Category Archives: Five stages of Grief and The Healing Process

Sociopath break up – grieving the person that you THOUGHT they were!

Aside from the stalking, bombardment of communication, and lies about you, as well as other losses, one of the most difficult things to come to terms with at the end of the relationship with a sociopath, is grieving the loss of the person that you thought they were. 


A sociopath throughout the relationship, has lived a life of deceit. of manipulating you into thinking that they were someone that they were not.

At the end of the relationship, you can feel such a sense of loss, as you realise that person that you were with, didn’t even exist. It was all a fake, all a lie. You had been manipulated, conned, and deceived.

It is quite common to want back the man who you thought you were in love with. Unlike other abusers with other personality disorders, the sociopath is often openly helpful, and to your face can appear kind (that is until he loses control of anything and the narcissist rage occurs).

You struggle within yourself, how can this be? You long for the support of the loving supportive man, but he doesn’t exist anymore.

This, can be absolutely devastating. With a normal break up, you know what you are breaking up with. You know that you have rowed, and maybe the relationship had came to an end. But the ending with the sociopath is entirely different. For a number of reasons

  • Your mind has been played with, you have been lied to deceived
  • The person you were in love with does not really exist
  • You likely are suffering other losses and humiliation
  • The relationship with the sociopath does not end painlessly
  • It makes you question everything? Was anything true?

You might try to reach out to the sociopath to take away this pain. He will either

  • Ignore you
  • Play further games
  • Deflect and blame everything onto you, it was all your fault and all your shortcomings

The only thing that can help with this, is time. With understanding and knowledge. By reading everything that you can, and understanding everything that you can. Knowledge is power.

Realising that the person behind the mask is different to the man that you thought you were in love with, is alarming and confusing. More than likely you suspected that this was the case for a while, when things didn’t add up, and you were lied to further, and manipulated some more.

At the end of the relationship with the sociopath, you grieve not only the end of the relationship,  but also  realising that the man you were in love with, never even existed.

It’s as heartbreaking as discovering that Santa is not real as a kid….. once you know…. there is nothing you can ever do to change the truth. The man that you were in love with, just like Santa, can never be real again. It was all just an illusion.

Words ©