As you grew further into the relationship with the sociopath, you wouldn’t have noticed that you were being isolated from other people. At least, not at first. The sociopath sells this sense of intimacy, and ‘just the two of you’ to you, as if he is doing you a huge favour.
You will feel as you are being swept off of your feet, that you have met the love of your life, and that this is the romance of a lifetime. At first, you won’t notice how the rest of your life is being abandoned at the wayside. After all, not only are you flattered, you also feel that you have met your soul mate.
You imagine, that once the initial intimacy dies down, as it always does, once the flame is turned down, that you will have the sociopath as part of your life, and he will fit into your wider network of friends and activities. Or so you think.
Dating a sociopath is a full time occupation, leaving little space in your head for anything else at all. It is deliberate ploy on his part. He does this deliberately, to ensure that you have nothing else in your life, as isolating you, gives absolute control.
The sociopath takes up your space. He takes up your:
- Physical space by being with you all of the time
- Mental space, by constantly making demands, asking questions, talking, bombarding, looking for attention.
Further into the relationship, without other people, and all of the usual things that you enjoyed in your life, you can feel like the sociopath is the only one who understands you, or even that the sociopath is the only one left in your life. The sociopath controls your thoughts, your actions, and your activities. Without realising it, in a short space of time, your entire world is focused on the sociopath. You have no time for anything or anybody else. You might even be under the false illusion that you are happy!! 🙂
The sociopath will intrude and control every part of your life. Leaving the sociopath is difficult. Whilst you know deep down that you deserve to be treated better than this. You have also been manipulated, controlled.
By continual bombardment, you are left with little time for other activities. Friends, get fed up of hearing your stories, and cannot really relate to what is happening to you. Friends can feel abandoned, as you didn’t have time to catch up with them. They are left with the false impression that you are more into your partner, than them.
On top of this, if the relationship ends, if you try to tell your tales of the ‘craziness’, the sociopath will capitalise on this, and relay YOU out to be the crazy one.
You are left at the end of the relationship, wondering:
- What happened to YOU
- What happened to YOUR LIFE
- What happened to YOUR FRIENDS
You struggle with this, and the sociopath will again capitalise on this, and tell you that nobody likes you. You have no friends. Nobody wants you.
You might even go back to the sociopath, thinking that you are worthless, and nobody else wants you. Your self esteem is left at an all time low. You have been abused, used, and now not only is there evidence that there is little left of your life, you also feel worthless, and the sociopath will delight in telling you that you are.
You might struggle at this time because:
- You feel worthless
- The sociopath mirrors this, and tells you that you are
- You feel that there is evidence of this too, after all, you have changed, and where is the life that you had before?
The truth is very different from the reality that you are being fed by the sociopath, and by the illusion of the what you think that is now your life. It is, just like everything the sociopath gave to you, an illusion. The truth is:
- You still are that person who you were before
- Nobody can take YOU away, the can do it temporarily, but not permanently
- You are not only the person that you were before, you are BETTER than that person!! You really are, because you are wiser
You might think that you have nothing left. That the sociopath has taken everything, and you are left alone and feeling worthless. Don’t go back, or listen to further sociopath tricks, to manipulate and control you further. Try to remember:
Take this time, to work on you. For the first time in a long time, you have time to yourself. Real genuine friends will still be there. Just pick up the phone and call. Those who are not, were not really true friends, those who are your real friends, will be happy to hear from you. Likely they have missed you, as much as you have missed them. Only the time that you were with the sociopath you were not YOU. You were a clone of who the sociopath moulded you into.
- Call old friends
- Do things that you used to do, things that you used to love, before the sociopath came into your life. By doing this, you will reconnect back to the old parts of yourself
- Make goals – even if they are small. Achieving even small goals, will help with your self esteem
- Write your thoughts down
- Read as much as you can, to understand what you have been through
And most importantly, know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are not alone. I have been through this too, as have many others who read and post on this site. And worldwide there are millions of us.
Isolation, confusion, sense of abandonment are only temporary. It is not your life for the rest of your life (no matter if the sociopath tells you it is). Concentrate and focus on you, and on people that you loved in your life. Relish your freedom. Enjoy what had been taken away from you.
Your world can grow bigger, if you allow it to. To do this, you need to let go fully of the sociopath, and love yourself!! 🙂
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9 thoughts on “Feeling Isolated after dating a sociopath…”
this was simply breathtaking and heartbreaking. Your story induces emotions, that if life were fair, would only come forth when at your strongest moment. Breathing a surreal flow into a real-life tragic relationship eases the agony of picturing a beautiful healthy life being seduced by a monster. I have been humbled by comments that my style of writing induces emotions, and now I understand exactly how my readers must feel.
Thank you that is very kind of you!!, Thank you for visiting and reading my page!! 🙂
Very well said!! The first step in regaining control of your life is by taking control over your life. Any “residue” from the sociopath won’t be there for long after you regain control. Love the way you explained this!
Thank you!! 🙂
My idiot exboyfriend used this article to slander my name. The funny thing is that it describes HIM word for freaking word. Dick.
What do you mean, he used this article? I only wrote it the other day? 😦 …. ugh they always accuse YOU of exactly what they are guilty of themselves.
I dated a sociopath for 8 years up until two weeks ago, I’m on holiday to think and gain strength, I was drained so a family member sent me away. After reading this web site for two days now , it has become clear to me, everything. The website knows him very well, I was surprised about the hanging u in my mid conversation to him, I would call him hundreds of times sometimes looking for him, he loved that then he knew where I was at the other end of a constantly ringing hone. I was despair. I found reading and knowledge very very helpful and yes so far it has strengthen me internally. Just a could of things, he loves McDonald’s, is it because it’s cheap??? And his favourite animal is the eagle. I have attempted to leave him over a hundred times over the years, done the no contact, police, friends even started going out with other men, who he claims had raped me, and wanted me to report it to the police,he is a thief, and grew up in a home since the age of 10, his mother was a whore running a basement bar in her house, his dad was busy with white women and has many children outside his marriage, both are dead now. Them being dead is his sympathy card,I could go onand on, sick child, a wife who now lives in America, and not coming back to uk. I’ve been a fool, but got over it gradually, his last message inthe uk to me was stop thinking of yourself, I have no where to sleep, he has a council flat that he has rented out, so he has to get space to stay, and it’s not my problem any way. He has left stuff I my house, as he thinks he coming back, I have had enough now, let me know about more self help stuff, I do need it. My question to you would be the things behind my back, and he claims to be honest but yet I have a std many times from him, water infections mainly. Bye
Hi and welcome to the site!! OMG he has some nerve. This is such typical behaviour. He has a council flat that he lets out yet he complains that he has nowhere to stay? Just tell him to stop bothering you or you will report him for subletting his flat. (but that would probably kick things off too) – if he had any information to use against you. (and he would). Take things one day at a time. Try to focus on you and not him. You are right that reading is theraputic. Writing is too. if it gets too much write, write lists. Why he was good for you, what you hated about him and how he hurt you and why you are better off without him. Then start writing some goals. Short term goals (can be anything) esp things you didnt get time to do with him. Catch up with an old friend, clear out a cupboard – tick them off as you achieve it will help you to feel better. Make sure that you put in one long term goal – that can be anything (that would take time to achieve) – this will give you something to work towards – be it a house move, learn to drive, something that you want to learn – anything at all. Try to bring back the focus onto you.
Thank you, I’m so glad that I have received a reply, someone out there knows what I’m going through and been through. Today things are more calm, it’s been four months now haray!! It can be done, I’m feeling stronger and happier, but still inside I’m missing his abuse, that’s all he had to give. I won’t go back as to me it’s a very dark place, I have stopped all ya bits now acquired by him. Last week and every two weeks he sends me a three page text with nonsense written by him, a friend of mind claims that he is in the dark room missing me, I object as sociopaths always have another source lined up, I left him unexpected as I planned my escape carefully, but as he text to say god told him that something was wrong, he told me he did not believe in god, every which way I look at it he fits the bill. I’m in an ok place at the moment loads to do and people to see, I’m loving myself so much that It makes me giggle to myself to know where I was 4 months ago, he just used and abused me for 8 years. Now enough is enough, I have done the no contact under no circumstances , with him, and yes it works for me, I have also decided he foes not exist being as he uses illusions then I have wiped him away from my life for good, hopefully contact from him should fizzle away, but I would not know by then cause I won’t be foc used on him, good luck to bad rubbish that’s my Moto today, thank you I will always read when stupid urges and thoughts come into my mind, it’s just an illusion.