As already discussed, the most important thing to a sociopath is control. A sociopath values control above all else.
Your head is probably reeling at the end of the relationship. You feel confused. You have been brainwashed, lied to, deceived, and manipulated. Sometimes for a considerable time. Whenever you felt close to the truth, you were told that you were crazy or paranoid. At the end of the relationship, you no longer know what is real any more, and you can question your own mind.
A sociopath will rarely leave your life quietly. At the end, despite the relationship has ended because of their own bad behaviour, the sociopath will take this a step further, just to make sure that the relationship is over.
They will now use information that they gleaned from you during the assessment stage, when he learned of your weaknesses. Personal information that you gave when you trusted, what felt like your perfect man, your soul mate will now be used against you. It is the ultimate betrayal and worse is that he will weave a grain of truth, with a web of lies to discredit you.
Anything negative that you have previously told him. He will now use against you. He will do this, to portray you as an unstable, immoral, untrustworthy and dishonest person. A person who is not capable of rational thought and he knows that if he does this, if you tell others about him, your judgement will be questioned.
The sociopath is very sly and deviant, he will use information, which is already known about you, from perhaps previous events in different circumstances, and will use this, with a thread of truth to make his stories believable to others. He mixes lies and a thread of truth with such convincing skill, that to object would make you out to be the liar and crazy one. He knows this, and this is part of his agenda.
Using information that you have entrusted him with, he will start what is known as ‘smear campaigns’ against you. He will lie about you. Send emails about you. He will do anything to ruin your good name, and therefore discredit you, and your credibility. Your mind is already reeling, and life appears to be getting worse.
His objective is to isolate you further, and to stop other people finding out who he really is. He also will boomerang back into your life, whenever he suspects that you are moving on.
The reason that he does this is because he fears losing control. Remember that sociopaths are actually very weak people.They are reliant on living behind a mask and of people thinking that they are different to who they really are. He has to find some way of silencing you. At worst, he could kill you. But most sociopath’s wouldn’t do this, and are not capable of this. So instead he tries to silence you some other way.
He operates on fear. By trying to install fear into you. By threatening you. He threatens to report you to authorities. He is now wielding his power over you. Already your life is ruined and now he is threatening to, or actually ruining your life further.
You might, at this point, wonder when this is going to end? He might bombard you, but not in a positive love bombing way this time. It will be bombarding of texts, emails, and if you ignore him, he could show up at your house, yelling outside. Remember this is his need for control.
At the end of the relationship, he might also steal items from you. Usually it will be possessions that mean a lot to you. Things that you have emotional attachment to. There is no reason for this, other than ‘he can’ and ‘he will’ and his need for control.
When he has taken your possessions, he will use this to be able to keep in contact with you, promising to return your goods. But he never will. He makes false empty promises, which can keep you hanging on a string but keeps him in control.
Leaving a sociopath before he has a new source of supply, is not easy. The best way to do this, is to establish no contact, and to have no further contact with him.
Remember there have been victims in the past before, and he moved onto you. So, he will also move onto someone else. Be prepared to let it go, ride the storm. Look up forums for support, where there are others who have been through the same.
If you feel strong, and he is not violent, and no contact is not working, if it is making things worse then consider following the advice on this post. I would only advise this when no contact is impossible How to get even with a Sociopath
This is only for when No Contact is not working, and is spiralling out of control (is probably not advisable if children are involved).
See also: How to recover from dating a sociopath
And How to establish No Contact
- The sociopath is merely trying to use fear to control you
- The sociopath is trying to regain control
- Speak to those close to you at the end of the relationship and warn
- Try to follow advice in recovery and No contact posts
- Go careful how you react as this can and will be used against you
- This will NOT go on forever
- Speak to advice and support services in your area for abused people
- You are not paranoid, this is real, and this is happening to you. Only share what is happening to you, with those you trust (or the sociopath will make you out to be crazy)
- Do not give the sociopath further information to use against you
- Do not show fear – no contact is almost always the best reaction
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