I thought that I would raise this as a separate post. I know that a lot of male victims of female sociopaths also read this site. I received this comment today on the post of ‘female sociopath’. I thought I would share it here as a post.
Does anyone have any thoughts or comments?
Hi Positivegirl, great article.
I myself am a female sociopath and saw a lot of truth in your words but a lot of what you say does not apply to me personally. I will agree that when the game is on the woman has it easier but when society clicks on it is a lot more difficult to get around the problem because it is all the more shocking when it is a woman. People are a lot less forgiving of us when we do get caught.
I have no interest in finding a man to take care of me and give me money, I can do these things for myself whilst giving the impression that I am a moral person that is not a user. I find going to work so much easier than the housewife role, I detest being in that situation.
I will sheepishly look at the floor if anyone asks about the relationship to manipulate people into thinking I am a victim whist at the same time refusing to accept if someone tries to buy me a drink. My favorite impession to give is strong woman, confused.
What I look for in a man is excitement and adoration. I like them to be like lapdogs. I want to destroy all aspects of thier life so that I am all that’s left and the centre of their world.
I don’t like them leading thier own lives. I will engineer situations until I am entirely in control and then spend all of my time paranoid that they will tell someone that can see me for who I really am.
I am violent and volitile, but only behind closed doors. I enjoy watching men cry because they do not understand what is happening. I like watching them flinch if a good looking woman comes on the tely and smile all the more if they know I would do her too. I do have a very high sex drive but hide it well from society because, again, I want to give an impression of being normal.
I am a sexual predator. I am guilty of drugging men that act as if they might say no and pressurising them… I don’t like taking no for an answer. I love it all the more if they are unexperienced and I can be the teacher. Nerds are the best, always grateful for taking their virginity and oblivious to what’s going on. Don’t get me wrong, dangerous men are my favorite thrill, I love when they think they are in control.
I like women too but am just a little too afraid of that female intuition that would get in the way of my plans. I have seen the film Monster (ggod to watch if you are interested in female sociopaths) and know that could have been me if I had just a little less fear of the law.
I cannot bear responsibilities. Outside of the houe I will conform and do a good job at my employment but it is just for impression management. I detest housework, children, compromise… All the tings that are expected from a good little woman.
The funny thing is women are always telling me that they wish thier son would get a nice good girl like me and even try to set me up with them. It might be my big blue eyes and long lashes.
I am a home wrecker. If a woman sees me for what I am or is a threat in anyway I will make it my plan to sleep with her husband. Even a small offence like getting too close to me or wanting to spend time with me can have repercussions if it is not what I want.
I do not regret many of the things I have done but I reget that I am this way. I envy your empathy. I would give up all of my thrills to be the sort of person that can relax with no mask. I am just a shell. >>>>>> A shell with a pretty exterior and no chance of ever changing. <<<<<<
Thank you for the break from pretense, and guys, I hope this helps you to ruin the plans of my fellow female socios.
108 thoughts on “Thoughts written by a female sociopath!”
I wish I could give her my Soc’s address etc…I think she would be good for him & he would get what he deserves ;0)
I know I feel the same way, that would teach that spath, see how he likes. Lol, shoe on the other foot.
This sounds like BS her recognition of her condition and regret for “being this way” makes her sound like she has some sort of regret for being a predator. These people do not have these types of feelings and they feel they are right and the rest of the world are just deluded suckers put on this earth for there use.
I have so much to say:
First, thanks for being as honest and as open as you are capable of being, but you revealed nothing that none of us are surprised by. It’s just that some of us choose not to believe a person can’t change and is really this dark and twisted. I believe. I saw it with my own f*#king eyes and felt it in my heart. I wholeheartedly know you can’t change and that people like you really exist. Thanks for the further validation.
Second, I don’t pity you or wish you well. I hope you choose to stop, but I know that won’t happen. I pity everyone who encounters you.
Third, Eileen (a.k.a. Monster) was not a sociopath. She was a trauma victim who chose crime to seek justice for the crimes against her. Sociopaths do not have a reason for behaving as they do. Sociopaths don’t have a conscience; that’s reason enough for you: no reason; just being. It’s the nature of a sociopath.
Fourth, I am a smart, beautiful and intelligent woman. My weakness is my emotions and my conscience. I’ll take that any day over what you don’t have. As for my husband ever being tempted by someone like you, I give my husband much more credit in his ability to discern trash from treasure. All you can “get” are men who are either too young to know better or too horny to care. Pussy is pussy to men. Sociopath or not, your pussy gets you sex nothing else. Sending another sociopath your way will just fulfill you both with supply. My conscience gets me love. But love is a dirty word to you, huh?
Hehe! Again, very entertaining. Thanks.
Paula, this is phenominal, Trash from Treasure 🙂 was truly a brilliant statement! No one could have said that better. Love it. Its so true to. Did you come across the post I put up that an male spath wroe? Its on one of the blogs from last week. Great job Paula, Love ans Peace..
Thank you Paula. Your reply was honest and forthright. Those of us that have healed, or are finally realizing who we have dealt with, agree with you, but you have written it beautifully.
Yep,spot on once again Paula ;0)
Soc’s are crappy people so,back to the crapper they go….Big flush!
Ahh (big sigh of relief)….now that’s better ;0)))
wow, way to help. You people are horrible, you are mocking people who cannot help themselves, as much as they may hurt people I do feel sorry for them. And who knows this could happen to you. You are very blunt and extreme in your accusations and wow, you are so rude. Pity to be encountered…by everyone? That they dont have a conscience. What?? Seriously? Every sociopath is different every case is different and every positive or negative result is different. As it is the same for each individual that doesnt have a psychological inapt situation going on. As you might next year, I hope you can cope and get the support you need.
Emma, I don’t agree. It isn’t that they cannot help themselves. They could control impulses if they really wanted to. But they have no conscience so no real need to (they don’t care). This is true – as with any illness you have to learn mechanisms to manage what you have. The problem is with sociopaths is that they are unable to put someone else before their own needs. They can (by their lies, deception underhandedness) actually destroy someones life. Completely ruin someone – for no other reason – than they can. I take it you have never been involved with a sociopath? I don’t hate them – but I do think that there are many who take advantage of having no conscience and could live their life in a better way – should they wish to.
From your response I get the idea that you have never had any interaction with a sociopath. You can’t imagine how confusing it is to discover the person that said they cared for you and wanted to live life with you does not exist. That they created the persona that they knew would hook you. I’ve found the only thing that makes me feel slightly less terrible is the idea that it is all impulse. It has nothing to do with me, I was just there and what they wanted at the time (along with their secret wife and boyfriend, but that’s neither here nor there). But they knew what was right and wrong, otherwise there would have been no need for the lies.
Good advice Kate. I hope you have a good day.
You sound a lot better lol,,ever think society might be what causes people to turn cold like this? Maybe they see through the bullshit and know too much? Get over yourself
Hi, as you are a self confessed Sociopath maybe I could ask,,has there ever been a time in your life when you thought,,or you came close to what you percieve as ‘LOVE’ and if so, please could you describe it,,,,thanks for writing on here, and for being honest about yourself.
The reality is this, there are more female sociopaths than there are male spaths. WICKED childhood sexual abuse is linked to these two professionally accepted psychiatric conditions, and it is an accepted world wide fact that on raw material alone only, 1 in 4 females are victims of WICKED childhood sexual abuse, and 1 in 6 males are victims of WICKED childhood sexual abuse.
On the score of sexual abuse further, 60% of it is experienced in the home, 25% of it is experienced via extended family members and friends of such families, and 15% is attributable to stranger danger. Sexual abuse of particularly as a child is not only WICKED, it turns it’s victims NATURALLY into future WICKED people also., and they be both sociopaths and spaths usually agreed?
If you believe it’s you’re as delusional as the sociopaths. They want us to think they do this shit for a dark reason so we’ll pity them. The truth is that the majority of children molested as children do not grow up to seek revenge or to mirror the treatment of their oppressor. A sociopath who was molested as a child would have grown to do what they do even if they weren’t molested. Being raped as a child is Not the REASON they are what they are. They are what they are because they are what they are. Non-sociopaths who were molested as children have a choice. Most choose to overcome. Some can’t escape the darkness and they desperately want to escape it. Sociopaths like it dark.
Paula…you are so very right in your comments. My mother was raped repeatedly by her step-father for years and she is not a sociopath. In fact, she’s been the most wonderful mother and grandmother a child could wish for. I was raped when I was a sophomore in high school by a teacher and I am not a sociopath…I have been the victim twice. My oldest daughter is 33 and was raped at knifepoint by two guys after school drama club rehearsal when she was 15 and she is not a sociopath and has been happily married for 15 years. Rape and incest do NOT create sociopaths…they create victims with a choice to let it beat them down or to overcome it…come out of it stronger and willing to help others who have been through it as well. I have 19 and 17 year old daughters who have also experienced sexual assault. The 19 year old when she was in fifth grade, it happened in school, and my 17 year old was date rape. I’m sorry any of us have had to experience this, but we have a strong bond between us all and have been there for each other and we all got through it by the grace of God. You will have a hard time finding five stronger women than the five of us.
Bless you and your children, Kimmi. I’m sorry you even have to read garbage like this. XOXO
Do you know what my problem is on here Kimmi? Correct, unlike you and the rest of the clan on here, I am a MALE.
Males primarily are tunnel-visioned, what this means then is that when presented with a problem, we go directly to find the CAUSE of it, we go immediately into fix-it mode. Females are primarily peripherally-visioned, what this means then is that they look anywhere and every where but at the cause of the problem.
Correct, women by their very nature prefer to wallow in the mires of life whereas men DON’T!!! As a male I bring a whole new and different perspective here, and if you don’t like it you should to one of two things, lump it, or tell me in no uncertain terms to FUCK OFF out of here.
Haha! No sweetheart. You are not behaving as any intelligent and caring man I know. Men and women who use logic and thought do it in the same way. Stop trying to mask your dysfunction with more hogwash, psycho-babble that you pulled from your ass. Fix-it mode, isn’t blaming adult children of sexual abuse for all the sociopaths in the world. That’s destructive, not constructive. Who the heck are you trying to fool, trrc? You picked the wrong crowd. We already escaped this hell once. We know what the gate looks like and how to slam it shut. Go find some other “periperally-visioned” women to dupe. Haha!
trrc is now blocked from commenting.
Yeah! He’s a big meanie. 🙂
I only blocked as I don’t have time to monitor his behaviour. If he couldn’t manage his own behaviour by what he commented, then I didn’t have time to manage it for him.
Actually that reminds me of…. dating a sociopath 🙂
Exactly! And I am sure he was triggering some who were accused of being “illogical” while in the relationship. My ex always told me how wrong my thinking was. It was only wrong because it challenged his. No one’s thinking is wrong when we do it with care and when we listen, really listen to what the other is saying. He was just being belligerent in hopes of upsetting others. All he did was point to his own prejudices and inability to recognize that his words could potentially harm another. He proved lack of remorse and then goes on to blame us all for disagreeing with him because we’re women. Hehe!
You will have a hard time finding five stronger women than the five of us. – Really? That sounds like a potentially unhealthy clique to me, just saying of course.
In my honest opinion of all five of you though, each and every one of you lacks COMPASSION for obviously the SICKEST of all kind peoples, I do stand to be corrected though on this most unimportant to all five or you I’m sure point.
I have sent you an email trrc. I suggest that you read it.
None of the sociopaths I was involved with were sexually abused in childhood. There was abuse evident, but not sexual abuse. And going through sexual abuse doesn’t make someone a sociopath ?
Thats right Paula I agree they are born like that due to the fact that their neurons dont connect to the empathetic part of the brain.
Er, actually both biological and genetics are involved in the passing of this trait. Its not a choice to leave it or overcome it, It might not be a possibility in some cases. Most children who were abused, as children did not tell people, in fear of moer abuse maybe or not being believed, to be shun away, laughed at. Now it has developed in them, people like you seem to dispise sociopaths at this point where we should actually help them with their problems and talk to them, some yes unturnable but is still a person, with a conscience I can tell you that much most also have feelings guys, there not fucking robots. So i do not believe that as a statistical theory you can make that law. It is a choice?? Maybe in your own narrow mind but not real life my friend. Choice? Some poeple dont understand their choices or what is happening to them, as it can affect people so drastically both party’s. It can be an acute on set and they may not have the support around them to be helped. Yes, a child can become a sociopath after being abused, as they are always thinking something is wrong with them ‘is it’ ‘isnt it’, and just as it turns out, laws of attraction someone telling you your mental, horrible, not right so all the negative things they can say to you through your child hood.. You dont think this has any affect to later life? Somethhing so simple as breaking up of parents can be so traumatic for a child as they do not understand the choices and emotions that cmoe with those misunderstood or inconceivable choices, they can be badly affected from this, problems build up and we deal with them differently. They are because they are…really??. Thats like people telling a child something you dont know how to explain.. Because I said so. You know things arnt that simple. Look around at what is branded on people, socially also as we are all so hypercritical its unbelievable. To me your attitude towards the problem is the only darkness. The darkness is not the problem, its what surrounds the darkness that will help bring light in to the problem from different angles, to then solve the problem, Do as much that can be done to resolve the problem. We are all precious, but we need help and support from everyone. Love as one.
Hi Random, are you a Sociopath?
I think as a child abuse victim I learnt disassociation.
I am not a Sociopath but, a survivor of one or two.
Having endured a Sociopath, I don’t think you understand what it is truly like but, it’s ok to have your opinion & I appreciate that you have yours.
You must remember that the people here have suffered terrible abuses & are questioning the need for one person to hurt another for their own gain with no remorse & no compassion.
It’s not a trait that needs defending, it’s a trait to be aware of & steer clear of.
I would not wish a Sociopath on anyone, not even my worst enemy.
Child abuse & it’s ramifications are lifelong but, doesn’t mean you start abusing others because you have an excuse. There is never an excuse for inflicting pain or suffering on anyone, ever!
Victimization is not permissible no matter what you believe & we are here to support & heal, not debate why someone can get away with hurting others, because you said so!
Love & Light 🙂
Pigs arse you can’t change, you quite simply don’t WANT to you yet again fooking LIAR, as… simple… as … that!!!
In response to the above post you just made…I happen to have a Master’s degree in Psychology and I know full well that what constitutes a psychiatric illness. Childhood sexual abuse does not create sociopaths. Childhood sexual abuse is a very wicked thing and very sad and traumatizing for any child who has/is going through it. Imbalance can also come from a brain that does not function like it should, for example, a lack of serotonin can cause depression in many people. It is a lack of something, as is the case with sociopaths, a lack of emotions, morals, etc…a brain may not be fully developed in the womb and cause affects in so many ways that make a lot of people different from what our society deems normal…It wouldn’t hurt for you to lose the negativity and nastiness your posts are teeming with…this is just a conversation and nothing we say here is going to change the world. Have a nice day!!
Thank you Kimmi you reflect my thoughts 🙂
The last time I checked, I couldn’t reconnect half the neurons in my brain at will, so that I could stop myself being a sociopath.
You can call me a liar if you want, but you know, somewhere deep inside of you, that your above statement I’d based on no real evidence, perhaps other than that of your own unprofessional and inadiquate observations.
Continuing to state your own opinions and disguising them as facts in an attempt at making others accept them will get you nowhere among a group of people who have had at least half an education.
Good day to you, little man.
Something_Wickid- Do you have a profile or email where I can connect with you offline?
jusagurl- I don’t appear to be able to reply to you directly for some reason. anyway, my email address is email@example.com
*squints* not sure if troll-
Yea that sounds like my ex wife. but she was terrible in bed.
@ positivagirl – And going through sexual abuse doesn’t make someone a sociopath ? – And you are able to say such hogwash with absolute categorical proof yes/no?
You claim to have dealt with sociopaths plural, have you failed to learn then from the first mistake you ever made with one? In my humble opinion I think your experiences in dealing with sociopaths has made you somewhat as unhealthy as they are, because lacking in compassion is guilty of what they most definitely are, and I find it lacking WICKEDLY so also in YOU!!!
trrc…you obviously have a fighting spirit and I have no desire to fight or debate with you. You also seem to have a hard time making your thoughts known for most of what you have said doesn’t even make sense. If you have been involved with a sociopath and gotten hurt, I am sorry. But all of us in here have, and that is why we are here. I sincerely hope this is not going to be something you choose to do everyday, by getting in here and arguing. Yes, I can say with 100% certainty that childhood sexual abuse does not create a sociopath and I know Positive girl can make the same claim. If you can’t be positive and encouraging in here, then why are you even here?
Your attitude is not a healthy one, you seem bitter, you lash out at Positivagirl who because of all her insight on this horrible subject you have a healthy place to vent. Whats the problem T?? Are you certain you need to so defensivly vent on this site. I dont see you be honored any Awards. Be coil T, and thibk before you vent. We are all here to help each other and be positive. No negativity okaee. Peace and love…
trrc, I think you are a sociopath in denial. Project much? I’m guessing you WERE NOT molested as a child. Am I right? But you have all the characteristics of a sociopath and use this “WICKED” ruse to convince others that you couldn’t possibly be what they claim you are because, after all, you weren’t raped as a child. You don’t fool us. Sorry. Thanks for redirecting all of our attention away from the post and onto you. True sociopathic tactic. Bravo!
Oh, and just one more thing to add, males primarily are LOGICAL thinkers, whereas females on the other hand think primarily in ILLOGICAL way.
Correct again, the two human sexes are different in more ways than just the OBVIOUS one.
TRRC, your projections don’t work here. Fact is fact. Keep writing, buddy, because you’re revealing your true self. I’m just pointing out the obvious in your twisted ramblings. I am detached from your garbage. You’re the one that seems to keep getting defensive and rageful and mean. Prove me wrong. (See. It’s no fun when the tables are turned, is it?) 🙂
I started reading this while having a coffee before work and so only have a little time but feel the need to comment.
I’m sorry for the comments that trrc has made in relation to this post and hope you guys all know that his opinion is NOT common to all males. I’m also sorry for some of the situations you all have revealed that you endured in your life and credit to you for fighting against it ruining the rest of your lives.
To trrc, you have the RIGHT to have an OPINION, but just having an OPINION doesn’t make you RIGHT!! Just by the way you express yourself it seems you’ve got some issues to work through, including treating others opinions and ideas with the respect you yourself seem to expect.
In regards the post from this female psychopath, if it is true, it is a definite eye opener. I was under the impression that they’re problem was a mental illness like bi-polar or something and that they weren’t necessarily aware of their behaviour and how destructive it was, or that it was learned behaviour from poor parental example or something. After reading this, my understanding is that their behaviour is very purposeful, like a criminal or sexual predator. Is this correct?
Thank you for your posts travis. Most of the comments earlier were deleted as they had degenerated into personal attacks.
Yes, sociopaths do indeed know what they are doing. They are impulsive and not always think things through…. and dont really think about long term outcomes, but it is true that they often come with an agenda and leave with one too!!! This is why I wrote the post about them being predators….. as they can be exactly that!!
Hi Positiva, Thank goodness you got onto that one Trrc1960 as I thought something was up in an unhinged way 😦
I think Paula is on the right track also & he was making a mockery of all of us!
You are the best & so are all the positiva followers with the positive energy ;0)
Peace,light & happiness to you all,even TRRc1960 as you need it most!
Hi Pos 🙂
Looks like the crazy Soc is back on the blog & he’s playing games with Smart Now etc….sigh….posing like a victim again!
In my opinion from all the reading up I have done over a long time, and also my experience with my own relationship.
They do know what they are doing, it is arguable though that they do it on purpose ‘all of the time’ to purposely hurt someone close to them, because they do not know what ‘hurt’ means where normal emotions and a heart are involved.
To the sociopath it is necessary to do/say things to gain total control, they don’t understand how bad actions can hurt someone’s heart.
To them it is a survival mechanism, necessary in order to simply function, and to maintain the high feeling that the said control brings them.
There are of course, some sociopaths who do enjoy seeing someone cry, simply because it means ‘I have brought her/him to their lowest place, and therefore, I have total control over them and I have rendered them weak.
If it goes beyond that and they enjoy watching people/animals, creatures suffer physical pain as well, then it becomes sadistically cruel too.
An example would be:
I once tried to make mine understand how devastated I was that he had cheated on me, he looked at me blankly,,,,,,,,,,,I said,,,,,”why didn’t you just stick a knife into my chest instead?”
His answer was……….. I would never do that, I could never hurt you enough to make you bleed.
Quite clearly he would have understood ‘hurt’ if I had been visibly maimed in some way,,,,but just could not get the ‘hurt’ emotionally thing.
I then asked him if he could imagine how he would feel should I plunge a knife into his heart.
He looked horrified, and said,,,,,is that how you really feel? is that how it feels to youl!!
I knew then what I was dealing with.
Some good analogies there Dorena!! Sociopaths can’t understand what they don’t understand. They cannot understand how you feel. Not in terms of emotions anyway.
They may not understand but you would think that somewhere in their life they would know “right” from “wrong” but I guess they see no wrong in their actions. And the “golden rule” (treat others as you want to be treated) is foreign because they can’t feel like we do. But still, you would think some would want to do good in this world instead of creating pain an havoc in lives. Surely that would get old.
Wow, that’s pretty bad. At the same time it lifts a bit of weight. I’ve been carrying a fair bit of guilt for choosing not to tolerate my ex’s behaviour and resigning myself to not being able to help her, distancing myself and my children for the sake our emotional and mental health. I don’t feel quiet so bad…for now anyway.
Something interesting I found…
WOW I’m speechless.
A manipulative & cold callous disregard for the victims, I hate that these freaks exist just to wreak havoc on others 😦
Yep social media is a very dangerous tool for bullying,stalking & playing awful mind games….wish it had never been invented.
I vow to only use it for GOOD ;)) NOT EVIL!
Oops & I should have put this comment on the Social Networking Post!
“I hate that these freaks exist just to wreck havoc on others”
it’s good to see that we are still well liked on the Internet
WOW! That was hilarious!
I’m not the person who wrote the above article, although I am a sociopath and I can answer your question. I, although I can’t speak for all sociopaths, have had feelings towards someone which felt a lot like love, but it was different to how you feel it. For me, I just wanted to be with this particular person a lot more than anyone else, basically. This actually really freaked me out at the time, as I hadn’t actually felt anything like this before. I started taking notes on this person, their behaviors, likes and dislikes, that sort of thing. Then, I tried to act like her “ideal mate”. I’m not sure exactly how other people feel love, so I can’t compare my emotions to yours, but I felt really intense, sort of like I wanted to “be” her. I’m also guessing that me changing my act to suit her isn’t very far removed from how I’ve observed other people trying to woo each other by getting into a new sport, wearing fancy clothes, buying a new car, and other things that they wouldn’t regularly do. Anyway, we’ve been going out for two years now, and I have told her that I’m a sociopath. I’ve actually changed my behavior a lot in that time, as all of my previous relationships have been “instill so much fear that they’ll never dare to leave me” whereas this one I have been deliberately not trying to intimidate or mess with her for fear that she’ll leave. Sure a might play a game or two from time to time, but nothing that would actually hurt or offend her. I’ve seen elsewhere on the net that sociopaths go through four stage in a relationship; observing, charming, playing with, and wrecking. I have followed this most if my life, but currently it’s like I’m stuck on the second stage, charming. Recently I’ve been doing the same thing with other people, (the ones I don’t find absolutely insufferable) and, lo and behold, I have been forming actual friendships for the first time in my life. Earlier, friendships to me were just weaker-minded people whi could follow my lead. Now I am actually making relationships that travel both ways instead if just benefitting me, with people who I actually consider to be my equals. Some people would argue that this means I am not a sociopath, but I do still, ahem, mess with people until they break (usually the insufferable ones that I mentioned earlier) and I still tend to try and seize power whenever I can, although not as often as before (my partner like to dominate in the bedroom) and I still have never felt remorse for my actions. Also, as a side note, I would like to add that I think the reason I like my partner so much is because of her ability to control. I mentioned before that she had a domination fetish, and that extends outside of the bedroom. She isn’t a control freak as such, but she is very, VERY, contoling in a way that she dosnt micromanage everything, but if she tells you to do something people just sort of do it, without question. I suppose I sort of revere her for that ability.
Anyway, I hope that I helped answer your question, Dorena.
Interesting thank you for your honesty. Yes I notice the pattern over the same. assessment, seducing, gaming and ruining. I think that a sociopath CAN if they really wanted to ‘manage’ their behaviour. But they have to have a reason for doing so (wouldn’t just do it because it is good for someone else)…. and there is always a risk of relapsing back to the same pattern of behaviour. Esp if boredom sets in.
I completely agree with you when you say that a sociopath would be able to manage their ways, and definitely no for someone else’s gain. For me, I manage my behavior because I know that if I destroyed everybody that I came in contact with, that my partner would leave me. I an actually afraid that, at some time in the future boredom would set in, but I still have doubts in the likelihood of that occurring. I don’t think that I would ever be able to convey in writing my feelings towards my partner. I mean, it is really intense, and although I know I wouldn’t put her above me, I know that I would put our relationship above anything else.
Cheers, and I also like your website *thumbs up*
Yoiur are absolutely correct Positiva, I have been through ALL of these stages, very clearly and definitely.
He admitted and still admits that he played games with me, he says because he wasn’t sure of my ‘devotion’
He was obsessively stalkishly chasing me,,,’in love’ with me within weeks of getting together,,,,,all the time watching (and probably seeing) the other one,
as soon as our relationship became physical, he backed off quite blatantly with silly excuses,,,,that’s when I started to question things,,,,,none of it made sense to me and I was confused becasue he still kept me there, still kept up with all the love talk and obsessiveness.
Then came prejection and gaslighting,I felt deliberately slipping in comments about the other one,and little,,,pontless lies,which hurt,and made me open my eyes a bit more,,I became detective at that point.
When I acquired proof, I confronted him to total denial,yet he never stopped the flirting with her,oblivious to me even being present,,more hurt. I never did show him that proof,,,I couldn’t have coped with being in his presence while he still denied it and made up an even more ridiculous story.
That was when he started on the smear campaign, told everyone I was obsessed with him,stalking him, couldn’t leave him alone etc, and all of my friends backed away from me at that point, all except the other woman, who was now asking me where I’d been here and there, hanging around me a lot, I felt she wanted to talk,so did I, but I wouldn’t at that point.
I wasn’t sure it was going on at the time, but putting things together since has made me see it all without the self doubt. He had also come back fully to me then,saying he had needed a break, had things going on at home,yadda yadda!.And also was very physical with me fro a while,obviously only to keep me there,,and keep me quiet..I feel so stupid fro that stage now,I wanted it all to disappear, and everythign to be back as normal.and I allowed it all to happen.
He has always stayed there since, giving me all the same lines, I was wrong, there was never anyone but me, he spends his life thinking about me etc. It can go on for months until I say that’s enough,,,,,then back he comes with a little more, and each time I see it coming,I actually know what to say to him now for each reaction I want.
He says I am the only one he trusts,,,that’s probably because I never did anything with that proof I had. I could have easily done it to him at the time,but not the other woman,I knew she would be having enough hurt as it was.
I leave him there in the background now, feeling safer that way,I don’t have the ups and downs so much,,,,I know it is not love he really feels for me,,,only need and in his head,some kind of connection,he says ” you went through so much for me”
Maybe he sees that as ultimate devotion, I don’t know,but I do know,,,,I will never trust HIM!.His words and actions never go together,,,and that should have been enough for me aat the start,,,I allowed my heart to rule my head,as we all do.I am ashamed of myself for that, but I do think that things like this happen for a reason,,,,,,,I have found out just how strong a person I really am.
I spent months thinking he was BPD, but I know he has soc traits,fear of being exposed,,,adn also fear of being abandoned,that is the only advantage I have now, but I do feel he stays around for me because I have those advantages.
Those are the only actions I had from him which I knew to be true!
Peace and calm to all x
I get messages from above???
Anyway this one is for you, I hope you get something from this?
I hope it doesn’t offend you as it’s not my intention 🙂
Love & light :
The fact that this guy STILL belittles others of supposed inferior kind to him constitutes him to still being a sociopath, and yes, of wicked in/unsufferable kind.
Yes, I do still “belittle” (although reduce to tears would be more accurate) some people who I believe to be below me. Firstly, I have found it pretty much impossible not to go through these same routines on other people, not because I don’t want to, but because it acts as a kind of release for me. I have tried cutting of this behavior before, but it just builds inside of me until I just sort of loose control and absolutely wreck the lives of everybody around me. Secondly, don’t assume that you are above marking some of your peers as inferior and below you.
“Secondly, don’t assume that you are above marking some of your peers as inferior and below you.”
LMAO, nice try you freak of nature, I am nothing like you and never will or can be. I am no different to most people in this world, I have individual strengths and weaknesses that either work to or against my advangage.
I fail dismally to build up pent up pressure to let loose on supposed lower forms of human life like you admit to doing, I happily live my life without the need for doing such wicked thing thank you very much… for failing to be able to project yourself onto me in this area that you are simply better at than I ever could be
I respect my fellow human sisters and brothers, and in the same way I highly respect myself, with one exception that is… YOU.
So you deny marking others below you, yet do so to me?
So you deny marking others below you, yet do so to me?
If I marked you, and you say you are below me, then guilty as charged I am you sooky la la.
your words aren’t making any sense
Thanks phoenix, not offended at all, in fact I am a very fanatical music lover, and she has a great voice.
You would love Wendy Mathews then & I have seen her many times 🙂
Look her up as she is a very spiritual lady with a lot of messages in her songs.
She lives here in Australia but, is Canadian 🙂
Love & Light 🙂
Phew Dorena 🙂
I am glad you like her she is my favorite & helps guide me a lot via her songs 🙂
She lives here in Australia but is Canadian 🙂
Gorgeous lady & beautiful voice & soul 🙂
My Soc only left me because he was exposed to me by the OW & I went ballistic as I realised what I had been dealing with. He didn’t intend to end it with me at the time but, was caught out.
I am smart so, he was not happy with my efforts to expose him as I had a lot of info that could be damning to him etc…I also moved in some of the same circles & am highly regarded by many people.
Still a Soc is a Soc & his lies & manipulation had him better placed to make me look crazy!
Anyway, I remember him telling me one that he had never felt real love. I asked him why he married & he said it just happened? He was Italian & if you dated a girl etc…you were expected to marry & have children. He was having affairs before, during & after his ex finally had enough & went for a huge property settlement just under $1 million. He has never divorced her & has his adult son living with her to control her to some extent. Any relationship she has, he has his grown children undermine & he makes her suffer every time
a family event is held so, that he can keep control.
I don’t think she has any idea that he is a Soc & how manipulated she still is but, I am not sure?
I said to him did he love me & he said he felt some kind of love for me & that I was extremely important??? So I was interested in your comment of the difference you are feeling toward your partner as I never got to the ruin stage…I got assessing,lovebombing,gaming then dropped like a hotcake but, that was because of my reaction to the revelations etc…
My Soc has so called friends but, he still has a purpose for them even if he considers them his equal??? Or perhaps they are Soc’s as well. Do you associate with other Soc’s & what is that like for you?
Maybe your friendships are based on being liked so, therefore you are getting something for your trouble?
I appreciate your sharing etc…& thankfully to Positivagirl I am now able to distance myself from my own feelings of the Soc experience & I am comfortable with seeking your opinion etc..
I hope you continue to take care of your partner & not let the relationship become a mind gaming battle of wills. If this lady has empathy etc…she will also be hurt if the relationship alters. The fact that she knows your a Soc is interesting as the OW with my Soc also knows & I think she feels strong enough to counter his moves. Alas having met her I know she is doomed. She is a Dr of Sociology & lectures worldwide on human behaviour but, had no idea what he was up to until she started playing detective! The Detective part is when you should run not walk away but, is still in the game?
I’d appreciate your comments,
Thank you PR 🙂
Hi Pheonix Rising
First off, In regards to you and your sociopath saying that he loves you I can see two possibilities; firstly, that he was lying to you in order to manipulate and use you, or that he really did love you and that instead of trying to keep you around simply by pleasing you (like I have done with my partner) was instead trying to deny you any other option but to be with him. Personally I think it is the former, because if he really cared for you that much he wouldn’t have left you. Sociopaths do, by nature, copy other people’s behavior in order to make a facade and hide their true nature. So, him saying that he married because it is expected in his culture leans towards that it was all just a mask.
Just as a side note, my reactions with other sociopaths generally end up in us both death-staring each other until our foreheads bleed. Because we spend our entire lives using people’s emotions to manipulate them, that process dosnt work on other sociopaths because we know it so well an we can be really at a loss on what to do.
In regards to my friends, I suppose it would be fair to say that my purpose for them is that they make me feel liked? That sort of feeling dosnt really get achieved if I just destroy them and force them to do what I want, so I kind of have to “put out”.
In terms of your sociopath’s current partner, she has taken what is probably the worst move that she could. Trying to beat him at his own game will only get her crushed, as it is very hard to ignore a sociopath’s lies if she listens to them. Even if she knows that they are lies, they will still place doubt in her mind, and will undermine her defended against them. He has been doing this his whole life, and will be able to read her and what she is trying to do like a book.
Anyway, I’m sure this post has made you at least slightly sadened, and I wish I could copy pictures if kittens onto it too make you feel better 😦
lots a wuv,
No your response didn’t make me sad at all 🙂
I know my Soc didn’t love me but, I was interested in his comment about having some kind of love for me. Your right as it gave me hope to stay on especially as he said he felt something etc…I get that is was all part of the gaming so…have released that thought ages ago 🙂
Just remember though that he actually hadn’t finished with me & it was only because of the OW that I found out any of it. I have come close more than once but, then he would up his game & be more attentive & bring out the enablers & followers to keep me trapped.
If he was prepared to go to these lengths to keep me in then he either felt a bond or was going to keep me around for further use etc…he was always around even when I couldn’t supply much which gives me a sense that my value went beyond sex etc…he used to just like talking to me???
I am interested in why someone knowingly stays with a Soc? I would never ‘stay in’ by choice no matter what. Does your partner really understand what a Sociopath relationship is like?
I hope she is well prepared for the discard when it comes….which it will eventually.
No matter how strong a lady & in control she feels it will do her head in.
I met the OW & as I said she is a Dr of Sociology, very wealthy, very controlled but, a complete mess when I met her & had been drinking heavily to cope! Still stayed though?
I think the hypnotic mind bending game was well entrenched & she lives in the fog 😦
The draining experience of being with a Soc goes far deeper than even the Soc realises.
Once boredom sets in or another quest appears then the gaming will change tack & you will do what your designed to do & that’s play & manipulate etc…
Thank you for your honesty & your kittens (I prefer puppies 🙂
To be honest, it can be very hard to work out a sociopath’s core motivations, but most likely it was that he thought you would be “useful” later on. In regards to my own relateionship, the entire point of my original post, and it’s my fault if you didn’t get it (English was the third language I ever learned), was that I actually felt differently about her. I have had relationships in the past, but in this one I actually cared about my partener, and wanted to make sure that she was happy, as that made me happy. Of course, when these emotions first hit my I just panicked, as I had never actually felt anything like it before in my life, and I had no idea what to really do about it. To make her happy I have distinctly not tried messing with her. Her happens gave me a weird fuzzy feeling (that’s what my psychologist calls it), which may or may not be normal to you (IDK), but for me it was kinda special. You mention boredom and, probably my biggest fear at the moment is that I will grow bored and stop caring.
anyway, have some puppies
waitaminute, that’s not a puppy
have a whatever the hell that is.
Thank you for your honest answer.
I think I understand a little, in that,,,,,,he always said,,,,I can let anyone go, but not you, this after I caught him with someone else and it competely devastated me. He spent the next few days bombarding me with this talk, denied it all of course, even though I knew for certain it had happened. He just kept saying over and over, you are the one I love, you are the one I want forever.
At the time I was so deeply hurt and stunned, I had been suspicious for a while, but just chalked it up to me being over parnaoid,,,,he was just a little different, you know, pasising those red flags off.
The thing is,,,,,,,,,,,I allowed him to manipulate me with those words,,,,,,,,I stupidly talked myself into believing that he regretted it,and he kept saying time would tell,,,,,time would prove he meant his words.
For two years he has been there,but only really in the background,,,,always telling me he loves me,,,,misses me,,,but always kept it distant.
Only when I pushed this would he actually give me more than that,,,,,,and only for a short time,,,,and then right back again to the beginning.
I too,,,and he has said himself,,,,,can be a little,,not domineering,,but if I say it clearly what I want or else,,,,,,,,that’s when he gives a little more.
He also says he wants to be with me all the time,,but never made any effort to do so. Not until I backed away.
I have always felt that,if he can’t let me go,,,then he won’t let any of the others go either??
There have been times when he got me blatantly mixed up with the other one, but it was so blataant that I thought he was doing it deliberately for a reaction?
Is this right?,,,,,,,does he hang on to me because I’m stupid enough to stay?,,,,,
I always seem to be right with my gut instincts,,have been so far,,,,but my gut instinct deos kind of tell me that he DOES have some kind of draw to me,he says it’s love,,,,I doubt that,,,but something??
Although there is a slim chance that he is telling the truth and actually wants to be with you, it is very unlikely and it would undoubtedly be better if you left. If you stay with him he could hurt you very badly. Remember: Sociopaths are very good liars, and will do so constantly.
My ex spath partner was more intelligent than me, and she used it to her destructive advantage over me. Her personal shortcomings were these though:
She was/is obese, and cared never to do anything healthily about it.
She was/is a cigarette smoker
She was/is a canabis user
She was/is an alcohol abuser
She was/is a sex addict, and
She was/is a gambler of addicted kind
I was smarter than my ex spath though, hence why NONE of her shottcomings can be found in me in comparison to. I instead am a champion at one thing in life, with it being healthy for me to be so, whereas none of her addiction of champion nature could be claimed in any way to be healthy for her to have.
And SMART btw, is indeed superior to being intelligent, because one is broad minded, whilst the other refuses to be anything other than narrow minded. I’m sensing SW that you are intelligent right? Well tough luck for you fella.
Smart-Adj, INFORMAL having or showing a quick witted intelligence
Intelligence-Noun, the ability to acquire and apply knowledge and skills
Nope, dosnt appear to mention broad-mindedness
Smart Now, dont bother Tim is trcc or whatever, he’s back & always makes a complete horses arse of himself! Ignore him…we all do…. Hes a Champion fool!
Yes, I had my suspicions (similar writing patterns and whatnot).
Still, thanks fo the heads-up ^^
Your Welcome 🙂
Now I just need to get better at spotting them in the flesh (lol)
Oops that last comment was for SW not smart now lol
You say you have these strong feelings about your partner, and also try not to mess with her as she would then leave.
Are those feelings of yours enough to keep you from straying over to another woman??
You have said you worry about boredom setting in, if your are faithful to her, is that because you feel she means too much to you for you to be otherwise?
Also, are you afraid or boredome setiing in because you know you may look elsewhere for a temporary thrill and therefore you would lose her?
Hope the question isn’t too personal, only aimed at sociopaths in general 🙂
At the moment, I do feel strongly enough about her to remain faithful, and yes I am afraid of boredom for exactly those reasons 🙂
Hello author, what if I told you that we are capable of love. Real love. We can be real humans..more than humans. It’s a very interesting story. Not to be discussed with all these useless people. Useless for the time being anyway.
Love as you see it Hyde if you are a sociopath is not how I see it. Love is unconditional. Love is selfless. Love is putting someone elses needs before your own. Love is not controlling. Love is caring, sharing. I think we see love very differently. Possessing someone is not love.
Thank you Something wicked for writing on here to give an insider prospective on soc. I have seen many posts about dating/relationship with a soc. However I was wondering about family relationships? I have a younger sister who while never professionally diagnosed( her therapists “men” say she had adhd but otherwise delightful child) exhibits many signs of being a soc. To name a few lying, stealing, turning family and friends against each other, hurting animals, deliberately getting others in trouble by “inventing” stories up, always center of attention or will gear a situation up to be the center, etc. I love her but had to pull away. Towards the end she would swipe at me any chance she got then say she was sorry followed by a want of something. I admit I’m afraid to let her in because I have family and friends I don’t want hurt again if she targets them besides myself. Do you keep in touch with family? If so does it balance you at all or affect you negatively or positively? Thank you for your time.
I think with family you can love the person but not the behaviour and make the distinction clear. It is a pattern in the brain. Their brain is wired differently. You have to remove yourself if the person is causing you pain. But if it is your sister….. if it were me, I would still love, but make a clear difference between how i felt about the person but that I didn’t find the behaviour tolerable. Otherwise complete abandonment – can make things worse.
Well, sociopaths won’t feel love and devotion to family in the same way that you do, and would treat you in the same way as they would a non-familymemeber. In terms if my own relationship with my family, we don’t tend to talk very often, and we sort of have an understanding (I’m a sociopath, they have links to a certain Russian mafia)
So, other rules which you would read elsewhere on this site would apply to your sister.
Not sure where to put this but anyone in the UK there is a drama on tonight (Tuesday 01 October) on Sky Living at 9pm called the Psychopath next door about a female psychopath I have know idea how good or realistic it will be, hopefully it will not try and show a psychopath as an axe murderer anyway!
It was very hard to come to terms with the fact I loved a female sociopath. I still have flashbacks after months. The emotional abuse suffered is incredibly hard to get over. There´s this urge to not realize the ugly truth. In retrospect, I know I tried everything just not to come to the shocking conclusion.
For the sociopath a relationship is a zero sum game. It´s fun for them to make the other person suffer, to exercise control, to mess with your head, create confusion, inflict the biggest possible emotional pain. They are very clever in masking their true intentions. How could they not be after practicing it for their whole lives?
I read quiet a bit and I´m under the impression it is more than anything a basic disorder of the brain. Something that can´t be cured nor treated so far.
What I noticed is the complete lack of reflection skills. No matter what is said it goes unfiltered straight to the emotional center. And than you will get punished mercilessly.
I do believe the woman when she said she would prefer to be different. After all, the biggest punishment for a sociopath is the certainty they will never experience long, meaningful relationships free of drama, but are trapped in a ever repeating rewind of the same game with permanent emotional stress. They lack the concept of the most basic things in personal relationships.
With a little distance I look at it as an illness. An illness that will make you also ill, but at some point you are able to heal and move on from that illness while they never will. This is to say that the notion of a sociopath winning is nonsensical as much as it is important to them they will always lose in the end and they are aware of it, so they will do anything to keep the illusion in place.
Yes good thoughts Dave. The thing is that they know what they are doing. They need someone to control. If it’s not you it will be someone else. The games that they play are relentless to ease the empty boredom inside of them. Victims lives go into a whirlwind of drama that just gets worse and worse. Any feigned apologies to change. Only appear to be yet another game of manipulation and destruction. With the outcome of the sociopath yet again winning the game. Whilst you fight for love, you ultimately end up fighting daily for your rights, your freedom and your sanity.
Great site and I´m sure you helped a lot of people by running it, positivagirl.
Fighting for sanity. That´s a very valid point. I started to wonder if the person I had dealings with is the same person who sent you her thoughts.
It would be a hell of a coincidence, but a few phrases were unusually similar or deliberately telling. This is really how bad it gets when you have gone through a relationship with a sociopath. You start to question and wonder about everything.
Yes I understand that feeling. They can mess with your emotions so much some people wonder if they have became sociopaths themselves. I think thinking others are them is common when you
Hear similar words or patterns of behaviour. I think that is reflective of the trauma that you go through 😦
I have witnessed the behaviors of several girls described as the author of this post. Usually, people describe these girls as other adjectives, strong willed, aggressive, type A, (or derogatory words) etc. Yet no one, not even the girls themselves can explain “The Why” for their behavior, a few may say because they like to be in control, but most don’t know. The only reason why I say this, I work in a environment which is largely female dominant for a very long time (longer than I care to, ok), lots of opportunity to watch people and/or to be a victim of their “EVIL PLOTS”. When I asked why? It was “Me, I am not doing anything?” (Yeah, right) or “because I don’t like her/you” (duh) or “because I wanted to see if I could?” (again, why?). I greatly appreciate the posting the author has written from a females point of view, especially not from a financial aspect, because it’s not about money for the girls I work with either (they are financial sound), it’s about control, possession, ruin and “I want”. So thank you. I will have to look into it further.
Hi NIBSIH 🙂
Just smee :)….Many years ago I had a run in with a female co-worker/girlfriend who was a Sociopath 😦
We were great mates & went to each others weddings etc….everything was okay until I noticed her doing weird manipulative gaming with fellow co-workers etc…At first I didn’t see it but, then she zeroed in on me! Why??? because suddenly I became a threat to her position, she went on leave & I performed her job & did it too well so, upon her return it was game on!
Female Soc’s hate competition on any level so, will systematically take you down & set you up etc…I should know because that’s what my so called friend did, she was unbelievable & if I’d ever correlated that experience with this Soc one then I would have run for the hills!
This female even aborted her husbands baby without telling him, she didn’t want children, bad luck if he did?…..
I transferred my job to get away from this psycho!
Love & Light 🙂
Do you have any advice for a man dealing with a female sociopath? Is it at all possible to effectively retaliate? This one is in her 30s, never married, charming, “pleasantly bright”, surrounded by half witted men and mediocre women (i.e., her “friends”), with a history of gas lighting and torturing men until they leave her.
Again, I’m looking for an objective answer as to whether such a person can be hurt. In my view, the only thing that has caused her visible pain is massive amounts of unforeseen disruption to aspects of her life she thought she understood cold.
Hi welcome to the site.
There really is no point retaliating with a sociopath – as they will win. They don’t care. They have no moral compass. How can you hurt someone that is devoid of emotions?
All that it would do, is to see you get hurt further. As …. they really ‘don’t care’
You may be right that there’s no way to win – that certainly is a possibility. But after reading this blog, along with ME’s book and Stout’s work, I am not sure that sociopaths are as invulnerable as they have been depicted. Though without conscience, they are human. They have fears. They have primitive emotions (Stout’s book explains these beautifully).
Let me put this another way. I want to probe a bit on this question – the question of whether they can be hurt – to make sure we all have the truth.
Well there is ‘hurt’ and there is ‘hurt’…. do you see what i mean?
There is a difference. yes sociopaths can be hurt (and outraged) that you are taking away something that they value. But this is fleeting. That pain, is not long lasting. They quickly recover and move onto something new.
They can feign hurt too, for their own ends and needs. They are expert at doing this, and playing victim. But its not longstanding deep pain, that for everybody else, inspires change. They really don’t care about much – and if they do care – it is shortlived.
I can say categorically that they do NOT CARE! they feign they do. They might miss someone, but they can replace that person (quickly) – they don’t have conscience – so they dont have that deep pain within.
How can you hurt someone that doesnt care? They can pretend they care – in terms of ego… but they don’t really. its not hurt as I know it.
Hey Temp (sorry i have not been on this site for a while)
It is probably best if you don’t try and hurt her, as she will then fuck with your life as much as she can. Even if you draw people away from her, there are always more naive people.
Yes, ‘sociopaths’ were traumatized, too. No, they generally will never connect with it. Yes, they can admit to the ‘bad’ in their actions. No, they generally have no real feelings of guilt, nor empathy. When you lack empathy the world is your object to play with, toy with, torment, use and destroy. The surest sign of sociopathology is an addictive heartless sadism (and a strong ability to manipulate the vulnerable). Sociopaths pass by unnoticed especially well in a narcissistic society, as we have in Western culture. We believe in the well-maintained image above all things, and nothing interferes with that precious image, least of all reality. In this way, our cultures are a product of our upbringing by too often distant and heartless parents–we’ve too often come to prefer emotional detachment as a way of life and it is both producing sociopaths and providing them a safe environment for their predation. We are each part of the problem so. God help us all.
My experience with female S.
Intensely drawn to aesthetic beauty, such as nature, the moon, mountains, and…. cats. The large predatory kind.
Was attracted to ethnic minority drug dealers and criminals in youth and young adulthood. Had some shoplifting experience, used drugs, but not to deliterious outcomes. She loved using ecstacy, which I believe does something special for cluster B’s, as it is an empathy stimulator.
Very good athlete, hip hop dancer, and carries tune beautifully. She remembers lyrics and composure of every song…. ever. Unbelieveable recall.
Drinks every day. Doesn’t like MJ, it makes her unable to remain composed. She doesn’t give a fuck what anybody thinks. She under dresses, wears flattering and fitting clothes, where a normal woman would not necessarily do so. Has no body shame, at all… zero. She will wear only a bra and yoga pants in public.
She presumes to teach people, painfully, for their own good. She does… study. One time she was admiring me, but stated that she was ‘studying’ my natural beauty.
She always wants to know all about me and my day, details, I feel compelled to perform conversationally. I assume from reading up, that she is gathering information. She doesn’t share, unless it is to vent. She vents about her boss, who is also cluster B. It’s the old hating competition among predators.
I am empathic. I once confessed that at my core, I feel undeserving of love. Of course, I am Christian, my core is solid. But I do have that hole… and she leveraged it against me the next day. She wants my trust above all else, and I couldn’t give it, because according to her I am never enough to feel deserving of her love.
If you want to stir up a S-path, it’s easy. Tell them what they are feeling, or what they said. Only they know what they’re up to, Lol. In the moment, out of my frustration, I told her that I am better than her, and she doesn’t deserve me. That one will never die, she is using it as evidence to project on to me her sociopathy.
Call out her bad behavior, and stick to your guns. She needs you more than you need her. The only recourse is no-contact until she relents. It’s BF Skinner and operant conditioning. You can’t be worried about what she will do in the mean time, I have learned that mine won’t compromise her sexual health, and will always use protection with strange.
She is a pleasure seeker, and avoids work when possible. She loves the sun, relaxation, music, fire, drinking, taking in great views, and watching sex and the city over and over and over. She is a creature of solid routine, and once she finds something she likes, does not deviate from it. She hates invasion of her privacy, and will even accuse me of making a random spot check. She is fearless socially, and comes across as a very cool person. Cruising time is built into her routine. Not sure if it is related, but after we became an item, brothers started popping up into my facebook PYMK, and they lived in my area but had no common friends. Their profiles were also very private.
She doesn’t know herself deeply, and every so often, I would hear how she would reach out to friends or an ex who knew her a long time, to discuss how she should feel about a certain situation. We talked, alot, every day for at least two hours.
She gas lighted the fuck out of me. Anytime something she put somewhere isn’t there, she get’s super concerned, her recall is super, and any chance it could be failing her scares the fuck out of her. This applied to even the most insignificant things that we don’t give a fuck about. And she liked to wake me up randomly in my sleep, under the pretense of stopping my snoring. Now I can only sleep a few hours a night… She attempted physical abuse, at which I flipped the fuck out, and hasn’t tried it since.
Anytime I question shit, I am trying to make her wrong, and it all gets turned back on me. I got a genuine apology once, when I made it clear that a qualified apology wouldn’t be accepted.
The fucking is always good. Like 90% of the time. What is different about it, is her sexual recovery. She is like a man. Once she comes, she is sore for a half hour at least. I think this is due to testosterone influence.
She detests weakness, and genetic infirmity. Things like bad teeth, eye glasses, and being fat, she hates. She also hates people who aren’t direct communicators.
She hates dirt, grime, and uncleanliness. Spots or holes in clothing, even if minor. Her fridge is full of spoiled food and leftovers though.
Her health is huge, she’s a hypochondriac, and sensitive to even the smallest imbalance of health supplements. I applauded her care, but she said I wouldn’t feel that way if I knew where it was coming from. She hasn’t been careful with her health until recent years, when it started giving out after a lifetime of abuse with drugs, alcohol, and junk food. Even still, for all her paying lip service to health, she indulges in alot of bad dietary shit that she knows is not good for her. Her delusion is, that as long as she doesn’t know for sure that it is bad, like by a lab test, then it can’t manifest bad results in her. Lol.
I come from a family of cluster b personality types, and seriously, she could be my sister. My sister however, is Christian, and believes in some kind of cosmic accountability. My girlfriend on the other hand, hates God, and has even slipped that she believes she is godlike. She believes in the universe, as in magical thinking will manifest things she wants in her life.
I do love her to death, and believe she is the love of my life. Her narrative in the beginning was always that she was looking for love, the love of her life, too. She said casual sex was never in her past. I found some shit on her phone, and brought it up. She accused me of being paranoid delusional unworthy of love, and I said no contact until I hear the truth. It’s probably over.
Her mask is… almost flawless. It slips when we’re around other people and she puts on a show of her dominance. She devalued me in front of a group. I didn’t put up with that shit. After I call out her shit, she is on good behavior for a while. I guess I don’t care what I don’t know about, but still demand the truth when I catch her lying. She also takes delight in parading my faults in front of her friends, under the guise of seeking advice about our situation. FML. I told her I had a same sex relationship once, and everybody in her circle knows now, and it even comes out when she can get traction out of it. The only reason I told her, is because she said some sound byte about being attracted to women once. But, my policy has always been 100% honesty with her, and occasionally it has been to my detriment.
She always likes to instill micro doubts here and there… Like little reminders that she’ll be okay without me, and it wouldn’t be long before she found somebody else. I guess we’ll see. I told her to knock that shit off too. I think her pussy creams anytime she hears, ‘you can’t do that.’
She is my best friend. Somehow I feel like in the end…. it’s going to be just her though. Like she will bury me. Another thing, once she’s used up and old, she wants to kill herself. And if she ever gets paralysed or terminally ill, I am under obligation to put her down. I pray for her every day. I sincerely hope there is help for her… But I can’t be the help she needs, my kid needs me too! She doesn’t ever want kids. Talks about she likes the idea, and what it looks like, but not the reality. If she got pregnant and kept it, it’s mine to care for. She doesn’t want it to wreck her body though. She is not narcissistic, except maybe where sociopathy and npd overlap. She prefers brutal honesty and painful common sense above all.
I wish I could trust her. In spite of all her narrative attempts to build trust, reputation maintenance, and situational discussion, I don’t trust her. I did before, because I am empathic, and found similar ways and past behavior in myself. The emotional manipulation is too much though…. It’s too obvious now where it comes from.
Thank you for sharing.
I dont buy it. True sociopaths are not that self aware and they would certainly not bother composing a post to help their victims.