Quitting a Socio/Psychopath is a two fold affair. You need to not only do the physical act of No Contact, in a sense, that part is easy, there is also the psychological act of quitting. That part, particularly after you have been brainwashed, can be more problematic and difficult.
It is very much like quitting smoking. You have to 1. Do the actual act of stopping smoking, (the habit) 2. Then overcome the psychological addiction. Truthfully, nicotine addiction is only meant to be 3 days. But – people suffer for a long time afterwards. Some people suffer more than others.
I have quit smoking for 90 days now. This time, was the final time quitting for me. I just didn’t WANT to smoke anymore. Yes, those thoughts do still creep into my head, but I wasn’t telling myself that I was actually MISSING anything.
Sociopaths are very good at planting seeds in your head, and ‘head managing’ you. Telling you what to think. They install and reinforce beliefs into your head, which you might not even think yourself. Tell you the same message enough, and repeatedly you will eventually start to believe this message.
When you have quit from the sociopath, implementing a No Contact rule, is only part of the process. The other part has to be
1. A willingness to WANT to quit
2. An Ability to see WHY this relationship is BAD for you
3. A vision of how and why your life is BETTER without them
4. To look at your abuser in a realistic way – not through rose coloured glasses
Many people quit smoking, and are very strong in the beginning. They know exactly WHY they are quitting, and their quit is strong. They are NEVER going back to smoking again, they tell themselves. Perhaps a bit like the person quitting an abuser, in the beginning WHY you are quitting, is obvious, it is bad for
– Your finances
– Your appearance
– Your social standing
– Your freedom
– Your psychology
Once you have been quit for a while, perhaps a month, or often by three months, something happens in the brain, you can forget the bad, the very reason why you quit that person. You quit them because they were bad for you. OR they quit you….. because they were bad for you!
Three months down the line you might forget these reasons. Or you might feel weaker as an individual. You might not have moved on as you had hoped you would. Or you might feel that you ‘need’ your abuser. Some people experience Stockholm Syndrome, or Trauma Bonding towards their abuser.
DON’T GO BACK – WRITE A LIST OF LOSSES AND WHY!
Your list will be your helpful friend. Write a list as soon as you can, WHY you are doing no contact, this will help you to stick to no contact and not break it.
Also follow yourself, and your own intuition. Remember that EVERYBODY is an individual. You must do what is right for YOU. For some people, they need to place their hands in the fire a number of times and get burned a number of times, before they get the message. THIS HURTS. Or for others, they can cut off contact, and move on with their lives.
You might have (and probably were) lied to by the sociopath, and sold the ‘dream’ that they would ‘help’ you. If you are truthful with yourself now, just HOW many of your problems were created, deliberately BY them?
Sociopaths target people. They ruin people. Please, do not think that they are with someone who is BETTER than you. They don’t see people like this. At least not long term they don’t. Simply because they get bored. They get bored of people, situations, they have to
– Create a drama
– Cause trouble
– Play games
– Lie, Manipulate and Deceive
Do you really think that they had a personality transplant? Believe me, if they are REALLY a Sociopath, the same person WILL emerge with the next person. Even if they believe themselves that they won’t. They will repeat the cycle of behaviour over again. They might have something new, that isn’t broken. But they will break their new toy, just as they have broken all their toys in the past.
I am sure that the Sociopath’s will at this come out in force and protest – but – you know I am right!
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