The sociopath will always accuse YOU of what they are guilty of themself

Did you feel like you were going crazy? You were losing your mind? This is all part of the sociopath’s crazy making behaviour.


The sociopath will always accuse you of doing the very thing that they are guilty of themselves. They do this to deflect the attention from them.

Examples of this are

  • Accusing you of cheating
  • Accusing you of being dishonest or lying
  • Accusing you of talking about them
  • Accusing you of doing whatever it is that they are guilty of themselves

The sociopath has a bizarre ability to be able to make YOU feel guilty and feel like you have defend yourself… for things that he has done.

You see the sociopath, is actually fairly intelligent. He knows that whilst you are busy defending yourself, and proving your innocence, you will be confused, and will forget about the real issue, the truth that you are close to uncovering about the sociopath.

Bullshit Bingo

It’s all a game to the sociopath. Life is a game. With little inside themselves they spend most of their life playing stupid mind games.

Accusing you of things that they have done themselves, is something that they will do over and over again. The result for you, the victim is

  • Feeling confused
  • Feeling violated
  • Feeling misunderstood
  • Feeling unheard
  • Feeling guilty
  • Likely he will also say ‘everyone thinks, or says….’ – so you feel isolated too

Afterwards, after wasted hours, protesting your innocence, you think

How did that happen?

The truth is right there, you are relieved that the constant questions and accusations have stopped. There is peace again.

Once again, the sociopath has managed to manipulate the situation, and deflect blame back onto you. You have spent another few hours of your time, stressed, anxious and defending your corner.

You feel that yet again there was yet another problem that didn’t need to be there. Some other issue, that didn’t need to be there.

But for the sociopath, it isn’t like that. He is playing a game. Playing a game with your mind and your heart. There are two things that are important to the sociopath

  • Winning
  • Control

If you were to catch him out in a lie, he would neither win, or be in control. So he will do anything that he can do, to win the game, and control the game.

That is all that it is.

The sociopath probably doesn’t even realise the effect that this has on you. After all, he never thinks about your needs, and this is in terms of both good and bad things. He, like always is thinking about himself, not about you, your welfare or your needs.

It is all just a game. A stupid, mindless game. That could continue for the rest of your life if you let it.

Isn’t it time to move forward? To stop playing the stupid game with the sociopath, who could play forever. If you let him. The sociopath doesn’t feel too much,  but he does feel satisfaction from

  • Winning
  • Being in control

Maybe right now it is time to stop playing the game. To finish the game. Stop playing. It is now time to focus on you. On your needs and your welfare. After all when you were with the sociopath, so much of your time and energy was wasted, defending yourself, and playing pointless mind games, nobody was taking care of your needs.

Endless stress and endless drama. that is the relationship with the sociopath. There comes a time, when the only thing to do, is to put in place no contact rules, stick to them, and focus on you, and loving yourself and creating your own beautiful world. A world where there isn’t someone constantly trying to pull you apart.

You deserve so much better :)

Copyright 2013

136 thoughts on “The sociopath will always accuse YOU of what they are guilty of themself”

    1. my bf and i used to see each other online and one tie he accuse e that i have someone in my bedroom , and i fight to him that is not true coz why do stupid things like that ? is that a sign of sociopath ?

      1. Yes, sociopaths accuse you of being with someone else all of the time.

        They test you this way. Constantly they are testing you, to see your responses. It can drive you crazy. It won’t stop either, the accusations continue and repeat.

  1. I’m starting to think my best friends were sociopaths. They were loving and caring until I got draining to them and then they cut me off without a word, claiming that it was MY fault that they lied to me, MY fault because I’m too emotional, my fault, my fault, etc. I know I’ve been hard to deal with, with a breakup with someone perceived as a narcissist and my own child’s struggles, but to turn around and blame their own behaviours on me and then act morally superior to me makes me wonder if it really is me, or if perhaps these two just feed off of each other in this need to be loved by the masses.

    1. That’s usually the behavior of a minion. My wife and I went through a similar situation with her sister. Turns out the sister had been lying about us to all of our mutual friends. Whenever we crossed paths, they looked at us like we were the wicketest couple on the planet. The truth was the listened to the psychopath and didn’t bother to check the lies out with us. You’re better off without them. Find real friends. Usually those who have been through it can related to your situation.

      1. Great advice henley. As it is impossible to explain to those who have not experienced it. They are such great liars. If you object you look like the crazy one. they exploit peoples weaknesses especially their emotions.

      1. The sociopath? Only one now, I don’t think you need to worry if there is only one! (Yes that was sarcasm, it doesn’t work very well online I know). A sociopath (for that is the correct wording) will accuse you of what they are guilty if it benefits them but you can’t do it to an entire social group (I realise you normally talk about an individual relationship but there is normally more than one person in a socio’s life, possible suggestion for future post how sociopaths “destroy everything” in larger groups (strictly speaking not dating but other aspects of life influence dating so you might be able to work something out)). Have you considered most (high functioning anyway) sociopaths are actually less likely to do this than your average guttersnipe because they know what you (and everyone else) expects?

      2. Ah, but you see, it depends on what perspective you are looking at it.

        To me, he was THE sociopath. As he was THE sociopath in my life (well one of them). Not just a sociopath, that could be anyone. (this is more in terms of who I am thinking about). :)

        I post and run. I can write 1200 words in less than 20 mins. I don’t edit either (as you can tell). Considering that, it isn’t too bad. This blog (after just a few months has daily hits of between 2,500 – 3500 a day- it must make sense to those 1500-2000 people who visit here daily). Considering I started writing in Feb 2013 – and my brain didn’t come back (cognitive processing of the brain) until March 2013…. that isn’t too bad. (I had severe chronic PTSD for more than 3 years) – so, my brain coming back and being able to use it again, is quite a joy – I get carried away sometimes huh? :) I have literally lost 3 years of my life. The fact that I am doing this today, is really a miracle, that I never thought would or could happen. You might put down what words I use, but for me, well, I was unable to process any new information at all, for 3 years of my life. So, if you just pick up a couple of words, that is cool huh? :)

        With regard to high functioning sociopaths, yes absolutely they do the same thing. Have you not watched certain politicians in power? I have witnessed the same thing, and people in the work place too. Perhaps, the subject matter is different, but the pattern of behaviour is exactly the same.

        All sociopaths repeat the same pattern of behaviour. High and low functioning ones. The difference is that high functioning ones have the capability to cause damage to a much wider population. They still do the same thing. What about Bernie Maddof? He was the typical charismatic sociopath, high functioning. From footage that I have watched of him, identical behaviour. High functioning and low functioning, is really about background, and personal expectations. Like everyone else. If you came from a good background you have different opportunities. Low functioning sociopaths often see their partner as their career option. High functioning ones can cause just as much carnage in the workplace. A good book that I read was snakes in suits by Robert Hare. Interesting. I read a book called Black widow, about a man who was a high functioning one, he committed love fraud, then killed his victims, after setting up insurance money…. I read it…. and honestly, apart from my ex didn’t kill me, the pattern was identical.

      3. Yes, it does happen all the time. I have a grown daughter who I’m sure is a sociopath. Her pattern of behavior was very predictable. She would spread lies about my husband and I and also blame us for the very thing she was. One day she was yelling and screaming at me and said I was a liar and a thief. I thought to myself, “What?? You are the shoplifter, the thief who steals from family AND friends, and the liar”. I finally called the police and they arrested her because she had a warrant out for her arrest. Why was that? Because she never does what the judge tells her to or pays her fines. She thinks she is exempt from what normal people do. Take care of their responsibilities. She has filed bankruptsy and had a car repossessed. We finally were able to have her move out of our home 5 1/2 months ago and she will never live here again. She is 31 years old. She had chance after chance to no avail. It is a very serious and complex problem that some people think that “letting them talk it out and giving them looooove” will solve everything. That is insult upon insult!!!!! What do people think we were doing year after year after year?

      1. No I’m English don’t worry (sarcasm or not) but the fact that I only make fun of one thing in this is fairly good (most blogs about the subject seem poorly written to me), just because someone appears to be a sociopath that doesn’t make them one. High functioning is about appearing not to be a sociopath but normal (it comes from the autistic community about those that aren’t noticeably autistic) but I agree it is based on your background. Also “can cause” is correct, not causing carnage can be beneficial, anything commonly associated to a socio they will ignore if it benefits them, i.e. being highly loyal (something surprisingly common) to produce allies.

      2. Nikki….I understand and follow what you are saying just fine…you’re doing a great job and providing a great source of support for a lot of people…I could care less if you typed in a red neck format…it’s the meaning and content of the message that is important…those of us who have been through this crap with sociopaths understand all too well…thank you for what you are doing…

  2. it is always… let me tell you.. ah f we only knew…if only ..but ” if only ” is a little too late..

      1. Yes if only if only..ah if only we knew that ..ah freedom now feels good
        but there are days like today that I could have a minor set back and look at her comms about her so fast found new better than me found love and first dat made love crap..lies or true..a sociopath borderline …I did not enter to look!! =D but oh I need a push not to..I found this fitting..
        “Frail Destiny
        You broke a thousand hearts
        on your way to mine
        you tore through a thousand lonely souls
        and shattered a thousand dreams
        before a twist of fate
        brought you to my door

        Now you’ve moved on
        following the scent of loneliness
        down a trail of desperation
        to another victim
        one who smiles unaware
        just like I did in the months before

        But time will be kind to me
        as it is to most gentle souls
        though we break like twigs
        in the howling winds of today
        the rains of tomorrow make us strong
        and let us grow into a forest that can never be broken

        You will remain hollow, empty and weak
        even as I grow stronger
        and some day love will find you
        following the scent of your loneliness
        and it will break you with ease
        a rotten tree falling to a draft

        So even as I cry for you
        and nurse my broken heart
        I offer no words of anger
        nor carry any ill desires
        For your fate is your own
        and destiny spites you enough
        while I’ll miss you on lonely nights
        I can not hate what I pity so much
        nor condem that which has condemned itself ”

        but you are a healer my dear ..=)

      2. I fully believe that a class on personality disorders should be a requirement for graduation from high school. Having knowledge like that would save a lot of people a lot of hardships and heartaches if they only knew what to watch out for ahead of time…

  3. It’s hard for me to see him as this kind of person,although he sounds like he is this kind of person. He always leaves me, punishes me,and ends up coming back. He leaves me often, but comes back. I’ve recently found out that he’s being seeing me and his ex,off and on,for the past ten years.

    1. You are not stupid. Not at all. (re your name). He keeps coming back because he can. If he has been seeing his ex on and off for 10 years he has been cheating on you!. This isnt good for you either, someone who keeps abandoning you. How that will make you feel about you!! Do you have the strength and courage to leave him? Do you have friends/family in your life or has he isolated you from those people?

  4. My ex-husband has always played this game and will continue until our children are no longer an issue. Yes, it’s always about winning and control. Too bad, I don’t care about the game he plays, I do what is in the best interest of the children, by following the court order, which he is unable to do. His game continues……..

    1. Good for you!!! It’s tiring playing the game all the time. ALl you can do is follow what is in the law. And play your side of what you can do in best interests of the children. As long as you do that you cannot go wrong. I feel for you though, it must feel as if there is no real escape having children with him! :(

    1. You sound strong.Which is the best way to be. Never show emotion, see it as a business transaction. When you show no emotion there is nothing to manipulate. Sociopaths exploit weaknesses as you know.

  5. After following your posts for a while, I’m worried that I’ve come across a sociopath…is there no hope for them? Should we just remove them from our lives completely? Is there any chance that they will change?

    1. If the person is a sociopath. No there is no hope.There is no change. the best you can hope for is to accept them for the way that they are. To do this, you need to accept that they will cause carnage. Even if they knew they were a sociopath and tried to manage that behaviour.

      I know this, as I stayed friends with my ex for a year after we split. He DID try, but continued to lie, repeat the same pattern of behaviour. I was someone that he did care about – but he couldn’t stop his behaviour.

      There is something in their brain which works differently. In the way that they see life. They do not have a conscience, so are capable of doing anything which makes them a liability you never know what is coming next.

      If they hurt you (which they don’t always do deliberately) they can’t really care about that, as they only care about themselves.

      They are often con artists and scammers – (not all) but a lot are. Will drain you of everything that you hold close to you (family, friends, money, home, possessions) they isolate you from people so you are left without support. Gaslight you, so that you feel bad about yourself.

      Are charismatic, but domineering, and controlling. You will feel like you ‘cant breath’ and cannot have a life of your own. They stalk you, hack your privacy, want to possess and own you. will manipulate you, and even steal what they want from you. They will ruin, have smear campaigns tell lies about you. Whilst smiling to your face….

      If you have someone like this in your life. Yes – it is usually wise to establish no contact – for your own sanity!!

      1. True, I have been meeting this prince charming who is quite inconsistent. He actually leaves me confused many times.The last blow was when he got unwell and texted me that a married woman is taking care of him on a night when he was unwell. Went ahead to say he has fathered a child with her given her husband lives away. I woke up and realized something was wrong,-(there had gained control over my emotions). I spoke to friend who referred me to the the term ‘sociopath’. He fits perfectly.

      2. Aw I am sorry…..

        How they love to tell you the ‘truth’ just to hurt you. They really are messed up.

        How long were you with him for?

        Let him have his married woman. You can do so much better! They do that, its akin to ’emotional rape’ where they hijack your emotions and use them to exploit you. the more you learn, the easier it becomes to see it is not you – it is their disordered mind.

      3. Have known him for 7months, but only started having coffee with him two weeks ago- no intimacy yet. At times he gives me a date then cancels at last minute, then he later chats me up on text all evening as I cook & have dinner, then while just about to rest for the day, he sends a text asking how am taking care of my sexual needs, and i respond–‘its all in the mind, I will suppress’. He says, just get a convenient arrangement– mine is on the way to my house as we speak. OMG! It throws me off-balance. Next morning its a natural conversation as if nothing transpired.

  6. Exactly how it feels, Paula. Exactly. The awful part is that there is a child stuck in the middle; her own private, human shield. I don’t know that I’ll ever truly be able to just stop playing.

  7. OMG…I wish I would have read your article 6 years ago. I would have saved myself a lot of pain. Here’s my lengthy story. It’s lengthy because it just peeked it’s dangerous head this week!

    This very week, I found out that my boyfriend of six years got married in Michigan last year and just renewed their vows in March of this year. The problem is that he was with both of us the entire time without either of us knowing. He moved to Atlanta with me 3 years ago and we bought a house together. His wife believes he lives in Tennessee for a job.

    I found credit cards neither of us knew about with charges in both states. That’s what made me investigate further. He had three cell phones (one that he uses for his wife in Michigan), and two here (one for everyone in his family, friends, work and me, etc. I assume the phone he just got is for anew ATL mistress. How do I know, because he has taken two “boys” trips camping and fishing for the weekend with let’s just say Bill and Jake. I called Bill today and he says “I don’t fish…that’s not me”. Jake says, no I have not talked to him but we are supposed to go golfing tomorrow. Now mind you, on the phone, he told me that they were loading up again with both Jake and Bill to fish off a boat all day and they camped out all night last night. Uh-hmm!

    He had two other on-going relationships with two women during our time together (one for 2 months and 1 for 8 months). I did not fret so much over the 8 month one because she lived far away and the girl admitted to never meeting his family, friends, or spend any quality time with him (maybe 4 times in 8 months tops). Also, during that time I cheated on him with two guys. The reason why is because he pressured me so fast to move in (within 3 weeks), get married (within 6 months), have a baby, etc. But, I found out he was saying the exact same thing to the other women who thought they were exclusive. Throughout all of this, I remained the constant. He asked me to marry him and bought rings several times but I just could not get to the point of doing it because of my instinct. He moved to ATL with me from Michigan leaving his two daughters (who he loves dearly). Since moving here, he goes back to Michigan every 3-4 months. We have taken trips together, he buys me gifts, help raise my kids, but got married at the justice of the peace March 2012 with a reception March 2013 without any indication of this. He made it seem as if he was seeing his girls during those occasional trips. He took no other trips for work or otherwise. He always left on Thursday afternoon and cam home on the first plane Monday morning He lies about EVERYTHING big or small for absolutely no reason. I could say where did you just go? He would say working out but he actually went shopping.

    It’s only God that I have been communicating lately with a good friend from college and she knows the “other married woman”. They are in a sorority with each other. She helped me put two and two together and now the wife is getting the info. However, she accuses me of stalking and said don’t contact her again when I was only emailing her to give details so she would understand what she is up against. She told his sister a couple of months ago that she was upset that out of all the time they have been together (10 years), that she had never met his family AT ALL until this year (after the wedding). On the other hand, I know his family very well. They (mom, sis, aunt) came to visit us in ATL last summer. We exchange gifts, and I’m at all of the functions. Well that was until last year.The whole family knows about this sensitive issue and he keeps it going.

    I found out on Tuesday about this cheating and the married only this evening. His ASS was gone on Tuesday. I packed his bags any kind of way and threw his bags out of the door, broke his laptop, pulled all of the buttons from his shirts as I took them off the hangers, and other malicious type of behavior;-) He took me for $20,000 over these past 6 years!!! I was very smart once I found out everything. I have copies of these credit cards that he was maintaining at his parents house (he is 40 yrs old), his phone records, a recording I did with him asking very specific questions about the “fling” he said he had with this woman on Tuesday (who was actually the wife), etc. I presented it to his wife. I only hope she sees him like he is before too much more time passes. I feel sorry for all involved. He was so selfish to have his daughters (ages 13 and 17) lie to both women, parents (ministers) feel caught in the middle, string my 12 year old along for the ride as his fill-in dad (he lost his dad in 2008), and ruin all of these women’s lives. in the past years I am aware of. His sister confided in me tonight that he did the same thing to his first wife of ten years…but he also hit her. He has never done any of that to me. I think I was his go to and the others were his sides because I have been the most involved in his life. The nerve of him asking me to marry him the week of Jan 1st this year!!! It’s scary to know that there are men out there like that. Just as your article says…he’s a charmer and sex was great. Hard to leave but I care about my self far too much! Thanks for your article! P.S….now the legal battle begins since he is technically married but bought a house with me prior to!

    1. Oh gosh Michele, your head must be reeling. it is incredible the double life that they lead. Like two different people. And how they have absolutely no conscience and fear, and think that they can get away with it.Unbelievable.You sound quite strong, if this has just came out. Most victims feel that their head is in a cloud of confusion, fog, when the truth comes out. You might have guessed that he was a liar, but having no idea of the truth of the deception. Just one thing is enough but the amount that they do, is actually quite stunning. How are you feeling today? What a mess that they cause.

      How is he being with you right now? They rarely like to lose source of supply. if he was with you for 6 years, he will see you as his possession. Even though he was married to someone else. Worse, is that they tell lies to get out of the lies that they created in the first place. Just creating a mass web of deception. It is also strange that he was with her for 10 years yet she never met his family? Do you think that is true?As that is 4 years before he met you? Are you learning that he is a sociopath and not just a compulsive liar, now for the first time? Or did you suspect before?

    2. Also, during that time I cheated on him with two guys. The reason why is because he pressured me so fast to move in (within 3 weeks), get married (within 6 months), have a baby, etc.

      =Birds of a feather?

      Maybe I understand this thing wrong, but do two wrongs ever make one right? I will confess I didn’t read much further into your post..

  8. Don’t you just wish you knew this at the time!!!??? I have written a book of my own story only to read over it myself and recognise this happened to me right from the start, the whole way through, until I did in fact take on some of his traits. Insecurity, paranoia, anger, resentment, jealousy. It’s a head warp.If I had realised at the time that every single accusation was about himself, then I would have been so clued up. Grrrr

    1. Yes absolutely Simone. I am determined to get this work out there. To get it into a book and to shout it from the rooftops…. if only I knew it has caused destruction and carnage in my life. Turned my world upside down.

    1. Yes I can see that, the pain in the writing, sad that is what happens after abuse, and that someone could deliberately do that to another and not have the need or desire to take away the other persons pain :(

      1. yep.. English is not my first Language so I want to apologise for mistakes and bad sentences ..
        Well the fact is sad this whole thing is sad..
        They are oblivious to how we might fact they like to argue with you
        they feel worse they need to be poor things..but dont call them victims! oh no they hate it! In fact ..we must understand their pain and don’t call them dramatic..oh that makes them mad! Yet she used to call me everything..if I did something she did not like I did not love her.
        I just want and need to have her out of my mind
        I hate myself that I can’t like a morbid curiosity ….or really is all this wonderings.. what is she still saying? Sure she is posting in a social place with no one to read as if she talks to this amazing man that was able to enter her heart so fast
        do we need to tell how much they love us to no one to read if we are that much in love? Do we need to brag happiness and all that..if we are ..we can tell family and friends but not post in a place with no friends just for the ex to read
        sounds pathetic no? Or a I the pathetic ? I have not look cuz it hurts.. ..ah when is this going to end?? Do they ache.. no i know..

      2. Don’t look at her social networking sites!! YOu will only torture yourself.

        No contact means just that. Not even looking at her social networking sites. ESPECIALLY not looking at her social networking sites!!!

  9. I have not !!! since i found your site!! =) I am saying that I have this morbid curiosity!! But I have not! over a week ago or has been 2 weeks ..the day I found your was the last time.. and yes her words were there for me to read..she has no “friends” there to read..not even her new lover heheeh. but she writes as if she is speaking to “him” its odd! but I never went there again..she just have that you not even a place to make chat or to share talks for videos! she is really nutty! …but the idea that well dump her 4 months ago for 3 months she try in many forms..even talking of not eating anymore.. then 2 weeks before I found your fantastic site! she started to post things about amazing job..apt for herself.. and then her date and fell in love in 2 days…and I found your site and never ,look.. all I say is.. why I obsess over a cruel loser!!??? I don’t get it! Its like I became her gosh I am friend with my exes and they are nice… ..she I fell she got me like wow so high dreaming and ..yes a sex maniac..but then the control the manipulation and abuse…and feeling sorry for her how she loved me for life..
    I got hooked..I still fill not love nor desire..but I don’t even know!!! what I feel..just curiosity.but since I saw your site your words I never look..and if I itch to look..I come here and read again =D
    Thank you!!!!!!!!!!!!=)

    1. It is about how the person makes you feel about you. If she knew you were looking at her site, then she could have been deliberately posting all those ‘look at me’ posts making stuff up (they are liars remember) my ex did it all the time. Pretending his own life was great. In reality it was nothing like he said (remember they are master at illusion) faking it!! Remember????

      1. Yes I think you are very right.. just as they made us think we found real and amazing is just as easy to make us think they found even better! after all I can’t recall if you dump your loser ..but got rid of her..even if we move like you said ..they can’t stand to lose their supply ..
        So well or loser as she is she found one went to bed and is already “love”
        or is all a fake lie..after all in 2 weeks she went from “I will be yours for the rest of my life..and even if you don’t want me I will be there with you every day every holiday ” to angry person saying I called her a liar and that I was then a liar those who call other a liar are the liars! and she closed the book and please stay way from me give me peace of mind..
        then she post the new job new love..all this in 2 weeks.. after 3 months not eating ( if she indeed stop eating .
        yes is all pathetic
        the more I read from you and the more I I am waking like I have been on a daze..
        I never try drugs..I am not a party person..I never had alcohol nor smoked…Im into body fitness and nature.. yet I lost myself over this trashy borderline sociopath young woman..
        …I will get over..I will..=) your site is the best thing.. I am not tired to say it!

      2. Try not to think of it that you are being seen as a loser. It is just the way that they are. It really is no reflection on you.

        It IS like a drug, they create an addiction so you become dependent on them. Without realising it. The truth brings you out of the fog of dependence. Will set you free.

  10. I just have so many “why?” “why?” how can somebody lie so well for 3 year how you are their love you are so loved..and you were not even loved! hurts! befoe she brag her new job and lover.. she posted that she would be mine forever I would live in her until she dies .. ..I then reacted and said this is not love this is obsession and she needed to help herself to see it was all illusions ..she got angry and said I called her a liar..then I did not react anymore and a week later came the new job a pause of 3 days and no reaction and new date and made love and pause and found love and thank god for your site..I stop to look….you are a angel for all of us ..that are grieving and confused.

  11. Yes today I already lost the itch to read anything else from her..I know she thinks I read..because she thinks I am like her..she has been a stalker ..//but yes I was weak and looked at it for those 2 weeks….but she might think I still look..or she might think that since I never gave a reaction to all this better life news of her she must be crushed that I did not react to her better lover =) so In fact I guess she will go away finally either with her new love supply or her fake supply =D She is very proud very her huge ego is aching ..cos they experience broken heart like us..and yes I am no loser! I know who I am..and I am proud of me and is not a cruel troll mental case that will take my self love!
    Yes you are like the antidote ( cos is hard to read all this and find you were never loved) to the snakes bites out there =D
    We are free flying…………….

    1. While they do not ‘love’ in the traditional sense, they can feel a sense of ownership, and possession. I know that doesn’t sound too attractive, but if you know that she likely loved you as much as she could…. doesn’t that make you feel better?

      1. well ..but for all I read we are just a ego supply.. sociopaths..narcissistic people and borderline ..they don’t love you….is obsession..obsession is not love! They are needy or sick.. so much so they find other and jump into bed very fast..I could not do that!
        For one now I want to find me..fall in love with me..something lacking in me made me be a target.
        But I already came with grips that was all a lie..was not love..and I am getting stronger
        I have no desire to start any relationship for sometime.
        But is all ok =)

      2. What were you looking for? And find that within yourself…. that is the key… Later when the pain has gone, if you recover and heal you will find that you are a much stronger person than you were before!!!

        Time out for yourself, to take care of yourself, is a good thing.

      3. ah I am shaking with nerves..of fear.. is odd no? do you feel this way .??has been a long time since I actually had her trying to contact me….I blocked her all over.. can you believe how she contacted me? she actually looks for videos i watched on youtube and left a comm about the song or the video..and I was dreaming to go to Finland and I wrote as a visualization dream..”here I go ” she wrote as we do here in the reply so I could get her message..
        “oh so you can travel now ..( cos I can’t I dont have the means..and a horse I don’t leave with anyone..Im nuts for this horse =D he is my best friend =D
        well I was going to reply and say No is visualization…then I held back….they need supply..she has been waiting that I engage with her..cos I never reacted about her new found love ..
        but I feel this fear that she watches the videos I watch on youtube.. kreepy! I feel nervous..she gives me the kreeps..stalking me :(

      4. Lol yes mine did that too!!!

        Yes it does seem a bit creepy, so for a laugh, I watched lots of really bizarre things. yes you ignoring her is driving her nuts. She now thinks you don’t care.

        Don’t reply.

  12. Exactly !! I guess I don’t really know.. we met when I was not looking for anything not even any one.. she was all eye on me and she was very attractive..and she found me that..( hard to think anything as real..I am not ugly far from not even the point..but yes I was bullied as a teen..I was not the party type and all I love to ride and be in nature more than with people. But well yes I was taken how this very attractive girl was so into me..and all the sudden she got more and more clingy… but it seems I lost myself..and my time became all hers….well does not matter anymore.
    You are right and like I said I now must find in me the love I seek =)

  13. He did? he watched videos you did and oh he reads your site here..but that I think I get it..makes him very mad I bet..I would feel scared to write open as you do..good thing she never would find me here.. I have many things she can’t find..but as I told you I am very involved in animals rehabilitation and fighting for animals rights and well I love my music videos with my squirrels that I made =) I could not erase cos of her..damn! I thought now she found this now love that is better than me..she would leave me alone!!!!!!!
    I guess she wanted me to react have a jealous attack so she would feel pride after I dump her..she hates rejection and no’s she is a spoiled brat..she hate No’s
    well but I feel creepy very creepy …I won’t reply if I do she will write more and try to make a conversation.. I think she also is trying to make me go to her channel to see her love comms heheeheh =)
    Its funny but scary.. I knew she was a stalker of me..but I was blinded by her fake “love” for me… now I see this with creepy feelings and I feel nervous.
    I hope she goes with her man and leave me alone!!

    1. Don’t feel nervous. Really what they do is more ridiculous than anything.

      Really think about it. She has been putting all her stuff on her wall thinking you would look at it. How old is she anyway she sounds very young? Young people who are immature can be like that anyway?

      1. she is 23 …I am a little older =) that is how I say ..they are already weirdos at such age??????? .. well lets say that well she took pics of me well you know..not doing things no hehehe but no clothes and I wrote a kiddo book I hope to publish and my fear is her trying to cause me trouble..that is why..she is mean…she always said you have not seem how mean I can be! Oh she can..if you only knew the things she has said to me and laughed at me..put me down ..then after was all the charming …the crying ..she was so sorry and the honey stupid moon faze…I dont miss a thing…that is why I hate that she is like a drug and I never was addicted to anything but my animals!! Gosh I am a country person she is a city fashion chick..go away!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

      2. Stay strong. Keep going. She is trying to get a reaction from you.

        Just keep going, take it one day at a time. You can do this!! And focus on your dreams.She will get the message one day.

      3. By the way I illustrated the book =) that is what I you know I need help with my English ..
        I have so much shame that I knew I was with a bad gal..that not all my friends know about her neither my family..since they live far in another country from me anyhow.
        I want this crazy chick gone..

  14. I am STRONG !!! Your words…ah this has helped me more than you know..since my shame..( we know when we are we a bad friends never liked her….my mom knew and said she is spoiled!..) they know ..we know,..but we are like dazed and confused and don;t know I never took drugs or did anything..I am just a horse rider who talks to wild life animals ehehheh I was dumb by a cute looking but mean loser city girl.. I am free like a bird!!!!!!!!!!!!!!=D we are all free now!!
    I am going to think positive that she will be gone.. go go be very happy and out of my life..
    funny is now that she try to contact me..I felt nasty and the past I felt good..odd ..but oh well =) I am healing I guess!! =D
    good night sweet person you =)

  15. I only have one issue with this helpful article. The use of the word “he” so often when describing the sociopath. I am a man who was married to a sociopath and I met another later. They were both females. It is not fair to use the word “he” so often as it nearly exonerates the female species of this terrible disorder.

    1. I know Guy, at some point I have to try to re-write. I didn’t expect this site to be so popular. It is also quite difficult to write gender neutral. But I do try in the more recent posts, but it means that I have to write a lot of he/she. Which isn’t as easy to read.

      1. It could be easier just to write some with all he and some with all she. Maybe stating this at the start.

  16. Oh, yes! You have him pegged. I receive text that say “you have issues and everyone knows it– they all tell me now.!” then I get recited the definition of a border line. In the meantime he tells our daughter she is crazy and nuts. She needs to be fixed. He then video tapes her as she is crying and ask him to stop. And his parents are there with him and does not say a word.
    Really?!! And I can not find a soul to help that can really help without trying to take every dime I have to support my kids and I. So far I have spent over $$$$$ trying to fight him with no end in sight. HELP!!

    1. Wow, and his parents condoned this behaviour? I am sorry to read what you and your daughter are being put through, have you tried legal remedies to fight him? Sociopaths love to play the game, sometimes the only way to stop the game is to put formal proceedings in place.

  17. My sister in law is definitely a sociopath. When I lived in the same house as her, she would constantly steal my stuff and copy everything I owned. She would even steal things as personal as my underwears, and wear then herself. Any clues why a sociopath would do this? She has an obsessive jealousy thing going on with me. It’s scary. She’s constantly always staring at me. ALWAYS. She tries to examine every detail about me. I’m always catching her staring at my boobs and butt. Very very uncomfortable. She thinks I can’t see her staring at me when I talk, or even do anything. But I see her in the corner of my eyes all the time. Back to the stealing part, when we were in high school, (she went to a different school now, everyone at the other schools she would go to before hated her and insisted she was crazy), she would make up all these crazy lies about me. She would say I’M the one that steals all her stuff, I’m a bitch, and make up all these horrible lies no normal person could even think of, or even have it in them to even say. Basically, everything she would say about me, was about HER. It’s scary. I also have a 9 month old daughter, and I’m always scared she’s going to harm her, even kill her. Just the other day, we found some mysterious thick, clear liquid in her sippy cup, when it was supposed to be water. <- This happened when we were staying at my fiancé's house just recently which is also when she lives. My fiancé had me living there while he worked, however, I was forced to move out because everything I owner went missing and there was always so much drama with her. Not to mention, she would stress me out purposely when I was pregnant, obviously to harm the baby. She also wanted to fight me when I was pregnant. She's all talk. I'm perfectly fine and capable of a good ass-beating now. But she would never say any of those lies she makes up about me to my face, nor ever lie her hands on me. I am praying for that day so I can just f*ck her crazy ass up. Also, she is so two faced and manipulative. She goes and makes up all these horrible things about me, and turns around and comes and tells me people are talking bad about me. And why? Only because she makes this make believe horrible person out of me, for other people to believe. She wants people to HATE me. It's like she lives just to control my life and destroy it. EVERYONE at her school tell me all she talks about is ME. And only me. Please help. I wish to get professional help, but don't want to spend money :(

    1. Hi the best thing to do is to remove yourself from her, and to stop playing the game with her. Don’t have contact with her. Focus on you, your family and your life. Have you talked to your fiance about this, and how this is making you feel? A professional therapist might be a great idea, as it can help you to work through how this is making you feel, helping you to move forward. Maybe she is jealous of you, and the connection that you have with your brother, that she doesn’t share. Maybe…. she actually wants to be just like you, and deep down admires you, feeling that you are everything that she is not. A therapist could help you work through those things. If she is jealous of you (sounds like she is) this is a compliment and says more about you, than her.

      1. Sometimes I just want to let everyone know the truth. Why should I have people think those horrible things about me, when its her. And the truth about her, is rather more shocking that anything else. I’ve read everywhere online that exposing them will only backfire. But the thing about her is, many people know shes physco. Many people know the way I am, and know the way she is. She is also ‘friends’ with my fiance’s ex (even though they both two facingly hate each other), she manipulates her/people into thinking I’M the crazy one. For the people who DON’T know me, they may believe it. But even my fiance’s ex has said she is crazy. Idk what to think of anything anymore cause she IS very manipulative, a master at lying and a master of getting people to believe things. And a master of being two faced, idk how anyone can be so good at any of these traits. Also everyone knows she lies alot/is a compulsive pathological liar.
        Yes, I’ve talked to my fiancé about this, but it only aggravates him because its just mentioned so much. And why? Because the same things keep happening over and over again. (Hearing things of what she says about me, the constant staring, lying, stealing, constantly being two faced, manipulative, deceiving). He knows that she is mentally ill though, after all i have went through. I’m sure her parents figure the same (she’s so rebelling), but just deny it and dont want to get her help. Also, not only does she steal my things, but when she finds out about things i use (brands of shampoo, face cream, etc.), she’ll go out and buy it also. Everything I have, she wants. When she steals, I can see that just the fact of me not having it, gives her pleasure. Not only would she steal my clothes for herself, but she would steal and give some of my shirts to other people to try to manipulate them into liking her. She does anything if it means liking her. She wants everyone to like HER, but hate ME. Did I mention that everytime I see her or think of her, I get this chill/butterfly feeling in the pit of my stomach? And I can swear; when I see her face staring at me, or just that thought of her face in general, I see evil in her eyes. I see that kreepy crazy look on her face. I see right through her. But on the other hand, when she talks to me, she acts as if she would do anything for me. A huge kiss up.
        Have you heard of the movie ‘the roommate?’ Well if so, others have compared the situation in that movie to us. It’s quite scary, I just wish everyone knew the truth. I would love to speak to a therapist, but do you have an idea of how much it would cost? I would hate to spend money on this. Even though its a rather big deal. It’s like she was able to take this money from me. Not to mention she has stolen more than $210 out of my wallet. And 300$ just recently out of her parent’s wallet. Then bothered someone in asking if their parent’s can lend her $160. Also, she is always asking her boyfriend to buy her stuff, shes such a gold digger! Her boyfriend is just the kind of guy who is a player and wants sex. It’s like she enjoys it. I get the sense of her being a sex addict. In the laundry room, I’ve seen many inappropriate thongs that look very disturbing just seeing them. In a way I feel she’s obsessed with sex. I’ve heard her plenty of times talking about how she wants a big butt and boob implants. What POSSIBLY for? (Sarcasm) (I mention this cause I know sociopaths are sex addicts. She has much of all the characteristics of a sociopath.) When I was living there, going through hell, it came to a point where I’d be having so much anxiety and stress I would start googling her symptoms, all that had matched the characteristics of a sociopath, everything starting easily clicking together.
        I hate how I have to deal with this. It just had to happen to me right… :(

  18. Also, it’s crazy cause when we catch her stealing, the next day/minute, to her it’s like it never happened. She’s not ashamed of what she did and doesnt show any signs of embarrassment. If I did that, I’d be SO embarrassed. I’d hide for life!

  19. Well….all sociopaths are different. I was just discussing “jealousy” in relationships with a co-worker and we were talking about whether it is a cultural or insecure to be jealous. We both gauge our feelings for someone if we get jealous of the thought of them with someone else (not psycho jealous). It dawned on me that my spath never displayed any jealousy although he claimed to be cheated on by his ex-fiancee (I highly doubt that). So here is this guy who has been cheated on and is Latino, yet was never jealous of me. That should have been another red flag among the many. Why I didn’t tune into the fact that he really could care less about me, IDK? Well, I guess I do know…I wanted him to care like I did, so I kept on my rose colored glasses until it all hit the fan.

    Note: I’m not trying to say that ALL Latino men are jealous but it does seem to be a dominant trait in my culture. Again, being a little jealous and psycho jealous are two different things and I am referring to being a little jealous.

  20. superb post!

    spot on!

    i’m a little confused about my sociopath ex fiancé.

    when i caught my ex fiancé cheating, and when i asked direct questions if he loved the other woman, he was very honest to admit it and honest enough to tell me he’s not in love with me.

    is that sociopathic behaviour?

    1. Just cheating alone is a not sociopathic behaviour. Sociopaths are pathological liars. Will tell you what they want you to hear. (if they want further supply from you). He might not be a sociopath. Sociopaths are deceptive all the time. They do to relieve the boredom and because they don’t feel too much. What they say they do is faked… by mirroring you…..

  21. Hi. I believe I am married to social path. Everything I have read here is what I am going through. This man is always five steps ahead of me. I’m guessing because I don’t think the way he does. I have never felt so confused in my entire life. I keep wondering who I am married to. One minute I have a good friend and the next minute they won’t return my calls. It wasn’t until my best friend called me and said hey your husband called me and said that you hit him, scream at him, call him names and that I am constantly accusing him of things. She said he was so calm and collected and believable that she almost believed him. But did not since she knows me so well.first of all My husband is 6’4 and 300 ibs. I am 5’5 and 105 ibs. He has even repeatly push me to the ground only to say its my fault I was standing in front of not agreeing with him. Another example He got a spending ticket, didn’t take care of, didn’t show up for court and then blamed me for not going to walmart to get the light turn off on the car to get smog test. I could go on and on. I keep thinking am I crazy or is this man crazy. I disagree with him about something and runs to the room and tells me to stop being so fragile. It’s almost numerous now. We have seen therapist after therapist only for him to convince them that I am in constant fear, paranoid since I was little and a control freak that doesn’t let him go anywhere. Then they are giving me all these books to read and asking for a physic test. He is so good that everyone thinks he is amazing except for my kids. But unfortunately I am still with him because we have kids together. What has changed now us that my oldest child sees his craziness like I do, yet we are the only ones. I have learned to not receive what he constantly says to me of accuses me of being. I now tell him I don’t receive what he is saying and to stop projecting on me. But I am exhausted. Not sure how much more I can take.. I am a stay at home mom.. So I don’t have income coming In and it’s hard to start there. My kids are tired and miserable too. Feeling stuck.

    1. Sorry have so many darn auto corrects. For one.. He ran to the room not I and called me fragile. Another is ” humorous” not ” numerous” I’m sure there are more mistakes.. Typos.

    2. Hi Busy mom thank you for sharing your story. it sounds as if you need to get out of this relationship for both your children, and your safety. You know that this will not get better don’t you? Do you have family/friends that can support you to leave? Do you know what your entitlement to benefits would be if you need to get out? Do you have a domestic violence support unit in your area. Contacting them would give you the support to leave. You do not have to stay with this because you have no income. There is a way out. It might be difficult, but it has to be better than living the life that you are living now.

  22. After being abused by a man I loved deeply, By the silent treatment and getting all his friends to gang up against me and abuse me without mercy for a serious of years, I have gotten so warn down and hopeless, I can hardly recognize my own self. They crushed my spirt and made me feel like I was wrong, when in fact I was the victim and the one being severely abused. It is like a circle of fire you can’t get out of, it provides much pain and confusion and self hate. It has been the most terrifying horrible years of my life, I just pray I can make it out of this abuse alive. My only crime was loving a man I just learned is a social path!

  23. This post 100% describes my ex. We split 4 years ago and to this day, when I stop to think about it (which I don’t very often because I spent enough energy there) I still cannot believe all of the sordid/twisted things he did (such as accuse me of the nasty things he did himself, invent stories about me to turn people against me and get them on his side, fly off the handle at any given moment …). Sick!! And sad really. The ironic thing is that after we split I heard from people in his close circle (family, neighbours) of the awful and very scary things he had done to others. They can’t hide it from most indeterminately. Karma is sweet in that way … :)

  24. I started reading this because I’m a guy who has a girl who accuses me of things all the time and I’m beginning to realize I may be the one bamboozled here. But, I’m not a nut myself and so I have to consider the source-we all do. Just because we read information up on a website don’t mean it’s true.

    On top of it all, to the person who wrote this piece, are you a Doctor? Psychologist, Psychiatrist, Medical Doctor, or at least a Therapist, or Counselor? If not, then, that already brings down the level of “trust” in this information way down to street level access. That’s what I call getting your “counseling” from the street. It could be good advice but, that don’t mean it’s the right one you should be listening too.

    I can write some really intense bullshit and make it sound official. I just so happen to be well rounded just because of the amount of reading I’ve done my entire life-add that to street smarts and book smarts-I myself could be dangerous. But I use my strengths in my business. I’m a “legal hustler.” lol

    Point is, this information should be taken with a grain of salt. As for my girlfriend with her trust issues, she has security issues and is afraid she’s going to lose me. Not because she’s a psycho.

    1. I wrote my prior comment quickly & posted it without double checking for errors/typos. So excuse them please. I meant well and the point should be clear even with those typos..

    2. Ummmm….. thanks for your comment mitch. I do have counselling qualifications (gained at University), also life coaching (not gained at university), and a psychology qualification too. I would say that the most experience is more than 2 decades working with statutory homeless. Working with drugs, alcohol, mental health, domestic violence, young people leaving care, child protection, joint agency working with other agencies. Working alongside crisis intervention teams. I worked with many people who were diagnosed sociopaths. You know what? Despite I was always fairly good analysing human behaviour, personal experience has taught me the most. Why? Because at uni – really most people do what they can to get through, and you only start ‘learning’ on the job. As people follow patterns of behaviour, you become skilled at understanding behaviour. However, in a work setting, I don’t think you could learn as much, as you are only shown what the person ‘chooses’ to show you. You are not with a client 24/7 neither are you emotionally affected. You do see similar patterns, but when you have been through it personally, more than once, this is where you cannot miss it. The patterns repeat over and over. I am confident in what I write, not because I am writing ‘intense bullshit’ but because my life history, both personal and decades of work experience, has made me confident in what I know. I don’t write from experience with one person, that would be silly, how could I write confidently – as that would just be my own personal experience. I wouldn’t know enough to feel confident that it was across the board. Before I started writing this blog, I spent a lot of time on victim support boards, and noticed the patterns again. I know that sociopaths have commented here – if it was wrong, they would say so….

      I hope that this clarifies. :) Welcome to the site.

  25. Hi , I would have thaught an know absolutley sociopathic behaviour manifests itself in both sexes ,why is the article written blaming a male for this trait ? is that not a little sociopathic ? harhar

    1. It’s impossible to write gender neutral sometimes Neil. The post female sociopath says quite clearly, that posts can be male or female.

      It is written by me – as a female, with my experiences of a male sociopath. Which is why the site is called ‘dating a sociopath’ its about me, dating a sociopath. I haven’t dated a female sociopath. Its a blog.

  26. Man oh man Does all of this sound WAY TOO FAMILIAR! I was adopted, raised in the most stable home, mother has a PHD, Mom n Daddy have been married 28 years, took me to Church every Sunday. Had the perfect upbringing. Then my biological family contacts me and it’s been a complete utter crap shoot; saying I’ve been to hell and back wouldn’t be even close to accurate. From the get go, my biological brother who I swear is a sociopath, along w the rest of my biological family, has made it out like I’m completely crazy. He told the entire family I Skyped him naked, never happened; told them all I want him to be my boyfriend, um, I don’t have those feeling for him. He’s my brother, strictly platonic. He will just sit in front of his video recorder and just make videos and talk to himself, about anything, and look completely out of it. He’s a druggie, a smoker, the entire deal. He threatens to turn the entire biological family against me, I tell him to go right ahead! Cause the entire biological family aren’t worth anything to me. They’re all exactly the same! He calls me half the time and denies it. Then he rants on Facebook about how I won’t return his calls! And why am I putting him through all of this?! – Why am I doing all of this to him! Just the difference of him having facial hair or not or him having his head shaved or not, he looks like a completely different person! He’s the most charming guy in the entire world. He CAN be a nice guy, he really can, but it’s only for a second or two before he’s telling me to leave him the H alone before he takes out a restraining order! He’ll apparently eat lemons with Tabasco sauce n a baloney sandwich with peanut butter and to him and the rest of the family, that’s “normal” and I’M the one whose crazy! As IF! I’ve tried dropping this dude from my life but he always comes back. Why?!?!

    1. Hi briana, have you talked to your adoptive family about this for support? It might be that your brother is jealous of you coming back into the family and you having a stable loving family elsewhere that he doesn’t have. Take care of you and with your brother remember you cannot fix anyone else. If you can get the support of your adoptive family to tell them what is happening this might help to ease the burden that you are carrying alone. If he is a sociopath he would have no conscience which means capable of anything. Sociopaths are jealous people anyway and can be destructive. In this case I would imagine more so.

  27. This article is what I found after searching for “accusing me of everything she’s guilty of”. Someone I’ve met a couple of months ago, well, we both have feelings for the same man – if you could call them “feelings” in her case. Around him she acts like America’s Sweetheart. We became friends, or so I thought, and she admitted a bunch of things to me. After she saw him simply hanging out with another woman the night we met, she was going on and on, venting about how “obsessive and crazy” that woman is and she better stay away from him. (The man is semi-famous, the woman is one of the most famous people in the world right now; I only point this out because years ago before finding a a long-term partner she wrote a song with this man’s name in the title and used a model in a couple of her music videos which questionably looks like him – I don’t think he does, for the record, and also for the record, we’re both getting to know him pretty well). Anyhow, she wouldn’t let go of what a dramatic trainwreck the woman is and how she’s going to mess up his life when all she was doing was standing there quietly and shy, chewing gum, smoking a cigarette, seemed pretty calm to me, and from what I can tell she seems friendly as well. But she continued to go on and on, and she had me for awhile…but I came across her twitter account, and found a lot of obsessive, dramatic, selfish, spiteful, jealous words, EXACTLY what she was accusing the famous woman whom she knows nearly nothing about of! And not only had I not realized until then that she was after his heart, but…she only wants him for herself, ruthlessly. I felt so manipulated by the conversation I had with her.She admitted to being manipulative and was going to send him a letter of the same nature. I had to cut her off, She later accused ME of yet OTHER things she’s admitted to be guilty of.

    Busted. I just hope HE senses what she’s really like when she tries to seduce him at a private show we’re both going to next month to see him play. Ugh. I really care about him, he’s been through enough rough things in his life and I don’t want him to get hurt. But musicians just have fans like this, and I’ve already warned him about one (who pales in comparison) and in hindsight it kind of felt like it was a childish thing to do. Should I warn someone when a sociopath has an eye on them, or does it make ME look like the crazy one, as stated in the article?

      1. Thank you. After watching the Thomas Sheridan video off to the side, I believe a lizard has found her poisonous beetle…

  28. So I have a cousin of mine who always trying to be better than me. She always hit the right spot. Sometimes she said thing that was so straight forward that it hurts. But I never show her that it actually hurt me, I just said that I don’t care. When we were hanging out and she got hurt by herself she told her dad that it was my fault. When we we’re little kids we promise each other that we wont tell the adults something and promise on a lie. But then she went to tell the adult and when they ask me i reply the lie that we were promise on. And it make me a liar for telling a lies when she told the true. I was just keeping my promise. She always want to make me feels jealous of the things she has. And she keep bugging me with it until it look like I’m jealous. After she hurt my feeling, she always come back and make it look like we’re best-friend.Is she a sociopath?

  29. Sociopath vs narsacism ? I think my ex wife and her father are both. Maybe more narsacism. 15 yrs of hell, divorced 14 yrs now, our daughter that 14 lost her ring recently in my house… Given to her from her mother as great granny’s treasured artifact !!! Lol I asked my daughter a month later KNOWING the answer if her mom had suggested I took the ring….. She answered yes. You come to know her every next move, like its predictable or something!?
    I understand the brain fog and PTSD. I stayed pretty drunk for a few yrs because no one could see the truth. Luckily I’m better now but still scared for life and struggle every day to maintain a relationship with OUR daughter because of the parental alienation. I have a question :
    If you were beaten by a person and in fear of your life would you poke and prod this person and accuse them of dramatic things and petty things. I say NO, if I’m afraid of a person I stay clear of them period! Truth is I’m terrified of her because you never know what she liable to say or do. I say run like hell from these people and try your best to have a relation with your children. If she calls me I tell her to call my lawyer and he will call me whatever you wanted.

      1. So I’m back again this week, I found an email in my daughters inbox. I’ve never spyed or snooped but felt like I needed to find an answer for her behavior. Here’s what I found. Keep in mind she emailed it only to her mother once completed. I’m assuming her mother mailed to the contest. Not a word of this is true at least not on a recurring basis. Fixing your granny a bowl of cereal once maybe twice isn’t recurring. I read another article about PAS when the alienator grossly over lives an isolated event. As in mom and dad had a argument a few times turns in to all the time. I had not seen my daughter for almost two years from 2-4 but only because the ex ran off. Never restrained never had my rights revoked. I’m afraid my daughter has become her mother.

        A Diamond from Black Dust
        By Xxxxx xxxxx

        A father is a man a girl looks up to. He is a man who picks up his little girl when she falls and scrapes her knee. A villain is a man a girl runs from. He is a man who pushes a little girl down so that she will scrape her knee. In this most unlikely case, my father is my villain.

        When I was eleven months old, my father became angry at my mother. He left our house and got high and drunk. He arrived back at the house in the middle of the night angry. His first victim was my mother. He tried to strangle her and he grabbed her wrists very hard. He then decided to target my three older siblings who were, at the time, five three, and three. He kicked their toy box and threw toys at them. I have never been informed of any further events that happened that November night.

        From the time the divorce was finalized, to the age of four, I was not aware that I had a father. My mother was single raising four children all by herself. I remember the day I met my father. I was brought into a room where my father, grandmother, and a Child Psychologist were all seated on a couch. I remember seeing my dad crying and all I could think was, “Who is this man and why is he crying?” A few weeks later, began seeing my dad every other Tuesday and every other weekend. The first visits were great. We painted my room, he bought me toys, and took me to the movies, something I never got to do with mom.

        As I got older, I realized what kind of man my dad really was. We lived in a tan trailer in the country and when the wind would blow, it would make a horrifying noise on the tin roof and flimsy, metal walls. Many nights, I would sleep with my dad. Whether it was on the couch, or in his room. One day early in the morning, it was storming very badly. Being the skittish six year old I was, I ran into the living room where my dad would sometimes sleep. I am not sure if he was having a bad wake-up call, or if he did not sleep well, but my father decided to say a few choice words to me and yelled. I think that is when the neglection, verbal abuse, and emotional abuse all began. After that morning, the laughs have almost ceased, the smiles are fake, and the worst part, the “I love you’s” are hollow.

        When I turned seven, we moved into my grandmother’s house. I began to practically raise myself. There were many nights where I was left home while my grandmother was sleeping and my father was out until two and sometimes three o’clock in the morning. I would, and still do, wake up at least two hours before my father does. My grandmother has dementia and, more times than not, I make her breakfast and coffee.

        Although my life was and still hard, I have learned and gained many new lessons and skills. I have learned to be a leader. Taking care of myself for most of my life, I have learned to help lead others like a mother duck leads her ducklings. I have learned to listen and to care. I never really had anyone I was comfortable talking to until I was in sixth grade. I figured that I would make myself the person I always and still do need. I made the decision a long time ago that I would not let the way I have been treated and the way people might view my family affect my personality and my character.

        Knowing that I have gone through this mostly by myself, I know now that there are so many more people who have it much worse. I do not feel sorry for myself, but I feel proud. I feel proud knowing that I survived. That I became a person who knows that God would never give me something that I could not handle. I guess I made myself the benefit of the doubt. I made myself a person that I am proud of. My everyday motivation comes from the smiles and laughter that I hear in my house and down the hallway. Seeing other people happy lets me know that there is good in this world.

      2. Well since the day I met this family 18 yrs. ago I’ve lived a nightmare. Then 15 yrs ago I had a child with this animal! After reading this the first 60 seconds time stood still. Then I started to cry but really couldn’t because I’m not suprised and im so numb from hurt. I have an attorney and a good counselor that hopefully can guide me thru this one more time. I have 2.9 yrs left before shes an adult. At this point I don’t see her being a future of my life until much later in her life. I just hope I’m here for her. If she is a sociopath like her family members and causes havoc in my life as she matures I will have no choice but to separate myself completely. I’ve given all I can. Spent $100,000 in court system and can no longer continue this for many reasons other than money. What do you suggest?!

      3. It is a difficult one, if you saw an email that you were not meant to send. As you cannot ask her about it, as she will feel angry that you violated her privacy.

        I think that the lesson is (i used to say this to my ex all the time) if you were meant to read it, i would have sent it to you.

        You could ask her how things are going with her, is there anything that she would like support with right now? Is there anything you can do to help?

        This might open up the lines of communication between you.

        The email that I read said the following 1. That she was told really bad things about you. 2. That she was surprised that it wasn’t that way, and she enjoyed spending time with you. 3. That she was disappointed when things were not the idealistic perfect that she thought after being told bad things initially she might latch onto this too.

        I would try to talk to her, in a casual way, but don’t confront her, as you will only make things worse. It sounds to me, like she misses that time – could you do things (on an older basis) to what you did at the time that she describes as joyful? It sounds like this is what she is missing?

    1. emotionaly drunk yep I know that feeling and researching the matter we are all doomed it’s not nukes that are going to wipe us out we wont have time for any natural disaster to take us out . This generational infection of abusive behaviour is ruining mankind from the inside out. I’m trying to save my son who’s 12.5 and very pragmatic about things as abuse has had a factor in his whole life now , he has simply outgrown the immaturity of his mother some years back now and luckily still knows the difference between right and wrong and just as importantly still has a good strong heart . I have a stress dissorder and had to watch Jake develope one too at about 5 years old this was then miss diagnosed as ADHD which the system now doesnt recognise as he doesnt meet the ADHD criteria and his school see him as a normal boy of his age , his mother if I can call her that still hangs on to this adhd like its the answer to all her in house problems ie nothing is anything to do with her typical sociopath luckily he’s had me and we’ve spent a lot of time together untill just before christmas when we had to go to the poilce again as she had assaulted him again . My heart and strength goes out to everyone involved in these kind of nightmares and all I can say is it starts at the beginning as in a child seeing damaging behaviour and then being infected themselves and spreading the syndromes through generations . The normal people left in these situations absolutley still have a real job on there hands even if they do manage to save their children from the imediate danger which is living with the abuser , basicaly the effected children need ‘deprogramming’ as I knew and have been doing all of my sons life, Gordon RM I’ve read a lot of his stuff now as he’s done a lot on parent seperatoin syndrome , medea complexe and such matters the case studies are truly generational .If you take this job on directly be very careful not to implement further damage and become another damaging programmer it takes a lot of thaught but it’s for your baby your child and your children’s children . lead by example you’ll only recieve love and respect in return from a person who will appreciate the truth from you . I truly feel for yo ME but running isnt the answer if kids are involved but yea if they arnt run for the hills and just keep your eyes open for a real partner it does happen .

    2. Well it ME again, I noticed some more activity on this blog and I’m actually back the HELL with my daughters mother once again. All seemed great with my now 15 year old daughter until last week. I text her said see ha tomorrow at 3. Ok dad , 10000 character text at 7pm that night about 3 hours later said dad I love you more than life you’ve been a awesome dad BUT I don’t want to come see you anymore!? Boy talk about a crushing blow! What parent would ever allow a child to speak to their parent like that? As much as I can’t stand her mother I’d never allow her to say such heart breaking words to her! I called my daughter and she was crying, I said it makes no sense to me why your crying if you made this choice?! I finally just surrendered and said fine. I Give up and your iPhone will be turned off tomorrow seeing you want to not come around any longer no need I pay the bill.

      Rewinding 3 weeks ago I discovered daughter is running with much older kids and is texting a 21 yr old boy. So I blocked his number text my ex wife for first time in a few years and explained to her my concerns. She Never replied! Just as I expected so why am I surprised. After hanging up with our child last week I text my ex again and said you finally got what you wanted I’ll see you in court! She Never replied!!! Lol. My daughter said mom doesn’t even know I’ve decided this. So if that’s true wouldn’t a normal person respond to my last text asking what’s this about? I really can’t afford another trip to court but I really don’t think I can afford to give up on our child at just turned 15 either. I have some hard core evidence of bad behavior and a darkened child over the last 2 years. Someone please say something!? I don’t think I have anymore fight left in me!

      1. Hi Me,

        Nice to see you again. You know rejection any time is tough, its especially tough when it is our children.

        Let me tell you this, if it reassures you, your daughter is fifteen, I think – what you have said sounds fairly normal. When they get to that age, they don’t want to hang out with parents. This would be ESPECIALLY true, if she has a boy that she is seeing.

        Don’t give up on her, she is just being a teenager. From my experience (I have two girls in their 20s now), those years were the hell years. She might not have wanted to let you down, but had other things to do.

        Its possibly you are automatically presuming this is your ex, but I get the feeling that it isn’t at all. I get the feeling that she is just being a normal teenager (its what my girls did at that age anyway)

        Your daughter was probably mortified, and likely telling the truth – when she said mom doesn’t know anything about this….


      2. You say she has been a darkened child over the last two years – again as a mother to two grown daughters, I would say that she sounds pretty normal to me. They all do this.

      3. You are wrong. It’s also her mothers place to encourage visiting that she’s never done. Has tried to remove my parental rights has been chewed from end to end by a judge and still doesn’t comply. She lets her run wild and that is the reason she doesn’t want to visit any longer. 21 yr old boys don’t call 15 yr old boys! At least not this one!!. Minors don’t get to make choices! Some other issues have come in to play that I’ve not mentioned. My ex has tried since the day I left to remove me erase me from her life. She told me the day I said I’m not coming back she replied you will never see your kid again. Teenagers I understand. Sociopath I dont. Whatever the case may be my ex is gloating with excitement because now she can tell all her friends that our daughter doesn’t want anything to do with me regardless of the actual reasons.

      4. Do you know what the good thing is though Me? The positive, is that you are moving towards the light at the end of the tunnel.

        It doesn’t matter too much what she thinks or feels (socio), as your daughter is now growing into adulthood. I can verify that from the age of 13, it is fairly normal for girls to do what you have described. Which is good it makes her normal.

        What might be (I don’t know) happening here, is previous events, where your ex took her away from you, caused you trauma (as it would) fighting through the courts, her threatening you etc etc, this was probably stressful and traumatic.

        What ‘could’ be happening, is that you are (quite naturally) amplifying this – due to previous hurt and pain.

        If you think that it is like this for you, believe me, she is probably giving her mother some too. You say that she was crying and said it was nothing to do with her mother. She is probably telling the truth. Last thing she wants is for her father to be angry at her, and then to be in trouble with her mother too.

        You could also be right though about her mother crowing that your daughter didn’t want to come to see you. If she does this, I would say that this shows a lack of understanding of teenage behaviour, as I expect she could have difficulty controlling her too. Teenage girls are not the easiest.

        Your ex sounds like a scorned woman, who tried to use your daughter as a weapon to hurt you. We both know that is wrong. Most mothers would be overjoyed that the father wants to take an active interest.

        It sounds like you are also disturbed by your daughters relationship with someone so much older again, this is understandable, she is 15 and he is of the age where he could be pushing for sex, I can only imagine how that worry must be as a father – but of course, I am not a man or father, so I don’t know.

        Do you know what I think you should do, that is to just ‘rise above it’…. let it go. Write down why you are upset, give a rating of how much it has hurt you (out of 10) then give a rating how it is about what has happened (your daughter not coming) and then give a rating to how hurt you are that you think that your ex is trying to take your daughter away. Ask yourself honestly. You might find (psychologically most of the time we are upset about something, most of the pain and the hurt, is not about the event that has just happened, but is instead about an event, that has happened in the past) (or multiple events).

        Am not sure if this helps? It is just my opinion, I do know psychologically that usually when someone is upset its usually 80% hurt from a past event and 20% hurt from what has happened, when you can see this, it makes it easier to put the anger/hurt/pain into proportion and where it belongs.

    3. I agree with most of your response. Trust me I’m in tune with me. I highly suggest anyone dealing with these people to get professional help as j have. She wouldn’t dare speak to her mother like this because she would be devoured by her mother and her sociopathic grand parents. She a smart kid. I feel helpless in trying to save her but I’m past a lot of that now because she is becoming a adult. It’s sad because she and her siblings believe mom is like a prophet! I’m serious! She made remarks that no one can challenge her because she is never wrong!? Her kids believe she has raised them as a poor single mother with no help and always managed to place food on the table!? Omg. My ex will have received over $500,000 in child support over 16 years from us sperm doners as we are called. yes I’m bitter right now! I know if I don’t take her back to court to see her regularly she will be out of control and her mother will point the Finger at me when she messes up!
      Yes I’m almost thru the maze of hell and can’t wait to start dating again. Something I surrendered many years ago because ex would run off anyone I was with. Can’t say I blame them for running away! The biggest used word on this website is WHY. ? Stop asking your self that and start thinking how much longer before it over. I can’t wait… I have so many plans for MY life at 47 gives me a sigh of peace. Almost like retirement!

    4. I did violate her privacy to some degree but she’s a child and it’s my job to help her make good choices. When she shut down with me I took the next step and that was reading this. You mention I wasn’t meant to see this but her mother mailed it to a contest for the whole world to read!? If you think about it ……it’s a way for my ex to get attention threw using her kid. My ex should never had told her these things and certainly should never allow her to publish such rubbish about her parent. I would never allow her to do this to anyone! I can’t talk to her I shut off her phone for now any ways. I do believe she and I both need some space. I’m actually hoping she will reach out to me first but probably not. I have always been the one trying to salvage a relationship with her. Maybe if I do a little reverse role it will make her think.

  30. I am a male and I am in a situation very much like what is said in this article.I have been accused of cheating and my daughter who was 10 years old at the time caught my ex wife with another guy making out.She accused my daughter of lying and threatened to slap her.This was all while I was recovering from having my colon removed due to cancer surgery.Everything that she accuses me of is what she is doing and has done.I had nurses coming in to pack a hole in my stomach after my surgery and I could barely walk and was 50 pounds lighter and she was threatening to cause problems with the nurse because she was in the room to long with me.She has gone around and on the internet accusing me of cheating and she has been caught more than once.I have been separated for 18 months and my daughter lives with me half the time but my ex refuses to acknowledge this and will not let me collect any of the child tax credit for my daughter and because I am now on a disability income I cannot collect money for my daughter from them until it is acknowledge by the government.I have lost about anywhere from $3000 to $4500 to help support my daughter and have to beg and borrow to survive right now.I have a lawyer through the legal aid service in Canada and have to take this to court now. Since I have retained a lawyer now my ex wife says that my daughter no longer wants to live with me and wants to live with her full time.Which is not true and my daughter has told me in front of my ex that she wants to keep it the same and live with both of us.My ex uses the child tax credit money and buys my daughter $80 sweat shirts and I phone and many other things now to try and persuade my daughter to live with her.In the past we were separated and she had come by my place and caused so much trouble that I was told I could no longer rent there anymore.I also owned a house in another town and she would come up and cause trouble and then not want to leave and go sit in her car in the winter and the neighbors would be mad at me and say “What kind of a man lets his wife stay outside in a car in the winter.” Another thing that has happened is that the only way she can get to me is through my daughter so she would come and cause problems until my daughter would start crying and then I would have to try and calm things down because I did not like to see my daughter like that.But she would keep trying to instigate it.I feel like I am a loner now because whoever I am friends with she eventually get talking to them and making stories up about me and I have lost all trust in everyone.The one thing I keep saying and will keep saying is my daughter knows the truth and she will not always be 12 years old and when the time comes my ex will have to answer to her. Sorry for the long note…

  31. The father of my child was like this. He thought I was having sex with the neighbor, maintenance man, my lawyer, etc. Come to find out, he was exposing himself to the landlord and my neighbors. That’s just the tip of the ice burg. He almost had me evicted because of the lies he would tell them about me and he would come back telling me they say Iam no good when he’s the one trying to run my household. I even went to jail behind this prick! The neighbors lied for him saying I hit him first and as they were taking me to the cop car, he was smiling at me sitting with them like they really cared for him. For a moment, I knew he felt like he was God.He even admitted the landlord let him back into MY place after I was arrested so he could get the “REST” of his stuff. Fast forward, he ended up going to jail and before he did, all the people who lied on me filed charges on him for indecent exposure and filed a petition so that he couldn’t come back on the property because he just didn’t get it. He ended up getting those charges dropped because he knows how to work the system. Before I moved, I received a few of his letters. I was thinking in my head why in the hell is he writing me? He would butter me up in the beginning of the letters only to ask me to do him a favor in the very end. He would tell me if I needed anything just get in contact with him….. WTH! He told me in the last letter I got he would never write again because I never responded then added at the end of the letter he was mad and that he wouldn’t stop writing until his letters came back to the sender. One more thing. He slashed an innocent man’s tires because he thought someone was in my house since I wouldn’t let him in to endure the constant verbal abuse. I had to change my number because of him. Talking about a sociopath stalker!Yes he still is in jail, but I fear he will somehow find me. Please know the signs before you end up living a life of hell. It’s not worth it.

  32. I am so glad I found this page. The game that they constantly play is so unreal ! would spend hours defending myself and get so stressed out I really thought he was literally going to drive me insane or kill me ! I can finally start living again Thank you so very much !

  33. This website came up when I searched for “when people accuse you of things that actually wrong with them.” As unfortunate as it is, I’m glad to know I’m not alone in this. The good news is that it’s not a personal, intimate relationship and I can abandon the “friendship.” Thank you for posting this. It was very helpful.

  34. my bf of 6 years has once again accused me of taking OUR rent receipts when I denied taking them and helped look for them he accused me of trying to get to them before he did so I left the room when he still couldnt find them he said i must have taken the bag (he had supposedly 2 years of them in his trucks center console n put them in a plastic shopping bag and put them atop his cluttered filing cabinet which has papers including a shoebox sruffed w papers about 7″ high) despite him having accused me dozens of times in the past of taking his keys and money (the money was found in his pocket and the many times ive been accused of the keys bullshit hes either left them in his coat, his pocket of the pants he was currently wearing or left them other random places) and seeing I didnt any of those times he still continues to this day and when the argument even nears him being wrong or the utterance of an apoligy he finds something else to start about like when looking for the receipts i opened our kitchen garbage n started going through it piece by piece until he saw i tossed a gladware container n flipped bc its recyclable and im throwi.g it away its awful why would i do that etc etc i said “can we just focus on the receipts right now? stop trying to find things to distracr from what were doing” and then he started about how IM trying to deflect bc *I* did something wrong hes always taking any little thing OR bringing up stuff years old when hes caught in the wrong to push the attention away from him and when it doesnt work he says IM being annoying he cant take it and if i dont stop talking hes leaving rhe room which he will do but the whole time he’ll be talking out loud saying stuff to push my buttons to instigate me to respond making insults and accusations its a fucking NIGHTMARE

  35. I’m sorry, but this article has made me laugh! My “ex” was always asking (not so much accusing) if I had a husband/boyfriend in the UK (where I live), it turns out he was totally promiscuous and had a wife! Initially when it all erupted, I assumed he asked if I had someone else because it would have made it easier for him.

    Another thing he did, was talk about other people doing things that he was doing, like sleeping round, or sleeping with people in exchange for money/gifts. I don’t know if it was a form of confession, a mind game, or way of gauging my opinion.

    If I hadn’t acted like some kind of crazy – trying to warn people who might be giving him money or sleeping with him, it would all be quite funny, but it isn’t since I failed miserably. Just glad I didn’t part with any cash, although that might be why the “relationship” ended….

  36. I feel like I should tell my story, I have lots of reasons to believe my partner is a sociopath. When we first met, I thought he was a little odd, but as we spoke more I found him funny, charming, sweet, gentle and highly intriguing. I was actually engaged to a really nice guy, who I left for this new man after only knowing him a few weeks. He acted like I was the best thing in the world, was thrilled to be with me, as was I. I have never experienced love like that before, and so quickly and intensely. I very quickly didn’t care about anything else in the world other than him, but it wasn’t long before he showed a nasty streak. He started drinking a lot and making nasty comments about me being Scottish and coming from a Protestant background. It was really confusing and hurtful and it didn’t make any sense. That was our first real fight, maybe 6 weeks into the relationship. Shortly after he moved in (which happened as soon as my fiance moved out, I know it sounds crazy but I was madly in love) he had begun to tell me how much he wanted a baby. I was surprised but I would have done anything to make him happy. During the time we were trying to conceive, he began to abuse drugs (I’m talking class A’s, not just a few spliffs now and again) which he was known for before we got together, to be fair to him I knew what he was like, but he told me at the beginning of the relationship that he didn’t need that anymore because he had me in his life. Anyway, he was back on the drugs, and I was considering going back on contraception until he sorted himself out, but it was too late, I found out I was pregnant at the end of the first month that we were trying. (And please know that I am so glad now that I was, because I love my baby more than anything, far more than her abusive Father!) Well, we were ecstatic to find out, he was so happy he treated me like a princess again for a couple of weeks, but then it all stopped one day, when I was 8 weeks pregnant he became physically violent towards me. I left him and we haven’t lived together since, but several times I have tried to reconcile the relationship, or he has, and it has ended with me being abused emotionally. He lies about everything, treats me and his family with disrespect and he has even admitted once a few months ago that he used to hurt me on purpose for kicks and that he doesn’t want to do it anymore. He does the classic accusing me of his own wrongdoings and isolating me fro family and friends. He won’t go near me physically now, behaves as if the thought of sex is repellent and often he won’t even let me hold him for very long, and I know it is because he knows how much I love to be physically close to him ( I know I sound completely retarded to want to be near him at all, but this is how I felt up until very recently, I was and probably still am in love with him.) So he won’t give me anything. He is still verbally abusive and manipulative. Many of his lies are designed to make people feel sorry for him and I have to say some of these lies are whoppers, and I fell for them along with many others. Our daughter is 8 months old now, and he still wants us to try and have a normal relationship. He says he can change. The WORST of it is…My daughter and I are going to be held back from ever finding the truth about him, as his Mother has convinced himself he has Aspergers Syndrome, and he has latched on to this idea as an excuse for his bad behaviour. I tried to tell her that this doesn’t fit with the way he’s behaved, the lies, the controlling behaviour, manipulation and sadism, but she keeps saying Oh everything I’ve read fits it. I’m guessing she is relating to the lack of empathy thing. She is in denial and won’t listen to me. I need to know the truth, for my daughter’s sake. Know it, and deal with it.

  37. This is spot on. Trying to make me crazy never worked with me. 17 months on I believe still via other people has tried to set me up via other people (men) as I was told I was many things including a slut and had them believing I was going crazy but it will never effect me – They hide behind computer screens and other people and get them to do the dirty work for them but these poor people are none the wiser and follow the foot steps of a pathological liar. They twist every truth and tell the biggest lies to hurt the person that sees them for who they really are. They twist the things you’ve told them and spread this like wildfire via others and make you appear to be the un-trusting one when they are. They will infiltrate your family and everyone you know but keep their life very secret, afraid you will do to them what they are doing to you. If we were to do this to them all hell would break loose but it’s o.k for them to do it to us. Even professionals don’t have a huge understanding of these types of people but only those that have an involvement with someone like this will truly know who and what they are. They are fully aware of what they are doing and in time people will begin to see the person for who they are. They are opportunists and when it doesn’t work out the mask falls and they turn to reveal a vile individual that will use every avenue to make you out to appear the crazy, unstable and un-trusting person he apparently lived with. One sad, sad, empty individual who’s mask of insanity will reveal itself in time. They live behind a very false mask and if you spend enough time with someone like this you can read them and there is always something missing – they’re emotionally vacant.

  38. My ex accused me of talking about him online, but he has no evidence to show me. I begged him to tell me or show me what the fuck he is talking about? I would never mention his name online because I don’t want to be associated with him. I used to be with BOSSES, and I don’t want anyone to know I was with him. Now I have to deal with this shit because I made the mistake of letting a loser into my life. Its clear as DAY that he’s talking crap about me online, and trying to flip the script. GROW THE FUCK UP. I’m signing my name so he can find this when he stalks my shit. LOVE CYCO EVA , NO I DIDNT MENTION YOUR NAME ONLINE, NO I DONT HANG OUT WITH YOUR LAME ASS FRIENDS, AND NO I DONT DO COKE!!! THANKS FOR ALL THE LAME ACCUSATIONS BECAUSE ALL THAT SHIT, IS IN YOUR WACK ASS HEAD!!!!

    1. He is playing the game and making your life hell so you will end the relationship. They are always hostile towards you forcing you to end it …. Sick games that they play.

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