Tag Archives: psychologist

Dating a socipopath and Maslows Hierarchy of Needs


According to Maslow each human being has a hierarchy of needs. We all need these basic needs to be fulfilled to feel whole as human beings. These needs make us feel secure. When a component is missing, we search for these missing qualities in our lives.

You will see from the diagram above, that some of these needs are more important than others. If you think about when you first met the sociopath in your life – what did they offer to fulfil for you?

Primary Needs – Physiological Needs

If you look at the bottom tier, you will see the basics that every single human needs. These are our basic needs that need to be fulfilled. Denying any one of these needs is the worst kind of abuse.

  • Air
  • Water
  • Food
  • Clothing
  • Shelter (your home)

Feeling Safe and Secure

The next thing that a human needs is to feel safe. We need to feel safe in our environment and know that we will not come to harm.

  • Personal safety (to know that we will not come to physical harm)
  • Financial security (to know that we can pay bills,  that will enable us to cover our basic needs highlighted above)
  • To have good health
  • A safety net to rely on (external support networks, not feeling isolated)

Feel Loved and a Sense of Belonging

The other thing that humans need is to feel loved and a sense of belonging. This means to be treated without judgement as an equal by others. To  be treated with respect. To be loved for who you truly are.

Esteem to be valued by others

It is important for everyone to feel a sense of self esteem. To feel good about yourself. To feel that you make a valuable contribution to both yourself and those around you. To know that you are valued.

You also need to feel a sense of belonging. To feel that you belong where you are. That you ‘fit in’ both in your environment and with those people around you. You need to feel confident in both yourself, and in those people around you. You need to feel that you are ‘good enough’.

Self Actualisation

We all have dreams. It is important that we can have goals and to feel that we are successful in either reaching those goals,, or encouraged and supported to work towards them.  Rewarded and encouraged when we do. To be allowed personal expression. To follow our hearts desires, to be allowed freedom of will, to both follow dreams, and sometimes to make mistakes without excess judgement. We all have dreams. When someone is abused they can lose sight of their own personal dreams, and instead their sole energy becomes dependent on keeping the abuser happy.

To be happy and fulfilled you need your own goals, dreams and life plan. To work in co-operation with others, but also to be allowed to work independently to follow your own life plan. If this need is not fulfilled you will feel lost, disorientated, and could ultimately feel depressed.

Why the sociopath disorientates your senses and you are left feeling empty and bereft

It is hoped that if you have read this far in the post, it is self explanatory. The sociopath attacks your basic needs as a human being. The sociopath exploits your weaknesses and your emotions. To control and manipulate you. This is why when they have left your life you feel a sense of loss. Your basic needs have been exploited.

Your senses are disorientated as the sociopath is the master illusionist. The sociopath offers to give you all of the things that you might feel are missing in the Maslow Hierarchy of needs, they might even do this for a while – and then slowly they take those things away. Or they remove themselves. Which creates a dependency on the sociopath. You believe in your mind that you need this person to feel ‘whole’

The truth is that you can fulfil these needs for yourself. The sociopath was a cheap mind shot player. Playing with your needs and wants. By accurately listening to what you felt was missing in your life – and offering with ‘words’ not ‘actions’ you feel that those needs are fulfilled.

It is all an illusion. The truth is that only YOU can make YOU happy. Only you have that ability to fulfil the space in you. Only you should do this. Do not rely on someone else to fulfil this need within you.

There is nothing wrong with having a space in your life that needs to be fulfilled. But do not expect anyone else to fill that space. You have to ability to do this for yourself. In fact you should do this for yourself. When you have done this for yourself, then and only then are you in the right frame of mind for a new relationship.

Love yourself – you are worth it.

Words © datingasociopath.com Sept 2013