Do sociopaths ever go away – for good – forever?

Did anyone meet a sociopath who went away for ever?


As some of you might know I was recently sick in the hospital..i was pretty I’ll. 

I put a message on the Facebook page to say that I wasn’t well and wouldn’t be posting or responding to emails/comments. 

Within what must have been less than 24 maybe 12 hours…. I had a voicemail message from sociopath.

Now this is bearing in mind we hadn’t spoken or seen each other since 2015. 

His voicemail was of the tone of someone stood by the side of a grave waiting for the coffin to go down… I almost expected him to burst into tears. It was that tone. Similar to the one where he was clutching the picture of his daughter in a frame, distressed that she was about to become half orphan (only she wasn’t that was a lie) … this is what it reminded me of.

He said he would have come to the hospital but was scared he would end up getting arrested by police for stalking.

Which was kind of funny as I had feared once I had the voicemail realising he now knew my house was empty… what if I hadn’t locked up and he robbed my house? I had called police and asked if they were in my area could they please check house was locked..

I don’t think sociopaths ever go away. Even when they are being quiet. I don’t know how he has the time to…

A) focus on his new target
B) stalk exes accounts (not just mine)
C) do what else he needs to do

Where do sociopaths get the time? I barely have enough time to keep up with my own life… let alone monitor everyone else.

He says it is because he ‘cares’ about me. We all know sociopaths care about one person ‘themselves’… if he cared it was because it was in his interest to care.

Anyway…. I did see him for a coffee when I came out from hospital. He was back to pathological lying and hiding.  Said he was out of my city for 3 to 6 months. 

I thought that this probably means is he is living with another unsuspecting victim. Will need to save up enough money… could take 3 or 6 months.

I thought how he did the same to me. It then annoyed me how I was back trying to undo the pieces of the puzzle and work out what he was up to. Why the he’ll did I find his psycho behaviour so intriguing anyway?

My mum had heard his voicemail while I was in the hospital. Said “oh that is nice”…

I reminded my mum that his voicemail was obviously in front of someone else as it contained key sentences like

-we split up a long time ago
-I know we are not together
-I know we have separate lives

Etc etc… sentences he repeatedly stressed, which wasn’t for my benefit, I was sick in hospital, total performance. Sociopaths are actors and will use any situation to their own benefit -if they can.

Sicknesses and hospitals are perfect as it pulls on the targets heart strings and sense of care and is of course perfect time to test how far they can go…

I don’t think they ever go away but I really do wonder where they  get the time?

All is quiet now. … for now..i know he will pop back up. At some point… he always does.

Did anyone meet a sociopath who went away for ever?

Copyright 2016

298 thoughts on “Do sociopaths ever go away – for good – forever?”

  1. I think mine sociopath is gone forever. It’s only been about a month since the cold and nasty discard, but I honestly don’t think I’ll hear from hear again. As nasty as he was I was nastier. I’ll admit ( before I found out that he was a sociopath) I emailed him that I missed him and wanted to see him. He’s ignored the emails. He’s done which is a blessing for me!! He’s on to the next victim.

    1. Hmm sociopath I knew would not really ignore for long simply because it was another source of supply ‘just in case’ also he loved the duping and conning aspect too. I hope you are right and yours is gone forever. … it’s hard to know at one month. They often resurface at 3 to six months.

      1. Mine turns up again and again. One time it was 6 months. I was shocked. So one month isn’t much time to be sure.

      2. I agree Kate. .often just as you have your life sorted out and you feel strong they pop back up.

        Because you feel strong you think you can reply. It’s a bit like the person who quit smoking and six months down the line out having a drink and think that they can have one puff of a cigarette.

        They can’t….. sociopaths are a bit like that. I know mine really well. Had known he was a sociopath for years …I have to be honest as much as I knew his ability to hide dupe and con was always above all else.

        They don’t change. They just get better at hiding.

      3. Mine disappeared for 17 years and then came back. I forgive myself because I didn’t know back then what he was and only put the pieces together about 8 months ago. I walked out in November of 2015 and figured out his story. You just have to visualize them as large locusts with hollow insides that feed on everything until they have eaten everything and then they move on. I read a book recently as I was doing my research and got my head on. I am about 95% healed at this point, but am anxious to get on with it. They are not human and you were not to blame and they can’t ever be fixed. They came out of the womb that way. Read everything you can to validate yourself and leave him behind. Best wishes.

      4. My Socio was quiet for 2.5 months before making contact to tell me that I owed them monies for a cell phone bill which I had clearly removed myself from months prior. I stood my ground and I haven’t heard from them since. Five months has passed since their last contact. I’m feeling positive that I will not be contacted again since I’m not playing into the games…I’ve remained happy and confident and have deviated from my Socio’s Script.

    2. Mine too! Over 5 years out, and I have yet to hear from him! He’s got a well to do rich matron who has put him Easy Street by giving him co-ownership of all her financial assets! Her mistake, but better her than me!

    3. Give it six months he will be back. Mine cheated, raged, is currently engaged but spends a lot of time re grooming me. I just agree, remain polite this method confuses him. He has the time to groom / stalk me, be engaged to his lady & operate as a single online.
      He comes and goes, I accept one day he will disappear i when the excitement of a new conquest is happening, its not worth explaining emotional logic or morals to these men, they can’t love, feel or empathise.

      1. @ passengeroftheroad… I really don’t think that I’ll ever hear from my sociopath again. As I’ve stated before I’m not the average victim. I am very unpredictable and was more than he bargained for. He can get easier prey out there than me. He paid for EVERYTHING that he’s ever done to me. It’s funny because our situation is reversed… He’s blocked me, won’t answer emails ( I was texting and emailing before I knew what he was). He told me before that he knows what I’m capable of when I’m hurt or angry, I think it’s just not worth it so he moved on for good. And I’ve exposed him to people who matter to him. We were together for only 8 months. I miss the ” man” that o thought he was.

      2. He was just mirroring your ideal man, he had to do that cos no way on earth was he going to live up to the visual image of the right man that you have inside your head. So he faked to be him. This is more that you have good standards – I am sure he is now mirroring someone else’s perfect man.

  2. over a month ago I told the Sociopath that was in my life to stay out of my life. received one quick email response from him immediately after my statement to him saying “Then don’t email me…none” never heard from him again and hope not to.
    took a trip to Costa Rica and found renewal for myself in that journey. I don’t wake up thinking of him like I used to. I don’t feel him in my heart in the way I used to which was nothing but a hook! I can still love but I don’t have to have those around me that bring only pain into my life. Those that lie and betray your trust. Sad that people live that way.

  3. It’s been over a year for me.
    Although I know he’s out there, he has no reason to contact me that I can even think of.
    He’s with his new target, and I’ve completely moved on. I screamed at him the last time we spoke and half called him out, not that it would stop someone like him but it makes me feel that he has no reason to pretend to care anymore.
    Honestly only time will tell.

  4. You wrote: I don’t think they ever go away but I really do wonder where they get the time?
    All is quiet now. … for now..i know he will pop back up. At some point… he always does.
    Did anyone meet a sociopath who went away for ever?

    My reply: Now that I think about it; if they’re not trying to make direct contact they use surrogates….this is especially true online. I told Second Life sociopath that I wanted no more contact seven months ago. She continues to lurk in my groups, and last week I learned that she told someone I’m trolling her. I haven’t even thought about her. Perhaps the most interesting thing about this sociopath is her inability to control her rage which causes people to realize that she is the problem.

  5. I was *just* wondering these the other day. Mine was off and on for almost six years (yes, I let it, until last year) and I agree about both the other targets/victims/supplies and the “catching myself putting time into figuring out how/why they time it” when I should let it go. Each time I thought she was gone for good: each time, she chose either a sympathetic (to her) day to call/show up, depending on how successful my tech blocks were. I later found she created new social media/email accounts to bypass blocks, etc. to those who say after one month “they’re gone”, I’m happy for you but mine waited a year-longest to check back in. Move on but always be aware they return, if nothing else to gauge their chances.
    (Glad you’re better, PG).

    1. Yes indeed jk all that I do know is that he said he would be out of the city for 3 to six months. I know lease for his flat was coming to an end Jan and the rent was going up. So, he was being nice to me in November/December. I wasn’t buying it though. He ended up crying Christmas day when I didn’t eat dinner with him. Sent me a ‘goodbye’ email to a dating site profile I had. I then had a new year message. .. then another in Jan. I didn’t reply.

      This man has so many aliases. Out of curiosity I saw him when I came out of hospital. Sometimes I think he deliberately tells me false conflicting information to keep me thinking.

      But… I am doing well. 2015 was about emotional healing. 2016 is going to be about the physical rebuilding of my life. Nice to hear from you!!

  6. I’m 9 months in. I blocked him, but one voicemail went into my blocked messages file. At first (I didn’t talk to him about it, but blocked him on my phone and my big dog barked him away when he tried to visit 3 times). Other than that, that was it. I truly believes he knows I caught on to him, he couldn’t get anything else out of me, it was no more fun for him when he could find someone new who would idolize him as I had once done. I do think it’s, possible, depending on the SP and were the relationship stood at the time of the initiation of NC. Good luck to you.

  7. You mentioned that you met him for coffee after you gotmout of the hospital – haven’t you advised “no contact”? What was the purpose of meeting him, when you know he will feed you more bullshit and lies?

  8. The ex finally stayed away. (Notice how I say “the” ex and not “my” ex. My ties are cut in ALL ways). It’s been over two years. Here’s how I did it: I CONFRONTED him with PROOF of what he’s been up to, (living 3 different lives). He was embarrassed and was never seen or heard from again. I am VERY fortunate.

  9. My sociopath seems a little different from what’s been described on this site. He actually blocked me earlier this month. Like I said I wasn’t your average ” victim “. Our relationship was only about 9-10 months. He’s pretty much always dud the breaking up because when I get pissed he paid dearly!!! I think I’m one of the few who actually got my money back… And then some!! I blackmailed him into paying me twice what he owed me. According to him I hurt him with my words ( I’m vicious when pissed or hurt). The last time I found out that he lied I said something that I knew would hurt him!! He lashed out immaturely and blocked me. I just found out this week that he’s a sociopath so I hope he keeps no contact. Oh I’m he’s on to the next one. Poor thing!!

    1. How long since you last heard from him cindy? In my experience if it has ended amicable either not a sociopath or still not done with you. Psychos always destroy once they are done with it.

      1. Oh he is a SOCIOPATH!!! I’m just not your typical victim and he’s a little afraid of my retaliations. He’s never been aggressive or violent. But pathological liar, serial cheater, arrogant, huge ego, no empathy, compassion, no accountability for his actions, etc… He’s all it that!!!

      2. I agree! Not all psychos socios and cluster B’s are extrovert over the top, some are cerebral and covert, like to do their dirty work in an underhanded manner. And I’d also like to say everyone of our experiences are unique to us and while all cluster B’s share similar characteristics, the mode in which they demolish may differ from victim to victim. So I say we are all experts at our own experience with these monsters, where one story or situation is no more or less worse or validated than any other

      3. Hey Cindy, I hope you didn’t feel that your experiences were being demeaned there is no right/wrong. it is how you feel that is important. We don’t offer diagnosis of people here. I write for victims of sociopathic abuse and keep advice related to that, as the advice is different to what I would give to someone who was victim of narcissist or other type of abuse!

  10. I dont think they ever go away. My sister lost her husband last year. My ex, with whom I’ve had no contact for years, gave sis a generous donation. My sis threw it in my face. The kids want to know if we are getting back together. They wait and pounce. I never contacted ex to say thank you. That door is closed.

    1. Yes you are so right. .and it doesn’t even matter whether you acknowledge or not they still hover. Does he see your children? It’s the lies that they tell …. causes so much damage.

      1. I’m sorry. I should have clarified. They are my sister’s children. They knew ex when we were together and saw how he was, and hated him. Their grief is blinding them now and making them second guess. Sick.

  11. February 7th. It was ugly!!! He called me crazy bitches, had his mother call me. His parting words to me were ” Cindy accept that I lied to you for months… I’m sorry” and ” I got a date with a beautiful, intelligent and old woman… Blocking you bitch!” My feeling is he’s gone for good.

  12. They do come back — or at least try. That’s why we block them on FB, Block them on our phones, our email (Or change the email address) block them on WhatsApp and on all our social media. I never answer numbers that say “unavailable” or “blocked”. — The freak who hijacked my life doesn’t contact me directly other than through an old email that I had when we were married and only with things that could be going out to his entire address book like invitations to join Linkedin kind-of-thing. — He does however call me “evil” to other people to this day (3 years later) and that I only know because a woman I was trying to reach by private FB message that went into her “other” folder because we aren’t FB friends 3 years ago for annulment trial evidence answered me only a few days ago. — I replied to her telling her I didn’t need any evidence of his dalliances and abandoned children anymore but filled her in a little thinking maybe she needed help now with him. Nope. She was still his “Friend”. So she gave him the message with what told her about him in it. Such as hes a sociopath, a criminal, has 6 abandoned kids, steals, everything about him is a lie, worse and worse, etc. and etc. He didn’t answer me – but he sent an email to the mother of one of the abandoned kids (we escaped him simultaneously with each others support) – he told her he doesn’t support that child because she teamed up with evil (me.) – Ans she only knows this because she didn’t block him in her email. — Okay so sociopaths do things for two reasons: to get what they want and to not get caught. As it turns out he’s back in the town where the mom with the child lives – he thinks she and I being friends is soooo bad that it will be legitimate reason not to pay the child support he owes. – He knows she has filed papers against him and in Germany they take that incredibly seriously.— He’s building his case to not pay her child support – based on her siding with evil: me. — BLOCK them on everything. Block everyone ever associated with them who still thinks he or she is peachy. Change our door locks or move.

    1. I can’t not answer private calls. If I do that I miss important calls. For example doctors will come up private number. Lawyers came up private number. Lots of important calls come up private number. When I was still emotionally involved a long time ago now I would put the phone down when it was him switch my phone off. These days he very rarely contacts me anyway. He will always pop up… I am interested what goes on in his sociopathic life… also I wonder if karma has come yet!…

    1. I understand cindy. I remember feeling that way. Sometimes I still feel the destroyed that my life was destroyed. Not so much discarded as I didn’t want to be with him, I grew tired of his repeated patterns and his need for destruction.

      He didn’t discard you. He just discarded that particular skin he was wearing and put on a new one. He discarded that skin. Not you.

      They get bored and have to do this. Just to reinvent the wheel become a different person. Someone new who will fall in love and be suckered in by the lies.

      New victims are good and make them feel good as they don’t ask questions.

      You can heal and recover.

    2. Dear Cindy

      You have been set free. You can now rediscover and love all the things that make you Cindy. It will take awhile. This site will help you. This site and positivagirl
      and all who post are blessings who walk among us. One day you will be SO STRONG you will help others.

      Seek out friends, support. Do not harm yourself. I have many printouts from this site that i read and reread all the time. This helped me heal.

      In time I hope you will agree with my first sentence to you.

      Yours in strength and support,



  13. I don’t think they do. Especially towards the ones that discovered who they are and decided to walk away from them. I think ex narcs will always hover around any old ex that dumped them, walked away, or just went no contact. You have to remember narcs are competitive so dumping one leaves unfinished business in their mind. So they try the YoYo technique to rope you in just to mangle you and spit you out. Including the one you’ve maintained an honest arms length relationship with. The mentality is all the same. Competitive and you will always be mine

      1. Their reasoning is ridiculous but child like. In other words, how dare you dump me and not give a damn about me anymore, I do the dumping around here not you type crap they think. So they will YoYo back in just to try and get that last dig.

        I say never let them see you sweat, but be sure to let them see you smile. And be sure to give them the finger, using all your digits of course as you wave to them passing by 🙂

  14. My sociopath had a very large payday during our divorce and after while I was trying to reconcile. She has remarried to a former cocaine addict who has no money of his own. I have had no contact with her and have no intent to do so. I doubt I will hear from her until or if she goes through the many millions I gave her. I view this as very positive for me personally.

      1. Hard to say. He is a building contractor. She may want his help in flipping houses. She may also be trying drugs.

    1. She’s gonna get burned by the new hubby, and that will be her new main focus of anger and resentment. Then, she may come crawling back with a pity play looking to triangulate you and her new hubby, just to get off on how “grandiose” she is. How funny would it be you and hubby looked at her and laughed, then went for some beers? That’ll burn a hole in her brain

  15. @positivegirl… I’ve passed the hurt stage. I’m just finding out this week that he’s a sociopath, I’m shocked and I feel empty. I’ve never experienced anyone like this before!!! I loved him deeply and although he never said he loved me he said he cared about me a lot. He lied to me from day 1 about having time to spend with me. We did work together so he would have lunch with me daily and I would spend nights with him but never on the weekend or holidays. He lied about having his son, a sick dad and other excuses. When asked why he didn’t spend time with me he said ” I just didn’t want to outside of sex”. Wow!!! But told me weekly how he was trying to make time to spend with me. It hurts so bad and left me so confused!!! I pray that I’ll never be tempted to go back. How do the get us in so deeply in love with them??!!

    1. It is pretty honest to say “I didn’t want to outside of sex” I would imagine a narcissist to say this but a sociopath would keep spinning the line to keep you hanging on a string. Heck they would keep you on the string even when they have moved on and are with someone else (or 2 or 3 people)

      1. Mine was seeing several women at a time, he told me that at the time of discard he was also married which I found out 3 months in the relationship but by then I was really hooked.

  16. I told you I wasn’t your typical ” victim”. I think he really wanted to get rid of me. I was too much of a problem for him. Lol!! I exposed him to his wife ( who I found out he wasn’t divorcing), her family and his family. We started communicating and spent the night together once. I pressed him for answers to all my unanswered questions and the lies. He got frustrated and said he didn’t spend much time with me because he didn’t want to. I got even a enrolled him on a gay dating site. Lol!!! He was livid!!! We exchanged words and he blocked me. He’s gone… I can start to heal!! As long as he wanted me I wanted him. I did all that to makes him so mad that he wouldn’t want me. It worked.

  17. The wife is working in a different country on a contract. He cheated on her 1 month after she went to Dubai ( 4 months after they married) the latest affair. Initially wife was going to divorce him. During his time with me they were talking reconciliation ( unbeknownst to me) the wife to me this. I don’t think she’s supporting him but she’s an enabler. He is definitely a sociopath but I wasn’t what he bargained for in a victim. I think the main reason that he won’t try to come back to me I’ve exposed him. I sent the wife and her family our texts, sexts and pictures. He was enraged but wanted to be with me after about a month.

    1. The covert ones are very sneaky and don’t tend to show anger with retaliation much off the bat. But you best believe, it’s stored in their memory banks and they’re planning revenge. Typically what I find the covert narc strategy is sneaking back in like nothing happened, whether you busted them is irrelevant because their main intention is to destroy you at that point. And before you let them back in the smear campaign has begun to help them paint whatever picture they want, and use any technique they can to illicit a reaction out of you to prove it

      1. @bluegal… I don’t know, the whole time that we were seeing each other I never saw violence or even retaliation from him. I think he’s actually afraid of my retaliation. I’ve done a lot to him over the months and not once did he retaliate. He knows it will hurt me more to ignore me and move on.

  18. I did but he told me that he was divorcing her because she cheated. He told me that he was filing for divorce that week. Smh!!! A piece of work. It was 10 months later when I suspected something was up with the marriage and FB messaged his wife.

      1. Yep!!! I’m new to this. It’s been a rough week. He’s a monster to me now. They leave you empty and damaged…. And move on to the next one.

      2. Mine kept his online dating profile there but had it ‘hidden’ so he still kept multiple supply.

        I said to him how upset I was with him as opportunities in my life and finances that should have been for me to rebuild my life. Were taken by him. Leaving me with nothing. I could have had that to meet the right man… not wasted it with him.

        His reply was simple but probably honest in how he sees it….

        He said “yes but at least you know when you do meet someone they will want you for you, nothing else”. I don’t think he got the point, until I met him it never occurred to me that somebody wouldn’t.

  19. Yes I think sociopaths can go away forever, POTENTIALLY.

    I left my socio in Sept 2015 and thought I’d escaped the clutches of death. Two months later I was back, and he was a different man. No longer depressed, no longer afraid of me leaving him.. two months after that he proposed and I said yes. Then an event happened which has spiralled him back into his depression, and his sociopathic traits have resurfaced. The pathological lying, the secret porn, saying he isn’t interested in sex but then masturbating a lot, placing personals ads on Craigslist for attention, ignoring me, the false promises, the drugs, the OCD, the neediness (“do you love me?”).. It is just like before. And I am TERRIFIED. But when he was happy, NONE of that was there. I went and saw his longterm treating doctor and he thinks it is connected to his mother and having depression, and that he does not always behave sociopathically (negatively).

    He seriously just doesn’t know he is doing it. He just thinks he is depressed and says he is pulling away from me, because he is paranoid I will leave him, because by being depressed ive somehow disappointed him (great childrearing there, mother in law).

    Long story short, I’m riding it out .. For now. If he doesn’t/cannot change back to the amazing, vibrant, intelligent, funny non-sociopathic man I fell in love with a few months back .. I gotta cut and run.

    1. Ugh you sound like me and my life in 2014. It was so easy to go back. Getting out was much harder. I hope it is easier for you. Your experience sounds very similar to mine. I took him back in 2014. We did normal things. He was finally working paying his way…. but as you said his sociopathic traits started to creep back in. Until it was full blown again.

      1. I have heard if you fight back when they have a go at you (figjt/accuse/gaslight you) that they respect you more. This works well for me. I shall wait and see whether he comes back. There IS a human part of him there. I’m BPD comorbid AsPD, he is AsPD comorbid BPD and we share a lot of traits. Maybe we should just play games and self destruct…

      2. Yes but you end up exhausted. I was continually fighting. It took its toll on my physical appearance (aged me) .. also my mental health.

        I was on alert all the time. This stance can be done short term..I wouldn’t recommend it long term.

      3. Yes, that is what happened last time.. My self destructive behaviours (and his) are back, they are comforting, lifelong coping mechanisms that are too hard to break out of without therapy – which I have organised to begin (Schema Therapy yay).

        You are so right about the ageing thing. I felt like I had aged about a million years… I told his family the old H*** is back.. But that was before the switch. Now they will think I’m crazy. Or after their money. Or that I am a masochist. Typical Borderline,can only get my self-worth from the opinions from others haha.

        Seriously though, do you think I should confront him about my feelings? I have voiced several times that I’m terrified he’s ‘gone back’ (he knows I think he’s a sociopath). What is your opinion? We are getting married for geez sakes. I love this man and want to help him.. But maybe I just cannot.

        Please asvise. X

      4. You can’t help him if he is a sociopath. If I am honest I like the one who was in my life. Despite his sociopathic destruction. But it was the toll it placed on my health. You know I didn’t know how bad that was until I got out and had stayed out for a considerable period (year plus) of time. I understand how it feels to want it to work. I did too. Truth is they can’t change. They will have to hone the spotlight on you and squeeze the life out of you. I would seriously think about marriage… do you think that is a good idea ?

    2. He won’t change. You see he thought he could so donned a new mask to be who you wanted to see. But he couldn’t keep it up. He might have wanted to. But… somewhere when things are going right…. it is like they feel uncomfortable with that and have to press destruct. Bad news is the destruct is worse than you can see right now for much is what you cannot see.

    1. Yes… this means his anger, narc rage and resentment of you is back. I hope you get out safely . It took me six months to get out. He became worse and worse over those final six months….

      1. I just finished a weekend meeting his parents.. He was NOT lying when he said it was largely his mother’s fault that he has these traits. She is tyrannical, sadistic and completely entitled, all under the guise of a caring mum.

        He flipped into an extreme version of Self-Aggrandiser mode – right on the evening of our engagement party – and the moment she left the house this morning, he reverted back to Happy Child. I find it fascinating and I feel so so sorry for how his mother spoils his siblings and psychologically tortures him.

        At the dinner, IN FRONT OF EVERYONE, he gave him his engagement gift: an 18-carat gold fountain pen, owned by her father.. Who sexually abused him as a child.

        And she said ‘smile!’ And took a photo. He said to me “it’s ok, I’m used to it, it doesn’t even affect me” then spent the rest of our engagement party telling grandiose stories about prior love interests and ogling women.

        He’s back now. But for how long…

  20. Mine has at least for now. I always have a feeling one day he will reappear, even though he totally destroyed me when he left. It was bad! So much better off without him!

    1. I haven’t experienced this destroying thing you all speak of. I think someone mentioned if you fight back they respect you and back down. I’ve always checked him on his bs… The worse thing he did was ignore and break it off with me.

      1. Psychos can kill you off metaphorically if not physically. They strive for control. When they can no longer control you, they will control how others see you.

  21. Mine has been gone exactly ten months today he’s not coming back why should he, he is on many dating sites which I believe they are playground for sociopaths and narcissists and other cluster B personality types. He has an endless supply of non suspecting targets and he has a harem of women that he has them in different stages idealization, devaluation, and discard he’s too busy to chase after the discarded ones unless there is something very special about that person he needs. I don’t think all sociopath’s come back.

    1. It’s part of the illusion to create confusion..

      By being helpful in front of your face you won’t notice what is going on behind your back.

      Or alternatively sometimes they can be this way naturally it’s just that lack of impulse that always screws things up.

      1. I think they’re nice to strangers or anyone who doesn’t know them, because it’s part of the lather rinse repeat routine. They need supply and any supply will do. I find when they’re desperate they seek out anyone, and do favors, bend over backwards to be helpful because they’re are starving inside from due to lack of supply because everyone else in their circle found them out so there’s no one left to use. New supply and strangers are used to impress old victims because new victims are told the same pity play recurring story of the narc being the victim.

      2. Many of them have people around them who don’t and won’t believe that they are ‘bad’. Simply because the psycho makes them feel good. They like to find new people, because they get bored. It is no offence, they just get bored.

        They have to act, and its acting all day long. New people give new acting roles, new people to mirror, and of course, a brand new start. Often they believe that this time, it will be different. They have ‘learned their lesson’. They often tell this to the former and current victim too. The former victim feels hurt that they have moved on. The current victim feels that they have a prize of a person who has worked hard on themselves and learned a lot of lessons (they will tell current victim this too) – confessing often of past sins, but that they learned their lesson and will never do this again.

        This final part, I do think that they believe, if they have met someone that they like. Often they meet people with only the intention to use – for what they want.

      3. I have another theory, that, along with the helpfulness being used to seem normal or to get a favour at a later date, it is to overcompensate for their Emotional Deprivation and Defectiveness schemas. My fiancé exhibits a lot of NPD traits when he is feeling emotionally deprived/neglected/”bad”, eg misogynistic dominance, verbal and non-verbal hostility, status- and recognition-seeking behaviours and remorseless manipulation/exploitation.

        So… Is helpfulness in psychos/socios also a narcissistic overcompensation? For example, one’s emotional needs are not being met –> the person feels they are a failure in the eyes of themselves/others –> by being overtly helpful, it feeds the Emotional Deprivation and Defectiveness schemas, and stops the person from feelings of emptiness and loneliness.

        Just a theory!

      4. I think that the over helpfulness is deceit and manipulation. The more helpful that they are, the more evil they are being behind the scenes. It is a cover up. Where they cover who they really are.

      5. I COMPLETELY AGREE!! It’s the hook in before they sink you. Manipulation and deceit under this guide Is meant to reel you in before they demolish you and spit you out

      6. I WATCHED it with him. Many many times! It is the ruse to cover up. Like wearing very heavy make up when you have a break out of spots! 🙂 The MORE that they are like this, believe me the more they have to hide. The other one is picking the fight, diversion tactics.

      7. OH MY JEEBUS!! So true!! Ex narc bought his way into his new supply after I dumped him, would go to her house and do gardening, but her expensive handbags he knew I had wanted, turns out she’s a narc too. Then he dumps her, she was already onto the next victim and he was busy stalking me and sabotaging my car, all the while vehemently looking for new supply on numerous dating sites. I think he recently found a new victim because he’s back on eBay loading up on cheap trinkets to dole out like he’s a gift giving Donald Trump

    2. Helpful?? I think help is the wrong word. I’d say more like enlightenment or serving an important life lessons of the real faces of evil look normal, but helpful is a stretch. Especially being that their existence to humanity serves no purpose other than to destroy other normal humans, they should all be executed because there is no psychological, moral, or emotional redemption within them. Total waste of space and organic material

      1. For their own manipulative gain of course – and the help they offer you – will be more expensive than you could possibly imagine. But of course, they offer help – for free. It isn’t.

        With last one finally I got it, I learned the lesson (after 3 in a row) to love me.

  22. Mine used to say “i’m just trying to be a good person”.
    Most people don’t need to try! they help others because they want to and don’t expect something back in return.
    In my case it was all about him creating this perfectly nice guy persona to the outside world. If I had family round, he’d whip out the ironing board he was almost visably in panic mode. Odd.
    There was always something in it for him. Sometimes it’s just acknowledgement I think as he had a critical parent.
    Even now divorced it’s like a competition, any small chance to have more friends locally, earn more, a bigger car etc. I really don’t care but still find it tiring.

    1. Yes Sadie!! 🙂

      I would hear…

      ‘I am a changed man’
      ‘I have grown up now’
      ‘I have learned from the past’

      I experienced the same. The competition is about winning, being in control. Even when they have moved on, and are with someone else, they STILL have to win, be in control and better than you. It never stops, and is, exhausting.

  23. Mine’s gone. He’s dead. No. I didn’t kill him. How do we find the time? Less need for sleep. Why did he come back? You said it, Positive. You are still fascinated.

    1. Of course. I worked my entire life understanding people. I studied Psychology, Sociology, and later Counselling and life coaching. Of course people, the way that people interact, psychology of the brain fascinates me. It always has done.

      I do think that you misunderstood the post. I didn’t say ‘how do I find the time?’…. am unsure why you would think I did.

      1. You said, “How do THEY find the time.” I guess my comment was kind of cryptic. First part was speaking as the lover of a sociopath. The second part was about how sociopaths “find the time.” I can speak from both sides.

  24. Hello Positiva, it’s the first time I write here, and I would like to say “thank you” for this blog. It may seem a little exaggerated but this blog saved my life somehow. I’ve been reading your articles and the comments for months.

    Thanks to you I didn’t feel alone anymore, and I understood a lot of things. Whenever I felt bad or weak (=I wanted to contact my socio ex), I came here.
    It’s been 1 year and a half since the break up, and 4 months that I went NC.

    He knows that I know he’s a socio. I understood that alone, then I confronted him (with a fake profil at the beginning so he wouldn’t know which of his preys was speaking to him-> he couldn’t adjust his speech, and that way I found out many lies) and he admitted he has been diagnosed with sociopathy. Then he played with me again, it worked, but not totally since I kept in mind that he was lying and manipulating.
    At the time, he was still with his girlfriend (he cheated on me with her, and I bet this was not the only one) ; this woman left everything (family, friends, house) to live with him. I tried to warn her but she was then in the honeymoon period so she didn’t believe me, the crazy stalking ex. 🙂

    Anyway, I feel much better today. I sometimes wonder if he’s gonna contact me again, but I hope he won’t.
    There was no disregard the 2nd time I contacted him after the break up. He even told me that he was missing me, but I told him it was too difficult for me to be the “other woman”. There was no s*x though..That made me wonder if I was that bad that he didn’t try hard to sleep with me again. But I think it was important to let me think that he really learnt from his mistakes, as he said.
    Moreover, as I already tried to warn his GF before, (when I found out that he was with her while sending me cute messages and pretending he was alone since our break up – all of this before I understood who he was) maybe he was “afraid” that I would tell her again.
    [To explain : I tried to warn the GF the first time I contacted him since the break up ; when I discovered his lies I called his GF; he then totally ignored me. I was so shocked, I was so sure that he was a nice guy, I couldn’t believe it was the same guy I felt in love with. I wanted to understand what happened so bad took me weeks..but I succeeded..each piece of the puzzle were put together and led to sociopathy. That’s the moment when I contacted him the 2nd time, with a fake profile, to confont him.]

    Thanks to you I began to write my own blog (I’m french…This may explain my grammatical/spelling mistakes, sorry about that 😉 ) to speak about the spaths.
    I wanted to help people, like you helped me. I find that in France we’re not very aware of these mental disorders.
    I should have been aware of this though : my father is a psychopath. But since I only knew the dark side of him, the destruction part, I have never thought that the “devil” would hide behind the prince charming image. Why the quotes? Because it’s still difficult for me to believe my ex is only a monster. I think the suffering can lead to madness. I don’t justify this nor I forgive, but I can understand why someone may become a monster. Empath till the end, right…?
    To be honest, my blog ended to be a therapy for myself , more than a help for other people. I found out that I was nearly as crazy as my ex, but in a different way.

    Writing the way you did/and still do is a talent Positiva.

    I hope you’re totally healed now and I wish you the best for the future.


    1. Thank you so much for your comment. It means a lot to me. I write what I see, and I write from my heart.

      I think we are all a little bit crazy. It is the ones who seem to be very sane that you have to worry about!! 🙂 haha this is so true!

      I am an Empath too – so I can’t hate anybody. I learn from the experience, and then I help others with what I have learned. But I don’t hate.

      I don’t buy the whole ‘monster’ thing. I don’t think anybody as a human being is just a monster. Psychopathy is in the brain. I think it has strong connection with PTSD, for sociopaths in particular i believe that it is trauma based from childhood, and also growing in a household where there was a lot hidden behind the scenes (like alcoholism, cheating, drug addiction) something to be ashamed of. This sense of shame formed as part of their character in childhood. But as they are ashamed of it, they ‘hide’….

      Yes, I am feeling good. I didn’t write the last year while I worked on emotional healing. Thank you for your kind comments, it always means a lot to me when I read them!! 🙂

      1. I’m glad that my comment makes you happy then 🙂

        It’s true, the ones who seem sane may be the more dangerous ones in the end.
        In fact I have the mask thing too. I can act sane but in contrary of the socio/psycho I find this exhausting. I won’t describe my madness, but I can tell that the borderline disorder describes me perfectly.

        I agree with you about the trauma part. My ex told me his father was alcooholic, violent, and abused him sexually. He said he hated himself for being too weak. So he became strong, so no one can ever have control on him again. And he succeeded.

        We know that sociopaths enjoy telling sad stories, so I can’t tell whether this was a lie or not. But I don’t care anymore. Our paths are separated now, and I know he can’t change and doesn’t want to. And to be fair, if I was him, I wouldn’t change either.

        For the “where do they get the time” part, I can approve what nowve666 said : they don’t need much sleep. My ex is also very clever and has a strong memory, that helps a lot !

  25. My sociopath (husband) and I only split 2 weeks ago after yet another verbally nasty period from him. He seemed to think what had happened was a joke when relaying things to work coles guess but by text at first came at me angry that I had at last found the strength to fight back and when I wanted to ignore him.

    He has now returned to the caring husband he can be but it is now too little too late and I have too much knowledge to let him back into my life properly to control me. At the moment we do have to have contact due to work commitments but what he is unaware of is that I am looking for a new job and once it is obtained I will be away from there so less contact will be needed.

    The hard thing for me is that I lived and currently work with 2 sides of the same coin. My boss is either a sociopath or narcissist and my husband the other side who is a sociopath so it has been hard to work the strength to say enough is enough. Having a week off work helped.

    I don’t believe I will ever be free from contact of one or both of them ever but I will be free to conduct my life as I want it to be and I will be totally happy once more. That I am sure and your blog helps me to keep positive. Thank you.

    1. Hey Louise, you could get a new job. Maybe trying to get rid of both at the same time might be too overwhelming to achieve. But you could do it perhaps, one at a time? Only thing is, which one? If you left your job and got another while with your socio husband, he would tarnish your new job – and if you left the husband and continued with your job for a while – likely your boss would make your life hell, and wouldn’t be surprised if socio husband would work in partnership with him to do so……

      Stay positive….. make a plan. A good plan, an escape plan. A safe plan. You can do this!! 🙂

      1. Wow thank you for the reply. I am searching for a new job. I decided that had to be the first part of healing. My boss has also been who I would have said at one time my best friend but since working for him I realised that I have lived and worked with 2 sides of the same coin. My boss\friend is one side and husband the other – both are sociopaths. What’s scary at the moment is they are both being lovely and caring towards me but with help of 2 genuine friends I am seeing that for what it is. Neither of them can now work out what is going on in my head and can’t work out how to control me again.

        Your writing is also a huge help and others comments and stories of their lives so I thank you all. Once the new job is obtained the next stage of ‘divorcing’ my sociopaths will happen xx

      2. You are in danger in terms of your head really and what they do to your head. I often thought I didn’t know what was worse, to be yelled at – or to have that ‘soothing, calming, trust in me ….. manipulation’ (gosh I think of the snake and jungle book, trust in me when I think of that)……
        Good luck with finding the new job!! 🙂

  26. Sorry to hear you’ve been unwell. I’ve only briefly looked at any of my support pages for last couple of weeks now as all the information was getting to scary, and I wanted to focus my mental energy on myself instead of him for change.
    I haven’t heard from him for about 2 weeks now. I think no contact is working.
    Ive managed to block him out of my life thus far. That being said, I don’t believe he’ll ever piss off for long so I guess we have to get better at hiding, ignoring, and outsmarting.

    How terribly sad we got ourselves into this mess in the first place.

  27. It’s been a year right about this time. He was using an old email address but I deleted it last May. I changed my phone number, changed my email, and quit facebook. There is no way to even try.

  28. It’s been almost 2 and a half years since I last spoke to my former fiancé face to face. We did speak on the phone once and converse by text and email a few times after the whole episode finished but it’s still been about 2 years of no contact. I’ve never been tempted to get in touch with her and never will. I’ve closed several social networking accounts and covered my tracks . Hopefully she has no idea where I am or what I’m doing. I’m in a much happier place since we parted – my life is so much better . Of course there are days when I think about her a lot but this has become less intense as time has moved on. I have an amazing future to look forward to which I wouldn’t have if I was still with my fiancé.

  29. @positagirl… I posted my story on ” share your story” wall. Can you give me some feedback? I’m new to this and I’m struggling to understand what happened to me.

  30. I think mine may be gone forever. It has been since October of 2014 since I have heard from him. I had a order of protection served on him and he actually protested it so I had to go to court and see him. It was awful, just seeing him caused me to shake. I had called the police on him because he got physical with me and he said he would never forgive me for doing that. Ha! He was eventually charged and court proceedings are still pending. I think he is smart enough to not contact me because of the order of protection. Since that time I have met my now husband so maybe that will continue to keep him away. He is living with a new victim now …. same type of victim.. single mother with a daughter. I felt like I needed to warn her but then I just look like the crazy ex so I didn’t.

  31. It has almost been 9months since i have communicated with my sp. I do think of him everyday and wonder what he is doing. We live in separate cities which helps, but I still am so sad from all that took place. I think what i am most sad about is that it was all lies! Ugh. I just don’t understand how people can treat others this way. Do you think they know what they are doing?

    1. Hi sissy, yes sadly I think that they do. I think that has to be one of the most devastating things. How they do it deliberately. How they come with an agenda and leave with one too. Yes it is deliberate, calculated and on purpose. Yes they know what they are doing.

  32. Thank you for responding. I just am shocked still with the depth of lies. He made me feel like i was the best thing that ever happened to him. I believed him! I just struggle daily but am working hard! Do you think he will contact me again?
    I hope not, i truly do. I wonder daily if he is with someone else and if he is treating her the same way? I feel like such a fool.

    1. Hey sissy you are still healing. How long has it been again? (I see the comments as they come in so not the previous one that you wrote) – how long has he vanished for? You can now take this time to take back power of you and ensure that he CANT contact you again. Change passwords, put blocks on your phone, remove him from social networking, etc…. and when he is with her, initially he WILL seem like a different person, he has changed, he might even believe this himself. The only thing is that he is now mirroring HER and not YOU. So he seems different, for a while, then his old behaviour starts to creep in. He has to see how far he can go with lies. He wants to see how much he can manipulate and con. The lies creep in and the old behaviour starts all over again. Make sure that he cant contact you again. You are not a fool either, he is just expert at duping and conning. It could happen to anybody. It happened to me, and lots of us all over the world!! 🙂

  33. Hey, thank you for responding. It has been 9 months of absolutely no contact. do you think he will do this to another girl? and how long will it take for her to figure out i wonder.

    1. If he is a sociopath sissy his behaviour will mirror the person that he is with. He becomes who he is with. But those behaviour traits do have a tendency to repeat. Even when they don’t want it to. As for the rest I don’t know. While behaviour patterns can repeat. We are all individual people. Bring back the focus to you sissy. I know that this hurts, esp if you loved someone and they did this to you. Have a look at your life, and how you can start rebuilding your own life and getting it better.

  34. I stand amazed at all the comments on all of your posts! I feel like i am reading my story. ugh. What you post and how you are so spot on is amazing! I am realizing more and more every day about my Sp. He totally wooed me and flattered me just like you have described. Unbelievable what i see now.
    He was really hurtful in his words to me at the end. Like so hurtful i can’t get the words out of my head. It is awful. Why do they have to be so verbally abusive? Do they really feel all of these things that they say about us?

    1. Hey sissy now write down a list of all the words that he used to seduce you. These are the real words about you. The words that he said to hurt you. Write those down too and know that these are your fears these are the things you can work on so that this never happens to you again. It is not your fault he found your weaknesses then saved it for the end to throw at you. What a coward.

      1. Yes.
        Whenever I tried to call mine out he’d throw a barrage of abuse. So much so it would be me who’d go into silent mode (it’s how i’d learnt to cope with it I guess).
        The problem with you is, your problem is…the thing with you is… . It would go on and on and on with viens popping out pf his head.

        One day I decided enough was enough and told him to slow down because I needed to write all these terrible probllems that I apparently had down and how lucky I was he had stayed all that time when I was so terrible.
        He was slightly less scathing after that and knowing i’d finally realised that he’d got away with not answering questions he didn’t want to answer by doing this the game was up. Asking him how he could say such things his answer was that all couples argue and say things they don’t mean! Ok in the heat of the moment you may be called a couple of names but this was vicious, nasty and scathing. Scary actually.

        A few years down the line now, those words still hurt Sissy but I remind myself of it all now and again to realise what I escaped, especially when he’s being nice (to my face of course).
        My life is so much calmer, i’m not walking on eggshells. Yes, as I was back then I still pay all the bills, but I know exactly where my money goes, can finally take my kids on holiday because I haven’t got someone out spending it on others and trying to impress other people.

        You will get passed this and know that those evil things he said or called you are a reflection of him, not you.

        It takes time but you will come out the other side stronger. I know there is more drama and heartache to come but I finally feel strong enough to take him on. I’m ready for the next onslaught or rise he tries to get out of me.
        The only thing rising is my middle finger. 🙂

    2. My spare is currently at the stage of saying he accepts I’m not In his life any more then in the next message tells me I can still use the bath up at the house whenever I want. That was the initial draw that got me going back to him. I’m also getting do you want me to take you to the dentist. Do you want a joint of meat for easter weekend. I’ve been busy washing and ironing. All little reasons to contact but even though he keeps getting knocked back he keeps coming then I’ll get an f you you c I dont need you and I won’t ask again. My sp wont go away at the moment but he will eventually one way or another but I accept I have a long haul ahead of me that needs me to stay strong. We can all stay strong and survive them. Positive girl has proven it and this site or blog or whatever you call it is one of the things that keep me positive. Thanks Positive girl xx

      1. 🙂 in his head, its not a case of ‘if’ it is ‘when’ it doesn’t occur to him that he won’t lure you back, or even if that is an impossibility. It is a case of ‘when’…. and if you don’t comply eventually (as he doesn’t like to invest too much time in unproductive ventures he wants a return asap)…. then the threats start. Moving from trying to lure you in with love, to trying to contain and control you with fear. 😦 Sigh.

      2. A good way to get rid of him Louise is to tell him to no longer contact you. To block him phone, email, social networking, tell him if he does contact you – you will report to the police for harassment. And do so…. if continues to make contact with you!!

  35. That is a really good idea!
    Do you think they mean the words they say? Do they have absolutely no feelings at all?? I wonder…when they think of is, what do they think? Bad or good things?

    1. Hi Sissy,

      When you say ‘mean the words they say’ they are pathological liars. They can believe their lies, if they repeat those lies to enough people and play the character role for long enough.

      Feelings, no not much. They operate using their brains rather than their hearts. Although they are very good at feigning that they are coming from a place of the heart. They will make you feel bad that you are not caring enough (and will make this out to other people too)….

      What do they think? Of themselves, and their own needs and interests.

    1. One thing reading this blog for a few years has taught me: karma already nails them- they’re living a life where the only things that bring happiness (definitely not fulfillment) are power and control. I can’t do anything to them any worse than karma brings to them. I have known true happiness: they’re incapable of appreciating that.

      1. I believe their karma is becoming lonely from lack of supply. I also think as they get older they get sloppier in their mode of operation and skill set. Although they’ll never see anything they do as wrong because they disassociate their wrongdoings as if they had an out of body experience(it was somebody else not me) but the loneliness to them is like throwing water on the wicked witch of the west. No contact no supply looking like an idiot as they grow old and lazy at their ability to craftily manipulate is the greatest karma played out for them in real life you’ll ever get the chance to see. Then just walk by, smile, then continue to walk like they don’t exist. Greatest revenge ever!!

      2. @bluegal…. That made me smile!! That sounds like the best revenge EVER!!! I heard from my sociopath today. I smiled and ignored the email.

      3. I don’t think they care. I remember talking to a psychic, she had been in Spain, said that she was with a financial con man who had wiped all of her savings, typical socio, he was 66 and still in full swing. I don’t think they even care if they are older, they don’t take no for an answer ever…. I don’t think age would make them stop. No supply from you they have it elsewhere they don’t care. I reckon – they would be old and in the nursing home and STILL there doing the same thing!!

  36. Thanks all for your responses. Still so hard for me to imagine a human being can act this way. Mind blowing. It is hard to navigate this hell, but have been 9 months no contact. Dealing with the hurt is taking time. That’s what upsets me now! That I even have to spend time dealing with this on any level. I wish I could just push it away. Out of sight out of mind. Ugh. One thing I do know, is that time does heal all. I just want to be done with the thoughts, the hurtful words that he said that go thru my mind daily. I can’t wait to get that voice out of my head.

  37. Yes, deliberately! I go back to looking at where he came from. Like family background. Although I didn’t officially meet his parents I learned a lot just by being around him etc. His parents were divorced. His dad seemed to be a character with a funny sense of humor as was his, but his dad also seemed to be narcissi and he was gay. So, dad and mom were married and after sp finished college his parents got divorced. And that’s when his dad came out and said he was gay. So, I’m only assuming that what he saw was not good growing up.

  38. And I thought it was VERY interesting reading a comment that was posted on another post about by the time they are 15 they are pretty much hard wired.
    I so agree with this! But, honestly I would think they would be hard wired by kindergarten.
    I do feel strongly that they are products of their environment, do you? And I say this because my brother is exactly like my narcissistic father.

    1. I’ve read the same as well and I believe they are hard wired between the ages of 5-7 years old. Think about the bad ass kid at that age that’s just a bad ass for no reason. Or the kid at that age that’s quiet but sinister and likes abusing animals.. My ex “claimed” he was bullied a lot as a child. I don’t believe it. I think if anything, because he’s a covert type, his mouth got him in trouble because he didn’t know how to not insult people so people prolly kicked his ass and he played victim.

  39. I’m pretty sure they don’t care because they disassociate right from wrong in what they do. My point was that they do get karma but because of the disassociation they do they’ll never see it that way. Loneliness, lack of supply, no contact and very little human interaction with anyone IS karma for them. They starve without it. WE know a narc seeing karma is like Jesus coming down from heaven and inviting me to the Olive Garden for lunch. Its not gonna happen. But WE can see karma happening to them in a way they never will, and still I say that’s satisfying enough for me. They have to make valiant efforts to gain supply, think about it, how exhausting that is. I didn’t say they’ll stop as they get older I said they get sloppy, because they do. Its almost like the con is an effort and the expectation is just listen to me and do and think as I say. My father and mother(psychopath and sociopath respectively) are in their 80’s and still like to play the dangle the carrot game between my siblings and I, still scapegoat me because I don’t take their bullshit, still gaslight and triangulate all of us siblings against each other, all the while both of them playing the victim. They will be old and gray still doing they same stupid shit and never learn, this I know from my own personal experience, both inside family confines and out.

  40. The psychopathic brain uses both sides to process emotions, they switch empathy on and off willfully, the physiology is not ‘normal’

    They have to ‘win’ even when the prize is losing, that is the crazy but sane, anti-logic. why we cannot make sense of them until we find a labels, then we see the patterns and they are 100% predictable, finding all the cluster B info on life saving information.
    This is a good site

    1. Love this comment!! Makes perfect sense especially when you start to see the patterns. At that point it’s mind boggling how predictable they are, patterns are reliable reactionaries to the things they do once you learn to become observant of them without any emotional reaction towards them. You truly get to see HOW they operate

      1. I had no emotional connection until end 2013. I started this blog Feb 2013…. I knew he was a psycho summer of 2012. So yes… I agree it is why this blog was so specific.

  41. I am in the school system and deal with grades K-8. I can’t tell you the kindergartners that i know that already show major signs of sociopathic behaviors, narcississm and total disrespectful behaviors. It is mind blowing to me. I just think that the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree. And what is scary to me is that the parents seem to be just as sweet as pie, would never raise a voice or act ugly type. But, there is now way these kids can act like pure t monsters without seeing this behavior from some damn where.

    1. You should enable the nice children to recognise passive aggressive contradictions.
      Eg “can you get me some water please” could be a hostile request (order) or spoken with warmth. If the parents are like this the child will not be aware of the dissonance. It is helpful if this contradiction between words & expression is made explicit to very young children. as a teacher it’s the most important thing that you facilitate an understanding of tone as well as language.

  42. Yes, they can and do go away eventually, after a lot of effort and sometimes drastic measures on your own part.

  43. The brain of these androids is only one sided, they are incapable of creative thinking, imagining, the language they use is phrased as statements of facts they hate discussing ideas they listen & repeat to fresh audiences as if it was their own original thought.

    They can be very funny but sure they have stolen their material, jokes even mannerisms. They can perform in a band but again the creative parts are stolen without any credits.

    They do brilliantly at Work over limited periods , stealing ideas jargon, and stomping over colleagues & exploiting ideas which never originate in their brain.

    They have no way of entertaining themselves at all, it’s like they watch paint dry if left unsupervised.
    they will be feeding all day & night from others and the Internet is new source of theft. & challenge.

    I saw this lifestyle where there was never a dull moment, but after a few months it was all one big dull moment as in Groundhog Day my S has been doing this for 30 years and his ‘friends’ are now a decade younger, rather sad & nice but not vibrant singles.
    He hates it when one of them gets a partner & wills failure on their relationships.

  44. I thought about my ex and how he had to come off a dating site when I found him there. I was hurt and uoset he explained it as an over sight, being niave and made a big deal about deleting himself.
    I gave him the benefit of doubt I wanted to love him.
    When I left he had a new gf a week later, he had more than one profile I discovered so he hadn’t stopped being single at all.
    His new relationship looked wonderful on FB and it has lasted for over a year.
    He began hoovering me six months into this relationship, I checked his dating profiles and guess what he is still active.
    So he didn’t even learn that you risk your perfect relationship., will hurt the person you ‘love’ and it just is not respectful to use flirting as an ego boost.
    They cannt grow like normal people do, they say the right words but the words have no meaning to them. Emotive words are opportunities not emotions.

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