The most important thing to a sociopath is control. The need to control. Without control they are nothing. When you meet a sociopath, once he has assessed you, if he decides, that you have what he wants. You will then experience love bombing.
What is love bombing?
Love bombing is so called because of the constant bombardment of communication from the sociopath. This can take many forms. Excessive texting, constant comments on your social network page, emails, telephone calls, or just literally bombarding you verbally in face to face communication. He might overwhelm you with gifts and will constantly flatter you. It feels overwhelming, you are swept off your feet.
At first you will not perceive this as bombardment. You will initially be flattered that he is paying so much attention to you. He will leave you small love notes, send you sweet texts, it is like something from a movie. That’s because it is like that, its more fiction than reality.
Already he has assessed you, and he is now mirroring you, so he is reflecting back to you exactly what you want to hear. But he wants control over you. He wouldn’t have your full attention or control, if you were busy doing other things.
This is an important manipulation tool for a sociopath, love bombing does the following things.
- It doesn’t give you time to think about what is really happening
- It doesn’t give you time to spend with others
- It isolates you
- It gives a false impression of the sociopath, within a short space of time
- It moves the relationship forward very quickly (often before you are ready)
Moving the relationship forward quickly
Love bombing is effective, as it moves the relationship forward very quickly. You might spend 10 hours talking on a telephone conversation. Or might receive constant text messages during the day. Numerous emails, or Facebook contact.
This is mind control. The message that you receive is:
- He is really keen on me
- He is really like me, we have so many common interests
- You have known him for far longer than you actually have
It blinds you to reality
It is important for the sociopath to move the relationship forward very quickly. If he didn’t you might notice that there is a lack of friends from his past. You might notice that he doesn’t actually have a job. You might notice that he doesn’t actually earn what he says he does.
His motive, is always control. By love bombing you, he effectively, in a very short space of time, has control over you. Ownership. He isolates you from other people. You can, within a very short space of time, feel that you have been with someone for 3 years, or have that feeling that you have known this person all of your life. This gives you the false impression that this man is your soul mate. Someone special, that you do not want to let go of. It feels good.
Feel good factor
Having all this attention, will feel good. In your mind, you reason that this is the right person. This is special. This is my soul mate. We rarely want to let go of that ‘feel good’ feeling. And not forgetting that a sociopath will often target someone who has needs, perhaps they are lonely. And he walks in and fulfills this part more than well.
Within a short period of time, he will be staying at your place regularly. Your friends and family might raise an eyebrow at how quickly this has progressed. But you reassure them, thinking, ‘they do not know how this feels, it feels so absolutely RIGHT’.
It won’t be long and he will have moved in with you. Perhaps he was about to lose his place, or the person he was living with is difficult, and he isn’t happy. He is staying at yours so often, you think why not? You love his company…. he has became all the company you keep. And now, he has you exactly where he wants you. He has moved into your house. Now he has what he really wants, control.
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12 thoughts on “Sociopaths and love bombing”
What if the sociopath got lured by a psychopath
An interesting concept. But why would the psychopath do that? What would he have to gain from the sociopath? A lot of sociopaths don’t have much as they become the mirror image of whoever they are with. I guess that the sociopath could feed the narcissist side of the psychopath…. and the psychopath could falsely offer exactly what the sociopath wants. I cant see too much difference between the two though to be honest.
just read this article – totally blew my mind. i have often questioned over the past few weeks wether or not he was a socio, but almost every entry on your site is a ‘tick’ off the socio check list. my SP moved in after only 2 months of dating due to a difficult living situation he was in. looking back i can now see the grooming phase i went through with him and then one day he called me from work and announced that he had to move… and well… ‘i’m always at your place anyway so maybe we should just move in and take it to the next level”. suffice to say, i was apprehensive, but as you mention above, i figured we were so compatible so why not. i was actually kind of thrilled at the prospect because this meant he was really serious about us. i told him lets give it a month or 2 and see how we go. 12 months later… well you know the ending of that story. there was no way in hell he was going anywhere. i never really thought about much it until now. but the more i read on this blog, the more i realize i was with a text book socio. gives me a sense of peace knowing there really was nothing i could’ve done to ‘fix’ the situation or him.
I think the truth does set you free. It helps you to know that it is not you. There is nothing you could have done to change things. It is just the way he is.
do you think he’ll ever change? perhaps learn a thing or 2 from his rel. with me? or is it just a case of refining his skills for the next poor sod.
I think the biggest reason that there can be no change is a lack of conscience. So they do not learn from past mistakes. Neither do they see what they are doing is wrong. The only change I saw was the story changing. He did try to change but the need to control was within him so strong like a driving force and the pattern always repeated.
he said the strangest thing in a brief conversation i had with him a week after i booted him (the last time i will ever speak to him) he said “i learnt a lot about myself, and although i’m embarrassed for what i did, you were a really big part of my life”. you’re embarrassed? not sorry, not remorseful for all the pain and havoc you wreaked in my life… just embarrassed. to me that just meant he is worried what others think of him… because i had 4 friends here the day i kicked him out. which i thought was a smart move because i knew if people were present, he wouldn’t fly into a fit of rage and reveal his true self. what a kicker that was.
Even any regret is all about them.
EVERYTHING is about them. 100% everything is about them. Even when they fake caring about you that is for their own benefit and need.
According to the sociopath th world revolves around them.
yes its true what you say, me ex was always going on about ‘making adjustments’ whenever there was a blow up. but the pattern never changed, it just got worse. you’re 100% right. the need to control is the primary motivator.
Wow I just learned so much wow, I have no words
I think a good way to recognize this may be happening to you is if you feel when this person initially interacts with you this way, “Do they think I’m somebody else?” Because of how familiar they are being, it doesn’t make sense that the person is interacting with you this way.