Trust in Me…….
I bet people in your life questioned why you ended up with some psychopathic loon for a partner, and just how did you become so compliant? Where did your strength, your energy, your inner fight and determination go? How did this person end up wielding SO much power and control over your life?
For some people, it was an easy target. The person was either sick, heartbroken, looking for someone or bereaved. The weak and the vulnerable are easy targets. But what about the other people? Those with good careers? Strong, independent people? Just how did you end up in a relationship with someone who held so much power and control over your life?
Shhhhh….. it is far more than seduction techniques
Let’s face it most people can see through a sleaze bag chat up person a mile off. Their fake smile, and cheesy lines say it all. The cracks start to appear almost from day one. But the Sociopath is different. They have mastered their craft. Being without the normal range of human emotions, they are not held back, and are free to take over another persons life.
This is more than the average seduction techniques. One that you might witness on a used car sales lot as the sleaze bag tries to convince you to buy a clapped out banger. Trying to convince you that it is the bargain of the century that you won’t get elsewhere.
The Sociopath is a master at their craft. Sociopaths need victims that they can own, possess and control. The initial stage is the assessment, where they appear very interested in you, your life, your history, your family and friends. You wouldn’t know that their stories about their life, are either wildly elaborate from the truth, or more likely, outrageous lies. The mirroring of their experiences with yours builds an initial sense of trust. You see, gaining your trust is of utmost importance to the Sociopath. Without trust, you are nothing to them. They need to gain trust, and then the real work can commence.
By asking you a set of questions, creating false scenarios, to see how you respond and react, observing how you interact with others, and how others interact with you, they can build an accurate picture of:
Your core soul wound
I do not think that it was an accident that my ex, when he took off onto internet dating sites (they can’t be alone) after we split, he used the name ‘soul soother’.
At interview/assessment stage the Sociopath will discover:
- Who you are
- Any weaknesses In your armour
- Any unresolved hurt and pain from the past
- Any issues from childhood
- Who are your support network (who will stand in the way)
- Ultimately, what your core soul wound is
Everybody almost has a core soul wound. Most of ours is not about being out of control. Messages that we might have received in childhood , or sometimes by a later trauma in life
- You are not good enough
- You do not deserve ……
- You are too ugly/fat/thin
- You are not worthy
- You are stupid
- You will amount to nothing in life
- You will always be poor
- Feelings of rejection
- Fears of abandonment
- Fear of loss
- Inability to trust
If you were to say ONE sentence – that you have carried all of your life. A sentence that has held you back, what would that sentence be?
It is my belief, that all Sociopaths have a soul wound carried from childhood. This wound they have carried with them all of their lives. Often the wound that the Sociopath carried from childhood is being out of control and learning that nobody can be trusted. Often in the Sociopaths childhood, traumatic events happened, that left them feeling out of control, and having no safe adult to confide an trust in. So, they learned not to care. Nobody really cared about them. As an adult, they only feel in control, by having control over others. This might be, why you felt sorry for them, saw the child inside of the grown up. Were pulled in by how well they play victim.
The Sociopath needs control of others, to feel worthwhile and to obtain and keep control of another, they need to discover what YOUR core soul wound is. .
How the sociopath hypnotises, lures you in, and takes possession of you by soothing the core soul wound
After assessment, once discovering what your soul wound is. The sociopath being the prolific liar, will then SOOTH your core soul wound. And so,
- If your message is you are stupid, they will compliment how clever you are
- If you feel dull, they will make you feel alive, and say what good company you are
- If you feel ugly/fat/disfigured, they will say how beautiful/handsome you are
- If you feel not good enough, they will treat you like you are the greatest prize and how lucky they are to have you
- If you feel you will amount to nothing in life, they will encourage you with false business plans
- If you feel it is yours to be poor, they will offer a rich and fantastical future
- If you have been hit by loss, abandonment, bereavement, they will promise to always be around and never leave you
You will feel accepted, loved and wanted. The process of ownership, possession and control has begun. Which now makes the sociopath feel comfortable, as they now have control over you. Feeling out of control themselves, they struggle to function without control over another person. You feel happy and content. You can feel that you have met your soul mate. The love of your life. The person that you will spend your life with. You can hardly believe your luck.
However, the Sociopath is also an insecure creature, remember that they often come from a background of abuse, and neglect. (Psychopaths don’t always but most Sociopaths do). They do not feel comfortable when things are ‘good, and happy’. Every time that they became comfortable with good and happy as a child, things went wrong and the rug was pulled from under their feet. Inside, while they have a need for security, they do not feel comfortable with it. Once the Sociopath has earned your trust, when things have been good for a while, they will sabotage what was built and created with you. When this happens, feeling hurt, you will try to pull away. So the sociopath will try to seduce you again, and again, to regain control over you. You see, losing control over you, triggers the sociopaths core soul wound (and you will witness the narcissistic rage) – followed by attempting to sooth your soul wound again – and so the cycle of abuse continues.
I have tried to find video about core soul wound, there isn’t too much out there. Nothing really that I wanted to put into this post. But I have found this one. I do apologise, as I couldn’t find one that explained, or tried to, without God… there isn’t any other ones out there.
Why does it hurt so much? Why, when someone has treated me so badly, do I miss them? Why do I feel such an empty space inside of me? Why do I feel so stuck? Why do I struggle to move forward and move on?
You feel this way, because the sociopath is expert at SOOTHING YOUR CORE SOUL WOUND. It is this memory, and the sense of betrayal that this has now been taken away, that can leave you feeling ‘stuck’, as likely when they left, they ripped the wound wide open again. Leaving you feeling, betrayed, angry, hurt and confused.
The sociopath doesn’t have a conscience. But they do have a need to control and dominate others. Just as they felt out of control and not cared for earlier in their lives. Being ‘top dog’, winning, being in control, and being dominant over another is all that really matters to them. It is this feeling that keeps them alive. They do not feel bad for treating others in this way. In fact, they think that they have done you a favour. Inside they do not feel worthwhile, so others, are worthless. They have their own core soul wounds, which perhaps you tried to fix. How many of you saw that broken insecure child inside, and tried to help them? But were left feeling devastated, when you were later betrayed? The one who was in my life would always hide behind sickness and illness. Claims of anxiety, upcoming serious illness or even death.
Do you remember the time, when you felt that you were with the love of your life? The honeymoon period? Do you remember when you thought that you had finally met the person that you had searched your whole life for? Do you remember that sense of peace, and calm within?
This was the sociopath soothing your core soul wound. Like a child, who had received the biggest hug in the world. Right then, at that moment, everything was alright with the world.
As it is fake, and as it has to more do with control, manipulation and deceit, than genuine connection and compassion, the Sociopath cannot keep it up long term. This is why repeated cycles of behaviour will occur. It is like somebody putting a bandage on your wound, making you feel wonderful, and then cruelly ripping it off, leaving it exposed to the elements, causing excruciating pain. Pain that perhaps you had never felt in your life.
When your soul wound is being soothed, it feels hypnotic. Like a baby being rocked by its loving parent. You feel safe, and at home, content and happy. This is how the Sociopath takes control of you. This is how you are hypnotised. This is why you trust. You trust because it is the feeling that you have looked for, perhaps all of your life, and indeed, might feel like the missing piece of you.
You might wonder, how does the Sociopath just ‘move on’ didn’t you have something ‘special’ together? The truth is, that they can mirror anybody. By having the ability to read people, to assess and analyse, they can figure out what everyone’s core soul wound is. So, they move onto the next person, mirroring their core soul wound, and carefully soothing them so that the next person feels wonderful.
But happiness, did not lie in the Sociopaths past. And so, they feel a sense of anger, injustice, and vengefulness, towards that inner state of peace, bliss and happiness in others. For it is not something that they feel comfortable with themselves. Having control over another, is not quite enough. If you were that happy, you could escape and run off with somebody else. So, they, when threatened, will rip off the bandage that is holding you together, and you fall apart, again, and again, until you are pulled in, lured back in, and soothed again.
It can be so confusing, as you battle the truth in your mind. On the one hand, being with this person felt so good, so warm, so caring. So, well just so right. On the other, it was hell, where your world was turn upside down. So you spend time, trying to make things right. Trying to get back to that ‘good’ time. If the Sociopath still has something that they want from you, they will encourage you to believe that they are just about to make recovery, and that things will be different again. Again, you feel soothed, calm, and everything feels right with the world. You won’t understand why the Sociopath, will later betray you again. Why, or how you deserved this? Confusion is caused, by the wonderful feeling when your core soul wound is being soothed, and the horrific pain, when this is taken away, or used against you. You might leave the relationship feeling
- Emotionally raped
- Confused whether this person was good or bad, saint or sinner
What you will almost certainly feel, is betrayed.
Moving onto healing and recovery
In healing and recovery, it is important to see the truth. To see the illusion and the clever magic trick, that is performed by the Sociopath. It isn’t that you are worthless. It never was about that. It isn’t that they used you, then moved onto someone else. Neither is it that they are better than you. Maybe you got wise to them, didn’t trust them anymore, and wouldn’t allow them to soothe you, learning previously, how that had ultimately caused you more pain than you had ever experienced in your life. The sociopath then feels that their usefulness to you, and you to them, has now passed. It is time to move on.
What is your core soul wound? Look deep within. What is the message/sentence that you have been carrying, that has held you back in life? What is it that the Sociopath put a band aid plaster on, for a short while, to enable you to trust them more than you had ever trusted anybody in your life – only for you to be betrayed at a later date?
This is why betrayal hurts so deeply. It comes from a place deep within you. You trusted, you gave everything because you trusted this person. Perhaps you trusted this person more than you had trusted since childhood. Perhaps you let this person closer to you than anyone has been since childhood. But they took it away, leaving you feeling hurt, humiliated and degraded. You likely felt used, violated, emotionally raped. An empty shell of the person that you once were.
Do you know what the beauty of this is? Do you know what the magic of this lesson is? It is perhaps to teach you, ‘what your core soul wound is, and to learn to fix and heal yourself?’
This is why I say that you will change for the better, you will come out, stronger and better. Having learned how it felt to live partially, with that core soul wound soothed and feeling healed. You should be inspired to do this for yourself, so that you can live this life, not just sometimes, aided by someone else, but all of the time.
First step is to forgive yourself for allowing this to happen to you – Establishing no contact, will stop the cycle of abuse, and remove the Sociopaths ability to hypnotise, and brain wash you
Second Step is to trust yourself! This gives you the opportunity to undo the brain washing and mind control. You do not need them to fix you – you are capable of doing this all on your own (even if your wound is one of abandonment)
Third step is to reach back to the past, to those in your life, who truly love you, this will help with seeing reality, and altering that twisted view of the world, that was given by them
The final step is to rebuild your life, for you!
The Sociopath will continue to do this to everybody that they meet. This is how they function in the world. For you, you need to heal and fix you. Maybe the Sociopath brought to your attention, the healing that is required within. For, if you hadn’t met them, you wouldn’t have known that you could be that vulnerable. You are free now, free to heal and fix you. Once you have healed you are free to move on to be the best of you and to live happier than you had ever known in your life before.
Love yourself! You really are worth it! x
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