Did you feel like you were going crazy? You were losing your mind? This is all part of the sociopath’s crazy making behaviour.

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The sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are guilty of themselves. They do this to deflect the attention from them.

Examples of this are

  • Accusing you of cheating
  • Accusing you of being dishonest or lying
  • Accusing you of talking about them
  • Accusing you of doing whatever it is that they are guilty of themselves

The sociopath has a bizarre ability to be able to make YOU feel guilty and feel like you have defend yourself… for things that he has done.

You see the sociopath, is actually fairly intelligent. He knows that whilst you are busy defending yourself, and proving your innocence, you will be confused, and will forget about the real issue, the truth that you are close to uncovering about the sociopath.

Bullshit Bingo

It’s all a game to the sociopath. Life is a game. With little inside themselves they spend most of their life playing stupid mind games.

Accusing you of things that they have done themselves, is something that they will do over and over again. The result for you, the victim is

  • Feeling confused
  • Feeling violated
  • Feeling misunderstood
  • Feeling unheard
  • Feeling guilty
  • Likely he will also say ‘everyone thinks, or says….’ – so you feel isolated too

Afterwards, after wasted hours, protesting your innocence, you think

How did that happen?

The truth is right there, you are relieved that the constant questions and accusations have stopped. There is peace again.

Once again, the sociopath has managed to manipulate the situation, and deflect blame back onto you. You have spent another few hours of your time, stressed, anxious and defending your corner.

You feel that yet again there was yet another problem that didn’t need to be there. Some other issue, that didn’t need to be there.

But for the sociopath, it isn’t like that. He is playing a game. Playing a game with your mind and your heart. There are two things that are important to the sociopath

  • Winning
  • Control

If you were to catch him out in a lie, he would neither win, or be in control. So he will do anything that he can do, to win the game, and control the game.

That is all that it is.

The sociopath probably doesn’t even realise the effect that this has on you. After all, he never thinks about your needs, and this is in terms of both good and bad things. He, like always is thinking about himself, not about you, your welfare or your needs.

It is all just a game. A stupid, mindless game. That could continue for the rest of your life if you let it.

Isn’t it time to move forward? To stop playing the stupid game with the sociopath, who could play forever. If you let him. The sociopath doesn’t feel too much,  but he does feel satisfaction from

  • Winning
  • Being in control

Maybe right now it is time to stop playing the game. To finish the game. Stop playing. It is now time to focus on you. On your needs and your welfare. After all when you were with the sociopath, so much of your time and energy was wasted, defending yourself, and playing pointless mind games, nobody was taking care of your needs.

Endless stress and endless drama. that is the relationship with the sociopath. There comes a time, when the only thing to do, is to put in place no contact rules, stick to them, and focus on you, and loving yourself and creating your own beautiful world. A world where there isn’t someone constantly trying to pull you apart.

You deserve so much better :)

Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013

208 responses »

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  1. abeeftec says:

    Wow, this entire read could be changed around using the Left as the Sociopath and those not on the left as the healthy person in the relationship with the sociopath!

  2. nana says:

    I have expressed my bi-curiosity to him and he hurts me when he gets on chats with other women with the excuse of helping

  3. beyond666 says:

    Hey,maybe a typical teenage girl type of temporary behaviour?

  4. Bruce says:

    I’m not sure why this blogger chose to use “he” instead of going entirely gender neutral. Perhaps she had a bad experience with a male sociopath. I just wanted to point out that I have had to deal with plenty of female sociopaths and psychopaths too and that they do exist.

    • positivagirl says:

      Hi Bruce it does on early posts because I was writing to the sociopath in my life. I am sure you can change the gender thank you.

    • I am dealing with and have been greatly harmed by a female sociopath: my 35 year old daughter. The information here frees me from my guilt but breaks me apart thinking there is no cure & she will forever harm those around her – and more heartbreaking, my 3 grandchildren.

      • orsidigital says:

        There is always Hope.
        You will lessen or reverse events just by being a part of them.
        Children also learn what NOT to do or be by observation.
        Stay positive to the kids, no use invalidating yourself by dissing their mom, and you will see better results than the hopelessness in your post. Never give up on the grandkids. You are their chance.

  5. James says:

    Isn’t this the concept of projection? If so doesn’t this mean that sociopaths project their issues on their ‘victim’ ?

  6. Dennis Eijs says:

    Is this written by a sociopath?

  7. Dennis Eijs says:

    Well, since a sociopath has no or little empathy, he will think that everyone is and thinks like him/her. So if he cheats, he/she will assume you do too. And they don’t think that others can see inside of her/him, for they can’t with others. So they make up a story, they think’it could be true, so why doesn’t the other person believe me, for they don’t know it isn’t true, so they are the bad ones’ the problem is, you just SAW them do it, and they will still wholeheartedly deny it, to the point where you start doubting yourself. While you saw them do it. It is a brain malfunction, not all of them do it on purpose. Although you have who do.

    • positivagirl says:

      I write about my own experience Dennis. What would be the point, if I were a sociopath to write about it? Sociopaths like hiding for a start?!! Also, what would be ‘in it for me’…. sociopaths don’t do anything unless there is something in it for them, the fact I spent pretty much every day in 2013 writing this site – for no other reason than to work through my own pain, and to help other people – I couldn’t be a sociopath, or I would have just moved onto someone else. That said I do understand the sociopathic mindset. I don’t understand people like you though – as I don’t knock anyone -not even sociopaths, I am an empath….. just seems like a weird accusation to me.

      • matthooper says:

        I am an empath too but have been accused of being socio by Real Socios, why do they do this?

      • Seevern says:

        HEY!!! CAN’T YOU SEE WHAT DENNIS IS DOING TO YOU??? I think your point is made, some times they do it for the sheer pleasure of jerking you around. The world will always grow another hemorrhoid after the last is removed. Your doing good girl, plow on through!

    • positivagirl says:

      Ah…. yes, so you are a sociopath!! Clever writing on the post ‘the sociopath will always accuse you of what they are guilty of themselves.

  8. Curtis says:

    What youve really done is mass produced a label with the word sociopath on it so women in relationships can more readily label their partners a sociopath and are more willing to move on instead of work through some possibly minor control issues or pride. You kinda took your own personal experience with “a sociopath” and made it seems like every relationship that involves someone with pride or control issues. Its only my opinion but it seems like just a big fat overgeneralization.

    • positivagirl says:

      Why do you think this Curtis? I don’t tell anybody what to do. I just explain patterns of behaviour. With regard to working things through that isn’t easy with a sociopath even if they have a genuine desire to change. It isn’t like a normal relationship. For a start only one person knows what the rules are and constantly the victims life will be turned upside down.

    • Seevern says:

      HEY!!! CAN’T YOU SEE WHAT DENNIS IS DOING TO YOU??? I think your point is made, some times they do it for the sheer pleasure of jerking you around. The world will always grow another hemorrhoid after the last is removed. Your doing good girl, plow on through!

    • Seevern says:

      You have to fight Labels with Labels. They use Labeling for guilt purposes, I ought to know! I should be a Professor of this stuff by now. It is plain and simply, Psychological Warfare. They not only enjoy the control they have over you, they revel in the fact that they can control others thoughts concerning you also. It is sinister. I could write a book! Keep up the good effort!!!

  9. Jo says:

    hello. I think this was very interesting and informative. After reading this I’ve just realised that I’ve been dating a sociopath for over a year. I left him after catching him talking to other women and like you said constantly accused me of flirty cheating the list goes on. I sent him packing and told him not to contact me. Which I’ve done tons of times and he doesn’t listen. He’s made my life a misery. He is still with the girl who he cheated on me with but keeps messaging me playing mind games. He misses me etc etc. then he will accuse me of sleeping with men etc which I haven’t. And will not leave me alone. I’ve blocked him he just gets another phone somehow. He twisted so many things after reading this it made me realise that I made the right choice. Thank you. X

    • positivagirl says:

      You are welcome Jo, do you notice that despite HE is the one who is cheating, and is still with that person, he has the nerve to contact you and accuse you?

      It is, to the point of insanity really. It is the one thing that they do, that makes no logical sense. You then spend your time defending yourself. Really he is playing with you, toying with you. He doesn’t want you to heal and recover, move on and meet someone new. He needs to keep his source of supply, just in case he wants to return.

      Someone who wants to be with you. WILL be with you, he wouldn’t be with someone else. He made the choice to cheat, and is still with that person, next time he makes contact, and asks that question (if you don’t have him on block) tell him it is none of his business what you are doing, just as it is none of yours what he is doing. Stop being a bunny boiler stalker and get on with his life. Sociopaths respond ok to direct language. As it is the truth. What you are doing is none of his business, and likely he gets some form of supply by continuing to contact you, and getting a rise from your emotions, as he has little emotions of his own.

  10. mintohutch says:

    Well I thought I was going crazy until I read this page and everything that I was accused of is what my she was doing and had been caught at.After my ex was caught by 10 year old daughter cheating she then threatened my daughter calling her a liar and was going to hit her.This is while I was recovering from having my colon removed due to cancer.This is where they turn things around because she had called my daughter a liar and threatened to slap her.I told her ” I would throw her out the door if she touched my daughter”.My daughter did not make that up and was sick to her stomach she told me and the last thing she needed was to feel that she had done something wrong.I did what any parent would do and protect their child and because I made that comment then I am the one with anger issues and not her threatening my child.There is so much and I am sure each of us could write a book on these individuals.For anyone who is making bad comments about this page I will tell you I found it at the right time and it helped me deal with my situation.I felt I was going out of my mind up until I read some of the things that were on here.Thanks.

  11. Have you ever seen two of them in a circle of friends, and how they interact with each other? It’s fascinating. It’s like two grifters in a banquet hall full of pigeons. I had them each separately telling me what was wrong with the other one. I don’t speak to either of them anymore, they both made me so flipping angry. And I was related to one of them! I could go on for days about the other one, but it just makes my blood pressure go up. :( Life’s too short, and potentially even shorter if you’re stuck with one of these people in your life.

  12. Keitha says:

    What about a person who does these things but also bends over backwards to help people, is charming, loved by everyone but only targets two or three people to treat badly.

  13. khan says:

    Been in a relation with one for 3 years & recently she broke up by accusing of sleeping with her best friend while i was at work. and then she’s back friends with her. I got the whole game plan before she even knew. Having a strict rule of not touching her phone or slightly even asking who it is on phone can start her blame games. So badly hurt with no closure at all, is worse!

  14. Me says:

    If you have children with them no it will drag on forever or until the kids are adults. If you have no ties to them then I suggest running as fast as you can. NEVER allow them in your life. They will befriend Your friends out of spite and misery. Let them…. Find new friends and never allow them to know who they are. Again. You need to distance yourself in every possible way.

    • mintohutch says:

      Exactly.I believe my daughter is on to her and is already rebelling against her.I have always taught my daughter about being honest and telling the truth and the court knows what my ex is like now as my daughter has told the Children’s lawyer the truth.

  15. Dykab says:

    Why is this directed only at males? Equality. Women can be as equally destructive – mentally, as Men.

  16. Qureshi says:

    Actually married to one. All that is described sounds like the story of my life. I caught him cheating right after just 3 days into our marriage & then again in the next one month & kept going on. Now he accuses me of cheating on him, lying to him & one way or the other feels the need to draw attention towards him. Have been separated twice but everytime I’m gone to my parents he just comes begging to give our marriage a chance. Due to our cultural norms & peer pressure have been taking leaps of faith to continue forward with this pointless relation. Don’t know how many more chances are to be given & wasted?!

    • positivagirl says:

      You need to know qureshi he will not change. The question you need to ask is how does his behaviour make you feel about you? If it is bad it is bad… If it is ok it is ok…. If it is good it is good. How do you feel about you when with him?. How does his behaviour affect you?

  17. Moonlady says:

    This article is really true!!

  18. susan says:

    OMG. Five years of torture finally over. most everything in this article is true. What an experience

  19. Renee says:

    This is identical to the relationship with my mother. Your parent is supposed to be your everything. The person you run to no matter your age. How the hell do you cut ties with your own mother? …I tell you that I’m so stressed by her bullying…I’m debating severing all ties.

    • positivagirl says:

      It is incredibly tough when it is your mother Renee. You are right your mother is meant to be the one place where you feel safe. Maybe take some time out to focus on you?

  20. cinamon says:

    the trouble is YOU may decide to stop playing the game but that dont mean the sociopath will-they then start stalking you, i have been stalked by one for two years now who is a neighbour, i have been filming his constant attempts at contacting me and terrorize me and i am finally at breaking point and have now informed the police and housing about what this person has been doing to me. you have to hit them where it hurts and there are only 2 things these people fear that is loosing control and exposure.

    • positivagirl says:

      I agree. I tried to stop playing the game and life became he’ll. He stalked harassed turned my world upside down sociopaths can play the game on their own. If you don’t have a good legal system and support of police In your area it can be he’ll.

      • matthooper says:

        same here positive, and can’t even claim 2 years arrears child support due to my son as don’t think case would even be heard in court.

  21. joseyghosty says:

    This is so true. It took all of my childhood and up until just now (I am 26) to realize this. I finally had to cut all ties with my dad and his wife and her family. It was too much for me to keep playing the games, even after I was able to escape him. I feel free and I feel like my dad is finally getting to reap what he sowed. This was the only way I knew to show him that he has no right to have control over me and what he did was wrong and you can’t live without repercussions.

  22. vick says:

    I left a very terrible relationship a little over a year ago now and I was just wondering if anyone experienced any of these problems:

    -I took over full responsibility of the finances of our apartment after my ex decided he no longer was going to work or contribute. (Thousands of dollars later I’m still not financially recovered).

    -My ex was very charming, persuasive. Everyone who met him, including my family, was in love with him. He has proceeded to trash my name and reputation to certain groups of people. This is to the point where someone I work with asked me specific details about our relationship because my ex’s MOTHER had been talking about it.

    -Was anyone verbally abused, called names and cussed out, etc?

    – I dealt with my ex slashing his wrist open and having to call 911 and send him to the hospital. Also drug and drinking problems… I would find bottles of whiskey stashed in my couch cushions.

    -Did you ever lose your temper and patience and do something very out of your own character? This is most difficult for me, because I felt he pushed me to the edge of my own sanity and “won” when I snapped and lost my temper.

    I have related very well to the feeling of hopelessness and having everything turned around on you. I was wondering if these things occurred in other peoples experiences and most importantly how you deal with them after. It’s been a year and although I am in a much more positive place I struggle with these.

    • matthooper says:

      Same ongoing thing happening here, Vick.
      It’s awful and there’s nothing I can do about it because we have a son together and the threats are not nice. so feeling pretty hopeless and screwed.

  23. Me says:

    Vick, I think we have all experienced what you described. Just stay clear and move on. If you share the same friends get knew ones!
    For me the hardest part is trusting new people in my life especially woman. I hate to say it but I’m rather a paranoid person because of all this. I love my dog a lot though. He’s my best friend!!

  24. Hello Pos, stopped by to say hello. Well after 2 glorious years of going solo I screwed up again 44 months ago and today we broke up, I kicked him out, they never drugging change. But I’m fine thanks God.I feel so much differently than the first time this happened.just wanted too let you know your always right. Love & peace

    • Pos I meant 4 months ago and they never friggin change

      • positivagirl says:

        Nope they don’t ha I know that well. They start off good soon the bad creeps in until it’s full on… It’s exhausting.

      • pigletta2001 says:

        Hi Post & Boopsie, I am guilty of the same things, Had 2mth break then we felt lonely & he seemed to change but only for a few days then worse temper than before. Then he calmed down again. But he tried to isolate me from my friends & brainwash me with negative gossip about his enemies, my friends, World Govt, end times & bible doctrine, taking bible out of context. He was affectionate more at first & less towards end & was giving me hints it would be over eg. We’re at a crossroads now or we’re in an interim period now. He ended the rship after a woman at church flirted with him, he was very careful no phone calls or sms from her that I knew of,. He didn’t want me to tell a man that I knew about her, as he probably wanted her as 2nd girlfriend, lover on side. His mask slipped off & then he left. They never change, only a few days if at all. I moving on, independent of him again. I never met his parents this time around. We were only together again a bare 2months. That’s his cycle with me.2 month use by date lol. Anger possessiveness, pride jealousy are his main emotions. Church paster gave me some healing & another person who sees in spirit who knows him, said he has pride passiveness, anger inside & God has to heal him. I guess from seeing that the ex’s narcs, spaths are so similar, that they all have these negative emotions & all are energy vampires. His constant negativity drained my energy, I had allergies, sinus, blocked nose when he was here & also when we were texting, before he came back. His negative energy gets inside my head, mind, energy field sometimes, I notice now, since he left. I msg;’d a closure msg on mobile & left it at that. Going no more contact again. Spiritual healing, cutting the cord does truly help & seeing friends again, driving, learning new things, going away for while, writing journal or letters, socialising to take mind off & heal heart, counselling, truly helps. Blessings, love to u all. Dragonfly xxxx

    • positivagirl says:

      Hey boopsie I just wrote this in a post. No it is never the same when you split second or more time as much of the processing is done. They never change do they? Despite their claims that they are just about to make a full recovery!! ….

  25. just me says:

    It’s amazing how spot on this article was. My sociopath is very sweet and enduring until his outbursts. He says everything a woman would want to hear. He is very loyal and brags about me to everyone. He literally makes me feel like the only woman on earth. I thought he was just madly in love with me but after reading up on sociopaths he is it to a T. The grooming then weeding out my friends because they are “inappropriate”. Then once it was just him and I he would complain i wasn’t looking at him enough, sitting close enough or touching him! I finally ditched him and he won’t leave me alone. Letters in my mailbox after I blocked his calls and online Craig’slist posts begging me to come back to him because I’m his soul mate ect. I responded with anger hurtful words and felt so guilty. After apologizing I realized he had WON! He got a response. …. that’s all he needed. I will no follow the no contact rules! !!! I and we can all find healthy love! No matter how long it takes it will be better than being under their control!

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