If you spend too long around the sociopath, once Mr nice, and Mr Helpful, and Mr Wonderful wears off, once he has his slippers firmly under your table, hand in the fridge, and the warm half of your bed, a totally different character begins to appear. To cope with this, you need mental agility,for the sociopath is the master game player. And what he intends to do is play a game with your life. You will be left feeling absolutely confused.
What is deflection? Deflection takes focus away from the accusation. To use an example, if you had concerns that your partner was cheating, perhaps you have evidence that has convinced you that he is having an affair? You confront your partner, holding the evidence, you are fairly sure that now you ‘have him?’… Or so you think!!
Evidence, means little with the sociopath as the sociopath who will do and say anything to
Protect the lie!
An example of this, unrelated to dating, is that I worked for a long time with homeless in a hostel. Often, when there had been an incident the night before, as soon as staff got in the next morning, the person who was the most obvious suspect would come to the office, and declare information about what had happened the night before. Giving his witness statement, or making a complaint about the noise etc. Feeding you this misleading information would (for the inexperienced person), lead you on a false trail. To think that this person couldn’t be responsible, as they were the one who came to you and reported it in the first place This is called deflection.
He knew that we would receive complaints from others, which would later be pinpointed on him. So, coming to see us first, to give us false information, would stall for time, and (he hoped) get him off being evicted. It would take our attention elsewhere.
This is what the sociopath does. Have you ever watched a murder mystery film? Where it is said that the least obvious suspect is often the one who did it? Sociopaths operate using the same analogy. Perhaps many murder mystery writers are also sociopaths? Who knows? 🙂 And so, if you gain evidence that the sociopath has been doing something behind your back, they will either:
If he has already worked out that he is about to be found out
He would come to you, before you confront him. He will feed you false information, which will invalidate your evidence. This would make you doubt your evidence. You would doubt your own mind, and what you had heard or seen. Instead of confronting, you would delay, or be confused, or be reassured that your concerns or worries were nothing.
If you have ever falsely accused him, he will use this as ‘evidence’ of how you ‘get things wrong’
Alternatively, if he had no idea that you had found out
He will have to think fast. To give himself more time, he will immediately:
– Stall for time, by using distraction, and change the subject. Or say ‘what about…’ something someone else has done, or say you always accuse me, and get things wrong, Remember when…… (and repeat back to you something totally irrelevant)
– Or lie further to protect the lie. (See also catching a sociopath in the lie)
The outcome will be that you will be confused. You might know abs0lutely that this person is lying to you. But he will never admit to lies, even with evidence shown to him. He protects the lie with his life. And when caught in the lie will either deflect attention elsewhere, distract, or lie further. You will be confused, and perhaps because you do not want it to be true (you are hurt), you yet again give him another chance.
This is how sociopaths get away with things, for such a long time, often even when you have evidence of what they have done.
It is because of this, that other people cannot understand, “why did you stay with it so long?” or “You knew, you had that evidence, why didn’t you leave then?” but the sociopath is clever, cunning and manipulative. He/she will do all that he can to dissuade you that you have it wrong. That you are misinformed. Not wanting to be hurt (if you love this person), you can still feel suspicious, but also relieved that perhaps you have it wrong. People close to you, who you have discussed your evidence with, then think that you stupid, and foolish for continuing to stay with this person. After all, have you not seen enough?
But the sociopath is the master of manipulation and control. He will never admit to a lie, for if he did, he would lose control. He experiences ‘dupers delight’ and enjoys conning you. The longer that he can con you for, the longer that he can use you for, and the more benefit for him.
A sociopath will always make plans behind your back, have an exit strategy, and an alternative source of supply prior to leaving you. If you have fulfilled his needs. If you catch him out, prior to him planning this exit, he will do all that he can to protect his asset (you). This could be misconstrued as ‘love’ and ‘care’ and wanting to fight for your relationship. But this is again, an illusion, as it is merely the sociopath mirroring, deflecting, distracting and lying, to keep his target and source for supply, for as long as he possibly can.
Warning!
- Be wary if the sociopath comes to you volunteering information (he might be deflecting you)
- Is he answering the question – or deflecting?
- Have you received a satisfactory answer – or have you just been lied to, and deceived further?
Pay attention, as the sociopath is the master manipulator and will do everything to protect the lie.
Words © datingasociopath.com 2013
Dating a Sociopath 
Positiva,
I remember this so well.
One time his texted me a comment I found personally invasive and offensive.
When I called him on it face to face, he switched the PRONOUNS and said he was talking about “me” not “you.” And he could think this up on the spot!
He said that he has big fingers and makes types when he texts, and this was not the first time he got in trouble with a text.
At the time I thought his twisting evasion made no sense but he acted SO convicnicng and so apologetic — he put on this innocent baby face that could ring so believable.
I have just seen this yogi, am so sorry its 3.35 am here, I have to get some sleep…. but i will catch up with you tomorrow.
My ex-boyfriend Brett is a master manipulator. Now he won’t leave me alone.
Hi Cheron, I had to take out your ex’s full name, I hope that this is ok.
I was framed in this manner by Gayatri. After abusing me, she went to the police saying she felt threatened and wanted a restraining order. All I had done was requested an explanation for the abuse (which I never got.) The police apparently believed her victim act. Since she had no evidence, no report was filed but a detective called me up to berate me.
This is a game that personality disordered individuals like to play: Baiting & Bashing. They abuse and provoke their target, deny them reason to cause further aggravation, then create drama and play the victim for attention and sympathy while destroying the real victim’s reputation and turning people against him/her. It’s nasty.
See: https://psychopathresistance.wordpress.com/2014/01/13/baiting-and-bashing/
Thanks for sharing disillusioned, I will check out your blog! 🙂
Why do they always reappear?
They don’t feel bad for their actions. (look up on the site the boomerang effect)They don’t think that they have done anything wrong. What is most important to them – is what they want or need. So they might go off, when temptation or something they think is better comes along. Or when they have utterly depleted their current source of supply – then turn back up when things get barren where they are – or when they think you have had time to rebuild your supplies. Always, its all about them.
This article was written in favor of women, generally defining a social-path as a “man”, and “he”. As a man, in general I feel rather insulted by this fact alone. Author: Trust me… I have a social-path for a girlfriend, which is not easy living, and right when I’m legitimately online looking for something out there to give me a clearer understanding of social-paths, and I see a woman pointing her social-path finger in the general direction of men, its disheartening. Please revise this to be more gender-neutral. When referring to a social-path, you’ve said “he” 22 times, where you said “he/she” only once. That would be a good place to start.
Hi paul and welcome to the site. This post was written 3 years ago. When i was writing for myself. Not knowing how popular the blog would become. I think first 6 months the site was written he. If you read articles after 2013. They are all gender neutral. Hopefully you can change he to she and understand what the message is saying?
I sympathize. However, the fact that psychopathy, along with violent crime, is more common among men cannot be denied.
Leave….now. don’t look back and explore every article and book on sociopaths. They are master guilt trippers and manipulators. You end up thinking that YOURE the crazy one.
Human:
“I sympathize. However, the fact that psychopathy, along with violent crime, is more common among men cannot be denied.”
I’d like to disagree, first off most crimes women commit go unreported, while it is not “more”, Statically it’s the idea that women less violent crimes, Gender blind criminology: Theories were designed to explain male crime, rather than female. Most people are unable to explain the gender gap due to women victimization would make them more criminal. Additionally, labeling theory is systemically incapable of explaining the gap because men are “generally found” in more powerful positions than women. Therefore, women should be labelled more criminal than men because ‘those with the least power are more susceptible to deviantizing – and the fact they are not, highlights a limitation in the theory. Even though these socially grounded theories are an improvement on biologism. They all lack the ability to explain the gender gap.
In an attempt to rationalize the gender gap, the gender equality hypothesis formulated and predicted that increased gender equality would lead to an increase in female crime. In general, society has different standards and expectations for men and women. Whereas boys are seen as active and adventurous exhibitionists, girls are seen as mature and cunning bourgeois. As a result, boys are policed more for legitimate criminal activities and girls are policed more for gender-inappropriate deviance.
These differences reflect broad ‘social and political concerns to “police” girls in social life and to reinforce gender stereotypes Rather than controlling their actions by criminalized society, controls female actions through suppression and is an extension of male patriarchy and female subordination. Radical feminists see patriarchy as unremittingly oppressive tyranny driven by the “masculine traits” of aggression, intimidation and physical violence.
Few hold such a radical view but feminists still maintain that men retain female subordination in more subtle ways. For example, as the moral panic of the female offender has emerged, female imprisonment has grown and the ‘courts are [now] imposing more severe sentences on women for less serious offences. Whereas traditional paternalist tendencies have perpetuated the myth that women are spared the cruelty of prison, figures shows that the number of women sentenced to immediate imprisonment in England and Wales grew faster than comparable figures for males for much of the 1990s and into the twenty first century
Whilst feminists have worked towards to the elimination of gender inequality, they are yet to offer a comprehensive alternative and actually created a bifurcated criminology) whereby one side studied traditional lines of inquiry and the other side studied the feminist side.
It is therefore necessary to recognize the importance of class, race and other inequalities in addition to gender, as they all affect the way one sees the world. When a poorly educated, black teenage boy steals an expensive smartphone from a female, middle class University student, there is a lot more to consider than simply gender. However, the sheer ubiquity of male crime makes it of fundamental importance with the development of masculinity. Conclusions can now be drawn about gender even when ‘contemporary capitalism continues to chisel out its hierarchies along the familiar grooves of class race and gender