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Blaming, Framing and Shaming – Why revenge on the Sociopath is a waste of energy!

If Sociopath’s focused their energy into positive constructive pastimes they could be very successful. However, the majority of the time, due to poor impulse control, lack of long term planning and their desire to be in control and to win, things usually go awry within a short space of time.

One common feeling for victims of sociopaths, is a sense of betrayal and injustice. Inside there is a need to get ‘even’ or to seek revenge. The desire to make the sociopath ‘pay’ or understand how it ‘feels’.

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Usually this approach towards the Sociopath will backfire (although admittedly sometimes fate or karma can come into play, and you might be lucky enough to watch). The majority of the time, if you try to get revenge on the Sociopath it will backfire on you spectacularly.

It can feel very unfair that somebody has treated you in this way can get away with it? ‘How can this be fair?’ you ask. Truthfully, it isn’t fair. You might also think that if you do let the sociopath get away with it, that they will do the same to someone else? You can feel a sense of responsibility towards others, and a need to prevent the sociopath from hurting someone else the way that they have hurt you.

The sociopath doesn’t think like you do

What you see as important, is not of great importance to the sociopath. Firstly, sociopaths see life as a game and you the victim are just a player in the game of life. They see others, quite literally as ‘fair game’. By trying to seek revenge, in the sociopaths mind, you are being a willing player in the game. You are continuing to play the game with him/her. The sociopath won’t mind this, as quite simply they ‘don’t care’. They don’t really care about anything except themselves and their own selfish needs. if they fake that they do care, this is usually only to get something for themselves.

In the sociopath’s mind, if you are going to try to exact revenge, then you are becoming a willing participant to:

  • Blaming
  • Framing
  • Shaming

These are the three things that the sociopath will do, should you try to exact revenge. And this is the reason why it is a waste of energy, and will only serve to bring further problems into your life.

Firstly the sociopath will turn the situation around and blame you. If it is evident that you have done nothing wrong, don’t be fooled into thinking that because you have done nothing wrong, then the sociopath will be exposed and you look like the ‘good guy’, it doesn’t work like that in the mind of the sociopath. Next stop is Framing, if they cannot effectively blame you – well then they will frame you. You already know that sociopaths are compulsive pathological liars, manipulative and deceptive.

After blaming and framing comes shaming. This is where the sociopath will use everything that they learned about you in the assessment stage, all of your weaknesses to humiliate you and make you feel shame.

At this point, things are getting much worse for you. If the sociopath owes you money, realistically you are better off writing the money off. As although the sociopath might promise to give you back what they owe you, they will simply use this as a way to extend the game, and stall for time, make excuses. All any interaction with the sociopath does, is to establish you as a player in the game, and also a willing victim for further abuse. To them, you are simply playing the game. This is something that they enjoy.

Taking revenge rarely works

Revenge on the sociopath will rarely work because

  • They don’t care
  • They are pathological liars and will turn it around on you, using blaming, framing and shaming
  • They don’t worry about the future, what is important is right now. They have a lack of long term goals
  • They see life as a game, and you the victim are just a willing player in the game
  • They like to win and retain control and will do just about anything to achieve this
  • They like to play victim, and can use the contact to lure you back in, for a further round of abuse (and will do, if they think that you are useful for further source of supply)

What is the best way to get revenge?

The best revenge is living well. By establishing no contact, and getting on with your life as if you do not need the sociopath. Even if your heart is breaking, focus on you, and your life, do not waste your energy focusing on the sociopath, and the sociopaths life. It will only bring more negativity into your life.

Positivity attracts positivity. So attract positive things into your life. By focusing on what the sociopath owes you, or trying to get revenge, you  are focusing on negative energy, and this will only bring further negativity into your life.

By focusing on you, and your own life, bringing things into your life that are positive, you will bring into your world, more than you had lost with the sociopath, much more than what the sociopath owes you. Its a win win situation for you.

  • Establish No Contact
  • Focus on you
  • Realise that you will not recover losses from the sociopath,  but that you can recover personal losses in your life, by focusing on you and your life
  • Be around people that you trust, that bring out the best in you, people that make you feel good around you. If there is nobody, then learn to love your own company, remember what peace there is in silence
  • Try to do one thing each day that makes you smile, even if that is going for a walk and admiring the beauty  in the world, that is nature
  • Catch up with other losses, friends, family, rebuild your home, your life
  • Rebuild your life – without the sociopath

Revenge on the sociopath is wasted energy. It will get you nowhere, and will only encourage the sociopath to play the game further with you.

If you do get tempted…. please remember those three words

  • Blaming
  • Framing
  • Shaming

This is all that you will attract back towards you. Little else (unless the sociopath has committed an illegal offence that can absolutely be proven) – in this circumstance, call the police, do not deal with it yourself. Remove yourself from the game. Refuse to play the game.

Establish No contact today, and start focusing on you. Learn to love yourself, find your own inner happiness – you’re worth it 🙂

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