Why are you visiting dating a sociopath today?

43 thoughts on “Why are you visiting dating a sociopath today?”

  1. I just recently was discarded by a sociopath/Narc. I never knew these ppl existed until a close friend of mine who had a relationship with a sociopath told me and began to refer me to these rooms. If it wasn’t for these rooms I honestly don’t know if I would still be alive today.
    The man destroyed my life, drained me physically, mentally, and financially. I am recoverein though, one day at a time.

    1. One day at a time raingirl. If it teaches you one thing, it is to take care of you, and your interests. I was the same as you, I didn’t think that people like this existed. I didn’t think it would ever happen to me. I am not a pushover, but once they latch onto you, it is difficult to escape. Once you have run and keep running.

  2. I was done dirty. Needed some education on what I was dealing with before I got my big payback. Sorry, I am not “a living well is the best revenge” kind of girl. I fear God. That’s it. I don’t run from anybody least of all a low functioning sociopath.

    1. Interesting you should say that Mary, as I was about to write a post about religious/spiritual beliefs, I once ran a poll on this site asking people what their religious beliefs were. Oddly, a massively high proportion had strong spiritual if not religious beliefs.

    2. Dear Mary— just like me. A do-gooder who believed in the “project” and got exploited devalued rejected and let abandoned with a huge amount of guilt. God can forgive and I do not bear any kind of anger. It went the way it did because my wife was preprogrammed to run the track to the end and I believed that kindness and loyalty would be appreciated. Thee was no remorse, empathy or feelling from the SP but I have 2 years in psychological HELL: There is nothing one can do or repair, Game Over!!

  3. I am a guy who was involved with a Sociopath for 5 years. She left me about 2 years ago ( she moved out about 5 other times before). I find this site quite the eye opener. It has made me realize that people like this exist. Just recently I have been thinking a lot about her. I believe it was triggered by reading a very romantic piece of writing on the internet. It was just the kind of thing that we would post on each other’s facebook page. It made me remember those days. It made me remember how much I loved her and how much I thought she loved me. In those 5 years I can’t tell you how many texts,emails, and broken promises were made. It is still hard for me to understand why someone would make such an effort and pay so much lip service in something that wasn’t even true.

    1. Hey Kevin, she put so much effort in, because 1. she is empty inside, so doesn’t have the other goings on you or I do. Basically you were her real career option. When someone is empty inside, they focus all of their energy onto their target (you) this can feel like someone is putting lots of energy in, she must be into you? Truth is, she might have been. They just blow themselves out, then can’t help but destroy, even if what they had was perfect, they would then destroy what they had. I know to you or I, this sounds stupid. Why would you destroy something that is good? Especially if you have put so much effort in? The truth is, that they are ALWAYS playing the game, if not with you, then with other people. Sometimes with lots of people all at the same time. But when their focus is primarily focused on ONE person, this is what their definition of love is. It isn’t it is control. A different thing. Try explaining that one to a sociopath.

      1. It’s ironic that you should speak of control. That is what she would always claim was the problem with the relationship that she was in & trying to get out of. That she was a victim of being controlled. That her ex ( who never became her ex. Actually still with her) was into head games and control .

      2. Yes they often accuse their exes and other people of doing the very thing that they have done.

        This might sound sick, but they enjoy watching you give them sympathy and pity for an action that they have done to another. The more that you say how awful it was that this happened, the more that they get off on it. Does that sound sick? It is how they operate ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

      3. If she did have BPD though – control could also be an issue for her. This would be real. she would push the other person away when feeling controlled, but then because at the root of BPD is abandonment, once the other person went away, she wouldn’t be able to take it and would try to get that person back.

        Person who was a sociopath would behave and act like I described in the last comment.

  4. I just got out of a relationship with a textbook narcopath. After two years in a relationship of break up get back together because I always did something wrong. (like going out with my friend for her bday), I would receive break up texts and of course I would tell him he was being silly for acting like that, he would apologize and say I hurt his feelings because I didn’t want to be with him. He would always break up with me over text for stupid stuff only to come back. He broke up with me over text because he was flirting with a girl on fb and I told him that was disrespectful only for him to tell me I was just being over sensitive and causing unnecessary drama. I didn’t talk to him for two weeks, then he was texting asking me if I wanted my things back, I was doing good and not replying to him. I then had a huge fight with my daughter and was crying and ran to him, I know dumb ass move. He played the knight in shining armor, comforting , caring and being there for me, asked me if we should work things out, me being in my vulnerable stage said ok. After only 10 days he showed up at my house telling me he couldn’t do it and he loved me but only as a friend. I was in complete shock, I thought everything was good, never had any indication that was coming. he has now moved on to his soul mate who happens to be my worst enemy. This girl seems to like to go after my ex boyfriends. I started searching the internet trying to find out wth was wrong with him. This site has given me so much insight, I actually am starting to see it wasn’t me but it’s him.

    1. No, it wasn’t you. You didn’t ask to be abused, or invalidated. You didn’t invite this in. You invited the liar in. You weren’t to know. They are expert at what they do. Professional con people, they are more practiced at this, than you are at detecting it.

  5. I’m here because I dated a sociopath and nearly lost my life. I was brutally abuse and emotionally tortured. I was lucky enough, after his last attempt to kill me, to wake up and run for my life. I move on with my life and made my life a much better place to live in but still suffer some devastating effects from that horrific abuse. Why I stayed for 5 years? Fear, systematic brainwashing and my self esteem was ruined. December 26 was the day I looked into the mirror, tired and battered, fear of him diminished, stood up, grabbed my clothes and walked out. Got tired of fear and intimidation and all the games. God gave me the strength to walk out that day and for that I’m thankful.

  6. I actually dated a sociopath about 6-7 years ago back when I was single. In one of the most devastating events of my life, he made out with my best friend (who consequently was 9 years younger than me and 14 years younger than the sociopath) in my house, on my birthday when I was asleep in the other room. Although we were just “dating” not “in a relationship” we worked together as did the other person in the triangle. He ended up being quite abusive to the young woman, as you can imagine. Unfortunately because of work I opened myself up to the sociopath about 5 months later and was sexually assaulted by him. Luckily by they point I knew that I didn’t do anything wrong except believing that he was an actual human being… ๐Ÿ˜ฆ Luckily I have healed and moved on from that. I found this blog when searching for the keyword “narcissist” my blog is about dealing with my husband’s ex-wife, who is a narcissist. I was looking for other blogs like mine and came across this one. I’m glad there’s so much support out there, I felt completely and utterly alone at the time. I ended up changing fields and luckily do not cross paths with the sociopath.

  7. Your blog has helped me understand what I suspected. All quite unbelievable to me that someone can be like this. You have helped me a great deal! Hug.

  8. After doing other research at the library about narcissistic behavior it dawned on me (I have my degree in sociology) he’s a textbook sociopath. They hide in plain sight and no one can tell until it’s too late. That’s one of my big take aways– there was nothing I could’ve done, it’s not my fault. The more I read the more almost every story matched mine. Telling you they love you only to discard you bc they “can’t love” because they “cant get hurt again” because their ex- boo hoo. Only to hurt you over and over and keep trying to come back weeks or months later. If it hadn’t been for one of the other women I would still be trapped in a rollercoaster of emotions thinking that the good things outweighed the incredibly unbelievable dark moments of sadness. He’s recently “discreetly” resurfaced in a way that seems to be like baiting me back in to make me mad or react. But reading all the stories and pages on this site reinforce that these people are an evil work of art.. they may love in their own way but they only leave destruction in their paths. Reading and rereading this page and “Psychopath Free” helps me in my times of weakness, confusion and questioning. When I wonder- maybe he DID love me because____, I read something here to refresh my memory and help me be strong. Your recent response to one of my weak moments positivagirl helped me greatly. I screenshotted it and reread it to remind myself– I won. I was victorious. And he is nothing but a sad shell of a person that can not love or feel, and is not capable of any honest or genuine words or actions. Thank you to everyone on here.

  9. I have read some articles on line about borderline personality disorder. Many of the traits run parallel with socialpaths and sound like my ex. Is there any insight you can give on telling the 2 apart ? Am I right in thinking that SP are deliberate with their actions and just plain evil while borderline personality disorder people deserve our sympathy?

    1. Yes, they are almost opposite. The BPD person feels too much. They are very sensitive. Often people with BPD really did have difficult childhoods, they could have experienced abandonment in their childhood. BPD people are very hot and cold. BPD people do the push pull, love you hate you routine. This isn’t to hurt you, like the narcissist. Often this is because they either feel abandonment, or behave this way towards you, before you abandon them. Sociopaths on the other hand fake it. They fake everything. Sociopaths nothing is what you see with them. People with BPD can also be manipulative, this would be often to avoid abandonment, while the Sociopath would be that way to take what they can from you.BPD people act to stop you from hurting them. For the person with BPD this hurt is real, it really does hurt them, and they can really hurt you, pulling you in, then pushing you away.

      Sociopaths on the other hand, can fake it, they fake it well. Sociopaths wear a mask, people with BPD rarely do.

      Does this make any sense?

      1. Yes but I don’t know if she was/is a good liar or a true BLD . Because she definitely talked a lot about abandonment issues and it starting with her mom in early childhood

      2. I think Kevin, as a rule, it doesn’t matter who she is. What is important, is how she makes you feel. If it is bad, then she is bad for you. That is about the most conclusion you can make. We cannot diagnose someone, that wouldn’t be fair anyway. People can be all kinds of things jumbled up sometimes. Sometimes, some people are just really messed up by events in their lives. What you need to look at, is not who she is, but how her behaviour impacts and affects you.

  10. I’m actually in the process of being diagnosed with being a sociopath. All the characteristics that are present in my life and have been there for as long as i can remember. Yes it was me who would lie and malipulate people in my life. As with other things not relizing what it meant to be this way. After years of this and hiding behind my mask the mask is beginning to come off and people in my life might not like the real me.

    1. What made you seek diagnosis? Sociopaths don’t usually do this, unless forced, but then they would often lie and play the game. OR if they wanted to prove to someone that they were about to get treatment, get fixed and get well?

    2. Do you feel remorse for those you’ve hurt? Please help me to understand the way you think? I have a hard time understanding how somebody could hurt another person intentionally and enjoy it.

      1. They don’t have the same range of emotions Blond, so they get off by forcing you to display yours. Additional to this, they are unable to feel guilt remorse or shame. So they don’t feel guilty for their actions. They suffer with intense boredom. Playing with others passes their time. It is wicked and cruel. I think the only time that they feel bad, is if they have hurt themselves. If their actions have hurt them, then and only then, can they feel something. But just as it is always ‘what is in it for me’ it is the same – if they are affected.

      2. Wow, that’s sad I almost feel sorry for them that they will never experience with love is or feels like period I am only glad that I got to see the true colors and I’m able to walk away and move forward and not look back.

      3. I know. But to them, they see those emotions as weaknesses. They would prefer not to have those weaknesses. Often (especially with sociopaths they had a childhood where they experienced trauma, and shame) – they are happier the way that they are. Not feeling guilty about their actions, they don’t care. Don’t feel sorry for them, they think that you are to be pitied and enjoy being the way that they are.

  11. I forgot in my first post, not only for research and factual evidence of what happened to me and I’m sure others… but seeking out sites and books and articles was to virtually find people to relate to. My friends, family and coworkers all view this like a more messed up version of a “regular breakup” and none of them understand the true emotional abuse involved and how losing that person is like a death almost. They all think it’s as easy as blocking and deleting and putting them out of your head. NO. So for me it was for camaraderie, a support group if you will… because pure and simply: no one understands the devastation, loss, and depression involved-except for other victims.

    1. I can relate to this Sarah. I remember googling, back then, there was little to nothing. I found a few sites, but there was just silence there. There seems to be a lot of people who think just ignore them and that is it. But it is more than that, if you have dating a total psycho, as your head can be significantly messed up. Sometimes we just need to check that our thinking is ok?

      1. I dated a psychopath that opened my eyes to the ugliness and truths of the people that were near and dear to me. I used to think it was isolation, at least pertaining to the way he made me isolate myself from them. I realize now that those were not lies, but horrid truths that I am faced with now. He would always say to me, “you are too sensitive”. It would kill me. I wanted so badly to be like him, emotionless. He made me believe being emotional makes you weak. No matter how badly I want to unlearn his ways, some of them I fear have been adopted into my own personality. I find myself placed in his shoes, on the other side, when I become close to new men. For example: I was 18 at the time, and would occasionally make mistakes in choosing the correct terms for the way I was feeling. He would get so angry at me and punish me for being so stupid. When I encounter someone that makes a similar mistake, I become extremely aggravated.
        Right after the break up, for the months ahead, I felt like a sociopath. I wanted to cause pain, but the truth of it is, I just can’t bring myself to do that. I realize now that I was just hurt and with time, I started to feel like I had a soul again. Although I don’t actually hurt anyone, I have a deep passion to. I will never be able to hurt someone innocent, but I yearn to get revenge on the guilty. Is that bad?

      2. Hey miss sunshine. I dont know this for sure. I can only talk of my own experiences. I found that he morphed into me. Forced me to morph into him. Blending. At first i think i felt the same as you. I was stained by him. His distorted mirroring of me and my life, left me feeling distorted too. I remember not even being able to write a post. It wouldn’t make sense. I felt angry. Really angry. I was angry at those who were not there for me. I had to take proper time out. I spent a lot of time on my own. Then i talked a lot through therapy. I cried a lot too. What it came down to (for me) was trust. He had made me not trust myself and he left me with his own distorted view of others. We split 20 months ago and i am coming back to me. At least not his distorted view of the world. I found that he made me carry hate in my heart. Which wouldnt normally be me. Resentment. They use “word association” repeating key words over and over. So those words, people, places become distorted. Just as he wanted. This stayed with me. I split with mine almost 2 years ago. I now see life as i did before him. They make you feel when isolating you that you are bad. Other people are bad. They are good. This is conditioning. I do believe that this stain as i like to call it can stay with you for some time afterwards. Realise this is his thoughts not yours. I put something about this on facebook the other day. I will copy and paste here for you in a sec.

  12. So how is it that they can cry and tell you that they love you and deserve better only to turn around and within a week be with their next soul mate? I am grateful that I always felt something wasn’t right and didn’t display too much emotion, he would always say,” you have walls up, I don’t know why you are so uptight with me?” maybe I just knew in my heart to keep him at a distance to save myself. But… even though I kept him at a distance and never let him in I still feel the sting of discard. I did tell him I tried to love him but it’s hard to love someone with an empty soul.

  13. I was in a relationship with a sociopath for 7 years. It completely changed who I am today. It’s been 3 years that I haven’t seen him but we kept in contact because he wouldn’t leave me alone until he found out that I started seeing someone new. I haven’t heard from him for about maybe 3 months now which I am happy about for the time being because I feel like any time he can contact me again. I started seeing a new guy about 5 or 6 months ago who I realised is a sociopath as well. I tried breaking up with him. He threatened to hurt me physically and also threatened to involve and hurt my family. The problem is he knows where I live and he lives very close by. I live with my family and I don’t need them involved or hurt because I got involved with a wrong person again. I ignored his messages and phone calls for a week now. Now I am scared that he will come and burn down my house or do something to my cars that my family drives. I am completely unprotected and literary at this person’s mercy. I don’t know what to do. I can just sit and wait for the worst. If something was to happen to one of my family members because of me I know I would never survive the pain. I don’t believe that this person will just leave me alone and disappear from my life since my ex hadn’t left me alone in 3 years. Even though I haven’t seen him once in these 3 years, he still kept contact. I am scared because I dont know whether to ignore this person or answer because I don’t want to piss him off and make him upset at me. Is it possible for a sociopath to actually just leave you alone? Is there a way for me to protect myself and my family? I don’t believe in anything good anymore and I don’t have hope. Hope to me right now is sitting and waiting until this individual decideds what to do with you??

    1. Hi Nana, and welcome. I am really pleased that you have reached out. I absolutely understand where you are at right now. I was there for many years. That fear that you feel. Have you spoken to the police? Do you have evidence of this person threatening to hurt you and your family? If you do, you need to report it. You don’t have to be in fear, you are not alone. I have been where you are. He threatened to kill me if I left. He wouldn’t leave me alone. I lived in constant fear that he would show up outside of my home. Ignoring him just seemed to make the situation worse. Somewhere within you, I know you are exhausted and tired of this you need to find your strength. Remember this FAKE IT UNTIL YOU MAKE IT…. ok? You can do this. First of all you need to make it clear, that you are NOT scared of them. Ok? You need to file a report with the police. I urge you to speak to your family too. They might be more supportive than you realise. Take an injunction order against them to leave you alone. Find one person you trust. Be that a family member or a friend. All need is one. Contact a domestic violence support unit in your area, they have support workers who can also offer additional support for you. Please don’t think you are on your own. I can offer support through skype if you need it. Do they just leave you alone? I think that they love to play the game. If they think that they can. They love to dominate and hold power over you. You need to fake that you are stronger than you are. Do not give ANY information about your life. Block them. When they know nothing they have nothing to use against you. Use whatever you can to block them, including using the law and injunction orders. If you had to reply simply say do not contact me again, if you do, I will report you to the police for harassment. This is what the police advised me to do. It did work. he did eventually move on. You can heal, you can recover, you can get out of what feels like hell right now.

      1. Thank you for your response. This means a lot to me. I have a friend who knows everything about my situation and yet I can tell that she has no idea what I am really going through. Thanks for your advice it made me feel a little better.

  14. I’m 65. When I was 56, I reconnected with the love of my life after 34 years apart. I moved back to my hometown to be with her. The first two years together were the happiest of my life. Then we got married and it was downhill from there — the devalue phase that I’ve learned about. About two months ago, I learned that she’d been carrying on an affair with a married man (41 years) in another city for almost our entire marriage. All of the lies, deception and duplicity came out, and I left and filed for divorce. Most of my money is gone and I feel like a complete fool. She is unaffected and has never apologized or otherwise shown any remorse. The person who I loved so deeply and intensely apparently does not exist. This website has been an absolute life-saver for me. The hurt, confusion and despair were so hard to deal with, but I’ve learned I’m not alone, and that helps ease the pain. But I’m alone here in this city, and its hard to do the things necessary for recovery. I’m getting better, but its going to take time. Thank you for this site. I visit almost daily just to reread certain posts that I find helpful.

    1. Hi Tim, it isn’t surprising that you feel this way. You won’t get closure from someone like this. They continue on in their merry way. I am unsure if you are describing a sociopath as they are lying from day 1 they lie every single day of their life, everything is an act. I am sorry that you have had so many losses. I am also sorry that you are left feeling so alone after thinking you had met the love of your life. My grandmother would say 65 is young!! All that i can say is that it does get better as you are not being hurt anymore. You just have to heal from the hurt that has happened.

  15. I omitted much detail from my post. I have known and loved her since we were 12. She kept me around when she didn’t have boyfriend, but when she did, I was toast. And I allowed it. We didn’t date until college, when I asked her to marry me and she agreed. Then she dumped me after graduation. I moved far away and didn’t see her again for 34 years when we reconnected. She told me how much she regretted not marrying me to begin with . She mirrored everything about me, she totally suckered me and I didn’t see it coming. Looking back, I see how she cleverly manipulated me to do the things that she wanted. It was all lies. She wanted my money, my status (I’m a professional) and my connections. Once everything was in place, she began to devalue — claimed that I didn’t appreciate how “special” she was, embarrassed me in front of other people, I could go on and on. She has lied to me from the beginning. She even lied to me about the years long affair until I confronted her with emails between the two of them. Then it was buh-bye. She would have continued to drain me if I hadn’t found the evidence. She is a horrible person. She’s used the same approach with her paramour, even saying some of the same things she said to me early on. Its a pattern with her. She hits at least 6 of the 9 criteria for a sociopath.

  16. I realize what I’ve been through..and now I know I’m not alone in this. It is frightening to know that there are so many people who can do this to a person. To emotionally manipulate. When I found out about his double life and asked him ‘why?’ before no contact, he said, and I quote, “I was bored, I needed a family.” It was that simple for him and that was that.

    I know that I will never know why he did what he did, I will never know the extent of the lies, deception, future faking, false promises, listening to my children read him bedtime stories, or even who he really was. And I have to find acceptance that none of that matters. I will never forgive him…I am trying to accept that this is what I’ve been through, and forgive myself because I’m the one who deserves forgiveness.

    What I want most, is to identify what is in me that made me vulnerable? How and why did I disregarded my gut? Because I knew… I felt it was off and I justified, I rationalized. What part of me do I need to discover and resolve? Is there a quiz, a test, a questionnaire to help understand my past experience and how I can heal me? Heal the wounds that he saw so inviting? I don’t know where to begin in finding what made me a target.

    Before I realized that sociopathy wasn’t something only in the movies, I had written this as my last email to him…

    “The lies are so clear now. The depth of the lies, the truth will never be known. How shallow are you? To put someone on your shelf as a toy for almost 4 years? You let me be the other woman then… I got lost in the pain and I hurt. I made my mistakes. You made me the other woman yet again. You stole from me, my family, my children. You stole innocence, Hope and love. You lied, you cheated, you deceived. You did it to your wife, your son, this woman and her kids. You are truly a sick, sick man. In no way does this justify my wrongs, but they say you become like those closest to you. The ugliest me was when I was with you. You truly are a dark person. I thought I had seen the worst in people, you proved that so very wrong..I have a lot of pain inside too, xxxx. You saw that and you preyed on it. Don’t let it be something to be scared of, something needing to be purged or preyed upon … pain, hurt, it’s a part of who we are.”

    One day at a time. Thank you for providing a place for information, for solace, to vent and to maybe, just maybe be heard by someone who cares.

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