This is one of the most common questions that I am asked, well, apart from the question of ‘why?’.
Did the sociopath love me?
You have memories of the good days. Memories of the promises that were made to you, so in thinking that the sociopath was on the same page as you, you gave more. Likely you gave more than you had ever gave.
It ‘felt’ like he/she loved you? It ‘felt’ real. It ‘felt’ genuine. As the truth begins to unravel, you realise that not only have you been manipulated and deceived, additionally, you were also lied to. In fact, you were lied to on a scale that you never realise existed.
The crushing blow, between what the truth is that you see in front of you, and the lies that you have been told, the lies that you invested, likely invested everything that you had. You struggle to believe that this ‘nice’ ‘kind’ ‘caring’ guy or gal, could do such a thing. After all, did they not preach to you about the morals of others?
Sociopaths while they may become irate, those who post on this site, and argue, do NOT love in the same way that they do.
Sociopaths do everything for their own manipulative gain. If there is nothing in it for them, they do not see the point in doing it. The sociopath will be there for you, when they see that there is a benefit to them, only to drop you from a great height when they realise that either your supply towards them runs out (everyone gets tired of being used), or you have nothing left to give.
I believe that there are only two primary emotions in life
The sociopath plays on this, your relationship with them will be either/or
- Dominating, possessing and controlling you through fake love, adulation, lies, and false empty promises – FAKE LOVE
- Threatening you or coersively controlling you (living under the constant threat of what they WILL do to you) – this includes threatening to report you, expose you, take something from you, turn others against you, isolate you. You get the picture.
When the sociopath is happily taking from you, you will witness the FAKE LOVE. You know it is fake, as if you try to take away their control, at any moment, they lose their heads, and their face turns ashen grey, eyes are dark on stalks, and you can almost see the muscles contort on their faces. Even if you have escaped them the sociopath is capable of hunting you down, stalking and harassing you.
When they want something from you, they are capable of making you feel the most amazing person alive, you have never felt more happy or contented. Although you might be frustrated that it is just ‘you and him/her’ or that there is always a drama around them, that takes all of your time. You will also find your life spinning around in circles, going nowhere. Firefighting their self imposed drama, leaving you no time to attend to your life. Of course while you are not looking, they can take some more.
When they are done with you, they make you feel worthless, empty, devastated, destroyed, broken.Worse, is that they don’t just ‘move on’, although sometimes they do – they hang around to make your life hell.
Even strong people can, after the relationship with a sociopath, be left feeling empty, drained, void, numb, confused, devastated, heartbroken, and perhaps absolutely confused.
How shocking, that NOW, when you have nothing left to offer, the sociopath has either left your life, or distanced themselves.
If they have left, you are one of the lucky ones. If you are unlucky, they might hang around, linger for a while. Not really committing to you, but also not setting you free. The sociopath doesn’t like to see someone else with what they feel is rightfully theirs. They could have moved on with another partner, yet they still have the nerve to keep tabs on you!
Their nerve, is astounding. Also their double standards and sense of hypocrisy. Believe me, if you hang around with them for long enough, you might feel that you are going quite mad.
Facing reality can be difficult. It is so much easier to believe the lie, than it is the truth of who they are.
Nobody likes to be fooled, or deceived. This is especially so if you lost people close to you, while they tried to warn you away from him or her. You defended them, believed in them. Believed in the power of their lie, and with this, they betrayed you.
Facing reality takes time. You are NOT in the wrong, for loving. Never feel that you are. I don’t believe that you can ever love too much. If you believe this, you could turn out bitter.
Be bitter – or Better it really is YOUR choice!
Like it or not. You have more power and control than you think you do. You have ALL the power, well, far more than you realise.
- Seek professional help if you need it
- Involve legal if you need to, apply for an injunction order
- Block them, but do this if it is SAFE to do so. Some people might advise you to just block them and move on. If someone gives you this advice, I doubt they have dated a true psycho/sociopath. You need to, at least in the beginning, KNOW what they are doing. If they are going to show up at your house, or report you to work, or whatever else they are planning to do. DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THEM. DO NOT RESPOND AT ALL. Use the threats that they send you to build a case against them. Give them enough rope they will hang themselves.
- If the Sociopath pleads, begs or threatens, know that there can be NO change
- You DESERVE to be loved, the same way that you are capable of loving. You deserve to be loved FOR YOU. Not for what someone wants from you!
- Take time – in silence there is healing space
- Catch up with old friends/family old hobbies and interests
Sociopaths will argue, (search on this site for similar articles and sociopath comments), they will argue that they did love you. If you read their comments, you can see that their brand of loving, is not the same as we love.
Sociopaths love what they can get. They love to use people. They get off on being clever, and outsmarting someone else.
The only part of their persona that is genuine, is that they really ARE, quite weak and pathetic. YOU are the strong one.
Never give them ammunition to use against you. If you have children with them, or need to work with them, keep it professional, and never disclose details of your own business. Yes it is ok to tell white lies to derail them, this is about them not knowing any of YOUR business. What they do not know, they cannot harm.
You will heal. You will recover.
Just take it one day at a time. Heal and recover, one day at a time. The choice is yours. You can either let it make you bitter, or you can ensure that it makes you better.
Personally, I let go with love. I worked on me, and I made sure that the experience has made me better.
What do you think? Has dating the sociopath made you bitter or better?
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2016, all rights reserved.