was from your “personal experience”. Please reread.
    Your rejection of reality, is personal and subjective, not mine. If you can make a case make it, saying I am wrong is your opinion, not fact.
    >>>You calling it reality doesn’t make it so, Daniel. Your generalizations, in FACT, are wildly sweeping and therefore, to use your term, “subjective”. Don’t worry about replying to this, I’ve actually lost interest.

  25. explain your anger at me and not the rapist abuser female!

    I won’t go through all your BS but this “My point is not personal, I found out about how bad it was from personal experience.
    >>>That’s what I said, Daniel, it was from your “personal experience”. Please reread.” Please you, re read and you will see I am clearly not talking from personal experience.

    If my view is wrong, prove it! show how decent mothers lose there children and decent fathers don’t. I referred to the article, you referred to you opinion.

    If you want to say something is refutable, refute it. Is it a generalization that mothers have massive positive bias in family court? my “personal” experience would say no, and the views of my solicitors, which is not personal would say no, ALL the facts say no.

    “>>>It’s “Jusagurl”, actually…” so what?… why even mention a typing error?

    My opinion is not given as accepted fact, my reference to fact is. Re read!

    Every thing you have said is subjective and personal, what I have said has been both and I specified what was personal and what I was stating as fact. You did not state anything as fact or refute anything with fact.

    You get annoyed with me, not an abuser ad sadist… you deny men get the dirty end of the stick in family court…. you are not seeing past the tip of your own nose!

  26. I don’t hate women, I opened myself up here, but that was clearly a mistake. I should have learned that from my first attack from you.

  27. I gave my view and made clear I wasn’t talking about all women. you said yourself what I said about society and female behaviour. you thank a woman who abuses men but attack a man who has a negative view of women’s, not all women’s, honesty for the very reasons you spell out in your article.

    1. Your words are there Daniel. For the record it’s almost Christmas and almost the anniversary of my daughter’s death. Right now your issues are not important to me. Take it elsewhere. Am sick and tired of your hatred towards women. Right now I have more important things that mean something to me to think about.

  28. well I am sorry to hear that, my thoughts are with you. It is a shame yours are selective to gender. I don’t hate women. My comments have been expansive and inclusive, yours are only that way when agreed with or from women. Any challenge or mention of a bias on the sight is met with instant hostility.

    If it suits you to say I am full of hate, that is your choice.

    It would have been better if you had decided where your priorities lay before attacking me and using what I said about my experience against me. That was very nasty, trust betrayed. I won’t make that mistake again and speak in a supposed safe space again.

    Thanks for the lesson. I thought I had leaned to avoid this, but then again, I was vulnerable… not that that matters to you. keep ignoring my supportive posts, but thanks for at least not deleting them.

    1. No after we had words. You were being very supportive. But for some reason you have switched and gone to the dark side. As this is my site. It is my responsibility to challenge that when you are attacking and insulting other members. I don’t know what is going on with you. So I won’t judge. But you are capable of being better than this. Don’t let bitterness consume you. It will eat you up and destroy you. Sometimes things happen in life that are not fair. I learned that. Life is not always fair. Believe me, there are lots of people male and female with their own crosses to bear and for some. There is no hope the only thing you can do is find your own peace and acceptance.

  29. “We all have our crosses to carry in life” but you only see yours. Being vicious and personal is your behaviour, you show no consideration at all for me… or deaths I may have experienced, which I have, but I would not dare share that with you. look at yourself, your nasty and uncalled for comments… then ask who has the issue. you do judge, very harshly and with no mercy or restraint. I didn’t attack anyone who had not attacked me, criticism is not attack. you should learn that and stop blaming others, as you did before and another commenter noted. So I said it and another commenter did, but the whole army is out of step but you. goodbye and thanks for being so considerate.

  30. ye, people say to me “he’ll (my son) will find out what she is really like when he is older” … as if that is anything but a nightmare for me. I don’t want that for him. He loves her, superficially she loves him.

    normalisboaring (great handle by the way) I do understand. Your situation sounds awful. I understand that. As I said, she is a sociopath and her way is just her and not a reflection on women. So I don’t know what you think I don’t understand?

    It seems to me, you don’t understand, maybe because of how I put it. Family court is heavily weighted in favour of women and against men. So is society in these matters.

    Your experience seems different, awful. But it is the exception, not the norm. That is my point, not the exception.

    Name calling were the worst of my offences and given what she had done were not really even comparable. ‘But that was all that counted.

    I have my son with me every weekend and after school one day, drop him off the next morning. I had hoped we could sort things out for his sake, but that can’t happen … she wants things hostile. So I have to back off and accept that.

    Does that help make things clearer?

    1. p.s. my first time in conflict with the “host” was about her saying a mother always loved and so felt more pain at the loss of a child than a father. That no father could understand this but clearly saying she could understand and diminish all father’s grief.

      1. Additional, I would like to think any person who has lost their child, mother or father, their whole world would stop and crash as they know it. How they cope with their grief, loss, (or guilt) is their personal story of recovery. It’s not for any one of us to judge, it’s for us to support when they need us. Because who can truly fathom such a horrendous loss. Sometimes, a comment may be interpreted out of context, but in reality possibly more of a heartfelt personal one, felt at the moment, not meant for anyone directly, just a thought. Which is what the site is for, thoughts. Surly you can see someone’s personal pain, as others can sit back and see yours. Just a thought to put out there, no one is perfect.


    2. Daniel – let me start by saying, I don’t view NS’s any different male or female, they are both the same evil, demonic creature, just different body parts. Unfortunately, the county I live in (Ca, USA). Is very big on children “need both parents”, regardless of how sick or disturbed the individual is. Also if the child (or children) can intelligently articulate to the mediator their desires of who they wish to live with, and it’s within the best interest of the child(ren), and the desires of the child(ren). Biggest crock of dung ever, with this being said, I have to sit here silently and document, watching him destroy their souls with the same false love you speak of. Waiting for the discard. Because my children choose to be with their father,(how could they not when he’s buying them everything, he’s so magnificent)! I understand your hurt, pain, and frustration with the court. Because how could the court be so blind to what you see so easily, (I flat out out pointed out his cycle to the mediator, ignored). What I think you may not realize, is the NS want to invoke negative reaction, emotion, and despair from their victims. It’s how they continue to control over us. Once we are able to master “poker face” our emotions, body language, facial expressions and verbal/written responses, (okay, almost all aspect). It’s no longer fun, for the NS the game is over. This is all, I wish someone had told me this years ago in my custody battle. Keep to your order, no special requests, file contempt when applicable. Communicate via email only, (no long convos, 2-3 sentences max, pertaining to subject matter only). Document drop off/pick up times and any *extras in a custody calendar. Most of all it’s not a “competition” of love, you want your child to have a healthy love for the other parent. You can not control the other parent (and their “parenting styles”), just your positivity and attitude. I hope this helps, I like my handle too, lol. I would like to know what boring is! My dad says it’s nice lol!!

  31. do you accept my point? the world is not of the thinking that both parents are equal? to put it mildly. It is an obvious and quantified problem. I can show you if you can’t see it, if you are willing.

    The “other parent” is a sociopath. As I have said, saying that is so extreme, you must exhaust all other explanations before saying that is so.

    It seems to me, the responses I get are ignoring the elephant in the room.

    My situation, yours, are not relevant regarding our partners who hurt us, they are not people in the true sense.

    1. by the way, an evil being an evil regardless of gender, has no relevance to the fact that one gender has it’s crime ignored, while the other has it as taboo to be recognized.

      It is equally evil to kill a black child as a white child, but in apartide s africa would that message be valid? from a white society? .. then ask would it be right to present it as a black on white crime, when the reverse was true.

      I am not saying it is exactly the same. It is a mental exercise.

      1. normalis… I am very reluctant to open myself up here due to “positive girls” tendency for vicious personal attacks rather than actually discussing things. You may have negative views of me, but her response was very harsh, as it seems to be when criticised. she deflects and goes to very personal attacks based on what has been said here. It supports my suspicion of women, even though it is clear anyone can be that way regardless of gender

    2. I believe, depending on where you are in the world (literally) and who your judge is, represented or not etc. Is how your case will get played out. The fact one or both parents are sociopaths, just makes it worse for the child. As painful and non-accepting as this sounds, life is not fair, it’s how we choose to proceed with what we have.

      Also Daniel, don’t give up on us, we don’t hate men. The holidays are painful for all of us. They remind us of Christmas past, where our NS’s filled our minds and hearts of forevers of happiness only to take it all away from us.

      And I am not distrusting of you at all, I “get it” who wants to go from the frying pan into the flames. Have you read any literature other than this website? If not you may be interested in several books by Bill Eddy, he specifically deals will personality disorders and custody battles/divorce, also his books are enjoyable to read, not dry.

      1. Earlier today I was on a site this NS wrote about themselves, (I know imagine that). The whole entire post was about how the NS was engaging in relationships with people in order to get information to blackmail them or to gain their confidence. The whole thing made me sad. Because they really didn’t have any emotion as to the “normal” people’s problems they had befriended, this post has caused me to take personal inventory into my own friendships. Very disappointing.

  32. justagurl… do you deny women “can” take advantage of the court system? that it favours mothers to a massive degree and is ready to punish fathers on nothing but a mothers say so? this is quantifiable… it has been shown. If you deny the prejudice against men in family court, you are living in misandry dream land. This is known fact … did you not know this? If you didn’t I understand you view. Please answer, do you think there is no anti male prejudice in family court? I honestly thought this was accepted.

    Your answer “Blah bliddy blah blah… blah” is more common and distressing than you can believe.

  33. A long-term ex of mine had all the traits of a female narcissistic sociopath. Did major damage to my life. Thought I was going insane until I accidentally stumbled upon blogs that discussed NPD and ASPD. Like everyone else, had it not been for the internet, I would have gone to my grave confused. Now that I know what to look for, it doesn’t take me too long to figure out when I’m around one. Overly charming and charismatic is a big red flag. Needing to be the center of attention is another biggie. Unable to take criticism is definitely a flag. Blatantly inflating their own achievements is huge. When they screw up, narcissists and sociopaths will say or do anything to become the victim (if you check their facts and find that they were the perp, be afraid). Narcissists and sociopaths will enlist the help of friends and family to destroy anyone that catches on to them. This won’t be hard for them to do since they’ve been bad mouthing you to their friends and family (while remaining sweet to you) for a good while beforehand.

    Becoming a target of one of these folks is really sad. You’re eventual destruction is nothing to them and actually empowers them. They are psychological and emotional vampires. They need the suckers to survive. Friends and family won’t be able to help. Until you’ve seen one with their mask off, you’ll never understand them. When you have to face one with their mask off, if you’ve already been sucked in, it’s too late.

      1. Thanks. I’m always heartened when I see others spreading the word. Statistically speaking, narcissism and sociopathy have been on the rise for some time (survival of the fittest/cruelest I guess).

        If one looks closely, these destructive characteristics can be seen everywhere. I like to pick on Bernard Madoff because he’s so infamous. He carelessly destroyed the lives of thousands for strictly materialistic, selfish goals and gains.

        The character traits of our Wall Street, Congressional, religious, public sector and corporate leaders most often fall in line with the character traits we see in narcissists and sociopaths.

        My hope is this: As the traits of narcissists are sociopaths become more mainstream and more widely known, far fewer will become their targets, far fewer will become their victims and far fewer of them will succeed in their ways.

        Thank you for creating this site.

    1. I’ve had a female sociopath in my life as a ‘friend’. I only recently discovered her nasty-side after thwarting her plans. She done everything possible to alienate me from everyone I care about. I’ve spent the entire night reading this blog trying to come to grips with the whole subject of Socipathic behavior.

      1. Hi, same as I started here. Yet there is no way to comprehend/ to understand what makes them do what they do. I’ve tried it, yet common sense does not apply if you deal with them. The worst for me is though, that they get away with it, especially the alienation.
        If you get it too late, well others made already a picture of you without even talking or knowing you, just by the convincing words from the “other side”. Has of course also to do with the shallowness of the listeners believing everything without questioning.
        So welcome to the club…

    2. “My hope is this: As the traits of narcissists are sociopaths become more mainstream and more widely known, far fewer will become their targets, far fewer will become their victims and far fewer of them will succeed in their ways.”

      @TooCool, @pg – Here’s what I’m curious about. To achieve the above, won’t it require a certain number of us “victims” to beat these sociopaths at their own game? I ask bc the general advice (and best, IMO) from people on this site seems to be to turn the other cheek, get away from your tormenter, and not stoop to the destructive level of your ex, as that’s what’s they want. I am a firm believer in “2 wrongs don’t make a right” however this also means no sociopath ever faces consequences for their actions. Maybe I am not as far in my recovery as I thought, but I am extremely intelligent and find myself thinking I can play the game back at the sociopath and do it better than them. Obviously this raises questions as to my potential for evil, but it seems easy to justify by framing it as a “benefit” to the sociopath. As if since they can’t empathize on their own, they can only experience the hurt of others and have a chance for self-realization IF they go up against someone who “out-sociopaths” them. I am calling this the Batman/Robin Hood theory. Both are vigilantes who disregard the law and norms, finding it their place to punish on behalf of the good. Thoughts?

      1. Hi J.R. I am sorry that I took so long to reply, have just seen this comment. The thing is can you ever really beat them at their own game. I did do this, in the post how to get even with one. It was exhausting as they mind the drama, he did eventually say ENOUGH TRUCE!! I had to do this, as it was escalating and spiraling out of control, I could have lost my home. I had to do something. I have to admit though it was tiring and absolutely exhausting. Did he learn? Well no sociopath’s don’t really learn. But he did change somewhat, but – when faced with loss of control the same pattern repeated. I don’t know if they ever really get ‘self realisation’ not really as they think that they have done nothing wrong and don’t really feel bad for their actions. But they can have insight but it constantly has to be pointed out to them. This happened with the one in my life, as obviously i was writing a blog about it that he read. He does understand it now, but it didn’t stop the cyclical pattern of behaviour – but he did improve somewhat. He finally got a job, he paid me back it took a long time to get there though. Really I had NOTHING left to lose – if you do (as most people do) its not really advisable as you could lose more than you already have. Also if they are violent, or if you have children with them it places you at risk of further harm.

  34. Very well put jusagurl ….. someone who thinks in a way where sexual desire, or lack of insight regarding attractive women, blinds them to predators as , morally, emotionally, and as a human being is still a person who instinctively cares about others and can feel others pain, joy, surprise. Not just observe the traits of these emotions when expressed by those who can feel them.

    They are in no position to judge anyone. A person who thinks being foolish in not suspecting someone else a sociopathic predator, means they deserve what they get.

    For using “people” to say this and in the tone used, mock helpfulness and excusing yourself for the “mental illness” is sickening. Unlike most mental illness, sociopathy is one that does not hurt the “afflicted” but those they encounter.

    Most of the people here cannot be lead through thinking with their dicks, as they don’t have them. But have suffered non the less for this. Also someone who only cared about sex and not the person, could not be hurt so deeply by a sociopathic girlfriend, wife, partner, friend.

    The fact they were hurt so badly, means they cared far beyond sex. That is a person infinitely better than the sociopath that hurt them.

    Only good, caring people can be hurt by a sociopath in the way people here have. Your view of them, Using people, is revolting.

    It is good to see a female fellow victim stand up to you and tell you where to go!

    (in responce to)
    @Using people
    Since you know the steep price of your actions, do you ever consider doing something differently, you know, just out of curiosity to see what happens? If not, it’s quite paradoxical for you to blast men for thinking one way, if you can’t similarly change your way of thinking to decrease repurcussions to your own actions. Maybe identifying with single-mindedness is what attracts you to a certain type man. Sounds like the same boat to me…

  35. 🙂 Also very interesting article and altogether nice page as well.

    Ja society tells us men this and that, yet then comes the equality into place and men are quickly called macho whilst the poor female is mainly the victim. That makes it probably more likely that male sociopathy is officially wider spread, although inofficially it is probably the opposite.
    Men do not ruin the life of a women in purpose, well at least none that I know, but females do that quite often. Has to 100% to do with society and the taught values thereof that men not complain, should not complain, about it and just deal with it, whilst women go on Oprah or so. It would be all ok with me, I am a guy and understand and cherish the supposed “weaker” gender, YET then I would like to stop reading about equality as well. Since that is and won’t be the case: IF men are sociopaths without real core, then there are equally women with the same psychological problems who do equal harm.

    Nevertheless, society will not go for this and so female sociopaths will remain rare and uncovered because men are not willing to emanzipate themselves, it would be a considered sign of weakness to most men, as in “false pride” taught also by society.

    (Sorry for my bad english, its not my first language, I am from Germany, just living in the US…formerly with a female sociopath and two children together!)

    1. Daniel, very interesting piece! For females I suggest to leave the picture/video aside and just listen. Funny is for me though, although all this “hot” women in the video, did not turn me on a bit. Not a bit. I guess I make progress, learned my lessons….

  36. “this is not a criticism of women or society alone, but of the fact when we like someone, we lose our ability to see people as they are. men and women both do this, but in our society women are a prised commodity and men are lucky to have one interested in us. There is no arguining against that.”

    Ugh. Again? If there was “no arguing against” that, you wouldn’t be in a roomful of predominantly women misled by MALE sociopaths, tricked into believing THEY were the “prized commodity” to be had/served/believed/etc.

    Wake up please, Daniel. It’s not a one-sided, gender-specific issue. Stop trying to make it so.

    1. AGAIN! is right! It is like you are responding to someome else.

      How you get me saying “this is not a criticism of women or society alone, but of the fact when we like someone, we lose our ability to see people as they are” As making it a gender issue is ridiculous.what I am clearly saying here is in relationship to spotting who is a sociopath . The opposite of what youa re saying.
      PLease re read the article and my comment. YOu have utterly missed the point of both

      Can you plwhen we find ourselves attracted to someone we lose persep[ctive


      1. What you do here is expose your own strong gender bias. Under an article talking about the invisability society gives female socieopths. YOu say well how come we don’t see many of them here in rebuff! Essentially saying” well if they are invisable why don’t we see them?”

        Even if this were not a site hostile to men and very gender biased towards females. That would be ridiculous to say:

      2. Also, you put the breakdown here as a reflection on society. Saying how many women are here and how many men are. Well how many male sociopaths have been welcomed here and how many female sociopaths have been. How many men treated rudely or attacked compaired to women treated rudely or attacked, BY THE HOST!

        you here again attack me for saying largely what the article says. So to you it doesn’t matter if women who have abused men are welcomed, or if a female makes a point to you it’s ok but the same point made by a male is out of order. Do you wonder why there are so few men here?:

  37. Did I miss something? I will not take sides, but we all came here probably for the same reason, bad experience. And in that way I see this page. I do not see the gender, but the main topic. It does not matter what gender one has /is. So please get along here for the same reason. We are seeking understanding what happened and especially WHY it happened and how it could happen to us.
    Daniel is right with stating objectivity is kinda lost if we fall in love and PG is right that society gives a bit more layway (correct term?) to females. Can we not get all along somehow please??? We are all “damaged” by the same type of personality and not the same type of gender and because of that we found this page. IF there are more females or males does not bother me a bit….so lets not fight over it. Thanks

  38. As in ALL relationships – every gender has there weakness for the other. Men have weakness for women. Women have weakness for men. Regardless of what those weaknesses are, Achilles heels. Everyone has them, in fact they are so individually specific, which is why NS’s like to people watch us so much, like prey. They can use us for whatever needs they have, then poof – onto the next victim. So does it matter? It’s not a gender issue, do NS females sometimes get the upper hand? Yes! Do NS males get the better hand dealt, occasionally, yes! (How do I know because, I walked away with out my children last weekend, because the court order wasn’t “specific” enough, I had 2 male officers, my children’s demonic father and all 5ft scary me – boo) So it boils down to what emotional lie, the NS can tell at the moment and who has the documentation to prove or disprove it, (and if the intelligence level of the people sent to “ASiSt” you is higher than your pant size). Not about gender. Last time I checked we are all victims and survivors trying to help each other through. I personally am more interested in fixing problems and finding answers than being angry, upset and depressed. I’ve have had enough of THAT!

    1. And again I apologize my statement wasn’t very Politically Correct, I should of just stated whatever your sexual preference is, and left it at there. Sorry.

      ** for those of you who aren’t aware, or don’t remember. I can barely work my iPhone and had to rewrite a few times, (I know, pathetic), because I lost my page. So by the time I was done I didn’t reread, I just sent it. So if I offended any one I apologize.

      NIBSIH 😐

      1. 😦 This isn’t about gender at all. Everybody is defending themselves and feeling bad.. for no reason. There is only one person who has made it about gender. It is neither me or you.

      1. I am not defending my self nor do I feel bad. I was getting annoyed, because I thought the concept was misunderstood, in my own simplistic mind, I thought if it was explained differently the concept would be understood. I was obviously wrong. One must be first open before anything new can be introduced.

  39. @daniel
    No one here has ever attacked you without you striking first. You play nice awhile then say something, I believe, simply to stir things up. You hang onto your past offenses to keep them alive, and don’t seem capable of moving on.

    Personally, I’m tired of your troublemaking and would stand behind you being blocked. There are more important topics to discuss than your perceived offenses. And if it is really so unfair here, be aware you are always free to leave. It would serve you better than berating the host, arguing with the community, and spewing gender bias.

    1. Thanks Scarlett. I did have to block Daniel. I am going through a few things with ptsd and anniversary of my daughters death coming up. I was surprised by the comments. Which seemed to come from nowhe’re. I thought I can’t manage this. So it was a choice block him or make the site private until I feel more on form. I chose the former. Thank you for your support.

  40. Well, I am trying to find the post from “The Crux”, and Glo Del in this section, couldn’t, so I respond in this way, hopefully you find it.

    @Crux: IF you start questioning yourself the job is almost completed. I went through the same and asked other people if I am bonkers or what is wrong. It has to do that you may see the world/life out of a total different perspective than the counterpart (as in normal viewpoints), yet the counterpart will try to convince you that it is you who is wrong. Its a very dangerous situation and there is no easy solution. Cost me my home, job and my two little girls (2+5). (The kids I will get back, the rest I am still working on and I apologize to every female that a father tries to get children from the mother and will succeed (knock knock knock). I am oldstylish myself and prefer the mother to be the main caregiver, yet there are exceptions, like to every rule.)

    So Crux, like Glo Del said, RUN….as fast as you can, as bad as it hurts, RUN!
    I know its easier said than done, especially if it comes from the outside, but your situation will not get better, just temporary maybe, until you are under the “umbrella” again.

    The problem is that psychological issues are no crime, you cannot do anything legally about it, yet it can ruin your complete life way worse than a crime would, since you would get legal help. Therefore I am thankful to have found this page to get some encouragement and maybe can give some in return.

    I personally decided to stay alone from now on, most likely, you should never say never, and be a good dad to my children (knock knock knock again). That would suffice to me totally. I am certainly done to question if things are true or not, what causes this or that, its tiring and not worth it. So Crux, although I do not know your age, consider it at least. There are other females or males out there, sounds harsh, is harsh, nevertheless….RUN!

    (She or he will call, try to get you back, dont go for it, be smarter. That you even found this page shows very much how deep you are into it. Took me two years just to get a bit of the idea, although in an psych evaluation of my ex is stated, “no empathy, focused on herself only, bad irresponsible decisions, no remorse, always the victim, blames others only etc etc” and if you take that with the slander and almost pathological lying you have found a person you should not deal with nor want to deal with because you wont have a chance to “win” if you state i.e. the grass is green and she/he will convince you its not….
    yet until I found out what all that combined meant it was too late! Hopefully its not too late for you yet!)

  41. Hi, I’m a female victim of a female sociopath. I’m so glad I found this site, I finally have an answer as to what the heck was wrong with her! I’m 4 months out of the 2 year relationship, and I’m finally at the point where I’m so glad she’s out of my life, she’s someone else’s problem now, Lol
    I caught her online sending nude pics of herself to men, needless to say it was an ugly emotional breakup for me, she didn’t seem to care. I asked her why she lied about her sexuality, she said she didn’t, that she is attracted to whoever intrigues her. And that she didn’t want to go after another woman because it was too much work, that men are easy and dumb. And she now has a Facebook with 80% of the followers men that are drooling after her which is the attention she loves. She is gorgeous and a sex addict so she will never need to be independent, there will always be some dude wanting to take care of her. She already has her next victim wrapped around her finger, only took her a few weeks to hook him. I wrote my story down at another forum, I hadn’t found this site at the time, but if anyone is interested I can shoot you the link. Thanks for making this site,
    Love this site, so many questions answered 🙂

  42. Is sexual voracity always a component? I am recently divorced from a woman who I now believe is a sociopath and narcissist. We were together for 21 years and married for 18 and have two children together. When we were first dating sex was constant and very good. Then once we were married it all but stopped – except when she wanted something (like to get and engagement ring, pregnant, etc.) and was used as a weapon/reward/punishment.

    1. Wow James, 21years is a long time and I feel sorry for you, seriously. It seems with them to be the same, had the same experience, although not married with the sex thing. As soon as everything was set, is set, things change unless there is a reward in the air.
      I felt in the end like a “customer” almost, although I do not know how they feel I never paid DIRECT for sex, only indirect.

      Sex seems to be used as it suits, although, supposedly, sociopaths tend somehow to be very sexually interested. Well what I heard at least. It may be just that they cannot deal with the same person over a longer period of time and long for other interests instead. Therefore I said 21years is quite a while.
      I am new here, just wanted to give you my input and I truly feel sorry for the lost time well its not lost you have two children and they will be always thankful that they are there and so should you, your children are the actual reward you’ve gotten. And although it hurts, look forward please, although 21years create quite a few memories, do yourself that favor please and do not try to go back. Thanks!


    2. Hmmmm, sounds VERY familiar! My ex was the same way….very sexual in the beginning, but as soon as the vows were exchanged it came to a screeching halt. The “honeymoon” was me moving her to where I was then employeed. It was a 7 or 8 day trip and we had sex exactly once the whole trip….she was tired, didn’t feel good, been in the car too long, her tailbone hurt, etc. After that I could even SEE that sex was being used as a weapon, but I “loved” her and held on for 22 more years. What’s funny is the very counseling she encouraged me to attend so I could more fully realize just how messed up I was is what helped me realize I was not the problem….SHE was!

      1. James 21years, you 22years, then I should feel with my 7years like a ‘junior’ in all this. Must still be a lot of loyal people out there, which I doubted, to hold on to something that does not really work. I believed also in the “forever and always” way too long, although short in regards to your experience. Today I would say forever means approx 5years. (sounds pretty disillusioned, yet made through experience)

        Relationship nowadays has also to do with society a lot, it became way too common to split for no real reason. Yet on the other hand we have making sex a reward, money a weapon, emotional tenderness are rarity.
        Yet nevertheless, before I get carried away, here we see the opposite were people hang on longer than they should have and stand then maybe in the rubble of their life because they did not split in time.

        Also, if you go through the DSM books, you will see that everybody has nowadays some kind of psychological disorder to some level. Its looks like we are all put into a drawer and that makes it harder for the individual to find a solution because one thinks its my fault. That was with you also the case, therefore you went to counseling.
        It is a strange world we are living in, and its sometimes really hard to cope with. Like Jung once said “we are the source of all evil” and he was damn right so long ago already.

        Pretty depressive, so a little cheer at the end…
        “They told me I was gullible and I believed them” 😉

  43. Strange, maybe someone can help me with it, dont know, maybe I am just too stupid. I wrote a few days ago a response to someone, cant find it anywhere. Now I wanted to respond to a posting from Dustin and Positivagirl and cannot find that postings either….strange.

    Since it was about the pathological lying of socios I just write my 2cent “free range”:
    @Dustin, the problem with the lies is, if you catch someone lying to you over nothing, for no reason but the personal interest of the opposition, many many times, you simply want to save also your time to find out if the person is lying or not. Its just a waste. Socios are supposedly pathological liars, yet there might be exceptions, but to be perfectly honest to you, I will and would not use my time to find out who the exceptions are. IF you lie, you lie, you may not be a socio, but I will never find out. Case closed. Ja, I am a truthfantatic, bad, I know, yet I rather deal with a bad truth than a perfect lie.

    I can give you an example even: I am currently in a nasty courtbattle over my children…I should win, yet one never knows, due to that I male and that makes it a bit more difficult. So the mother tries now to find proof to discredit me, makes things up, slandering me and so on. Could make a huge mess, just that here in the Seattle area (German in Seattle), WA state, polygraphs are permitted in court and so instead of trying to find or prepare for a rebuttal, I simply requested a lie detector for the upcoming trial. Shut her promptly up.
    (and ja I know socios beat polygraphs with a smile, nope she wont in my case. What is surprising, seems to be at least, she knows that she is lying, whilst socios usually sell you the lie as factual truth.)


    1. @Laap

      Question, regarding your court issues? Does the fact a person refused polygraph get documented and how does this reflect upon a person in court? Reason I ask, I live in CA, we don’t “do” that, not that is matters, CA is very liberal, 😡, regarding child welfare laws. 👅!

  44. @Laap

    So you have etiquette, nothing wrong with this! Do not allow one flawed incident to change who you are. I still believe in “happily ever after”, I am not wasting my last chance and some undeserving individual. I intend to just be pickier, and listen to others more, listen to ME more! Since when is loyalty a flaw in character anyway! 😝!


    1. Hi, first and foremost, I consider loyalty a virtue, not a flaw. Was probably a misunderstanding. Just that, as you stated, sometimes you need to listen to the people surrounding you. Everybody, and I really mean everybody without one single exception warned me, even people I did not know, warned me, yet I thought love is stronger. Well, maybe, depending on the opposite I guess….
      And it changed me, and I can say I will never be the same anymore. It is damaging, yet also an experience and I am very doubtful that I will ever take that risk again. I will spend my time for my kids and kis only and if destiny has something in plan for me, so be it….but I would not and ever look again for a partner. (I was married before and we separated like ‘normal’ people, yet it was also quite traumatizing for me, hence ‘loyal no matter what’….and there is no “three times is a charm” although I was not married to the mother of my kids.

      And in regards to polygraphs and courts, did I say she refused a polygraph? I think I said I requested one and that courthearing did not take place yet. We shall see….yet your question is interesting, since I would say, if you are refusing to be put on a polygraph you may have something to hide.
      I know I have good chances, she is on top of everything a convicted child sex offender on probation and I received over months death threats, and just pure ignorance made it possible that these threats were left as voice mails.
      I mean, how ignorant can someone be leaving “I am going to kill you”, “I will smack your fu**ing head in” etc etc as voicemails??? And why you may ask I receive these threats, because I fight for my children and their complete future and entire life.
      So I actually do not need a polygraph but just a reasonable judge who takes a tiny bit of time to look into the case.

      1. PS. IN CASE you are also in court with a SP, do NOT use any psychological terms in a courtroom. We are amateurs in this field, all of us, except maybe the few psychologists on this platform. Being a SP is further not a crime, but only a barrier in child upbringing.
        If I do not get the polygraph approved, there is so much contradictory, let the court see it for themselves with statements.Here in WA state you can on top cross exam the ‘witness’.

  45. WOW!

    This is horrible, I am so sorry you and your children have to go through this. Because of the prior crimes she has been convicted of are not infractions, I hope everything goes in your favor. Your right, if the judge just takes 15 mins and reads, (maybe not even that long), but took a interest, he could see there are issues. Maybe she won’t show up? I’ll pray things go in your favor.
    I have been in litigation with NS since 2007, he will win around, then I will win, so we go back and forth, this last time he won, he made several new mistakes this go around, he still doesn’t read any of his paperwork, he trusts his attorneys to “protect him”, he lies to them, so they must part ways, he doesn’t stay consistent in his “parenting style” if you will, (but this is his pattern), he added a new one courtesy of the current “The One”, he is trying to slander me, well it’s difficult when the paper trail is leading right back to the NS’s front door!

    In CA, they want everyone to work together and give every louse a chance to parent their blood child, also they go with what the children say, “if it’s in the best interest of the child and what the desire of the child is”, so the NS can manipulate the daylights out of the children, (which he does) prior to going to mediation, which is mandatory if you don’t agree in our county. I don’t use any words such as NS or anything. But one would thing the receipt of drug and alcohol rehab would be sufficient and he admitted to mediator he “had” a drug problem and he’s now “cured” and he lightly drinks now. You should see his recycle bin, stupid me should of took a picture, thank god we went to cranes, okay! None of this was documented by the mediator, how he drives drunk with the children, the list goes on.
    So I told my attorney next time we go to mediation, I want a court stenographer there,(and with children). So it’s verbally taped and typed. Which is why I am interested in your polygraph, and the outcome, if he refuses me. What kind of ground do I have here? Hmmm?


  46. Since 2007? Holy mother…and children within. Unfrigginbelievable. But you are right, courts want parents working together..since the best interest for a child is to have a healthy relationship to both parents. How many times does that happen? One in hundred?
    And ja you got that right too, you have to document everything, pictures, recordings, (do not know how the laws of recordings are in CA here in WA you can videotape, as long as there is no audio involved),

    With me its a bit more difficult anyway, I am no American, just permanent resident til 2023 and would love to take my children with me home to EUrope and she would like to take the children to her home in the south, Georgia, Alabama. Quite a difference and there is no middle to settle or mediate anyway. The kids will either become Europeans in the long run or rednecks…and a judge will decide the complete life of the kids.

    BTW, one thing you should forget, and never mention again, especially not in court, there is no winning. The children lose one way or the other and that is the sad part of it. No matter how bad the mother is, she is still the mother, gave them life and the same the other way around with the father. Yet adults forget that often and do as they please and wish and keep the actual real interest and right of the children totally out of view.
    Lying to own children i.e. as you stated and as I also experienced is considered emotional and psychological child abuse. You should get an evaluation from a psychologist…and that would maybe make your case. Also drunk driving with kids, I mean your kids are a bit older, if it started in 2007, and maybe you should call the kids into court and even if they decide to stay with the other parent, if you get them to admit that he drives drunk with kids in the car…case closed. Also slander, if you can prove it, that’s parent alienation and a no no in custody cases. Just have to prove it. And that I can thankfully through the voicemails left…I reported also felony charges, but also that is not up to me but the DA.

    Until I found out what is going on with my ex, inside of her, although knowing of her sex offense (still on probation btw), it was too late. I seriously believed, wholeheartly with all I had and against every other opinion that love can overcome everything and was never more wrong in my life. Some people called me the last real romantic in this world, I see it now as an insult for stupidity and naivity.

    I guess we both shall see…and I wish you of course also the best of luck, luck is needed, if a judge has a bad day and you say one word he/she does not want to hear…too bad. Yet for my kids the complete life will be decided. And that makes it so difficult.

    I heard btw the other day of a custody case that lasted 9years. Come on…put them all on a polygraph for a few hours and good is.
    I know in CA they are not admissible/permitted in court, here they are.

    1. Ps. a late PS, I thought of your response quite a bit and what you certainly should do, no need for a stenographer, buy yourself one of these little dictaphones (dont know the correct english term, pocket recording device) and put it at your next mediation meeting on the table, visible to everybody. When done connect it to your computer and burn a cd or dvd with the recording.
      Should be no prob, since people are supposed to be honest and you can state that the case became so complex that you need notes and what would be better than a recording since it saves time.
      One of the most important parts in custody battles are the documentary of everything, shows also the judge that you are highly organized and keep things straight.
      Believe me I read the family law books of WA state back and forth several times, could probably pass the bar… 🙂 and I doubt that the laws differ so tremendously from state to state, although they may be named different. And your ex, in regards to what you stated, should not have the kids at all. No matter how good his attorneys are, it is just a matter how good you present your case. State YOUR case, do not focus try to fight his case. Offense is the best defense. You have to prove that yhou are are better fit and if he drives drunk with kids he is in the care of, well….that alone should be enough.

      About your kids I deeply feel sorry, child manipulation is very dangerous to kids and can mess them up for life, depending on the input. I worked in the US in social work with abused and neglected children for a while (although holder of a masters in economics, I wanted to give something back and in the US I could on this level, not knowing that I would end up in a situation like this). Anyhow, there you see the results of manipulations by those sickos who step over even own children like it does not mean anything. Do not allow it, if the kids are manipulated before a hearing, try to get them into contradictories, to prove your case. Just leave the emotions out, the dislikement towards your ex, that makes your case weaker because no judge wants to see trashing the other, UNLESS you have factual proof.

      Like I said, I think WA state is one of the very few states in the US where polygraphs are permitted by court, even without consent of both parties. I will keep you updated and you can do the same please.

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