Life, is a challenge. In life, we have good and bad things happen to us. We all have this. Sometimes life goes good, sometimes life goes bad.
Sometimes we get a run of bad luck, and life feels pretty crappy. But we know, that the sun will shine again and life will get better. If not today, then someday.
Sociopathic influenced bad Luck
I was really unlucky when seven months after ending the relationship with the Narcissist I would meet the Sociopath. He walked into my life and started behaving like he was my long lost husband.
I thought that after the bad luck of the Narcissist relationship, that perhaps I was now in for a period of ‘good luck’.
We can’t have all bad luck relationships? Right? Some people are lessons and others are blessings? -Right?
On the ‘surface’ everything seemed to be perfect. Then so much bad luck happened, almost immediately:
- His place was burgled
- His ex became terminally ill with cancer
- He lost his job
- Then another and another
- None of those employers paid him
- His daughter became sick
- He became seriously physically unwell
- He had to suddenly move out to sort out all of the drama
- I started to upset and lose friends
- His grandfather let him down on money he owed him
- His ex had ruined his reputation, was a psycho and he had lost all of his friends
There was so much drama, and so much bad luck, I couldn’t believe it. How on earth can this be happening, right now?
I felt that pull in my stomach, the stress that I felt, the anxiety. I couldn’t believe that I had finally met somebody who felt so right for me, yet so many bad things were happening. There was no time to be able to just ‘live’ ‘have fun’ ‘celebrate meeting each other’, be happy’. Simply as so much time was spent on fire fighting what appeared to be seemingly very bad luck.
There was a part of me, three months into the relationship, after a daily assault of more and more bad luck, that was affecting me.
- His lack of money
- Losing jobs
- His having zero support network of family and friends
- Being totally 100% reliant on me, and his drama affecting my life and my own stability in life
The truth is….that there was NO BAD LUCK, EVERYTHING was Sociopath created -DELIBERATELY!
While I was used to life having ‘good luck, then bad luck’ the ups and downs of life. Being with the Sociopath there were no real ups. The ups were as manufactured by the Sociopath as the downs. The ups were always very short lived.
Sociopaths are plastic manufactured people – and they manufacture luck!
When you are with a Sociopath, you start to lose control of your own life, of your own luck, of your own destiny. Your life becomes owned and controlled in the hands of an abuser.
You will never be lucky with a Sociopath. If you were lucky with a Sociopath, they would ruin and destroy this for you by
- Being jealous
- Being insecure
- Needing to take over and be in control
You have no life. If you are in the relationship with a Sociopath, you are nothing but an empty shell, a puppet that the Sociopath takes control of, and plays with, for his or her own entertainment.
As a test going out there to people, tell me, how many of you experienced good luck being with the Sociopath (apart from the perceived good luck of being with them) AND hung on to what made them feel lucky?
Any of you?…. Just one?….
When you invite a Sociopath into your life. You invite BAD LUCK. Absolutely, without a shadow of a doubt, you INVITE BAD LUCK.
This isn’t bad luck because you are unlucky. It is bad luck that is MANUFACTURED by the Sociopath, to fuck you up, trip you up, make you look bad, weak, ruin your reputation and to strip from you, anything that is good in your life.
Sociopaths, are, to be frank, just damn UNLUCKY to be around.
Focusing on ‘missed opportunities’
Aside from turning your world upside down, the Sociopath additional to this, will focus on what we will refer to as your ‘missed opportunities’ in life. Is there:
- Something you want
- Something you need to achieve
- Something that was taken from you that you want returned?
- Somewhere that you want to travel to?
Anything really, think about those missed opportunities in life, the Sociopath will offer to fulfil the gap and provide them for you. Sociopaths not only create bad luck (DELIBERATELY), they also hone in on YOUR life and offer to fill the vacancy that you are advertising to be filled.
Sneaky huh?
I know, Sociopaths are sneaky. They are manipulative and deceptive. They fuck up your life on purpose.
How funny was that?
To reverse ‘bad luck’
- Bin the Sociopath – forever – just get rid they only bring toxic vibes with an exterior of ‘hippy persona’
- Remember ONLY YOU can create your own luck in life, so once you have got rid of your BAD LUCK SOCIOPATH CHARM, that you once had hanging on your arm, get out there and rebuild
- Remember, ‘Rome wasn’t built in a day’, if it took the Sociopath a while to bring you down, it might take you a while to rebuild
- Take it one day at a time. Each day work towards goals, small goals, longer term goals, just don’t GIVE UP
- FOCUS ON GRATITUDE!!
Focusing on Gratitude
By focusing on Gratitude there is NO ROOM FOR THE SOCIOPATH, at all – what do you have to be grateful to them for? I want you to focus on gratitude, every day. It will take practice at first. Focusing on gratitude will bring focus back to you and your life. Be grateful for EVERYTHING. Your home, the bed you sleep in, the fact that your car works, that there are shops with food, that people work in the store, you have electricity, running water. You know focus on EVERYTHING.
When you do this, the Sociopath will shrink, until they are nothing.
You can do this.
Love yourself, you really are worth it! 🙂
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2015, all rights reserved.
Dating a Sociopath 
“Anything really, think about those missed opportunities in life, the Sociopath will offer to fulfil the gap and provide them for you. Sociopaths not only create bad luck (DELIBERATELY), they also hone in on YOUR life and offer to fill the vacancy that you are advertising to be filled.”
This.!! This.!! A hundred times this.!! You have confirmed something I have long suspected of someone who said they were my friend. Epiphany….wow…
Thank you Chirose! 🙂
This is such an excellent column. I’m going to forward it to my rabbi, who is actually the person who turned me on to your blog a couple years ago. My ex tried contacting me after 2 12 years. He was calling me every day and emailed me once, trying to make me feel sorry for him yet again. Because of your posts, many of which I’ve read and reread, I was able to block him, mindful of no contact. It’s been 2 weeks and I’m proud of myself and can honestly say for the first time that I don’t miss him. For once I’m the one in control, and it feels great.
Well done to you for 2 weeks no contact this is quite an achievement. Please remember to reward yourself and try not to look back you are not heading in that direction.
AMEN! Everything you described is correct. And Amen to gratitude… Yes Yes Yes!
And the hippie persona. lol ugh.
seriously though…. this gratitude thing works. Makes you see life in a different way – as proper hippy as it sounds 🙂
Thank you for this post. This is so true! I have never had such “bad luck” in my whole life. It’s just incredible. Even in my own house, everything went wrong.
I know…. I couldn’t understand how so much was going wrong? How could it be possible. Here I was, met the man of my dreams, he seemed so perfect for me. If only things would stop going wrong, and we could just pause and enjoy this? …how could we be ‘just so unlucky?’, weird he isn’t in my life anymore, I don’t feel unlucky either.
Scarlett, ditto! Before him my apartment was immaculate. During and after his visits numerous problems with the electrics, hot water, breaking of my possessions. There was a distinct pattern.
YES! I just could NOT believe the amount of bad luck. It was relentless! I’m beginning to think we might include this as a trait??Please share I’m wondering if our backgrounds factor into this “strain” of Bad Luck. I noticed this early on because like others whose childhood was harsh, I became observant & self-aware. We learn to be brave & cut straight down to the truth (before it gets us!) So we clean things up & try to make it right. And like you, I’ve observed the ebb & flow, the ups & downs of life. Like the tides, it seems nature’s way.
Before I could look at my man and think he was the bad thing, I noticed the disruptions; jobs didn’t work out, we always had to move, seemed like something shady was going on with the endless supply of derelicts & losers he brought home….more things went wrong, more anxiety, thought we were buds…like real friends, what did I do.,feels like he hates me. No relief ever..,no where to go.
Also, it seemed the “bad” got a toe-hold and after a discard of pain beyond words…it GOT WORSE! Things that had never happened before in my life became black marks ruining applications for jobs, housing, my peace of mind, my good name
I think that they do actually hate us. That is the saddest thing. Underneath the exterior of good, lies hatred, anger and contempt for us.
I hear what you are saying. I left a job i was in nearly 10 years. I had problems with my housing and my neighbours by his behaviour. I had problems financially and socially. Absolute nightmare. I really empathise with you guppie.
Hi Guppie, totally relate to this. The one I was involved with had a string of varied jobs which he never lasted that long in because of anger problems and his inability to deal with authority. Dont think he will be employable soon as he wont be able to provide references. He could turn on the charm in an interview and easily got jobs but the reality was something different. He was rubbish with money, any he did have he used to waste on trash then was angry every payday that he was still overdrawn even though his pay had just gone in! He had various authorities on his back demanding money – I couldn’t live like that. He had constant issues with the house mates he lived with and was always putting them down. He had no friends and hence no support network for the stress in his life (much of it self-inflicted) and so I used to have to deal with the backlash. I told him several times that he needed stress-therapy or he would implode but he never got it. After only a few months with him I was conscious that I was living with a given level of constant “back-ground stress” like treading on eggshells (this was felt when I was on my own too). I was worrying about when the next tantrum would come, wondering what sort of edgy mood he was going to be in when we met. This was compounded by his controlling, jealous behaviour which had me feeling I needed to constantly justify where I was and what I was doing. He also started to sabotage any social engagements I made with sudden illnesses that manifested from thin air, stresses or whatever else he could conjure up at the time. The dramas were endless and draining. Bloody nightmare 😦
Probably your most important post yet Positiva! Great reminder! Totally agree because I saw this happen in my own life with the Soc ex. Talk about a run of BAD LUCK all right. And the good luck that follows after he leaves (7x)
It is exactly as you have described here…….. You name it, it’s happened to me. Loss of jobs, home, frequent moving, a new start all the time at a new location. Always hoping it will be better….. Didn’t last. Insanity right? Doing the same thing over and over again hoping for a different result….. People wake up in their 40s, like me, or never in some people’s cases.
I see younger ones in my family in their early and mid 20s doing the same, with their little ones in tow….it takes courage to do differently, to get out and stay out forever. Take heed young people and don’t waste your best years with these people.
I know we can love them and love them but in the end, it’s our choice to stay miserable or make a change. It’s the hardest hardest thing I have ever had to do. And even now, 7 months on, I know I’m still not entirely out of the woods yet. (My 20 year daughter shocked me by saying, it will take for me to be out 20 years before she believes it’s really truly over with me and her father -she’s lived through it all watching it unfold in her 20 years of life)
Hoovering is not honorable at all, but yet another show of contempt and disrespect. It means, – you are the schmuck who will still take my calls when no one else will have a bar of me….. You are the fall back, go-to person. The weak spineless loser who I have no respect for…. The fugly easy option who I wouldn’t want to be seen with in public.
A return of some self-respect will restore power back to us. I know they’re all about the power, but when we ignore them and MEAN it when we leave them we do regain some self-respect. As people who live in powerless/ power dynamic, they understand all about this. I know I personally don’t use these lenses in my life, but this is the language they understand.
Key also is that they play a long game so persistence and patience is part of their thing.
Keep writing Positiva! You’re always on-point and making a difference in the world restoring health and well-being to families. Xx
Great post and so true flanshaw thank you.n
a friend of mine was incredibly frank with me tonight. she said there’s “something seriously wrong” with my “skeevy” boyfriend. after reading a few of your posts, when you said that thing about the hippie persona (lol, i guess that’s a common thing with these scumbags), i was officially convinced that he’s a sociopath. i’m financially dependent on him right now and can’t leave (i now realize that was completely deliberate). not only does he have an ex wife that stalks him and me, now that i think about it, i actually have lost a lot of friends since we began dating. i’ve been having so-called “bad luck” throughout our entire relationship. and in the beginning, we did move rather fast. stupid me chalked it up to excellent compatibility. i was also excited to date a (seemingly) nice guy, just once. thank you for starting this blog, it really opened my eyes. it’s difficult to see it when you’re in it.
Stay strong! The same has happened to every one of us. My ex too isolated me from people. A flatmate once told me “He’s rather rigid, isn’t him?” and I got offended…but she was right, of course. Like that time he made me cry while we were with other people, and then acted with them as if nothing had happened, while I was trying to hide and pretend to sunbathe. Believe your guts. And believe that there are “really nice” guys out there, and that you deserve to meet one, somebody who will fill your life with laughter and warmth, and seriousness and depth, instead of shallowness and coldness. xoxo
You know, I’ve had this with a “friend”. She tried to hijack all of the friendships I was building by talking behind my back: I’ve had an unexplained fall-out with non less than 3 people that are also acquainted with her. The good thing is that this time I realised that she is a sociopath and left, without losing time with seeking an explanation from her. For instance, a guy I met at her place during a party showed interest. Lo and behold, after exchanging pleasent, normal messages (he asked for my contact), he disappears. Like, all of a sudden, no explanation. i then thought “a socio”, but also left a door open in my mind for situation B: she told him something (i had also noticed she had started to follow him obsessively on social media). 4 months later and he writes me, starting at the exact same point he had left the convo. In the meantime, I’ve cut ties with her completely (so that her “Misa is by bestie!” show doesn’t have any credibility) and she has had what she wanted from him (an article on the magazine he works for). I won’t answer him, as he is a grown-up and shouldn’t have believed her AND shouldn’t have acted so rudely, after all he doesn’t know me at all, and it’s not like she could have convinced him I had murdered his dog
but this proves me I was right, he is arrogant/dumb BUT she is the puppet master.
I know it’s not me, she does this with everybody and the fact I noticed and run proves I am healed, but still, these socios scare me. They are like rabid animals, like always-hungry predators.
Thank you for having created this blog, this safe haven. It makes me so tired, sometimes, to always have to guard my shoulders.
What I’ve written is far from clear 😀 just to explain the “socioness”, she kept telling everyody I was her best friend, like very best friend. At the same time, she started treating me patronizingly, dismissevely, being unsupportive, etc. By the time I went to the party and met the guy, I was already almost sure she was a socio, and this after a relatively short time, 2 months, and what happened with him (and that started at the party already, because I and him were talking –> she hated it –> … but I don’t want to make the story too long!). I’ve actually known her for years, but she was younger and we were seeing each other less. Then last fall I went back to the city I used to live in for a project, and we rekindled our friendship. First 2 weeks: blissfull. Then the gaslighting begun, or better, would have begun had I not been made wiser by this blog among other things 🙂 So, girls and boys, we can learn and spot the socios and get rid of them! It gets better!! That’s the silver lining I get from this “socio-friend” adventure 😀
Wow! I’m so glad I found this website! I dated a sociopath for two years. I was diagnosed with PTSD as a result; he tried to kill me and stalked me for months. My weight plummeted to 105lbs (I’m 5’9) and I began to have debilitating panic attacks, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t eat, developed a nice little drinking problem.
I took a 5 year long man fast during which time I fought to get my health, career, friendships back. It was not a Fun time at all, I’d go to work then come home and see my therapist, psychiatrist, group therapy, hypnotist, internist, church, herbalist. I was doing everything I could think of to reclaim my life. I was quite literally at deaths door.
I met a “wonderful” man and started dating again. Turns out he is a narcissist. Over the last seven months of dating him my life is in tatters. Lost my job, accidentally killed my beloved dog, lost a ton of weight, started drinking again….rinse and repeat.
I left him a month ago and am again fighting for my survival.
I’m so grateful I’m not alone. I’m a very bright, attractive and formerly successful woman. I just don’t know how I got caught up in this again.
Oh gosh, you can’t know how pleased (not pleased for you) that you have gone through this. But pleased to hear from you. I have been where you have been. Mine was the opposite. I met Narcissist first, then the Sociopath. I also was diagnosed severe PTSD, it has really impacted me. I really understand what you are saying about feeling like you have to rebuild. No you are not alone at all, in fact your story sounds similar to mine, how people can deliberately just for fun, ruin and destroy, it is beyond believable. Welcome to the site! 🙂
My psychopath narc has kept me undated about all of his ‘bad luck’ a serious operation (which is a minor one). Death of two ‘close friends’ and moving house, current partner doesn’t understand him and so on.
I’m polite but don’t react or empathise as his great dead friends didn’t exist when I knew him, his minor operation was not urgent surgery & no girlfriend understands him until the rage occurs so he relies on this fact.
This is so true. You can beat yourself up and blame yourself for the bad luck run at the time and work and try even harder to be a good person, but it is truly the spath and working to get them out of your life that is the solution to woes. I ended up dropping out of college, and eviction notice for my place, thinning hair and an even thinner sense of self-esteem after leaving my sociopath. I vowed never again to place my worth in the hands of someone who did not have the power to grant it to me in the first place. I become paralyzed when stressd and sorrow and everything else snowballs. I no longer take inaction when I am stressed and I amd viciously protective of my emotional health the minute someone gives me a whiff of dishonestyand questionable behavior. From there bad luck has changed and I do not under any circumstances allow my past spath back into my life.