Is the sociopath being ‘nice’, are you confused?
So, you have read lots of things on the net, and possibly books about sociopaths. You are still in a relationship with one, and you are just ‘not quite sure if your partner is or not?’, how can you tell?
As soon as you make up your mind that you are dating a psychopathic loon, he changes, and has kind eyes, and a smile. Is kind, caring, thoughtful. So, you question yourself and you wonder if perhaps you have got it wrong?
Just as you were about to pack your bags (or his), he is back to his old charming self. In fact, more so. He is back into seducing mode. The rage has gone, he is trying to win you back, so that you are dependent on him.
Other people wonder, why do you stay? (this causes isolation from friends), after all you were complaining about his behaviour last week.
Perhaps you start reading this, and as you do, and start to assert yourself, he suddenly changes into Mr Perfect again. What you are left with, is confusion.
You feel confused, because you feel you are with two people. One whom you love, one who makes you happy, and another who is selfish, self absorbed, self centred, who will make your life, simply an extension of his.
When going through the hearts and flowers stage, after an awful spell, when you were set to leave, it is likely that you are going back to stage 2 –
Seducing…..
Remember the code of the sociopath, it is ALWAYS the same (they repeat behaviour over and over).
- Assessment
- Seducing
- Gaming
- Ruining
The sociopath has already assessed that you are not happy, and that you are likely to leave. Which would mean that he is about to lose his source of supply. So, he resorts back to seducing mode…. to keep you captive.
What can you do to discover the truth?
If you are in confusion, and you identify with so many posts on this page, but are confused, is this person actually a sociopath, as right now they are being, nice, kind, helpful, thoughtful….. one thing will test whether this person is a sociopath.
Underneath the calm facade of the sociopath mask, is an angry narcissistic person, a person who is desperate for control. A person who sees you as part of himself. He can quite easily switch back to seducing mode, to lure you back in, if he feels that his prey is about to escape. After all, a sociopath never wants to lose source for supply, not before he has another willing victim lined up.
What you need to do is the following.
TEST HIM!
If he is acting really reasonable, kind, calm, loving, seducing, hearts and flowers – test him. Say something to him which takes away his control over you. Assert your rights, demand your freedom and your independence.
This can be ANYTHING which is for YOU, that DOESN’T include him.
The sociopath has narcissistic rages, which it cannot stop, or contain, when he feels that he is losing control. Remember that to the sociopath two things are more important than anything –
1. Winning
2. Control
IMPORTANT – This is NOT advisable for those involved with sociopaths who are violent!! If you are in a violent relationship – seek advice from a women’s aid project in your area, to leave safely. Never place yourself in danger. The ONLY advice for those in relationships with someone who is physically abusive, is to get out, but to leave in a way that is safe, and planned.
Witnessing the mask slipping
If the sociopath feels that he does not have total control over you, you will witness very quickly, the narcissist rage occur. You will see that the kind, helpful, caring, thoughtful person (that you had been telling him he wasn’t) will vanish, and in his place, will be a man who is angry, who becomes desperate for control. He will do and say anything to re-establish control over you and your life. His reaction will be very intense. This is the REAL character. This is real person, without the mask.
It really is quite that simple. If you are thinking, perhaps you have it wrong? Maybe, I was wrong? Yes, he has done bad things in the past, but he is just so nice and charming NOW – if you are thinking, maybe it was just a blip. Test him.
Confusion is simply a state of mind. Often the sociopath will do acts which deliberately confuse you. This can make you feel that that you are to blame. Nobody stays in confusion forever. So, take back the control, and test him.
In a NORMAL HEALTHY relationship, your partner will be happy for you to have a life of your own. In a normal healthy relationship, your partner will encourage you to grow. In a healthy relationship your partner will encourage career progression and be happy for you to see friends and family and anything else which helps you to grow. A healthy partner will not feel threatened by external influences in your life.
- A healthy relationship loves, but does not stifle
- It cares, but does not contain
- It offers freedom, but not restriction
- Is honest, and not deceptive
- Is supportive and not disruptive
If the person reacts, in a normal way, perhaps a bit of jealousy, perhaps this person isn’t a sociopath. But if you witness a full narcissistic rage, you will see exactly the person that you had witnessed before. You will be surprised to witness again the one which caused you confusion. Remember that this is the real person. This is the person inside, behind the charismatic mask. The person on the outside, the charisma, the charm, the kindness, caring, is really just an illusion.
If you are with a sociopath, who is being on his best behaviour and trying to lure you back into the relationship. If you are experiencing confusion, not really knowing is he/isn’t he? do the simple test. Press his buttons and see how he reacts. If the person is a sociopath, quickly you will witness the narcissistic rage – and you will witness the sociopath behind the charismatic mask.
copyright datingasociopath.com 2014
Dating a Sociopath 
Thank you I appreciate this.
You are welcome Jen!! 🙂
As an example of this, I did this the other day. I told him that next month I am going out with some old friends. One of which is an ex (we split many many years ago) just friends, have known him more than 20 years.
He went off on a rant. But – it was tolerable. The next day. He showed at my house, was furious. Said he had checked out this persons facebook, and was going to contact him to warn him to stay away from me.
Within a very short time, he went from Mr Nice guy (where i was deluding myself, maybe I can cope with him) to a man who was threatening me, accusing me, calling me names, ranting and raging.
The mask slipped.
Back in January he was in full on seducing mode, planning to move back into my home. I ALMOST bought it. ALMOST…. someone suggested that I test him, so I did – and he reacted the same, and I saw the narcissistic rage.
A sociopath cannot bear to lose control under any circumstances. You will witness in front of your eyes, a totally different character.
Hey
I have enjoyed your very well written posts on your experience with your sociopathic ex. I have a very interesting insight on what seems to be a rare topic discussed concerning dealing with sociopaths. I am both a sociopath and bipolar. I have the ability to be both extremely empathic and yet severly cold hearted and detached. I too can admit that I am rageful and angry when someone I “posess” pulls away from me. At the moment, I am in a relationship with a low functioning sociopath that is pretty easy to manipulate. This is the insight I would like to provide for women or men that have been hurt by sociopaths. Not all sociopaths are violent, but must of us can/will become violent. Also there is this misconception that sociopaths can’t feel or give love. That’s not true at all. We don’t want, like, accept, need or desire the type of love expected by normals. Its an emotion that most of us have been viciously robbed of or erased and replaced with deep seated anger. Its so strong that it literally blinds you. This is the reason we have no remorse or guilt once we get going on our campaign to hurt you. We barely remember how we feel during these “psychotic” episodes once we snap out of it.
The constant push pull we engage you in isn’t to trick you per sa. Its the only type of love we experienced as children. I have no clue of what constant on going affection feels like and I don’t like the idea of it.
I have so much to express and share on these thoughts. I think it will assist or help those dealing with sociopaths.
By the way it took almost going to jail and losing custody of my kids, to go some place dark and admit that “I” not my past partners were the link to my ongoing relationship problems.
Hey
To answer your question about why you choose light (empathy) instead dark (nonempathetic). You may have something in common or have been predisposed to bipolar/depression within your family as well as codependency.
Do you know I didn’t realize that my Dad was bipolar until almost 31!I am now 34. My mom displays clearly marked signs of codependency. I hate to tell you this but if you are still in contact with him, then this may indeed be the case.
As an empath you too have the same gift of manipulation. Actually you are more powerful than he is. This is what I wish people dating “common” sociopaths understood. Co dependents/empaths balance out sociopaths. You feel the love they cannot and you want the attention they love to shower you with. If you lacked that attention as a child or got attention from drama you caused, then no one serves their purpose better than a sociopath.You still argue with him because you forget he doesn’t have the cognitive ability to reason beyond his own point of view. His point of view is that of a 5 year old child. Self first and maybe if it benefits me everyone else.
I use this to control my baby lol. I adore him even though he is always doing something stupid. I make him believe that what I want is for his own good without trying to convince him that I am right.
I can see why you would think that, but it’s not like that. You see, when I met him, i was still stuck in trauma and shock from a previous event. My brain was frozen in shock. He was a charismatic, and he mirrored me,… sold me back myself. Which for me, was EXACTLY what I needed. It was after he split up that i thought what the hell is wrong with you? …. and of course then I found about sociopath and everything he had done had made sense. So in a way, we did actually help each other – a lot 🙂
Oh my Lord, why have I not found this blog earlier ? At least I found it. I was exposed to narcisstic rage today, because I did that test.
He called me names, wished me bad things, and was just evil to me.
Sam
I am sorry Sam. You know this won’t change. I rarely say to someone you are with a psycho as I can’t diagnose people. But your description is everything that I write about on this website. It is shocking at first to learn the truth. A truth you don’t want to be true. Wish it wasn’t.
Not a good idea! Just because they haven’t been violent so far, doesn’t mean they wont! I witnessed the terrifying rage, and after being together for 5 years, I ran away and went into hiding..I later found out through Claire’s law from the detective managing my case, that my ex had a very scary list of terrible and violent crimes against women..don’t test the sociopath..it may be the last thing you do….if in doubt, run away..they will show their true colours in the end..and you will live to tell the tale
If you run remove their control over you, you will quickly see the true side of their nature. When either they a) have nothing further to gain from you, b) When they think that they have lost control over you, they will do whatever they can to destroy you, your reputation and anything that you have left in your life, and to control how others see you. Yes, you are right Lynne, this is when you see the true personality.
I have a question about the reaction. I tested someone I thought was either a sociopath or had Narcissistic Personality disorder. The test was going out with freinds. He insisted I call him when I got back, I agreed, but when I hadn’t returned by the time I said, he started calling frantically. It wasn’t rage though.
The second time I said I needed to sleep but would try and wake up later in the night and call. I didnt wake up. I was bombarded with texts and he stayed awake all night, ringing me at 6am.
The third time, I was with freinds he knew didn’t like him. We had no arranged time to call, and I hadtexted him once. He bombarded me with texts and called me at 3am then again when I didn’t answer the first time.
None of this seems to be rage, but I wondered if it is somehow still akin to it. Any advice greatly appreciated!
Hi, what makes you think that he is a sociopath? It’s nice to meet you!!! 🙂
Nice to meet you too Positivagirl 🙂
I wondered if he was because he discribed how he had triangulated a then partner by “creating her ultimate adversary”. He moved the adversary in with him just after breaking up with his partner, and all three remained in the same house. When the ex (living in another room of the same house) asked him back, he dumped the adversary and went back to his ex. He later re.initiated the affair with the adversary and it went on for a year. He says he feels very remorseful but I’m suspicious all the same. He also has very detailed fantasies about killing or harming people (and has put a lot of research into them, but has never carried them out). I also got love-bombed to the point of long term sleep deprevation, and he panics and texts / calls every time I am out late with freinds, and does pity plays about how he is worried and upset (he does pity play a lot, especially if I uncover something suspicious).
Aside from that though, he is the ultimate gentleman – buying me dinner, presents, saying I love you all the tim. But my intuition tells me I am dealing with a mask.
I’m not certain this makes him a sociopath, but it seems like a lot of red flags. Cos of his inability to focus on conversation that isn’t about him, I wondered if it is that or Narcissism. I’d be keen to know your opinion. I broke up whith him recently but he says he will change.
Hey,
Please don’t be upset with me, but I don’t think you or the owner of this wonderful blog have dated a sociopath. All the symptoms actually point to borderline personality disorder.
Check out http://www.gettinbetter.com and read the “Cassanova” article. I promise you, all the questions will be answered indefinitely.
It was impossible to find the article that you you refer to on that site dress up doll.
I can assure you that I know the difference between a sociopath and BPD.
A sociopath has very little real emotion
BPD has too much
A sociopath has NO conscience
BPD WILL feel bad guilty and sorry for actions
BOTH can be destructive
BPD is up and down in emotions
Sociopath will appear very stable with emotions
A sociopath can do THE most awful things, yet not feel bad at all
Both can be compulsive liars, the sociopath is a pathological liar, has little regard for human life, and does actions deliberately to cause hurt and suffering to others
The things that both do, can be stunning, both are impulsive, but the sociopath has a deliberate strategy to cause disruption. BPD does have some treatment, there is no treatment for sociopathy (currently).
Are you a sociopath? As i have sociopaths who do write in comments here, who don’t really pull apart what I write, as I do write the truth.
I don’t hate sociopaths, as I see it as a disfunctioning in the brain, they are parasites – and yes BPD can suck up your emotions….. sociopathy is different.
BPD can openly act insane (by being very emotionally unstable), and Sociopathy can act very very sane and normal. Sociopaths are very in control, and need to control others…. BPD often have little control, swinging from extreme high to low
I really do know what I am talking about. I was working with someone who had BPD a year ago, who needed to be sectioned under Mental Health Act when they went psychotic. Sociopath’s do not experience psychosis. Although their madness is evident when they have a narcissistic rage, or the mask slips…..
Otherwise to the outside world….. the sociopath is very very normal.
Hey Dressupdoll 🙂 Thankyou for posting. I’m not upset at all – I’m really just interested in finding out if it’s worth giving this guy another chance – so I appreciate it. heading to check out the link now.
Dressupdoll – do you happen to have the direct link? I can’t seem to find the article you are referring to 😦
Don’t worry, I found it Dressupdoll. Sadly, it doesn’t fit his character well, so I don’t think he is BPD. That said, even if he was, it would still have been bad news!
Thanks Positivagirl. I’m so glad you posted this, as I’m no professional but didn’t think it sounded right either. It’s good to hear the differences in concice form from someone who knows (I have to admit, I thought that link looked like a plug too).
Given what I said my reasons were for thinking my ex is actually a sociopath, what do you think? He does come across like a robot too at times, in terms of emotion. No startle response and when he says he is crying there are actually never tears, he just rolls in a ball and sobs with his back to me.
Any insights you can offer would be greatly appreciated!
I think he sounds highly suspect. It is the lack of emotion. How they can do stunning things and their reaction…….
A good example of how they can do this, with the faking emotion., My last ex, he faked that the mother of his child was dying of cancer, he kept this up so that almost 100% of our life, was focused around his daughters mother dying of cancer. There were tears, drama, phone calls, he would sit on the bed, crying clutching his daughters photo, that she would be without a mother….. He did this for MONTHS about three – we were living together, it was SO stressful,
But it was all lies. There was nothing wrong with his daughters mother. Just a lie. All the phone calls were fake the tears, the drama, all fake.
Why? This started as he was about to be caught out in a lie. He ended it, by stealing from my bank running off with all of my money….. you would think that would be the end of it but no, i was so confused., crying on the phone to him. He just put the phone down. No empathy at all. Then, he sent emails to loads of people telling lies about me. Zero empathy.
I let him come back, and he just faked more jobs. Never had a real job in all the time that I knew him.
Another example, we had after all of this, split the police kicked him out and called him a parasite. (they were right). we stayed friends for a year afterwards. I got an old laptop fixed and showed him photos of my daughter who died, there was zero response from him (by that time we both knew he was a sociopath – so I knew that graphic photos wouldn’t bother him). Then he said matter of factly yawn (after 5 mins) how long do we have do do your family history thing for? ….. zero emotion.
He had no fear, absolute confidence in himself.
Hi,
I respectively disagree with you wholeheartedly. Sociopathy and BPD ARE NOT worlds apart my friend. They mimic each other down to a slight difference. You keep saying a “lack of emotion”, “stalking”, “impulsiveness”, “no remorse”, “narcissism “, “lack of boundaries”, and “no empathy”. These are all traits of BPD my love 🙂
Picture this if you will, you aren’t with this guy 24/7 physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. You don’t know how he reacts, thinks, or harps on when he is alone. He could be crying a river for all you know. I have been reading you’re amazing blog for a while and the more I read it, the more I see nothing else but BPD.
He’s a violent BPD that can’t control his emotional reaction to you abandoning him. This “control” you keep speaking of is based on fear.
The lack of guilt or remorse comes from this feeling of entitlement. For example:
“People hurt me all the time so its okay to hurt other people”–afterall I am still here and more importantly no one cares about me yah da yah da yah da.
Its a childlike state of mind and stance to handling problems.
I am not speaking from just dating people like this.
I AM ONE of those people.
I can pretty much sum up your ex-boyfriend within minutes. Even you know how easy it is to manipulate him. All he really wants is to know that you will never leave him. He can’t be alone and yet he will push you away if you get to close.
The lies are all apart of gaining sympathy from you so that he can feed off your attention 🙂
And I am sorry to smile because its not funny at all but you keep allowing him to do this to you.
I hate to admit it, but in the past I have done the same thing. I will keep up a lie, no matter how ridiculous it is to keep from getting caught. When I was caught red handed, excuse my french but ( you got my behind to kiss). I had no remorse or guilt. I couldn’t understand and didn’t care about the way people felt from the pain I caused. Sometimes, I still don’t.
We are the most impossible people to get rid of. Especially if you are someone that thinks you need to rescue someone from themselves.
Oh I could go on and on about this but first you really need to add another layer to your own perception of what you mistakenly believe to be full blown sociopathy.
These men you speak of are little boys trapped in a man’s body that don’t know how to love correctly—-that is all. Sometimes it manifest itself into violence and murder.
Sometimes its just the annoying texting, calling, emailing big baby.
its all love from me, I just see something that needs to be addressed so no one else falls victim to this retarded cycle
This is a great video about BPD….. This is BPD.
I write about sociopathy!!
Considering diagnosed sociopaths read here, and have emailed me…… and they do not have issue with it.
The person I was with, read loads and loads, Robert Hare, The mask of sanity, snakes in suits, there was nothing he could say that wasn’t him.
If he agrees he is a sociopath – (and why w
Hi
I sent the link below. First let me say that I was more interested in finding out what was wrong with me lol.
I think the key to dealing with anyone that hurts us is finding out why we invited and allowed certain people into our lives in the first place. You have to think about you’re first brush with love. Who taught you what love is and what love isn’t.
True “sociopathy” is such a rare diagnosis and unfortunately more experts are disputing the theory at all.
I thought that I was bipolar with sociopathic traits but what I really am is BPD. So are most of the men that these women are complaining about. It so evident and clear from all the symptoms and behavioral patterns. Sadly, people are making the grave mistake of mislabeling men as sociopathic because borderline was thought to be a female trait.
The crazy thing is, depending on how psychotic he is, you can actually control him if you wanted too 🙂
Sociopaths aren’t psychotic. Borderlines are. This page is about Sociopaths. That link, is not my partner. He didn’t unleash awful things onto me. He did when he had a narc rage, but even then to be honest, it wasn’t anything bad against my person.
The Sociopath is a predator.
The sociopath follows the following pattern of behaviour over and over
Assessment
Seducing
Gaming
Ruining
The sociopath is a pathological liar. EVERYTHING was a lie from day 1. There was no ‘honeymoon period’ that honeymoon period was all a lie. A con.
The sociopath lives life behind a mask of deception. So, appears incredibly normal But behind the mask of deception a whole different thing is going on.
They are very different. I do not recognise the people I have dated in the link that you have sent. But will leave it there as someone else might find it useful. 🙂
Alas, they are both disordered and can cause absolute carnage. The sociopath is like two different people.
BPD would probably cause massive damage to you emotionally the sociopath is so incredibly charming that you might thank him for the experience at the end of it….. it is cool calculated, shrewd…. the way that the brain works is different. They just operate in a different way.
i know what bpd is, and I know that men can have it too.In fact I had looked into it for him. But he was more of a sociopath textbook charismatic sociopath than I could write about. There was nothing that he didn’t do.
I do think that there needs to be more research into it, but unfortunately as they are pathological liars, and feel more comfortable with the lie than the truth – there can be little treatment.
Yes you can control them, I wrote about that too, but would you want to? WHy have a relationship which is just a game?? life is challenging enough! 🙂
Hi,
Again, I do this with flowers 🙂
BPDs ARE NOT psychotic. A sociopath just like a BPD are in the same family of psychological disorders NOT psychiatric disorders.
meaning they are not necessarily chemically imbalanced, just personality disordered and it manifest itself through childhood trauma. You can wiki that if you’d like.
Borderlines are called just that because they aren’t quite psychotic at all. To be in a state of psychosis means you have a break from reality.
I can assure you I have never had a break from reality, hence the reason I don’t believe I am bipolar at all!
You have mental disability, mental illness, and mental disorders.
They are not one and the same my friend.
Assessment
Seducing
Gaming
Ruining
Again all characteristics that BPD’s are known for. Yes, my love borderlines are the most charismatic human beings you will ever meet. As a matter of fact they will charm their way into your heart within record time. I really want you to research and look up everything you can about BPD relationships. It kinda sounds like you are going off of information you think is true versus actual facts.
I know its hard to think otherwise because I did for so long but there was something that just wasn’t right with what everyone keeps saying.
Here is the truth, no human being is born onto this earth lacking emotions unless they are left completely unnurtured and unsocialized. If these “sociopaths” were unsocialized they would be considered mentally disabled not mentally disordered.
Have you ever met a child with severe autism? Or what about a newborn baby within the first 5 days of life. That’s the closest thing you will ever come to meeting a human with no emotions.
You can’t call these men angry or say that have rage and then in the next sentence say they have no emotions. Where do you think anger and rage come from? 🙂
Are you actually reading what i am writing to you?
Maybe you are the one that is misdiagnosed?
BPD have SPLITTING – BLACK AND WHITE – POSITIVE NEGATIVE – up down….
I dont know what i am NOT getting through to you.
he was never violent. Where have I written that? Neither was he ever overtly emotionally abusive either .
Yes BPD do have psychosis, I had someone sectioned under the mental health act by calling in crisis team at work a year ago. He was psychotic. Sociopaths do not experience psychosis.
Is this a windup or something?
BPD – swing of emotions https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8QMda42jwO0
Sociopath……. appears life and soul of the party. Upbeat, confident, outgoing. Charismatic, charming, popular – where is the down time????….. its not there….. There is a mask of deception. Perhaps I don’t write it too well?
In 18 months of knowing him. I never ever saw him depressed. I lived with him. I saw him every single day.
He is ALWAYS cheerful….. always, lord knows how, but he is. Which if you understand BPD as I do you would know this is not BPD…. Anyway……
WHY is sociopathy such a rare diagnosis? It isn’t because it doesn’t exist widescale (far wider than is reported) ….
It is because why would someone go for a diagnosis of this to give them a lifetime label if they are told that there is no treatment?
There are far more sociopaths out there than you would believe. I do see a big confusion of Narcissists and Sociopaths. I read a lot about people writing about Narcissists and describing them as Narcissist sociopaths? WHen in reality what they are is malignant Narcissists. -Or alternatively distempered psychopaths.
Hi Positivagirl. Thanks for all your answers. It would be really good though if I could get more insight on my original question about narcissistic rages (it got a little railroaded by the link that went nowhere).
I tested someone I thought was either a sociopath or had Narcissistic Personality disorder. The test was going out with freinds. He insisted I call him when I got back, I agreed, but when I hadn’t returned by the time I said, he started calling frantically. It wasn’t rage though.
The second time I said I needed to sleep but would try and wake up later in the night and call. I didnt wake up. I was bombarded with texts and he stayed awake all night, ringing me at 6am.
The third time, I was with freinds he knew didn’t like him. We had no arranged time to call, and I hadtexted him once. He bombarded me with texts and called me at 3am then again when I didn’t answer the first time.
None of this seems to be rage, but I wondered if it is somehow still akin to it. Any advice greatly appreciated!
Hi well this behaviour is typical of sociopaths NPD and BPD (although to be honest with a sociopath it is highly unlikely you would have gone on your own, they would have engineered it so they were there too) or would threaten to show up……
In fact all 3 of those personality types would have given you a very very very hard time afterwards.
BPD would have HATED you for hurting him
Narcissist the same
Sociopath – well he would have been there with you too…..
I guess that isn’t very helpful? Sorry. But i do think that is the truth..
Thanks POsitivagirl 🙂 I appreciate that. There was no way he could be there on those occasions as he lived in a different town and had work (he works nights) so Im still not discounting sociopath 😉
Ah ok….. well he was working too!! …. Mine never worked he saw me as his career option (although he faked lots of jobs)…. No way would he have allowed me to go out with people that didn’t like him. He could read people. Scary His mission was absolute ownership and control.
Narcissistic rage, usually happens when they think the relationship is OVER (with the sociopath) ie, they no longer have a need to wear a mask they no longer have further use for you.
They would deliberately set up and design situations to control and manipulate you, if you tried to say NO…. then you could witness the narc rage. Nearly all of the time my ex was a very happy outgoing soul. the mask would slip sometimes, and you would see the other side…..
I’m curious about something…How much do you know of the difference between a psychopath and a sociopath? Based on my research, the two are one in the same and the only difference is nature vs. nurture. Nature=Psychopath Nurture=Sociopath. The N and the BPD are a subcategory under these main two. This is based on my understanding of one or the other…they have very specific traits that resonate outside of the main characteristics we all know and see. I have been researching for years. I’m literally surrounded by these people. Family, ex’s, you name it! My life has been a nightmare to say the least but I’ll save my story for another day or time. Thank you for your blog PG. 🙂
my boss. “The sociopath has narcissistic rages, which it cannot stop, or contain, when he feels that he is losing control.”
A few months ago, when I thought he had taken off on me again, he came back. He told me he did want to continue and pursue more of a relationship with me. I was so happy and relieved, he sent me flowers, was attentive again, etc. A few week later he started acting strange and irritable and I mentioned what he said about continuing our relationship. He said he never said that, that he didn’t believe me and even suggested I made it up. I was crushed and needless to say wrecked in my head. I thought I was crazy and questioned myself. I haven’t heard from him since aside from one confusing conversation which ended by him saying, I’m giving you 30 seconds to talk. I didn’t know what to say except “do you have any feelings or conscious,” and he flat out said no. This is how my 5 years with him ended. No answers, no closure, nothing. Reading all of this is helpful because now I know I’m maybe not that crazy.
one time……My x spath/fiancé was treating me as though I had no friends..which was true…so,I parked my car in a different spot in the driveway,and had my boots at the front door,as though I went out and DID HAVE A LIFE. He went into a rage like I have never seen before. He kept repeating over and over “you have any friends,you have nothing” it got physical,I defended myself and pushed him out the door…he left,he came back and I couldn’t get to the door in time…I forgot to lock deadbolt…the door came flying open and he pushed me and I landed on the television and television stand,it turned over…his teeth were bloody from my defensive spar and he was over me…with his bloody teeth,he looked so pale and out of his head…I went to my phone to call 911,he smashed my phone,I was half out of house half In as he was trying to drag me by my feet back in…I was screaming for help. It was around 2am. Finally some neighbors came,and the spath took off running. Did I let him back in our home? of course. He came back the next day and said..”Boy,WE can really get nuts huh?” one of the only times he would refer to us as a WE. He was so used to me sitting at home(which I was more than happy to do in the evenings,read,knit,create) while he was at work…that those 2 little things,my car parked differently and boots at the foyer,sent him into a rage. good lord what an idiot I have been!
Oh my god… I read thru this page and it is disturbing.. And a load of rubbish.. An abusive boyfriend-type and a sociopath are not the same thing. But this page promotes that. Maybe rather than focusing on negative things we should focus on mending our relationships and not finding reasons to destroy them? If your boyfriend/husband is abusive of course that is not a safe relationship to be in. But what does that have to do with behavior disorders and the mentally ill? Websites like this and Facebook, etc. are the leading cause of paranoia and broken relationships.. That’s my two cents…
?? I don’t think websites like this, facebook etc are the leading cause of paranoia!! … why would someone come to a site like this, if they weren’t trapped in a surreal relationship with someone who wasn’t treating them right?
I am sorry that you don’t like it. But… actually this method DOES work. It is about the only thing that I found to combat a sociopath.
I have a question concerning my new husband of 10 weeks. He was diagnosed with bipolar mid-20’s and was hospitalized with hallucinations, grandiose thoughts. I didn’t know that until after I married him. He avoids all negativity. He even says he does not do stress. If he stresses because I have started an argument with him he will go to the casino. He behaves childishly at times and when chatting/typing will do the same. If I complain more than once he will ask why I am causing so much drama or he’ll say “how many times do I have to hear this” or “I’ve heard this story before.” He calls me Miss Negativity if I say something that he thinks is negative. We are separated by 3500 miles – different countries. He avoids telling me things or he turns things around which confuses me. I’ve seen him get very upset if I was winning a game of pool or I was asking tough questions like why did he move a woman into the house next door who he said was a niece and she needed a place to stay in return for some manual labor. He tells me he loves me (he told me he thought we were soul-mates months after we had known each other and were already serious) but he doesn’t seem to need to be with me as much as I’d like on Skype. He doesn’t act like a typical new bridegroom. He doesn’t call and wish me a good day or say he’s thinking of me. I question how he really feels about me. His bipolar is untreated. I am wondering if he is a sociopath or is his untreated mania the reason he acts like he does. He does not act like narcissist. He doesn’t brag about himself. He does act inappropriately with strangers in public and they look at him strangely. He acts like a child when he doesn’t get his way or if you cross him. Can you provide any input because I am trying to distance myself from him.
Hi welcome to the site. The first thing that I would ask is a) how long have you known him b) have you ever lived together c) how much do you really know about him? Have you met friends family in his real life? Did you meet online?
I just wanted to say that you article is very good, except for the in the entire thing has nothing in it about the female side as well. There is nothing but “he this” and “he that” .
I think you should re think what you are putting down as it makes you look you are placing the blame only on men as sociopaths.
Shame on you
shame on me? It was written in 2013 as my own personal blog. About the male sociopath I was involved with. At a time when my brain was so frozen in shock I had no concept of the outside world or emotional connection. Shame on you for casting judgements. All earlier posts are written in this way, later posts gender neutral.
In the end it does not matter that much. That rage is unbearable whatever disorder the person has.
I think it is a very helpfull blog. Thanks. And I think your descritiption sounds right. But nthese personality disorders are just classes of symptoms. Put into boxes. And new research (also neurobiological) shows that because of severe attachment disorder, you can have all kinds of problems like emotional instability, splitting, lack of empathy, no emaotion, psychotic feateres, grandiosity and false self/entitlement, learning difficulties, hypersensitivity, hyperactivity, ptsd etc etc. And every person – is unique in their combination of these traits. According to their specific upbringing. And therefor it is difficult to taalk about specific disorders like bpd and sociopathy etc. Most people have several combinations of traits.
Hi All, please read and comment:
my story is similar to all of yours and i am glad that others know how it feels to be with a person with a mental disorder.
i started dating my ex in my senior year, we were so in love and everything started well. i started to know everything about his life: i met his family, traveled together, he did most of the talking because i am a little bit shy, and it was then i didnt know he was so self centred. he had a high sex drive and was very impulsive, and i thought it was normal.
one time i opened up to my mom because i felt like i knew everything about his life, how he thinks, what he likes and doesn’t, but he BARLEY knew anything about me.
he convinced me to do many things and made me feel small, he convinced me to see him as this big shot that i was lucky to have, i felt like i was an extension of his life and i could see my personality slipping, like if i was being erased and didnt know who i was anymore. he offered me the world and basically said i was nothing without him. he is very smart and i believed everything, his love blinded me.
also, he had stages in his life like ´movie´, when sometimes, he loved to go out, others, he hated it, he loved baseball, then he loved soccer… etc.
it was not until the end of the year when things started going downhill. he stopped seeing his friends, he barely talked to me and he was very distant and isolated.
his mom and mine went to eat together because he invited me to pass the holidays and thats when his mom told mine that he suffers from Bipolar Disorder, and that she doesn’t recommend me to go on the trip because my ex bf was very in balanced, he had stopped taking medications because he decided that they didnt make him feel ´alive`
learning that my ex bf had BPD made a lot of sense, his selfishness, self centred, controlling and calculating, high sex drive, manic moments, depression moments. it was very shocking for me.
He dosent know that i know that he has BPD . and ever since i broke up with him he hasn’t talk to me .. again, very calculating and manipulative.
reading this article made me wonder if he has a degree of sociopathy.
i am glad that i am out of that toxic relationship but i also feel bad for him because he has a disease..
what to you guys think?
„You see, when I met him, i was still stuck in trauma and shock from a previous event. My brain was frozen in shock. He was a charismatic, and he mirrored me,… sold me back myself. Which for me, was EXACTLY what I needed. It was after he split up that i thought what the hell is wrong with you? …. and of course then I found about sociopath and everything he had done had made sense.“
The same here…..
Sam
Wow. Me too. I have PTSD. My brain was frozen in shock from when my baby died year before. Events in the hospital. I had sat with my grandmother held her hand as she died. Only weeks before meeting him. In fact this most and many of the posts here were written when I was both still severely traumatised and he was currently in my life. You will probably connect to my work.