After the hearts and flowers of the Sociopath seduction, the confusion of the gaming period, when your emotions were exploited and manipulated to control you. When the relationship ends, what can follow, is some of the worst emotional abuse that you have ever experienced.
All About Ruining and Smear Campaigns
If you have read this blog from the beginning, you would know that the Sociopath needs to keep control.
She/he sees you as someone that they own. After they have discarded you, they then need to destroy you. We already know that there are some people who are serial killers. Most Sociopaths are not like this. In fact a lot are not even violent. What this type of Sociopath will do is to ruin and damage your emotional state, your life, reputation and damage or destroy everything left that you ‘value’ so that you are left feeling absolutely destroyed (metaphorically killed). Whilst the sociopath will not destroy you and kill you in a literal sense, they kill you in another way.
You should remember in the beginning, when the Sociopath mirrored you, acting just like you, mirroring you to offer you everything that you wanted. Moving on from the Sociopath that played victim, you felt sorry for him/her and they ‘exposed’ their weaknesses and vulnerabilities (which were mostly manipulative lies), you felt safe to expose your own weaknesses.
It is now those very weaknesses that the Sociopath uses to control you. He/she will threaten to expose you and will lie about you, using a thread of truth to make the lies that they tell sound believable.
The Sociopath has no conscience. So does not feel bad about terrorising your life. He does not feel remorse, guilt or shame. The sociopath will continue to make your life hell, until in his/her mind you are literally ‘dead’.
Stop Playing the Game
Unless you are an incredibly strong person, with no care at all for the consequences (I was), there is one thing that you need to do more than anything.
STOP PLAYING THE GAME!!!!
The sociopath is still playing the game when he is carrying out ruining and smear campaigns, and will not stop until you are destroyed. They gain too much pleasure from seeing you destroyed. What really does NOT work (and will make things worse)
- Showing at any time, how upset you are, and how his/her actions are affecting you. The sociopath is looking for emotion. Is looking to control you. Is looking for reaction.
- Do NOT give emotion/reaction anything. By doing so, this motivates the sociopath to destroy those emotions (you are still living), so the game continues
- Do not respond to contact
- Do not write a personal blog about them, and mention them by name
- Do not write how you are feeling over social networks
- Do not engage with the Sociopath in any way at all BLOCK ALL CONTACT
- Do not talk to, or confide in people who are mutual friends. Only confide in people that you trust
- Do not expect other people to understand. Unless they are trained psychologists, they won’t understand
When you respond, in anyway at all, you are feeding the Sociopath further Narcissistic Supply. This is what they want. It makes them feel good.
- Remember that they are the expert liars, and experts at being manipulative and deceptive – NOT YOU!!!
You need to stop playing the game. Each time you respond. Each time to give a reaction, you are playing the game. The sociopath likes two things
- Winning
- Being in Control
Take away those two things. The Sociopath will get bored eventually. Has he/she not taken enough?
What Can You Do?
- Use the law to control the Sociopath. Each time something happens, call the police
- Keep evidence of EVERYTHING
- Keep calling the police
- Contact a local DV unit in your area, to ensure that you get support (Google or your phone directory for domestic violent services in your area) find someone else who is trained has experience to help you with this – A DV worker offer support and help you to obtain an injunction order. This is harassment, there are legal remedies against harassment
- Find victim support groups, and talk to others who really do understand
- The Sociopath is NOT the person to ask to stop the behaviour (he/she likely won’t)
- ONLY spend time and confide in those people who you trust. Remember that the Sociopath is likely spreading lies about you, saying how ‘crazy and obsessed’ you are. REMOVE yourself from this, even if only temporarily
- Withdraw from ‘mutual friends’ so that the Sociopath is unable to use third party people to continue the abuse (whilst looking like an angel and you looking like the nut job)
- Remember that this will NOT go on forever
- By responding you are giving the Sociopath supply
- Only legal remedies will stop the Sociopath – they will not listen to begging, pleading any of this, in fact this can make things worse
- Remove yourself. Stop focusing on the Sociopaths behaviour. Instead focus on you
- Do NOT. I repeat DO NOT respond in anyway. When you respond with tears, begging, pleads to stop. You are simply giving the Sociopath exactly what they want.
Please stop playing the game with the Sociopath. Yes I know that this is affecting YOUR life. It is. If someone was at you with a knife and terrorising you… who do you think would help you more? The Psycho, or the Police and third party services who could offer support?
Stop playing the game with them
- Do not talk to people who have interaction with them
- Do not look at their social networking
- Block their number on your phone, block social networking
Obtain support from people who will genuinely support you. Not those people who ask what is going on, because they love the drama. This will only backfire on you. The Sociopath will later use this against you too.
You might be frightened. The Sociopath might threaten you, that if you report they will do further actions against you. Let them carry on. It can’t get worse, can it?
It is now time to find support for YOU. Remove yourself from the game and let the Sociopath play the game with Law enforcement. Not yourself…. start to free yourself. You cannot change the Sociopath’s behaviour. But you can change YOU!!
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013
Dating a Sociopath 
Thank you. This is just the reminder that i needed this week and really useful to me. More than 8 years after seperating from the Sociopath he is still trying all of these tricks and bad mouthing me to everyone.
My situation is very different in that there is no public smear campaign going on. Now I’m positive that he’s secretly bad mouthing me to former, current & new victims, but he’s reaching out to my friends with nothing but compliments. I have made it perfectly clear that there will NEVER be a chance for rekindling what we had, so now he tries to use my friends to relay his messages. For the most part they have stopped telling me or I have cut those off who won’t respect my wishes to not be bothered with it. In every respect that he’s aware of he has lost control & he is not winning with me. However, he is still on my mind every single day. I’m still struggling with the whole situation, but I will continue to go to therapy to fix that. Sadly he has moved on to a new victim & still talks to former victims. Hopefully that will keep him busy so I become a thing of the past for good.
Has he contacted you again since? Or just making comments through friends?
No contact is all well and good when it’s just you and them, but if you have children with these people no contact is literally impossible. All you can do is minimise the communication, make it all by written word (email, brief text), write to them like a professional work contact and make all communication as unemotional as possible. And detach, detach, detach from whatever verbal barbs, subtle secret messages, manipulative ploys they keep throwing your way. It never stops when you have kids. But you have a choice about how you react to their crap. Good luck.
Absolutely thanks Carol. True they see others as business. That is all that it is to them, so if you have to have contact, either because of children or working with them, simply see it as a business negotiation. That really is all that it is anyway.
They’re sosciapaths in the work place as well, wasting payroll dollars on them so they can play the puppets.
No personal contact, only through friends. I don’t allow the information though. No contact means NONE, directly or indirectly!
Good for you!!! One day at a time!!! 🙂
Right there with you…..will get there 🙂
Fantastic article. I blog about the concepts of the relationship interaction with the disordered personality. But I see it as being more about me and my journey, Does this fall under the blogging category you are speaking of? A lot of people like it and relate to it. Curious on your thoughts.
Sorry Simone, I haven’t had time to read your blog. I have been so stupidly busy. I just had a quick look at it, its 4.12am here, will have a read tomorrow. Looks interesting 🙂
Ooo that’s early! 🙂
And yes I find it hard to find the time to read other people’s writing and also to write myself. Plus work, plus study, plus the rest. I try and keep my writing as short and summarised as I can for that reason, not always possible.
Great advice I intend to follow as my socio has created blogs, pages and even a YouTube channel to try to humiliate me further, as if he hasn’t done enough. Before I found this site I mistakenly pleaded with him to take the humiliation down. Even at one point paying him off in agreement for removal. So evil he was that as soon as he received a gift card with a substantial sum of money on it. He texted me to let me know that “Sorry about your luck, all that stuff is staying anyway, haha” I was able to stop pay on the card which probably blew him away as I won that round. They are beyond evil and cannot be reasoned with or bargained with. The best advice ever just no contact, and prepare the ride the worst storm you could have ever imagined in your worst nightmare with the devil himself.
If he has a youtube channel about you please contact the police. That is illegal and harassment, threatening, stalking etc. What he is doing to you, is disgusting and shocking. Never give him money as he will only ask for more later. Only the police can stop him. I am sorry that you are going through such an awful time 😦
PLEASE HELP
YES, youtube is actually a good thing (all is relative). I cannot even go to the police, no evidence. THE MOST IMPORTANTLY, it’s a whole mob, not one person, so who is going to believe: 1 psycho, then 3 added at ones, then 1 again. Please consider, I am not misdiagnosing (won’t say why, it’s going to sound arrogant), just believe, if you can.
I am concerned with this situation and need help, but before I mention some specificities, I’ll bring an example of the “police help”.
REGARDING THE LAW: I am so happy for those, who can use this advise, but I cannot. SINCE NOW ON I AM GOING TO SOUND COMPLETELY CRAZY, but simultaneously and independently from those people, I happened to have a psycho, living in the apartment above me. POLICE BEHAVED EXACTLY, AS HE “PROMISED” – you contact the police, it’ll harm you more, then me. I HAD 2 WITNESSES, yet the DV ganged up against me. Even though, they created a case against him, as ‘criminal harassment’, because of witnesses and promised to remove him, if he doesn’t stop, when I called the second time, a year later!!! (didn’t bother them, despite the threats), the police prohibited me from ever calling them again!! BTW, all these in sadistic manner. From what I see, mainly, because they enjoy their power, not as much because they trust him. ….and this is what he meant, when he ‘warned’. He knows, how the “law” works. PLS, DON’T ATTACH THIS STORY TO YOUR SITUATION, AS THE ADVICE IN THE POST MAY BE OF HELP TO SOME.
Back to the ‘mob’ situation, I don’t have friends, as I arrived to this continent alone. I lost my family this Summer. THAT IS WHY I ACTUALLY DON’T CARE. GUYS, millions of psychos won’t be able to give this kind of pain, as you know. I just think, that it should be up to me to quit, not up to these creatures. So, there is no support. How they can smear me, if there is nobody? The only thing I had, I created a…to cut it short a ‘social justice’ movement, sort of, and have followers (no pay). My image is important to continue, as for the follower is not the same, as friend, can turn into an enemy, even good people get hooked on their manipulations, as you know. IN SUCH SITUATION, I CAN’T DO NC, HIDE, BECOME INVISIBLE, BECAUSE THIS IS EXACTLY THE SITUATION, WHEN THEY NEED TO CONTROL FOR ME TO DISAPPEAR, NOT ‘REACT’, NOT ‘MY EMOTIONS’. THEY NEED ME TO FEAR TO APPEAR. But if I do appear, they’ll do whatever they’ve been doing so far and what is described in the post,
please, advise on a….I don’t even know what to ask ….google a specialist in smear campaigns? alternative …what?? ..ANYTHIG YOU CAN THINK OF.
Thank you,
sorry was long, but I need.
Hi margot, I can feel the pain in what you write. I hope you are ok? Do you mind if I ask what country are you in? What type of accommodation do you live in? Is it privately rented from a landlord, or do you live in social housing? Or do you own your accommodation?
Im a male and ive just found out what has puzzeled and confused me all these years: shes a sociopath. When i stumbled upon this quiz one night ” are you dating a socsociopat?” and then the limk to “16 traits of a sociopath” I swear the hair on my neck stood on end. It fits to a T what I am dealing with and apparently will be for the rest of my life but at least I have an answer to the question: “am I nuts?” IM NOT!
I am also being targeted by an Internet smear campaign and I find the pain and humiliation of this almost unbearable. Every person I’ve ever known in my life, can now Google me and see it all. Police and lawyers won’t help, maybe lawyers will, but only if you have hundreds of thousands of dollars to spare… (I went to one about this.)
I also find that virtually no one can understand how painful this is, but I found this comment while searching the Internet to see if even anyone else could relate to my pain over this. I am so sorry this is happening to you, but thank you so much for sharing.
I can relate also to Margot’s story. It gets to the point where if I start talking about the massive smear campaign put out not just by the sociopath, but his flying monkeys, people look at me like I am delusional and imagining some non-existent persecution, or am exaggerating it. How could there possibly this many psychopaths out to destroy me? Well, turns out my ex-husband psychopath has loads of psychopath associates. So I don’t talk about it, I just suffer in silence.
Anyway, thank you positivagirl for writing on this subject, and thank you betrayedbeyondwords and Margot for sharing your stories. Right now this is the only thing that helps me cope with this.
Hi mindy, I understand. It is incredibly difficult to move on from. It still feels incredible to me, that before 2010, I had no idea that people so mean, spiteful, evil and vindictive existed. They don’t care they will say and do whatever they want, just to get to you. I know how painful it is, when your intentions are good, and construed as bad, and lies are told about you. You don’t deserve this and the more you fight back about it, the more you bring attention to it, the worse it becomes. I guess when you stop giving your energy to it, it should (hopefully die down), you need support and want to email me at datingasociopath@hotmail.co.uk I would love to support you, I have been through similar…. I know just how horrible it is.
Thank you, positivagirl, for listening.
In my case, the smear campaign is more an extortion campaign.
My socio ex-husband is a public figure, and 3 years ago I exposed him. I just told a simple story, left out all the really bad stuff, and only did it because things were so bad then, that I had nothing to lose. I don’t regret exposing him, he will never hurt another innocent, and I am proud of that. I then discovered he had 6 other ex-wives, and contacted them and learned he had done the same to them as he had to me. 3 of them published their stories basically to back up mine.
The smear campaign began against me almost immediately. It was horrible, and I knew no one who could relate to this. He immediately ended my career by doing this, but didn’t care. I eventually got used to all the smears on the Internet about me, but it started up again fresh this last few months – yesterday I discovered a new smear website that was particularly awful – publishing my private emails I wrote to the socio ex when very upset, and some other highly embarrassing personal things – plus, of course, a ton of lies.
This latest campaign is being explicitly done along with demands I remove anything about socio ex from the Internet, something I can’t do, because the stuff is on other people’s websites, not my own and plus no way would I take back my simple truthful story anyway.
It is illegal to extort someone this way, but I have been so thoroughly smeared to the local police by the socio and his many socio buddies that they don’t help me, but just the opposite.
My story, with the Internet smear campaign, massive smear campaign to the police is so bizarre that normal people don’t really believe me…
But the pain of the public humiliation of every one who has ever known me, personally or professionally, seeing the smears is the most unbearably painful part of this whole nightmare. It’s not like I can someday move to a new town and start over, cause the Internet is everywhere.
Currently I am being threatened that more and more personal and humiliating things will be put up, and so I am also overwhelmed with the fear of “what next?”
I have literally no one to talk to about this, which is why I am writing about it here.
Thanks for listening. I am also very much trapped and not free of socio ex. I lost everything: my career, all my money, but worst of all, I am completely disabled from health issues (made disabling from abuse). I am in a private nightmare and I am completely alone. I believe I will absolutely survive this and rebuild a new life, but some days are really difficult.
Mindy, I know that it seems that you are alone. I am just words on a screen. I am here, I am hearing you. I believe you, and not only do I believe you, I understand the pain, and the hurt that is in your heart, and the absolute hopelessness that you feel right now. Remember that sociopaths control you using FEAR…. when they cannot control you with fear, they have NOTHING. You know, do you know what is the beauty when you have lost EVERYTHING…. that there is NOTHING ELSE TO TAKE FROM YOU.
What else can they do? People who believe these lies and the smear campaign, are they worth your time? Perhaps it has done something good, to remove those people from your life, even if it is a devastating loss for you. The truth is that for those who believe in you, NOTHING that is said will change their view, and for those who do not, nothing you can say would change their negative view of you. Really even if you have to start again, it is worth losing those people out of your life.
So, who reads this website? I know that you have said that people could do a google search on you, if it is linking you via social media, then change your name on facebook and all of the links will change to that name and not yours!!
This is something that you can do. I have found that (as difficult as it is) to keep doing positive and to brush off the negative, can help to keep focused. Recovery I don’t know if you can fully make a recovery. I know that this seems like a nightmare that will never end, but please keep hope that it can and will improve. Do you have any friends left in your life? Or has he taken all of those too?
Yes, positivagirl, your ‘words on a screen’ are very real to me and it means so much to me you being here for me right now. This is why your blog is so very valuable. Usually it is enough for me just to read other’s words to feel like I’m not alone. Without the internet and people like you blogging about this, I don’t know what I would have done or how I would have made sense of any of this. As you know, people who have not experienced being the target of a sociopath cannot relate to just how bad it is.
It is more about people who know of me professionally. I had a good career prior to sociopath, and my name and work is still out there, and my name gets googled related to my work, and it’s the humiliation of that. Prior to sociopath I already had no family ties (in fact I learned from my socio experience that my only sibling was also a socio – I had already cut ties with her, but didn’t have a label for it then), and because I worked for over a decade in a high-stress, male-dominated career, I didn’t have time to make close friends. Which made me a perfect target for socio: lonely professional woman looking for love.
I do have some internet contact with old friends, and they don’t care about the smear campaigns, but it is more the people in my former profession. It is just unbelievably humiliating…. And although I have lost everything, they still have the power to humiliate me further, and I am merely human, humiliation hurts a lot…
Thank you so much for seeing my comment and responding. Just writing a comment here diffused some of the intensity of the pain I was feeling today. Having you care and respond, helps even more. I truly feel better and I am so grateful to you. You have helped me a lot ever since I found your blog.
Oh, and I moved across country (I’m in the U.S.) to marry the sociopath, so I have no one here for support. And no family or friends that I am close enough to where I could move to be near them to have support. And no money for paid support. The lack of support makes this so difficult. Again, that’s why, for me, your blog (and some others too) are a lifeline for me.
You guys always say how sociopaths treat life like a game but how do you treat life? What is life but a complicated game with confusing rules and lot of players with different goals?
No, its not seen as a game!!! I don’t see life as a game at all. I don’t see people as ‘players’ either. I do have goals, long term and short term goals, but others goals are no concern of mine.
This is where sociopaths and non sociopaths differ?
You react as though being a game reduces the meaning to life, do you think this? Others goals are of no concern to me either, they don’t even have to lose for me to win mine. Do you see player as offensive? I fail to see why you should complain. Anyway you never said how you think of life if it’s not a game.
Yes absolutely. Life isn’t a game. A strategy. People are not players in a game.
To me, life is a journey. I know that you are atheist, so you wouldn’t share my view. I believe that we are here for a reason. Its a journey. Its about progression, moving forward, growth, learning, teaching, sharing.
I bet you think that is stupid. But I think seeing it as a game is stupid, as in games someone has to win, and then the game is over and you have to start a new game all over again.
This to me sounds like hard work?
I don’t think life being a journey is stupid, I don’t see why it can’t be both to be honest, nobody has to win (some people choose to be competitive and win at all costs but that’s their choice). The game is only over when you die so it’s not start again (I don’t believe it is anyway). How is hard work bad? Perhaps gambling is a better description, life is a lot like poker I feel.
Well they do say that a lot of Sociopaths are poker players.
Last time i saw my ex he said ‘I want to be a professional poker player’….. I thought not with MY money 🙂
You know sometimes you can have a situation, where you really just CANT see it that way? It is like that. To me, seeing life as a game, means that I am playing a game. I am not (I could do, and did with the sociopath – I can translate the language, but it was hard work)… tiring….
It is like understanding a second language, I have to translate. That is how I see it.
Why make life more difficult, more complicated, more hard work than it actually is? This is what I don’t understand. Sociopaths go such a long way around things, and complicate things so much, it makes life more difficult than it needs to be.
Most normal (as I appreciate that there are other personality disorders), so I am referring to non personality disordered people, and sociopaths –
Most of them are aware that LIFE can throw in challenges,work, family, death, finances, divorce, debt
All of those usual things that can make challenging enough. So it doesn’t make logical sense why the sociopath has to make life any more difficult than it needs to be.
I think that is why after a while people do detach from the sociopath for their own sanity, as its damn hard work living in a sociopath world. Make more problems than you need to. If you just ‘be’ and ‘trusted’ that all would be well….. you wouldn’t need a strategy.
A game simplifies it to me. Things very rarely are well, hence people with strategies generally come out on top. Interesting what you say about translation, that’s how I feel when trying to understand emotions of others and how they will react.
The Sociopath that was in my life saw life a game as well. He played life games. Which I was the looser. ( I didn’t know I was playing ) I don’t see life as a game. Life is a real, people are real and not toys to be used of others advantage. I care for others and try to help them if I can.
What if the socio is also the police as well as from a family that mirrors the same behaviors and covers up the socios true nature? Work is truly a reflection of their family and covering things up is their job. Subtle attacks are made constantly by their friends and family (usually pertaining to private conversations we had together. Clearly distorted to other ppl afterward), but of course any and everything is denied including those private details hidden in subtle attacks. In fact its ridiculous that I could even think of asking about something like that according to them. Any advice on handling/leaving it all?
Can you not just walk away from the sitiuation or is this impossible to do?
I cant thank you enough for posting this.U saved my life.
This blog is saving my sanity.
It is almost unreal to describe what one feels after such and experience with a master mind.
A year later I am still puzzled how we can get into such a dream catcher and tie ourselves in notes… girls, it is about us. and we should use this blog to talk about us and dig deep inside to why we found ourselves in such a mesh.
This subject fascinates me beyond words. The mind. how we operate, what drives us, how can we master the art of living a good life and why we don;t do that.
Just thought to share it with you. If we got caught in such a game, we were part of the game and if they mirrored us for good they did also for all the ugliness which is within one and each of us.. so how can we purify ourselves.. I see them as angles who dropped into our lives to teach us amazing lessons. Detox, diet, do Kundalini yoga, treat your body like a temple, rub it in good oils, start to connect your yourself to what made you who you are and love that. what a life.
My heart is aching as I myself go through rebuilding my broken self, I did, I broke myself. I allowed that to happen. WHY? Let’s use this blog to empower ourselves.
So thankful to find this site. I’m two months removed from a relationship with a man that I now have accepted was/is a legitimate sociopath. I came to this realization by reaching out to the woman he cheated on me with and the reason I finally walked away. She had figured him out in less than a month and encouraged me to look up the signs & characteristics so that I could move on and stop thinking there was anything I could have done to deserve this. I am embarrassed that, as a mental health professional, I never recognized the signs along the way for nearly 9 months. I tried to end the relationship a few times but he would always end up making me feel like the crazy one and somehow I’d be the one at the end of the conversation begging & appeasing and doing whatever it took to keep HIM. Unreal when I look back on it. I could go on and on about the actual con but, really, I’ve read enough of these heart-felt testimonies today to know that they all have the same essential elements and we all got played in the same hand.
What continues to nag at me though is at the heart of this post … the ruination. The day I finally exposed that he was cheating and reached out to the other woman, she forwarded my message to him, he started threatening me, humiliating me and demeaning me via text messages. It lasted for six hours before I finally called the police. They didn’t take me very seriously and said a restraining order wouldn’t do much but give me a 15 day window of relief while they “investigated” the threat but without an actual physical threat, it wouldn’t be upheld. They told me to change my number and move on with my life but they did call him and, though I don’t know exactly what was said (but I assume he was blaming it all on me bc I heard the cop telling him the same story about the restraining order), the texts did stop after that and I haven’t heard a peep from him in two months now. I have blocked him on all social sites but he actually blocked me on one site before I could block him. I often worry (to the point of mild paranoia) that he probably secretly unblocks me without my knowledge, monitors my life periodically and re-blocks me again. I can’t prevent this in any way but to disable my account which, in the non-paranoid moments, I’m not interested in doing.
More than the awful, soul-crushing, confidence-killing comments he sent me … it’s the threats he made in those texts though have been haunting me and ignited a burning, sickness-inducing fear that he will decide at some point to make good on his threats and “fucking destroy” me. I don’t know what this would look like since he really doesn’t know any of my friends or family but he could go after my career, knowing that is the only thing he could possibly touch that would hurt me. A lie told to the right people and I would likely be unemployable for life. I worry about this incessantly. I also worry that, even though it’s crazy, he could be monitoring this site, know this post is me and know that he still has control. How do we make that fear go away? Is that even possible?
I understand that I exposed him as a fraud to a woman that he had already targeted to replace me. I know I poked the bear in the zoo. I didn’t realize he was pathologically damaged until this past week and reading all of these things about psychopathy. I just don’t know how to protect myself now.
Also, sorry for writing a book there. It just came gushing out…
Very true this.
Key to experience is to understand when this is happening. As a young man I didn’t realise.
Understand the sociopath will use other “dysfunctional” personalities to do their dirty work. They rarely attack direct especially initially.
My experience is with a female sociopath.
SEX is a tool. Not necessarily with you. With others. Its to gain patronage to reinforce control. Its also poor impulse control from them. My sociopath slept with three male coworkers. Thats not normal. She blamed framed shamed me. Encouraging bullies to attack me. Often without words. By implication.
The only way to “win” is to know when to cash in your chips. Early and when ahead.
No contact is a winning strategy.
People probably think crap of me for the bullies and the sociopath went out their way to damage my reputation. Breaches of the data protection act maliciously by management. The sociopath was very powerful with the pity play. Obviously. Keeping things quiet and hidden becomes the agenda.
The truth always comes out eventually. However.
I will put a million pounds that the female sociopath eventually ends up divorced from the third coworker. Why?
Boredom and the mask will eventually slip even if it takes 30 years. Its their nature despite what they portray. They think theyre above you. They think they’re above everyone.
Just be thankful they’re not your problem. Living well is the best revenge…
I intend to serve mine cold. The sociopath can fume. Every success i have is a slap in her face. My bank balance loves it to. Let her try it on now or her cronies … the lawyer will like that !!!
I gotta agree with you on some parts there. My stbxP always finds a new target to slander me and call and cuss me out and these women don’t even know me. His latest gf/target also happens to be a psychopath as well. It pisses them off when they call and harass cuz I start hysterically laughing at them both:) I know that’s one thing they hate because they’re expecting you to breakdown and cry. Fucks their head up
I definitely know about the “smear campaign” experience, at the hands of a marketing professional. I dated someone who trawled the internet for days to find dirt on me after we broke up and when she found out that I was dating again. She accused me of many things, to people who knew me and on internet sites where I had posted, and accused me of heinous criminal activity. I put a whole lot of “gone” between us, explained my side of the story to some who had been misled, and asked one site to ask her to stop harassing me. She was supposedly a bit surprised that I did not want to hang out with her again.
Contact the law? My sociopath is the law and gets away with everything. Now what?
You need to keep records of EVERYTHING Lisa. If necessary seek legal advice. As you know he will likely turn it around on you. Do you have friends/family around to support you? Or has he pushed all of them out of your life?
So What do you do in the midst of a damaging smear campaign? Take it lying down? These people aren’t stupid. They won’t do anything illegal. They’ll just use smear. Is there an offensive strategy?
I did write a post Pete, how to get even. I had to do this when the threats, intimidation, humiliation, abuse and showing up at my door yelling – threatening to call work etc… emails to people wouldn’t stop. Calling police did little and I didn’t know how to stop it. So I did what I wrote in that post – it takes a lot of energy but it did work.
Good grief, this is mental. I’m acutely aware that no one – no one – could understand my predicament, unless you have been bitten. I’m a tough guy, but watching friends and work colleagues swallow the lies and turn their backs is really tough and heartbreaking. Like you, I have studied spaths extensively. I understand them, I just don’t understand how people can blindly imbibe their lies, despite their own experiences! Almost makes you loose faith in humanity. This is the part i’m trying to solve right now and seems like a loosing battle. Thanks for your reply and your website. It’s great.
ps: its amazing reading other people’s remarks (including your articles), and how you can relate to very specific behavioural traits. Your right: we know way more about spaths than psychologists. lol.
thanks for your very informative blog, six months since separating with a sociopath she is still playing her games
Thank you and welcome to the site ari!! 🙂
My female sp ( of six weeks now) moved into my small town, very small town…I am the mailman here…she was homeless and I knew her from 25 years ago…so I tried to help her out, fell in love with her…I won’t go into it but it was a sick disaster…she totally got off on humiliating me in my own house…I got her a job at a local store…finally and thank god , I threw her out…she is working still at the local store after getting an apartment here with her new mark (he is 18, she 43!)…and of course is doing a huge smear campaign on me…every guy in town seems to want to get in her pants…she uses that store and those guys to spread the most awful things about me in this small village…just bizarre…it has been very hard…but I decided to rise above…anyone who wants to believe her bs can…those who know me know the truth…and the guys hoping for a chance with her just have no clue via how totally destructive she can and will be…they can have her…I have detoxed from her sick virus and altho it has been a helluva ride, fell so much the better for having gotten her outta my life…whatever sick story that is going to play out with her ain’t mine any more…
I am in this exact situation right now… and i am emotionally drained.. He has now threatened to send out all (very) personal information to all of my 700 FB contacts if I dont talk to him… so I agreed.. what is probably stupid… but i dont know how else to stop him from sending this out….
I went through this and he DID send it to people (emails) – I still haven’t recovered from that. But – now he knows that he has this hold over you – so it will be more demands – I found that in the end my real friends would love me anyway – and other people well it was a blessing that they had left my life. What are you going to do the next time that he threatens you?
I am in a very bad situation with my sons father, a sociopath. He has managed to use my weaknesses, addiction, to get my son removed from me for the moment. He has done a very extensive smear campaign on me. When I removed him from my home, he said that if I did not take him back, he would bury me. Well he has. Now I am terrified that he will keep me away from my only love, my son. There was so much damage done before I knew anything about it that it seems I will never clear my name. As many know, CFS acts and you get to defend later. I do not know where to get help. Any suggestions ?
Hi Kim, when you say that he has had his son removed from you, what do you mean by this? Do you mean by social services and the state? If so, I probably could offer advice as I worked extensively with this in my job for many years (child protection cases and working with those who had addictions). I am unsure if this is what you mean though? If you would like to discuss this personally by email – please do email me datingasociopath@hotmail.co.uk
Wish I had read this a few months ago. I did almost everything I shouldn’t have that you have listed when mine went on a smear campaign, publically, accusing me of threatening his child etc…and many other things. I haven’t had any contact with him since July when I told him he had best take the slander off his public FB page. He removed it but on HIS terms. Made me wait all day until he got off of work when he could have done it right them. Guess it had to be when he wanted to do it. Oh well! We have some mutual friends too that I feel I need to remove from my FB as one of them who, like a dummy, I confided in and he “liked” my exes smear status about me. WTF! My ex sent me a “forward” about filling his memory bank and thank you etc…It wasn’t a personal email but a “forward” from someone he had also received it from on Oct 28th. I didn’t respond. He sent it to me and 8 other women (one being his ex wife of 10 years) and 1 man and the rest women. Imagine that. LOL One thing I still do and can’t for the life of me stop is look at his FB page. His daughter (12) follows me on twitter so the day she started following me, he created a twitter account but never uses it. I deactivated it a couple days ago but then reactivated it. Why should I let him control me and force me to stop my life. I don’t post personal things on my twitter. All the people I confided in have pretty much turned their backs on me. I think they do think I am crazy because honestly, I would if I were them. 😦 Oh-well. No one understands at all. So, I don’t talk about it anymore. Just write in a journal and cry now and then. I am 46 years old and I was so in love with who he portrayed himself to be..soul mate, thought it was going to be forever and at my age, it’s hard to find someone. He caught me 3 months after my divorce. I struggle every day even though it’s been over for almost a year. I still miss him a lot, sometimes wish he would contact me. I moved 1800 miles away 3 months after we broke so we aren’t even close to each other now.
Thanks for this website. Just wish I had found it much sooner. I’m not sure if he is a true spath but he has almost all traits as well as many traits of a narc and is emotionally unavailable, so don’t know what his issue really is but he sucked the life out of me.
They have the ability to suck the life out of you so that you feel like an empty shell. Ruining and smear campaigns are horrible. But most of the time this is Just to make them feel big and strong. Pathetic isn’t it? I saw it as akin to a teen kicking off at it’s parent the inner rage and anger was horrible.
Female sociopaths are the absolute worse. Left me when I was doing bad and now she wants me back because I’m doing well. Told the church all kinds of lies when I wouldn’t talk to her. Craziness to the tenth power
The police, in Ireland anyway, are not much use against a female sociopath. People have difficulty seeing people as sociopaths and especially women. It is presumed almost automatically, in some cases just immediately, that the male is the predator. In the face of a track record of her lying, and even with people she has lied about, they will say “that’s just your opinion”, or that it’s “tit for tat”….. in fact even making the accusation puts suspicion on you just because you are male a lot of the time.
My sociopath assaulted me on Oct. 30th. I have temporary protect order. Trial Nov. 26th. He has terrorized other women. He started a campaign of terror on my life. Posed as federal IRS agent and turned me in for operating a small business to my zoning board. I took down my sign and can continue to operate. Question is do I call him out in court for posing as federal agent, or will this just fuel the fire so to speak. The judge in one pre trial said to go to the district court and file for cyber stalking, and harassment. I want him to STOP. Don’t want him to get by with this, but don’t want to engage either and continue the threats. Judge told me to do a cease and desist letter, then file criminal charges. He has now been served, and will probably come to court. His last victim told me he showed up.
Anyone have any thoughts? He extorted me for more money last month and threatened me for 6 figures. I gave him $2000 and told him that was it. HELP!!!
Hi Deb, first of all do NOT give him any money. YES YES YES REPORT HIM!!!! Try not to display ANY emotions to him. Be a blank canvas (this is why no contact is so effective). It sounds as if you are frightened, remember that they manipulate with fake love, and control through fear. So it is very important not to display any emotions at all. BLOCK HIM from every part of your world. Facebook – Email, phone, text. I know that you will likely want to hear from him if he is dangerous to see what he is going to do next. I do understand this, so if you do not block him, don’t read things he sends you. Do not look at his social networking sites. Use the police – and make sure that you report him. Stop playing the game with him. Even if he does soemthing, if it comes under harassment – call the police give him NO response at all. This is what he is looking for.
yes, no response. this is always the best tactic and takes the sociopaths power away, this pisses them off. But not responding is doubly appropriate for you. Total blank, record everything, messages etc. block his number/change yours and e mail.
If you cannot prove he posed as a federal agent, without a doubt, don’t do it. You will look delusional.
You cannot actively do anything to get him back, but you can passively. Not caring, or appearing not to care and be beyond anything he can do is good for you and really gets him.
I thought it was over with the smear against me, but 9 months on, it’s begun again.. Got an email from her hubby asking me an odd question about putting vids of me and the socio online.. I told him I hadn’t.. Later I messaged the socio’s sister and she has being accusing me of putting vids up of us having sex on porn sites… That’s after 9 months of no contact.. I don’t have any emotional response to her crap anymore, but it’s funny that she hasn’t given up yet. I think it’s the fact I destroyed her world by exposing her so completely
Wow see they will have another try if they can. You sound like you are much stronger now. You realise it’s a lie let them carry on. Its just for attention playing the game. No doubt playing victim to her husband. So pathetic. Good to see you are not allowing it to affect you same way. Progress!! 🙂
My ex sp has been telling everyone around town that I am stalking her and planning to kill her…this three and a half months after I threw her out…of course, I haven’t gone near her and have kept up a total no contact front…but telling folks that, especially to other men, future or current victims, plays right into their sympathy…it has taken me awhile to see clearly and not be so confused but I finally understand it isn’t so complicated at times…actually, once the penny drops their actions become pretty clear…
Just be careful and protect yourself. You know how the crazy evil can sometimes convince others to do their bidding for them. If she can get some guy to believe her tale, you could be at risk. After all, you recognize her for what she really is.
Thanku postiva.. I’m thinking it is related to her hubby, and she needs some attention again.. Definate progress 😀 When I last posted here with a name I can’t remember I was a complete mess., thanks for the blog really has helped big time 🙂
I love to see people get strong heal recover and move on 🙂 thing is it is not about their behaviour. It is how you respond to their behaviour. You can’t change anyone else _ but you can change you 🙂
Got protect order enforced for one year in my state and town. Next day he served me emergency protect order in his state and town. Charged me with stalking, harassment, fear of bodily harm, assault, phone calls all time of day and night, contacting business people, friends, tenants, and customers with false statements and harassing him. These are all the things he did to me. He agreed to protect order in my state, but I let him off on abuse charges. I took lawyer with me and she negotiated prior to court. I guess we both underestimated him. Just wanted him to go away. Now he has charged me. I did none of the things he stated. My background is pristine, his is not. He has many tax liens, civil cases for debts owed, and other restraining orders from other women. Afraid I will pay for another lawyer (he lives 2 hrs. away), we will show up for court, and he will not show up or have dropped the charges. He is just trying to jerk me around, cost me attorney fees, and further harass me. He was calling me as many as 30 times a day before I served him with papers. He used code before calling me to wipe his phone number from my phone bill. When will this all stop??? HELP!!!
Am sorry you are going through this deb. What a nightmare. The sociopath loves to stay In control and to win. It’s all a game to them, but it isn’t when it’s your money paying for it. It felt to me like the money pit. Throwing good money after bad. Can you afford to keep doing what you are? He is just mirroring you. Like always using the law to manipulate and control you. I am just sorry it’s costing you money.
He is just hacked off as he is losing control. I bet it Is burning him that he can’t contact you oh and if he Is calling using withheld number? Police can track that number.
All phone company’s should have a HARD company of your bill somewhere, in long form. You may have to go there in person and request it sent someplace safe, your attorneys office, maybe? I am sorry. I too have been the dancing chicken, in the same “let’s ruin your good name and reputation just for fun!” game!!, (cost me lots of $$ in attorneys fees over the years). Just when you think you snuffed the flame and took the wood and matches away, some how your back up on stage, and dancing like a fool and the flame is cranked up hotter than the last time!! And you have to pretend your feeling nothing, if you have any emotion. They GOTCHA! I don’t know about you, but I have learned restrained, (trust me, it’s NOT in my character, at all), I am publicly quite good at it. These people study and watch people, it’s their art! They know everything about you. So in public you must be restrained, unemotional and cold. They will move on. Best of luck!
NIBSIH xoxo.
I need help with this one. If you have sociopathic ex and are unable to get rid of the person out of your life, what can you do? This ex would harass me and stalk on me, try to dig for everything that he can pick up on me. He uses threats if he doesnt get his way and keep on it until I am worn out…
I once had a restraining order and it did work, but it wasn’t the end of story. He thought filling for the court order means “I’m hooked with his game” and then he created a clever story, made up crazy false testimony and such, to fight against me. His accusation was complete lie however, the lie was amazing and I had to spent everything for that basically… that all my hard earned money went to the lawyer and even my private time was interfered by harrassment.
What can I do? it seems that I can only give in and let him harass, is the only way. *I have a child in common so general avoidance doesnt work.
This is a tough one orihime, if you have a child together and need to have contact for the childs sake.
All that you can do is treat it as a business transaction. Never display emotion to them. You make sure that you are the one in control and in charge, and never waiver from this as you are the one looking out for the interests of the child.
You set the rules, You set the boundaries, You set the guidelines. Always in the interest of the child. That he needs to follow.
I know how it is that they wear you down, with the threats, manipulation, control, on and on until you break. It is so hard, imagine a difficult customer at work. (perhaps this was just my work, but i worked with difficult clients) it was hard to switch off emotions, but I had to sometimes.
Never give him information that is the truth about your life, this way if he tries to threaten you – he isn’t affecting your life and he is the one who looks stupid.
You can take back control, right now he is winning as he is seeing the fear in you. Only speak to him about the child. Arrange firm boundaries of dates when he can see the child, if he misses that, tough. Don’t pander to his needs, pander to your childs needs, he/she is the child, not him.
If it gets tough and you feel like you are being sucked back into his drama again – think business, and what is in the best interests of the child. Don’t listen to his lies that you are a bad parent, and you are stopping your child from seeing their father. If you set firm boundaries he has to comply and this gives you more leverage and control.
The reality is, truly, that “normal” people are just as immoral/amoral ! – That is why they don’t see the “psycho”, moreover they admire/envypsychos !
Erm – NO Robert, I neither envy or admire Psychos… I do feel sorry for you though. Must be frustrating running around in circles, to me that is rather boring. I guess that is why you struggle with boredom. Must be like ‘groundhog day’.
Am I to understand that people admire Sociopaths. From what I went through and am still dealing with the disaster what my life has become. I trusted and cared for another person, even his family. I don’t hurt people and I don’t like others hurt. I opened myself up and another person set out to make sure I has a horrible life.
No people do not admire sociopaths. I don’t. I don’t hate them either, they cause a lot of damage and carnage to others lives…. Sometimes with effort and often without even trying it’s who they are.
In the beginning of this post you wrote: “The sociopath is still playing the game when he is carrying out ruining and smear campaigns, and will not stop until you are destroyed”.. This is now the stage I am at after a little over a month out of my relationship. I don’t want to be destroyed and he is not doing anything defined as “criminal” to have him arrested or for the authorities to get involved. He has gone to my family and plead the victim role and several members have now “befriended” him on social media even after I have tried to explain the situation and asked them not to. He is doing this so he can still get to me. I have him blocked on everything. The more efforts I make to push back and have NO CONTACT the more he seems to push forward. Any suggestions?
Please keep in mind perspective! I witness these labels getting passed around too much. If you feel inferior anyone is a narcissist, for example. If you are hypersensitive, many will have no remorse and empathy, for example.
I have been able to gain information from the perspective of the ones acting on the calculated smears. All these bully labels from psychology are used just as that, smears.
Every definition of this fantasy icon has no causation. There is no defect or significant physical detected imbalance in the human anatomy, for these fantasy icons. Everyone has their own variation. The descriptions are ambiguous, open to confirmation bias and impression. There is no causation or existing defect to even create a logical grouping of symptoms. The ‘symptoms’ are also being assumed based off bias impression of what one alleges someone did. The ‘symptoms’ are ambiguous criteria derived from a persons impression.
Actually, it is only the victims or patients, so to speak, that list the signature and very specific traits and MO’s of these types. You can asses David Parker Ray’s psych brainwash manual, as a start. Many of these types, are ‘counselors’. There is a reason why the ‘counselors’ fail to expose the MO’s and signature traits, along with adding vague and ambiguous ‘symptoms’ that can even be applied to the victim or people who are not these types.
Again, they are the types that are fixated on what things appear to be. As long as something appears to be something, all is ok. Truth and reality does not matter, it’s what things appear to be.
“It will appear the she/he is ‘mentally unstable” but really it was me that took advantage of their vulnerability and if they keep taking those pills they will be an entire object that represents me. I can also use that object after my ‘treatment’ really sets in, and write about them as if I am the competent god of the mind, and get more status gain”.-nurser of the mind.
These types gain sense of control by controlling others with emotions and private sensitive knowledge about them. Approval and other mind games are a big lever for them. They are more passive and patient with their MO’s. (Slow, steady, prolonged-passive, secretive, well planned) They gain the levers and control through talking and or counseling. They tend to keep it like a secret control. They like little secrets and like you to ‘read in between the lines, so to speak. The most deceptive of these types are woman, as they have more orbital frontal lobe tissue to modulate amygdala, way less testosterone and don’t have the same alpha male drives as men. Pity and sympathy tends to be more assumed, with woman and less suspicious. Most of our serious male killer tortures, were seriously brainwashed and dictated by their mother. The Gaines case is one of many examples. Gaines was a ‘patient’ vehicle of his mother.
Although, men do this too.
What your likely dealing with is arrested development which is usually at a cut off between 10-15 and your more grown, practiced, calculating and more methodical middle school bully.
I think the label (sociopath, bipolar etc.) becomes a problem. They get smeared on just about anyone.
The MO is the signature and cannot be stepped on anyone. Gas-lighting is too vague, as the real victim will accuse the perpetrator of the many things. Therefore, ‘accuse accuse accuse’.
In reality the smear effect is primarily what you imagine is happening from it. In reality, in many cases people will pass gossip about you and you don’t know. It’s the same thing but you know. Only one who confirms is at the level and they still know their insecurity and or cowardice aided confirmation bias. Any followers are a free extermination.
Be grateful !
This isn’t true though – as the smear campaign is often based on lies. It is in your head that you think that it is just what you imagine? It isn’t imagined it is real. Often the sociopath accusing you of what they are guilty of themselves. Or using a thread of truth, missing out the real truth, and replacing this with lies.
There is no need for this. Why cause humiliation, hurt, shame to someone that you so say care about? Why do that? Why hurt someone – just because?
It is also DUMB and STUPID as what if you change your mind and want to be with that person, AFTER the ruining and smear campaign? Really …. it would never work, so the smearer has really affected themselves not just themselves. That to me, is not too smart.
great article so helpful thank you so much!
Welcome Renata
to all ..NO CONTACT with them or their families( who by the way will call off and on to tell you HE/she loves you and wants to make things right) whatever!
I was extorted by my now estranged husband, monitored (while he used me as a cover to deal drugs) AND TRANSPORT. I was so blind. ….
His sister was in on this. I always wondered why she would come over to the house even after my husband said he really didnt want her over. BECAUSE they were video recording me and taping all conversations -phone and laptop probably.
I finally rcvd a Protective order from the state we WERE living in at the time. I packed and ran like hell-lucky i had a car.
Never looked back.
DA in my new state is conversing with teh Prosecutor in the “old state” as well as they have my phone as evidence of cyber stalking , pornographic msgs and photos, extortion, illegal monitoring of home.
I know now this was planned from the start-we have been married for 7 years.
Im exhausted mentally. Im sure that was only ONE of the intentions.
Resectfully,
Barely breathing…
My experience is indeed unique. Although hesitant I fell for it all & now am being further victimized.
I was targeted, avidly pursued, and succumbed to the ultimate bamboozling. He was “perfect”, showered me with attention, spoiled me and “was” by far, the best guy I had ever dated. It is still impossible for me to deny that he didn’t feel real love for me. He showed it like no other, but once I defied his wishes (planned a trip to Hawaii with old friends that he warned if I did go we would never be together) & subsequently discovered he had another life with his “ex” girlfriend whom he would pick up after leaving me in the wee hours of the morning EVERY day (like 3 a.m.) and sometimes even returning. While I was in Hawaii he robbed me of all my heirloom jewelry. I am not trusting of police and that is THE LAST avenue or option for me, and even more so for him as he was/is on parole. He has a penchant for stealing things from one girlfriend and gifting it to another – this was revealed as was a previous history of the same. Some checks were stolen from my room mates and when summoned for handwriting analysis the day I returned from Hawaii, I was held for questioning in”another case”. My guy sold diamond earrings that apparently were stolen from another girlfriends mother and I was on camera in the jewelry store alongside him. At the time I was not yet aware my own jewelry was missing. I din’t discover it until after he was arrested for the diamond earrings. I proceeded to write him and try to appeal to the “him” I knew to return my heirloom items. Even after a priceless ring was recovered from a pawn shop I still refused to press charges. He served 30 days and bailed out only to file civil harassment restraining order against ME! His complaint is full of lies, big shocker and has no merit. However, I was never served and he forged proof of service and the order WAS GRANTED before I ever had knowledge of it! Now the order is in effect and I am plagued with the expensive and daunting task of having to fight it AFTER THE FACT. He is still facing the case of the stolen diamond earrings and I was subpoenaed to testify, which I reluctantly did, and which is how I found out about the restraining order. All of the resources of the court available helped him, based on his ridiculous claims and there is no assistance available for me to respond or rectify the situation. It is truly a travesty and instead of being able to move on from the 6 months of lies and living a lie, I am forced to defend myself against lies that damage my reputation, professionally and personally in a court of law! After 3 months I am further from “moving on” than I was the first day the life of lies came crashing in. Just know, NOTHING is beneath a psychopath. But if I had been honest with myself and my intuition in the little things that I let go of during the “relationship” I would have recognized that things were not as they seemed or as he presented. Be careful of what seems too good to be true because if it seems as such, it probably is.
Sounds like being in an absolute nightmare. All conducted, and brought to play by him. Ugh, they do it deliberately this is what hurt me the most. How they do it deliberately to turn your world upside down, to make your life, as destroyed and ruined as they and their own lives are.
Smear Campaign from someone under the alias “Pasqualie Francisco”
All I did to this poor ego, is send him an email as a joke, but it hurt him so much, he has now engaged in a smear campaign against me. I told him one of my favorite disturbing movies is called A Serbian Film and he now has posted 100’s of messages about me being a pedophile, when I am not. Along with other deceiving false info about me.
Beware of this guy, his real name is Tonny, not sure what his last name is, I’d like to have him investigated, if anyone is willing to donate money to the cause to help, it would be much appreciated.
His smear attempts can be found on the TRUTHCONTROL.COM website.
I have been suffering the payback of a sociopath for 9 months now and unless you live it, people never understand and only now following the latest threat have the police finally seen the danger I am in. After many years of an on / off relationship where like many others have mentioned, i would somehow be the one apologising and asking him back, I woke up and threw him out for good. So ensued the last 9 months of hell. i went No Contact and I mean NO Contact. He broke into my property causing damage , then made vil threats to kill me and my children, threatened to poison my dogs, spilled every secret I had ever told him regarding friends and family by writing letters to them or their husbands detailing everything. He then systematically wrote to my children’s schools and then my employers and then the police and even the local papers. Fortunately for me no one believed his lies and eventually i secured a non molestation order where for 6 weeks he went quiet. Then he turned back up sat outside my new partner’s property and it all started again despite no reaction from anyone. he began a rampage on facebook stating the most vile lies including claiming my father raped me as a child and my son was born addicted to heroin. He then began to say vile things about my new partners deceased wife all of which were also untrue and then in the last 3 weeks, my property has been trashed, my car damaged, any ex partner of mine has been stalked and threatened and then this accumulated to vast amounts of rat poison being mixed with dog food and left all around the outside of my house. By sheer fluke, my dogs were not killed as I spotted it first. Since day one I have reported everything to the police, in general to little avail but following the rat poison things have been taken very seriously. I live in genuine fear for my life, have had to change everything about my life and believe he will not stop until he finds a new supply. I have done nothing to antagonise him as have stuck whole heartedly to the NO contact. The police are now searching for him as the 6 week break was due to him waiting to move house where he thought no one could find him before continuing. They have promised me he will be charged with harassment this time and are going to fit CCTV to my property. However my fear is all this will enrage him further especially if he is sent to prison and that he will try and attack my children to get to me.
Luckily I have good friends and as a genuine person they know there is not an ounce in truth in regards to the things he says and have stood by me, as have my employers etc. but it is truly devastating to live this way. i spent Xmas eve sat up behind my fron door with a knife in my hand, convinced he was coming to ruin xmas day. he didnt but I was on edge all day. i am on edge everywhere I go. i have found little on the internet to offer support when you have already completed NO contact and it hasnt helped. I literally feel like I will spend the rest of my life looking over my shoulder as no matter what sentence he receives, he will only be angrier. My only hope is him moving away or securing a new supply and at 52 and an ego which means he will only settle for someone a lot younger and way out of his league I dont think this will happen. Has anyone else completed No contact and things still havent improved?
Aragh i just wrote you a long comment on here caz. Lost it aragh. I hear you. No contact did not work for me either. It made it worse. I wrote a post a few years ago how to get your own back…. it worked for me. At the time i had nothing left to lose. Mind you he went on a ruining and smear campaign again in 2015.
I can say. I was you. After years of it. Where in 2014 i went back to him as it was easier… eventually it did stop. Actually at the end of 2015. I had the last laugh and walk into 2016 free from him. He will never have power over me or my life again.