Dear Mr sociopath,

RE: Us….

It has been a while since I wrote a letter to you here. But once again I am back in no contact.

I wanted to say I am sorry that I had to walk away from you.it has hurt me…. , and you…. I guess there is loss of supply but I am sure that you will soon replace me.

They say that God loves a trier, well he/she should love me. I certainly tried.

I am sorry that our relationship did not work out.

I think you tried too. But there was a teeny weenie huge problem between us.

1. you are a sociopath, this means that you just keep doing the same thing….. Over and over again. Most people learn, but you can’t,  see this post for why.
2. You are opportunistic which meant I always had to be on my guard…..and yes, when temptation came you couldn’t resist the opportunity to take what you wanted. What was mine was yours so you thought, and what was yours you kept to yourself, so tight your bum must have squeaked when you walked.
3. You are a compulsive pathological liar. It gets old listening to someone when you don’t know whether what comes out of your mouth is the truth or a lie, and you would never admit to the lie. 
4. I grew tired of your constant stalking, snooping and spying, mind control was becoming so much, I thought i was losing my mind. At least I did, until I read this post. Suddenly it all fell into place. How odd that posts I had written 18 months to two years earlier, could have been my personal diary from the day before.

I cannot grow with you. You won’t allow it and all I experience is further loss…. no more. I have learned enough.

However, as i knew who you were before you came back. I took the risk with knowledge, so I take personal responsibility for this. It was my choice, and i know you did try your best. For a while anyway!!

You almost had me fooled. How stupid I was to not see the obvious. You were being nice and ‘relatively ‘ normal, until the case came to a close. From that day onwards what a coincidence you had no money of your own.

Alas no, of course sociopaths do not change. The pattern always repeats as in this post

I have no regrets, I learned things that I needed to know, as now as I begin my life again, I can read this blog as a reader would. Maybe it makes sense to me as it’s my story. I wouldn’t know, but it is healing to read. This now makes sense, and inspires me for the book.

And it’s a big but…..this time I realise, I don’t have to be in a controlling relationship to be inspired to write about it (what a ridiculous thought that was). Instead, I have been offered a job working in a similar field in the real world, and this will be my inspiration to write.

Finally I will properly edit this site. And get it into a book.

For this, I am grateful…. your behaviour is controlling and was difficult for me to cope with, and as you know, it affected me.  I don’t have to live in fear anymore.

Edit: To readers of this site, you might ask the question BUT WHY? …. I think I just wanted to know. What IF two parties KNEW if he knew and I knew? Could we make it work?  I know he cared about me. He just had his issues, which in turn, drove me crazy I had mine. I could barely think.

Do I regret returning? No as I learned a lot of things the last year, that I didn’t know before. Some illusions that I had, are no longer there. At the end, we were simply incompatible. I couldn’t give him what he wanted, and he couldn’t give me what I needed either.

But maybe – this is just me – I don’t particularly hate anyone to me, it just ran its course.  It felt like we had gone as far as we could go together (which is a very very different ending, to the devastation we had in 2012) – and for this, I am grateful!!!

The truth will always set you free!

N x