Sociopathic mind control – How it works and its effects on YOU!

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Photo: showblogs. syfy. com

Feeling drained? Feeling tired? Feeling exhausted? Worn out? This is likely because you have been affected by Sociopathic mind control.

The sociopath has the ability to, after assessing you, to find out what it is that you want and need, to tune into you and hypnotise you. You might wonder why you are feeling so exhausted, and wiped out. It is because you are being controlled through your mind.

How does the sociopath do this?

  1. Talking non stop sometimes at 100 miles an hour, which doesn’t give you time to think, you will lose your own thoughts and focus instead solely on the Sociopath
  2. Constant deflection
  3. Feeding you a false illusion, and when you challenge this, telling you that this is ‘all in your mind’ – gaslighting
  4. Mirroring you – repeating back to you information that you have already shared, so that you feel that ‘special connection’
  5. Intense stare, mirrored and intense body language combined with a lack of personal space. If you look closely the intense stare is almost hypnotic
  6. Constant questioning, or accusing you of things that you haven’t done (leaving you to defend yourself and feel confused) – which usually leads you away from questions that you really wanted to ask
  7. You might feel ‘relaxed’ in the Sociopaths company – this is usually achieved by charismatic charm, telling you key words that you want to hear (this is information that has been learned about you earlier, or things that you have said that you want/need your hopes desires etc)
  8. Being overly ‘nice’ ‘kind’ ‘helpful’ – being everything that you want to create an addiction to the Sociopath, so that you will find it difficult to live without him/her. Creating situations which develop dependency.   The ‘nice’ factor

How does this affect you?

You might look back and ask the question ‘how could I have been so stupid’? The truth is that you were not stupid.

  1. Constant bombardment of information gives you little time to think for yourself. Which means thinking to question, argue, or dismiss what you are being told. How can you do this, when there is no space to think? – this will cause you to feel stunned and confused (and relieved when and if the Sociopath finally shuts up).
  2. Not being allowed space to think, or speak, is very draining, exhausting, tiring. You will feel lethargic, without energy to fight back. You are effectively being ‘stunned’ into submission
  3. This can lead to health problems. Either physical health problems (exhaustion), or mental health problems (anxiety, depression etc)
  4. With no space or time for yourself, to make plans for your future or to think about you and your needs, you quickly become isolated from others. Socialising takes energy you do not have and the constant rows and Isolation gives the Sociopath the ultimate control over you.
  5. You will start to question your own sanity. Are left feeling confused and disorientated. If you try to raise questions, you are quickly accused of exactly what the sociopath is doing themselves. You then spend time and energy defending your innocence. The constant lies, and being told that you are being ‘paranoid’ ‘insecure’. All of your senses and evidence are warning that you are being lied to, but the sociopath will lie further to protect the lie. The outcome is effective and you feel further disorientation and confusion.
  6. You become dependent on the Sociopath. This is one of the most difficult things for others to understand, they cannot work out why you are emotionally dependent on someone who you claim is abusing you? The reason is because Sociopaths create dependency, you will develop a habit to the Sociopath

If you are looking back over the relationship with the Sociopath and wondering, ‘how did that happen?’ This is why. The Sociopath operates a trick that is similar to being hypnotised. Leaving you, the victim, feeling, stunned, confused, disorientated, and often sick, but at the same time, with a habit that can be as strong as the craving for crack cocaine once you have an addiction.

To  move away, you need to break the addiction. As it is recommended with people who quit smoking ‘not one puff ever’…. the same is recommended to break away from the Sociopath  – No Contact Ever….. if you break No Contact, you could quickly find yourself back to square one, and once again you will need to wean yourself off of the Sociopath. Stick to No Contact, understand what has happened and why, and start learning to trust yourself!!!

Copyright datingasociopath.com 2013

 

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81 thoughts on “Sociopathic mind control – How it works and its effects on YOU!

  1. Now it all makes sense , the anxiety, I cant walk 3 blocks without the muscles in my legs hurting. Come to think of it that stare was hypnotic, I used to look away, it was to intense for me. Wow, positiva girl you are such a beautiful person with all of your shared knowledge. Thankyou, I learn so much about this horrible disordet every day when I come on your site. Yesterday I was feeling that when he gets outta jail Im going to see him walking around holding hands with that other woman, and even thouggh I know he is assesing , seduci.g and gaming, I feel a bit jealous so I read the jealousy blog once again and it helps. I can honestly say I am over him, I just cant be humiliated again. Thats a terrible terrible feeling. Peace an love to all on tbis site…

    1. Yes, bewildered, that stare is so uncomfortable. It brought chills to me every time My S did it. I had to start a conversation about something to break it.

      1. Hi vctoryIZmines, the stare is creepy, like he was looking right through me. I was livid when I found out he had 2 boys with one woman, another son with yet anothwr, and I know he has more, he fooli.g around with 3 woman I know if right now. They will find him out eventually. I dont care anymore. I have a year of bo contact with him and it feels damn good..

      2. I was dating my ex whom I feel is a socio, everything about this blog reminds me of him, he use to lie and turn the tables on me, would tell me im mental when i question him on things that dont add up, when i met him he quickly feel in love with me, i was the best thing hes ever had, wanted to move in with me straight away, couldnt wait to show me to his family and friends, went everywhere i go, neglect his work and time to be with me, i thought he was truly special, he would help me with things i wanted done…. i became addicted to him, after a short while i had thig gut feeling that there is something not right, he would stay with me but he would scrutinize everything that he bring to my house, just a few clothings and shoes, not a piece of paper with his name on, everything personal is kept at his mums house, he is 45yrs old??

        he ask me to marry him at the 3rd month of dating, i didnt reply cause i was doing all the giving, he would come home and never buy anything even to eat, yet he eats alot and enjoys a drink when i can afford, he lives in my house but doesnt care how i pay bills, its like he is in a dreamworld, hes got the perfect life, i didnt feel one bit secure with him, my self esteem was going downhill..

        I became scared of him leaving me if i probe too much, so i kept things bottle up, after a while it made me angry and many times i exploded and fought with him to get his attention, i behave out of character, damaging his clothes to get back at him for hurting me mentally, i would cry so much yet he would never comfort me, i guess he didnt have any feelings in him, if im ill he would not even care, my son had to take me to doctors, he even accused me of playing sick for me to get attention, in the end if im ill i keep it to myself..

        He was the one who was depressed when i met him, now the table was turning on me, i had this mental video going round and round in my head about so many issues in the relationship, i wanted to talk and solve our problems but he will give me that silent treatment, it got me confused, we would break up so many times, he would never initiate contact with me, i was the one to always make the first move, would go looking for him at his mums house and tell him to come home, i felt desperate really, he behaved like he didnt give a care in the world if i was with him or not, he would humiliate me saying im the one who comes looking for him, this crushed me even more, i felt worthless and all along his ego was getting boosted up.

        I did everything in my power to make the relationship work, begged him to listen to me and try and solve our issues, yet he would rather walk away then talk about things that bothers me..

        on one side he was a nice person, helpfull when he wants to , on the other side he uses mind games with me, playing me for a fool, like im crazy and i create stories in my head… he would blame me for everything that went wrong in the relationship, saying im paranoid and that is why none of my relationships lasted, cause i did tell him about my exes when we started going out together, i told him so much about my life, yet hes very cautious about what he talks when im around, hes more conversant with his mum and his sister, they know more about his life then i do even though we were a couple..
        When i met my ex he was divorced too, and have had relationships that didnt work , thats what he told me…, after so many breakups and makeups my friends and families tell me he is not good, but i keep going back for more, i got panick attacks, can barely sleep unless he is here with me, hes even said to me that he knows when we break up im miserable and i cant sleep and yet he says he is happy and at peace when he is not with me, its confusing me….and yet he would tell me how much he loves me??
        I had t resort to asking his work colleagues on information about him, cause he never discuss anything about him or our life together as a couple, i became very insecure and didnt know what to do, so i started befriending his friends to get the missing link about him, still the picture was vague, i searched his stuff but cant find nothing, his mobile phone as only texts and calls from me or his work, nothing much, i started to panick, he would lie about htings he dont even have, his family is very protective of him, the only person who could give me some information on him was his ex wife, she said he was much the same kind of person with her, it drained her so much and she had to live on anti depressants for the last 5 yrs of her marriage with him, shes left him and married someone else and shes happy now, yet my bf would tarnish his ex wifes reputation, saying shes cheated on him so many times and that she was such an evil woman, now hes saying the same on me to friends and his work colleague, that i cheated on him and im crazy and paranoid.

        I had to be responsible for lookign after him, all his needs, he would treat me like im his landlady, never dscusses finance or a budget with me, he would just bring home some cash when he gets paid, I dont even know how much he earns or if he has a bank account, yet he knows everything about me, never even once seen his payslips or bank statements, when i question him about that he gets defensive and keeps silent.

        Until i saw this site yesterday i didnt know what i was dealing with, i went for counselling, ask countless of people for advice, forums, ask my church for advice, still i couldnt see any light into my problem, until yesterday i saw this and its the first time i could get a grip on my situation, i have dated in my past but never this kind of situation, i dont even know how to move on from all this and if i can trust a man again, hes been gone for 2 months and not even a wordof contact from him, and i will not call him anyway, im drained and tired for this 5yrs with him, i lost my job, scared to face people, as i think ive been depressed for sometime now, before i met him i was so happy and shining, now i feel doomed, luckily my family is very supportive of me, i talk to friends when i feel down.
        His family looks at me like im a bad person, none of them talks to me, dont know what he says to them each time we break up??
        we live in a small village and just 1mile apart, so i see his family and friends when i go to the shops, and they look at me strangely..
        I feel alot of relief since yesterday when i read this blog, at least i know im not alone and i know what i was dealing with.

      3. Hi kadija 🙂

        Welcome to the site 🙂
        Read everything, share & vent & heal here because you are not alone but, it is terribly hard especially if you live nearby 😦
        Do all the healing recommended & then some more, we are here to help you, you are amazing so, believe in yourself, we do 🙂
        Stay strong & be brave, it gets easier with time 🙂
        Love & Light 🙂
        PR xoxo

  2. Great article I agree with EVERYTHING YOU SAID.
    Just an insight of my experience & what I have learned

    a -Constantly talks, even speaks about random stuff more than themselves like facts, tv, news, how bad his friends were (If you are truly dating someone they should fill you in on their day, family and close friends (nothing too negative), their past, present and future). He may also stalk your fb page and repeat things that were going on via your status, comments, pictures. All in an effort to manipulate you

    b- He gave me a sad story from his past it is just a gateway for you to pity him/her and feel as if he has been through so much that he is trying to change/changing. As a result even if he displays qualities you do not favor you stick around because YOU THINK YOU CAN HELP HIM CHANGE.

    c- When my gut comes into play and you feel suspicious and you confront him, he will try to convince me otherwise, tell you that you are crazy, you need to trust him, its all in your head- THEY LOVE TO BLAME YOU

    d- It is wise to never talk about your exes- he may figure out your dating pattern to the exact opposite and fulfill his agenda to use you by tricking you. It is safe to ask what were your intentions the 1st time you two have a fight, he is most likely to be honest there. Mirroring you

    e- That stare and that closeness one word Fake!! It is done to see how you will react Would you be relax, uneasy, push him away, turn away or comfortable. This body language gives him an idea as to where he stands with you. To trick him do the same, stare him down, bend over and kiss him, stare in his eyes and smile and talk about a physical fault of his, mines changed his body language thereafter. The stare and need to be close to you is also a good reason in the ending to say why you two didn’t work out . Oh how they love to blame you.

    f- Sociopaths are also controlling, he will have you leaving his life most of the time, around his friends, going places he likes, doing what he likes. So that if he ever chooses to walk away he created an addictive lifestyle that you most likely will take him back regardless. This also makes it hard to move, it makes you strive to be more loyal to him. Getting you away from friends and family gives him more control, also less people to read his schemes. His friends and associates are mainly his followers

    7 & 8 wow are you sure we didnot date the same guy? Lol

      1. Yep bang on Riri, my experience to the letter :0)
        Unfortunately it seems we are all dating the same guy as the devil has his disciples everywhere!
        Survivors unite, they can betray us,cheat us,manipulate us, control us but, will never be us ;0)
        Loving, Compassionate, loyal,honest,trusting etc…this will always allude them.
        As much as they hurt & damage us, we are resilient & our journey’s lead us too our higher power ;0)
        Tune into your guides if you haven’t already as they have been trying to tell us forever but, the Soc interferes with the signal! Remember the gut instinct that we all keep ignoring (ah ha!). The repeating song that plays wherever you go??? Another sign, one I definitely tuned out but, kept coming back ;0)
        When we go through trauma our perception is very high that’s why we start to get clarity etc…so,use it to help you cope ;0)
        Raise your consciousness & this will help protect you in the future ;0)
        They make us begin our search/quest for answers that bring enlightenment & it does come eventually so, keep going, looking & remember your a person not an object.
        Keep the faith, our tormentors never truly know us, they just think they do!
        I never showed my spiritual side to my Soc, I protected it so, I have had it to shore me up when I really needed it ;0)
        Inner strength, Wow what a power that is to really posses & tap into! 😉
        We use our minds & hearts for good ;0)
        They use mind control & use our hearts against us.
        They don’t have a heart like us, they’ve a muscle for survival yes but, not a pure heart for love & empathy!

        Be Happy ;0)

    1. I just met my sp to drop off gifts for his groupies that choose to slander me through social media. The stare crizma right back to him I admit the only way to cope is too walk in love for me. He is going with me to church tonight I wonder how he’s going to try and get into my head after service? I’m trusting God here with everything left in me! Blonde111

      1. EEK why are you going to church with him blonde??? no no no!!!….. can you not see, he will just observe you, see who you interact with, and who you rely on for support. Who you admire, and who you don’t admire. He learns more about you – and BAM…. he knows exactly what/where to go should he wish to up the game if you wanted to leave and do a ruining and smear campaign on you.

      2. How can I not give him a chance at a relationship conference God transformed Paul he was a murderer as well” besides I have very few people I interact with at church because of my relationship with him! I am a ministry school graduate funny right the Holy Spirit is alive in me! I am so thankful to have found you your site all the blogs! I have made my peace with God!

      3. Well no change so I have given everything and he has agreed to go back tonight fun stuff ! I am feeling bad for the other woman she showed up at my house wanted to come in I could feel her desperation to hold on so heartbreaking however I did not let her in instead my words were spoken in love. Invited her to church reminded her God loves everyone of us and she is very special! With all the deseption her mind is gone she is in need of a savior! I so wanted him to own this not to punish him just to free him! My heart belongs to Christ!

      4. Yes the difference is my mind is clear and I can not give control or power to him! My heart is a very different thing healing may take a very long time can not imagine having that connection with another person! To change we have to turn from our sin.

  3. Reblogged this on Paula's Pontifications and commented:
    Mind Control – These fools are masters of it because it’s their default. Without the ability to empathize, they can keep this game going forever because it does not affect their brains. You feel crazed in the midst of the game; the sociopath is energized and feels quite normal. The simple fact is that recent studies have shown that Sociopaths have less grey matter present in their frontal lobe, the area of the brain healthy and normal people use to reason and process empathy and all of our emotions. Simply stated: sociopaths feel nothing because they aren’t capable of feeling anything due to their brain disorder. So give up trying to fix your relationship; it’s not a relationship problem and it’s not your problem. It’s the sociopath’s problem. Period.

    1. I read that to there neurons dont connect to the empathetic part of the brain, they are hollow inside. They have no fear,guilt, remorse or empathy, they rhink they are Gods gift to woman. They dint even care about there children. They are empty shells. Hollow. Well I will just kee up no contact, thats the key to all this drama. Peace an love…

    2. Wow thankyou after about a year of searching for an understanding of why their brains work this way now your comment gave me an understanding and mine ‘told’ me he was in a bad car accident at the age of 14 and was in a comma for days after hitting his head though the windscreen ( he did have bad facial scars) and I have read that bad trauma to this area of the brain can lead to sociopathy. Could have been lies about the accident he lied about everything and told lies on top of lies- all the usual sociopathic stuff. A total monster.

    3. Paula, mine hacked into my friends f.b account and said B….! You will play the game, and she did, he hacked our computers, phones ect..and she almost committed suicide. The stare, it all started with the stare and ” Do you know how beautiful you are? “Ladies , if feel the urge to run the other way, do it! As fast as possible!

    4. Afree 30 years married, now two years into divorce it is a never ending battle. Allowing them to sucked you back into their unfortunate choices…remarried months after our divorce, now not happy with her. Made reference to our chapter isn’t over, blah blah blah..it was all about him. He is delusional, even the glazed look is like he’s a madman and been taken over by the devil. My BFF said he is creepy. It is awful to see how many of us are going through this. Prayers for us all.

  4. Exactly. The biggest issue that I have now is trying to explain to others what happened. How a strong, independent woman like myself became the person I became. It is hard to explain when I don’t really understand either. All I know is that I am not that person I was. It has been a hard fight to get back to being almost the person I was before him. I don’t think I will ever be the same. I have scars, but I am much wiser to boot.

    1. Hi brokenbutstronger,, believe it or not you just may be a better person after this ordeal and ur definatly going to be alot wiser. God does things in mysterious ways, my mom told me that all the time, No Contact is the only way to go. You can do it. Peace an love…

    2. brokenbutstronger don’t feel bad, you are not alone!!! Like you, I am a strong, independent, educated woman and I was STILL taken by a sociopath. I was so stupid and made a ton of mistakes that I learned from. As much as I hated going through it, it was a much-needed lesson for me. I’m so stubborn, this was the only way I would learn. My gut kept telling me the whole time that something just didn’t feel right, yet I ignored it then it blew up in my face breaking my heart in the process. Keep your head up, you are a better person for all this and he will continue to be the souless asshole. You got the better deal!!!

      1. Me too Lenanore, they are compulsive pathological liars…. there is no way that you could know. No matter how smart, educated, or streetwise that you are. Masters of deception and illusion.

    3. They are masters of deceit, and know exactly what a persons needs and weakness are.What they need is the strength you have.You are the stronger one, always remember that 🙂

  5. I felt sick reading this – even after 14 months since I finally escaped – every time I come across by accident a picture of him I want to vomit! This is like reading about him personally! They are monsters – total monsters – I went NO CONTACT for the last 14 months though after I left him for the last time he stalked me for 6 months (he is in another country but there was total bombardment of every kind until the police finally stepped in because luckily I had a personal friend (an ex) who helped me when I said I was going to have a break down if he didn’t stop).
    I really did feel like I was going crazy during a lot of the time with him and still trying to recover now.

  6. What about the exact opposite? The total neglect by a passive aggressive sociopath? The addition is just as strong, but items 1, 2, and 4 are missing. Then what?

    1. If 1 2 and 4 are missing Infinity, maybe you weren’t dating a sociopath? Maybe a Narcissist? Have you looked up NPD? Sociopaths are charming charismatic they wear a mask. They mirror you…… be exactly who you want them to be…..

      1. No, I have to say that my sociopath doesn’t fit exactly what you outline either but he is a sociopath nonetheless. The weird thing is the things he didn’t do with me (stare, constant talking, “falling in love” quickly) he did with the other woman. He was wearing a different mask with her than he was with me. But he did tell me all the things I wanted to hear (mirroring) and had no remorse when I found out he was cheating, he blamed me matter-of-fact.

      2. Well, I had The same as Lenore; he had no remorse on the cheating or anything else he did.
        So what he did not have was actually #1, no non stop talking, and no #5 or #6. I’ve had other sociopaths do this, but I am speaking of my narcisstic, histronic, passive aggressive sociopath. You don’t have to do all these overt manuevers to be a sp. You can do your work covertly, as described in the book In Sheep’s Clothing. A passive aggressive would never for anything so overt. It’s all subterfuge.

  7. Today was a breakthrough, my poor baby girl, (she’s 12) she let her daddy have it. He tried to pull her in on last 2 days over some bs drama, current girlfriends daughters stirring up stupid teen crap, (really mature of him to get involved, huh), she let him have it with both barrels. The final straw was when he told her “You sound just like your mother, right now” she was giving me their argument, over text. (doesn’t anyone talk?) I said “I am sorry, no one wants to EVER be told they are just like their MOTHER”! She said to me “I rather be told I sound like MY MOTHER, then ever be told I ACT LIKE MY FATHER! WOW AT 12! I told her don’t text that to your daddy, it’s disrespectful, no matter how you feel. I am still simply floored. My son is 10, they are both done, with his game playing. Court in a few weeks. See what happens.

  8. Can the mind control be influenced or broken from the outside?

    My brother married a woman two years ago after a 4 month courtship. Immediately, she started to share outlandish stories of great success or being a victim and he totally believes everyone. We were able to show prof of the lies and even learned that she had been married at least 10 other times but she will always have an excuse that he believes. I shared my concerns about her with my brother and he defended her and dismissed everything. I have broken contact with him hoping she will either find a new victim or he figures it out. However, I am worried as she convinced him to obtain a large life insurance policy even though she claims that she is the beneficiary on a large trust that she will get in a few years.

    I would love to share with him the information on datingasociopath.com like the 18 Signs You Are Dating a Sociopath but I fear he will dismiss it or not even read it due to the mind control. She fits 99% of all these stories and has been financially draining him. Question is share now or when it is over?

    1. Hi Bystander, thanks for your comment. I think if you try to tell him, he isn’t going to listen to you. She will deflect and turn it around on you, and you then look like either the bad guy – or crazy! ….. He could be under the ‘illusion’ that he is is happy, whilst you on the outside can see otherwise. If she is saying that she will be beneficiary to a large trust fund, can you do some digging to find out if this is true? I can see why you are concerned for your brother – try to get her to open her mouth, brag, then do the digging to see if you can find evidence to disprove her lies? As I am sure your brother would then also need an explaination? Sounds like right now, she is still running the show!

  9. hello again
    I have been so busy with so much ..and is good =D But I have this strange feeling..I feel guilt for wondering ..why I still think of her ? I was certain that after all her hoovers trying to contact or actually trying to get me to react that after a week that she tried ..telling me to not go after her she decided to start with somebody else… as I told you! I did not react.! then she post anther…I never felt so alone not even matter who is with me by my side.. and I did not react! then came my birthday last week…and week after her comms…and she made no contact.. she used to say she would make a new mail to contact.. blah blah…she made no contact…she is now in her NC …..and this means she is gone?????????? gone for good??
    why should I care???I feel bad for have wondered if she would contact me for my bday.

    1. So…. in her mind she is now ignoring you, and therefore she has the control back again. I think you should focus on you. forget about her. its great that she isn’t contacting you or harassing you. You said that you were spooked that she was checking your youtube channel. for now she has gone away so focus on you!!

      1. you are very right ..she must think that…oh you know them well..she is winning cos she did not try to contact me for my bday and show me she did not even care..
        yes I should be happy..and i am ..but that is why i hate that I still think ..I have a very busy life and lots in my head..but there are times here and there that i wonder ..what is next..will she ever contact? is it finally over? and I get mad as me for even caring!! that is my point .
        I need to care about me..and just me..why is so hard. is like she took over my life for 3 years..and I I let her and now I been working on me to get it back..I want that now! darn:(

      2. Dont be so hard on yourself. I am in the early stages of recovery also and I’m learning that emotions will come and go. Take it one day at a time. 🙂

    2. If it makes you feel better, it’s been 10 months and I still agonize abut the whole relationship. Also, I got a bit jealous when I found out my sociopath reached out to the other woman and not me. I shouldn’t have been happy he didn’t contact me! I think it’s a pride thing and the fact that I loved the guy. Although everything about the relationship was fake on his part, the love I had for him (or the person I thought he was) was real. You can’t just snap your fingers and get over it. It takes time to heal as I have learned that my heart is a slower learner than my brain. The same may be the same for you?

      1. Yep I know ..the thing is we loved this creeps..at times is hard to imagine we dump so many years for a phony thing..yet I knew she was too good to be true..you know the red flags and you so much want to ignore and thing you are imagining things and they are so good at manipulating…all those you are my life..I am crazy for you..I love you more than anything…Its dumb really…no one is somebody’s life //we are our own! But when we are on top they take us there.. feels so good..is like a drug.and as I said here..I am a very fit person..I don’t eat sugar… or meat..I never smoked..never had alcohol..I take good care of my body and I am not a party person..I love animals deeply.. yet I got addicted I guess to this trashy borderline sociopath manipulator liar girl .
        I feel shame to be so stupid and stay and fall in her traps..and her manipulations..is my fault! I am responsible for my bad choices and she was a bad choice! My friends never liked her. My family is all far and never met her.
        I somehow don’t even know if she found a new love cos she is such a liar and she will say anything to get me to react. I blocked her and yet she found a way to leave comm under my youtube comm. but no more ..she is gone for 2 weeks now..I should be so happy and part of me is..part of me thought she might try to reach me on my b-day.. I feel shame to have thought that ..cos I know is all lies!!! I know she is evil and a manipulator..who knew how to abuse me with words and knew how to control me and posses me . I know she is a horrible person..I also know that all men will be happy with her ..men who just want sex and not a real love..will love to be with that loser.
        =D I hope we come to forget them..they don’t think of us..we are just supply for their needs .lies lies lies..all they say are lies they don’t even think of us .
        But we don’t need their fake mean energy =D
        best luck to you all who been with a sociopath!

      2. True I’m only out one month my head is clear its the heart that is ripped out! I’m walking about 4 miles a day journaling and reading up on having a pure heart! Writing to heal and small gifts have made my days much better I’m not crying just talking to myself a lot! Good thing I enjoy me agin! Having lunch with friends just taking time to remember to appreciate life!

  10. yes it is like that..there are days that does not even matter that my life is going as if this is so far from me and I am feeling light again..then there are days that she takes over me and I feel anxious and blaming me for letting her come again on my mind and then I feel like I did some steps back.. they do take control of you for so long is hard to get your control back ..even if I have been NC for months! No reaction..reaction free for 2 months since I found this site =D

    1. To all you wonderful,worthwhile friends who have been betrayed on so many levels…;0)
      Please never feel alone as we are one in our pain & unfortunately our brush with these DEVILS!
      They are master illusionists/hypnotists & feed us what we want to see & hear whilst never actually caring one iota. Sad but true,we have been used & abused & taken for granted. They are soul takers & heart breakers ;0) My grandfather used to say ‘some people see kindness as weakness & use it against you’, I think he meant Sociopaths as he was a very wise man.
      We have all Survived these vicious emotional vampires so,hold your head up high,don’t worry if your flashbacks make you wonder what if etc..we are free finally from invisible prisons so,keep going,one day at a time. Just focus on getting well emotionally & physically…we are all here if you need us ;0)
      Strive to be happy & loving,something they can only fake or get elsewhere but,never truly have so,we are the winners always…keep the faith ;0)))

      1. Hi Positivagirl,
        I would never have come this far so quickly if it hadn’t been for you ;0)
        I am in Australia & we don’t appear to have any support forums etc…that I can find?
        Between you & Paula I have had answers & support that only others that have experienced this bizarre Sociopath behaviour can understand.

        Thank you once again ;0)

  11. I have been frequenting this site for the past month or so after coming to realize that my recent ex girlfriend is a sociopath. She fits just about every trait/ characteristic mentioned. The pity party, early declarations of love/ soulmate claims, stare, manipulation, lies, cheating, ect. I am a creature of knowledge and wanting to learn why things are the way they are. Upon searching the Internet for why someone ceases all contact and turns so cold, I found this site. I am so thankful I did as it has helped me in so many ways. It has only been a little over a month since the breakup of our roughly 8 month relationship and I have come so far, I think, simply because I stumbled upon this site by accident. All of your words speak volumes. I never knew a person like this existed in such abundance until I read all of your comments. It’s sad really. That there are all these broken souls who will never experience love the way it is meant to be. I tend to believe the concept that sociopaths are a product inherited genetics or have had severe childhood trauma or neglect. Although, I know there is nothing currently that can be done to help these souls it still saddens me that someone’s life goes wasted. Not to mention those of us who suffer their wrath.

    So, I actually came here tonight to seek my fellow survivors opinion on a matter. Of course, in the beginning I tried to contact her with either short responses or no answer at all. She had found a new source when I kicked her out so I am out the picture. I shipped some of her belongings to her early on after our breakup. However, there are a few heavy boxes and other items I simply can’t ship. Well, she text me for the first time the other day apologizing for all the bad things she put me through and reiterating that she never cheated on me (I had found out from someone that she had slept with this person while we were together and she knows cheating is NOT tolerated with me. I will never forgive that) and also stating that she’d be in town this upcoming weekend and if she could get the remainder of her things. My question is…. Should I continue to practice NC and not respond or should I tell her she can pick up her things on such and such day and leave them outside where she can get them without having to see her? I prefer her to get the rest of her things so that she won’t have an excuse to contact me but I feel as though if I respond she will have won again. She stated that she saw some FB posts of mine and was happy to see I was doing well. She has me blocked and apparently unblocks when she wants to see my profile. I can’t/ don’t go to hers. She has played games before promising to do something then not just to play her game with me. So although I don’t want to break my NC, I feel like I should so that I can rid myself of anything she has left at my house. Any advice?

    1. Hi Wisersoul, thank you for your comments. I experienced this numerous times, only it was over something really trivial that he didn’t really need anyway (like a computer mouse for a computer he didn’t have). If you don’t give her the opportunity to get her things, she could continually use this to stay in contact.

      What I did, was to to time frame it, and take back the control. State what time you will put the belongings outside (say 12pm Saturday). The risk that you have with this strategy is that she could complain that she has items missing etc…. also say that if she doesn’t collect them at this time that they will be left outside for disposal, (giving her back the responsibility for her things) – say to her that if she cannot collect at this time, she needs to let you know, or they will remain outside and will be disposed of.

      Also confirm, that you are finished the relationship is over, and that you do not wish to go back to her, to talk or engage otherwise in conversation. that this is best for both of you.

      Also give her the option, that if she wants to arrange for someone else to collect at 12pm her items wont go outside, and this is fine too. but after this time/date that her items will be disposed of.

      You do need to respond, and it isn’t really breaking no contact. As she has a genuine reason for making contact. if you didn’t she could call police and complain that you are stealing her things.

      By timeframing it, it makes it clear, this time this date, and if you don’t then it will be disposed of…. you might find that she didn’t want those items anyway…. does anyone else have suggestions?

      1. Hi Wisersoul,
        Just a suggestion but could a trusted friend organise the collection so that you don’t break the NC rule? Or perhaps a friend could be with you when she comes & be there to support you etc…so, she cannot try anything manipulative.
        Stay strong & remember how awful she has made you feel & how much she has hurt you :0( Show her you are happier without her & move on (actions speak louder than words) so be happy, you deserve it ;0)

  12. I hired a private security company to be here when my ex (not the SP, his mistress is) came to get his things. We inventoried everything prior, I Ieft, and they checked off the items he took, noted what he didn’t take, made note of my things he returned, got a signed receipt, and made a report for the lawyer/court. Best money I ever spent.

  13. Oh…. you are such a blessing to have this site up.

    I’d thought I was alone in this. I’d wondered if I was crazy after having two not successful relationships. I’m a single mom of three children. I’ve been involved with a SP for 2 1/2 years. At first he was my everything,, like young love you’ve never had before – obsessive, Monitored my every move. He said I did not love him because I did not call him (during work hours – I had a demanding job,) Did not do the “family” thing well and in most instances acted like a child himself. Over time, the blaming and accusations came. I lost my job of 18 years due to not being able to put in OT (controlling behaviors) and when I did it was held against me. All my flaws were highlighted, all the fights were turned around into “me” being crazy when he started every and all of them. The STARE – omg, how descriptive. You couldn’t get close to him when he stared or talked. He overstepped his boundaries on many different levels, there was split between me and my children and I felt like I was walking a tightrope between time, it was him or them. Of course, he always said he supported me spending time with the kids (he did not want to be included in) BUT also used it against me. Oh the reason I go out is because I went out and had fun already OR I spent my time working and not with him (my choices). I tried so hard tobalance this but still I was theone at fault. I should have taken care of my man or he wouldn’t have gone . I have nothing left to give him. Lost my job, house bills are coming due, no money to help fork out advances to pay his stuff, credit cards are maxed, it’s a sad situation with no income…. then the arguments if things were not done his way. I tried so hard – so hard to please him. No I didn’t cook. Something was always wrong with me. With this site, it’s helped me to see, it wasn’t me. He was going to leave me anyway unless I had more I could give him. They are parasitic. And still I miss him, humiliated me with another woman and now I see the past lies. How stupid I was for putting my children through this. THANKS for your site. I wish there was a group session on this somewhere, I feel I’m hurting inside so bad and eventhough I know all this I am still heartbroken. He will be with this other woman in the same places we went to and the clubs we both have gone to together. It’s childish (because I’m 46 and he’s 51) but I feel destroyed. I am an intelligent, educated woman and still feel destroyed.

    1. Your not alone, we’ve all been there (10 years for me 😦 so, now you have some answers which does help but at the end of the day you just have to did deep, put your life back together (easier said than done !) you can do it….we all can ;0)
      It’s awful to find yourself duped but, you deserve better, love yourself & resurrect a new fabulous you! The best revenge is being happy so, work hard at it even when you aren’t feeling it, look it! Stay healthy, positive & authentic. You don’t need anyone to validate you, we are our own worst enemies but, also our own best friend ;0) “Love On The Rocks” was playing when I read your post (spooky)

      Love on the rocks ain’t no surprise
      Pour me a drink,
      And I’ll tell you some lies
      Got nothing to lose,
      So you just sing the blues, all the time

      Gave you my heart, gave you my soul
      You left me alone here
      With nothing to hold
      Yesterday’s gone
      Now all I want is a smile

      First they say they want you
      How they really need you
      Suddenly you find you’re out there
      Walking in a storm

      When they know they have you
      Then they really have you
      Nothing you can do or say,
      You’ve got to leave, just get away
      We all know the song

      You need what you need
      You can say what you want
      Not much you can do
      When the feeling is gone
      May be blue skies above,
      But it’s cool
      When your love’s on the rocks

      First they say they want you
      How they really need you
      Suddenly you find you’re out there
      Walking in a storm

      And when they know they have you
      Then they really have you
      Nothing you can do or say
      You got to leave, just get away
      We all know the song

      Love on the rocks
      Ain’t no big surprise
      Just pour me a drink
      And I’ll tell you my lies
      Yesterday ‘s gone
      Now all I want is a smile…..

      On a good note though Michael Buble is on singing ‘I just haven’t met you yet’ so, the spirits are sending us a message I’m sure, plus I’m a bit physic ;0)

      Take care, be happy :0)

  14. Thank you for this article and the discussion on a person’s health. After four months with mine, I was anxiety ridden and had morbid thoughts of cutting myself. I have never felt that way before, nor am I prone to such behaviors. I realized I had to get out to preserve my sanity and health. I am alone again but it’s good to be finding myself again.

  15. Hey everyone, well me and my spath are at it again after a three day break up. I know this isnt healthy. I never knew i could be so addicted to a person so sick! He physically abused me for the first time the day before yesterday, pinching my inner thigh until i cried. Why? Because I hurt his pride. I told him that I was talking to someone else while we weren’t together. Which is the exact same thing he did but worse. I guess Im sick for still being here :\ Im trying to get the strength. He lies about everything, he even try to trick me into believing something TOTALLY opposite to what I see with my own two me, or what I heard so clearly. This is friggin crazy. I want out, but its so hard.

    1. Awww V it’s hard letting go but, if you don’t it will be more of the same 😦
      How much more valuable time do you want to waste?
      I got stuck for 10 years 😦 & here I am trying to work myself back out???
      Mine also used to pinch & squeeze & try & hurt me & would laugh when I got upset or angry saying I was a sook or over reacting 😦
      He also twisted everything around & I was all over the place 😦
      Still I have come to realise just what a shallow, horrible person he truly was & am so glad I’m free from his gaming etc…Victory is mine & it can be yours 🙂
      Believe in yourself, he’s delusional & illusional 😦

      It’s your choice but, it’s also your life 🙂

      Love & Light 🙂

      PR xoxo

    2. My heart is right there sister! I’ve never had a drug issue but no person has ever been closer! Keep focus on you repeat everything he says stare back with your dreamy eyes! To avoid intementcy I think of the time I taisted another woman on him’ how this affects my self esteem! Just a thought.

  16. I just read this one, WOW he is everything you described. I just keep getting amazed how all this is legal for them to do to us makes me so so so sad 😦 What a mean mean man and living his life like I was never part of it and he is happy doing it – ugh I wish just only bad things for him, seriously

    1. Try not to wish bad things….. its the law of attraction. More bad will come back to you. Let it go and wish him happiness…. (then what the universe decides to do with him is no worry of yours) 🙂 Positive thinking he doesn’t deserve your energy.

      1. I am far from the stage of wishing him happiness, my life has crumbled, lost home dog car dog and furniture, renting a room, but have really good job, he 100% through me out with the trash and although I would never do anything to him but I sure do not wish him well at all – I know it is negative but I really feel this way right now, maybe someday this will pass 😦 Oh, I finally got my e-mail to work at home yay 🙂

      2. Hi Tonielea26 🙂

        10 years ago my marriage ended 😦 my ex was a gambler/drinker etc…& left me for the receptionist in OUR business…pftt…I lost my home/car/dog & cat both died etc…of old age mainly…Then I started a relationship with my Soc (lucky me just when things were going so well!!!!)….Still I hung on & rebuilt my life (without the Soc’s help) just me 🙂
        I re-established myself, bought a house (huge mortgage), a car (the Soc is a Car Dealer) & worked my butt off to raise 2 children & 10 years later here I am 🙂 🙂
        I am okay & I’ll be damned if these twits ruin my life 🙂
        You can do anything you put your mind to 🙂
        It takes time & energy & the sadness & betrayal & the anger does pass, I am 7 months No Contact….but, I did go ballistic & expose my Soc, which just delayed my healing but, did feel good (lol)…I had an impact so, I am not sorry I did it but, I did have evidence of his game 😉

        You will be okay, just read/vent/support yourself & others/share but, most of all, don’t you dare give up as you have a whole life ahead of you & YOU deserve a good one 🙂

        Love & Light 🙂
        PR xoxo

      3. Gosh I know I am a pain in the backside but shoot 😦 I have a question. I keep going over in my head seriously on Thursday we were fine come Friday he yells at me and says “toni I want nothing to do with you” “you see how I disregard people and I can disregard you” I get burndt out on people” this is after 8.5 years and no fight at all and now he wants nothing to do with me. I got some of my things out and had to go back for a few others he says come get your stuff the sooner the better it is on the deck. Mind you he would not give me anything other then my dresser WOW!!!!!!!! Has this happened to anyone??? I can’t believe it. He changed like a lightswitch and now I just feel horrible about myself, I feel like scum on the bottom of his shoe. Does he not really know we just spent 8.5 years together?? no fight occured – what ????????????? anyone heard of such a thing happening – none of my friends can believe all this, everyone is shocked about his dismissing me like this – so confused and just feel EWIEEEEEEEEEE

      4. This is what socios do. They pick a fight to end things. Then switch off. It feels cold. But that is because they see no reason to fake anymore 😦 am sorry you are hurting

      5. Hi Toni 🙂

        I got no fight etc…& was still in his game until the OW exposed his antics to me & I had been with him 10 years so, it just ended with him saying “move on”???
        My Story is under My Story section June 14th older comments if your interested?

        You will survive this, it just takes time,therapy,support & YOU 🙂

        Love & Light 🙂
        PR xoxo

  17. Hi
    This is the best article ever!! I unfortunately or fortunately have a lot of experience with loss (people and things dear to me) so loosing him is painful (yet freeing) but I saw that creepy stare and wondered wtf is that? haha. I didn’t understand it . Do they learn this like learning how to hypnotize someone? I also had done a lot of smoking, drugs and alcohol as a young teen 13 and up. I am well acquainted with addictions and just cold turkey is how I ever stopped with little to no support. Thanks to you and your blog I have some now :))
    I see for the first time that I can have love REAL LOVE with a real person who would never say the creepy , cruel things this fake, shell
    of thing would say. I used to feel sorry for him and thought I can show him real love since he has had such a rough time. HAHA not at the expense of my dignity! Thank you again for the clarity to see, access and spot these creeps! You are a angel to me:-)

    1. I have just done a print out of all posts on this blog today and found this one too Elise. I like this post too. Just getting them into order and then will put it into book. So hard to find older posts sometimes.

  18. As to your point 1, where the sociopath or psychopath talks at 100 mph to confuse you and so that you concentrate solely on him – I find that this is impossible for me to do as I have a short attention span generally. They ramble like a machine gun and I look straight past them as I start thinking about something else. This tends to drive them nuts? Maybe. But its a good defense mechanism for tactic of theirs. Just pretend there is a fly on the tip of their nose. Stare at the fly.

  19. I love this post thank you positive girl . I cried all through it but it has helped a lot . Am having a difficult time right now am 3 months NC he’s tried to contact once , but at the min I just feel like am going back instead of forward . Reading this has made me see things a bit more , understand brainwashing feels more clear , as I have felt stupid . Thought I had it all sussed but kinda slipped back a bit . Thank you positive girl

    1. This post is special to me too. I returned after writing this post. The final year I thought that things were more normal than they actually were. It was this post, that made me see the truth. They weren’t normal at all he just controlled my mind, and manipulated me. It took me a good while to undo his brainwashing.

      1. I’m curious how long a “good while” is because I’ve been doing therapy for two years now (weekly EMDR and past CBT) and I’m still not out of the brainwashing stage. It’s not nearly as bad as it used to be, but I still pick out control statements, belief systems and so on. The flashbacks still come, they had gotten easier to deal with and this weekend was a very bad one.

        There was a high amount of sadistic sexual abuse that happened, and that still affects me today. I’m doing the work, but it doesn’t seem to go away. There are beliefs and triggers that still exist two years later. It’s very frustrating. I can’t date, no interest in sex and if a woman flirts with me, I get triggered and freak out. It’s humiliating.

  20. is the point under “how does a does a sociopath do this” about talking non-stop not giving you time to think also referring to you as victim of the sociopath talking about the sociopath. in my case I believe I befriended a sociopath and for some initial time couldn’t stop talking about her even though I didn’t want to talk about her and say what I said about her.

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