Did you feel like you were going crazy? You were losing your mind? This is all part of the sociopath’s crazy making behaviour.


The sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are guilty of themselves. They do this to deflect the attention from them.

Examples of this are

  • Accusing you of cheating
  • Accusing you of being dishonest or lying
  • Accusing you of talking about them
  • Accusing you of doing whatever it is that they are guilty of themselves

The sociopath has a bizarre ability to be able to make YOU feel guilty and feel like you have defend yourself… for things that he has done.

You see the sociopath, is actually fairly intelligent. He knows that whilst you are busy defending yourself, and proving your innocence, you will be confused, and will forget about the real issue, the truth that you are close to uncovering about the sociopath.

Bullshit Bingo

It’s all a game to the sociopath. Life is a game. With little inside themselves they spend most of their life playing stupid mind games.

Accusing you of things that they have done themselves, is something that they will do over and over again. The result for you, the victim is

  • Feeling confused
  • Feeling violated
  • Feeling misunderstood
  • Feeling unheard
  • Feeling guilty
  • Likely he will also say ‘everyone thinks, or says….’ – so you feel isolated too

Afterwards, after wasted hours, protesting your innocence, you think

How did that happen?

The truth is right there, you are relieved that the constant questions and accusations have stopped. There is peace again.

Once again, the sociopath has managed to manipulate the situation, and deflect blame back onto you. You have spent another few hours of your time, stressed, anxious and defending your corner.

You feel that yet again there was yet another problem that didn’t need to be there. Some other issue, that didn’t need to be there.

But for the sociopath, it isn’t like that. He is playing a game. Playing a game with your mind and your heart. There are two things that are important to the sociopath

  • Winning
  • Control

If you were to catch him out in a lie, he would neither win, or be in control. So he will do anything that he can do, to win the game, and control the game.

That is all that it is.

The sociopath probably doesn’t even realise the effect that this has on you. After all, he never thinks about your needs, and this is in terms of both good and bad things. He, like always is thinking about himself, not about you, your welfare or your needs.

It is all just a game. A stupid, mindless game. That could continue for the rest of your life if you let it.

Isn’t it time to move forward? To stop playing the stupid game with the sociopath, who could play forever. If you let him. The sociopath doesn’t feel too much,  but he does feel satisfaction from

  • Winning
  • Being in control

Maybe right now it is time to stop playing the game. To finish the game. Stop playing. It is now time to focus on you. On your needs and your welfare. After all when you were with the sociopath, so much of your time and energy was wasted, defending yourself, and playing pointless mind games, nobody was taking care of your needs.

Endless stress and endless drama. that is the relationship with the sociopath. There comes a time, when the only thing to do, is to put in place no contact rules, stick to them, and focus on you, and loving yourself and creating your own beautiful world. A world where there isn’t someone constantly trying to pull you apart.

You deserve so much better :)

Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013

266 responses »

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  1. abeeftec says:

    Wow, this entire read could be changed around using the Left as the Sociopath and those not on the left as the healthy person in the relationship with the sociopath!

  2. nana says:

    I have expressed my bi-curiosity to him and he hurts me when he gets on chats with other women with the excuse of helping

  3. beyond666 says:

    Hey,maybe a typical teenage girl type of temporary behaviour?

  4. Bruce says:

    I’m not sure why this blogger chose to use “he” instead of going entirely gender neutral. Perhaps she had a bad experience with a male sociopath. I just wanted to point out that I have had to deal with plenty of female sociopaths and psychopaths too and that they do exist.

    • positivagirl says:

      Hi Bruce it does on early posts because I was writing to the sociopath in my life. I am sure you can change the gender thank you.

    • I am dealing with and have been greatly harmed by a female sociopath: my 35 year old daughter. The information here frees me from my guilt but breaks me apart thinking there is no cure & she will forever harm those around her – and more heartbreaking, my 3 grandchildren.

      • orsidigital says:

        There is always Hope.
        You will lessen or reverse events just by being a part of them.
        Children also learn what NOT to do or be by observation.
        Stay positive to the kids, no use invalidating yourself by dissing their mom, and you will see better results than the hopelessness in your post. Never give up on the grandkids. You are their chance.

      • shell says:

        I know exactly how you feel. My daughter has wrongly accused me of fancying my sons friend and then turned around and said she likes him. The stress she put on me is unreal. I have had chest pains since it happened and unable to sleep properly. I am so wounded that she looked at me in that light. I feel like moving away but I too have grandchildren. I am heartbroken.

      • positivagirl says:

        Ignore it Shell, remember that if someone is mentally disordered they don’t always see the ‘truth’ in the same way that you do. It might not be a slight against you, rather a slight in their disorder. Paranoia and delusions.

  5. James says:

    Isn’t this the concept of projection? If so doesn’t this mean that sociopaths project their issues on their ‘victim’ ?

  6. Dennis Eijs says:

    Is this written by a sociopath?

  7. Dennis Eijs says:

    Well, since a sociopath has no or little empathy, he will think that everyone is and thinks like him/her. So if he cheats, he/she will assume you do too. And they don’t think that others can see inside of her/him, for they can’t with others. So they make up a story, they think’it could be true, so why doesn’t the other person believe me, for they don’t know it isn’t true, so they are the bad ones’ the problem is, you just SAW them do it, and they will still wholeheartedly deny it, to the point where you start doubting yourself. While you saw them do it. It is a brain malfunction, not all of them do it on purpose. Although you have who do.

    • positivagirl says:

      I write about my own experience Dennis. What would be the point, if I were a sociopath to write about it? Sociopaths like hiding for a start?!! Also, what would be ‘in it for me’…. sociopaths don’t do anything unless there is something in it for them, the fact I spent pretty much every day in 2013 writing this site – for no other reason than to work through my own pain, and to help other people – I couldn’t be a sociopath, or I would have just moved onto someone else. That said I do understand the sociopathic mindset. I don’t understand people like you though – as I don’t knock anyone -not even sociopaths, I am an empath….. just seems like a weird accusation to me.

      • matthooper says:

        I am an empath too but have been accused of being socio by Real Socios, why do they do this?

      • Seevern says:

        HEY!!! CAN’T YOU SEE WHAT DENNIS IS DOING TO YOU??? I think your point is made, some times they do it for the sheer pleasure of jerking you around. The world will always grow another hemorrhoid after the last is removed. Your doing good girl, plow on through!

    • positivagirl says:

      Ah…. yes, so you are a sociopath!! Clever writing on the post ‘the sociopath will always accuse you of what they are guilty of themselves.

  8. Curtis says:

    What youve really done is mass produced a label with the word sociopath on it so women in relationships can more readily label their partners a sociopath and are more willing to move on instead of work through some possibly minor control issues or pride. You kinda took your own personal experience with “a sociopath” and made it seems like every relationship that involves someone with pride or control issues. Its only my opinion but it seems like just a big fat overgeneralization.

    • positivagirl says:

      Why do you think this Curtis? I don’t tell anybody what to do. I just explain patterns of behaviour. With regard to working things through that isn’t easy with a sociopath even if they have a genuine desire to change. It isn’t like a normal relationship. For a start only one person knows what the rules are and constantly the victims life will be turned upside down.

    • Seevern says:

      HEY!!! CAN’T YOU SEE WHAT DENNIS IS DOING TO YOU??? I think your point is made, some times they do it for the sheer pleasure of jerking you around. The world will always grow another hemorrhoid after the last is removed. Your doing good girl, plow on through!

    • Seevern says:

      You have to fight Labels with Labels. They use Labeling for guilt purposes, I ought to know! I should be a Professor of this stuff by now. It is plain and simply, Psychological Warfare. They not only enjoy the control they have over you, they revel in the fact that they can control others thoughts concerning you also. It is sinister. I could write a book! Keep up the good effort!!!

    • Jessica Cotten says:

      No Curtis, a person that’s truly experienced a sociopath will suffer in every way possible,financially ,emotionally , if you had a child with them for 18 more years, etc. My story is long, & the MILLIONS of chances I gave my husband & not giving up is exactly what destroyed me in every way possibl. Including physically. It’s almost killed me, & WE ALL KNOW IT’S BOTH SEXES. No one is judging by sex, we just need support

  9. Jo says:

    hello. I think this was very interesting and informative. After reading this I’ve just realised that I’ve been dating a sociopath for over a year. I left him after catching him talking to other women and like you said constantly accused me of flirty cheating the list goes on. I sent him packing and told him not to contact me. Which I’ve done tons of times and he doesn’t listen. He’s made my life a misery. He is still with the girl who he cheated on me with but keeps messaging me playing mind games. He misses me etc etc. then he will accuse me of sleeping with men etc which I haven’t. And will not leave me alone. I’ve blocked him he just gets another phone somehow. He twisted so many things after reading this it made me realise that I made the right choice. Thank you. X

    • positivagirl says:

      You are welcome Jo, do you notice that despite HE is the one who is cheating, and is still with that person, he has the nerve to contact you and accuse you?

      It is, to the point of insanity really. It is the one thing that they do, that makes no logical sense. You then spend your time defending yourself. Really he is playing with you, toying with you. He doesn’t want you to heal and recover, move on and meet someone new. He needs to keep his source of supply, just in case he wants to return.

      Someone who wants to be with you. WILL be with you, he wouldn’t be with someone else. He made the choice to cheat, and is still with that person, next time he makes contact, and asks that question (if you don’t have him on block) tell him it is none of his business what you are doing, just as it is none of yours what he is doing. Stop being a bunny boiler stalker and get on with his life. Sociopaths respond ok to direct language. As it is the truth. What you are doing is none of his business, and likely he gets some form of supply by continuing to contact you, and getting a rise from your emotions, as he has little emotions of his own.

      • noonie says:

        not all sociopaths respond well to direct language/the truth, please please please be careful with this. my ex would go into a RAGE when faced with the truth or facts and get physically violent threatening to kill me. all to deflect.

      • positivagirl says:

        I have written many times that direct confrontation is not suitable for violent type. There is no place more dangerous than someone without a conscience who is violent.

  10. mintohutch says:

    Well I thought I was going crazy until I read this page and everything that I was accused of is what my she was doing and had been caught at.After my ex was caught by 10 year old daughter cheating she then threatened my daughter calling her a liar and was going to hit her.This is while I was recovering from having my colon removed due to cancer.This is where they turn things around because she had called my daughter a liar and threatened to slap her.I told her ” I would throw her out the door if she touched my daughter”.My daughter did not make that up and was sick to her stomach she told me and the last thing she needed was to feel that she had done something wrong.I did what any parent would do and protect their child and because I made that comment then I am the one with anger issues and not her threatening my child.There is so much and I am sure each of us could write a book on these individuals.For anyone who is making bad comments about this page I will tell you I found it at the right time and it helped me deal with my situation.I felt I was going out of my mind up until I read some of the things that were on here.Thanks.

  11. Have you ever seen two of them in a circle of friends, and how they interact with each other? It’s fascinating. It’s like two grifters in a banquet hall full of pigeons. I had them each separately telling me what was wrong with the other one. I don’t speak to either of them anymore, they both made me so flipping angry. And I was related to one of them! I could go on for days about the other one, but it just makes my blood pressure go up. :( Life’s too short, and potentially even shorter if you’re stuck with one of these people in your life.

  12. Keitha says:

    What about a person who does these things but also bends over backwards to help people, is charming, loved by everyone but only targets two or three people to treat badly.

    • positivagirl says:

      this would make sense Keitha, as they find a source of supply, they wear a mask to the outside world, where they create a false persona to hide the abuse from others, and to make the abused look like they are the crazy ones (after all, everyone else loves them).

    • mintohutch says:

      That is who my ex is.She buys the whole community and throws a yearly party for people.

    • Jean says:

      You have just described my sociopathic sister. I am her main target. My mom is her enabler/minion/unwitting victim, who tells me “but everyone just loves her (my sister)” Yes, but they are not the ones she is targeting, right now anyway. That’s what makes the abuse so hard for the one(s) targeted – no one believes them because all they see is the phoney “nice” persona, not the evil, lying manipulator. A big part of the abuse they inflict on the target is the isolation of no one being able to relate to, or even believe, what the sociopath is putting them through. Actually the real victim is my elderly mother and her wealth, but I am targeted for removal since I see through what the sociopath is up to. So she conducts her smear campaign and lies and backstabs me to create a situation where everyone in the family and circle of friends will think I’m crazy if I say anything against her. I live in a different state so she has all of the access and I have very little. I am also shunned in the family since I went no-contact with sociopathic sister several years ago. They just can’t imagine why I would find any fault with sweet little ol’ her.

  13. khan says:

    Been in a relation with one for 3 years & recently she broke up by accusing of sleeping with her best friend while i was at work. and then she’s back friends with her. I got the whole game plan before she even knew. Having a strict rule of not touching her phone or slightly even asking who it is on phone can start her blame games. So badly hurt with no closure at all, is worse!

  14. Me says:

    If you have children with them no it will drag on forever or until the kids are adults. If you have no ties to them then I suggest running as fast as you can. NEVER allow them in your life. They will befriend Your friends out of spite and misery. Let them…. Find new friends and never allow them to know who they are. Again. You need to distance yourself in every possible way.

    • mintohutch says:

      Exactly.I believe my daughter is on to her and is already rebelling against her.I have always taught my daughter about being honest and telling the truth and the court knows what my ex is like now as my daughter has told the Children’s lawyer the truth.

  15. Dykab says:

    Why is this directed only at males? Equality. Women can be as equally destructive – mentally, as Men.

  16. Qureshi says:

    Actually married to one. All that is described sounds like the story of my life. I caught him cheating right after just 3 days into our marriage & then again in the next one month & kept going on. Now he accuses me of cheating on him, lying to him & one way or the other feels the need to draw attention towards him. Have been separated twice but everytime I’m gone to my parents he just comes begging to give our marriage a chance. Due to our cultural norms & peer pressure have been taking leaps of faith to continue forward with this pointless relation. Don’t know how many more chances are to be given & wasted?!

    • positivagirl says:

      You need to know qureshi he will not change. The question you need to ask is how does his behaviour make you feel about you? If it is bad it is bad… If it is ok it is ok…. If it is good it is good. How do you feel about you when with him?. How does his behaviour affect you?

  17. Moonlady says:

    This article is really true!!

  18. susan says:

    OMG. Five years of torture finally over. most everything in this article is true. What an experience

  19. Renee says:

    This is identical to the relationship with my mother. Your parent is supposed to be your everything. The person you run to no matter your age. How the hell do you cut ties with your own mother? …I tell you that I’m so stressed by her bullying…I’m debating severing all ties.

    • positivagirl says:

      It is incredibly tough when it is your mother Renee. You are right your mother is meant to be the one place where you feel safe. Maybe take some time out to focus on you?

    • Sherri says:

      Renee, a Dr once told me “it’s ok to keep your mother at arms length”. I told her that I couldn’t even do that. She replied, “that’s ok too”. It’s what I had to do for my sanity.

  20. cinamon says:

    the trouble is YOU may decide to stop playing the game but that dont mean the sociopath will-they then start stalking you, i have been stalked by one for two years now who is a neighbour, i have been filming his constant attempts at contacting me and terrorize me and i am finally at breaking point and have now informed the police and housing about what this person has been doing to me. you have to hit them where it hurts and there are only 2 things these people fear that is loosing control and exposure.

    • positivagirl says:

      I agree. I tried to stop playing the game and life became he’ll. He stalked harassed turned my world upside down sociopaths can play the game on their own. If you don’t have a good legal system and support of police In your area it can be he’ll.

      • matthooper says:

        same here positive, and can’t even claim 2 years arrears child support due to my son as don’t think case would even be heard in court.

  21. joseyghosty says:

    This is so true. It took all of my childhood and up until just now (I am 26) to realize this. I finally had to cut all ties with my dad and his wife and her family. It was too much for me to keep playing the games, even after I was able to escape him. I feel free and I feel like my dad is finally getting to reap what he sowed. This was the only way I knew to show him that he has no right to have control over me and what he did was wrong and you can’t live without repercussions.

  22. vick says:

    I left a very terrible relationship a little over a year ago now and I was just wondering if anyone experienced any of these problems:

    -I took over full responsibility of the finances of our apartment after my ex decided he no longer was going to work or contribute. (Thousands of dollars later I’m still not financially recovered).

    -My ex was very charming, persuasive. Everyone who met him, including my family, was in love with him. He has proceeded to trash my name and reputation to certain groups of people. This is to the point where someone I work with asked me specific details about our relationship because my ex’s MOTHER had been talking about it.

    -Was anyone verbally abused, called names and cussed out, etc?

    – I dealt with my ex slashing his wrist open and having to call 911 and send him to the hospital. Also drug and drinking problems… I would find bottles of whiskey stashed in my couch cushions.

    -Did you ever lose your temper and patience and do something very out of your own character? This is most difficult for me, because I felt he pushed me to the edge of my own sanity and “won” when I snapped and lost my temper.

    I have related very well to the feeling of hopelessness and having everything turned around on you. I was wondering if these things occurred in other peoples experiences and most importantly how you deal with them after. It’s been a year and although I am in a much more positive place I struggle with these.

    • matthooper says:

      Same ongoing thing happening here, Vick.
      It’s awful and there’s nothing I can do about it because we have a son together and the threats are not nice. so feeling pretty hopeless and screwed.

    • ISeeTheLight says:

      YES! Each and every last example you gave, I experienced the same.

    • Jessica Cotten says:

      It’s long road Vick. I’m 4 yrs in trying to recover supporting 2 children completely alone from 14yrs ofhell . I JUST finally found label & support through all this, bc I also finally gave up my mother at 40. The person I learned to accept this behavior from. Yes, all those things did happen to me too, in one way or another. I Hope you stay strong & find peace again in your heart & mind. I’m trying & praying I do too!

  23. Me says:

    Vick, I think we have all experienced what you described. Just stay clear and move on. If you share the same friends get knew ones!
    For me the hardest part is trusting new people in my life especially woman. I hate to say it but I’m rather a paranoid person because of all this. I love my dog a lot though. He’s my best friend!!

  24. Hello Pos, stopped by to say hello. Well after 2 glorious years of going solo I screwed up again 44 months ago and today we broke up, I kicked him out, they never drugging change. But I’m fine thanks God.I feel so much differently than the first time this happened.just wanted too let you know your always right. Love & peace

    • Pos I meant 4 months ago and they never friggin change

      • positivagirl says:

        Nope they don’t ha I know that well. They start off good soon the bad creeps in until it’s full on… It’s exhausting.

      • pigletta2001 says:

        Hi Post & Boopsie, I am guilty of the same things, Had 2mth break then we felt lonely & he seemed to change but only for a few days then worse temper than before. Then he calmed down again. But he tried to isolate me from my friends & brainwash me with negative gossip about his enemies, my friends, World Govt, end times & bible doctrine, taking bible out of context. He was affectionate more at first & less towards end & was giving me hints it would be over eg. We’re at a crossroads now or we’re in an interim period now. He ended the rship after a woman at church flirted with him, he was very careful no phone calls or sms from her that I knew of,. He didn’t want me to tell a man that I knew about her, as he probably wanted her as 2nd girlfriend, lover on side. His mask slipped off & then he left. They never change, only a few days if at all. I moving on, independent of him again. I never met his parents this time around. We were only together again a bare 2months. That’s his cycle with me.2 month use by date lol. Anger possessiveness, pride jealousy are his main emotions. Church paster gave me some healing & another person who sees in spirit who knows him, said he has pride passiveness, anger inside & God has to heal him. I guess from seeing that the ex’s narcs, spaths are so similar, that they all have these negative emotions & all are energy vampires. His constant negativity drained my energy, I had allergies, sinus, blocked nose when he was here & also when we were texting, before he came back. His negative energy gets inside my head, mind, energy field sometimes, I notice now, since he left. I msg;’d a closure msg on mobile & left it at that. Going no more contact again. Spiritual healing, cutting the cord does truly help & seeing friends again, driving, learning new things, going away for while, writing journal or letters, socialising to take mind off & heal heart, counselling, truly helps. Blessings, love to u all. Dragonfly xxxx

    • positivagirl says:

      Hey boopsie I just wrote this in a post. No it is never the same when you split second or more time as much of the processing is done. They never change do they? Despite their claims that they are just about to make a full recovery!! ….

  25. just me says:

    It’s amazing how spot on this article was. My sociopath is very sweet and enduring until his outbursts. He says everything a woman would want to hear. He is very loyal and brags about me to everyone. He literally makes me feel like the only woman on earth. I thought he was just madly in love with me but after reading up on sociopaths he is it to a T. The grooming then weeding out my friends because they are “inappropriate”. Then once it was just him and I he would complain i wasn’t looking at him enough, sitting close enough or touching him! I finally ditched him and he won’t leave me alone. Letters in my mailbox after I blocked his calls and online Craig’slist posts begging me to come back to him because I’m his soul mate ect. I responded with anger hurtful words and felt so guilty. After apologizing I realized he had WON! He got a response. …. that’s all he needed. I will no follow the no contact rules! !!! I and we can all find healthy love! No matter how long it takes it will be better than being under their control!

  26. anonymous says:

    Everything they do is to make you feel you’re going crazy. Luckily I’m aware as to what game he has had everyone playing. Hasn’t worked with me, I’m strong but wont be around to continue putting up with his game and using everyone around while involving my children. I’ll do it for my children as they only deserve peace and freedom from the pitfalls of their crazy behaviour. Exactly what we wants to gain power. To make me appear insane and trying to do that by creating crazy thoughts and using even my own family to be in on it. Silly little man so empty and will never experience real love as too intent on hating and involving themselves with things that have nothing to do with them. The nice people have no idea they’re all being used.

    • positivagirl says:

      It’s always about control and winning.

      • Pmac says:

        I truly agrre it is all about control and winning. He is never wrong yet.lies all the time lol. He even tells his own lies months later out of anger, trying to get back at me for accusations hes thinks r facts… he sinks his own ship at times.

  27. Reyes says:

    I’ve been married to a wonderful man for over 25 yrs. I recently reconnected (via Instagram) with a high school boyfriend. This guy I consider like a family friend, I was best friends with his cousin, whom he introduced me to. His mother was like my mother, his aunts were like my aunts, and his grandmother was like my grandmother. I was happy to hear from him. The first few days were just catching up on people we both have in common. He asked if I still talked to any high school friend, and I said yes, all of them. When I asked the same question he replied only one. We then got onto the subject of our carriers and how we got to this point in our lives. He already knew lots about my life because of the relation with his cousin, I assume, or maybe not. He said things to me like, “how lucky my husband is to have me” and “I regret us not being together” and “I looked for you after a few years but when I realized you were married, I just moved on”. I noticed by the third day that something’s weren’t right, so I didn’t reply to his private message for a day in a half. When we resumed on conversation he was very adamant that he was not going to be sneaking around with me and conversation with out my husbands knowledge. I informed him my husband was aware and he knows he had nothing to fear from us conversating. About the fifth day, I started to analyze him and the things he would say, and how every word he turned into was diverted back about me. At that point I think he moved in for the kill, with fear that I’ve caught onto him. He was telling me “you really want me don’t you”? (Where that came from I don’t know). He wanted me to tell him , what he thought were my dreams about being sexually involved with him. Sub consciously he had been on my mind and yes I did wonder “what if” but never to the point that he could come to such a crazy conclusion about our reconnection. He than came after me with this… ” can I be brutelly honest?, I never did love you back than, I liked you a little bit, but you were aggressive so I went for you. I dint like sex and not much even today” (WTF what guy doesn’t like sex). At that point I was totally confused and knew I had to distance myself, but how? Since he was very adamant that “sexting was cheating” I decided to roll play. So next day I came at him strong. I didn’t let him get a word in as I told him I lusted for him and how he has been in my dreams and how he needed to talk sexy to me and how when I thought of him, I would come to a point of extasy and how I was hooked on him and he was right about my feelings. His reply to all of that… “Remove me from your profile, I’m not going there with you, and don’t message me anymore. And that quickly I was gone from his friends list. Mission accomplished. Now my question is… I feel horrible to have done that because I DO have a conscious and because we practically grew up together and I loved his family dearly. Do I stay myself away and let him believe he was the one to call it quits? Or do I let him know I know exactly what he did and how dare he try that bullshit with me?

  28. g says:

    forget it ever happened. you got lucky. and always deny any thing about it.

  29. Boo says:

    Good read. Clearly written by a female about a male 😂 It’s important that any one reading this article understands that sociopaths often have a vagina. Some of the worst human beings I’ve ever known were female. The really nasty ones will attempt to instigate violence in hopes that you’ll hurt them so they can get the cops involved. Nothin’ destroys a man like a good ole assault charge haha. Just keep your cool and cut off contact. Life should be enjoyed and (like the author mentioned) you deserve better.

  30. Ally says:

    I think some of you are confusing cheating and then them accuse you of doing it back. That’s not all a sociopath is. They will mentally and emotionally distroy you from the inside out. They rip you away from you friends and family, so they have more control. I have spent 6 years trying to prove to him I am doing the things I say I’m doing. From bringing home receipts from the store so he knew what time it was when I checked out, or having to take pictures of the road construction I was stuck behind and that’s why I got home 15 minutes late. Not to mention the countless GPS he put in my car, on my phone. The cameras he has hiding around my home, all because he can’t trust me. I have never done anything wrong. If I dont clean the house exactly the way he wants, hes pissed at me and basically says im lazy, sociopaths find other ways and words to say what they mean so it seems like it was your idea that your lazy not his. It is literally psychological warfare. I was 16 when we started dating, I’ve never been with anyone else. I have a 2 year old with him that I’m with all of the time and I’m never a good enough mom. I’m not allowed to go anywhere without getting permission, otherwise he gets angry with me and makes me feel like I did something wrong. A few months ago he broke up with me started doing drugs got himself a girlfriend, decided he wanted to come back, so like an idiot I let him come back. And I pay the price for it everyday. I get accused of EVERYTHING. Most reciently he told me everything I say to him makes him want to kill himself, and hes tried, so now he has me thinking im such a horrible person he wants to take his life because of me, and then I feel I will probably end my life over the guilt because I’m such a bad person that my daughters father would kill himself over something I say, what would i tell my daughter if her daddy decides to kill himself because of me. I try to remember this, my life is all just a game to him, so most days i just stay quiet for fear anything i say will set him off. I cant tell him how i feel because then im a bad, horrible, mean person. It is the most messed up life, honestly living just feels like a bad dream anymore. I have no friends anymore because I was never allowed to go anywhere. My family and I barely speak. They isolate you and make you feel worthless. And little by little they take all of your self esteem until you have nothing but them and that’s how they get you to stay. And to them all you are is a shell of a person they can torment. He has me so messed up that even typing this right now I’m questioning weather maybe it is just me and I’m the problem. That is was a sociopath is, not someone who cheats and then accuses you of it. They leave you empty to the point where you feel you have done this not them. This man has an emotional/mental war raging on in my head and I have no fricking clue how to get away from it. So please take this seriously.

    • positivagirl says:

      Hey Ally, how my heart went out to you reading your comment. it is so hard when you are still in it, as they warp your thinking. I can tell you that this isn’t your fault, but he will say something to you five mins later, to bring you back down again. Do you know the only way out of this is to get away from him. As you need the headspace to remove the brainwashing, grooming, manipulation and control he has over you. He has taken over your senses, your thinking, your every part of your being, and it won’t get any better until you get away from him and have time and space to heal and recover. I know that isn’t an easy process either. Anyone who makes out, just do no contact and you will be fine, it is more than that and can take a long time to undo to mind control. I know, that this is not just a sociopath who cheats then accuses you of it. What you describe is like the psychological nut job that was in my life. Read the post sociopath mind control, how it works and its effects on you post (there is a search bar to the side) this was one of the first posts that I read the final time that we split. It took me a lot of reading going back years, and most of this year to undo damage that was done. But I still have some way to go, in terms of what he has done to my self esteem, confidence, and just my trust in people, the world, and how I see life.

    • Nicki says:

      Hello Ally,

      Stay strong, it is not only you. I’m experiencing the same exact thing you described, you are not alone or crazy. I pray for wisdom, strength and discernment and I hope the same for you too.

    • Kirsty.brogy says:

      I am going through the exact same thing,with a man who is twice my age.He constantly accuses me of cheating,wether it be with my brother in law,my cousin,just a random guy on the street.He says all the right things to make me think he is madly in love with me and then out of the blue he will take offensive to something I say,it could just be something like,me saying I like another males top,then he thinks I am having an affair with them.Everytime I leave him after he has beat me up,which he has started doing normally every other day,he begs me back.He will call me thousands of vile names and bring everyone of my family members into it,who he has never met.He makes up lies of me cheating and lies that people have told him that I cheat.when they haven’t.He tells me noone likes me and everyone knows what I am.My friends and family have become distant with me as when I do manage to talk to them on the telephone,I can’t be myself,because he always has something negative to say for no logical reason.Yesterday I stayed at his flat and told him just as friends that I no longer want to be in a relationship with him as he keeps abusing me physically and mentally apologises and then does it again.He sits up all through the nite most nights accusing me of sleeping with random people.I left his flat again this morning as he accused me all through the nite last nite of cheating with a random old friend.when I finally drifted off and woke this morning he slammed my head off a speaker and off the floor because I told him I wanted to leave,he then locked me in the flat and hid the keys.This time I managed to shout at of the window to a neighbour to call the police.she didn’t call the police.but even then he didn’t open the door for atleast another hour,this time for once he didn’t chase me and he hasn’t sent me a single message up to now.wow just as I said this he has texted me now calling me a worthless peice of shit.these texts will go on all day for hours,days,weeks months until I give in and see him,then the same thing will start all over again

      • positivagirl says:

        Hi Kirsty, you need help to get away from this man, he is abusing you. Can you go no contact, take each day as it comes? Block his number? Block him on social media, block his email address? What do you think would happen if you did this?

    • Sherri says:

      Ally, I hope things are better for you now. It’s a process but you will see the light at the end of the tunnel..if you haven’t already. Just know that there are worse things than being alone…one is being with a monster.

  31. bansi says:

    I was married with one of this crazy people a “narcisist” for one year, now he send me to court and accusing me of fraud without any proofs of that.
    Fraud that I knew the relationship will never work.
    Fraud that I cheated on him and I know he don’t have any proofs of that because IT’S NOT TRUE.
    Be carefull people make sure the person you want for your life has resolved his childhood problems and ready to move on. Study the person, do not open your heart to the first person who says; i love you, Be careful at least I will

  32. Sparkel says:

    Wow I really needed to read this!this morning I woke up to an email where he accused me of being a heartless sociopath, and blamed me for everything that went wrong accusing me of sending him to prison and ruin his life, and that he “forgives me” for cheating on him (I have never cheated)
    I never answered I’m getting very tired of these games and I feel drained.
    Just wondered when he accused me of being a sociopath is he someway admitting he is one?
    Even if I know the truth and I never balmed myself for what happened and I know the prombelm is him. I still feel confused about everything.

  33. JW says:

    This is a great site, girl, and you are doing an excellent job.

  34. Blackrocketkitty says:

    So true. Ive recently been able to put a name to the crazy accusations and fights we are constantly having. Its awful. We have three kids… I hear the same things DAILY: Im a terrible mother, cheating, cant be trusted, dont have a job (i stay homw with our three kiddos under three years old) i dont contribute, and i do drugs becuz the way i dealnwith all of the constant put downs is by avoiding him, which means i usually hang out in the back of the house/laundry room. He is always sahing things like “everyone thinks youre lazy and crazy, kids arw in danger with me” – cuz i hide all the time. The kids do not need to hear thier mom is worthless or watch him be violent. So i hide like a turtle in mybshell intil he leaves. Its not fair- he recently had my 3 yr old tell his sisters husband- a sheriff- that mommy hit her in the head with a brush.. He of course reported me and now i cant discipline the kids, i dodnt hit her ever, but he also un does all of mynparwnting efforts. Its a loosing battle. Thanks for this article. Ive lost ALL if my life time friends due to our relationship and find myself talking to myself.. This article made me cry. I apprechiate the honesty and will be better off knowing what im dealing with. Good luck to all

  35. Blackrocketkitty says:

    Does a sociopath know they are a sociopath.. Donthey know there is a problem possibly with themselves?

    And- how does this happen? (for someone to become a sociopath??)

    Is there help or therapy?
    Can they change?

    Am i married with 2 kids to someone who doesnt know hes mind f*$#@ing me (and my kids?)

    • positivagirl says:

      No they can’t change look up the post ‘can a sociopath change’ to understand why.

    • positivagirl says:

      He absolutely does know he is mind fucking with you. Sadly he does it deliberately too

      • matthooper says:

        what does one do when they mindf’ck you?

      • positivagirl says:

        They are always mind fucking you. From day one until you walk away from them.

      • matthooper says:

        there is no way to get away so i guess its chaos forever :(

      • Blackrocketkitty says:

        Thank you. I apprechiate from the bottom of my soul your honesty and the site. You have no idea how long i thought it was me or if i was going nuts.
        Worst part is- hes now vot the entire family thinking im a loony bin… And that i need medication. If i dont go to the doctor and tell them …?? I cry and get upset and the fact that my youngest is 10 mo old and hes making it look like i have post pardum… Hes mind f*#$÷! (Matthooper) when someone makes you look like the nut job, or convinces you that you are the one with a mental problem. Looks at you straight in your eyes and says ” dont you remember doing or saying ____?” and it NEVER HAPPENED. Tells stories about things that did not happen and takes it as far as making false police reports. Tells your 3 yr old to say things to her uncle who is a sherrif.
        I have said many times i would not go to court for another parenting plan, as the one with my oldest ripped my family to peices… And we could ALWAYS find somekind of agreement. But, the way things are happening and especially the last 3 weeks… Makes me FEEL NUTS AND READY TO FINALLY GET OUT.
        The best part is- where? With 3 kiddos under 3 yrs old where CAN we go? A shelter is absolutely out of the question, ANY judge will take them from me, in a divorce. My parents still have their young kids living at home and so little room as is. His family is poisoned avainst me as a “cbild beater that needs crazy meds”. Its definalty a inner struggle and no one to talk to.
        So agian- thank u so much for letting me get this off my chest for a few mins. Its been nice to know im not alone. Thank u thank u thank u !!!!!

  36. ann says:

    My husband has cheated since we been together. He constantly accuses me of cheating and makes me feel like I do wrong…which I don’t. I always make excuses to stay. I’m too the point now I laugh at his silly accusations. I know I need to leave for mine and my kids sake. I can’t do anything for myself like paint my nails or wear perfume because I get accused of cheating. I’m miserable.

    • positivagirl says:

      When he accuses you he is doing this himself. You spend time defending yourself rather than focusing on what he is up to.

    • positivagirl says:

      It won’t get better Ann will damage your self esteem. If I wore mascara I was accused of trying to lure another man so I stopped when I stopped I was told that I didn’t take care of myself. It’s psychological abuse.

  37. Signe says:

    My dad ( and my mom) took all my inheritance .. now blackmailing me to keep in contact, told the familly he bought me an appartmen. Called social workers and police at me, for many years tracking me down, if I didnt want contact. With all kind of accusation
    Now accusing me of wanting to kill him….. I cant win. I cant get away, not in country like Denmark.
    I just blatent lies and extreme crime, and it repeats all the time

  38. guppie577 says:

    One of the first things i began to notice was the false accusations. It drove me nuts. A subset is that they will assign false intentions or secret motives to ordinary things, often in front of others. This is the beginning of a false history complete with witnesses, using fraud and improvised evidence to persuade others that you have a consistent pattern of delusional, evil behavior.

    This is what mind-fucking is. Dangerous head games. Their calm, confident ability to use & manipulate people outside of your relationship against you, implies objectivity. They’re profiling you with malicious slander that appears like unbiased truth to the outside world. Once they’ve convinced law enforcement, the legal system, co-workers, neighbors, family or friends, it is almost impossible to reverse because now YOU look exactly like the crazy desperate delusional person they said you were.

    The premeditation of those early seeds they planted, plus the perfect and patient execution of the set-up shows the degree of psychological violence (my term). The beauty lies in the double trap take-down; Trap A-people believe his lies & the false version + Trap B-you look crazy & vindictive. This is defeat. This is NOT low self-esteem at work.

    I would prefer a beating any day.

  39. Hope says:

    All I can say .I’m glad I found this site.so very helpful.Thanks a lot

  40. mintohutch says:

    This site has helped me so much because I also thought that I was going insane.After 3 years of custody battles and nonsense where my child was so upset about seeing a child lawyer she began cutting herself.This was all because my daughter said she wanted to live with me half the time and my ex wife lied to the court and said my daughter wanted to live with her full time.Although my daughter constantly told her she wanted to keep things the way they were 50% with each parent.The child lawyer interviewed my daughter and now the court FINALLY knows the truth.I now have my daughter 50% of the time.Also like others on here she has gone around making accusations about me being violent and abusive and when my daughter was cutting herself she did not tell me.I found out about it at a parent teacher interview 14 days later.When I confronted my ex she started yelling at my 13 year old daughter saying” I told you that you should of told your dad.Now look at the trouble you have caused”. I told my ex”You are the one who should of told me and don be blaming my daughter”.All through this even though my ex has coverage through her work for counselling she never even thought to get my daughter help.I went within a week and had my daughter seeing a counsellor.But just like most of us know they have a way of twisting people and the counsellor was the next person to fall into her trap.The counsellor would call me up and tell me I need counselling.I put my daughter into the counselling for her to get back on track and not for me.The counsellor would say”You sound angry.Are you Angry with me now? She had been fooled by my ex and was trying to get a reaction out of me.My daughter is no longer seeing that counselor and is doing much better and is doing very well in her first year of high school.I will always be there to support her and do whats right for her.But its sad to see how ruthless people are and even when a child is going through something such as my daughter went through how a person can still point fingers at my child and me and not think of the big picture and our daughters well being

  41. Shizz says:

    Maybe it should be considered that “sociopath” isn’t a diagnosis, however BPD, NPD and ASPD all have have various symptoms associated with “sociopathy”. I’m not criticising your understanding, just providing information.

  42. vicki says:

    Yes I’ve been reading all this…..Omg. I have been with this guy for a little over a year. Things at first I would just think we’ll maybe he has had bad relationships and now is unable to trust. But…..so have I. I see all these things in him bit surely he’s good somewhere. I’m so in love but I really don’t know how much more I can take. Every time I try to leave he says, who is it??? Who have you already been with that you’re leaving me for?? I’m not a cheater, when I’m in love, I truly look at nobody else. So him always accusing me of stuff is really hurting. I don’t even know what to do. My heart has been broken before, I really like having someone but…… why did I even have to meet him……Ugh. I feel helpless.

  43. Blackrocketkitty says:

    I think evweyone fears change. Im starting to realize its myself that needs to wake up. If they cant\ wont change, why am i self torturing??
    I used to think i loved hom and he loved me, then that i was being punished for something else i did, then i told myself maybe i traded this life of hell for another life of happiness, then blamed GOD, then got mad at EVERYTHING until i realized this dude doesnt love me. Ive been in love before, and he died in a motorcycle accident. I was a wreck for a long tine about it (the reason for the “i deserve it” mentality) looking at tje situation from another angle i realized hes making me look like an ass, TO EVERYONE, making me waste my youth(ha! If thats what to call it) and going thru hell-in fron of my 4 kids..3 under 3yrs.. And that if ibdied tonorrow- my kids will be left thinking thats love, thats how they should be on day, its ok to be miserable and unhappy- not to mention ive sold everyine of my belongings so id leave them with just bad memories… Ok, that made me cry.. But its not ok to treat other people like dirt. The things hes done- i dont think i could do to him or my worst enemy. Ive got a chance to live my life and its always the first thing survivors of tragities say is time is short and apprechiate what u have… But i also must admit going to the doc a few weeks ago and hearing that im in a time crunch due to heart problems made me re evaluate things. I did try last night one last ditch effort to talk to him, he doesnt even give me the decency to deny the cheating and mind games. I am hard pressed for a good memory and dont think its fair to leave on a selfish note. Its not me keeping a family together lome i thought.. Im denying the little ones from moms FULL attention and i hide in another room when hes around… I didnt notice until i looked out and saw his truck home from work and caught myself RUNNING into the laundry room.
    Even tho i can say all this i still in my heart wish it would change and go away.. And i could have the family i always wished for.
    Life is precious.
    All of you deserve to be happy and to laugh, smile and look in the mirror with a happy heart.
    I hope you all find happiness.
    Good luck!

  44. SHERRI says:

    This is very true
    I was constantly accused of cheating and even though I caught my x sociopath of 15 years he still denied it all.
    The other female of course was told I was a horrible woman and mother and lots of other bs.
    15 years of this crazy man and now I am trying to heal .
    I am keeping no contact which is hard with 2 kids but they want nothing to do with him either.
    I have now blocked him on my phone after always getting sexual texts every so many months.
    I am going to defeat this and win.He is not!!

  45. FeedingTheCannibal says:

    Is this about “dating” a sociopath, or “divorcing” a sociopath?

    If you’ve failed, why carry on like you are an expert and advice people?

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