Once the sociopath has you where they want you (in love, weak and dependent), they begin to disarm you and remove you from other sources of life, that he cannot control.
Control is what the sociopath strives for. By controlling you, he has what he determines as ‘love’, or at least it is the closest that he will get to love. To the sociopath, control, and ownership, is love.
You will find that later in the relationship, the kind, charming, very helpful person that you knew changes.You see a different character. But this is done in a subtle way at first, to make you feel guilty for any other connections in your life – apart from him. You are made to feel that YOU are the one with the problem. YOU are the one who is doing something wrong, even though you have done nothing wrong at all.
The sociopath
- Will feel threatened by close friends, even work colleagues and sometimes family too
- Will keep close tabs on you at work
- Will call you at work, or constantly call and text if you are spending time with someone else without him, you will feel pressured to respond to the text or call, as soon as possible. If you don’t there will be a deluge of further texts
- Will go as far as to speak to those who you are having contact with to ‘warn them off’ of you (this will be done behind your back) or to your face, will threaten that they will do this, instilling fear into you of what comes next?
- Will make you feel guilty if you spend any time with anyone other than him – and will accuse you of outrageous things – you will get comments like – ‘oh you are wearing that’ or ‘you have make up on, did you make yourself up on purpose?’
- Will tell you, if you do make plans, that they will show there too (after all they have a right to be there too)
- Will go to great lengths to play ‘obsessive spy’ to find out information about anyone in your world. Its really ridiculous, to the point of obsession.
Applying constant pressure, is effective, as after a while, you will stop contact with others. It’s easier than the constant accusations thrown at you. Or at least, this is the way that you feel, until it is over.
This is how isolation occurs. It is sold to you under the guise of ‘care’ of ‘helping you’…. but its not this at all. Its control. Control to the sociopath, is ownership. Like owning a dog. Since when did you see a dog go off and have a life of its own?
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Dating a Sociopath 
My daughter once said I was like his dog that obeyed his every demand. It was hard then to see the isolation as it occurred. It is so evident now. I can remember how he didn’t come right out and tell me that I couldn’t see friends/family but it just became such an ordeal that I stopped. If he had told me outright that I couldn’t see my family, I would have balked at the idea. He wasn’t that obvious…much more subtle. Accusations and always wanting me with him is how he controlled it.
Exactly!! Makes you feel guilty, or you feel like its your idea. In fact you believe it is your idea, as you ‘put it off’ as right now ‘its too much hassle’…
How are you anyway? Not seen a blog for a while from you!
I have so much to write about, but this graduate degree is consuming my time. My oldest son is wanting to move back home and go back to school too so I have been helping him with that. I might try to write tonight. I am still sick at what all he has been doing lately. I always felt like I needed to know everything. Because of that, I found out what was really going on. Now, I really think I have seen enough.
Have you seen him again? I thought you had been quiet…
I haven’t seen him. He just got a new email address so that he could get through my filters. What he told me sent me off the deep end again. His current email address is blocked now too.
That’s so crazy…not really ;)…my daughter told me I looked like a lost puppy around him. She said it was cute, but she was worried at the time to be too direct because I was very fragile. I had no idea how fragile I was. I am only now coming out of the fog. the mask only slipped 6 months ago, this is the scariest place for me. The threats are daily and heightened, his parent is in a place of high law enforcement. I am afraid I am not safe enough to even go to my own local authority. I have watched first hand over the years the pull he has. I can’t believe that for A WHOLE LOT OF YEARS, I actually thought I was making my decisions. I want to SIT, I want to STAY, I want ROLL OVER….then I would get hit with the paper (figuratively) and wonder what the hell I forgot to do.
I am sorry to hear what you are going through lost puppy. Do you have support in place for you? If not is there a domestic violence support place in your area? Sounds lie you need support to help you. I understand how it feels to have those daily threats. He would show up at my house if I didn’t respond to him. It was so stressful and I stayed with him, to stop him erupting. Over time, more and more of my life vanished. Until right now, there is just me.
For 13 years I was in a relationship with a sociopath. I didn’t even want to date him. He threatened to kill our pets if I didn’t. I was in love with a sweet boy who moved away & I missed him very much. A lot of people knew that. In my attempt to get away from him I attempted suicide. He told everyone I did it for attention. When I wanted to break off the relationship he told me he would kill himself. Then he told me he would gouge out the eyes & mangle the face of the guy I was really in love with. He made threat after threat. He lied all the time. He pretended to be a rockstar I like over the phone for one of my Birthdays & kept it up for years. Every time I confronted him about the bad accents & the fact I knew it was a lie he slapped me. I have scars on my face. They’re light know, but if you connect them it makes me look like the Black Dahlia. I ended up marrying him because things got even weirder. He started to pretend that he was channeling my “guardian angel.” By doing this, he made threats (in an even sicker way) that he (the sociopath) would kill the dogs, cats, rape my friends, family etc if I took a job or left the country. He killed our family dog when my parents took me off to boarding school in an effort to get away from him. For years, he had a list of things he said every day: “you’re stupid, you’re ugly, hatchet face, idiot, moron, no one else wants you, you’re difficult, you’re a loser, you’re lazy,” I could go on & on about things he said & did. It was all horrifying. My mother had to do an intervention to get me out. It took 2 years for the divorce to go through because he fought it. My mother was battling breast cancer at the time & it was such an ongoing battle to retain my sanity. I’m grateful to be out, but I still get scared. I sleep with lights on so I can see who walks into my room. This way I can attack or not attack someone. This is no way to live, let me tell you. I thought I saw him at a bar last week, so a lot of emotions have crept up in me. I see a therapist, but I’m really having a hard time dealing right now. I want people to know the truth about him & the truth about me. He has spun so many lies about me it’s ridiculous. I’m unsure about what to do. Any advice would be helpful.