The first thing that we need to get straight, is that YOU are not the crazy one. You might be reading this, and feel, ‘how could I have let this happen to me?’
Sociopaths and Psychopaths are truly crazy. And if you spend too much time, they will convince you that YOU are the crazy one. When you get time away from the sociopath, after the heartache has gone, and the fog and cloud begins to leave your head, and you start to detach from the control, and lies, and deception, you hit a place called reality. Often you haven’t been in reality for a long time. At first, reality can be a painful space.
Space is a good word, that empty space. Within that space was the illusion in your head, that you were fed, that consisted only of lies and deception. When you are with the sociopath, they will deliberately belittle you, and make you feel like you are going crazy. They will feed information into you, subtle mind control telling you
- What others think of you (which might be lies)
- How weak you are
- How much there is something wrong with you
When you believe these things that are told about you, you start to withdraw. It’s hurtful, and painful You are fed the seeds of doubt into your mind, about others opinions of you. You will regularly hear
- Everyone says
- Oh no wonder this person said
- I went out and saw this person who said this about you
If the sociopath is very charismatic, they will do this under the guise of ‘helping you’ will say things like
- Don’t worry, we can go out together
- Defending you, to you against the other person to your face (putting down the other person, telling you that you are right)
- They obviously don’t know you like I do, I love you
You could come off thinking that everybody hates you, nobody likes you, that the sociopath is your best friend. After all it is the sociopath who is taking care of you, looking after you, and everyone else has turned against you. If you react against the false allegations, especially by having a rant on social networking sites, you are made out to be the crazy one. By doing this, by reacting to false allegations, you can then be accused of being
- Paranoid
- Delusional
- Negative
- Trouble maker
This will then reinforce what the sociopath has already said about you. Now the seeds of doubt that were being sown in your mind are starting to become a reality. This is mind control. You can waste a lot of energy defending the person that you really are, after you are accused (deliberately) of being someone that you are not.
How the sociopath will make you feel about YOU
To create a healthy balanced reationship, you need two people who feel happy, healthy and whole about themselves. Someone who doesn’t need someone else to define him/her.
With the sociopathic relationship, and with any other mental disorder, the relationship can quickly become toxic. In the relationship with the sociopath, the crazy making behaviour can make you feel
- Unwanted
- Unloved
- Unpopular
- Ill
- Sick
- Stressed
- Traumatised
- Isolated
- Withdrawn
- Angry
- Bitter
- Confused
- Ashamed
- Humiliated
- Embarassed
- Defensive
Those seeds of thought that are put into your head, can go around in your head, like a film that will not switch off. The sense of hurt and betrayal can feel overwhelming, and you might have a desire to ‘put the record straight’ for people to know the truth. You feel that you are constantly trying to defend a person that you are portrayed to be, that you know you are not. This is EMOTIONAL ABUSE!!
STOP DON’T DO THIS!!!
Doing this falls right into the sociopaths trap. This is exactly what they want you to do. Remember how the seeds of thought were planted in YOUR mind. They will also be planted in other peoples minds, about you too. You reacting, will only reinforce the lies that have been told about you.
I feel awful, how can things get better
The only way for things to get better, is to establish No Contact, and to come out of the fog of illusion and deception. this means
- Block phone calls
- Block texts
- Block email
- ESPECIALLY DO NOT LOOK AT THEIR SOCIAL NETWORKING SITES!!!! (I am going to write my next post about this and what happens when you do)
By establishing No contact, you give yourself room to breath. Space to think. The longer that you have no contact, the fog of illusion will leave your mind. The lies that were told will start to disperse, and you will start to see the truth. You need this, as if you do not have time and space, you will not be able to process what has happened to you, and heal. If you stay in contact, your focus on energy will be on the sociopath and not on you. You need to bring attention back to you, focus back to you.
The sociopath sees life as game. You are a player in his game. The only way to stop the abuse is to stop playing the game. Remove yourself, allow yourself time to heal and recover. When you do …. you will start to see the truth….
The truth will set you free!! 🙂
Words © datingasociopath.com
Dating a Sociopath 
Very good post, I enjoyed reading it. This spath gets out of jail in 2 wweeks. All year I had no contact, hed call and I wouldnt answer. No letters no nothing. The first time he wrote me I brought the letters to the police station cause we have a restraining order. But with no xcontact u do clear ur head out of the fog , its true.. I cant begin to tell u that this year of no contact has made a world of difference in my jealth the way I see things now everything is much more clearer to me now.when he gets outt jail and he calls me I will not answer any #’s that r not in my contacts. So yes I am not stressed out no mote and rhe dr. told my blood pressure was very good, sure its good, he aint around me deceiving and lying to me. He used to wait till I went to slep and was screing 2 woman in my buiding who knew we were together, I had arguement with both of them and then they found out about each other, haha good for them. I was so disrespected and depressed and just felt unloved, nothing worse than a scorned woman. But thank God I feel like my old self again. God Bless eveeyone on this site, and remember the first true tep to healing is “NO CONTACT”
Absolutely thank you Bewildered!!! Sounds like you are truly coming out of the fog!!! 🙂
Oh yes Positivegirl, I feel so much better. My brain doesnt feel foggy anymore, Im not stressed anymore. My b/p way down, Im gaining weight, I have my apetite back.Im happy again, ive cried, ive grieved for someone that never was, got it all out of my system. I thihnk a yrs. Enoufh time to grieve. Just b happy……..
Well around 12:30 this afternoon I received a phonecall from jail and the name of the person calling was James, so I thought it was my son and I accepted it and it was the spath in a happy friendly voice telling me hes going home soon. I was in shock though showed no emotion. He asked me to tell my son Sosomething and I said okaee I will make sure he got the message, then I think he wanted to feel me out cause he paused so I said goodby and when he said goodby it wasnt happy and friendly anymore he just pretended to be happy. What an asshole, he isnt gonna lea e me alone, I feel so recovered now, since this trick phonecall I feel very uneasy now.
When he gets into your psyche and your headspace, it can be unnerving. Especially as you have been doing so well. He probably had ‘dupers delight’ that he had conned you into taking the call saying he was James.
This has happened today, tomorrow is another day. Try to see tomorrow as a new day. You can again take back the power. It is important that you remember that you have the power over your life. Centre and ground yourself. If you are struggling. Tomorrow write lists. Why you are better off without him – Another all the the bad things that he did – another things that you would like to achieve (and why it would be difficult to do with him in your life). Tomorrow is another day, to regain your power. Sending you a hug…. you can do this, you have been doing absolutely brilliantly!!
You are absolutly correct, thats exactly what is was dupers delight, well he may have tricked me into taking that call, but he still knows where he stands on our relationship, I showed no emotion and I know he sensed I didnt want to soeak to him. UGGGG. Im going to do the list thing. Thankyou Positivagirl I needed that… Hugs to u 2. Peace an love as well!!!
The longer there is no contact the better it gets!
Hi positivagirl, I saw what you said about lists! I was doing that before I even broke away from my Sociopath. And sometime after. I would list all of the lies he told me, and even the negative truths he had admitted to me, and all of the bad things. I would pull those up everytime I had good thoughts about him, to remind me of the reality. I wrote a lot of things, messages to him addressing different things, just a lot of writing to put things into perspective and I never sent it out. I only sent one letter to him, when I ended everything… now I wish I had not, I probably helped him add to his skill set by sending that letter.
An yes. I love lists. So empowering x
Reblogged this on Paula's Pontifications and commented:
There is nothing more annoying and frustrating than to be called “crazy” when all you ever did was put up with someone who was the real “crazy” one. (But don’t forget–they’ll say the same about you. Accept it.)
I have no idea what my ex-Sociopath has said about me, its been six months since we last spoke. When he was cheating on me for the 2nd time, this is when I walked away. I never confronted him on the 2nd cheat because by this time I realized that he would never be truthful and this is who he was. At this time, I had no idea he was a sociopath. It took me many months after no contact to realize what he was. I made the mistake of trying to warn the new victim. I had already been through so much with him and I knew exactly how things would go for her. He is going to tell her that the other women meant nothing to him in the past, but she was the most amazing person he ever met, that he never knew anyone like her, he was going to have so much in common with her and she would feel they were meant to be! He will want to move in together and get married quickly. Then over time, he would start giving her the cold shoulder and being hateful (especially when she started noticing that he was always lying) I also know that he will have other women he is doing the same thing to at the same time he is building her up. The problem is by me trying to help her, before she got serious with him, I only made myself look bad, and I am sure that he has made me out to be crazy. That is how he talked to me about his ex-wife. It really does not matter to me what he tells her about me, it is only a matter of time before he comes out of his mask and she will see who the true him is, and she will see that he was in fact the problem, the crazy one… She will see that I was being truthful and trying to help her, and she will finally realize that she is not the exception to his game of lies, deceit, and betrayal… Everything will unfold. Its just too bad that she could not understand what I was trying to tell her. (and at that time that I told her everything that he did, I did not even know he was a sociopath) She could of saved herself from a lot of heartache, pain, and confusion… and unfortunately, it could be worse for her that it was for me. I have realized I have to save myself, worry about me, and keep moving forward. Also, not worry about anyone thinking that I am crazy!
Such a good article. I think my daughter is a sociopath. Her father is passive aggressive so I have a very high tolerence to frustration. Around her teens and her father and I seperating, she became difficult. At 15, she was dramatic and screaming that she was like the child named IT. Now she was a bit spoiled maybe. That is about the time that I dated a sociopath that ended up being my stalker hoping he could scare me enough to move in.
Anyway, my daughter is now 25, dramatic, actress, liar, has told me what others say about me and then denies it months or a yr later. I have watched her turn on people in a second and she scares me. I have had almost no contact with her since early june. She is now a lawyer and practicing in my town. She has bled me for my savings. I have had to give her whatever she wants or she will make my life hell. I was glad when my savings was finally gone because she would not leave me alone. I know that I would have to have very strong boundaries if I had any cash or settled my divorce. She has also physically assaulted me a handful of times. More than anything, she is a crazy maker. I could let her words roll off my shoulder until I had a head injury, broken rib and collapsed lung. That was the beginning of me believing that I am stupid and crazy.
My mother was a Narcissist (NPD) so I lived through Hell my whole childhood. Not certain she’d have qualified as a sociopath but she certainly damaged me a great deal 😦
😦 personality disorders in general can cause so much damage, esp when it comes from your parents. 😦
Yeah, they sure can 😦 I used to be attracted to men with NPD but fortunately I was too fearful of men/sex at the time to be in a relationship with them. Took a lot of therapy just to figure out my mom had brainwashed me into being the family “nun”!
Are you feeling better today Natalya?
Yes, much better. I am still single but at least I am not making plans to join a convent! LOL
🙂 …. single is far better than being in a toxic relationship – and in a convent lol
LOL, it is! 😉
Hi Natalya, My ex-sociopath had 2 teenage kids, a girl and a boy. When I finally realized that he was a liar, deceitful, betrayer, and all around crazy. I often wondered what his kids were going through. He never abused them in front of me, but I can only imagine what they could have went through. It took me many months after no contact before I learned that he was a sociopath. I know he was married to his wife for 14 years. I feel so bad for what she and the kids must of went through!!
Thanks Barbi/New Day! I’m glad you left your ex and am sorry for the kids he had.
When I first found out what a sociopath was & that he was indeed one I was VERY confused. My heart so wanted to believe in him, but my head knew better. Towards the end when he knew things were falling apart he REALLY turned on the charm & the lies got increasingly more ridiculous. I listened and tried to make sense of it all. I always caved, but later on would feel completely stupid for it. I would then call/text and end things. That happened at least 5 times. The end result was him labeling me “bi-polar” and saying if he could put up with me being crazy then we could work things out. LOL! The nerve of some people…..
That sounds just like with my ex. After we broke up I believed him and talked to him again so many times. I knew it wasn’t a good idea but I made excuses that I actually believed every time. It’s different with me, he really loves me, he’d never do that to me, I know him differently. I still don’t want to believe it now. I want to believe that he did love me and it wasn’t just a game. It is incredibly hurtful and I cry a lot. He also told me how crazy I was and would say he can’t keep up with it and say things to make me feel even crazier.
Reblogged this on Mind of a Virgo and commented:
Great information
I find the image rather ironic
you mentioned above that your next article would be about why you shouldnt look at their social media and what happens when you do, can you show me where it is?
Thank u for the information!!! This is so true about my ex. We were togeather for12 yrs… and got married a yr ago. Reading this has given me closure and to realise that i was right all along. He was one messed up cunt. Thank u once again.
You are welcome. I am glad that it makes sense to you.Hopefully help you to realise that YOU are not the crazy one!!
My bff has been dating someone that fits your description to a “t” except for one thing. This person has lots if friends from growing up that act like she walks on water. Is that possible for a sociopath? Other than that she acts like a total sociopather
Sorry for typo
I guess it could be possible. Maybe if she grew up around these people they are charmed by her. Maybe she hasn’t disrupted their life, ruined or conned them. Maybe?
I’ve just read this post and it is very applicable to what I’ve been feeling lately. I’ve been gearing up to face the Spath (through a letter) and I’ve been wondering what this person’s reaction will be. Kind of playing it out in my mind. I kind of fantasize about an actual confrontation, and what I would do… and how I would behave is much like the sociopath would! For example, I probably wouldn’t let this person’s comments bother me (appear cold), show no remorse for what I’ve said to/about this spath, etc (why would I? I said those things and I meant them–I don’t say things unless I mean it). It’s making me think that I’M the crazy one! I don’t show a lot of emotion (anyone familiar with the Myers Briggs types? I’m a “cold and reserved” INTJ). I’m pretty much comfortable with the decisions I’ve made in my life–I try to live in a way that I WON’T regret later for that very reason. On the other hand, I tell myself there’s no way I’M the crazy one, I would have figured this out years earlier, as I’m a college graduate, am successful, have successful friends and looked up to by a lot of people. I’m a hard worker. I’m friendly, smart and good looking. As for not wanting to hurt people… I even apply this thinking to bugs and small animals, having saved several birds/mice from the clutches of my cat and catching spiders and tossing them outside instead of stomping them flat. YET, I feel like the people familiar with this situation (specifically the member of my family who is most involved with this spath) think I’M the crazy one! I don’t really know what to do…
I can’t believe some of the things I’m reading as far as the “instinct for survival” goes… I knew slightly about this disorder but the steps I have taken to get away from it are just like what’s been described on this blog…I am still so weak.. I am ignoring blocked msgs alerts n such… at least not reading the insulting comments for one day has helped me greatly… but he has found another way to get through.. now trying to be “the soul mate again.. I love you” I will continue to read this site because I know I deserve a life.
Good piece, three years on now and I look back on me thinking she may have had a right to treat me so badly and take my son from me…. maybe I was an alcoholic, did I love my son? ….. was I really mad!?…. all while she was off with the new fella within weeks of me staying up with her helping her move into a new apartment. She lied to my face saying I had told her, after 6 years standing by her and my son and always being there even though we weren’t going out we were very close(I thought)…. she said I had made a condition of me being a ada to my son that we were having sex!!!!!! THe only thing I had said re sex was that I wondered how a future boyfriend for her or girlfriend for me would feel about me staying over on the coach bed so often.
She couldn’t understand why I found this accusation so revolting, or she was saying something to me I knew, she knew was not true! When she finally admitted it she was like ” OK fine you didn’t say it… there’s no need to go on about it”.
Within a couple of weeks the new fella was sleeping over and introduced in that way to my son. I didn’t feel I had the right to say much as she had, in my mind, been a great mum and very supportive to me!
She even expiated my PTSD from my sisters murder, as does her boyfriend to this day. I came close to suicide and she didn’t care.
Now I realize there was nothing I could have done differently to change what happened. Knowing already she was a sociopath, from my general knowledge of psychology did help. Seeing it described here, and “lovefraud” really was so exact to her and I, and her and her knew fella. She was pregnant again with 6 months! really brought it home.
Trying to explain something is unfair to her, or that a request I make is quite reasonable, is pointless. She blamed me for the “unfairness” of the access order we got in court… even though she laid out the terms! She said it was unreasonable of me to expect her to tell me when she moved house to a different county with my son…. she lies constantly and most worrying at first were the small lies that had absolutely no purpose! YOu know what I mean?
Yes they lie when it would be easier to tell the truth. They lie for the sake of lying. Much of the lying is to keep their own life secret. They are paranoid that other people think like they do (use information against you) so they lie all the time.
funny, it’s sad but funny – “why can’t you stop being crazy and act normal”? Normal… normal like the socio? That used to be the line after expressing my pain and suffering caused by the prolonged emotional abuse, mind games and repeated treatments of silence and ignorance.
What does “normal” mean for a socio? Taking all that in quietly, refraining your emotions, ignoring your needs and dreams and wants and just be ready to give when and how and where they might feel like it and then throw you away like a piece of garbage, waiting for them to want you back for one more ride? I could never understand what that “normal” was supposed to be, it’s almost funny.
I was so messed up by my Spath that I actually acted crazy and became someone that I am not. I was so angry at him (for treating me as he did, for promising me the world and then pulling it away just when it was in reach, for lying all the time, and for cheating on me while telling me how he is so in love with me) that I tried to retaliate and seek revenge by secretly exposing him to his family and kids. I am ashamed of my actions and feel like I became crazy for responding to his abuse in this way but I know for certain that in my core I am not a crazy person or a bad person, just a wounded person who needs to love myself more.
That said, he found out what I did and immediately accused me of being crazy and unhealthy and told me that we will never, ever have contact again. Basically he implemented NC on me. I know it is for the best since I was not strong enough to do so myself but I now feel so angry at him for turning the tables and using my one mistake/error to make me the crazy person whereas he never, ever once apologized or took responsibility for all of the awful things he did to me that made me snap and lash out.
So reading all of these posts are helpful but I struggle to relate fully because he ended up implementing NC, not me. Please tell me that I’m not crazy or the only person who lost it with their Spath. I’m so confused and distraught.
Hi Elena,
Welcome to the site. This is a common sociopath ploy they either discard, or they push you to discard them. If you don’t discard them they keep acting up until you do eventually snap.
They do drive you crazy, and you can feel like you have lost your rational mind. Or at least I felt this way.
Also remember that he manipulates the fact that you feel shame, and he does not. he doesn’t feel guilt shame, remorse etc… and he knows that you do. What he is doing is classic sociopathic behaviour (that i have probably written about here) – maybe in the ‘why you will never get closure from the sociopath post’ I think I write about it there.
Oh…. and although he has implemented NC, he enjoys this as it gives control. If you don’t attempt to contact him, I wouldn’t be surprised if he later contacted you – accusing you that you now must be with someone else. They hate to think that you are moving on and are left unscathed.
No doubt he is playing up to his family, using how you behaved to show just how crazy you were. How much he put up with, and milking his attention and victim mentality for all its worth… this will be short lived of course, and when the attention runs out, if he hasn’t heard from you, you might hear from him again.
Thank you so much for this reply and for welcoming me to the site. This is all so new to me and I am really strugglin and grasping at all the help I can get.
I am 6 weeks NC which I know is good but I also am so sad and hurt and mad and conflicted because I have so many different emotions running through my head and heart … anger and rage toward him, anger at me for permitting him to treat me this way, sadness because I ache and miss him (or the illusion of him and all that he promised me), and confusion about if he is definitely a Sociopath or Narc because although so much of this relates to him, he also seemed to have changed so much since he met me four years ago. It feels like he sucked all of my kindness, love, and joy out of me and applied them to himself and is now a much better person because of me whereas I am suffering and a worse person. It feels so unfair.
He recently shared so much that made him seem to be a better and more emotionally healthy person, treating others with more kindness, praying and finding spirituality, “shedding his false self”, blah blah blah. All of those things are great if they are sincere but they seem so contrived coming from him or am I just jealous. He recently bragged about how the tone of his voice is much more calm now and he feels so much more at peace from doing yoga and internal work. Is it possible this is all true and he is now in a better place and emotionally stable? Or is it likely just another mask to suck me and others in or to make me jealous and feel even more used and duped? I just want to scream.
No, you’re not crazy, you have been abused and your responses are natural. It really does reveal their true colors in that moment though, doesn’t it? When my sociopath learned I was texting his ex-wife, his text response was, “So, now you’re on contacting people huh? Okay, poof!”
He didn’t stay away though because I was still mad and jacking him up with taunts. I can’t help myself in the face of injustice, I say the thing. lol! I’ve learned a lot about myself and gained some wisdom through this single experience, however.
His ex-wife justified still having sex with him, though she knew he was lying about not being with me. She said so. When I accused her of “selling her soul for a sex toy”, she laughed and said I was “just crazy”. She claimed she had “moved on”. Mm hm… moved on to the next version of his using game. She actually believes their sexual relationship is something special and probably can’t fathom he just mirrors her to give her what she wants so he can get what he wants.
I guess the alternative—that SHE is just crazy (and foolish)—is inconceivable. I am really glad I don’t have a child with him (she does) and don’t have to participate in Crazy with any of them for the rest of my life.
It has been the most difficult to believe and admit that I fell prey to allowing myself to be treated like I have. There must be something wrong with me. To know better and not do better. I stayed for five years and I don’t even know who this women is now. I feel so ashamed and broken. This is such a awful place to be. It feels as if my soul is empty and love isn’t real.
Hi Jen, there is nothing wrong with you. You have been abused.
It wasn’t that you knew better and stayed. It was that this person was mentally abusing you. Making you feel dependent. Disabling you, isolating you.
This is no reflection on you. If it is, then it is a reflection on me and everyone who uses this site. I know that isn’t true.
Sociopaths thri’ve on making people feel what they never feel ashamed.
Welcome to the site. How you feel. I have been there too. You can heal and you can recover. Maybe today is day one of your new life. Sending you a hug. I really do understand your words. Once they were mine too.
Thank you so much for this reply and for welcoming me to the site. This is all so new to me and I am really strugglin and grasping at all the help I can get.
I am 6 weeks NC which I know is good but I also am so sad and hurt and mad and conflicted because I have so many different emotions running through my head and heart … anger and rage toward him, anger at me for permitting him to treat me this way, sadness because I ache and miss him (or the illusion of him and all that he promised me), and confusion about if he is definitely a Sociopath or Narc because although so much of this relates to him, he also seemed to have changed so much since he met me four years ago. It feels like he sucked all of my kindness, love, and joy out of me and applied them to himself and is now a much better person because of me whereas I am suffering and a worse person. It feels so unfair.
He recently shared so much that made him seem to be a better and more emotionally healthy person, treating others with more kindness, praying and finding spirituality, “shedding his false self”, blah blah blah. All of those things are great if they are sincere but they seem so contrived coming from him or am I just jealous. He recently bragged about how the tone of his voice is much more calm now and he feels so much more at peace from doing yoga and internal work. Is it possible this is all true and he is now in a better place and emotionally stable? Or is it likely just another mask to suck me and others in or to make me jealous and feel even more used and duped? I just want to scream.
Aww they love to tell you how they are a new person. Either they have just made a recovery or it is just about to happen!! Remember these are just words see how long the actions match the words. It never lasts long. They keep a marker on you. You literally become their prey and within a short period of time … You are once again struggling for breath. Am sure sometimes they want to change, but they seem to struggle to maintain this for any length of time. The pattern always repeats. Their need for control is sold as taking care of you. When really it’s just control.
Realistically if someone is telling you words how they are being a good person … Well a good person would never say those words.
Basically they will say whatever they need to say to get whatever they want. They will be whoever they need to be. Simply a mirror image of what you need to see. Assessment and seduction. Even being seduced is tiring really tiring…..
I did smile when I read the words you said he said as those are similar words to words I had heard so many times. It’s words someone who is really sorting themselves out does and doesn’t need constant praise and attention for it.
I think I may be married to a sociopath… I have to escape him before I really do lose my sanity. I already feel like I’m going crazy, literally. The funny thing is he only started being this person when we moved closer to his family. So are they a family of sociopaths or is sociopathy triggered by his family?
Will you please give me the link to your next article about what happens when you look at their social networking sites, because I did this.? Thank you.
Well I don’t even know where to begin. My story is sad and I’m sure tragic like many of yours are. I know that my story will never be a happy ending unless I can break free of the manipulation and lies. But I do have a question out there for those of you that have been able to break away permanently. I could see that the no contact could work for most but what about my story? When I was 12 years old my newly separated father brought her (the psychopath) into our lives. Meaning everyone in our immediate and extended family. Also the people that we have brought into our lives since. Such as I am now married with a two year old girl and a son on the way. Now that I’m “out of the fog” I can see things for what they actually are. But unfortunately I know I’ve come to this realization many times before throughout my life, but some way somehow I fall back into the trap. Such as even when I was a teenager I came to the realization that my only escapes was to do well in school and go off to college. The psychopath went out of there way by calling the college I was going to and telling them that I was no longer going to attend (lies) another way that the Psychopath was trying to stop me, which eventually it worked. Was that because I was only 18 I was still considered a dependent even though I was going to be living on my own, so I had to use my parents income on the FASHA application. They decided my father and step-mother that I couldn’t use their poor income on the application for financial aid because I had lived with my biological mother for a few months before college courses where to start. I had moved there for a better summer time job opportunity. But then when they found out I was going to stay with my mom for a few months they denied giving out there financial information to the government. They also took away my car, which was given to me by the psychopath and my father. After I had paid for everything on it, oil changes, repairs, tires, my own insurance. So eventually the money that I had saved up from working since 14 years old had to go to purchasing a car. Then when I couldn’t get them to give their financial info out on my application I had to ask my biological mother who made way more and I didn’t receive very much aid at all. Plus none of my parents gave me a dime to go to college. So at the end of my first semester I had already used all my student loan money and minimal aid I qualified for. In fact I had owed 2,000.00 directly to the school to cover the additional costs. So I couldn’t sign up for the second half of the year. My dreams were ripped away. I had decided since about 13 years old that I was never going to have any children. Not because I myself didn’t want to, I just didn’t want my children to be subject to physical emotional and psychological abuse I had to all my life. It’s since been 15 years and I am still unable to break free. I’ve tried so many different ways. I moved to a city 3 hours away and it helped, but since my fiancé/ husband never fully understood what it was that we were dealing with, she somehow came back into our lives. Because of course your bf/husbands/fiancé wants to meet your family. I mean for years we knew something about the psychopath was not right, but until now I was wrong about her previous diagnosis. I thought years ago when I pegged her for being bi-polar that was not the case. I WAS WRONG>>>>>>VERY WRONG! Well anyway after a five year relationship living further away from home than I ever had was broken and I divorced him. I had no choice but to come back home, near her!! And of course she always plays it off as if she does everything for me and she loves me and no one else would be able to understand what I’m going through. She plays the “best friend”. I guess now even years later, she convinced me to have my first child. She has a way of making me think I was my idea although she had planted it in my head. Don’t get me wrong I love my daughter she is now my whole world. But I don’t even know where to begin to try to protect my family or even myself. It’s so bad to the point that when I was twelve she had me see a psychologist who diagnosed me with chronic depression and I was on medications for various things since. Now I’m labeled, Schizoaffective, with Depression, generalized anxiety, PTSD and god knows what else because I cannot keep track. The Psychopath even went as far as to get me “help” by getting my involuntarily committed to a state run mental hospital. Which I was forced to take antipsychotic medications from then on. That was in 2012. But now that I’m nearing the end of my second pregnancy and have medical instructions not to be taking the max dose of Ability, Citalopram, Prazosin, Lorazepam, exc. I’m free of the fog and can see the truth as hard as it may be to completely understand that for the last 15+ years Any decision that I may have thought I made on my own was a seed that was planted there. I have been manipulated my whole life…..so how do I break free and continue to try and live this normal life that I so desperately want? I have a loving husband who despite the psychopaths best efforts to break us up, we have prevailed. And he is so compassionate, understanding and actually believes me that I’m not the psychotic schizophrenic I’m portrayed to be. I have confessed much of this life story of mine and he does not judge me and only wants to help us get away. He and I both want what’s best for our children and what’s best for our family, even if it means running away and never looking back. I could go on and on about this, but I’m starting to at least for now feel a sense of relief that there is a possibly and hope to get a normal life that I have been deprived of for the last 15+ years. The only real crappy part is that since she the psychopath has made herself a cozy spot within my family, she will forever have tools to get to me like my dad and brothers, even my now husbands family. She thinks the more naive the better. So yes we want to run and be independent but how when she has so many tools and things in her favor to mess with our lives. I cannot shut everyone out. I love my brothers, my husband wants to be able to see his family too. My dad is so far manipulated no matter if I spell it out for him he wouldn’t believe me. And I cannot let the psychopath know of my plans to escape her grasp because that will only make things worse. She would try even harder to put any kind of obstacle in my way so that I would have to come running back for one reason or another. Quite how far would it go, I’m not entirely sure. But I’m guessing I will find out eventually. Do they ever just get bored and give up? I sure hope so. It’s just difficult because she’s my father’s wife. And NO MATTER what she does he keeps her around. No matter how she hurts him and his children, she’s still here. PLEASE ANY SUGGESTIONS FOR THIS PROBLEM THAT IS SO COMPLEX!!
Dear Scared but still hopeful, Since you want suggestions, I would tell you only what I would do, and I will tell you this because I too have a very difficult stepmother. She was not mean to me only but also to my brother. He finally totally blew up at her and hasn’t seen them for months since. I went to their home at their request after not seeing them for over Ten years, and stood up for my brother. Its very hard to stay away and I understand feeling sorry for your father. But, he is an adult making his own choices. The first thing you can do to protect yourself is to get more education on how to deal with highly manipulative people. For protecting your inner life and choosing when and how far she can move toward you I know of a wonderful book. Its titled – Boundaries and Relationships: Knowing, Protecting, and Enjoying the Self by Charles L. Whitfield, M.D. I also went to psychotherapy, and when I would tell him the histories with the various people he helped me to understand exactly what happened and what it is. I was treated for anxiety at first while going through this personal work and as I identified things, I was able to make informed decisions for my life. You see the hat this shows you how you have control of your life now that you are an adult and give you the tools do others don’t have them anymore. You can recondition your own life with this professional support and opinions for your consideration. We all need support, and having professional support was very positive for me. My brother and I did not deal with these issues until we were both in our fifties. My brother confronted them saying to my father that he never stood up for either of us, citing specific ways, and that’s why they called me to come over. The treatment I’d had was varied and at the point where I went to my dad’s home I was told these are emotionally difficult things to go through that adds stress or anxiety, and further, it was then reevaluated to being for neglect which is a type of abuse, and for trauma.so, you see, its a journey that takes time and work. You’re worth it. If I can do it, you can do it. Blessings
Sorry, I had to read and re read your post Shell. Your screen names sent me chills. I’m so paranoid right now that I have so VERY few people I can trust. I was even worried she may have found me on this very site and called me out on my story. Although I doubt that is the case because it’s all anonymous. I’m guessing that even once I do break free to the extent that I can, I will never be able to fully have my guard down. It’s like knowing someone stole your identity/SSN and was never caught and could strike again at any moment. But I see no other way of dealing with this either besides never taking their advice and getting out on our own without anyone’s help. It’s a hard thing to do, I mean besides you guys who I don’t know on any personal level at all…..would believe that this one person had a hand in ruining almost my whole life? And it’s as if this Psychopath has no feelings. Just wants to pull this or that puppet string to see what happens next. My life and the life of my family is just a game to this person! The scary part is to me also that I could be just like her if I had no ability to feel emotions. But me I have morals, I can love and I do so very passionately. I care more for many people in my life more than I have ever cared about myself. Although I am learning to love myself. ANYONE can be fooled by these professional mind control tactics. I know this now. She wanted me to hate myself and to feel that I could trust no one but her! So that she would only in the process gain more control over me. But now like I said it’s way more serious than I could have imagined. I have to do everything I can to protect my little family from the same hell that I went through. Well anyways. I need some sleep which especially these days is hard to find.
Hi Scared, I have been away for a few days. I am concerned about you from reading this message. Are you ok? You sound quite traumatised. I wanted to make sure that you are safe? I want you to know that when I was first healing and recovering I also suspected everyone too. I remember seeing psychopaths everywhere, on tv on the news, in the papers, is saw traits in politicians friends I knew and everything felt so scary. Are you in therapy at all? Do you have support?
I’m scared for my fathers life, my daughters and also mine.
I need to go to bed, but I will come back to the site first thing and read back through the comments. I apologise for not being around earlier.
Are you ok? I am trying to find your story scared to catch up what is going on with you.
Yes I am ok. Just stressed. I know that I will figure something out. I want everyone to know that I still have support in place, and have been working with an individual Therapist and marriage counseling. Have gained even more incite than I initially had. I think that it helps that I have been studying Psychology for many years independently, and educational wise. I am just surprised it took me 15 years to find out the Psychopath for what they truly are. But on the other hand I guess i’m also not surprised as well because I am to trusting and loving at times. I give too many chances . I know that there will be no attempt to help/change this individual. They will not want to change anyway. My concern at this point is how far with a Psychopath go to keep control and get rid of individuals they see as a threat? I know thus far how it has gone to keep the control so tight on me. But what happens when they find out they can no longer gain the control they once had over me? Do they continue to try despite the fact that I’m not getting lured back in? Or see me as more a threat and try to eliminate me by ending my life? For her and I both there will be no completely walking away. I am my fathers daughter he and I have a love that is special. I’m my daddy’s little girl. I love him so much and care about him that it would be hard for me to cut ties because of that.
Awesome! 🙂
I was only trying to help by sharing my own experience so that hopefully you could find some hope within so you can help yourself. I wish you all the best whatever you choose to DO. And yes, I too was focused on narcissists, sociopaths, and psychopaths for quite some time, and that was after I first got away and started figuring out what happened to me. I don’t think you want any suggestions at all though. What do you plan to do about your fear for yours, your dad’s and your daughters lives?
I can so relate to your article. I used to be a happy outgoing person with so much love to give. Too damn trusting as well. That SP broke me down badly. He especially did it when we were in public places reducing me to a blubbering mess. What people must have thought seeing me sob my heart out. I resembled a crazy woman. He even offered to ring a friend of his to try fit me in for counselling. When I accepted his offer, he never followed through. He was probably just trying to reinforce that I was a nutjob ! I would love to kick him right in the nuts ! And this thing about them being great lovers ? He was useless in the sack. Boring, no energy, and short changed in the man department, if you know what I mean.
I would love to kick mine in the nuts too…lol