Did the sociopath love me? – Either let it make you BITTER or BETTER

This is one of the most common questions that I am asked, well, apart from the question of ‘why?’.

to-be-honest-do-you-really-love-me2

Did the sociopath love me? 

You have memories of the good days. Memories of the promises that were made to you, so in thinking that the sociopath was on the same page as you, you gave more. Likely you gave more than you had ever gave.

It ‘felt’ like he/she loved you? It ‘felt’ real. It ‘felt’ genuine. As the truth begins to unravel, you realise that not only have you been manipulated and deceived, additionally, you were also lied to. In fact, you were lied to on a scale that you never realise existed.

The crushing blow, between what the truth is that you see in front of you, and the lies that you have been told, the lies that you invested, likely invested everything that you had. You struggle to believe that this ‘nice’ ‘kind’ ‘caring’ guy or gal, could do such a thing. After all, did they not preach to you about the morals of others?

Sociopaths while they may become irate, those who post on this site, and argue, do NOT love in the same way that they do.

Sociopaths do everything for their own manipulative gain. If there is nothing in it for them, they do not see the point in doing it. The sociopath will be there for you, when they see that there is a benefit to them, only to drop you from a great height when they realise that either your supply towards them runs out (everyone gets tired of being used), or you have nothing left to give.

I believe that there are only two primary emotions in life

  • Love
  • Fear

The sociopath plays on this, your relationship with them will be either/or

  • Dominating, possessing and controlling you through fake love, adulation, lies, and false empty promises – FAKE LOVE
  • Threatening you or coersively controlling you (living under the constant threat of what they WILL do to you) – this includes threatening to report you, expose you, take something from you, turn others against you, isolate you. You get the picture.

When the sociopath is happily taking from you, you will witness the FAKE LOVE. You know it is fake, as  if you try to take away their control, at any moment, they lose their heads, and their face turns ashen grey, eyes are dark on stalks, and you can almost see the muscles contort on their faces. Even if you have escaped them the sociopath is capable of hunting you down, stalking and harassing you.

When they want something from you, they are capable of making you feel the most amazing person alive, you have never felt more happy or contented. Although you might be frustrated that it is just ‘you and him/her’ or that there is always a drama around them, that takes all of your time. You will also find your life spinning around in circles, going nowhere. Firefighting their self imposed drama, leaving you no time to attend to your life. Of course while you are not looking, they can take some more.

When they are done with you, they make you feel worthless, empty, devastated, destroyed, broken.Worse, is that they don’t just ‘move on’, although sometimes they do – they hang around to make your life hell.

Even strong people can, after the relationship with a sociopath, be left feeling empty, drained, void, numb, confused, devastated, heartbroken, and perhaps absolutely confused.

Facing reality

accept-the-reality-gracefully

How shocking, that NOW, when you have nothing left to offer, the sociopath has either left your life, or distanced themselves.

If they have left, you are one of the lucky ones. If you are unlucky, they might hang around, linger for a while. Not really committing to you, but also not setting you free. The sociopath doesn’t like to see someone else with what they feel is rightfully theirs. They could have moved on with another partner,  yet they still have the nerve to keep tabs on you!

Their nerve, is astounding. Also their double standards and sense of hypocrisy. Believe me, if you hang around with them for long enough, you might feel that you are going quite mad.

Facing reality can be difficult. It is so much easier to believe the lie, than it is the truth of who they are.

Nobody likes to be fooled, or deceived. This is especially so if you lost people close to you, while they tried to warn you away from him or her. You defended them, believed in them. Believed in the power of their lie, and with this, they betrayed you.

Facing reality takes time. You are NOT in the wrong, for loving. Never feel that you are. I don’t believe that you can ever love too much. If you believe this, you could turn out bitter.

Be bitter – or Better it really is YOUR choice!

bitter-or-better

Like it or not. You have more power and control than you think you do. You have ALL the power, well, far more than you realise.

  • Seek professional help if you need it
  • Involve legal if you need to, apply for an injunction order
  • Block them, but do this if it is SAFE to do so. Some people might advise you to just block them and move on. If someone gives you this advice, I doubt they have dated a true psycho/sociopath. You need to, at least in the beginning, KNOW what they are doing. If they are going to show up at your house, or report you to work, or whatever else they are planning to do. DO NOT ENGAGE WITH THEM. DO NOT RESPOND AT ALL. Use the threats that they send you to build a case against them. Give them enough rope they will hang themselves.
  • If the Sociopath pleads, begs or threatens, know that there can be NO change
  • You DESERVE to be loved, the same way that you are capable of loving. You deserve to be loved FOR YOU. Not for what someone wants from you!
  • Take time – in silence there is healing space
  • Catch up with old friends/family old hobbies and interests

Sociopaths will argue, (search on this site for similar articles and sociopath comments), they will argue that they did love you. If you read their comments, you can see that their brand of loving, is not the same as we love.

Sociopaths love what they can get. They love to use people. They get off on being clever, and outsmarting someone else.

The only part of their persona that is genuine, is that they really ARE, quite weak and pathetic. YOU are the strong one.

Never give them ammunition to use against you. If you have children with them, or need to work with them, keep it professional, and never disclose details of your own business. Yes it is ok to tell white lies to derail them, this is about them not knowing any of YOUR business. What they do not know, they cannot harm.

You will heal. You will recover.

Just take it one day at a time. Heal and recover, one day at a time. The choice is yours. You can either let it make you bitter, or you can ensure that it makes you better.

Personally, I let go with love. I worked on me, and I made sure that the experience has made me better.

What do you think? Has dating the sociopath made you bitter or better?

Copyright datingasociopath.com 2016, all rights reserved.

 

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37 thoughts on “Did the sociopath love me? – Either let it make you BITTER or BETTER”

  1. I no longer care whether he loved me or not for I am happy living in the present and making the best of my own life ! However, having just come across another one who has tried to scam me out of money I am now happy to say I checked out on time before he made the grade ! And all thanks to learning about how they work on their victims 🙂

    1. Yay hurray Julie. Me too!! It means that you have moved forward. Some readers though, are still in the relationship, some are just finding out the truth. Some are in denial of the truth. Pleased to hear that you checked out of the next relationship. Well done.

  2. “Sociopaths while they may become irate, those who post on this site, and argue, do NOT love in the same way that they do.” Huh? Did you mean “do NOT love in the same way that YOU do?” If “they” don’t love in the same way that “they” do, I think we’re dealing with word salad. Or? Am I missing something?

      1. Thanks but my ego doesn’t need your massage. I’m only saying that when you make it your life’s mission to attack a whole group of people by attributing certain qualities to each member of that group, you can’t expect hugs and puppy dogs in return. I mean, Hitler attributed bad qualities to every Jew and that didn’t turn out very well.

    1. You are all my gift too Rose!! 🙂 Thank you for visiting. I FINALLY have laptop, microsoft word, and the ability to write. Sadly I write a LOT, so I plan to be around a lot more. I hope that you are doing ok?

  3. When I needed things with the sp I never felt used or bitter just relief that I realised who he was before I let him move in with me. My only regret is not finding this site immediately as I allowed contact for months after purely because I felt sorry for him as his mum had died (although she was alive and well) and he had been diagnosed with cancer (another lie). I’m not even angry anymore that I lost a very well paid job due to his constant abuse and the part where he called my boss to tell her I was a drug addict and a prostitute (nice touch!). Blocking was the best thing cos I was being drained with constant declarations of love followed by threats to ruin me. I developed severe anxiety which still troubles me from time to time that has annoyed me as I’ve never suffered from it before. Getting my injunction was the next step and now he cannot come near me. Pathetically he has taken to spraying whore on my front door so I have retaliated with installing cctv. He will never get the better of me I won’t allow it. Everyone he sprays the door I just clean it off. I do wish I had t met him but on the other hand I know I’ll never make that mistake again as I now know all the signs! I guess the biggest issue is that I actually don’t want a relationship and it’s been 20 months since we split. I have developed a pattern of having short terms flings with guys a lot younger than me knowing I’m safe as it will never become a relationship, this is probably something I should deal with. It I am aware of it. He has a new gf now and all I feel is pure relief xx

    1. You could be me writing this! He didn’t spray my door, he wrote on it with mud. Mind you he wasn’t generous enough to buy spray paint he liked things for free, so the mud outside my garden was good enough. I am also 20 months free. Yes, mine has a new target, I won’t say girlfriend. I absolutely hear you about the relief, when they are occupied elsewhere they will not bother you. I too suffer with anxiety sometimes, although not that often these days. Mine didn’t write whore, he wrote ‘slut on heat’ on my front door, this is in spite that I haven’t been with anyone since before I met him, he put me off 🙂 sounds like we dated twins.

      1. Postivagirl I’m so grateful I found your site you really helped me realise that I was not dealing with a normal
        Person and i learned that I cannot reason with an sp they don’t possess the skill. I guess the biggest thing was that I didn’t count myself as being vulnerable in fact most people would describe me as a tough bird! My sp was the same he constantly accused me of affairs when we were together and after. Once he came to collect some stuff after we split and he could smell sex and also I had hidden his toothbrush?! Highly unlikely as I was never out of his sight when we were together and the last thing I wanted after I got rid of him was another man!! He had of course been cheated on by his ex so that was the reason he was so insecure (probably another lie) so I kind of forgave him cos of that. Plus then the gifts of wine flowers jewellery always followed an argument ha ha how did I get sucked in? Xx

      2. Yes the same. They like to feel empowered by breaking someone down. Over time, you become weaker and they become stronger. They get a hit off of this. Oh and the accusations, in the end, this drove me nuts. truth was the only dishonest one was him. I was so busy defending myself, I didn’t have time to pull him up. He didn’t let me out of his sight. I mistakingly saw this as love, devotion, etc as he had me believe. Really it was domination and control. Yes likely it was another lie if you spoke to the ex, she might say he cheated (this happened to me) in fact the last one said that he was the worst thing to happen to her, one before that said no better. I believed in him and thought they were jealous, after all he was such a ‘catch’… jeeze.

      3. It probably was him who did the cheating.
        Remember they project a lot!
        Mine stated that he was cheated on by almost all of his exes who he claims were all nuts btw.
        He also constanly accused me of being unfaithful (I never did anything, at the end I even avoided writing something on my male FB friends site because the sociopath would go nuts everytime I did that)-he even was jealous of one of my imagined soothing fanatsies as I sometimes felt so lonely I imagined someone compassionate holding me, he said that this was a betrayal towards him (?).

  4. Just figured out my bf of two years was a sociopath. He has all 7 traits. Finally I have answers to so many things that I never could understand. He abused me and I stayed with him, of course I was supporting us both. He was often cold and cruel to strangers and it really freaked me out, I should’ve listened to my own voice early on. Instead I spent two horrible years suffering physical, emotional, and mental abuse, as well as destruction of my property. All the while I was making excuses for him “he had a difficult childhood”, etc. He played on my sympathies and I fell hook line and sinker. A few weeks before it ended in late September I noticed him sneaking around with secretive messages on his phone (he had done this before), staying out late and getting extra drunk and high (he smoked weed and drank every single day) when I confronted him he told me I was crazy for thinking he was up to something. Of course he was. He was obviously working on his next victim. On September 22 after we got home he snapped about something trivial. He trashed my apartment destroying my iPhone, iPad, stereo, artwork and many other things in front of our (really, my!) friends. They pulled me out of my own apartment fearing that he might kill me, while he continued to destroy my home. The police were called and by the time they arrived a few minutes later he was gone. He left the keys on the counter and vanished with nothing more than the clothes on his back. He has no friends, he did not keep in contact with the few people in his family that are around, but he vanished into the night with nowhere to go… or so I thought. A few days later he started calling and texting. I assumed it was to beg my forgiveness like he used to do, but that wasn’t it at all. He wanted to know when he could come by and pick up a few of his things. The unmitigated gaul… everything he had I bought him, and after destroying my home he wanted “his things”; he never apologized or acknowledged what he’d done. It was clear that he had somewhere to go when he left and it was confirmed by someone that knows him that he found a place to stay. Why did he have to trash my property on his way out? Because he’s a monster, many sociopaths are, and they feel no remorse, or guilt, or responsibility. I can only imagine the lies he’s told his current victim to get them to open their home to him. I wish I could get in touch with them and tell them to get him out … that he’s a violent dangerous person. I guess like me, they fell for his charm, perhaps they’ve had sex with him which was no doubt amazing (all part of the manipulation), maybe they felt sorry for him and wanted to help.
    Please forgive me for this long comment…this is the most iIve spoken about this since realizing he was a sociopath. Headed back to the therapists office tomorrow.

    1. Thank you for sharing your story here Chucka. Your words will help someone else. I think writing it out does help. As you can be left with a confused mind. They do that deliberately 😦

    2. Wow your story is ALMOST identical to mine. However, my socio keeps in touch with family and friends but of course needs a place to live; lives with them and then usually gets burned. I still stay in touch and probably need help cutting this; I can’t seem to cut the tie because it is all so shocking. I’ve never had the police at my house. He came home to my house drunk one night, the neighbors called the police; and I was made to leave because I was sober. The next day he was gone; my safe had been opened and a very expensive ring gone.. an engagement ring from my ex of 15 years.. I still cannot think that someone I loved would take something so valuable; however, who else would pick that thing.. That is just one instant; there have been many others of course. And he never owns anything.. Everyone he stays with ends up cutting him; I know the deal, the chaos he brings, however, it is always “them” or “us..”

      Haven’t seen the guy in 6 months and he still comes at me saying he hasn’t been with anyone else. the friends I did meet through him (2) warned me – his own. one said he cheated on his ex 4-5 times that the person knew of; the other one said that he had intent to use me.. Lovely – why don’t we run when we know.. This is such a great place to share.. thankful it is here.

      1. Your neighbors called the cops because your boyfriend came home drunk? He must have been making a racket or something. And then YOU had to leave because you were sober? That doesn’t make any kind of sense. You should go on Judge Judy. She’ll get to the bottom of it.

      2. Life with a psycho does not make sense they are brilliant at blaming framing and shaming you should know that. Neighbours call the police cos psycho yelling ‘dont hit me’ even though you are nowhere near them. Police call the cops due to what they have heard. Psycho now has back up for their lies. You are one you should know how the plot works in psycho blaming, framing and shaming land. I agree it makes no sense. Only nonsense.

  5. Just figured out my bf of two years was a sociopath. He has all 7 traits. Finally I have answers to so many things that I never could understand. He abused me and I stayed with him, of course I was supporting us both. He was often cold and cruel to strangers and it really freaked me out, I should’ve listened to my own voice early on. Instead I spent two horrible years suffering physical, emotional, and mental abuse, as well as destruction of my property. All the while I was making excuses for him “he had a difficult childhood”, etc. He played on my sympathies and I fell hook line and sinker. A few weeks before it ended in late September I noticed him sneaking around with secretive messages on his phone (he had done this before), staying out late and getting extra drunk and high (he smoked weed and drank every single day) when I confronted him he told me I was crazy for thinking he was up to something. Of course he was. He was obviously working on his next victim. On September 22 after we got home he snapped about something trivial. He trashed my apartment destroying my iPhone, iPad, stereo, artwork and many other things in front of our (really, my!) friends. They pulled me out of my own apartment fearing that he might kill me, while he continued to destroy my home. The police were called and by the time they arrived a few minutes later he was gone. He left the keys on the counter and vanished with nothing more than the clothes on his back. He has no friends, he did not keep in contact with the few people in his family that are around, but he vanished into the night with nowhere to go… or so I thought. A few days later he started calling and texting. I assumed it was to beg my forgiveness like he used to do, but that wasn’t it at all. He wanted to know when he could come by and pick up a few of his things. The unmitigated gaul… everything he had I bought him, and after destroying my home he wanted “his things”; he never apologized or acknowledged what he’d done. It was clear that he had somewhere to go when he left and it was confirmed by someone that knows him that he found a place to stay. Why did he have to trash my property on his way out? Because he’s a monster, many sociopaths are, and they feel no remorse, or guilt, or responsibility. I can only imagine the lies he’s told his current victim to get them to open their home to him. I wish I could get in touch with them and tell them to get him out … that he’s a violent dangerous person. I guess like me, they fell for his charm, perhaps they’ve had sex with him which was no doubt amazing (all part of the manipulation), maybe they felt sorry for him and wanted to help.
    Please forgive me for this long comment…this is the most iIve spoken about this since realizing he was a sociopath. Headed back to the therapists office tomorrow.

      1. i so needed to get this off my chest, but now i realize i should have posted it in the share your story section. i’m like a madman writing down every little incident i can remember.. taking screenshots of every paragraph from dozens of articles, websites, comments. anything i can find top back this up, anything to help me finally understand why he did what he did. my mind is racing and i’m remembering so many things that i put away in my mind. there were clear markers from the beginning… if only i would’ve known. i want my two years back 😦

  6. My only regret is that I didn’t know of this site sooner. I was in the relationship for 4 yrs and suspected he was unstable from the start. But as he was a childhood friend and had recently lost his fiance to cancer, I always cut him a lot of slack. Big mistake. It’s been 3 1/2 yrs since I saw him, but I stay on this site so that I don’t forget. He tried calling and emailing me in December and Jan — I didn’t respond and we live thousands of miles away from each other. I would like some input as to whether I should delete the voluminous emails and chats I have saved. I saved the good and the ugly. If I die, I wouldn’t want my grown kids to read it (lots of sexual stuff), and yet I’m thinking I should send it to somebody like you Positiva who might be able to use it in a book or something. I mean, now that my eyes are open, I can see clearly how he was manipulating me from the start. He is extremely bright, and an excellent writer. I don’t read his emails, but I remember so much, esp. the nasty stuff that kept me depressed and feeling worthless for years.

    1. You should copy and paste and put in a book called the sociopath diaries. I have emails from one i dated, it is absolutely mind blowing the amount of urgency and drama, most of it lies….. unbelievable.

  7. It’s me jenn love…i was responding to an email notification from this site. I was trying to be supportive…sorry if I caused disstress, which is never my intentions💞

  8. I have been a relationship with an alcoholic sociopath for 7 years. He has gone through some sobriety because he was forced to. He has done everything on the list. High manipulation verbal mental abuse. Gas lighting I have broke up so many times in the past he would do anything to get me back. He also can be very hateful picks up when he wants and leaves. He never really has said sorry for all the cheating steals my money. Very impulsive. Says I’m crazy. I could go on. Pathological liar. Everything on that list I have never met anything like it. So it took me some years to figure it out. He loves to take my past and put me down. I used to think it was the alcohol. Not totally he does things when he is sober. Just worse when he drinks.
    Make a long story short. He befriended the neighbor some months ago. I can’t explain it they snuck around she bought him things. I don’t believe it is sexual and I have some thoughts about that. He was using her for money and basically he knew I wanted our insane relationship done.
    We got back together they are still “friends” and she was willing to help him while living with me. It’s so crazy. When he drinks he puts her on a prdastal and said she helped me when He needed it and she helped you too. I lost it. First he went to live with her and it was a Betrayal. But she helped him. I think in his mind he really believes she helps him and has no thought that you have a best friend emotional affair with the neighbor. He never puts her down. But he will abuse me in all the sociopathic ways. can anyone please explain this one??????????????????
    Second. I can’t move due to finances and I have an autistic child. Months ago this about killed me. Now I really have lost a lotof what I thought was lovethrough the devastation which I’m glad I have lost feelings I knew he was sociopathic. But since her he does not try to love bomb as much and I can truely tell now. He has no compassion no love I feel abused and so used. But you never know what he is up to
    What do I do since they live 3 doors down??? I have blocked him. I want my life back after this devastation.

    1. Ugh, you know that it is unlikely that he is just ‘friends’ with her? He is being disrespectful to you. Likely he has told her that he moved back, as he wanted to ‘help’ you and that you were not coping. You know how they like to play the game.

      I cannot say if he is a sociopath. Having dependency issues with alcohol, also doesn’t help. You are right about that, as the patterning can be very similar. Likely he plays victim to her too, and she feels special and compelled to help him. You say he never puts her down, but you don’t know what goes on behind closed doors, and likely if he wasn’t with you, he would. His ‘friendship’ with her, likely feeds his false illusion and ego.

      Can you save any money to move out? Or do you have a friend or a family member that you can move in with? Do you have anything that you could sell, to get away from him, as this isn’t healthy for you. It will be impossible to heal and recover while he is around you. Ah I see that you say that he lives with her, and not you? I think that blocking him is the best thing that you can do, for your own sanity more importantly than anything. Also it will give you space to heal and grow, and rebuild your own life. Shut the door, bolt the door and lock him out. NEVER let him back.

      1. Yes the final discard came two days before Christmas. I do believe he is a sociopath. He has gone through sober periods also where he does the same things. He disappears he blocks. He is so manipulative. But with the discard and after knowing sociopathic behavior I saw some things I never saw before. He is so good at manipulation. Him and the neighbor moved out together. For several months I could feel the discard he was hateful cruel and would text me asking me where I was acting like he cared. Really he wanted to know where I was because he was moving out. Also he would starts fights on purpose. He always did this but it took me this long to realize he did this to leave or to say we don’t get along we are not happy etc The day he moved out I pulled up he did not see me. He was on the phone talking smiling etc. later that night he saw me outside and it looked like he was soooo sad. It was unbelievable how good his acting is. His mother is also a sociopath. He games he steals gaslights. I have read so much. No doubt borderline personality And narcicism. He fits the sociopath too has been in trouble does not care about society and has been this way since a teen but clever. I read a lot of these people do have alcohol addiction. He gets so bored he needs it He has emotions for himself. And he can turn it on and off. No remorse at all. The betrayal with the neighbor has made me absolutely sick. So after he moved out he tried to to tell me he still loves me. It’s pure craziness. He ripped my heart out for the last time and sees nothing wrong whatsoever. You are right since I wrote the first post I absolutely believe he is using her for money that is his new source. He charmed her used all techniques while living with me pretending they were friends. I do believe now his hatred will come out. I have been going no contact. Yes he does have false illusions he started a “family” with her right in front of my face. This is what he does with all the women such a caring guy especially with children. But my children have seen the abuse and I am sickened He always claims he is so caring. No way. Thanks for all your posts. This has helped me sooooo much. I am lucky he found the neighbor. The betrayal is nothing I have ever experienced but it got him out!!!!! Was impossible before!!!

  9. My ex is diagnosed bipolar 1. Is he a sociopath also? He certainly sounds and acts like one. We were together 8 months. He dumped me a month ago and blocked me from his phone. Three days after he discarded me, he was happily posting about his new love. Today, I saw his status is “in a relationship.” I am beside myself with grief. He loved me so intensely and it seemingly disappeared overnight.

    1. Hi Blanca, I am sorry that you are hurting, what a horrible thing to do. Sociopathy and Bipolar are very different. Although I can see why you could feel confused.

      It is possible that he could be also a sociopath. I don’t know? Bipolar is a problem within the brain, in terms of mood regulation. From depression, to high. How often this cycles really depends on the type of Bipolar. Sociopaths don’t really have emotion, not real emotion, they fake it, to take what they want from you. People with Bipolar do feel emotions, and do have a conscience. What you describe is typical of sociopathic behaviour, only they often turn back up without any conscience, as if nothing has happened. Not caring about what they have done to you. Sociopaths also are pathological liars. This means that they lie about EVERYTHING!! They cause chaos, mayhem, destruction, wherever they go. Are charismatic and charming to disarm their victims. So, if he was a sociopath, in 8 months he would have done significant damage to your life, your finances, career, friends, family etc. Sociopaths don’t leave their partners for someone else to have, like vultures they take everything that they see as theirs and leave the victim as an empty shell.

      Bipolar 1 is also a very serious psychiatric illness. It is one that will not get better over time. While it can be treated with medication, it needs constant medical intervention. People with Bipolar can have psychosis, people who are sociopaths can seem that way as they are very controlling, and as I said pathological liars.

      If he seemed to be too good to be true, and just vanished, the diagnosis could be right, as people with bipolar are like 2 different people, depending on what their mood is. People who are sociopaths do not really have emotions, they are all fake. So really this is opposite ends of the spectrum.

      Whatever, it isn’t important what he is. You know his behaviour has hurt you. He would likely do this again too. What is important is how this behaviour impacts you, and makes you feel.

  10. I feel I been dating a sp. But he has never been abusive to me physically or even cussed at me. He has a very selfritchous personality. Also he never took anything from me. He spent thousands of dollars on me trying to help me get my life on track. So he said. We were both married when we met at work. I fell for him so hard. It was like nothing I had ever experienced. I left and divorced my husband of 8 years…the relationship would have ended either way tho. I fell madly in love with him, he consumed my whole life. I was obsessed really. I would do anything for t H is guy. He acted like he would eventually leave his wife to be with me and we would have a happy life (my dreams). This never happened. 4 years I waited. My heart being torn out almost daily. He still says he never did anything to hurt me. How about all the lies and promises? He has made me feel destroyed. Like my soul is ripped into pieces. He uses the silent treatment to punish me and torture me. He would go a week without speaking to me at times. Then he would show up at my door and sweep me off my feet and somehow I would forget I was even mad, even though I cried for days for him…. I would say it was sex he was after. He was 12 years my senior and we had some mind blowing sex, even after 4 years it never got old. He would stay over at my house a few nights a week and the rest at his home with his wife. It killed me inside to know what we were doing was wrong and that he was with another woman when he wasn’t with me. It ate me alive. He made me very financially dependant on him as a tactic I belive. Nothing was ever his fault. It was always mine some how. He talked to me like I was his child. We had some really great times together but he would never talk serious with me. About a future or moving forward. I was always stuck in this place with him. He claimed he loved me and knew I would make him happy but just couldn’t leave his marriage that she would take all his money and he didn’t want to be a burden on me. Ha. He knew I would have done anything for him. One other thing is he met my famuly and friends but never alowed himself to become attached to them. He always kept me at arms length, unless of course he came over to my house at night because well…he wanted to get some. Then he would be soooo attentive my wants and needs and then he would get it snd he would almost instantly chsnge and become more cold and withdrawn from me. He also was a workaholic, he has 4 jobs. I kid yiu not. This way he could be busy and not have to deal with me or his wife is my guess. Now here we are days into our latest bout of the silent treatment snd I feel so alone and depressed. I miss him so much but hate him as well. I don’t know how to move on or even say no to him. I don’t know what to do. I have never loved anyone this much. But how could he really love me? He has knowingly put me thru hell for 4 years. What should I do? How can I get my strength back? How will I ever be able to get out from under neath his spell?

  11. Derailing is a good tactic especially when the tit for tat game is in play. They punish you via 3rd parties if you don’t go along. Don’t reveal too much. Not how real people communicate. They have no boundaries, understand emotions (although jealousy is one they do undertand and test as they are jealous individual watching your every move) or what real commuication is. This is not how your caring, kind individual lives their life.

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