You can never go far wrong when you listen to your inner voice. Your inner you. That nagging voice at the back of your head, in the pit of your stomach, that questions ‘is this right?’
If you are in a situation where something feels WRONG. Mostly likely it IS wrong, at least for YOU it is wrong.
Learning to trust yourself, isn’t something that all adults have as they reach adulthood.
You might have grown up in an unsafe environment, where the people that you trusted to take care of you as a child abused or neglected you. If this happens, you can spend many years as an adult, trying to find your feet in life.
You might also have grown up in a very stable home, and went into adulthood as a stable, well adjusted person. Who knew what you want out of life, damage could have been done by someone who abused you and altered your senses.
Whatever your background – always know who YOU are, and what is right for you!
Too often we make excuses for other people. Someone hurts us, and we brush it off, and tell ourselves, that this is OK. When in fact, it really isn’t OK.
If you make excuses for someones behaviour, what you are really doing is ENABLING their behaviour. You are giving permission and allowing this to happen to you.
If you have been involved with a sociopath, it is likely that you have been manipulated and controlled. For those who are ‘nice’ people pleaser types of people, you don’t want to cause upset, and don’t like friction or confrontation, and are more likely to comply.
It is NEVER OK, to comply with someone else’s needs, when their needs, feel morally wrong to you. If it feels wrong, it IS wrong. At least it is wrong for you. It is OK to say NO.
Letting go so you can grow
Sometimes in life, you have to let go of a situation, because it is toxic, it is not healthy and not good for you. It does not look out for your needs, and what is right for you. All of us have our own life path, and are here for different reasons. Somebody else cannot determine what is right or wrong for you. Only you know the answer to this.
Have you ever been in a situation where you were feeling stressed, even to the point where it made you ill, and then when that situation went, you felt an instant release, only for a few days later, for anxiety to kick back in and you are again second guessing whether you had made the right decision?
What is happening here, is your ability to trust yourself is kicking back in. You are second doubting yourself and your ability to judge accurately.
Why do you have problems with trusting yourself and making accurate decisions for yourself?
There are many reasons, but here are a few
- Peer pressure
- Feeling the need to comply to others wishes, or feeling a sense of ‘responsibility’ not wanting to let someone else down
- Being manipulated and controlled in an abusive relationship
- When you are blackmailed or threatened
- Putting someone else’s needs before your own – this is especially true if you feel that can ‘fix’ or ‘heal’ a situation or person
When you feel that you can fix or heal a situation or person
Again, there are many reasons why you could be the type of person who wants to ‘fix’ or ‘heal’ someone else. These are a few that I can think of:
- Replaying childhood roles
- If you work in a situation where it is part of your role in your job, to fix and heal, if you are successful at this, and seeing change in others, you can believe that everyone can manage at least some change
- If you are manipulated at first, to believe that someone is different to who they are – and fall in love with this illusion of the person. You might struggle to accept reality of who the person really is – and want to bring back the person that was perfect that you really fell in love with
You can never go wrong when you trust yourself
Recently I had to make a decision. It was a huge one. It was something that had ruled my life for a very long time. I decided, that the stress that it was causing me, didn’t deserve anymore time or effort in my life. I had to let it go.
Letting it go, meant that I would lose financially. However, it also meant that I wouldn’t be in a situation that felt morally wrong. The person had pushed me, and I felt blackmailed into making a decision. That person had assessed me wrong, and had figured that I was in something for the money. I never was. It was always about what was fundamentally right to me.
I realised that I couldn’t continue the way that things were, and that if I were to stay it would be a compromise too far. It had taken so much from me, making me continually ill. So much so, it was impossible to write this blog. Or, at least, I struggled to write.
Letting go, gave me FREEDOM… yes, I write that letter in capitals, as FREEDOM is so very underrated. Sometimes we can confuse the term freedom (that you have gained) with other things – such as:
- Being unsupported
- Being rejected
- Being abandoned
- Not being good enough
- Feeling let down
Etc, etc, etc…..
But you know the truth is – what THEY think, doesn’t really matter. It is what YOU think that matters.
You shine bright like a star, all in your own right. You do not need somebody else to determine who YOU are. Sometimes people can put pressure on you, to be something or someone who you are not. Or other times, you try to be someone to keep someone else happy, but what is the point of this? If you are not happy yourself?
So many times on this blog, people question
Was this person a sociopath?
This doesn’t matter. It isn’t important what they are. What is important is who YOU are, while it is normal to try to understand the confusion of what has happened to you, after this…. its all about bringing centre and focus back to you.
Instead of asking what they are? …. instead ask
How did I feel about me when I was with this person?
How did the ending of this relationship make me feel about me?
Did this person treat me with respect?
Did they look out for my wellbeing?
Did I grow as a person when I was with this person?
If the answer is NO to ANY of those questions. The answer is not who or what they are???? – but rather, were they good enough for YOU?? Actually, if the answer was no to any one of those questions, it is likely that person was never good for you. This is true whether they were a sociopath or not.
Blaming is a cop out
Blaming someone else, is quite frankly a cop out. I appreciate that certain people can turn our worlds upside down. I know that it is never the victims fault when they have been deceived, manipulated or abused. Once you know the truth – it IS then your decision.
Don’t blame someone else. By blaming, you merely put your energy back out there to someone else.
Look within. Look at you. Make a list and write down what YOU want to achieve. Where do you want to be in life?
- See it
- Visualise it
- Write it down
- Put the energy out there to the universe
You can do this. Listen to your inner voice. Listen to you. Find yourself. Trust yourself, you really are worth it and NOBODY is a better judge of what is right for you, or your life, than YOU.
Copyright datingasociopath.com 2014